Counting My Blessings
It’s not often that I read something that just floors me, but this does:
And even thinking about that contrast is so Western, so decadent, so much the spoilt complaint of a woman who has running water and food and a house and an education and children who are safe.
That line has stuck with me for days now. It’s hauntingly beautiful and poignant and has made me think about all kinds of uncomfortable things this over this long holiday weekend.
It doesn’t take a lot of flipping through my posts to see that I am, indeed, a spoiled American woman. I’m privileged to have grown up in a stable family; my parents have been married – and happily so – to each other since 1973. I came along 4 years later with a younger sibling of each sex. We were all healthy and happy and while not wealthy, we lived happily and comfortably for the most part.
I married my high school sweetheart and we’re working on our 12 year of marriage. We have 2 healthy children, and though we have one who will never sleep in my arms, I’m grateful that I held that tiny spark of life in my body for the months that I did. The tragedy of that loss strengthened my marriage, and helped me appreciate the children in my arms even more. My husband has a job that affords us the economic stability to live comfortably – not just comfortably, but enough so that I can stay home with our children without worrying overmuch about bills.
I’ve never known hunger or been afraid for my safety. I’ve never had to put my children to bed not knowing if they’d have food the next day, or watched them suffer through an illness without having medical care literally moments away. I’ve never watched my father or my husband leave our home with the knowledge that he may never return. I’ve never known the very real fears and dangers and tragedies that many people across the world live with every day. I’ve never even known many of the fears and dangers and tragedies that some of my friends have lived through.
I’ve been extremely fortunate in life and love; in health and security, and I am thankful.
Thanks to Melissa for helping me remember that.
Warmly,
~h
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wishing you and your family a safe and happy Thanksgiving weekend!
Warmly,
~h
Loverly Husband
LittleBoyBlue & PeaGreen
Our First Year of Homeschooling is Complete.
Incredibly, we’re more or less done with our first year of homeschooling. This week is the last week in my lesson planner (an oversight that is corrected in next year’s planner), and though we will still be doing ‘school-ish’ things throughout the month of December, we’re officially out of school until January 3rd.
I can’t believe that we’re already finished with our first year! Back in January, when I started on this path, I knew we were taking a step in the right direction. Even so, I remember feeling nervous about the actual day-to-day ‘doing’ of it.
Many of the websites I looked at in the beginning talked about how the first year of homeschooling is an exploratory year. They cautioned against buying too much or getting too entrenched in one method or mindset with the comment that the way you think you’ll homeschool often isn’t the way that ends up working for you. I’m so glad that I read those kinds of things because I found those points definitely to be true in my case.
I’m glad that we didn’t buy a bunch of text books; we rarely use them, opting instead for materials that aren’t so dry. We started our homeschooling year enchanted with Charlotte Mason style ideas. Books play such a central role in our lives, so that style fit in with what we were already doing by nature. We stuck with that pretty well until summer hit, which required a re-vamp as my niece was with us most days. I’d started to read more about ‘de-schooling’ by that point, too, so we fell into more of an unschool-y rhythm. Not ‘real’ unschooling, but as close to it as I’ll ever come, most likely. Then when the school year started up again, our homeschool group was getting off the ground and more active, so we moved more into unit studies and active learning through field trips and other non-traditional methods (though we have kept a fairly consistent level of book-work at home throughout). Over the last few months, we’ve also been doing more lapbooking and finding our groove with a more relaxed and mastery focused method.
It’s been interesting to me to work through the progression over the past year. We’re both not at all where I thought we’d be and exactly on-target. I’m extremely pleased with how the year has gone, with the work that the kids have done this year, and with the material we’ve covered. I’ve learned to be more relaxed – not so much that school slacks, but enough so that I’m not worrying myself ragged over being ‘on track’ with public school or so that the kids aren’t enjoying learning. I still worry about it, but I think they’re pretty well ‘on-target’ with their grade level, and that is reassuring. That’s my hold-out issue; staying ‘on-track’. I think that worry will lessen as time passes and we settle more into homeschooling.
There are, of course, some things that I want to get back in a better habit of doing. For the first few months, I read to the kids almost every day. Now, they read aloud every day, but I rarely read to them unless it’s something on the lesson plan. I miss that, so I will be adding more literature and story-time for next year – actually scheduling it so it doesn’t slide. More along that line of thought to come; I’m working on a Lesson Planning for 2011 post that will be up soon.
Aside from a curriculum to teach, there are some things that are essential for a new homeschooler. If you’re just starting out, here’s my list of must have items to make homeschooling ‘go’:
- a good lesson planner & calendar
- 100 quality pencils and an electric pencil sharpener. Click or pink erasers would not go amiss.
- skip crayons; opt for quality colored pencils
- case of copy paper or two and a quality printer and plenty of ink refills
- internet access
- Counting rack/abacus, globe or world map (globe is better), a comfy chair for Mom
Another thing I found to be most helpful this year has been establishing a firm support foundation, both in real life and on the internet. Meeting local homeschooling families has given both me and the boys a social outlet as well as afforded us more active learning opportunities via field trips and group events. In addition to ‘real’ hand-holding, I’ve found so many homeschooling moms who are willing to share on forums and through blog recommendations. You ladies have no idea how helpful you’ve been; how valuable and encouraging your experiences and stories and accounts of day-to-day homeschooling life have been to me. Thank you so much for sharing!
First Day of Homeschooling
Homeschooling, Year 1 is Complete
Without a doubt, this year has been a rousing success. It’s been such a joy and privilege to share our first year with you, dear reader, and I thank you for your comments, feedback and unwavering support! Homeschooling has been wonderful for us, and I am so grateful that we have this opportunity. I’m looking forward to sharing next year with you as well.
From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
Warmly,
~h
Shifting Your Perspective
LillianJ at Mothering.com said, “The people I knew who loved homeschooling thought in terms of what they got to do that they wouldn’t have been able to do if their children were in school.”
While I can’t imagine anyone not loving homeschooling (because it is clearly awesome based only on my experiences as related in this blog), I thought that I’d share some of the things we’ve gotten to do this year that we would have missed out on had the boys been in school (not that we ‘couldn’t’ have done them; more that freeing up an extra 20 or so hours per week to do stuff in was key).
I am in no way a gardening enthusiast. In fact, on most of my ‘about me’ sections on anything that asks, I mention something about not liking spiders, clowns and gardening. However, since we were homeschooling this year, and I had some friends who were instrumental in starting a local Farmer’s Market in our area, I decided that starting a small garden would be fun and educational for the boys, so we did. And it grew! And we actually got things from it – carrots, radishes, tomatoes and a cantaloupe (that bugs got into before we could harvest, but still…) Had we not started homeschooling, I may have briefly thought that the garden was an interesting idea, but we never would have gotten around to growing our own. Having had a good experience though, we’re already planning for next year’s garden.
This one, we may or may not have ever done. When I was a child, we went camping religiously. My mom had packing down to an art; 3 Rubbermaid bins that were stocked and ready to go. We would get home from school at 3PM on Friday afternoon and be in the car headed to the lease or the lake by 5PM, grabbing dinner on the way. My only experiences camping without my super-capable and responsible mother along to manage things prior to our recent trip was an ill-planned trip to the lake at midnight in July (which, in Texas, has an average nighttime temperature of 283 degrees F). We were home the next day by 4PM.
The next experience was after Hurricane Rita; we were stranded up near Texarkana. My sister and her in-laws were staying at a State Park on Wright-Patman lake, so we met them there and camped for 3 days… it was not an ideal experience. I admit, I was somewhat worried about going camping (without my mother). But it turned out that with planning and foresight, it can be as great as I remember. We had a really fun time and are looking forward to the next one.
- zoo/museums
It’s sad to say, but when the boys were in school, we never made it to local museums. Houston has a museum for virtually everything, and with it being only 2 hours away, you’d think that we would have taken the kids to them. But we were so busy with school, and so tired by the end of the year that we needed to veg out at home for a while to recuperate. We always had the intention of going, we just never got around to doing it.
Since we’ve started homeschooling, visiting museums has moved up on our list of ‘must see’ as a way to supplement our various areas of study. Sure we could learn about how big dinosaurs were from a book, but how much more impressive is it to stand under a 20′ tall skeleton to drive that lesson home?
- hikes
Again, this is something that we ‘could’ have done, but likely wouldn’t have just due to the time factor. We’ve visited our local State Parks, plus made trips to several others in our general area at least once a month over this past year. It’s been really eye-opening to see how much effort our state puts into maintaining our state parks. We have nature centers and classes at most of them, visitor’s centers and well-maintained trails at all of them. We’ve actually had time to enjoy them this year, and it’s been fun.
- Summer Reading Club
Theoretically, we could have participated in this; it’s free and open to all. However, when the boys were in ‘school’, by the time summer rolled around, I needed the 3 month break just to catch my breath. From the week before school started in August (because I was an actively involved parent, and the week before was orientation and book/locker assignments and PTO organization meetings) until the last day of school in May, it was go-go-go-go-go. I dropped the boys off at 7:45, but didn’t usually leave the school until 9, then picked them up at 2:45PM, but if it was a PTO day, or a student council day, or a tutoring day, then we were there until closer to 4PM. And this in addition to whatever other project I was working on. After that level of commitment and constant effort, the summer was a welcome respite from quite such a buzz of activity.
There are other things, of course, but I’ll stop here. In addition to the time/energy factor, I think another change in perspective is that without the walls of a school to limit learning, these types of learning experiences become more foundational in our personal style of homeschooling. My kids learn better through experience than through books; homeschooling allows us the freedom to actually experience something rather than merely read about it. The shift from passive learning to active learning is a huge one, and a worthwhile one, in my opinion.
What have you gotten to do this year that you might have passed on?
Warmly,
~h
Because Smrt Mama Said To
If you read Smrt Lernins, then you may have seen this post, You Are Amazing (and Beautiful and Accomplished). She says:
You are awesome.
Not a little bit awesome. Not sorta kinda awesome. You are thoroughly, completely, and incredibly awesome.
Really, have you looked at yourself lately? Have you taken a moment to consider your many amazing qualities?
Then, she issues a challenge to us; we who routinely care for the needs of others most likely without often taking the time to see to our own. Sounds simple enough, right? Take five minutes to focus on the things about yourself that are phenomenal – anyone can do that! Oh, but wait. There’s a hitch. While you’re doing this exercise, you must not qualify any statement that you make with a derogatory comment. No, “I’m great except for…” type comments. Are you up for the challenge?
Make a list of five amazing, beautiful physical qualities about yourself.
1. I have awesome eyes.
2. I have great grooves and definition in my calf muscles from biking, hiking and land drills.
3. I have amazing hair. It’s long and soft and silky and shiny without being too straight or too wavy.
4. My hips are exactly 10 inches bigger than my waist no matter what my size, which gives me a perfect hourglass figure.
5. I have dainty hands. Capable, but quite small and girly. That’s a good thing. No ‘man hands’ here!
You know, I had to come back to this one. I’m not vain, the first 3 came to me pretty quickly. I know what I look like and I know how to doll my face up and am capable of dressing with styles that compliment my body type – and I know what camera angles compliment me best – but I really did have trouble with this. I’m not a hag, but I am overweight. If you’ve read my blog at Park People, then you know all the ins-and-outs of my issues. Overall, I’m a pretty confident person, weight notwithstanding. I was raised without focus on weight and only ‘learned’ that fat=unattractive through media. None of my friends ever seemed to care.
When I got pregnant, I was at my highest weight (at that point). I was atypical; I lost weight when I was pregnant and gained weight when I was breastfeeding. It wasn’t until PeaGreen weaned that I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and given medication to help stabilize it. Now, I am still over that but on the way back down thanks to better eating habits (thanks, Spark People!!) and more exercise (thanks to homeschooling and ‘teaching’ PE to my kids, lol). Even so, I generally feel that my physical flaws are more readily apparent than my attributes.
Make a list of five amazing things about your mind.
1. I’m organized. Both inside and mostly out; I can categorize and catalog with the best of them.
2. I’m creative – not in an ‘artsy’ sense, exactly – more an academic sense.
3. I’m organizationally exceptional. When it comes to putting together a new group, I have the foundational aspects of making it happen down pat.
4. I’m great at debate – or at least at defending my viewpoint in one. I can pull facts up to back my position on issues that I feel strongly about with little difficulty.
5. I’ve amassed a wealth of trivia about vampires in literature, art and film.
This one was pretty easy for me (though I kinda cheated on the last one). I’m a smart cookie and I pick up things pretty quickly. I enjoy learning, which is one perk for me now that we’re homeschooling. I have access to and time to expand my knowledge on things that I missed in school.
Make a list of five amazing things you have accomplished.
1. I have been married to my Loverly Husband for over 11 years. We’ve weathered job changes, moves, children, parents, loss and are still going’ strong.
2. I have successfully started and maintained, both in a partnership and on my own, several advocacy/support groups.
3. I have played an important role in the lives of many of the women I’ve come into contact with.
4. I have researched, committed to and lived the parenting philosophy that I believe in.
5. I have forged a life for myself that is apart from other’s expectations of me and am confident in my life’s path and direction.
Again, this section wasn’t very hard for me. Casting off false modesty, I am pretty proud of the things I’ve accomplished in my life. While many would put ‘just a mom’ in air quotes, that’s pretty much all I ever wanted to be (excluding a ballerina when I was 5; a teacher, which I kinda am now; and an artist living in NYC when I was 15-ish – gotta love those teen angst years). ‘Just a mom’ is an important job, one for me that is fulfilling and satisfying. Add in the other opportunities that I’ve had that have been worked in and around my main Mommy gig and I count myself one fortunate cookie.
Wow. That was actually more challenging than I thought it would be. Now that I have my list, I am going to add this to my ‘about’ page and check it often, especially on bad days. Now, I dare you to write, post and share your own lists. No, double dog dare you. {wink}
Warmly,
~h
Silly Questions
Every once in a while, I come across questions posed to homeschoolers. Sometimes, they’re well thought out questions from people who seem to genuinely want to understand why homeschoolers might make the decisions that they do.
Other times, not so much.
Offering up the benefit of the doubt, let’s say that these questions are in the ‘sincere’ category:
1. Is it worth trading a childs social life for a “better” education?
To put this question into perspective, here’s the author’s position:
Homeschooling is a great way to make a child book smart. The down side is that homeschooling hinders social development. Homeschool kids tend to become brilliantly educated and social retarded. By sheltering your child, you prevent them from learning how to deal with everyday social situations. Homeschoolers are shy for the most part and lack interpersonal skills.
Le sigh.
Honestly, I find this laughably ignorant. This assertion caters to two homeschooling stereotypes, that homeschooled children become some kind of super-students simply by virtue of being ‘home schooled’, and that not growing up in an institutionalized environment somehow creates socially inept citizens. Neither stereotype is true, yet people really seem to enjoy perpetuating them. Other bloggers have clarified the ‘socialization vs. socializing‘ distinction, so rather than re-hash that, I’ll link and let you read Smrt Mama’s post outlining the differences between the two.
I think that an important point in this question is the idea that a child’s social life is or should revolve around peers. My ‘social life’ as an adult is filled with people of all ages. By virtue of being homeschooled, my children’s social circle also includes people of all ages – children both younger and older than they are, and adults of all ages with whom they have little difficulty conversing – much more so than they would have if there were stuck in school for 8+ hours every day. I think that the wider age range of social contacts that most homeschoolers enjoy is far more indicative of ‘real life’ as an adult than the segregated peer groups that most schools employ. I also think that many people place more importance than is due on socializing. Yes, children need to have friends of similar ages, but they’re better socialized when they are not limited to peer groups for social contact. So in short, I don’t think that there is any ‘sacrifice’ involved in the social life of homeschoolers.
2. Are you really qualified to teach your child if you don’t have a teaching degree?
Absolutely. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if I were not fully capable of managing my child’s primary education, then the school systems that educated me (which include both the local public school system and homeschooling) have fallen short of their mark.
Another misconception that I have run into numerous times is that homeschoolers ‘do it all themselves’. Again most, if not all, homeschooling parents I know take full advantage of the bounty of resources available to homeschooling students. From videos and teacher’s manuals to mentors and fully supported online curriculums and local remedial teaching centers, none of us who homeschool are going it ‘alone’. Additionally, many homeschooling parents reach out to the online support communities and local support groups for more hands-on help and encouragement.
I’ve posted about gaps in education before; neither educational system is without gaps. The primary goal of education is to impart basic skills (reading, writing and foundational maths) and the know-how to obtain the information one needs when one needs it. Both the public school system and homeschooling teachers augment those basic skills with a variety of other core information and even among public schools, there is a wide range of what is considered ‘core’. Homeschoolers don’t miss out on that any more than if they moved from one ISD to another during their school career.
3. Which would be better for the child: homeschooling or active parental involvement in public schooling?
The fallacy in this question is assuming that both methods have equal effect for the child. The structure of homeschooling is in no way comparable to a brick-and-mortar classroom setting. In a homeschooling environment, one or two children are the focus of the teacher at all times. Even in larger families, the ratio of student to teacher is still far less than you would ever find in the public education system. No school can compete with that level of individual attention. That alone has tremendous benefit to the student.
Ask yourself this: if you were learning a new skill, how would you learn faster? In a classroom where you will be expected to progress at a set rate regardless of your individual ability, or with a dedicated mentor at your side and ample time to master each step of the process? Homeschooling is in no way a cake walk. It is hours of work and study and preparation on the parent’s part – and that’s before the child even enters the picture. Few parents take on the monumental task of being the primary educator for their children. Those who do are committed and dedicated. When education is free and available for the taking, for a parent to choose another path speaks volumes.
The most dedicated and involved parent in a school is only as effective as the system allows. Even volunteering in parent-teacher groups is only as effective as the system allows. Most schools don’t allow parents in the classroom as regular volunteers; they consider them a distraction. Most teachers are set in their ways, so suggestions or ideas that upset the apple cart are overlooked or disregarded, or impractical in large group settings. Speaking from experience, it was incredibly frustrating to see improvements that could be made, suggest them, be willing to work to implement them, and have those efforts go exactly nowhere. As a homeschooling parent, I feel like my efforts on my children’s behalf are far more effective and worthwhile.
4. How do you plan on developing your childs social skills if you are homeschooling them? Homeschool groups are like social special ed classes and don’t help children develop social skills that can be applied later on in life.
Dictionary.com defines social skills as: the personal skills needed for successful social communication and interaction. Most children learn ‘social skills’ at home, before they ever school. Basic social skills are reinforced every day – how to wait your turn, how to stand in a queue, to be polite, to be respectful. One need never set foot inside a school to master basic social skills.
Homeschool groups and co-ops are excellent opportunities, though not essential, for both socialization and social growth. Any type of ‘group’ setting is an opportunity for social growth, and an opportunity for bettering your communication skills no matter what your age. Library book clubs, doctor’s office waiting rooms, in line at the grocery store, visiting the park – all are opportunities for social interaction – a venue for practicing one’s social skills, and better at actually exercising them than at a playdate or event where you know everyone there. Improving communication is an ongoing process that should not end. Sad would be the day, indeed, when one feels that s/he hasn’t anything left to learn about communication and interacting with people.
It’s obvious to me that the person posing these question has little interaction with ‘real’ homeschoolers. More likely, he or she is repeating what’s been overheard, or is letting fear speak for them. The heavy focus on social opportunities makes me think that the questioner is a young person as well. From that perspective, I can see how you might fear such a scenario when you’re accustomed to the daily social gathering of ‘school’. I hope that I’ve answered these questions with my usual mix of sass and insight. Feel free to add your own replies in the comments!
Warmly,
~h
Motivation
Someone found my blog by searching ‘homeschooling and completely demotivated‘ and it got me thinking…
Motivation is one of those areas for me that on some days, it strikes hard. I feel good, I’m enthusiastic and eager, the day swims by quickly and I feel productive and accomplished at the end of the day (today is one such day). Other days, it feels like every action is a chore, I have to push and pull and prod the kids (and myself) to do every little task and the job of ‘homeschooling mom’ just seems overwhelming.
Balance is a wonderful thing and maybe it’s personality or lack of organization or time management, but I seem to have little of it in the day-to-day – things tend to swing from one extreme to the other a lot of the time. In some ways that’s a good thing. It feels like we’re following the natural ebb and flow of life.When inspiration strikes, I tend to gorge myself on whatever interest is catching my eye, then put it down until interest sparks again. That’s a ‘natural’ rhythm for me, and how I learn best.
In other ways though, I question the validity of this mindset as a style of homeschooling. It seems like a bad thing because I feel like there should be some level of consistency to our days. I feel like when we stick to a more regular and balanced schedule, there’s not a rush to ‘catch up’, and it seems like the kids are more focused on what we’re doing. Now, whether that’s a ‘truth’ for us or just a feeling I have remains to be seen. Letting the natural wax and wane of interest seems to sound like unschooling to me, and obviously that is a completely viable homeschooling style for some people. As drawn to the idea of it as I am, I haven’t gotten to the point where I am willing to jump in whole-hog with it… yet. Maybe one day.
When I find myself lacking motivation, one of the ways I try to inspire myself is by shaking things up. As I’ve mentioned before, we rarely stick with the same thing for very long (same area of study, yes – we just hit it from different ends, sources, materials, projects, etc). That gives us a fresh look at and a new direction to come from on the material we’re covering. I also find that a change of scenery does wonders; if we’re having a wretched day, we’ll pick up and go to the library or to a museum – anything as long as we’re out of the house for a bit. Ideally, whatever we’re studying will come into play for this excursion, but really the change in locale is the key. I’ve often just packed our books into the Big Red Bag (that’s what I call the spacious red alligator bag that I got from my Grandmother on one of her cleaning sprees… it’s amazing!) and we just moved ‘school’ to somewhere else, often with a similar good outcome. Fresh air also is a fine motivator – my kids enjoy working or reading outside so when the weather is nice, we’ll bring school into the yard.
We also take frequent breaks. I am learning to prepare my kids for the next segment of the lesson by telling them what we’ll be doing or giving them a specific question to think about while on a break. Letting them free to roam and run for a few minutes with a task seems to be an effective re-focusing technique for them. It also gives me a few minutes to myself to prepare for the next part of the lesson or check Facebook (I won’t lie, lol).
That’s another carrot that I dangle in front of myself – working on whatever project I have in the back of my mind. Lately, it’s been preparing for our upcoming Teacher’s Retreat in January, and getting the groundwork laid for the Texas Secular Homeschooling Network.
What are your best motivating tips?
Warmly,
~h
Socializing With ‘Normal’ Kids
If there’s one area of interest that I share with Christian Homeschoolers, it’s the desire to have a strong social network of like-minded peers for my children.
I want my kids to see other families placing importance on issues that we feel strongly about. I want them to see and hear the things that we believe reinforced in their peers’ actions, conversations and beliefs. I want my kids to know and interact with other people out there who share our world-view and mindset. I feel that this is a key point in helping my children find their place in the world.
Unfortunately, living a secular lifestyle in the Bible Belt makes that desire somewhat challenging to fulfill. Though we have an active secular homeschooling support group, we’re far from the majority. ‘Normal’ people around here attend a Christian-based church. Most people admit, and prefer, that their primary social network is deeply rooted in the church. Even people who don’t attend church regularly espouse some religious preference or bias and still tend to form relationships with people who share an affinity for their chosen religious leanings. Though religious diversity is finally starting to trickle down this far south the vast majority of people, especially in the homeschooling community, are of a Christian denomination.
For the most part, that’s fine. Like most ‘normal’ people, our family places importance on being fair and considerate, being respectful to and of others, being a good neighbor and continuing to ‘better’ ourselves, and on other basic ethical principles. But that’s really where the similarities end.
We don’t place emphasis on the Bible or any other ‘holy book’. We respect that other people do, but it is far from an infallible source of authority in our home. When there’s a question, we don’t ask ‘what would Jesus do’, we talk about how doing XYZ ‘feels’ or how that might impact you in the future, or look to history to see how a similar action turned out. When faced with questions that can’t be answered, we emphasize that it is okay not to know all the answers and again encourage focusing inwardly to explore how different paths feel for you as an individual. We feel that it’s our job to guide them on their journey, not direct them on a path.
It’s just as important to me to have these concepts reinforced in my children’s social circle as it is for your average ‘normal’ mom to want her ideals echoed in her children’s peer group. It’s even more important when the issues are more complicated; things like LGBT rights, family planning and reproductive rights, sex education and sexual activity, language, censorship… there are many issues that we feel differently about than your average bear. It worries me that my children might be deemed a ‘bad influence’ when they’re around ‘normal’ kids just because of differences in opinion on what ‘right’ is. My children recognize injustice and hate, even when it’s painted with the church’s brush, and aren’t afraid to decry it. Some people find that offensive and though I feel that’s their issue and not ours, justifying wrong as ‘right’ in the name of religion is not something I want my kids exposed to.
So how does one go about establishing connections with like-minded people? The internet, of course! Something I have been looking for, and finding, is other secular and inclusive groups in my area. Granted, my ‘area’ has grown to include cities over 3 hours away, but still. There are more than a couple of close-ish groups that specifically call to homeschooling families that eschew the stereotype and not only are ‘secular’ but have members who practice religions other than Christianity.
I believe that making these connections now, while my kids are young, will afford them opportunities when they’re older. Expanding my reach and field of vision is important if I want them to think and live globally. I feel that the key to respect is exposure – exposure to differences of viewpoint and lifestyles that challenge their concept of ‘normal’; exposure to art, literature, ideas, beliefs and religions that aren’t represented or respected in our community. It is important to me that my children learn to look beyond external extensions of their peers and see the person as a whole; to find what is similar instead of what is different.
I’m fortunate to have found a local community of like-minded families to spend time with. I am glad that my children have friends who are being raised similarly, whose parents answer questions with the same sort of mindfulness that I strive to consider when replying. As the secular homeschooling community expands, I look forward to meeting other parents who share that world view, and the additional opportunities that will be available through those connections. Very fortunate, indeed.
Warmly,
~h
Family Traditions
This past Saturday was the celebration of one of the few things that my side of the family celebrates – opening day of deer season. I was raised in a faith that did not allow the celebration of traditional holidays, so our family was pretty creative about finding other things to celebrate. Weddings and anniversaries were always big. Graduation parties and first/last day of school rated high on our list, too. My mom always put together some kind of summertime fun party for us too, but the one that we all sort of looked forward to was the first day of deer season – and Camp Breakfast.
The tradition is that all the men hunt and all the women cook. Being the somewhat progressive (and possibly very, very redneck) family that we are, a lot of the women hunt, too. My mom and grandmother (who do not hunt) and great-aunts (who do) usually cook. My sisters and I (who also do not hunt) are usually the pitchers-in of supplies, but this year I actually got to cook. Traditionally, it was bacon and eggs with deer sausage and biscuits or toast, but in the last few years, they’ve branched out into different recipes. This year, it was breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy and muffins. No one leaves hungry!
(Yes, they had coke with breakfast… don’t judge; it was a special occasion). Afterwards, the kids spent the afternoon performing bike stunts with their cousins.
To go along with this ‘family holiday’, we’ve also completed a lapbook on deer. We also incorporated a couple of the mini books from the Yearling lapbook and may grab it at the library later on and do the lapbook for it as well. This is a small lapbook, but it was a very rich unit. When we were looking up predators, we ended up looking more deeply into the mythology that surrounds them (like wolves and Native American culture, and jaguars and South American culture). The art work and mythology is so interesting; I’m sure we’ll go back to those areas again.
We also got to talk about conservation and endangered animals and how it affects us when animals go extinct. We talked about how our state’s Parks and Wildlife department is reintroducing some of the larger predators to our area and the role they play in population control. I was honestly surprised by how much there was to be learned on such a seemingly simple topic. As for age-range, this lapbook was right on-target. My boys are 7 and 8, they really enjoyed working on this one. Gold Star to HomeschoolShare.com for putting together such a great book!
Warmly,
~h
Jackals and Giraffes – Introduction to NVC
As a parent, one of my ideals dictates that I try to ‘do better when I know better’. One of the areas that I struggle so much with is communication. I am finding myself having less patience and less compassion for my kids when it comes to what I expect of them, particularly regarding finishing schoolwork. Some days I find myself drifting farther away from the kind of parent I strive to be, and so I am actively taking steps to move back in the direction that I want to flow.
I picked up Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication and the companion workbook by Lucy Leu several years ago. I’ve read through them but not really worked the workbook in the way it recommends. This is my goal for the next few months. It’s a 13 week program, and while I may not complete it in 13 weeks, I am going to work through reading and completing the workbook exercises. I’ve asked a few friends to try it with me in a practice group, but no one’s taken me up on it yet. If you’re interested in working it too, then please join in – post your blog in the comments and what tag you’ll post your NVC group posts under and we’ll make a blog ring.
I am starting by registering with NVC Academy. It’s free and though there are classes that you can pay for, there are also several free downloadable audio courses and also some other free materials, including the Feelings and Needs Reference Guide (4 pages) and the NVC Circle of Life (the mandala at the top of the page is the CoL). I sometimes find myself disconnected from how I feel about something, and I would like to change that. I think having a list to help me identify what I feel will help. The Circle of Life wheel details the four principles of NVC and how they relate to either ‘giraffe’ language or ‘jackal’ language. The giraffe and jackal are symbols of NVC, and though I probably won’t be using them overmuch, the symbols are somewhat accurate, I think. Giraffes are gentle and jackals really aren’t and so ‘serve as a guide inviting a return’ to giraffe.
The workbook suggests clarifying what it is you hope to gain from a study of NVC. It’s a big time commitment and mental effort to go through the course, so being clear about how much of both you’re willing to invest is a good starting point.
What I hope to gain:
- a better understanding of my own feelings and motivations
- to communicate my feelings and needs more effectively
- to listen and understand my family’s feelings and needs more effectively
- to help my children communicate more effectively
I will try to keep my practice noted here and in my journal under the “NVC’ category.
So… this is going to be the beginning. I am going to read Chapter 1 and start on the Workbook’s Lesson 1 and will record thoughts and feeling throughout the week, then post a review of CH.1 next week.
Ruth Bebermeyer’s poem, Words are Windows (or They’re Walls), is in Chapter One, and a lovely way to begin:
I feel so sentenced by your words,
I feel so judged and sent away,
Before I go I’ve got to know
Is that what you mean to say?Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words
To the feelings that we share.
Warmly,
~h
Standardized Testing
I don’t usually blog about issues that don’t impact my kids, but this one is different. We’re in Texas, where standardized testing (STing) is not required for homeschoolers… at this time. Who is to say what will happen in the future – but for now, it’s not an issue we have to deal with. Actually, since it is not required, I’m kind of opposed to homeschoolers voluntarily taking them, just because I can see how that might lead to legislation making it not optional in the future.
There’s such a buzz about STing all over the place that people seem to either not realize or forget that they’re really not a good way to ensure a minimum of education or gauge what a student has learned. Let me say right off the bat that I am in no way advocating standardized testing. I really think it’s faulty reasoning for schools to use STing results for making big educational decisions for many, many reasons. But I am curious as to what the alternatives to STing might be for large-scale operations and schools.
There’s a group on Facebook, Parents & Kids Against Standardized Testing that I found recently, and though I tend to agree with the premise, you can’t just take away the only method that institutionalized school systems have for ensuring (attempting to, anyway) that at the very least, all students in X grade know XYZ. It’s not a perfect system (by far) but I do feel that if you’re going to entrust your children’s education to the government, there would need to be some sort of system in place to ensure that at least a minimum of education is met. STing is the method that has become that system.
Is it a perfect system? No. Is it even an adequate system? Not really, no. For one thing, STing does not take into consideration any child who does not learn via lecture. If you have a child who needs manipulatives to really grasp a concept, then in most ISDs he’s just out of luck. The whole process of STing does not allow for children who learn outside the norm.
Another issue is the test itself; I have been on the pencil end of many, many “fill in the bubble’ tests where the question is designed to trick you or mislead you. Now,while some might argue that questions like that are designed to test reading comprehension or to punish you for not paying attention, have seen many that are designed so that there may be more than one correct answer, depending on how you interpret the question. Some even have multi-part answers that are counted incorrect if you only miss part of the question. I’ve even found some homeschool tests that are like that – that’s not ascertaining what the student KNOWS, it’s ascertaining whether the student can take a test. Then there are the children who simply do not test well, or have a harder time with reading comprehension or don’t learn well visually. Such a big deal is made during testing grades that there is an enormous amount of pressure put onto the kids to do well – starting at 8 years old – earlier even if you’re in a school that has lower test scores. As young as 2nd grade, they’re starting to hear about tests and practicing for taking them. I know a couple of parents with children who worried themselves ill – literally – before testing days. How can that be healthy?
I’m really not opposed to assessment tests that actually look at what the child knows. I use them for my kids to keep us on track. I use the state’s standards as a guideline to see what we need to cover each year. We may stray from that as the kids interests dictate, but we do make an effort to stay near the state’s recommendations.
I’m mostly just thinking out loud here. Obviously, in an institutionalized setting, it will function differently than homeschooling will. It’s not practical to have a delight-led class of 25. I just think that there are too many kids who fall through the cracks in the current system.
Warmly,
~h
Eight Questions
I got caught in a game of tag over at Hearthside Homeschool Reviews! Go check out the previous players and then post your blog in the comments so you can play, too!
The way this particular game is played is that when tagged, you must answer a series of eight questions and then tag eight more people with a new set of questions. Like Lori, I am similarly disdainful of arbitrary rules, so if you’re reading this then consider yourself tagged.
Here are Lori’s questions:
1. What prompted you to begin homeschooling?
Honestly, it was a combination of factors, not the least of which are that my kids were not getting the kind of attention in their former academic setting. It also has to do with what I want for my kids and how I view the public (and private – any ‘institutionalized’ school setting and mindset. I want independent thinkers and I think homeschooling is the best way to accomplish that.
2. What homeschooling book/s have encouraged you in your journey?
I was homeschooled, and had always planned on homeschooling my own children. I started looking into methods and books on when they were babies; The Well Trained Mind was one and is one that I like and still refer to on occasion. We’re not that rigorous or classical, so it’s not a primary resource anymore, but a great reference.
Lately, my choices have been moving more into authors that reform my own thinking about how we learn, like Holt and Mason. J.T. Gatto is an author that I keep meaning to check out but haven’t gotten to yet. I do like Dale McGowan’s books quite a bit.
3. Do you have a favorite read aloud?
Like storybook for the kids? Anything Henkes. I ADORE Kevin Henkes! I also like classics, so I read Tolkien, Carrol and Shakespeare to the children quite a bit. My kids are pretty well-versed on LoTR, lol. Loverly Husband and I are also huge sci-fi nuts, so we’ve ‘made’ the kids listen to all of Frank Hebert’s Dune series on audio (can I just say that Tim Curry rocks as a voice actor?).
4. If you could only have three homeschooling books/curriculum, which would you choose?
meh… I’m not much into text books. I collect them, but I don’t really use them. I’d go more for literature. Lord of the Rings (I’m counting that as one book…), Well Trained Mind, and MEP math. The rest I could get by without.
5. Where can we find your favorite homeschooling blogs?
In my sidebar… I update it pretty frequently, so who ever is there is who I am currently reading.
6. What do you to do to demonstrate continual learning to your kids?
Reading is a big one. I am almost never without a book or three within reach. I answer questions with, “Let’s look that up.” to the point that my kids usually just ask to look things up now. I also try to display a willing attitude to try something new. We’re forever going some place or doing something new, and I always try to remind them to take something away from the experience and we usually reinforce that at home with the next day’s lessons – even if it’s only a question or two. I try not to over-do it.
7. What’s your favorite way to unwind after a crazy day?
Get the kids in bed, then relax with coffee and see what’s on the DVR… and Facebook, lol.
8. Is there a quote you find inspiring?
Many… I list my favorites in the sidebar. A new one that I haven’t added yet is by Isadora Duncan:
”Most human beings today waste some 25 to 30 years of their lives before they break through the actual and conventional lies which surround them.”
I want my kids to be open to all the possibilities around them. It took me a long time to ‘find myself’; I hope that my kids don’t have that same kind of struggle.
Here are MY questions for YOU:
- What did you do to prepare for homeschooling?
- Where do you find your best support for homeschooling?
- Where do you encounter the most difficulty in homeschooling?
- How do you challenge yourself to be a better teacher?
- What is your schedule like?
- What has been your best accomplishment as a homeschooling parent?
- What item has made the most significant impact to your homeschooling?
- What is the most important thing that you want your children to come away with as a homeschooling graduate?
Tag. You’re it!
Warmly,
~h
Thankfulness Tree
So everyone on my Facebook friends list in playing the ‘Thankful Every Day’ game. Every morning (and evening, because all my friends are not on the same schedule – who knew?), I wake up to a wall full of ‘Today I am thankful for…’ posts. It’s both lovely and frustrating at the same time.
It’s lovely – of course it’s lovely to be thankful for the many, many wonderful things and people in our lives, it really is. I love that there is a time of year that people can wax nostalgic and poetic and it’s not only tolerated but encouraged. It’s reassuring to me to see to see that people actually do take time out and recognize the special people and events and good fortune that have graced their lives, and whether or not they attribute that to a certain deity or not, it makes me feel good to live in a world where my friends are conscious of and readily acknowledge the good things in their lives.
As non-church-goers, some may question how we instill a spirit of thankfulness in our kids. I don’t buy into the ‘every good thing comes from God’ rhetoric, though I was raised with it. To this day, I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer to why good things happen to bad people. I don’t want a theological debate here; Loverly Husband and I are quite happy where we are spiritually speaking; but it is enough for us to disdain the thought of bringing our children up into that lifestyle and mindset.
So how do we go about bringing up our kids to be thankful? Honestly, I don’t think that we have any more difficulty in this regard than your average church-going family. Demonstration goes a long way towards how your children are shaped as they grow up and my husband and I both try to model good behaviour and habits for our kids. We try to point out the wonder and mystery in everyday life and express appreciation that we’re here to see it, that we live in the here and now, and that we have them in our lives to share it with.
We’ve brought them up Southern Style, with ‘yes, ma’am’s and ‘no, sir’s and general good manners, which include an awareness of kindness shown to you by others. My kids are fairly polite (often without being prompted, even!) and are generous with their ‘Thank Yous’ both in everyday life and when we see or experience something unusual, extraordinary or amazing. But it’s one thing to be thankful and yet another to be consciously exercising thankfulness. To that end, I do think that my kids could expend a little more mental effort into consciously acknowledging the good things in their lives. I saw a thread on SecularHomeschool.com’s forums about a Thankfulness Tree, where the kids add ‘leaves’ everyday throughout the month. I thought it was a lovely idea, and we have made one of our own:
It is interesting to me to see the progression of what the kids are thankful for; how it starts out fairly superficial and is leaning more towards the conveniences that we take for granted. ‘Clean clothes’ made the list today, and ‘my home’, which is different from the house as a physical building, I’m told. I’m very curious as to what will make the list as the month continues. Judging by today’s additions though, I think we’re doing fine.
Warmly,
~h
Renaissance-y Goodness
Every year, the Texas Renaissance Festival hosts 2 School Days in November. We went with our homeschool group this past Tuesday and had The. Best. Time. I remember now why I made it a policy to attend at least once every year, and am appalled that it’s been this long (YEARS. a lot of them…) since I have been back…
It’s incredible to me how many learning opportunities there are to be had at something like this. We started working on our Renaissance Lapbook on Monday, and so between the prep beforehand and then actually going and seeing history and technology ‘alive’ one the day of – it’s such a great way for the kids to learn!
We started the morning with a performance by costumed performers playing traditional Scottish songs on the bagpipes and Highland Dancing. The children all agreed that both the dancing and the pipes required a great deal of skill and were suitably impressed with the talent. After that, we went for a demonstration at the Blacksmith’s shop. He made a dinner bell and the kids were fascinated with the process. PeaGreen spent the entire rest of the day asking to go back, and when we finally made our way back around there he did end up watching for almost an hour.
After that, we caught the glass blowing demo. This was LittleBoyBlue’s favorite part (though later on he said it was the blacksmith, too). She made a flared vase. It was neat because there was a narrator explaining everything that the artisan was doing and why. Of all the demos, I think this one was where the kids really learned the most.
After the glass blowing, we wandered for a bit, looking at shops and admiring the people in-costume, then headed over to the jousting arena and had a pretzel. Bella was chosen to present one of the knights with her ‘favor’ – a ribbon for his lance.
After jousting, we again checked out some of the artisans and tradespeople, then made our way over to one of the many stages for Tartanic. If you haven’t seen these guys, I highly recommend that you do so. Their mission is to ‘bring the bagpipes to the masses’. Bagpipe dance music… that’s all I’m gonna say. The kids were all hungry by this point, so it was a challenge to get them all sitting still and cooperative, but once the drums started, the lot of them were completely enchanted.
After lunch, we took a stroll around the other side of the park and stopped by the Globe Stage to see the Pirates perform. They told a bunch of really bad jokes (that were funny anyway) and sang pirate songs. It was quite the pARGH!ty, if you’ll pardon the pun.
After that, we split from the group and snagged souvenirs – the kids both got magic stones and I snagged an awesome coined scarf (mush like the one below) that I have been wearing all day today, jingling everywhere I go.
The kids also got a last-minute demo and briefing on Chinese weaponry from a passing pirate (who took offense at Bella’s use of technology during a Renaissance Faire). He teased the kids a bit and was, in all, a great way to end the day.
I had an absolutely unparalleled day of goodness and fun. I have made a renewed commitment to myself to go out there again soon (though I think without the children). I forgot how much I enjoy stuff like that.
…and so endeth our Renaissance Festival field trip, but the lessons don’t stop there! PB&JMom made a RenFaire Lapbook that we’ve been working on and adding into our Renaissance Lapbook (which will all be posted maybe tomorrow). It was really surprising to me how much the boys took in yesterday. We’ve had such a great couple of days, and it’s days like this that reinforce my decision to be a homeschooling mom.
Warmly,
~h
It’s Not All Fun and Games
You know how when you’re in labor and the contractions just get stronger and stronger and no matter what you do, they just keep coming – wave after wave after wave and you just can’t seem to catch your breath?
Yeah – welcome to my day without the satisfying feeling of a job well done and reward of a nursling at your breast at the end of it all.
I know I’ve griped many times in the past about Mondays, but they just seem to always be the worst sort of challenge in our house. I usually start the week off with a sense of anticipation. It’s a new week, a new beginning – time to get back into the groove of daily life. Today was no different; I was ready to get back into the swing of things after the long and busy (and really fun) holiday weekend. We’re going to the Texas Renaissance Festival tomorrow, so I wanted to at least cover some of the basics, maybe start a lapbook on the Renaissance, just to get the kids acquainted with the time frame and prepare them for the things they might see tomorrow. It’s an awesome event and I am really looking forward to going.
We got off to a pretty good start. I found a lapbook model on HsKube’s Haven at Home that I liked and thought we could use as a base – we ended up starting with the castle and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. We measured and drew the lines to make the curtain walls and parapets, then added the merlons so that the walls were crenelated (yes, I learned those words while making the lapbook. neener-neener) Of course, when it was time to color them, you’d have thought I was torturing them. Coloring. Not writing. Coloring. Apparently, a fate worse than death.
In my searches for cool Renaissance-y stuff, I also found a couple of YouTube videos on castles that were pretty cool. We watched them a couple of times, and then found some Renaissance music to listen to while they finished coloring. The boys thought the dancing was lame, but the music was cool; we’ll have to see if they adjust that view tomorrow when they see the people dancing in real life.
After that, we did a timeline, noting some of the famous events and people from the Renaissance, the clothing and lives of the people during the Renaissance period and went a little bit into the history of the events leading up to the Renaissance. We’re not done with the lapbook yet, but we made good progress on it despite the lack of enthusiasm on the part of certain small people in my house.
What made the day so horribly trying was that mingled in all this learning goodness was constant bickering between the children. Each of them seemed to go out of their way today to bait and tease and deliberately be ugly to the other. It was driving me insane… I did send each of them several times to go do a chore or other assignment in separate rooms so that I could have a moment’s peace; unfortunately, that didn’t seem to help much today. It’s better now; more on an even keel. The kids are fed and bathed and in bed and I’m sure tomorrow will be great {prayer} oh, please let it be great!! {/prayer}
I wrote this out partially because I needed to vent, and partially to dispel any lingering notions that homeschooling is always perfect and fun and filled with creative learning. There was a moment just after my Loverly Husband came home that I was washing dishes and I was seriously considering throwing in the towel and quitting this homeschooling business. (Yes, homeschooling moms are allowed to think that sometimes.)
It’s a fantasy though, and I know it is unrealistic. We had the same kind of problem when the boys were in school – worse, actually – they get along much better now than they did in school. It just seems so much more… well, MORE when they’re with you and you’re with them all day. Homeschooling doesn’t usually allow me the luxury of sending them away for hours at a time; they have to be with me so that they can get and do their work. I don’t even get to ‘tune out’ most of the time because we’ve taught them that we’re hands-on parents… my guys demand that time, and most of the time it’s satisfying and joyfully given to them. But homeschooling or not, there are days when you wish you could get out your contract and renegotiate what you signed on for.
Warmly,
~h
This Adventure Life 
Just a Normal Homeschooling Mom
On the one hand, I consider myself pretty normal; conventional, even. Traditional, certainly. We’re a family consisting of a married man and woman, with the requisite 2 children (sans dog), living in a single-family home on the outskirts of a moderately sized American city. My Loverly Husband works and is the ‘breadwinner’; I am a homemaker (that hates cooking) and I drive a mini-van (don’t hate; I was adamantly against it until I owned one). My husband works a normal work week, we have relatives that live nearby and maintain a pretty close familial relationship with our siblings, parents and grandparents, typical familial squabbles notwithstanding.
As a mother, I have always been somewhat outside the mainstream. I chose midwives to deliver my babies with instead of OBs. I went into labor spontaneously, naturally and planned natural labors (though that didn’t work out exactly according to plan) and my babes were both born vaginally with no cuts or other artificial assistance. I breastfed exclusively. I made my own baby food. We co-slept, cloth diapered (part-time) and opted out of vaccination. I breastfed through my pregnancy with my second child and tandem nursed my babies. We never used babysitters; only family ever watched my kids and those occasions were (and still are) few and far between; not because we don’t have options or because we don’t trust anyone, but because we actually enjoy spending time with our kids. That’s normal for us, and I’m used to being different from others in this respect.
As a homeschooling mom, we’re right in the middle. We’re not too rigorous, nor are we totally relaxed. We use both books and computers for schoolwork. For the most part, I feel right there in the thick of ‘normal’. There are times though, that I feel like I’m really out there on the edge. I think that the determining factor is who I’m surrounded by in that moment. As a homeschooling mom, I should be part of this enormous and growing community of women who support each other and reassure each other in their endeavors to educate their kids. But as a secular homeschooler, I’m one of the smaller sub-sections of homeschooler for whom there is little support – much like ‘homeschooling dad’ or ‘working homeschooling mother’ or ‘homeschooling grandparent’.
Thankfully, the secular homeschooling community is growing by leaps and bounds. Even just over the past year, I’ve noticed more groups and blogs that speak to secular homeschoolers popping up. Searching ‘secular homeschooling’ nets more and more sites every week. That’s a great thing, because that means that what is considered normal is changing. The more label-specific groups open up, the more diverse the general homeschooling community becomes, which in turn helps to re-define ‘normal’. I sincerely hope that other niche groups of homeschoolers will also grow, further shaping society’s perception or normalcy.
I’m very fortunate to be a part of a growing and active local support group. The benefit to me and my children in having like-minded homeschoolers to meet up with definitely helps shape my idea of normal. As it is now, I am happy to be a ‘normal’ homeschooling mom, especially when my definition of ‘normal’ means that I get to have bright pink hair and kids with freshly cut mohawks.
What’s your normal?
Warmly,
~h
November 23, 2010 | Categories: Advocacy, Secular Thursday | Tags: commentary, homeschooling, random thoughts, secular homeschooling, Secular Thursday, what is normal | 11 Comments