Homeschooling: It's not what we do, it's how we live.

Never Stop Learning

Summer 2019 Update

summer1

Oh, boy… where to start.
So when I posted last, we’d finished most of the base work in the kitchen and were about to start installing cabinets. What I didn’t know then was that the cabinets we ordered (from Home Depot) were flimsy and cheap, and one of them was damaged in the crate (which we didn’t find out about until we unboxed). Then when Loverly Husband was dry-fitting them in place, we realized that there were many, many issues that would inevitably crop up because of their shoddy, cheap, flimsy construction. So we made the really tough decision to send them all back and have actual, real, hardy, SOLID WOOD cabinets made. That set us back twice the cost and several months, because it was custom work, plus we ended up adding another section of cabinets to the original plan… so though the main cabinets were in mid-March, the final cabinet installation didn’t happen until mid-May.

We were able to have the countertops, sink and appliances put in, and the flooring and door, window and floor trim done throughout the kitchen and living room in by mid-April, and the crown molding and final re-paint at the beginning of June. We still have one tiny section of granite to have cut from our slab for the soon-to-be coffee bar in the kitchen (not pictured), but that will have to wait a few weeks still, because the rest of the slab will be Loverly Husband’s desk top in the office.

Here’s the final before and after:

before-2017

February 2017

 

20190618_121033

June 2019

It’s not the same angle, but I think there’s a marked improvement. It’s hard to see in the top pic because it was taken at night, but we had to replace the glass in the lower right window, so we took the texture off the other one so they’d match. We’re still not sure if we’ll re-texture them all or leave them or what. For now, though, it’s fine.

At the end of January, we also had a carport/porch put on the front of the house (something we haven’t had since Hurricane Rita took ours off back in 2005), and a cover on the back porch (which Hurricane Ike took out in 2008). Stupid hurricanes.

We had most of the trees in the back yard taken out (to hopefully lessen the potential for damage in future hurricanes), but other than that and porches, we haven’t really started on the yard or outside of the house, which needs to be re-painted, and we’re planning on adding a wheelchair ramp so my dad can get into our house. He lives next door, and  the construction on his house was completed at the end of February, so he’s happy to be back in it. It’s so strange going in his house now. It was my childhood home, but it looks SO different now! We talk a lot about how different it would look if my mom were still alive to have a say in the decor. It’s been interesting to see how much my dad’s taste differs from hers.

In terms of actual school stuff, it’s been fairly boring. The boys are still a wee bit behind from Hurricane Harvey, but are on track to start the fall school year on time. I will have a Senior (and a Junior) this year, which I just can’t hardly even believe. Our journey through homeschooling is coming to a close (though we’re not quite there yet), and I find myself feeling all nostalgic as more and more of my friends who have younger kids are starting their journeys with kinders and elementary kiddos. I was so excited to get started, and I enjoyed spending time with my kiddos so much – I’m trying to savor every moment as we move towards graduation.

There are some big hurdles still ahead though. Graduation being one of them. Thankfully, there’s a homeschool group in our area that hosted their first graduation this past spring, and there are seasoned moms willing to help those of us who are new and clueless. I’m excited to work with them, and for LBB to have the chance to participate in ‘senior year’ type activities with other kids his age.

Both of the boys are in driver’s ed, with plans to get their permits just as soon as I figure out the whole process. Honestly, it’s so complicated; I think they do it that way to discourage teenagers from driving. But soon, they’ll be legally permitted on the roads, though it will be a while before either can get their actual licenses.

In other news, therapy continues. Healing is a long and hard process, and in the interests of both transparency and privacy, I wanted to mention it without going into detail. Long story short: parents won’t always be aware of depression in their teens, because depression can be fairly easily hidden and/or mimic other, totally normal teen states. We’re on a learning curve right now, but  self-care in important; getting help is important (for parents and for kids).

I tend to try to go back and post things to catch up from when I last updated, so I’ll stick with that format.

In February, we took the kids to Houston to Dave & Busters just to get some family fun time away from the house. There’s always so much to do that it’s hard to get perspective sometimes. We needed a break and Loverly Husband nailed it with this semi-surprise outing.

IMG_20190205_184245_786

IMG_20190205_184245_785

Our homeschool group went to IFly in Houston for a field trip; my sister in law joined us, so I got shots of all the kids doing cool stuff! This was such a fun place. LBB opted out (and so did I, though several parents also flew), but PeaGreen and my niece and nephew tried it. They said it was cool, and fun, but too short – by the time they got the hang of it, their turn was over.

We also tried Bowling Club with another local homeschool group, and you can see from their overjoyed expressions… that didn’t last long. But points for trying, eh? This is something like our 8th summer to do KidsBowlFree, so even though they’re less than enthused, I’m still going to drag them out to play with me some this summer.

IMG_20190221_101720_247

We also saw a performance of Frankenstein at Lutcher theater, which I enjoyed immensely. The boys less so, but I do my best to throw them at culture whenever I have the opportunity. It’s my duty as a parent. We sat center-front-balcony; my favorite spot in the theater, and we had the entire balcony to ourselves, which was most excellent.

IMG_20190225_105742_824

In March, we toured our local TV News station, and the kids got green-screen reaction shots of themselves to create memes with. I don’t have those pictures, but I wanted to document that they actually posed for pictures without being told to. That’s a thing, trust me!

20190327_123153

And April was homeschool prom season…there were two this year that PG went to (LBB opted to stay home), and I guess I only got pictures from one somehow. Luckily, through the power of the internets… I found one from the other prom as well. Yes, my weirdo kid took a ballon-Lila from Futurama as his date. Kids these days, yo.

IMG_20190407_124722_335.jpg
prom2-2019

April is also Camp NaNoWriMo. I taught a class for one of our local homeschool groups, but both of my kiddos opted out this time. I, however, accomplished my 10K wordcount, even though the story I was working on is far from done. I tried writing a fan-fiction just for fun, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought and since it’s not my own, I probably won’t ever finish it. But it was good practice. It was really fun to hear how excited the kids who participated were for their stories. Several of them completed their April Camp story, and we’re planning on seeing some of them again in November for NaNoWriMo’s real deal.

IMG_20190430_213605_356

In the spring, we found out that the Symphony League of Beaumont was hosting a summer strings camp, and will be hosting music lessons in the fall. It’s been a while since the boys have played with any regularity, but they have two years of orchestra under their belts and I don’t want to let that go to waste, so I signed them up.

That meant daily practice to re-familiarize themselves with their instruments (LBB on cello and Peagreen on violin) for the four weeks of May. This was their first day even holding instruments after probably a year without. The cello has been in storage (inside, climate controlled, for those who might worry), but held up surprisingly well. It only needed minor adjustments to be fully back in tune and ready to play. We ended up buying PG a new violin. His first one was just a cheap-o started one, and got wrecked in the hurricane. He had a replacement, but it was also a beginner, so we upgraded since he’ll be playing with more regularity in the fall.

May also saw us start doing more stuff with our local group as well; the months of March and April were just so filled with work on the house that we didn’t really have a lot of time for other stuff.

We did blackout poetry at the mall one day, and the beach another day (though the boys opted out of going at the last minute). We had a big family dinner at my dad’s, and I started another run-through of The Artist’s Way. I also took a day-trip with some of my friends to Galveston, and we saw some fabulous street art along the way.

The beginning of June saw the kids at string camp…

20190607_121001 (1)

 

… which brings us pretty much up to date!

There are probably a hundred car-selfies that I could share, usually to or from therapy or a grocery run (because curbside grocery service at HEB is my most favoritest thing ever),  but I’ll leave those to Instagram. Other than that, I’ll leave you with the sign we have in our kitchen window:
IMG_20190513_112203_880

**reminder to take your meds**

Until next time!
~h

Advertisements

January 2019 Update

So way back in September, I’d planned on doing a big ‘One year after Harvey’ post. I started it, then life happened and it sat in my drafts folder until now. Well, technically, it’s still there; this is an entirely new post. I say ‘life happened’, but that’s not entirely true; lots of things happened, and I honestly just wasn’t feeling up to writing about and sharing details of the extreme stress going on in my life at the time. Additionally, though we had technically started back to school in the Spring semester last year, it wasn’t until the fall, when I enrolled the kids in an online school, that we really settled into a good, daily, school routine. Though we have been back in our house since October of 2017, we are still mid-construction. Having such a disrupted environment is extremely difficult, and we’re muddling through as best we can.

 

My previous update was nearly a year ago, after PG’s 15th birthday and Camp NaNoWriMo. I’m happy to report that July 2018 was my first NoNoWriMo event win; the minimum word count for Camp is 10K, and I wrote my story at 25K and some change. The actual story I wrote is still not complete; it’s an autobiographical story, and was as much therapy writing as challenge. It may never see the light of day, but it was still the most writing that I’d put into any single project. I went on to participate in the actual 50K NaNoWriMo in November of 2018, and won! I am continuing to write that story, with plans to complete it ready for editing in April.

 

 

House-wise, we’re almost done with our kitchen. We gutted it in October and completed electrical, insulation and sheetrock work on all the walls and ceiling in December. Our new cabinets are in, and we’re planning to start installation within the next week or so. Loverly Husband’s work schedule dictates a lot of our home-repair schedule.

kitchen – gutted

kitchen – with new electrical, ceiling, lighting, and sheetrock

In August, I decided to put the kids in an online school. Without storage space and work space, trying to teach myself became more of a challenge than I was up for. Having a third-party doing the bulk of the teaching let me step in where I was needed instead of having to be on-call 100% of the time. As the boys were entering their sophomore and Junior years, it also gave the kids more of a sense of ownership of their education, because they were able to choose some of their classes. PG took an interest in Business Management and Economics, while LBB chose Electrical Technology I as his elective.

In addition to their classes at home, we’ve maintained an active presence in our local homeschool group, of which we have been a part since 2004. There is also a new, inclusive, opt-in homeschooling group that we’ve jumped into with both feet as well. Having two groups to socialize and learn with has been fun, and kept us very busy.

With Triangle Homeschoolers:

 

Not Back to School FroYo Party – August 2018

Teen Social Brunch at IHOP (during the IHOB scandal)

Stark Art Museum – Orange, TX

Start Art Museum Art Class – Orange TX

LBB – Start Art Museum Class

Beaumont Police Museum Tour

Triangle Homeschoolers Christmas Party 2018

With LIFE:

Teen Council – Leadership
PG ran for and was elected TC President for the Fall semester, and recently re-elected for the Spring semester as well. LBB was elected as one of the Communications officers for the fall semester, but opted out for the Spring.

LIFE Teen Council – Fall Semester 2018

The Teen Council organized and hosted a Fall ‘Welcome back to school’ dance for the entire group. The kids had a really great time, and made a lot of new friends.

The fall semester also saw the creation of several teen-oriented classes, including Life Skills with a focus on career planning, and a Speech class to familiarize the students with public speaking. The Life Skills class was great. It was taught by a couple, which is so rare, and was a nice change of pace. At the end of the run of classes, they asked the kids to dress as if they were going to a job interview, and to bring their resume. Afterwards, they gave the students some constructive feedback. The Public Speaking course was also taught by a homeschooling dad, and they’ll be offering their final speeches in a couple of weeks.

One of the things I love about being part of an open, larger group is the availability to organize more rigorous classes. LIFE was able to introduce a beginning American Sign Language course, and so we’re all taking it. The kids often break into little practice groups during class.

The Teen Council also hosted a Winter Semi-Formal (that turned into a casual dance).

 

Other things we did during the fall 2018 Semester:

Fantastic Beasts – The Crimes of Grindlewald

sneak photography while the kids visit with a long-lost friend

the traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall when it came to Kountze, TX

Halloween 2018 – PG is a Ginger Bread Man, and LBB is SansUndertale

Labyrinth at Flashback Theater in Baytown

In general life terms, we’ve had an eventful fall. PeaGreen bought himself a guitar and has been working on teaching himself to play. He’s learning by ear, and has gotten some chords down and is beginning to play recognizable tunes.

PG’s new guitar – fall2018

Our holidays were pretty low-key. Thanksgiving was full of tasty food and a littler of puppies. The kids spent most of the day outside underneath 7 mixed-breed pups that were absolutely adorable.

Christmas was much the same, only with a few less pups (who’ve since moved off to homes of their own).

With so many changes over the past couple of years, we decided that it would be a good idea to start the kids in therapy. They’ve been going since September, and we feel like it’s helping.

at therapy in the waiting room

Lunch with LBB and Loverly Husband – Sept 2018

Nov 2018

Dec 2018

Dec 2018

Dec 2018

And last, but not least, this little gem popped up in my Facebook memories a few months ago, so I snagged a picture of the boys that day to compare. What a difference six years makes!

top: 2012; bottom 2018

 

I can’t promise that I’ll be updating with regularity, but I’ll get around to it eventually.
Warmly,
~h


10 Months Post Harvey: Early Summer 2018

Well, spring has well and truly faded into summer. Even though the official start of Summer isn’t until July, in Texas, we all know that summer actually starts in late May. At a certain point, everything gets all melty, and that’s how you know that it’s actual summer, and that there will be no relief for the unbearable heat anytime within the next several months. When you live in Texas, you just have to learn to accept this as fact and move on. It means no more hikes; no more outside anything, really, unless you count the walk between the air conditioned ‘indoors’ to the air conditioned car or any time spent at the pool.

When last I posted, we found our intrepid heroes wrapping up homeschool co-op for the year, going to prom, and (as seems to be, forever) working on repairing our house post-Hurricane Harvey. That was back in April, so I have a couple of months to cover before you’re back up to speed, dear reader.

As ever, we’ve been busy, though not really with a lot of schoolwork of late. We took some time off because I was out of town, and there were a couple of weeks when Loverly Husband was also off work, so house-work became to priority. Although it doesn’t look it, we’ve gotten quite a lot accomplished; most of it is just behind the scenes. We’re about to start on the kitchen, completion of which will put us on the downhill slope towards being totally repaired. All that will be left post-kitchen is the master bedroom, bath and the office. Then we’ll tackle some outside projects, but that’s so not the focus right now. We did remove a wall; our house was built in the 1960’s, when open floor plans weren’t a thing. Our living room was an odd rectangle, but with a door on every wall, making furniture placement frustrating and entertaining impossible. We took the wall between the living room and kitchen out, making the whole center of the house one big room. I’m excited to see it finished. We have finished with texturing and painting, but still have the ceiling fan and vent covers to put back on, and trim work. We’re planning to do the living room and kitchen trim all at once. In any case, it’s definitely coming along.

School-wise, I found that trying to pretend like things were ‘normal’ when we really still aren’t solidly living a normal life in our house was not working. Despite trying to keep up and on a regular schedule, it was really hard to keep the kids on task and myself organized to help them. I have long been an advocate of ‘trying something new’ when whatever you’re currently doing isn’t working out, so I decided to enroll the boys in an online school. We’re using Acellus for the time being. I don’t know if this is permanent yet or not, but it’s going well for now, and lends a little more freedom to me and organization to them, plus they both have said that they like it (for now) and I am very grateful for that. Because our school year for 2017-2018 was so very interrupted, our schedule has been sketchy. In the Spring, we took a few weeks off to accommodate travel, illness, Loverly Husband’s vacation time and other productivity issues, but have been solidly in-session for the last couple of weeks now, and I feel like they’re making good progress.

That said, let’s recap! My last post was in April, so picking up where I left off…
Our homeschool group hosted an outdoor survival class at a local park. One of our families has an older daughter who lives in CA and works as a ranger-type for Girl Scouts or CampFire, I don’t remember which. She’s all about teaching though, and volunteered to take our students for a hike with an outdoor lesson. We had a great turnout, and the kids enjoyed having someone closer to their own age doing the teaching.

Afterwards, we spent some time with family. Spring is crawfish season in the South, and we’re nothing if not slaves to tradition. Unfortunately, my sister and I are allergic to shellfish, including crawfish, so our crawfish boils look a bit different than most people’s. The potatoes and corn and Zummo’s all go into the seasoned water first, then into a cooler once cooked, then the mudbugs go in all alone. My kids are, however, not allergic, and ate their fill. As per the usual, any time we get the kids together, we try to make them all stand still for 5 seconds to get a photo of them. This time, we even got my dad in the mix.

 

 

 

We’ve also logged a couple of teen socials with our homeschool group… the kids are a little older now, so I don’t always get pictures of them, but I do usually get a shot with our little mom’s group. We’ve hit the pool, a couple of local coffee shops with regularity, and our local froyo bar, OrangeLeaf, is another popular spot. We also hit up a burger joint for lunch one day instead of just coffee. They have an area that could generously be called an ‘arcade’, where many shenanigans were enjoyed.

 

We visited the Houston Health Museum in May, complete with Lab time for the kids. We’ve done this before, and it’s always fun. This time, the main exhibit was a series of kinetic sound machines/experiments/tech called BioRhythm… really interesting stuff. There was also a really weird film that was a trio of really bizarre looking people who had musical instruments borg-ed into their flesh. There were 3 separate videos that started off individually but eventually synced to make a ‘band’ of sorts… or st least a cohesive rhythmic noise. It was weird, but probably the thing that’s stuck with me the longest. True art, I’d say… something that someone creates that you just can’t forget about, and really creepy, which I totally dig. It was called BioMen, and was created by Chaja Hertog from the Netherlands. I think the videos are even on YouTube now.

It’s not been all work and no play; Loverly Husband and I slipped away to Houston with some friends for a weekend away. We went to the Death By Natural Causes exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science without the kids, and had dinner at an amazing steakhouse called Fogo de Chao, then stayed at a downtown Houston hotel for the evening. It was a lovely little mini-break!

 

In other news, our homeschool group organized a Marshmallow gun challenge using PVC pipes. We set up an obstacle course for them, then sent them off to play battle games while we watched. It’s gotten so hot out that I’m amazed they had as much energy as they did.

A couple of our lovely homeschool friends contributed to a local art show, which we absolutely couldn’t miss. The theme was floral related, and the art work was amazing. There’s a tendency to say that our town is ‘boring’, but there is so much to do and see, especially within the art community lately, if you just look for it. It’s always been that way, but more so in the last few years. The city launched a beautification project recently that invites local artists to paint traffic control boxes around town. I have several friends who’ve painted boxes, and a couple more in the works. The city has also opened up some park benches to get the same treatment, and we’re talking about having our homeschool group do one as a group project.

Our Mom’s Night out events are always fun; we’ve been joining a local mothering group for their Hoops & Wine nights lately. It’s been a lot of fun, with a little bonus exercise tossed in for good measure as well. It’s really nice to get to chat with some of the moms in our homeschool group without kids; we have a pretty diverse group of moms in our group, and I always really enjoy spending time with them in a grown-up environment.

For my BFF’s birthday, she wanted to take a road trip, so we did! It was really spur of the moment, and such a great time. I’m not usually a spontaneous person, but I’ve been giving being more laid back a try, and it was really relaxing. We drove through Texas to Colorado, and stayed in Air B’nBs, so we spent 3 nights and 4 days really inexpensively. Last time we made this drive, it was nighttime, and we missed a lot of the scenery across west Texas. This time, it was still light, and we passed Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo. I have seen this online before, but thought it was in Arizona or something; I had no idea it was in Texas! We stopped and got pictures. It was wet and muddy, and there was a ton of trash, but it was still pretty cool.

 

PeaGreen shares his birthday day with his BFF, TabasocBoi, so they had a joint pool party to celebrate. PeaGreen is officially 15 now, and TB is 16. They donned Birthday Dictator hats for the duration, and bossed everyone around. They seem to have enjoyed themselves, but this demonstration reminds me that it’s maybe a good thing that my kid doesn’t have any real power (because he might be a terrible person {wink}).

Somewhere in February, back when RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 was still on, my friend Michelle found out that Trixie Mattel was going to be coming to Houston, and tickets were pretty cheap, so we snagged a quad pack. Fast forward to the end of June, and Trixie had won All Stars 3, and was still coming to Houston, but now with a crown. We took a weekend trip, and had a great time, complete with breakfast crepes al fresco at CoCo’s in Midtown.

4th of July has always been a ton of fun for us, since PeaGreen’s birthday is the 5th. Since we’re still not finished with our house, we spent the evening with friends. Once it got dark, the kids took to the streets with Roman Candles and Harry Potter spells, or at least we tried to convince them to use HP spells… they were less enthusiastic about it, but did a couple just to make the moms happy (and we love them for that).

Loverly Husband was on call the week of PG’s actual birthday (and we like to make the celebration last…), so we took PG out for a birthday Dinner at a local Italian eatery. PG is all into pasta these days… making, cooking and eating, and requested that we each get a different pasta dish and share. LBB opted out, but we still ended up with 3 different pasta dishes and more than enough food to bring home.

‘ice cream for breakfast while we have the car serviced’ selfies.

This past weekend, we finally broke ground on the kitchen; we are moving our refrigerator to a recessed closet off to the side so that we have access to our back door again. Our kitchen was TINY, and when we bought our kitchen table set a few years ago, we realized too late that the table was a bit bigger than we’d thought. The configuration of the kitchen meant that the only place to put the refrigerator was in front of the back door, so we blocked it off and the fridge has been there ever since. When we took the wall out between the living room and kitchen post-Harvey, it opened up more possibilities, so we’re taking advantage of that now (and I’ll have a back porch accessible through the kitchen again – yay!). We have the closet framed and sheetrocked; next up is to built in the cabinet overhead, then we can start on pulling the ceiling tiles so we can insulate and do the new lighting, then sheetrock. It’s just the beginning stages of a massive project – probably THE main project since we’ve been doing recovery work, but we’re finally on it and I am so glad!

 

We also saw our friends perform in their summer workshop play with Orange Community Players in Heroes & Villains Too! The Quest for Shmeep.

In other news, July is Camp NaNoWrimo, and I am at 15.8K of 25K words, so I am pleased with myself. I’ve never been this close to hitting a target word-count within the time frame, so I am feeling confident that I will win (for the first time!). If you’re a writer-type, Camp (10K word count) is a good way to get your feet wet in prep for November, which is the big project: 50K words. I have no idea what I am going to write about in November, but I hope it works out as well as this month is going.

That’s pretty much everything for the last couple of months! Just trying to keep up so that I don’t fall completely off the face of the earth between posts.

How’s things with you?
Warmly,
~h


Post Harvey: Back to School, Take II

Well, we’re trying this whole ‘back to school’ thing again. Post hurricane Harvey, it’s been difficult to get into a good routine. Not having the basics will do that; even now (towards the end of the month), we’re still working in notebooks without a desk or table, and lacking most of our ‘normal’ homeschooly things. But, as the infamous and fabulous Tim Gunn admonishes, we’re making it work.

The first week of January was a total scratch. Loverly Husband was off work, so our initial plans to ‘back to school’ the first week got thrown out (save co-op, which actually did start back up the first week) in favor of working on our house. We never get much schoolwork done when he’s home anyway, and with so much still left to do on the house, I imagine a lot of ‘in favor of working on the house’ options will be exercised until we get it back into working order.

Happily though, the beginning of week 2 put up back in business. I spent Sunday the 7th getting my computer set up (finally – my REAL computer!!), and printer – only to realize that the printer went kaput somewhere along the way. Realistically, printers aren’t once-in-a-lifetime purchases anymore; I know this. We bought our current printer, perhaps, 2 years ago, and these days that’s about all the life the average printer seems to have in it. So on the one hand, it was probably about time for it to die and be replaced. On the other hand, REALLY?! Are you KIDDING me? What’s one more matchstick on the ever-growing bonfire that is my life, I guess. In any case, we did start school the second week of January (even without a new printer, which arrived on Wednesday).

TH THINK High School Co-op – January 6, 2018 (resuming after Hurricane Harvey)

TH THINK High School Co-op Moms!

I also got to spend some time towards the end of the week with my oldest friends. We’ve literally known each other since the cradle – I’m the youngest, so we’ve been friends for over 40 years now. Though we’ve all kind of gone off on our own paths, it’s a lovely feeling to be able to reconnect and spend time together with people who’ve known you all your life!

My oldest friends – since we were babies!

Our homeschool group tries to plan regular Teen Social events, and Mom’s Night Out events each month. This time, they happened to coincide; we dropped the kids off at a local trampoline park for their kids’ night, and the moms in our group met for dinner. We had a great time!

Our homeschool group’s Mom’s Night Out (while the teens and ‘tweens were having a teen social at the trampoline park)

Car selfie on the way to orchestra practice!

Back to school – Week 2 of 2018 and back to the grind (even though our house is still not finished – life goes on)

D&D – ongoing for almost 2 years now!

I’m honestly torn between taking it easy right now and cracking the whip. On one hand, we’ve missed quite a bit of school this past year. Between my mom dying right at the beginning of the year, her funeral and grieving her loss, we missed several weeks (which we’d mostly made up by the end of the summer), and then hurricane Harvey’s shenanigans, which has put us *months* behind… I just am not sure what the best thing to do is. We’re kind of taking it down the middle; neither light nor intense – just ‘normal’, I suppose.

Oddly enough, I pulled several resources that focus on a unity-study/literature-based approach (which has always been my favorite way to homeschool), and it seems to be working well and covering all the based (with additional math, science and history). We’d gotten away from a CM-style method as the kids got older because I was working more and needed them to be more independently capable. This requires more reading, which we enjoy doing together, so it’s been a lot of gathering on Mom’s bed to read, which is a nice throwback to several years ago.

 

Week 3 threw another wrench in our plans. I swear… lately it seems like every time I start to get a handle on things, something goes catastrophically wrong. Loverly Husband was unexpectedly off again, so not much got accomplished other than music practice & co-op. Truthfully, it wasn’t unexpected on his part; only mine. I had not gotten the updated version of his work schedule, so my planning had not taken that into consideration. It worked out though (as it also always seems to).  The weather was crazy cold – freezing temperatures most of the week, and our second snowfall in one year – unbelievable for Texas! I also ended up getting sick, so it all kinda worked out for the best since most of my week was spent in a feverish sleep. We (and by ‘we’, I mean my Loverly Husband) were able to make progress on the house; the tile in the hall bathroom got grouted and he finished the flooring in the hall and kids’ rooms.

Toward the end of the week, we met with Home Depot to do our kitchen consultation… it was a great experience, but I had no idea that we would be looking at a months-long process. Le sigh. Nothing with our house has happened quickly or easily, and that is so wearing and stressful.

Actual snow! There was more than this, but I was sick and didn’t get pictures.

sneaky selfie at Home Depot

Week 4 was a little more ‘back to normal. We resumed school and co-op (which we cancelled the week before due to my illness and the weather). Our homeschool group’s big park day met mid-week. We had quite a few new people, which is always good. It will be interesting to see how many of them stick around. We always have interest on park days, but that doesn’t always translate to growth in the group. But hopefully some of the newbies will stick around. After park day, we had lunch with some friends, then went to the craft store. I picked up a presentation white board on clearance since I don’t have access to my chalkboards at home. It’s hard to homeschool when you’re used to having things that you suddenly don’t have anymore. It’s a learning experience for me, for sure. I realize how spoiled I am (and grateful) as a homeschooling parent.

Lunch after Park Day

Co-op was great; we had 2 new students join, and the moms worked on art projects! We’re all kind of doing the ‘Wreck This Journal’ thing, and we played with the paint pouring technique on small canvases while the kids were working on their lessons.

paint pouring at co-op (moms having fun!!)

Kids working hard at co-op

Solitary workers… working together! LOL

Wreck This Journal

running errands – my kids are weird

That brings us to this week… we’re definitely back to the grind; staying home most of the week and playing catch-up. All in all, now that we’re in the last few days, it seems like this month has flown by. But the whole month feels like it was just dragging by every day. Weird how time can pass both slowly and quickly at the same time!


Today is January 29th; the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. It’s been a really long, hard year. This was one of our first, and our last family portraits. I miss her.

How’s your 2018 going?
Warmly,
~h


Post Harvey: Back to School

Last time I posted, we were in the middle of our ‘soft start’ back to school. Since then, it’s been a struggle trying to figure out what our new ‘normal’ looks like. Before hurricane Harvey struck, we’d been experimenting with a block schedule, but without any impetus to really give it a good try, it’s just been a thing more in theory than in practice. But since we are still living with friends right now, and not in our own space where we can school as we normally do, we’ve revisited the idea of a block schedule in truth as a way to make the most of our time and energy (and limited space and resources).

Block scheduling, for those who aren’t familiar with the concept, is basically where you do only one or two subjects per day, but rather than spread the lessons out over the course of the week, you do several lessons in that subject all at once. Colleges usually have block scheduling. Here’s a sample of what our (ideal) block schedule looks like right now:

  • Mondays: science, SAT practice and music (orchestra class)
  • Tuesdays: history, civics, SAT practice & music
  • Wednesdays: math, SAT practice & music
  • Thursdays: co-op (including orchestra class)
  • Fridays: grammar, literature, SAT practice & music (orchestra practice at home and private lessons on their second instrument)

I say ‘ideal’ because we are still displaced from Harvey, and  keeping any kind of regular schedule is… difficult, at best. At this point, if we manage to get *any* schooling done, I am counting it as a success. We are eight weeks out, and I literally have no idea when our lives will return even to a glimpse of ‘normal’. But we’re working on establishing whatever good habits, school-wise, we can, and music practice is a big part of that.

LBB is still catching up to where the class is after switching to cello from violin over the summer, and PeaGreen (who is still playing violin for co-op) has experimented with several instruments including piano, guitar, ukulele, and coronet and has now decided that saxophone is the one for him. With a saxophone in hand now (thanks to a very generous friend), he’s confident that his future as a jazz musician is assured. We’ll see how that goes. LBB has tried guitar and piano, and is just focusing on cello for now.

so shiny!!

This is his ‘serious jazz musician’ face.

Practice in ‘not our house’ has been difficult. I don’t know if our music stands were tossed in the cleanup, or if they’re very well-packed, but I couldn’t find them so we’ve had to make-do. Fortunately, that’s been resolved since these pictures were taken (thanks Amazon Prime 2-day free shipping*!!). LBB’s been using my cello book in class, so I also got him a new book, strings and a bow for PeaGreen (the one PG is using is his teacher’s) so we’re finally set for orchestra to resume. Co-op as well; we started up a couple of weeks ago, but the first class back ended up being a social thing with no classes since the kids hadn’t seen each other in a month. Hurricanes are hard to deal with in so many ways; I’ve been through them before with younger kids (Rita when they were 2/3, and Ike when they were 5/6 or so), and this experience has been harder in some ways and easier in some. When they were younger, being out of our house was an adventure. As long as I was cool, they were cool. Now, they have enough knowledge and interest in the situation to be stressed in their own right, independent of my feelings about the situation. Just another stop on the magical mystery tour of parenting teenagers, I guess.

We did get ‘official’ school pictures done though. Behold:

It’s been hard to decide what the priority thing is lately. Everything is a priority right now, therefore nothing is. It’s a weird place to be in, and stressful because there’s so much to do in every direction. Not only are we cleaning up our own house, but also my dad’s. He lives 2 houses down from us, and was also flooded/rescued during Harvey. He’s also been displaced and is staying with friends. He’s in a wheelchair, so my sister was really the one who did the initial cleanup and set-up of the fans to dry everything out. Along the way, she found a Starbucks gift card in some of my mom’s things (we lost so much of her personal things that we hadn’t gotten to yet – it’s pretty traumatizing), and since she doesn’t drink coffee, passed it along to me. Being without her has been hard; it was nice to have ‘coffee on Mom’ one last time with LBB. I do want to point out that though I did get the picture I wanted (below), LBB thought it was ‘disrespectful’ to make a big deal about having coffee with/on Grammie, which initiated a conversation about grief and processing and the ways and hows that make things okay or distasteful for different people, and how to support different choices and paths of grieving. I forget sometimes that he lost both of his grandmothers within 18 months of each other. It was a good conversation, and a good reminder for me.

Aside from school and life-lessons, the process of cleanup, demolition, and rebuilding continues. We have an old house, so there have been some repairs that we needed to make anyway that the flooding just exacerbated. Workdays at the house are hard, but it’s nice to see progress.

In the chaos, I am trying to remember to be a good mom. PG and I went to see a showing of The Nightmare Before Christmas (which is a traditional Halloween and Christmas Day movie in our house, but that we won’t get to do this year – at least for Halloween. Maybe for Christmas!!) date night. Then the next day, I woke LBB up early to go have breakfast with me, and of course, selfies in the car have become our ‘thing’.

In other news, our library’s homeschool book clubs have started up again. The teen book club was originally scheduled for sometime in September, but got moved for obvious reasons. I was afraid we’d miss it this year; we missed all of last year due to various reasons – the primary one being my mom’s illness and death (and coming to terms with that after the fact). But with the hurricane, it got pushed back to October, so we didn’t miss it after all.

Another ‘after working on the house’ outing – to Orange Leaf for some much needed froyo with Dad.

practice, practice, practice

Somehow, I only have the one picture of PG playing his new pink violin. I’ll have to rectify that soon.

Though it’s very slow-going, we are definitely making some progress on the house. Now that all of the damaged sheet rock is out, we’re making plans for repairs. On my end, that means choosing new paint colors. I’ve decided to go with the same color for all of the rooms except the bedrooms, and gray is the direction I am leaning. I picked up a few paint swatches and put them on the walls to check the color in the house (because it never looks like it does in the store under the fluorescent lights). Most of them were too ‘blue’, and a few too dark or with a green cast to them. I was able to narrow it down a bit, and will get down to three or so and then move the samples to the other walls.

#allthegreys

#finalists

 

I know that I want my bedroom the same color it was before, but the paint cans are all gone now, so I was really glad I am my same obsessive self, because I was able to go back through blog posts to when we re-did our bedroom to find the paint color – Daring Indigo by Behr. I now have justification for almost a decade of blogging!

At this point, we are just trying to figure out funding. Between FEMA and SBA, hopefully we will be able to make the repairs we need to so that our home is livable again soon. Anyway. That’s pretty much all that’s happening in our world right now. Hope your world is functioning within normal parameters 😉

Bonus picture of these two weirdos ❤

 

Warmly,
~h

*disclaimer: this isn’t a sponsored post and I am not an Amazon affiliate. I just appreciate the hell out of a company that can get me things I want/need in 2 days for free. 😉


It’s Full-on Summer, Y’all

Ugh. It’s SO. FREAKING. HOT. Actually, it’s not the temperature; it’s the 100% humidity that makes being outside unbearable. Even in the shade, the air is sticky and leaves you feeling gross within just a few minutes. I haven’t updated as regularly as I have been, and I am totally blaming the weather. It’s so sticky that even the speed at which my fingers move across the keyboard is enough to generate sweat and tbh, I’m just not that into it.

Sarcasm aside, I feel like this summer has been hotter than usual and as a result, we’ve opted for as much time indoors as possible. Barring a couple of beach trips (which have been a lot of fun, as noted in my previous post), outdoors has been limited to short meditation sessions or to evenings after the sun sinks behind the western tree line. I spent early spring preparing a lovely little outdoor spot with flowers and repainted patio furniture. It’s a shame, too; we were off to such a good start, with dinner on the patio a couple of times a week, but once the heat set in that was a no-go. The sad thing about it is that we still have at least 2 more months of this before it will start cooling off. <— That is said with *extreme* hopefulness, btw.

Also, writing this makes me realize that we need to schedule another beach day, stat!

June was pretty typical; nothing special happened really. Loverly Husband has a new work schedule, so that’s been a bit of an adjustment. His days off fall during weekdays sometimes now, so we’ve had to do some finagling to make sure that our school days and off days line up more with his. Some families cam make homeschool work when Dad’s off, but we never have really been able to stay focused when the temptation of leisure time with Dad is an option.

Music lessons are progressing as expected; PeaGreen is still playing violin (starting 2nd year violin with co-op this year) and piano; LBB is sticking with cello and has started piano. He caught up to where the rest of the class is remarkably fast; even though he’s only about 2 months into cello, he’s starting book 2 with the rest of the class and is only behind muscle-memory-wise. I played with LBB’s violin some last night – just to see how I’d do – and it wasn’t as bad as I expected. Last time I picked it up, I could not play just one string (it’s so much smaller than the cello); this time, after about 15 minutes, I was fairly consistently hitting the right strings to do scales.

A fairly steady stream of ‘school, orchestra practice, school, music lessons, weekend; repeat’ is how much of June went.

orchestra practice – June2017

Dungeons & Dragons – June 2017

 

Lunch date with my two best guys ❤

 

family car-selfie

July started off with PeaGreen’s 14th birthday shenanigans! We made plans with our longtime-summertime play cousins, who moved to Houston last summer. We took the day off from school (birthdays are never school days in our house) and spent the day with friends.

obligatory car-selfie!

They have all grown SO MUCH!! This was way back in 2012; the first summer that we spent with our little mini-group. Now, they’re all ‘tweens & teens, and are making plans for their futures. It’s hard to believe that one day these will be graduation pictures!

PeaGreen campaigned hard for a new kitten, and found the perfect tuxedo cat whom he named Ganymede. Ganymede is a bratty, scratchy cat, but he’s so tiny and adorable that we overlook those few small flaws.

Look! Actual homeschooled students doing actual schoolwork! So rare to see! LOL

PeaGreen had some friends over to help celebrate his birthday. *so much junk food*

We spent some time at the Museum of the Gulf Coast in Port Arthur, TX, and at the Pompeiian Villa, which is an historic home-turned-museum from the days before Port Arthur was a major industrial port in Texas. The MotGC has an exhibit called ‘Betting, Booze & Brothels’ that was great! It was an exhibition created by the Museum on crime and vice in Texas and Louisiana based on the book by Wanda Landrey and Laura O’Toole that deals with the history of gambling, bootlegging, prostitution, and government corruption in this area from Prohibition to the James Commission (1960s) and will be open until August 26, 2017.

PeaGreen holding a 20’s era tommy gun. Since beginning to play violin, he’s made A LOT of jokes about a tommy gun being hidden in the violin case; we thought this was a fitting pose for him!

the dining room at the Pompeiian Villa

Since my grandmother moved to Longview, we haven’t been able to see her as often as we used to. We’ve missed her so much, and finally got to plan some time to go see her. We took a day-trip with my dad and my sister and piled the kids up in the car for the 4+ hour drive there. Her little apartment is very nice; not like ‘home’, but we keep telling her that it’s an adventure.

LittleBoyBlue, PeaGreen & Fred – they’re all so grown up now!!

Our friends were in a play! A neighboring city hosts an amazing summer kids’ drama workshop, and four of our friends were in this year’s production. We’ve been meaning to go see a performance and finally got to this time!

Goofing off with my kids… we take a lot of car selfies. One day I am going to make a post of car selfie progression pics from a full year.


.First day of vibrato practice. I really thought that there would be more complaining/blistered fingertips, but so far it’s going well. So much of playing a stringed instrument is pure muscle memory; I honestly had no idea how much. Knowing a thing with your brain is entirely different from being able to make your body do the thing – even when the thing is rocking your finger back and forth on a string. I’m sure it’s the same with other instruments (piano, I can say for sure), but it seems particularly daunting right now as we learn a new skill.

We’re back to co-op starting this week. We have a few kids who decided not to take all the classes, so orchestra has moved to Mondays, with Thursday’s co-op day being the optional class (which is opposite from last year). It’s nice, because it’s changed the time frame of our co-op day; from 10-2 this year instead of 9-3. Since we start later, we don’t take a lunch break, and it works out.

Today was the first day trying out the new schedule and it worked well. I didn’t get many pictures of today’s classes, but we’ve got an essay class, banking & finance, drama/improv 101 and orchestra. There was a lot of groaning about classes before we started but I don’t know if that was actual dread or general teenaged existential dread… whatever the case, I think they were all pleasantly surprised at how much fun they had today.

August promises similarly warm weather and the start of the new school year. We are still doing our summer schedule right now, but I will be updating with a curriculum for 9th (PeaGreen) and 10th (LBB) in August with the Not Back to School Blog hop, which should be starting up soon. This will be their 9th year, if they host it this year. There was some confusion since they moved it to the new host; either way, *I* will be doing my own version of it like I (intend to) do at the beginning of every year:

  1.  Week: Curriculum & Pictures
  2.  Week: School Room or Space(s)
  3.  Week: A Word from the Kids
  4.  Week: A Day in the Life

Until then, I hope your last few weeks of summer are enjoyable!

Warmly,
~h

 

 


13 Reasons Controversy

It’s been a while since I’ve come across something in the homeschool world that makes me sit up and take notice, but this is one of those things that compelled me to write about it. There’s a new series on Netflix that you may have seen. It’s called 13 Reasons Why, and it’s based on a YA novel of the same name by Jay Asher. It’s about a high school girl who commits suicide, but leaves behind a series of audiotapes intended to be passed around to the people she holds responsible for her death.

**general spoiler warning** If you haven’t read the book or watched the series and don’t want details, you should probably stop reading this post until after you’re read/watched it. 

Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

Apparently, there are a lot of feelings about this series; A LOT of feelings. From the outset, I’ll say unequivocally that material that sparks discussion about mental health, depression, bullying and other issues that teens (and young adults) face has a place in the public eye, period. Even more-so if it engages teens, who tend to be most at-risk for suicide. Whether you agree, disagree, like it, hate it – whatever: discussion about topics that we, as a culture, tend to file under ‘taboo conversational topics: Do Not Engage!’ is a good thing. It’s a necessary thing. And it’s about damn time.

Full disclosure, I’ve watched the series; I have not read the book. My children (13.5 and 15 at the time of this writing) have neither read the book or watched the series*, but both said that they ‘might’. I’ve told them that it’s fine if they do; to let me know if/when they do so we can talk about it. I also gave them a synopsis of what it’s about, gave a warning about graphic rape scenes and drug/alcohol use, and mentioned that there are things that Hannah (the main character) says, thinks and does as a result of disenfranchisement/bullying/potentially undiagnosed and untreated depression that aren’t ‘reality’; and that we need to talk about it during and after they watch it. We don’t generally censor what our kids watch; I’d rather know what they’re watching so we can decide if we need to intervene or talk about it than have them sneak around watching things behind our back. We’ve set standards for them that have gotten more permissive as they’ve gotten older; I don’t think we let them consume anything that isn’t age-appropriate. You may disagree, which is why if my kids come to your house, they’d have to follow your rules (or the lead set by your kids, which may be very different from your ‘rules’… but I digress). And before you lose your mind over that, we a) have developed trust with our kids based on communication and experience and will continue to base our decisions and permissions on that trust; and b) can still monitor when we feel the need to, because parental controls and history/system checks on media are a thing that exists and we reserve the right to record and check as needed. Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

In any case, my point is that we talk about mental health issues fairly often in our house. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (major depressive disorder) in 2006, and with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2011. I take medications, supplements, use tools like apps, meditation practice, journaling and a focus on self-care as part of my management plan. They’ve seen me manage my own mental health issues and heard me talking about it with others a lot. Along with some of the other moms in our homeschool group, I went to a teen mental health first aid course and got certified as a ‘teen mental heath first aid practitioner’, and our teens are participating in a semester-long mental health course through our homeschool co-op, using curricula and resources from TeenMentalHealth.org and other similar sources. I say all of that to tell you this very scary fact: seeing and knowing and doing all that doesn’t make my kids suicide-proof. That’s hard to read; it’s hard to admit. But it’s the truth. I’ll come back to this in a bit.

The reason I started writing this post is because, like many homeschooling parents, I’m in quite a few internet support groups that focus on homeschooling. It’s generally helpful, and sometimes I learn new things there, or find tidbits of new information that I want to use in our school career. other times, I come across things like this:

 

Okay, fine. You don’t want to watch it, then fine. But let me tell you this: if your kids want to watch it, and their peers are watching it, then even if you think it’s ‘poison’, then you should damn well be watching it, too. If for no other reason than because you should be informed of what’s going on in and around your child’s world. Changes are, if your kids’ peers are recommending it, then your child is going to figure out how to watch it, with or without your approval.

And hear this: if your opinion is so strongly negatively stated, do you think that your kid is going to come to you to talk about what they saw if they watched it without your permission (or in spite of being explicitly told not to watch it)? Nope. So your precious snowflake is going to be left alone to figure it out, or have only the influence of his or her peers to guide how they process the show. Not only that, but as a parent, you’ll miss out on being able to clarify the points that need to be made throughout the series about how Hannah could have made different choices, or how her friends could have, or what your child’s options are in different scenarios.

And then there’s this, which makes my eyes want to roll right out of my head.

ARE YOU FRIKKIN’ KIDDING ME?? Also, it’s extremely bad form to tell a parent who literally has experience with this situation that it’s not reality when it is very much their reality. I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to have your child survive a suicide attempt. I can imagine it would be harrowing, and that you’d be on red-alert all the time. To have your child attempt it again? I can’t even imagine that kind of pain and stress and anger and hopelessness.

To their credit, the moderators of that group very quickly deleted that comment thread. The post itself is still up, with decent discussion both for and against allowing/encouraging/discouraging (and some outright forbidding) students to watch, and decent discussion about whether the series addresses teen suicide and bullying appropriately or not. The discussion was relatively civil and productive, with good points on all sides.

From the message thread, the article lists these reasons why ‘not’ to watch (edited for clarity):

  1. This show was overly graphic. …  These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.

  2. The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself.

  3. The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.

  4. They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. ….  the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die?

So, obvious warnings are obvious; Netflix rates the show as TV-MA, and included content warnings on the episodes that have the most graphic content. The author of that post’s child is in 6th grade… so, not 17… but she may be mature enough to handle watching the series with her mother nearby; that’s a decision that each parent needs to make. I don’t necessarily disagree with the author’s assertions in the context of her particular child. But to give all parents a ruler by which to measure their own children is ridiculous.

But to take this one point at a time… first, I don’t think it was overly graphic for the audience intended. As mentioned previously, the rating is TV-MA. It’s more subject matter than content that garners the warning. There’s no nudity; they do a damn fine job of conveying the horror of one girl (Jessica) being raped while under the influence of alcohol, and of (Hannah) witnessing it but being unable to say or do anything to prevent it due to her own trauma without being, in my opinion, overly graphic. They didn’t rush through it; they didn’t gloss over it; they didn’t give you an out as a witness to what was happening, either visually or audibly. You, as the viewer, endured it with them. Not only that, but you were flashed back to it at different points – just moments or glimpses – but the trauma is revisited over and over again, unpredictably…. just like in real life. That, to me, is one of the biggest arguments FOR watching it – exactly because of how well-done this particular aspect of it was. Not only that, but in the production commentary (the last episode of the series), they specifically talk about how Hannah never said the words ‘no’, or ‘stop’ or anything, really, when she was raped. It was clear that she did not want to have sex, but she never said no. That makes a conversation about ‘victim blaming’ necessary. Talking about it is one thing. Seeing how it happens is another. Was it rape if she didn’t say no? After seeing it, it’s painfully obvious that she was, in fact, raped. In some religions, because she didn’t scream, or say no, she is considered guilty of fornication. That scene puts an entirely different face on that circumstance, and is fucking *necessary* if you’re a young woman growing up in a religion that teaches that.

Secondly, you don’t need to give kids a ‘how to’ guide to commit suicide. If it’s on their minds, then they’ve already thought of it or imagined it or planned how they’d do it. I was about 12 the first time I ever thought about killing myself, and by 14 I had a concrete plan. I was raised in a pretty strict household as far as what we were allowed to watch – nothing rated R, no horror movies, nothing overly sexual or violent. I never needed anyone else to tell me what to do. I never got as far as an actual attempt, but  I didn’t need to be ‘influenced’ by outside sources. All those thoughts and ideas came from right inside my own head. Showing it isn’t going to ‘give them ideas’ or convince them to ‘give it a try’. That’s a huge myth, and yet it persists because people – parents – don’t ever want to face the reality that kids have very real pressures in their life and may lack the tools to deal effectively with them. A further truth is that some teens have mental health issues that are undiagnosed.

Today’s kids, younger and younger every year, are under an enormous amount of pressure. Their brains do not work the same way that adult brains do; they process information and experiences differently than we do, and they lack both life experience and time to understand that what they feel today isn’t going to last forever. As an adult with depression, I can tell you that in the depths of a depressive episode, even with life experience and the clear understanding that those dark feelings don’t last forever, sometimes forget it. That’s why depression is an illness – because it messes with your brain. Not talking about suicide because you ‘don’t want to put ideas in their head’ is stupid and reckless. By the time I was 18, one classmate and 1 friend had committed suicide, with several others hospitalized after suicide attempts…. and this was back in the 90’s.  Now, there are things like cutting and other forms of self-harm. It’s a real thing. Real kids do it. Your kids might do it. My kid might do it. We might not necessarily know about it. Again – there’s that scary place to think about – that our child might be in pain and in harm’s way. But avoiding it doesn’t make it go away; it makes it more dangerous.

Here’s something it’s important to understand about suicide: people don’t do it because they’re healthy and thinking clearly. People who commit suicide see death as the only way out. Out of suffering, of being a disappointment or a burden on others (friends and family), out of the confinement of struggling every day just to live. I also think it’s important to understand that unless you also struggle with depression or anxiety or another mental illness, you can’t know what it’s like to reach that point; to get to the point that thinking or feeling like ending your life is the only way to be free. This is probably one of the best images I’ve ever seen that illustrates that feeling – everything is so awful that death looks peaceful in comparison. But, because of the stigma that depression and mental illness carries, it’s incredibly hard to talk about. That’s okay; talk about that, too. Tell your kids that you’re scared for them. They need to know that.

The third point is an idiotic one, imo. You begin the series knowing that the girl killed herself; but one can hardly tell the story without flashbacks. As the viewer, you get multiple insights to the story – Hannah’s perception as she tells it on the tapes; the recollections of her friends and classmates; and a ‘narrator’ view, which features Hannah in a somewhat less than ‘perfect’ view. I disagree that Hanna’s suicide was built up to in order to sensationalize it; I think the flashbacks gave a fairly well-laid out progression of the deterioration of Hannah’s mental state and circumstances that led to her making the decision to kill herself. Starting off with the suicide scene, or downplaying it wouldn’t make sense. I think showing it the way that they did was appropriate; it was graphic and horrific and terrifying and lonely and sad – everything that suicide is. This feeds into the next point – they didn’t glamorize her; quite the opposite. I saw a bunch of people who gave lip service to mourning a girl they barely paid attention to when she was alive. That’s not glamorization; that’s tragedy. Her life didn’t have meaning after she died; her life ended. That’s what death means – you’re dead. No more life to live; no more chapters to your story.

Here’s what I saw, first and foremost: I saw a lot of kids with a LOT of problems, and mostly absent or distracted parents. I saw a lack of communication; a lack of courage (courage to speak up when you see something that you know is wrong, to defend someone else, to start a conversation, to say the thing you want to say, to have a voice at all); a lack of trust and confidence in the adults in the kids’ lives. I saw obvious warning signs (drinking, drug use, heavily tattooed under-aged teens – you don’t get those from hanging out with fine upstanding citizens… because it’s illegal) that no adult acted on. There are SO MANY things to talk with your kids about… for me to talk with my kids about.

I think Hannah is responsible for her own death. She kept things to herself when she could have talked – at any point – to the people around her. If not peers, then adults. She felt like she didn’t have options, and that’s where the adults in her life failed her. But it wasn’t a one-time thing; it was systematic. It was something that went on and on for a long period of time. Her parents were distracted by real problems, but they were distracted nonetheless. Her friends also had real problems, but each person in Hannah’s life that she sent the tapes to also had options. Not necessarily a responsibility towards Hannah, but options for how they handled their own situations that led them to whatever thing they said or did that Hannah ended up blaming them for. Hannah did a terrible thing… several, actually. Playing the ‘blame game’ helps no one; absolves no one; is fair to no one. Suicide is a tragedy, but ultimately, the person who ended their own life is the one responsible for that decision. There’s a discussion on ‘suicide revenge’ that should probably happen as well. This isn’t a new concept; Marilyn Manson’s Coma Black has the line ‘I kill myself to make everybody pay‘. Hannah left tapes to explain/punish those she held responsible, and ultimately let herself off the hook for her decision in both deed and via the tapes. That was a shitty thing to do.

As a parent: TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Tell them that you have issues; that you don’t understand them or their culture, but that you are trying. Let them teach you. Don’t play the disinterested parent-role; don’t let them think that you have all your shit worked out. If you haven’t learned shit-management techniques in your 30+ years on the planet, then you probably didn’t pass any down to your kids, so they’re likely in need of those tools anyway. Let them know that life doesn’t just magically work itself out when you turn 20 or 30 or 40. It’s still a struggle, BUT you learn coping mechanisms on the way that can make it easier. Be an example – take charge of your own issues. If your issues are affecting you kids, then for fuck’s sake, get help, and include them in the process. The other half of this is LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS. Trust them when they tell you that their life is horrible (instead of giving in to the righteous anger that we love to fall back on and list all their privileges and blessings so they’ll see how entitled they’re acting and shape up). Getting angry at them for being ‘ungrateful’ instead of listening to what they’re telling you can lead to a teenager who doesn’t feel like you’re a source of support. Trust that they’re using the best vocabulary that they can, and help them find better words to express what they’re feeling. Ask questions and LISTEN to the answers without giving in to the temptation to be all judgmental or looking for ways to punish them to opening up to you. You can’t have open, honest communication with a teenager and then censor how they talk, or try to shape their expression into your worldview. Listen to see where they are at and meet them there. Then cover new ground together. It’s okay to be lost, or not know what to say. Tell them that; they need to know that we don’t have everything all figured out either, and that it’s okay to learn new things (like how to handle intrusive or overwhelming negative thoughts). It’s also okay to seek outside, professional help. In fact, that’s something your kids should already have – access to suicide hotlines and a network of adults that they can trust to talk to.

In closing, I think people tend to forget that TV and book characters aren’t ‘real’ people; they’re amalgams of multiple people, or archetypes that real people don’t fit into exactly. Real people are so multi-faceted and multi-layered that no book or TV character could ever get it just right. No real person is as one-dimensional as a character; and no situations are quite as simply laid out as real life scenarios are. This book and series, and others like it, create discussion opportunities for parents to guide their teens., and I believe that’s what the series is intended to do. Whether you allow your child to watch it or not, there are some real-world things that today’s kids face. There are real-world situations brought up in that series that I believe it is entirely worthwhile to talk about with your kids. Whether you choose to use the series as a conversation starter, or some other method is up to you – but have the conversations with your kids. Please.

Warmly,
~h

* When I started this post, they had not. After I asked, I guess that brought it to their attention, and LBB (15) decided to watch it. At the time of this post being published, he’s about halfway through the series, and we’ve had multiple discussions about it – big ones, little ones, talks at the dinner table, talks in the car… sometimes just a comment here or there, sometimes more drawn out.