Homeschooling: It's not what we do, it's how we live.

Posts tagged “raising responsible adults

Corona-Quarantine and Graduation 2020

So… we’re still alive. I know it’s been a hot minute, but I have not been particularly motivated to write much lately – well, it’s been a while since I’ve felt ‘bloggish’, anyway. I have been writing – journals, a novel, other projects on pen and paper – but not so much blogging. Since I only started this blog as a sort-of-but-not-quite-scrapbook, and my kids are now halfway done with school – HALFWAY!! BECAUSE I HAVE A GRADUATE NOW!!! – Sorry – I was trying to hold that in, but I just had to say it – my kiddo graduated! I have so many feels about it, too. But more on that later…

Where to begin, where to begin… There’s been a lot going on, but at the same time, strangely not much? It’s been such a weird year, truly. I honestly thought that Hurricane Harvey was ‘the big thing’ for us, and that once we cleared everything stemming from that, life would resume as pretty much normal. That was super-califragi-optimistic, apparently.

But before I get too far ahead of myself, late’s back up. If you’ve read here before, then you’ll be familiar with the format I use when I catch up, which is pretty much to go back to the last time I posted and pick up from there. Just pretend that there are wavy-lines and flashback noises ‘Wayne’s World’ style here as we go back in time to when I last posted…

The date: September 2019 (I would Star Date it for you, but I don’t know the math… moving on)

At this exact moment, I have no clue what we were doing in September of last year. I’m going to have to go back and pull pictures and events, but I am pretty sure we got off to a solid start, school-wise. We did have our traditional ‘Not Back to School’ Party with our homeschool group, which signals the beginning of our school year with our local homeschool group. In ten years of homeschooling, we’ve only canceled it once, I think? I don’t remember now – I just know this was a ‘thing’ for our group that we didn’t miss. It was a promising start, with a nicely rounded group of kids from pretty much all 3 school levels (elementary/middle/high). Our group ran a middle school co-op and in the spring semester we had a literature-based high school co-op this year. Both kinda got derailed due to the pandemic, but I have kind of always used that as a scale for the group thriving, and it made me happy to see that we had such an active group this year.

I know we had some weekly events, and I took pics of the boys doing school-ish things here and there, but I can’t remember details. One of the major accomplishments we did this year was to finally get through driver’s ed. Before Harvey, I’d started LBB in driver’s ed, but then with the hurricane, that got pushed to the back burner. Once we got the house done and things settled (which took such a very long time), it had been so long since LBB had worked on it, and was also time to put PeaGreen in, so to make a long story short, they both started driver’s ed and finished the first part so they could get their driving learner’s permit around October-ish.

 

I know we had had a teen social with our homeschool group at some point through here, and also Halloween, which LBB declined to participate in this year. PeaGreen was a pretty good sport about it though, and went on an epic quest to acquire a KFC bucket to become Buckethead (it wasn’t that epic of a quest; he just went into a KFC and asked the dude behind the counter for one for his costume, but that’s not very exciting, so we say it the other way). We went to a friend’s house to hang out and the kids all went T’o’Ting. I remember hearing about teens going trick-or-treating when I was younger and how people were annoyed about it. I’m glad that seems to have dissipated in our area these days. Of all the shenanigans teens could be into, dressing up and asking for candy from their neighborhood seems pretty benign to me.

NASA/Johnson Space Center/Space Center Houston (I never know exactly what to call it; it seems like the name is always changing, and/or it’s been all one one of those at different times over the years) always hosts their homeschool day in the beginning of October. It’s changed quite a bit over the years; less ‘organized fun’ and more ‘peruse at your own pace’ these days, but that has worked out as the kids have gotten older and been more inclined to want to roam around with their friends than do classes. This was probably our last time to do this, so I wanted to enjoy the experience, and I think we did.

Our homeschool group also participated in the ShangriLa Botanical Gardens’ annual Scarecrow Festival this school year. Entries start sometime in late Sept/early Oct. The kids originally came up with a trio of witch-scarecrows, but I think we only ended up putting two of them up. They won one of the categories, but I don’t remember now which one, and I can’t find the posts for it without more in-depth research than I am willing to put into it right now…

I love that pic of PeaGreen and his friend-o. When my boys were little, they would play ‘Brick Factory’, which is a fancy way of saying ‘they like to smash up bricks by hitting them with hammers as hard as they can’. This was a total throwback to when that was a pretty regular thing and it made me smile.

Around November-ish, we went to Galveston for a Teen Social; lunch and running around on the strand, taking in some street art and beach-combing until after dark. It was a really fun day!

The Children

December is always busy with birthdays and holidays – this was the first year in a few that we were able to put up a real tree and have it ‘feel’ Christmas-y. It was a relief, and a joy, and a lot of other gross feelings. LBB’s birthday is in December; he turned 18 this year! He’s a real-live grown up person now, which came with its own paperwork challenges (like the DMV, registering to vote and all that jazz). He had a couple of friends over to celebrate and we had dinner and hung out for a bit. He’s not really into parties, so the low-key, no-pressure type celebration was perfect.

I’m getting some of this out of order; I didn’t do a very good job of record-keeping over the fall. I have quite a few pictures of events and the kids doing school work; we even started a literature-based co-op (that was eventually interrupted by coronavirus-quarantine), but I don’t really have dates on anything. PeaGreen started working around November-ish – his first job, which he was very excited about. Now that it’s June, he’s so much less-enthused about it, but is still at it, so I guess money > ‘work sucks’? He’s almost 17, so I guess that’s a good lesson to learn now, lol.

This post is already so long, and it would take forever to itemize all these pictures so I am just adding a gallery of assorted pics from the last few months.

LBB & PeaGreen – Fall 2019

Like most people, we went into almost total seclusion for a while to hopefully avoid contracting COVID-19/CoronaVirus – whatever it’s called these days. ‘The ‘Rona’, as it’s affectionately called most of the time (complete with accent) hasn’t really touched us much so far; something that I am profoundly grateful for. We were pretty well fully quarantined for around 9 weeks (mid-March through the middle of May), except for work and grocery-store runs. A couple of friends have been exposed, and one’s husband was hospitalized, but all have either not progressed into illness, didn’t spread to their families, or have made a decent recovery so far (something else I am grateful for). It’s such a strange time to live in, and I am sure there are people documenting this time for posterity, which will be interesting to read about in 20 or 30 years. In so many ways, we have been among the lucky few to have been relatively unaffected by the pandemic (so far, knock on wood). Aside from remaining mostly well-away from the effects of illness, we’ve also been fortunate to have seen few effects financially as well. Loverly Husband is an essential worker, and PeaGreen works in food service, (so also ‘essential’, I guess??), and we’ve mostly been avoiding people/the public up until the last couple of weeks when we’ve started venturing out on occasion.

We did ‘break’ quarantine to see my sister, because both LBB and my niece (affectionately called ‘Fred’ over the years here on my blog) both graduated this May. Fred was valedictorian of her school, and graduated with her associate’s degree, and was accepted to her top choice college – we’re so very proud of her accomplishments! We met up with them to take graduation pictures – something we’d planned on doing since they were in Kindergarten together.

So, much of what we’d had planned for the spring and summer has been either cancelled, rescheduled or postponed indefinitely. It’s been hard on the kids who are used to socializing in person quite a bit, but it has also forced them (and me) to find new ways to socialize, or re-prioritize that time by finding something new to do instead. Like catch up on reading, or re-watch Avatar: The Last Air Bender, or learn a new language… anything to pass the time, right?

We did host a mostly-family, small graduation party for these two (though I somehow only managed to get a single picture from it).

 

Fred & LBB – Kindergarten graduation – 2008

LBB & Fred – High School graduation – Class of 2020

We usually have 2 proms to go to; one through one of our local homeschooling groups, and one through a local independent organization that just hosts a homeschool prom. Both were originally scheduled for April/May, but were rescheduled due to coronavirus. Eventually, the homeschool group one got canceled altogether, but we were holding out hope that the other would go on as planned. Of course, Texas has been in the news recently for its total incompetence in dealing with pandemic protocols – essentially our government began pretending like there wasn’t a pandemic WAY too early in the game and ‘led the way’ (there really should be a sarcasm font) by opening Texas to commerce again. Though they ‘recommended’ wearing masks and maintaining social distance, within two weeks of that, VERY few people did; it was pretty much business as usual within a really short time. Now, of course, we’re having an ‘unexpected’ (again with the sarcasm) resurgence of coronavirus cases, and our county is under a mask order as of last week (June 24). <shock, shock!!> So, what that means for the prom that was supposed to happen on June 27th was also cancelled. Last minute, but totally not their fault. Kids are disappointed though. We ended up taking the kids to Galveston for a photo shoot in their prom finery.

 

 

So, with that, I think that’s pretty well caught-up. It occurs to me pretty regularly these days that this will be my last year homeschooling. One kiddo done and one to go!

Until next time, cheers!

 


January 2019 Update

So way back in September, I’d planned on doing a big ‘One year after Harvey’ post. I started it, then life happened and it sat in my drafts folder until now. Well, technically, it’s still there; this is an entirely new post. I say ‘life happened’, but that’s not entirely true; lots of things happened, and I honestly just wasn’t feeling up to writing about and sharing details of the extreme stress going on in my life at the time. Additionally, though we had technically started back to school in the Spring semester last year, it wasn’t until the fall, when I enrolled the kids in an online school, that we really settled into a good, daily, school routine. Though we have been back in our house since October of 2017, we are still mid-construction. Having such a disrupted environment is extremely difficult, and we’re muddling through as best we can.

 

My previous update was nearly a year ago, after PG’s 15th birthday and Camp NaNoWriMo. I’m happy to report that July 2018 was my first NoNoWriMo event win; the minimum word count for Camp is 10K, and I wrote my story at 25K and some change. The actual story I wrote is still not complete; it’s an autobiographical story, and was as much therapy writing as challenge. It may never see the light of day, but it was still the most writing that I’d put into any single project. I went on to participate in the actual 50K NaNoWriMo in November of 2018, and won! I am continuing to write that story, with plans to complete it ready for editing in April.

 

 

House-wise, we’re almost done with our kitchen. We gutted it in October and completed electrical, insulation and sheetrock work on all the walls and ceiling in December. Our new cabinets are in, and we’re planning to start installation within the next week or so. Loverly Husband’s work schedule dictates a lot of our home-repair schedule.

kitchen – gutted

kitchen – with new electrical, ceiling, lighting, and sheetrock

In August, I decided to put the kids in an online school. Without storage space and work space, trying to teach myself became more of a challenge than I was up for. Having a third-party doing the bulk of the teaching let me step in where I was needed instead of having to be on-call 100% of the time. As the boys were entering their sophomore and Junior years, it also gave the kids more of a sense of ownership of their education, because they were able to choose some of their classes. PG took an interest in Business Management and Economics, while LBB chose Electrical Technology I as his elective.

In addition to their classes at home, we’ve maintained an active presence in our local homeschool group, of which we have been a part since 2004. There is also a new, inclusive, opt-in homeschooling group that we’ve jumped into with both feet as well. Having two groups to socialize and learn with has been fun, and kept us very busy.

With Triangle Homeschoolers:

 

Not Back to School FroYo Party – August 2018

Teen Social Brunch at IHOP (during the IHOB scandal)

Stark Art Museum – Orange, TX

Start Art Museum Art Class – Orange TX

LBB – Start Art Museum Class

Beaumont Police Museum Tour

Triangle Homeschoolers Christmas Party 2018

With LIFE:

Teen Council – Leadership
PG ran for and was elected TC President for the Fall semester, and recently re-elected for the Spring semester as well. LBB was elected as one of the Communications officers for the fall semester, but opted out for the Spring.

LIFE Teen Council – Fall Semester 2018

The Teen Council organized and hosted a Fall ‘Welcome back to school’ dance for the entire group. The kids had a really great time, and made a lot of new friends.

The fall semester also saw the creation of several teen-oriented classes, including Life Skills with a focus on career planning, and a Speech class to familiarize the students with public speaking. The Life Skills class was great. It was taught by a couple, which is so rare, and was a nice change of pace. At the end of the run of classes, they asked the kids to dress as if they were going to a job interview, and to bring their resume. Afterwards, they gave the students some constructive feedback. The Public Speaking course was also taught by a homeschooling dad, and they’ll be offering their final speeches in a couple of weeks.

One of the things I love about being part of an open, larger group is the availability to organize more rigorous classes. LIFE was able to introduce a beginning American Sign Language course, and so we’re all taking it. The kids often break into little practice groups during class.

The Teen Council also hosted a Winter Semi-Formal (that turned into a casual dance).

 

Other things we did during the fall 2018 Semester:

Fantastic Beasts – The Crimes of Grindlewald

sneak photography while the kids visit with a long-lost friend

the traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall when it came to Kountze, TX

Halloween 2018 – PG is a Ginger Bread Man, and LBB is SansUndertale

Labyrinth at Flashback Theater in Baytown

In general life terms, we’ve had an eventful fall. PeaGreen bought himself a guitar and has been working on teaching himself to play. He’s learning by ear, and has gotten some chords down and is beginning to play recognizable tunes.

PG’s new guitar – fall2018

Our holidays were pretty low-key. Thanksgiving was full of tasty food and a littler of puppies. The kids spent most of the day outside underneath 7 mixed-breed pups that were absolutely adorable.

Christmas was much the same, only with a few less pups (who’ve since moved off to homes of their own).

With so many changes over the past couple of years, we decided that it would be a good idea to start the kids in therapy. They’ve been going since September, and we feel like it’s helping.

at therapy in the waiting room

Lunch with LBB and Loverly Husband – Sept 2018

Nov 2018

Dec 2018

Dec 2018

Dec 2018

And last, but not least, this little gem popped up in my Facebook memories a few months ago, so I snagged a picture of the boys that day to compare. What a difference six years makes!

top: 2012; bottom 2018

 

I can’t promise that I’ll be updating with regularity, but I’ll get around to it eventually.
Warmly,
~h


10 Months Post Harvey: Early Summer 2018

Well, spring has well and truly faded into summer. Even though the official start of Summer isn’t until July, in Texas, we all know that summer actually starts in late May. At a certain point, everything gets all melty, and that’s how you know that it’s actual summer, and that there will be no relief for the unbearable heat anytime within the next several months. When you live in Texas, you just have to learn to accept this as fact and move on. It means no more hikes; no more outside anything, really, unless you count the walk between the air conditioned ‘indoors’ to the air conditioned car or any time spent at the pool.

When last I posted, we found our intrepid heroes wrapping up homeschool co-op for the year, going to prom, and (as seems to be, forever) working on repairing our house post-Hurricane Harvey. That was back in April, so I have a couple of months to cover before you’re back up to speed, dear reader.

As ever, we’ve been busy, though not really with a lot of schoolwork of late. We took some time off because I was out of town, and there were a couple of weeks when Loverly Husband was also off work, so house-work became to priority. Although it doesn’t look it, we’ve gotten quite a lot accomplished; most of it is just behind the scenes. We’re about to start on the kitchen, completion of which will put us on the downhill slope towards being totally repaired. All that will be left post-kitchen is the master bedroom, bath and the office. Then we’ll tackle some outside projects, but that’s so not the focus right now. We did remove a wall; our house was built in the 1960’s, when open floor plans weren’t a thing. Our living room was an odd rectangle, but with a door on every wall, making furniture placement frustrating and entertaining impossible. We took the wall between the living room and kitchen out, making the whole center of the house one big room. I’m excited to see it finished. We have finished with texturing and painting, but still have the ceiling fan and vent covers to put back on, and trim work. We’re planning to do the living room and kitchen trim all at once. In any case, it’s definitely coming along.

School-wise, I found that trying to pretend like things were ‘normal’ when we really still aren’t solidly living a normal life in our house was not working. Despite trying to keep up and on a regular schedule, it was really hard to keep the kids on task and myself organized to help them. I have long been an advocate of ‘trying something new’ when whatever you’re currently doing isn’t working out, so I decided to enroll the boys in an online school. We’re using Acellus for the time being. I don’t know if this is permanent yet or not, but it’s going well for now, and lends a little more freedom to me and organization to them, plus they both have said that they like it (for now) and I am very grateful for that. Because our school year for 2017-2018 was so very interrupted, our schedule has been sketchy. In the Spring, we took a few weeks off to accommodate travel, illness, Loverly Husband’s vacation time and other productivity issues, but have been solidly in-session for the last couple of weeks now, and I feel like they’re making good progress.

That said, let’s recap! My last post was in April, so picking up where I left off…
Our homeschool group hosted an outdoor survival class at a local park. One of our families has an older daughter who lives in CA and works as a ranger-type for Girl Scouts or CampFire, I don’t remember which. She’s all about teaching though, and volunteered to take our students for a hike with an outdoor lesson. We had a great turnout, and the kids enjoyed having someone closer to their own age doing the teaching.

Afterwards, we spent some time with family. Spring is crawfish season in the South, and we’re nothing if not slaves to tradition. Unfortunately, my sister and I are allergic to shellfish, including crawfish, so our crawfish boils look a bit different than most people’s. The potatoes and corn and Zummo’s all go into the seasoned water first, then into a cooler once cooked, then the mudbugs go in all alone. My kids are, however, not allergic, and ate their fill. As per the usual, any time we get the kids together, we try to make them all stand still for 5 seconds to get a photo of them. This time, we even got my dad in the mix.

 

 

 

We’ve also logged a couple of teen socials with our homeschool group… the kids are a little older now, so I don’t always get pictures of them, but I do usually get a shot with our little mom’s group. We’ve hit the pool, a couple of local coffee shops with regularity, and our local froyo bar, OrangeLeaf, is another popular spot. We also hit up a burger joint for lunch one day instead of just coffee. They have an area that could generously be called an ‘arcade’, where many shenanigans were enjoyed.

 

We visited the Houston Health Museum in May, complete with Lab time for the kids. We’ve done this before, and it’s always fun. This time, the main exhibit was a series of kinetic sound machines/experiments/tech called BioRhythm… really interesting stuff. There was also a really weird film that was a trio of really bizarre looking people who had musical instruments borg-ed into their flesh. There were 3 separate videos that started off individually but eventually synced to make a ‘band’ of sorts… or st least a cohesive rhythmic noise. It was weird, but probably the thing that’s stuck with me the longest. True art, I’d say… something that someone creates that you just can’t forget about, and really creepy, which I totally dig. It was called BioMen, and was created by Chaja Hertog from the Netherlands. I think the videos are even on YouTube now.

It’s not been all work and no play; Loverly Husband and I slipped away to Houston with some friends for a weekend away. We went to the Death By Natural Causes exhibit at the Houston Museum of Natural Science without the kids, and had dinner at an amazing steakhouse called Fogo de Chao, then stayed at a downtown Houston hotel for the evening. It was a lovely little mini-break!

 

In other news, our homeschool group organized a Marshmallow gun challenge using PVC pipes. We set up an obstacle course for them, then sent them off to play battle games while we watched. It’s gotten so hot out that I’m amazed they had as much energy as they did.

A couple of our lovely homeschool friends contributed to a local art show, which we absolutely couldn’t miss. The theme was floral related, and the art work was amazing. There’s a tendency to say that our town is ‘boring’, but there is so much to do and see, especially within the art community lately, if you just look for it. It’s always been that way, but more so in the last few years. The city launched a beautification project recently that invites local artists to paint traffic control boxes around town. I have several friends who’ve painted boxes, and a couple more in the works. The city has also opened up some park benches to get the same treatment, and we’re talking about having our homeschool group do one as a group project.

Our Mom’s Night out events are always fun; we’ve been joining a local mothering group for their Hoops & Wine nights lately. It’s been a lot of fun, with a little bonus exercise tossed in for good measure as well. It’s really nice to get to chat with some of the moms in our homeschool group without kids; we have a pretty diverse group of moms in our group, and I always really enjoy spending time with them in a grown-up environment.

For my BFF’s birthday, she wanted to take a road trip, so we did! It was really spur of the moment, and such a great time. I’m not usually a spontaneous person, but I’ve been giving being more laid back a try, and it was really relaxing. We drove through Texas to Colorado, and stayed in Air B’nBs, so we spent 3 nights and 4 days really inexpensively. Last time we made this drive, it was nighttime, and we missed a lot of the scenery across west Texas. This time, it was still light, and we passed Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo. I have seen this online before, but thought it was in Arizona or something; I had no idea it was in Texas! We stopped and got pictures. It was wet and muddy, and there was a ton of trash, but it was still pretty cool.

 

PeaGreen shares his birthday day with his BFF, TabasocBoi, so they had a joint pool party to celebrate. PeaGreen is officially 15 now, and TB is 16. They donned Birthday Dictator hats for the duration, and bossed everyone around. They seem to have enjoyed themselves, but this demonstration reminds me that it’s maybe a good thing that my kid doesn’t have any real power (because he might be a terrible person {wink}).

Somewhere in February, back when RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 was still on, my friend Michelle found out that Trixie Mattel was going to be coming to Houston, and tickets were pretty cheap, so we snagged a quad pack. Fast forward to the end of June, and Trixie had won All Stars 3, and was still coming to Houston, but now with a crown. We took a weekend trip, and had a great time, complete with breakfast crepes al fresco at CoCo’s in Midtown.

4th of July has always been a ton of fun for us, since PeaGreen’s birthday is the 5th. Since we’re still not finished with our house, we spent the evening with friends. Once it got dark, the kids took to the streets with Roman Candles and Harry Potter spells, or at least we tried to convince them to use HP spells… they were less enthusiastic about it, but did a couple just to make the moms happy (and we love them for that).

Loverly Husband was on call the week of PG’s actual birthday (and we like to make the celebration last…), so we took PG out for a birthday Dinner at a local Italian eatery. PG is all into pasta these days… making, cooking and eating, and requested that we each get a different pasta dish and share. LBB opted out, but we still ended up with 3 different pasta dishes and more than enough food to bring home.

‘ice cream for breakfast while we have the car serviced’ selfies.

This past weekend, we finally broke ground on the kitchen; we are moving our refrigerator to a recessed closet off to the side so that we have access to our back door again. Our kitchen was TINY, and when we bought our kitchen table set a few years ago, we realized too late that the table was a bit bigger than we’d thought. The configuration of the kitchen meant that the only place to put the refrigerator was in front of the back door, so we blocked it off and the fridge has been there ever since. When we took the wall out between the living room and kitchen post-Harvey, it opened up more possibilities, so we’re taking advantage of that now (and I’ll have a back porch accessible through the kitchen again – yay!). We have the closet framed and sheetrocked; next up is to built in the cabinet overhead, then we can start on pulling the ceiling tiles so we can insulate and do the new lighting, then sheetrock. It’s just the beginning stages of a massive project – probably THE main project since we’ve been doing recovery work, but we’re finally on it and I am so glad!

 

We also saw our friends perform in their summer workshop play with Orange Community Players in Heroes & Villains Too! The Quest for Shmeep.

In other news, July is Camp NaNoWrimo, and I am at 15.8K of 25K words, so I am pleased with myself. I’ve never been this close to hitting a target word-count within the time frame, so I am feeling confident that I will win (for the first time!). If you’re a writer-type, Camp (10K word count) is a good way to get your feet wet in prep for November, which is the big project: 50K words. I have no idea what I am going to write about in November, but I hope it works out as well as this month is going.

That’s pretty much everything for the last couple of months! Just trying to keep up so that I don’t fall completely off the face of the earth between posts.

How’s things with you?
Warmly,
~h


8 Months Post Harvey: Spring

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been trying to write something at least once a month, but that didn’t happen in February (or March…or most of April). February is almost a week shorter than the rest of the months, which was my excuse for not posting then. I got nuthin’ for March, and it’s still technically April, so….  I have also been lax about posting because I haven’t been as enthusiastic about writing. Things are pretty much the same as they’ve been for the past few months: working on the house; having school in a construction zone; getting out of the house to go to co-op, music lessons, field trips – whatever – as much as possible… the usual. We’re in a weird sort of limbo with our space being… I don’t even know the words to use. It’s not exactly ‘in transition’; that implies a cute little DIY project that we chose to embark on. This was a completely different sort of thing; one that was forced on us that we’ve been in ‘reaction’ mode to ever since. We’re coming up on eight months post-hurricane Harvey, and though we have definitely made some progress, we’re far from being done, and the daily wear-and-tear on the soul gets overwhelming.

Since I last updated, we actually have made quite a bit of progress on the house. We’re a little over 1/3 finished with repairs, which feels good to say. We have some trim to finish in the hallway, but both of the kids’ rooms are done, and the hall bath is finished except for decor. We briefly had two functioning bathrooms again, but the toilet in our master went wonky right after we finished that hallway bath, so we’re back down to one for our family (which isn’t dire, but is annoying). I have learned that I deeply enjoy not sharing with the kids and am eager to have my own bathroom back again soon (hopefully).

The kids both have desks in their room, which means computers and schoolwork now have a permanent place to live. They’ve also been able to pull most of their personal things from storage. There wasn’t a lot left that was salvageable, but they’re super glad to have back what they do. I can’t say enough about how much of a relief it is to finally have their spaces done, at least. We also had AC people come in and install central air conditioning and heating. That’s a super-nice thing that we have been planning to do for a while; with the forced remodel, since we’re taking out the ceilings in most of the house anyway, this was the ideal time to get that done. Since we have started on the center part of the house (including taking out a wall between the living room and kitchen), my desk and Loverly Husband’s have been relocated to our (already cramped) bedroom. It’s… cozy.  Not having a permanent work-space is really hard, y’all, but we’re getting there! The kids have been a big help, being super tall and all.

It helps that they’re both over 6′ tall.

Early in February, we didn’t do much other than the usual school/co-op/music routine, with a couple of teen socials and other usual shenanigans thrown in for good measure.

Music Class at co-op

Teen Social

Moms at the teen social

LBB and our puppers, Max & Honey

Our group held a Valentine’s Day party, which was fun. We had a really good day, only to have it ruined by news of the Florida school shooting. I can’t imagine how those parents must feel, or how the teachers and students will find a new ‘normal’ after something like that. Not for the first time, it made me incredibly grateful to have circumstances that allow us to homeschool. The party was fun, though only one of my hooligans decided to attend. The little kids made string art crafts; my surly teenager mostly got reprimanded for instigating semi-dangerous tricks (like jumping off picnic tables) for the littles to imitate. There was food and cake and a card-exchange – the usual.

The Houston Aquarium held their homeschool day sometime back in late February, I think. We’ve been before, but it’s been a while; I got lost driving around downtown Houston. You’d think that in an age where GPS is available literally everywhere, getting lost would be a thing of the past, but it was overcast that day and my GPS kept blanking out. We made it barely in time to get registered, but we made it. The kids had classes in the morning and afternoon, and while they were in class, the parents got to do all the rides and stuff!

In other news, we had dinner with my grandmother, who came down from Longview. We haven’t had a family picture in a while, so that was nice.

The children (minus one of ours, and plus a friend)

In March, a couple of the moms in our homeschool group and I took off for a weekend trip to New Orleans. I’d never been as an adult, so getting to do #allthegrownupthings was super fun!. We got there just in time for our walking ghost tour to begin, had a late dinner, then walked down Bourbon Street, stopped at a couple of pubs along the way, and went for coffee and beignets at 3Am at Cafe Du Monde. We spent the next day shopping and sight-seeing, then came home. It was a perfect getaway!

When we got back from NOLA, my dad went into the hospital to have another stent placed, so we spent some time with him there. The kids both also had checkups; we’ll need to do glasses soon as well.

 

 

One of the moms in our homeschool group organized a tour of the Houston Port, which was super cool. It took about 2 hours, and we got to go on a cruise boat all around the port. It was like driving through a maze to find; the GPS was spotty and confusing, but once we got there, the dock and visitor’s area was really neat. There was an entire section with tiled mural art, as well as bathrooms, picnic tables and a great view.

It was also Pi Day; March 14th. The Houston Children’s Museum hosts a special event, including a Pi-throwing contest with shaving cream pies, so after our boat tour, we made our way there in time to get suited up. our kids were on Team Kickin’ Kiwi, I think it was. They were in green, against the Rockin’ Raspberries in pink. Our team was, sadly, not victorious, but we all got actual pie (donated by a local bakery) anyway. Nothing is so bad that pie can’t help!

We took the kids to the South Texas State Fair, as usual for spring in our area. We went on a Monday evening to avoid the crowds; without little kids, our main goal is to sample as many foods ‘on a stick’ and/or deep-fried as possible. I think we made a pretty good effort this year. I snapped this because I kept getting caught behind the boys; it’s unreal that my ‘babies’ are the size of full-grown, adult men now. That’s Loverly Husband in the center; I wouldn’t normally say that he’s ‘short’, but they make him appear so.


At the end of March, our homeschool group hosted a make-your-own puppet/write your own play Puppet Show. We had a great turn out, and the kids really had some… interesting scripts. Puppets came to life in sock form, with paper bags, wooden/plastic spoons and all kinds of fabrics, plastic bits and bobs, glitter and other craft supplies. They each had to create a backdrop from a roll of craft paper, and come up with their own script. It was an ambitious undertaking, but the kids rose to the challenge and had a great time!

Line ’em up!

The Teen Troupe

the Puppet Theater

My birthday is at the beginning of April, and this year, after trying for the past 3 years, I was able to go to a women’s retreat in North/Central Texas. A couple of my beautiful friends also had birthdays the same week, so we celebrated in high style (and by that, I mean in complete, unwashed camping glory for the entire weekend). We had SUCH a great time! There were structured events, as well as time to just good off; we meant to take a little walk and ended up on a 3 hour hike much, much farther than we planned or realized. We ended up snagging a ride from a couple of girls in a pickup truck to get back where we were supposed to be. It was a really fun weekend.

That same weekend was the Homeschool Prom. LBB elected to spend the weekend at home with his dad while PG stayed with friends so he could go. They had a pre-prom party, and then took off for a night of dancing and fun at a local hotel in the grand ballroom. They looked great, and all the smiles say that they had fun. The theme was old Hollywood glam, and yes, that’s my kiddo with the pipe. There’s a walking stick somewhere as well. He found one of my dad’s canes that was damaged in Harvey and spent the week or so before the prom sanding, repairing, staining and finishing it for a dignified, refined, gentleman-about-town look.

The ‘official’ at-the-Prom photo

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the Houston Museum of Natural Science for a guided tour of the Hall of Ancient Egypt. We haven’t been since they opened this permanent exhibition, so I was completely stoked to get to go through with a curator. We also got to tour the Weiss Energy Hall (which is mostly just a fancy way to repackage fracking as a fun, alternative way to drill for oil since it covers all the pros and absolutely none of the dangers or controversy), and the Message in a Bottle exhibit, which was super fascinating.

 

Our co-op is still doing drama; they’ve taken a break from the play they’re working on to do some improv exercises. Last week, it was live-action puppets; one student was the ‘voice’ and the other stood behind the voice to create movement. Some height incompatibilities made it a super fun (and funny) thing to watch them work through. We also switched (temporarily) from our essay class to philosophy 101, which was a nice change of pace.

Philosophy 101

Our homeschool group hosts a Mom’s Night Out once a month or so, and lately, we’ve been joining a local resource group called Welcome Earthside for their Hoops & Wine MNO events. I can’t hula hoop well, but it’s fun anyway! We’ve had a couple of them so far, and it seems to be gaining popularity. If you can find something like that in your area, I highly recommend giving it a shot.

March Hoops & Wine

April Hoops & Wine

April H&W – we ended up in the parking lot!

We’ve also continued playing D&D; sometimes the same game we started way back a couple of years ago, and just recently, a one-off game to introduce a few newbies to the game. I’ve also been playing D&D with my local NaNoWriMo group (when I can go), and have started playing Vampire with some friends. PG also has a new game with some of his friends… I have always been fascinated by the concept of D&D and have enjoyed learning to play very much!

That pretty much brings you up to speed! Hope your spring is…. spring-y! (Sorry; that was lame. It’s been a long day.)

 

Warmly,
~h


School’s Out For Summer (but Not Really)

Time for another exciting peek into our little world! Well, okay – maybe not ‘exciting’, and since I tend to be long-winded, maybe ‘little’ isn’t accurate either. Oh well; if you’ve been reading her for a while then you know this already, and if you’re new here then welcome to the chaos!

June has been a month of playing ‘catch-up’ and making adjustments. We’ve had some fun along the way, but I can’t help starting the summer feeling like I am scrambling to get to the miraculous land of ‘should be’. If you’ve been homeschooling for any length of time, then you already probably know that ‘should be’ is a mythical land that doesn’t really exist, but the fact that it’s completely arbitrary and in your own head doesn’t make it a favored destination of basically all homeschooling parents anyway. Before I go on, a little history and explanation so we’re all on the same page.

First off, the image (and title of this post): we homeschool year-round. Rather than the traditional 9 months on/3 months off that ‘regular’ school runs, we do 6 weeks on/1 week off with a couple of 2 or 3-week breaks when we need them during the course of the year.

Ideally.

Along the way, we’ve had deaths or illnesses or other circumstances that have altered that schedule, but for the most part, that’s what we do. So while most kiddos are celebrating the end of the school year, my kids were actually off the last week in May and are back to the books  during the first week of June, and won’t have off again until mid-July, when they’ll have a couple of weeks off in a row before starting our 2017-2018 curriculum.

Secondly, there have been three major factors this year that have affected our schooling schedule: a) my mom was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, and died in January (we took a couple of months to spend time with her before she died, and then to grieve and heal after her death); b) my Loverly Husband’s work schedule has changed; whereas he used to have every weekend off work, he now works about half of them, so a change in our schedule is necessary so that he’ll be able to spend ‘weekends’ with the kids (even when his weekend falls during the week); and c) my dad has had two heart surgeries in the last month, which has probably been the least affective issue for us, but it’s not an insignificant source of worry and concern, especially with my mom’s death being so recent. So that’s the ‘why’ of feeling behind and making adjustments.

I wanted to point those two things out for two reasons. One, to illustrate that my life (and homeschooling) isn’t perfect. Though I don’t live and die by our planned schedule, I do spend a significant portion of my time planning each year. When we fall behind schedule, though it isn’t the worst possible thing in the world, it does tend to throw a kink in the plan. At this point, because we took the much-needed, extremely appropriate time off to deal with my mom’s illness and death, it still put us 6-weeks-plus behind where we would normally be in our curriculum. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal; we’ll adjust. That’s one of the (many) perks of homeschooling though – to be able to take time when you need it and school through when you have no real reason to take a break. Two, to point out that even seasoned homeschooling parents fall prey to a lot of the same thoughts and fears and worries that many new homeschooling parents are concerned about. This is my 6th year, and first year of homeschooling high school, but I still worry over the same things every year: are they where they should be? Is this curriculum challenging enough without being too much? Is this curriculum working? Are we doing enough/rigorous enough? etc…. My point here is that if you’re new, and stressing yourself out with those kinds of thoughts: it’s cool – you’re totally normal.

Moving on… June’s been an interesting month. We started with just regular school work: desk work, computer work, music lessons, etc.

Our local orchestra, the Symphony of Southeast Texas, normally hosts a youth concert in the spring. This year, they moved it to late May instead of February, and instead of having it at the Julie Rogers theater (where it’s been held for literally the entire time we’ve been homeschooling), they moved it to the historic Jefferson Theater. It was a cool switch; the Jefferson has seen a lot of action in the last year or so, because they’re doing a lot of revitalization, and Beaumont Events hosts a movie night there almost every week.

The SOST’s theme was all about fantasy scores, so the music began with Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries and progressed through A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the William Tell Overture, Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean, among others. It (as always) was amazing, and didn’t disappoint.

Our homeschool group hosts a ‘mom’s night in’ event every month, which is great (and kid-free!). In May, we had an art night with the Art Sherpa on YouTube. We did her Cosmic Owl painting. This is one of those paintings that really doesn’t ‘come together’ until you;re done with it and let it sit for a while. But the evening was a lot of fun!

As I mentioned above, my dad had two heart surgeries over the past month, one right after the other, so we spent a good deal of time in waiting rooms and with him during his stay. He’s well-recovered now, and better than ever.

My sister and I have been slowly cleaning out my Mom’s rooms and closets and stuff. It’s slow going because she has a LOT of stuff, so we enlisted the kiddos to help. I used to have tons of pictures of Fred with the boys during the summer posts here, but as she’s gotten older, she hasn’t spent quit as much time with the boys. She’s very grown up now. She and LBB both start driver’s ed this summer – more on that at a future date!

We’ve been playing our Dungeons & Dragons campaign for almost a year and a half now. It’s not something I thought I’d be into, but it’s been a lot of fun (despite the seeming otherwise expressions on both of my kids’ faces below).

Our homeschool group hosted a Spring Orchestra Concert & Talent Show the first week of June. We had quite a few rehearsal dates so the kids could get all the practice they could before the show.

 

These are from a fellow homeschooled student’s graduation party.

And a couple of action-shots from our Talent Show & Spring Concert

Our co-op classes are over (at least until the summer semester begins), so Thursdays have become ‘beach day’ for the foreseeable future. Our first week post-co-op was over to Holly Beach in Louisiana, which is just over the border from Pleasure Island. LBB stayed home because he doesn’t like the sand… or the sun…or the water.

Another post-co-op change is that LBB has officially switched from violin to cello. His expression says it all – he’s much happier in a bigger instrument.

Music lessons are still on Mondays and Fridays; this is from LBB’s second ‘official’ cello lesson. He’s taken to it very well. He went up to song 88 during this class, which is impressive considering that it took the group orchestra all year to get through the book. He’s going to catch up really (really) quickly. PeaGreen is still on violin (and piano), and is considering a switch to the french horn. We’ll have to see about that though since brass is so totally different from strings.

I haven’t given up my practice, either. It’s been 10 months now, and I still love it! Daily practice is going to be more fun with another cello player to work with, and even moreso when we get LBB’s cello.

This week, we spent Thursday at another beach; Sea Rim State Park this time.

And wrapping up with today’s (very long, very active) events… music lessons & car selfies this morning, teen social on Adams Bayou & at Shangri La Botanical Gardens in Orange, TX this afternoon (followed by dipped ice cream cones at Dairy Queen) and another mom’s night in with facials and wine. Not a bad way to end the week!

 

Hope your summer is off to a great start! Until next time,

Warmly,

~h

 

 


May Flowers – Spring 2017

I can’t believe it’s May already! When I was a kid, May meant ‘summer’ in full force, but it seems like over the last few years, it’s been cool well into May. This year has been no exception to that; the daytime, though warm, has been lovely. Mornings and evenings are darn near perfect. If I could bottle this weather and keep it forever, I would. I keep trying to convince Loverly Husband that we could move to some place where the weather’s like this all year round, but so far no dice. Ah, well… maybe some day!

In the mean time, we’re making the most of spring! We’ve been eating dinner on the patio – well, I call it the patio. That’s a generous term, I know. We once had a covered carport, but hurricane Rita carried it away and we never replaced it, so now it’s just a concrete slab where we usually park my car. Loverly Husband has a giant work truck, so he doesn’t park on the slab, leaving the whole right side of the slab open… for my table, chairs and plants (now). It’s turning into a lovely little space that is shaded well in the afternoon due to the trees that are on the fence line between us and the neighboring house (which was once my grandmother’s, before she moved to Longview). In any case, it’s nice to have an outdoor seating area, and dining area, whatever you want to call it.

 

In between our outings, the kids have been doing more in the kitchen. Cooking is not my ‘thing’, so they have had to learn to experiment with foods and cooking to figure out what they like. They’re pretty intuitive though, and even offer to cook dinner for the family on occasion. PeaGreen’s favorite things to make are Corn Casserole, and (Easy) Chicken Alfredo. LBB is more of a ‘fix something to eat’ over a ‘prepare a meal’ kinda guy. Hopefully he’ll either learn to cook more things or find a partner who loves to cook!

As always of late, music practice dominates our days and week. We have a seat test for orchestra once a month, and this time around, we only had the music for a single week. Not only that, but some of the songs required notes or position shifts that were totally new, that we also had to figure out for ourselves. It’s the kind of move that, as a teacher, I wholeheartedly approve of. But as a student, it was harrowing. I didn’t do as well as I’d have liked; I still got an A, but I feel like I could have done better. The boys also were disappointed with their performances, both receiving B’s, but in context (first year students with no prior music experience; new notes; brand new music; a long piece; with only one week of practice), I think they did well.

We played The Sound of Music for our test. Oh! That was the other thing; we were given THREE pieces of music; The Sound of Music, Fireflies, and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head, and told that the test would come from one of those pieces, so practice all three.  We didn’t know which piece we’d be playing until the day-of, about 15 minutes before the test. So yes, adding that factor in, I’m overall fine with everyone’s grades.

In our homeschool co-op, the kids are taking a class on Teen Mental Health. They’ve had a semester-long project to work on that is coming to a close, and each week has been focused on a distinct method of awareness or coping with life and self-care and maintaining good mental health or managing mental health issues. To help focus on living things and the slowness of thought that comes with managing plants (and relaxation that many people find), the kids made succulent and cactus terrariums. In addition to the little plants and moss and rocks common to this style of container, the kids brought a variety of little trinkets to put into their containers.

LBB’s echevarria variant with moss and glass beads

PeaGreen’s cactus and succulent with Zelda

In our art class, we started art journaling to explore mixed media art.

And just because this was such an enjoyable little evening, here are some pictures we took when my dad joined us for dinner on our little patio (and more pictures of my plants, because they’re making me super happy these days). He said that this was the first actual ‘dinner’ he’s had since my mom died. Apparently he’s also more of a ‘fix something to eat’ type. That’s kinda sad, because he used to cook dinner fairly often, but Sunday Breakfast was his specialty throughout my childhood. He even had a special Tupperware container that lived on top of the refrigerator with his secret, proprietary mix for making homemade buttermilk biscuits. He and my grandfather and brother used to deer hunt every fall and winter as well, so homemade deer sausage was always on the menu… with eggs of some kind and coffee. I miss those days.

We went to McFaddin Ward for ‘Manners Mater’, a social etiquette class for one of our homeschool group’s Teen Socials. We’ve been having two each month lately, and the kids are enjoying it. The kids dressed in a variety of styles of clothing, from ultra casual to business casual (we couldn’t get them into formal wear, lol) and performed skits to help identify polite behaviours and impolite behaviours. We actually went to the museum first, because I wasn’t sure where our class was going to be at, so I got a couple of pictures of the boys on the porch while we waited. We’ve been homeschooling for almost 7 years now, and haven’t been to the museum yet. We’ve been all around it, at the carriage house, in the visitor’s center and on the grounds, but never actually inside. ‘Gotta do that, H.I.’.

Afterwards, we celebrated Cinco de Mayo with lunch at Elena’s Mexican Restaurant. *so yummy*.

.

Afterwards, we had music lessons (because Friday). PeaGreen worked on his piano solo, and LBB practiced violin. He was going to add guitar, but opted to stick with one instrument for now. I don’t blame him; finding time to practice two isn’t easy. Our homeschool group’s ‘end of the year talent show and recital’ is coming up the first week of June, so we’re all in preparation/practice mode. PeaGreen is planning a performance with two of his friends in addition to his solo and playing with the orchestra. He’s working hard!

Here are the books we’re using for our piano class, in case you were wondering.

Overall, a busy and productive few weeks, as always. Stay tuned for another update soon!

Warmly,
~h


13 Reasons Controversy

It’s been a while since I’ve come across something in the homeschool world that makes me sit up and take notice, but this is one of those things that compelled me to write about it. There’s a new series on Netflix that you may have seen. It’s called 13 Reasons Why, and it’s based on a YA novel of the same name by Jay Asher. It’s about a high school girl who commits suicide, but leaves behind a series of audiotapes intended to be passed around to the people she holds responsible for her death.

**general spoiler warning** If you haven’t read the book or watched the series and don’t want details, you should probably stop reading this post until after you’re read/watched it. 

Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

Apparently, there are a lot of feelings about this series; A LOT of feelings. From the outset, I’ll say unequivocally that material that sparks discussion about mental health, depression, bullying and other issues that teens (and young adults) face has a place in the public eye, period. Even more-so if it engages teens, who tend to be most at-risk for suicide. Whether you agree, disagree, like it, hate it – whatever: discussion about topics that we, as a culture, tend to file under ‘taboo conversational topics: Do Not Engage!’ is a good thing. It’s a necessary thing. And it’s about damn time.

Full disclosure, I’ve watched the series; I have not read the book. My children (13.5 and 15 at the time of this writing) have neither read the book or watched the series*, but both said that they ‘might’. I’ve told them that it’s fine if they do; to let me know if/when they do so we can talk about it. I also gave them a synopsis of what it’s about, gave a warning about graphic rape scenes and drug/alcohol use, and mentioned that there are things that Hannah (the main character) says, thinks and does as a result of disenfranchisement/bullying/potentially undiagnosed and untreated depression that aren’t ‘reality’; and that we need to talk about it during and after they watch it. We don’t generally censor what our kids watch; I’d rather know what they’re watching so we can decide if we need to intervene or talk about it than have them sneak around watching things behind our back. We’ve set standards for them that have gotten more permissive as they’ve gotten older; I don’t think we let them consume anything that isn’t age-appropriate. You may disagree, which is why if my kids come to your house, they’d have to follow your rules (or the lead set by your kids, which may be very different from your ‘rules’… but I digress). And before you lose your mind over that, we a) have developed trust with our kids based on communication and experience and will continue to base our decisions and permissions on that trust; and b) can still monitor when we feel the need to, because parental controls and history/system checks on media are a thing that exists and we reserve the right to record and check as needed. Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

In any case, my point is that we talk about mental health issues fairly often in our house. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (major depressive disorder) in 2006, and with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2011. I take medications, supplements, use tools like apps, meditation practice, journaling and a focus on self-care as part of my management plan. They’ve seen me manage my own mental health issues and heard me talking about it with others a lot. Along with some of the other moms in our homeschool group, I went to a teen mental health first aid course and got certified as a ‘teen mental heath first aid practitioner’, and our teens are participating in a semester-long mental health course through our homeschool co-op, using curricula and resources from TeenMentalHealth.org and other similar sources. I say all of that to tell you this very scary fact: seeing and knowing and doing all that doesn’t make my kids suicide-proof. That’s hard to read; it’s hard to admit. But it’s the truth. I’ll come back to this in a bit.

The reason I started writing this post is because, like many homeschooling parents, I’m in quite a few internet support groups that focus on homeschooling. It’s generally helpful, and sometimes I learn new things there, or find tidbits of new information that I want to use in our school career. other times, I come across things like this:

 

Okay, fine. You don’t want to watch it, then fine. But let me tell you this: if your kids want to watch it, and their peers are watching it, then even if you think it’s ‘poison’, then you should damn well be watching it, too. If for no other reason than because you should be informed of what’s going on in and around your child’s world. Changes are, if your kids’ peers are recommending it, then your child is going to figure out how to watch it, with or without your approval.

And hear this: if your opinion is so strongly negatively stated, do you think that your kid is going to come to you to talk about what they saw if they watched it without your permission (or in spite of being explicitly told not to watch it)? Nope. So your precious snowflake is going to be left alone to figure it out, or have only the influence of his or her peers to guide how they process the show. Not only that, but as a parent, you’ll miss out on being able to clarify the points that need to be made throughout the series about how Hannah could have made different choices, or how her friends could have, or what your child’s options are in different scenarios.

And then there’s this, which makes my eyes want to roll right out of my head.

ARE YOU FRIKKIN’ KIDDING ME?? Also, it’s extremely bad form to tell a parent who literally has experience with this situation that it’s not reality when it is very much their reality. I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to have your child survive a suicide attempt. I can imagine it would be harrowing, and that you’d be on red-alert all the time. To have your child attempt it again? I can’t even imagine that kind of pain and stress and anger and hopelessness.

To their credit, the moderators of that group very quickly deleted that comment thread. The post itself is still up, with decent discussion both for and against allowing/encouraging/discouraging (and some outright forbidding) students to watch, and decent discussion about whether the series addresses teen suicide and bullying appropriately or not. The discussion was relatively civil and productive, with good points on all sides.

From the message thread, the article lists these reasons why ‘not’ to watch (edited for clarity):

  1. This show was overly graphic. …  These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.

  2. The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself.

  3. The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.

  4. They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. ….  the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die?

So, obvious warnings are obvious; Netflix rates the show as TV-MA, and included content warnings on the episodes that have the most graphic content. The author of that post’s child is in 6th grade… so, not 17… but she may be mature enough to handle watching the series with her mother nearby; that’s a decision that each parent needs to make. I don’t necessarily disagree with the author’s assertions in the context of her particular child. But to give all parents a ruler by which to measure their own children is ridiculous.

But to take this one point at a time… first, I don’t think it was overly graphic for the audience intended. As mentioned previously, the rating is TV-MA. It’s more subject matter than content that garners the warning. There’s no nudity; they do a damn fine job of conveying the horror of one girl (Jessica) being raped while under the influence of alcohol, and of (Hannah) witnessing it but being unable to say or do anything to prevent it due to her own trauma without being, in my opinion, overly graphic. They didn’t rush through it; they didn’t gloss over it; they didn’t give you an out as a witness to what was happening, either visually or audibly. You, as the viewer, endured it with them. Not only that, but you were flashed back to it at different points – just moments or glimpses – but the trauma is revisited over and over again, unpredictably…. just like in real life. That, to me, is one of the biggest arguments FOR watching it – exactly because of how well-done this particular aspect of it was. Not only that, but in the production commentary (the last episode of the series), they specifically talk about how Hannah never said the words ‘no’, or ‘stop’ or anything, really, when she was raped. It was clear that she did not want to have sex, but she never said no. That makes a conversation about ‘victim blaming’ necessary. Talking about it is one thing. Seeing how it happens is another. Was it rape if she didn’t say no? After seeing it, it’s painfully obvious that she was, in fact, raped. In some religions, because she didn’t scream, or say no, she is considered guilty of fornication. That scene puts an entirely different face on that circumstance, and is fucking *necessary* if you’re a young woman growing up in a religion that teaches that.

Secondly, you don’t need to give kids a ‘how to’ guide to commit suicide. If it’s on their minds, then they’ve already thought of it or imagined it or planned how they’d do it. I was about 12 the first time I ever thought about killing myself, and by 14 I had a concrete plan. I was raised in a pretty strict household as far as what we were allowed to watch – nothing rated R, no horror movies, nothing overly sexual or violent. I never needed anyone else to tell me what to do. I never got as far as an actual attempt, but  I didn’t need to be ‘influenced’ by outside sources. All those thoughts and ideas came from right inside my own head. Showing it isn’t going to ‘give them ideas’ or convince them to ‘give it a try’. That’s a huge myth, and yet it persists because people – parents – don’t ever want to face the reality that kids have very real pressures in their life and may lack the tools to deal effectively with them. A further truth is that some teens have mental health issues that are undiagnosed.

Today’s kids, younger and younger every year, are under an enormous amount of pressure. Their brains do not work the same way that adult brains do; they process information and experiences differently than we do, and they lack both life experience and time to understand that what they feel today isn’t going to last forever. As an adult with depression, I can tell you that in the depths of a depressive episode, even with life experience and the clear understanding that those dark feelings don’t last forever, sometimes forget it. That’s why depression is an illness – because it messes with your brain. Not talking about suicide because you ‘don’t want to put ideas in their head’ is stupid and reckless. By the time I was 18, one classmate and 1 friend had committed suicide, with several others hospitalized after suicide attempts…. and this was back in the 90’s.  Now, there are things like cutting and other forms of self-harm. It’s a real thing. Real kids do it. Your kids might do it. My kid might do it. We might not necessarily know about it. Again – there’s that scary place to think about – that our child might be in pain and in harm’s way. But avoiding it doesn’t make it go away; it makes it more dangerous.

Here’s something it’s important to understand about suicide: people don’t do it because they’re healthy and thinking clearly. People who commit suicide see death as the only way out. Out of suffering, of being a disappointment or a burden on others (friends and family), out of the confinement of struggling every day just to live. I also think it’s important to understand that unless you also struggle with depression or anxiety or another mental illness, you can’t know what it’s like to reach that point; to get to the point that thinking or feeling like ending your life is the only way to be free. This is probably one of the best images I’ve ever seen that illustrates that feeling – everything is so awful that death looks peaceful in comparison. But, because of the stigma that depression and mental illness carries, it’s incredibly hard to talk about. That’s okay; talk about that, too. Tell your kids that you’re scared for them. They need to know that.

The third point is an idiotic one, imo. You begin the series knowing that the girl killed herself; but one can hardly tell the story without flashbacks. As the viewer, you get multiple insights to the story – Hannah’s perception as she tells it on the tapes; the recollections of her friends and classmates; and a ‘narrator’ view, which features Hannah in a somewhat less than ‘perfect’ view. I disagree that Hanna’s suicide was built up to in order to sensationalize it; I think the flashbacks gave a fairly well-laid out progression of the deterioration of Hannah’s mental state and circumstances that led to her making the decision to kill herself. Starting off with the suicide scene, or downplaying it wouldn’t make sense. I think showing it the way that they did was appropriate; it was graphic and horrific and terrifying and lonely and sad – everything that suicide is. This feeds into the next point – they didn’t glamorize her; quite the opposite. I saw a bunch of people who gave lip service to mourning a girl they barely paid attention to when she was alive. That’s not glamorization; that’s tragedy. Her life didn’t have meaning after she died; her life ended. That’s what death means – you’re dead. No more life to live; no more chapters to your story.

Here’s what I saw, first and foremost: I saw a lot of kids with a LOT of problems, and mostly absent or distracted parents. I saw a lack of communication; a lack of courage (courage to speak up when you see something that you know is wrong, to defend someone else, to start a conversation, to say the thing you want to say, to have a voice at all); a lack of trust and confidence in the adults in the kids’ lives. I saw obvious warning signs (drinking, drug use, heavily tattooed under-aged teens – you don’t get those from hanging out with fine upstanding citizens… because it’s illegal) that no adult acted on. There are SO MANY things to talk with your kids about… for me to talk with my kids about.

I think Hannah is responsible for her own death. She kept things to herself when she could have talked – at any point – to the people around her. If not peers, then adults. She felt like she didn’t have options, and that’s where the adults in her life failed her. But it wasn’t a one-time thing; it was systematic. It was something that went on and on for a long period of time. Her parents were distracted by real problems, but they were distracted nonetheless. Her friends also had real problems, but each person in Hannah’s life that she sent the tapes to also had options. Not necessarily a responsibility towards Hannah, but options for how they handled their own situations that led them to whatever thing they said or did that Hannah ended up blaming them for. Hannah did a terrible thing… several, actually. Playing the ‘blame game’ helps no one; absolves no one; is fair to no one. Suicide is a tragedy, but ultimately, the person who ended their own life is the one responsible for that decision. There’s a discussion on ‘suicide revenge’ that should probably happen as well. This isn’t a new concept; Marilyn Manson’s Coma Black has the line ‘I kill myself to make everybody pay‘. Hannah left tapes to explain/punish those she held responsible, and ultimately let herself off the hook for her decision in both deed and via the tapes. That was a shitty thing to do.

As a parent: TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Tell them that you have issues; that you don’t understand them or their culture, but that you are trying. Let them teach you. Don’t play the disinterested parent-role; don’t let them think that you have all your shit worked out. If you haven’t learned shit-management techniques in your 30+ years on the planet, then you probably didn’t pass any down to your kids, so they’re likely in need of those tools anyway. Let them know that life doesn’t just magically work itself out when you turn 20 or 30 or 40. It’s still a struggle, BUT you learn coping mechanisms on the way that can make it easier. Be an example – take charge of your own issues. If your issues are affecting you kids, then for fuck’s sake, get help, and include them in the process. The other half of this is LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS. Trust them when they tell you that their life is horrible (instead of giving in to the righteous anger that we love to fall back on and list all their privileges and blessings so they’ll see how entitled they’re acting and shape up). Getting angry at them for being ‘ungrateful’ instead of listening to what they’re telling you can lead to a teenager who doesn’t feel like you’re a source of support. Trust that they’re using the best vocabulary that they can, and help them find better words to express what they’re feeling. Ask questions and LISTEN to the answers without giving in to the temptation to be all judgmental or looking for ways to punish them to opening up to you. You can’t have open, honest communication with a teenager and then censor how they talk, or try to shape their expression into your worldview. Listen to see where they are at and meet them there. Then cover new ground together. It’s okay to be lost, or not know what to say. Tell them that; they need to know that we don’t have everything all figured out either, and that it’s okay to learn new things (like how to handle intrusive or overwhelming negative thoughts). It’s also okay to seek outside, professional help. In fact, that’s something your kids should already have – access to suicide hotlines and a network of adults that they can trust to talk to.

In closing, I think people tend to forget that TV and book characters aren’t ‘real’ people; they’re amalgams of multiple people, or archetypes that real people don’t fit into exactly. Real people are so multi-faceted and multi-layered that no book or TV character could ever get it just right. No real person is as one-dimensional as a character; and no situations are quite as simply laid out as real life scenarios are. This book and series, and others like it, create discussion opportunities for parents to guide their teens., and I believe that’s what the series is intended to do. Whether you allow your child to watch it or not, there are some real-world things that today’s kids face. There are real-world situations brought up in that series that I believe it is entirely worthwhile to talk about with your kids. Whether you choose to use the series as a conversation starter, or some other method is up to you – but have the conversations with your kids. Please.

Warmly,
~h

* When I started this post, they had not. After I asked, I guess that brought it to their attention, and LBB (15) decided to watch it. At the time of this post being published, he’s about halfway through the series, and we’ve had multiple discussions about it – big ones, little ones, talks at the dinner table, talks in the car… sometimes just a comment here or there, sometimes more drawn out.

 


April Showers: Late Spring 2017

I hate starting off a post with ‘we’ve been really busy’. If you know me IRL, then you know I’m always busy; that doesn’t change. Everything else may, but that’s a constant in my life. I don’t mean that to sound like a complaint, truly. I like it. I thrive on being ‘busy’. When I say, ‘We’ve been busy!’, it’s more of an acknowledgement that it’s been a while since I slowed down to take stock of what we’ve accomplished – me, individually, and each of the boys, and all of us together (including Loverly Husband) together for school or general family wellness. That’s one of the reasons I like blogging, particularly about our homeschool journey, because it does force/give me the opportunity to record and reflect on what we’ve been doing with our time.

That said, April’s been a busy month, for sure. I brought last month’s update through the first 6 weeks back to school after my mom died. Our break week was pretty chill; we spent most of the week at home, barring a couple of outings. The most glaringly obvious event was the kids’ first formal dance! Honestly, I wish they’d been as excited about it as I was for them. I wasn’t allowed to go to school dances, so this was a big deal. Yes, I recognize that I am living vicariously through my children; go away with your criticism. I want them to have opportunities I was denied; what parent doesn’t want that for their kids? It was super weird though; we had a pre-prom party a friend’s house, then dropped all the kids off to be tended by event chaperones. I trust my kids, and their friends are trustworthy. I wasn’t concerned about anything untoward going on – it was just the strangeness of ‘dropping them off at an event’. I’ve really never done that before! This is new territory, but appropriate for their age and maturity, I think, and something I have to get used to as they become independent young men. It makes me want to fold them up and put them in my pocket…. but also let them bloom and grow into the fine young people they are proving themselves to be. It’s a dilemma.

Before prom festivities could commence, we went with our homeschool group to a tour of the Lower Neches Valley Authority, better known around here as the LNVA, saltwater barrier, which is the system of testing and regulating and prevention of saltwater from the Gulf of Mexico creeping up too far into the Neches River. The Neches is where we get most (all?) of our water from; everything from the city water supply to rice and crawfish farming and petrochemical processing plant use. The saltwater barrier is a big deal, and the dam/lock system they have to keep the river salt-free (or at least within acceptable levels) is pretty neat. We got to go up on the barrier itself, and walk across the top, as well as into the lab where they do all the water testing.

That’s the barrier system in the background. There’s a shot of the kids, looking down from the top of the barrier, and a shot of our group at the top railing.

The theme for the homeschool prom this year was Masquerade, so we went to a local party shop to look for masks. We lucked out – they had a whole section with Venetian style masks. The kids both found masks that suit their styles; PeaGreen’s colorful, ostentatiously feathered Columbina mask in all its sequinned glory; and a smirking, judgy, full-faced Bauta for LBB. At least, from the definition of masks and their meanings, that’s the closest to ‘types of mask‘ I could find for them. Reading through the meanings was interesting; I think they chose well as far as coincidentally aligning personality with choice of mask.

I also found Joker and Harley Quinn mask/sunglasses, which I am tempted to purchase. I didn’t though; all my money right now is being spent on herbs and plants!

Prom day rolled around and we spent the early evening at our friends’ house. She decorated and we all brought food – finger foods so no one accidentally spilled and spoiled their outfits! We’re sometimes smart when we put our heads together to plan things like this. It worked out perfectly; the kids had enough time to get together and relax, eat, and we got pictures just in case they slipped by the photo booths at the event.

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I was really glad that whoever set up the prom didn’t let anyone sneak by without getting a picture! LBB is a pro at disappearing when it’s time to take pictures, so I am really glad they got him. Photography by someone who is not me… they’re in the SETXHomeschool Prom albums.

I got to spend some kid-free time with my friend Kandi; we went to dinner and then to a lecture at the McFaddin Ward House Visitor’s Center featuring Anita Davis of the ESSE Purse Museum in Little Rock, Arkansas. I wasn’t sure what to expect; the way the event was advertised, I thought the lecture was going to be about some of the ‘famous purses’ they have on display, or about purses in general and what women carry in them. It was more about the woman, herself, and how she got started and she touched on some of the other bits; I was a little disappointed, but it was still very cool to see a woman over the age of 40 reinvent herself and do this awesome thing. Her talk was great for what it was; if I’m ever in Little Rock, I am going to do my best to actually visit the museum.

Although it looks like we were super active, those were really our only two ‘out of the house’ things during our off week. Loverly Husband has a new schedule at work, so he’s off occasionally during the week now. This time, his ‘off’ days and ours happened to coincide, so we spent a lot of time just hanging out at home with Dad.

Easter isn’t a big thing in our house; Loverly Husband stayed home and worked on the yard while the kids and I went to my brother’s for a BBQ. My dad went, too. Before my mom died, we planned a big family dinner for every couple of months. We hadn’t had one in a while, because my mom wasn’t feeling up to it, and then her illness and death took the spotlight. This was the first thing we’ve done as a family since her death that wasn’t because of her illness or arrangements following her death. It was surreal. We didn’t talk about her much, but it was so odd and different without her there to do the things and contribute to the flow of conversation. I miss her.

We started our second 6 weeks on April 17th, and it’s been full-speed ahead since then. I dropped the kids off at their music lesson Monday in favor of a fancy ladies’ luncheon at the incredible Monica’s with my friend Bridey who recently moved out of town, then Wednesday, the kids and I hooked up with another family in our group and went to the Health Museum in Houston to see Body Worlds Rx exhibit. I missed out on it the last time it was in Houston; the kids were really little and I remember being iffy on whether or not they could handle the idea of actual bodies being displayed like that. My parents went to see it last time and said it was really nifty; having seen it for myself, I’ll have to agree. They don’t look ‘real’ though; the plastination process makes them look like mannequins.

We spent all day at the museum; the kids got to go through the Body Worlds Rx displays, we watched about 30 minutes of an hour-long film about the process that von Hagens uses to make the displays, and the kids did an hour-long lab and ran experiments on (???). The film was dated and dry, but the process itself is so neat/eerie/cool/gross/fascinating/disconcerting/incredible. This is the actual film, though the version we watched was narrated in English. There are snippets of it in English on YouTube as well.

 

Our homeschool co-op resumed this past week for the last 6 weeks of the 2016-2017 school year. I cannot believe that we’re almost a year into co-op, or that we’re almost DONE with a full year of co-op! The kids are taking art (practical), in which they’re working for 3 weeks on mixed-media and art journaling, then they will have 3 weeks to work on their final project (they can use any of the techniques we’ve learned throughout this semester); the last 6 weeks of teen mental health class, which focuses on physical health and their final project (each student has been working on an ‘awareness board’ for a particular mental illness); art (history), which is new this 6 weeks; and the final 6 weeks of orchestra. They’ll be seat-testing this coming week, with music that they’ll have only had 6 days to prepare for.

We have music lessons every week; LBB uses the time to further his violin skills, and PeaGreen chose to start piano lessons. We have a talent show coming up in our homeschool group, our ‘end of the year’ orchestra concert *and* a recital for our music teacher coming up at the end of summer. That’s a lot to practice for!

We’re still playing our Dungeons & Dragons campaign that we started last year. We try to play every other week, and most weeks that works out, but it’s been a while, so it was nice to get back to it. They both have looks of concentration on their faces – that’s misleading! It’s a lot of fun and silliness.

This evening, Loverly Husband and I ditched the kids for dinner at a local gourmet burger joint, browsed Home Depot for plants and a part to repair the light in our ceiling fan, Office Depot for a new desk chair, and a 45 minute, extra-long wait in the Starbuck’s drive-thru. Despite the extended wait time in the car, it was a lovely evening out!

 

Warmly,
~h


Happy New Year 2017

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So it’s that time of year again; when everyone posts their resolutions and goals for the new year. I’m not immune to the appeal of ‘starting fresh’ and making a grand effort to improve myself and my life – the changing of the calendar from one year to the next is a natural transition, and it feels good and productive to have goals. Last year, rather than making ‘resolutions’ for 2016, I went with an overall theme for the year. It was trendy a few years back, but I really liked that idea, and it worked better for me than having ultra-specific resolutions.

My theme for 2016, so you don’t have to go back and find that post, was ‘mindfulness’, which is basically the practice of living in the present moment (hard to do when anxiety disorder is part of your life, which is why it felt like something I needed to work on). That’s still one of my favorite words, and I find that it will continually be on my list of ‘things to work on’. It wasn’t a total success, but, as my music teacher is often saying, ‘progress, not perfection!”. In that light, I do think that having an overall theme was easier to maintain than a list of ‘rules’ to have to follow.

Here’s a re-cap of my goals in that theme from last year:

meditation – I practice on my own, but I really would like to make it part of my week to go to the group sit at St. Mark’s. They meet twice a week; I want to make at least one of them.

simplify – KonMari! I want to clear out things that don’t make me happy, from possessions to wardrobe to household goods

health – movement and community – walking with playgroup; with the kids; family health; focus on cleaner eating

relationships – tend those I care about and cut loose those I don’t

I didn’t actually make it to St. Marks for meditation with the group, well … ever. The timing wasn’t something I could ever work into my schedule. After giving it some thought, and making my personal meditation practice a priority, I didn’t feel the need to practice with a group as much. Now, I’m content to continue my personal practice in private. As for simplifying… well, that didn’t work out either; at least not in the KonMari way. I did do some downsizing and re-organizing, but nothing that could be categorized as a clean sweep in the KonMari way. We finally got our storage building moved into our backyard, so that alleviated a lot of the clutter inside the house, but there’s more (always) to be done. It’s a process, so while I didn’t exactly meet my original goal, I don’t feel like that was a total failure, either. Health/Nutrition/Fitness are always going to be a focus – more so in the coming year with the decline in my parents’ health, but that’s a long story best told over coffee. I went walking with the group once, and tried to go with another group, but that didn’t work out according to the original plan, either. I did purchase a new bicycle a few months ago, so that’s what I’ve been doing, because I enjoy biking more than walking. The kids have their bikes, too and we ride together – another bonus. This year, I want to get a bike rack so we can take our bikes to local biking trails and ride (or maybe we can just work on increasing our distance and ride to a park that’s not too awful far away). As for relationships, I feel like I’ve been stretched too thin to effectively be a friend to some of the people I actually do care about. There are definitely a few friends who have become long-distance friends that I need to make more of an effort to connect with.

This year, I am going to go with the same one-word theme, but more action-oriented. Mindfulness can be an action word, but it feels more passive to me. Now, at the end of the year, I’m feeling antsy – like I need to move and ‘do’. To satisfy that need, I’ve chosen ‘create’ as my theme. Here are some things I want to create this year:

  • space – both in a physical and metaphysical sense. In the real world, I want to create peaceful, relaxing spaces in my home. This means taking charge of clutter and possessions that no longer serve me or my family, or our purpose. I have really been drawn to the idea of minimalism over the past couple of years, and while I won’t say I am ready to go all in just yet, I feel the need to free up space in my home and my head, and I feel like downsizing all the things might be a step in the right direction. This aspect also includes clearing away obligations and activities that no longer fit my needs or bring me joy or relaxation, or free up time so that I can spend more of it with my kids and Loverly Husband. A relatively inflexible rule I’ve established over the last couple of months has been to say no to things I don’t truly, deeply enjoy or that put money in my family’s budget. I’m spread very thin, and I need to take back some of that time.
  • memories – this is something that is so very important to me; that my children have a rich childhood filled with memorable experiences and traditions to carry with them throughout their lives and one day pass on to their own kids. We’ve made an effort to have game nights and do things as a family that do just that: create a memory. We only have a few years of ‘childhood’ left; I want to make the most of them. I’d like 2017 to have an emphasis on ‘creating memories’  – simple things like rock painting, cooking together, game nights, traveling and other fun (inexpensive, low-key) stuff.
  • art – creating art is something I always come back to. This takes many forms: art journaling, writing, painting, crafting… I like them all. Some of the time I take from other things needs to be focused on creating more of the thing my soul craves.
  • music – I started playing cello this past year, and began piano lessons earlier in December. I used to play flute and clarinet in school, but dropped it after I graduated. I’d forgotten how much I loved it; playing music occupies my entire body – mind, hands, attention, eyes – it’s a full-body experience. For someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, having something that’s so all-consuming to drown in has been an amazing relief. Since my kids are also taking music lessons (both on violin), it’s also something we can do together, which I love.
  • change – activism has been a part of my life for years now, in small ways. As my kids get older and demand less of my time, I feel the need to get involved with larger efforts to affect positive change. I’m not sure exactly what route this path will lead me on just yet, but it’s something I am motivated to accomplish.

 

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So… that’s my word for this year. What’s yours?
Happy New Year!
Warmly,
~h


Summery Time Fun

 

blue_watercolor_chevron_1_1024x1024This month has been a little slower than usual. We’ve been taking it kinda easy, and letting the kids adjust to the new norm after the loss of Loverly Husband’s grandmother at the end of May. Academically, we spent the beginning of the month on our ‘summertime’ schedule, which is overall a little bit lighter than what they’re assigned during the fall and spring. Towards the end of the month, to present, we’ve been on vacation – our 3-week break before starting our new school year. It’s been nice! Normally, we have a ton of stuff going on during the summer, but the last few weeks have been pretty low-key and I have been enjoying the break immensely.

Our first official summer-time thing was the Teen Social for June. We met at the movie theater and dropped the kids off to see Alice: Through the Looking Glass while the moms had lunch and a chat in peace. It was fun for us – not so much for the kids (though I suspect the enjoyed it more than they let on). In any case, this new ‘spending time with teens’ thing has been really great. We went for a long time without older kids in our homeschool group, and I am so glad we have that social time now! Self-care has been a big part of my routines lately, so I treated myself to the new Through the Looking Glass makeup palette from Urban Decay, and playing around with makeup looks from YouTube.

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We had a yearbook club meeting somewhere in there… I didn’t get pictures, but I do have a couple of screenshots from our soon-to-be-finished yearbook! I’m so excited about having these this year. We’ve looked at it before, but the idea never materialized. There are so many great moms in our group who are motivated to make things happen right now and I am loving it. Without their vision and take charge attitude, a lot of the ideas we’ve had as a  group would still be just ‘plans’. Here’s a screenshot of the students’ page. We also have a family page for each family, and individual pages planned for our two seniors this year.

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Earlier in the month was Beaumont’s PRIDEFestival, and this was our third year to support the LGBTQ community locally. My organization, Whole Mothering Center, sponsored a kids’ area with a big bounce house (in princess pink), and we brought the kids out to help. Unfortunately, the weather was being typically Texas with sunshine for 20 minutes, followed by a half hour of torrential downpour, followed by sun, then rain, then sun… basically all morning long. The kids were *soaked* through and miserable for a little while there. The boys had plans with some friends around noon, but we ended up having to go all the way back home so they could shower and change before I took them to meet their friends. It wasn’t the best time, but it was definitely an experience to remember!

 

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Most of the next week was rained out – we had grand plans for a canoe trip, but with all the rain,the water was too high to be safe, so we ended up spending most of the week at home, trying to stay out of the rain.

Our Father’s Day was a lazy one. The kids and I bought all of Loverly Husband’s favorite snacks, and cards from each of us to show him how much we appreciate him. Our homeschool group is planning to host a co-op in the fall; one for high schoolers, and one for elementary aged kids, and the elementary co-op planning committee met earlier in the week. They had a Father’s Day craft for the little kids that was so cute – a tree with hand prints for the leaves. I brought it home for the boys – we missed out on a lot of those types of crafts, so I thought it would be funny to do and give to their dad… and it was! The boys’ hand prints are bigger than mine – they had trouble staying on the page!

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Our homeschool group has a park day planned for June 20th, but we moved it indoors since the weather is so awful – srsly, if you’ve never been to Texas, summertime is like trying to drink the air; it’s THAT humid. That’s why our school motto is ‘It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity’. Never has a phrase been uttered more often than when making and subsequently cancelling plans that involve any length of time spent outdoors.

We had a new opportunity come up this month for a few of the moms in our homeschool group. Our local Regional Educational Service Center offered a ‘Youth Mental Health First Aid’ course on the 21st. Their goal is to help parents and teachers and others who work with teens recognize some of the warning signs of teens in mental health crisis and train you to offer support until professionals can be contacted. It was an interesting course, and I am so glad we went. We each were given a certification and a book with more information on specific mental health issues. If you have the chance, look for a class near you through your local REC. Here’s a map if you’re in Texas. If you’re not in TX, the Great and powerful Google can probably help.

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On the 23rd was our annual trip to Moody Gardens. I didn’t get any pictures because I was very busy chillaxin’ in the sand while the kids were off doing whatever kids do. It was fantastic and relaxing, and I LOVE having older kids for stuff like this.CAM04186

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Though PeaGreen’s actual birthday wasn’t until the beginning of July, we celebrated a bit early with fried and a movie and sleepover. He’s 13 now – no more babies *at all* around here! I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, Loverly Husband and I make pretty cute kids, and I’d love to see what more of them would look like. But on the other hand, they’re turning into such amazing young men, and I can’t imagine starting over at this point.

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The end of June saw us doing a ‘career path’ field trip with the SETX Regional Planning Commission. The SETXRPC is a collection of agencies that do, literally, all kinds of things for the 3 local counties in this area, from social work to transportation to emergency services and more. It was really cool to hear the 3 presenters they chose talk about their jobs and how they got there; they all emphasized the importance of building your reputation as a young person, and networking through various educational and employment opportunities, which is something I am sure all of our parents do, but somehow that kind of advice carries more weight when it comes from strangers.
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We kicked off July with a full-family ‘stay-cation’, and our annual Independence Day Bash. Though Loverly Husband is back at work,  the boys and I still have another week of vacation left and I mean to make the most of it. I’ve been crafting; making DIY refillable makeup palettes (because spending $20 a pop on a z-palette is insanity) and being lured by the de-potting movement in the makeup world.

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I’ll have a high-school-homeschool planning post up soon, so be sure to subscribe and check back!
Hope your summer is rolling peacefully along!

Warmly,
~h


Bridging the Gaps: Is Homeschooling Enough?

bridging-the-gap-1aI’ve written about gaps in education before, but it’s been a while, so I thought I’d address it again; specifically the idea that public schools (or ‘brick and mortar’ schools, which include any style of schooling that involves a ‘school teacher’) provide a ‘better’ education, or a ‘more complete’ education than homeschooling can.

There are a couple of things wrong with this assumption – first and foremost is the idea that all b&m schools have the same educational goals and model and structure. It’s true that basically all b&m schools function very similarly, in that the children go to school and are taught by someone who (presumably) has extensive education in classroom management and state standards. But as far as the curriculum and even models of teaching and goals… those can be quite different, even within a single city or state. Even if the curriculum itself was standardized, the execution of the material is often left up to the individual teacher. What one teacher may consider ‘core’ might seem frivolous to another, and your opinion on the matter may still be different again. They may skip over things you consider to be vitally important in favor of information that you vaguely remember covering in school but ultimately had no use for at all as an adult and therefore consider useless.

Teachers are human and have their own areas of interest that may bias them; mine, for example, is ancient Egypt. I’m fascinated with the culture and religion of the time and we’ve spent a lot of time studying it! I could do a whole year of history/geography and social studies in Egypt alone. But while it’s extremely interesting (to me), it’s not the most practical thing to have a deep knowledge of unless your plan is to go into Egyptology (which neither of my children have expressed an interest in doing). This bias can play a positive role as well as a negative one. On the plus side, I’d rather my kids spend a year learning about a subject that their teacher is deeply interested in and knowledgeable about than just ‘cover’ a wider range of materials. There’s something engaging about learning from someone who is passionate about their topic that makes you more interested in it, too. And that interest could lead to various science and history related fields of further study…. but I digress.

Secondly is the mistaken idea that students in a b&m school are afforded more opportunities than homeschool students. When struggling with a lack of confidence in our teaching ability, homeschooling parents sometimes forget that a classroom teacher’s ability to teach is very often stifled by classroom management and school/state/federal policies that end up meaning that the lessons are taught to the weakest student’s ability. That means that if your child is among the more advanced in the class, or even if he or she is ‘at grade level’, she is more or less left to her own devices to advance her studies because the teacher is otherwise engaged with students who are struggling to get to ‘grade level’ and can’t work with your student individually. In fact, that’s a huge advantage that homeschooling has over any other type of schooling – personalized attention. If your student is at the other end of the spectrum, then all kinds of other issues start creeping in – from dealing with potential learning disabilities, potential behavioural issues to possible bullying and self-esteem issues. No one is inspired to learn when they ‘feel’ like they’re dumb. This is, in part, one of my major issues with the way schools are structured – students aren’t robots and they don’t all learn in the same way, at the same time or on the same level in each subject. Homeschooling addresses all of those issues, because you’re typically mastery-focused and not dependent on grades to get by.

My oldest starts high school this fall, and I admit I am struggling a bit with the idea. Well, that’s not entirely true; one minute, I struggle with doubt and anxiety, the next I can HOMESCHOOL FOREVER!!! I’m not sure if my wildly fluctuating confidence and lack thereof is a good thing, or a normal thing or what… but there you have it. On one hand, I know it’s a thing I can do. We’re mostly at ‘grade level’ except for spelling, and some things I feel like we’ve covered more than he would have gotten in b&m school. Still other things he’s gotten to do that ‘count’ are opportunities he never could have had stuck behind a desk for 9 months out of the year.

I think that for me, that’s the main goal: give my kids a good foundation and teach them HOW to learn. Teach them that learning is a lifestyle, and that ‘school’ isn’t the only way or place to learn. Another facet of my goal is to expose them to as many things as I can to prod their interest in learning more. They need the basics to understand the world around them and to know how to function within it, but that love of learning and being engaged in finding out more is something that will never be ‘taught’ from a textbook. Hands-on learning, getting out into the world and experiencing how the knowledge affects and enriches their day-to-day life – that’s what I want for them.

If you’re new to homeschooling, and struggling with a lot of these kinds of doubts – can I do this? will it be enough? am I depriving my child of a decent education? can he still go to college? what if this doesn’t work out? – and whatever other questions you have… remember: nothing is permanent. If you try homeschooling (or if you’re a homeschooler considering heading back to b&m school) and it doesn’t fit, you can change it. If you’re worried about doing it all yourself, take heart – you don’t have to! There’s a whole WORLD of support for homeschooling parents out there, from groups and forums online, to local tutors and programs your child can enroll in, homeschool co-ops, online high schools and more. It’s not always ‘all’ up to you.

Whether your child is college bound or not, and there’s a whole world out there that doesn’t depend on a 4 year college program to ‘make it’, if you strive to give your kids a good foundation, you’ll do fine even if there are gaps.

Warmly,
~h

 


June Update

juneThe last week has been a hard one for our family. My Loverly Husband’s grandmother passed away the day before Memorial Day, which pretty much brought our world to a stand-still over the last couple of weeks. Like many deaths, this was both expected, and sudden. She had been on hospice care for the last few months, but her decline went from gradual over the last year or so to a very sudden couple of days, and then she was gone.

This is, in many ways, new territory for my kids, and has been difficult to navigate as a parent, and even more difficult to navigate as a wife. She was the matriarch of my husband’s family, and the touchstone for all of his extended family on weekends and at holidays. I have no idea what the holiday season will look like this year without her there for the family to flock around.

The kids are adjusting well, for the most part. We like to stay busy, so this week has seen a return to relative normalcy, though I know they are still grieving. We’re taking it easy, but back to school again. We finished up our ‘school year’ work and started our ‘summer work’ this week. If you’re a new reader here, welcome! We school all year through rather than the traditional 9-months of school with summers off. Our schedule runs from January-November, with 6 weeks of school, followed by a one-week break. Even though we don’t follow a traditional schedule, the boys still fall into their proper grades (more or less; for convenience sake) beginning in the fall and ending in May. That means that LBB will start high school in the fall – eek! Stay tuned for a post soon about planning for high school and the associated stresses and headaches and anxiety that causes me. Our summer program is lighter than ‘school year’ work, partly because there’s more to do during the summer, and partly because I use summers to let them focus on strengthening whatever is weakest. This summer is all about math and spelling wound in and around trips to the beach, visiting friends who are out for the summer, birthday parties, summer reading club at our library and other goings-on.

The last few weeks have been pretty low-key. We’ve been home a lot, just sort of ‘nesting’ as a family, so this will be a shorter update on what we’ve done. This week has been the first time we’ve really gotten back into our regularly scheduled activities; today we met with our homeschool group’s yearbook committee, then the kids went to a friend’s house to swim – nothing fancy, which is a nice way to ease back into our normally packed routine.

I love this picture, because it shows the integration across ages that’s so great in our group, from pre-school through high school, they all hang out together. In this case, they got out the giant chess set and had a very intense round of games.

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Hope your summer is off to a smooth start!
Warmly,
~h

 


How To Be KIND to Yourself When You Clearly Fail At Life

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One of the things I have heard over and over again as a mom is ‘be kind to yourself’. For a while, I truly hated hearing it, because no matter how hard I tried, there were literally  hundred times a day that I thought I have somehow failed at life. I say ‘were’ like something has changed – and something has, but it’s definitely not that part; I still fail at pretty much all the things on a daily basis, and self-care has been my focus over the past few weeks (months? years??) because I am honestly that bad at it. Let’s not even talk about how many times every day I fail at being an adult… a mom… a wife… a daughter… and what does that even mean, ‘be kind to yourself‘? I mean, honestly. I live inside my head; I know what goes on in here and it’s often not deserving of kindness. I think uncharitable thoughts, I yell at my kids, I lose my temper far too often, I have no patience, I suck at keeping in touch with friends, I don’t call my parents as often as I should, I suck at housekeeping and hate cooking… the list of my faults is long and, because I am a writer at heart, very, very detailed.

It’s only been in recent years that I have even begun to start understanding and working through my issues to even understand the concept of ‘being kind’ to myself, much less apply it. I’ve written before about homeschooling with depression and anxiety, but as I said in that post, I’m still broken and struggling, every day, and it’s really damn hard. Despite all of my best-laid plans, self-care is one of the things I have a hard time managing, and even though I know how important it is to my overall health and mood, I still have to fight (with myself) to make me do the things I need to do. When I can’t even remember to eat regularly, or drink water when I am thirsty, it’s really hard to be ‘kind’ to the person who is actively doing the opposite of taking care of me. But I’m working on it, and here are some things I’ve learned:

1. Recognize that you’re doing your best in this moment.

Here’s a visualization exercise for you: Think about the most recent thing you did that you gave yourself a tongue-lashing for. Now take a look inside and find your inner child – that cute, mischievous 5-year-old you that still likes to pop bubble wrap and is still tempted to write on bathroom walls in public. Pretend like she did the thing that you did. Now talk to her like you talk to yourself. Now pretend that she is your sweet baby child, and someone else is talking to her like that. Did Mama Bear come out to kick ass and take names? If so, then you probably need to work on your inner voice.

Here’s the deal – just like we try to remember when dealing with our kids, we’re doing the best we can with the tools we have available to us in this moment. As you learn new and better tools, your inner critic is easier to hush up. I won’t say ‘silence’, because my inner critic will not be silenced even when all is well (which is why I ply her with wine and decent chocolate on occasion), but as you change the atmosphere inside your head, there’s less for your inner critic to latch on to. The learning of new tools isn’t a fast process, so don’t expect all of your changes to take place at one time. Simply recognizing that there are tools out there, even if you don’t yet know what they are, is a huge step in the right direction… which brings me to my next point:

2. You’re an ever-evolving work of art.

You know what? It’s okay not to have your shit together. We’re all learning new skills and tools all the time, and it’s okay to not know them all, or not know how to implement them, or not be sure that they’re the right tools for you. Even if you decide to implement some new things, it’s okay to struggle with getting it going well. Every day is a new day. You have the opportunity to begin again every. single. day. There isn’t a guarantee that every new thing you learn will be implemented forevermore and always. What’s the saying? ‘When you stop learning, you stop living‘. Being ‘in progress’ means that you’re not a static being. Some days will be better than others. Some days will be absolutely dreadful, but others will be phenomenal. Most of them will be somewhere between ‘really good’ and ‘not so great’, but there is opportunity and change in each of them. Some days, you’re going to cope better with the highs or lows than others, and that’s okay, too. It’s not ‘all or nothing’; like a great work of art, it’s a process – the (better, happier, more capable, adultier, better adjusted, successful) person you’re becoming is a work-in-progress. The important thing is that you keep making progress. It can be one step forward, two steps back… but even the Texas Two Step is going to take you all around the dance floor sooner or later. The direction you thought you were going may not be the direction you truly need to move in. As you learn more and make changes, your path will become clearer. It’s okay to resist that process, too! Eventually, you’ll get where you’re supposed to end up.

 3. No one else has their shit together either; some of them just fake it better.

 Don’t believe me? Text your BFF right now and ask her to show you Mt. Laundry, or her kitchen sink full of dishes, or whatever her secret housekeeping shame is. Or maybe it’s not housekeeping that is her (or your) downfall, maybe it’s something else… whatever it is, we all have one (or more) areas of our lives that just don’t ever manage to flow correctly. But, there’s probably an area in your life where you do feel competent and successful and put together, and you can bet that someone out there has seen you do The Thing and assumed from your obvious competence at The Thing that the rest of your life was similarly in order. My ‘thing’ is making it look good on paper. In practice, it’s a hot mess, but damn if I can’t make it spiffy in written format! It’s my gift.

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’, or something like that… whatever the actual quote, comparing yourself to someone else is never going to end well (unless you’re the obvious winner, in which case, <highfive>). But you know who I’m talking about; the person(s) that you always compare yourself to where you’re not the winner. It’s easy to make comparisons when you only have the visual and not a front row seat to the three-ring circus inside her head. Everybody is struggling; it’s not just you. Even the most zen mama you know has issues (and if she’s that zen, she’d probably be genuinely open to talking with you about hers and yours if you asked her). The point here is don’t let unfair comparisons be another bat that you use to beat yourself up. Use your inner voice for good, not evil… which feeds directly into the next point:

4. Start small… today; Right Now. 

Say something nice to yourself. I mean it – do it even if you think it’s hokey or whatever. If the only thing you hear in your head is negative commentary, then you’re never going to get out of the place you’re in right now. Being KIND to yourself means changing your thought patterns. The change starts with you, with your inner commentary. If you need tools, make affirmation cards – they don’t have to be fancy, they just have to say things that you need to hear. I made my deck in index cards with markers and glitter glue. I looked online and found things I liked and copied them, then printed them out and pasted them on my cards. Simple and effective.

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If affirmation cards are too ‘woo-woo’ for you, then enlist help to focus on the positive things you bring to the table. Make a pact with your best friend where you can only say positive things about each other to each other for the next week, or start a Secret Sisters gift circle in your group of friends that celebrates each others talents and mad skillz. Chances are, she needs it, too.

Whatever your preferred method of getting some positive thoughts knocking around inside your noggin, do it, and make it a daily priority. Self-care is so, so important to your general well-being. Carve out space for you to tend to YOU, and make that time sacrosanct. Be a little bit selfish; you’re worth it. Small steps add up to bigger ones. Taking even 5 minutes to meditate or commune with Nature or whatever your Thing is and making it part of your daily routine – even to the point of helping your children and family to understand that this is ‘Mommy Time’ and to respect it lays the groundwork for you to take bigger self-care steps in the future.

So tell me, what does ‘being kind to yourself’ look like for you?

Warmly,
~h


Thoughts on “I can’t Homeschool”

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Basically, yes, you can.

Ultimately, that’s the end result of my thoughts on ‘I can’t homeschool because…’. Whatever your objection, it can be overcome if the need is there. When it comes down to it, most of us homeschool because it is what’s right for our kids at the time. Or maybe what we were doing with/for them wasn’t working and we needed a change, and homeschooling is a step towards an as-yet-undefined ‘something different’; but either way, it’s usually because we want something better for our kids than what they were getting before. So yes; if the need is there, you absolutely can homeschool your kid(s).

But just for funsies, I thought I’d break it down into specific objections.

THOUGHTS ON ‘PATIENCE’

‘Girl… I don’t know how you do it. I have zero patience; I’d lose my mind if I had to be cooped up with my kids all day, every day!’

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten some variation of that comment. It’s frustrating to me, because I also have zero patience, and frequently wonder if I am, in fact, losing my mind. It’s also annoying to me, and probably to other homeschooling parents as well, because it implies that we have some kind of handle on things that other people don’t – and that assumption/implication is SO FAR from the truth that I just #literallycanteven.

I am not a patient person. I am, in fact, the living embodiment of Impatience. I am easily frustrated and frequently have to take ‘mommy time outs’ for all of our sanity. Having no patience is not a ‘reason’ that homeschooling can’t work for you. Knowing your limits, getting into better touch with who you are as a person and what you need, and incorporating that into your week is key. I say ‘week’, because ‘day’ isn’t always possible. Balance over the course of a week is much easier to gauge and maintain than it is to try to balance every day, and most of us can take a couple of hard days (even in a row) as long as we get some down time after that. Same in homeschooling.

Personally, I need time away from my family quite frequently. Even my Loverly Husband, whom I’ve dedicated my life to, bugs the crap out of me if we’re forced to spend too much time together – that’s human nature, and children are the very embodiment of ‘human’: selfish, compassionate, irritating, kind, argumentative, adorable littles copies of the person I see in the mirror every morning. I love them so much I could squish them into itty-bitty pieces and put them in my pockets… but they make me insane and I just need to escape them, and that’s okay. Headphones are a staple in our homeschooling day – for me, and for the boys. Headphones let us all be absorbed in the work we’re doing without distraction. It gives us ‘privacy’ in the presence of the others in the room. The kids have the entire house to school in; they don’t need to be under my feet to get their work done. They check in with me when they need help, or we work together if we’re covering new territory.

I also take needed ‘me’ time – writing group on Monday evenings, Mom’s Night Out and/or Brunch once a month or so with my friends, and even a lunch date most weeks. Involvement with our homeschool group is another way I pepper my day with conversation from other adults – both online and at weekly events. I volunteer/work, so I also have obligations that get me out of the house that aren’t related to my kids; so that helps, too. Which leads me to another objection:

THOUGHTS ON ‘I CAN’T BECAUSE I WORK’

I get it. Working a full-time job (or even a part-time job) makes homeschooling a little more difficult, especially with littles.  Working parents often feel like the task of homeschooling seems impossible or impractical for their family. If that’s how you feel, then you might be right for your particular situation. But it may surprise you to know that a lot of parents who homeschool also have 8-5 jobs outside the home. Most would say that it’s not the ideal scenario, but it’s far from impossible, even if both parents work.

If you want to homeschool, or need to homeschool for your kids’ sake, there are strategies that you can employ to make it work. Flex-schooling is one. Basically, flex-schooling is school that isn’t done in the traditional ‘school day’ hours. Evenings, weekends, holidays – that’s where a lot of school gets done. Depending on your childcare situation, you can send work with them to be accomplished during the day and review it with them in the evenings. If the kids are older, then some combination of that might work. Organization and planning are key when your time is limited. Better organization and better planning means that your time with the kids is well spent. Talking with your kids about what to expect and what is expected of them is also key. If they’re older, then they might need to step their game up a bit and be able to work independently or help younger siblings with their work.

Another alternative is to drop to one income. For many families, this isn’t feasible, but for some it will be. Do the math – many find that whoever brings in the lesser income if often only paying for the things necessary to maintain the second parent’s job – a second car/insurance/gas, childcare and food expenses. Eliminating those expenses often means that one parents can stay home, making homeschooling a more viable/less stressful option.

We’ve done various combinations of these things. We have only one income, and one car. I work, but it’s on a volunteer basis even though it’s a ‘real job’. Flexible school days and hours work well for us; even into weekends and the wee hours of the night, since I am not a ‘morning person’. My kids get their work for the week on Mondays, and turn it all in on Fridays (ideally). It doesn’t always happen like clockwork, but that’s the plan, anyway. We’ve tried other things, and will try new things in the future, I’m sure. We make it work!

THOUGHTS ON ‘I DON’T MATH’ OR OTHER PERCEIVED PARENTAL EDUCATIONAL DEFICIENCIES

Basically, if you have a high school education, then you are well qualified to tackle homeschooling K-8th. Some might extend that through high school; I say at least through 8th grade. That’s where all your basics are – reading, writing, and arithmetic, and we all do those things every day. So we don’t all have training on how to teach a 6 year old how to read – that’s okay, because we have THE INTERNET, with literally all of the knowledge of mankind at our very fingertips, including myriad videos posted by school teachers with strategies they use in their classrooms that you can adapt for use with your child.

Every homeschooling parent (and honestly, everyone who wants to know something, period) I know uses YouTube as their go-to resource for learning how to do a thing. From learning Klingon or Elvish to diagramming sentences to building a primitive shelter from mud and bamboo to explaining string theory…. it’s all there. Just because you are their ‘teacher’ doesn’t mean that YOU have to do all the teaching. Combine internet resources with the knowledge and skills and abilities of other homeschooling parents in your area, and you may be able to establish a cooperative learning group where each parent teaches to their strengths.

Last but not least, there are guided textbooks and curriculum. If you can read it, you can teach it. With ‘say this’ guides to just plain reading and learning along with your child – just because you don’t know a thing doesn’t mean that you can’t facilitate your child learning how to do it.

THOUGHTS ON ‘I DON’T HAVE SPACE’

If you have a kitchen table (or even a TV tray), and a bookshelf, then you have space to homeschool; and besides – who said homeschool has to take place ‘at home’. It can be ‘yard-schooling’, ‘car-schooling’, ”grandma’s house-schooling’, ‘park-schooling’, ‘library-schooling’ – wherever you are, your kid can learn. Yes, it’s nice to have 15 acres of property and an old barn that’s been converted into your own personal little school house, but if space is your limiting factor, then you need to think outside the 4 walls of your hacienda.

Honestly, we don’t even ‘school’ at the table or desks even though we have a ‘school room’. Mostly, it’s sprawled on the bed, or couch or in the car on the go, or in the yard when it’s nice out.

THOUGHTS ON ‘I DON’T WANT MY KIDS TO BE WEIRD’

NEWSFLASH: Your kids are already weird.

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Srsly though… yes, there are some people who are isolated and lack social skills. But you’ll find those people in public schools, too. That’s often more of a personality issue than an issue of where/how they were educated. Most homeschoolers are active in extra-curricular activities (sports, dance, martial arts), local community service activities, volunteering, and participating in classes offered during the day when most kids are stuck in school. Because homeschooled students are often interacting with the people in their communities, they’re not shy about walking up and striking a conversation with people of all ages. I don’t usually see the kind of uncomfortableness around the elderly, or scorn for younger kids among most homeschooled students that I know. High schoolers play with 5th graders and they’ll all talk with the janitor about his job and offer to help the lady put her bags in her car from the grocery store. Maybe they are weird – but this is the kind of weird I am totally okay with.

Socialization is always a ‘hot-button’ topic, but the rule comes down to this: If you don’t want your kids to be isolated hermits, then don’t BE an isolated hermit.

THOUGHTS ON ‘COLLEGE’

Did you know that colleges actively recruit homeschooled students? We’ve been doing this for 6 years now, and now that LBB is about to start high school, I have been getting emails from colleges all over the US, and even a couple in Germany who want my kids to enroll with them for dual credit courses. Many of them give preference to high school graduates who have gone through their programs when it comes to college admissions. Why? Because homeschooled students generally are interested in learning. They’re self-starters; motivated; driven; goal-oriented. Not every student, but the majority are. They’re not burned out on classroom activities; for many it’s a totally new experience. Because they’re used to working independently, they don’t have issues with getting their assignments done, and are more likely to actually read the material assigned and engage with the professor. Don’t take my word for it: Penelope Trunk,  Online College, Stanford Alumni, Alpha Omega, Tech Insider, MIT Admissions… the list goes on.

CONCLUSION

 

Here’s the deal – we all do what we think is best for our kids, within the abilities we have and what circumstances allow. All of us, which includes you and me and the neighbor down the street. My situation is different from yours, and the neighbor’s situation is probably vastly different from either of ours… and we’re all just doing the best we can. The choice to homeschool everything to do what what you think is best for your kids/family at this time and within what your current circumstances allow. I say ‘at this time’ because I know a great many homeschoolers who either went into homeschooling with the plan to put their kids back in a brick-and-mortar school at some point, or whose kids eventually decided that they’d like to return to school (or try it out if they’ve never been). I know others who have had to make some shifts in their family dynamic and plans due to circumstances beyond their control, and others who gave it a try and found that it wasn’t a thing they wanted to do… and all of that is both fine and totally normal, and completely within the norm of ‘homeschooling culture’, because it’s not ‘about’ homeschooling – it’s about doing the best you can, in any given moment, for your children and family as circumstances allow.

Homeschooling isn’t ‘for’ everyone. It’s not possible for everyone, or even desirable. But if you want to do it, then there’s very likely a way to make it happen. Don’t let the ‘I can’ts because…’ stop you!

Warmly,
~h


Mid-March Update

I thought that it was April that was supposed to bring spring showers, but this year, March is taking all the credit for rainfall. I’m sure you’ve probably seen it on the news; eastern Texas and western Louisiana are pretty much submerged at the moment. Interstate 10 was closed for several days at the Texas/Louisiana border due to severe flooding – in fact, I think at the time of this writing, it’s still closed. I’ve gotten quite a few messages and emails from concerned friends wondering about our safety. I appreciate your love and concern, but we’re well out of the flood zone. Luckily, everyone in our local group is also safely out of the flooded areas as well. Unfortunately, many families in our area have been affected though, and it’s nice to see the communities around Orange rallying to support those who lost everything. If you’re interested in helping, The Orange Leader has a couple of options, or you can donate to the Red Cross for the Texas Gulf Coast Region. Our local Humane Society also recently had a fire, and is accepting donations through their GoFundMe page.

This month hasn’t been all doom-and-gloom, though. Even though there’s been quite a bit of rain, it hasn’t had that much of an impact on our activities. Even so, we’ve missed a couple of things this month. It seems like the first of the year was a constant host of activities, but things seem to have leveled out just a bit lately. It’s been nice having a bit of a break. We needed the ‘catch-up’ time. I’m happy to report that we’ll start fresh this coming week with no make-up work! It’s been about 3 weeks since we’ve been able to say that. Unfortunately, I am having dental surgery next week, so we’re probably going to have to take an unexpected break to deal with that… but we’ll see what happens.

Earlier this month was our group’s art class. The book we’re using for the basis of the class is Discovering Great Artists by Kohl and Solga, which is a hands-on approach that we’ve been testing for the last few months. During the 6 weeks between classes, we study the artist, and at the group class, we watch a video or have a presentation on the artist and then the kids (and some of the moms too, if I am honest), attempt to create a work of art in that style. This month, our artist was Henri Toulouse Lautrec, and the project was an Event Poster. The lesson was great! I had no idea that he was responsible for the kind of advertising that was so popular in that time. It was also quite an interesting experience to cover an artist who featured prostitutes so often in his work with a group of kids. Le sigh…

 

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It was a super fun project – I get frustrated with the kids because they don’t put as much effort into it as I’d like to see, but what’cha gonna do? Art’s my ‘thing’, but I know it’s not theirs, so I try to rein it in. I’m actually not all that displeased with what they did (I just know they could’ve done better). LBB’s been on a Bob Ross kick lately, so it was nice to see that represented in his project.

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March’s Teen Homeschool Book Club was a lot of fun. The kids were supposed to read either a fiction or non-fiction book about Texas, in honor of Texas Independence Day, which is March 2nd. We visited the San Jacinto Monument earlier this month, which was fantastic, and bought a couple of books from the gift shop: Mirabeau B. Lamar, Second President of Texas by Judy Alter, and Davy Crockett: His Own Story by David Crockett. After hearing the boys flounder on their recitations for the book club, I am not sure if they actually did the reading they were assigned, so we’ll be going over those again, but afterwards, they got involved in the LONGEST game of Uno, ever… and loudest, too – at the library, no less!

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We went back for our second game of D&D, and our mission is going well! We’re getting the hang of it. It’s slow-going though (as I am sure it always is with newbies), and I so appreciate our DM’s patience and understanding with us as we learn/play. I have also discovered that playing any game with kids that is as involved as Dungeons & Dragons is can make for a very long evening. Between distractions, side conversations, snack breaks and bathroom breaks, even though we’re playing for several hours at a time, not much gets accomplished ‘in-game’. Even so, we’re making progress – slow- but measurable. We added a new player to this round, too – an orc!

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My very dear friend, The Hauswife, had her 30th birthday last week, Her husband contacted me about creating a custom planner for her, which was so much fun to work on! I had it printed and wrapped, and we threw her a surprise dinner party. I also made her a set of custom planner stickers so she can keep track of her life in style.

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We also had our third D&D game night. LBB ended up with a set of magical keys (that somehow disappeared when no one was looking), and PeaGreen was less than thrilled with my photo-documentation of his game-playing. We did manage to make it through a third battle, with our merry band in tact (barely). I think our DM is taking it easy on us! We added a new player this round as well, The Hauswife.

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I wanted to show off my newly-made dice box, too! I started with a small wooded box from the craft store. I used ‘ArtMinds square wood box (4.13″ x 3.942″)’ item# 10308297 at Michael’s. (I am not affiliated with them; that’s just what I used – I don’t get any kickbacks from them for linking to them or anything.) I found a picture of a mermaid that I liked, and re-drew it, then burned it into the wood with a wood-burning tool. I also found an art-deco pattern for the sides and front, and then burned those sections as well. Then I painted parts of the box with watercolor, and painted her tail with a glitter glaze to make it stand out. It holds a set of Chessex dice, as well as several loose dice and miniature figures inside quite nicely. It’s bigger inside than I’d have thought, and is perfect for storage as well as carrying things back and forth.

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The last thing on our list was our group’s Social Studies Club. Our country of discussion was Turkey this month, but we weren’t able to go to class. I did find this lovely little drawing though, and still wanted to use it, so I am adding it anyway. Istanbul-travel-illustration

Hope your spring is off to a lovely start!
Warmly,
~h


March Into Spring 2016

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Spring has well and truly sprung in our little corner of Texas. It’s warm; the trees are blooming (which means pollen absolutely everywhere) and I’m sneezing my head off. Good times! Despite the respiratory distress, the weather has been incredible. We don’t get many days that make you savor being outside, so when they come, we try to take full advantage. This month has been no exception to that goal.

We wrapped up February with a trip out to the Big Thicket. That’s a pretty big place, if you’re not familiar with it. The Big Thicket National Preserve covers over a hundred thousand acres, and features nine different ecosystems, making it one of the most diverse national parks in the US. Currently, they’re on a mission to restore some of the native flora to the forests, and one of the big projects they’re working on is Centennial Forest. The long-leaf pine is a slow-growing pine tree that once dominated the Big Thicket, and forests from Texas all the way to Virginia. Over the years, the logging industry has decimated the population on long-leaf pines. The effects on the forests here have been interesting. Something I’ve always noticed is that in SETX, we don’t really have ‘forests’ – we have ‘woods’ – densely packed trees, with tons of underbrush – you can’t just wander through the woods like you see people do through forests in the movies. I always wondered why that is, and one of the park rangers explained it in a way I’d never heard.

Basically, when the old growth is cut down, it allows faster growing trees and shrubs room and sunlight to flourish. The addition of houses, settlements and roads has also changed the way that natural fires helped clear the forest floor, and let slower-growing trees mature properly. Once those slow-growers matured, the canopy they create prevents the underbrush from choking out the forest. By using controlled burns, herbicides and volunteers to come in and plant long leaf pines and other slow-growing native trees, they’re helping to restore what will eventually become a more balanced natural forest here. I won’t live to see it, but my grandchildren and great-grandchildren might. It’s neat to think that we will have had a hand in that.

Our homeschool group went out with 19 people (kids and adults), and joined a group of Park Rangers and other volunteers to plant 800 trees. Afterwards, we had lunch, then went for a short hike through an area of the forest where they are testing different methods of underbrush control, from fire clearing, to herbicides and clear-cutting. It was interesting to see how much work and actual science is involved in the restoration process.

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We collect badges and patches from all over the place, and we got a special one for participating in the Centennial Forest replanting effort:
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One of the things we look forward to each year is Texas Independence Day. I know other states don’t take the whole ‘state pride’ thing to the level that Texans do, and it’s funny to hear about it from non-natives; when you’re born here, it’s just a thing you do, I guess. Because we live so close, we usually head out to La Porte to visit the San Jacinto Monument, which stands on the battleground where the Texas Army fought General Santa Anna and won the battle for Texas Independence. It’s interesting to hear the story every year – I always pick up new details (even though I’ve heard the story many times).

After the monument, we lunch at the park grounds in front of Battleship TEXAS, which is where the Texas Army encampment is memorialized. There are stone markers all over the battlegrounds, with key positions or events marked. One day, we’ll get around to attending a re-enactment of the battle.

The Battleship wasn’t part of the fight for independence; rather, it is retired from service after both World Wars. Since it’s on the grounds though, that makes it a logical second half of the day’s trip. The kids always get a blast out of messing with the ship’s guns – they’re massive, and surprisingly easy to maneuver. The gears and cranks are all exposed, so it makes the physics of movement a highlight of the conversation. After climbing the insanely steep ladders and steps to get to the higher decks, we went below, and below, and below – they’ve opened up several of the lower decks since we were here last time, so we got to see a lot of the engines and piping down in the belly of the ship that we’d never seen before. There are some really tight spaces – I don’t think I’d like to actually be a sailor if I had to be down there all the time.

 

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In other news, LBB got glasses! Since both Loverly Husband and I both wear them (and have for basically ever), it was surprising to me that neither of the boys needed them. He’s been complaining about things being blurry for a few weeks though, so we got him checked out and sure enough, he’s joining the club. PeaGreen decided to make a drastic change to his look, too, with bleaching and dyeing his hair. The bleaching process was pretty dramatic, but once we dyed it (purple), it’s pretty subtle until he goes in the sun; then it’s really bright!

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We’re wrapping up this week with our homeschool group’s Teen Social, which we affectionately called, ‘Mix Tape and Chill’. We had each of the kids send in a list of 5 songs, and one of the moms made a playlist on YouTube to play during the event. She made a list of all the songs, and gave a paper to each of the kids so they could guess which kid picked which songs. They competed for a GameStop gift card. Both my boys opted out of the contest; I have no idea why – that’s one of their favorite stores. Kids?

The theme for the day was ‘games people play’, and they spent the afternoon doing just that, from video games, to ‘lines and blobs‘, to the pantyhose bowling game, and wrapping up with LARP style sword-fighting, which ended up paving the way to planning a LARP-based homeschool PE discussion in our group’s discussion list for later this month.

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How’s your spring going?
Warmly,
~h


Attachment Parenting Tweens and Teens

ap tweens and teensPlease tell me that I am not the only one who has a child (two of them) who can go from perfectly happy and satisfied in every way, to profoundly miserable in 60 seconds flat! Since the boys have gotten older, we’ve been dealing a lot with the confusion of rapid mood swings while simultaneously trying to ‘use my tools’ to pinpoint the catalyst and resolve the issue – which is nearly impossible when you’re blindsided with it out of the blue.

When they were little, it was easier, I think.  I was used to thinking ahead – planning for meals, knowing that teething and asymptomatic/un-diagnosed illnesses might be suspect. As they get older, I think I’ve been taking it for granted that they can communicate well, and figuring that since they have a pretty wide range of vocabulary at their disposal, they will be able to articulate what they need.

Oh, silly Mommy.

I can’t verbalize my feelings half the time, and I have a hard time expressing what I need from someone. I guess I thought that this was a nature vs. nurture thing and was putting a lot of stock in ‘nurture’ and not enough understanding of ‘nature’. There are times when we’re in the middle of one of those ‘moments’ and I can’t help but laugh in sympathy – it’s like talking to myself. In any case, for a while there, we got into really good patterns of communication. Things were going to be smooth sailing from here on out, right?

But then come the hormones… and they throw everything out of whack. In a way, it’s like they’re pre-verbal again; they don’t have the vocabulary to articulate what they’re feeling, or the experience to recognize why they’re feeling like they are. And, of course, no one understands. I get frustrated with that claim, but honestly, even though I have been through it and have an inkling of the feelings of disconnection that those pre-teen years can bring, my own angsty teenage years are so long ago now that I don’t really remember how it felt to be right in the middle of it (except for the huge book of horrible, horrible poetry. I do have that embarrassing reminder).

So how to you cope with those moments where you’re running through your mental list of ‘fix-its’ and nothing is working?

Maybe it’s time to update your list. I’ve found that the best way to do that is to go back to basics. There are plenty of articles out there that cover the basics, both the tenets of attachment parenting, and reminders to do a mental run-down of what factors could be influencing a child’s behavior, such as hunger, over-tiredness, personal attention, physical activity, better nutrition – are they just plain bored? – that sort of thing. You’ve also got your unseen factors – pain, stress, on-coming illness – things that maybe even the child is unaware of.

But most AP articles have the same problem – they’re directed towards parents with babies and toddlers. As my kids have gotten older, it’s been increasingly hard to find AP style parenting advice for dealing with older kids. You might think that’s because by the time our kids get older, we’re got this whole parenting thing figured out – let me assure you that is absolutely not true… or maybe I just missed the handouts that day. In either case, here’s what I’ve learned, handing my own tweens & teens: all of those factors, from food to rest and possibility of illness and stress still matter. But it doesn’t end there, because tweens and teens are dealing with the hormones of puberty, and trying to figure out who they are, the world and how they fit into it.

So the question becomes, ‘how does AP translate to tweens and teens’? I found it helpful to re-frame the basic tenets of attachment parenting to fit our changing needs.

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  1. Prepare: When my kids were little, I would see these moms at playdates with the kinds of relationships I wanted with my kids. I talked with them, got book recommendations and asked questions. It’s no different now that my kids are older. I have ‘mommy mentors’ that I can talk with and bounce ideas off of, and get recommendations from that make this whole thing seem less daunting.
  2. Feed with Love and Respect: this is a basic tenet of AP, but I feel like it’s an important one. In January, we seriously cut out/down on processed foods and cut out almost all sugar. It’s been a really good thing for my family, and I am slowly seeing results, healthwise, in all of us. It’s about helping them see and feel the connection between what they put into their bodies and how they feel. Feeding with love and respect extends also to teaching the children to plan meals, go shopping and cooking. It’s not just about health, but simply sitting at the dinner table every night to re-convene as a family is a ritual that’s important to us.
  3. Respond with Sensitivity/Communicate Love: this is another one that I feel like translated very well to the older child. Just as it was hard when they were pre-verbal, if they can’t articulate their feelings or needs now, it’s my job to help them find the words or other means of communication to get their point across.  We use ‘love notes’ journals – a notebook that’s passed back and forth between me and each kiddo that we’ve been using for a long time. It’s a memento, and also an excellent communication tool when talking is just too much. Communication also means talking with them… family is a two-way street, so getting their input is important. I don’t have it all figured out, and they’re intelligent! They’ve often come up with ideas or alternatives that end up working very well.
  4. Positive Discipline: One of my favorite recent articles is from MindBodyGreen, called ‘How I Raised Teenagers Who Tell Me Everything Even When it’s Hard‘. One of the points that she makes that really stood out to me is that discipline at this age isn’t about control or even re-direction – it’s about communication. At this point, I feel like we’ve laid a good foundation; now it’s mostly refining and helping to build critical thinking skills. It’s easy to get frustrated or angry when they make (seemingly stupid) mistakes, but I know first-hand the damage that anger can do to trust; I don’t want that with my kids. My goal is to keep the lines of communication open; that can’t happen if their first thought is how they’ll be punished. She sums it up with 5 steps:

    Allow your children to have separate thoughts and values.

    Be curious.

    Get a life of your own.

    Deal with your own history and trauma.

    Learn to listen actively.

  5. Ensure Safe Space/Consistent and Loving Care: this kind of goes along with the above point, but also stands on its own. I have always felt that ‘home’ should be the touchstone for exploration. No mater where they go in the world, ‘home’ will always be here, me and their dad o matter where we live, ready to welcome them. That extends to helping them gain their independence, and also as a matter of having their own space and privacy within our home. Our home is/We are a safe space where they’re trusted, they’re believed, they’re heard.
  6. Use Nurturing Touch: I am not a ‘touchy feely’ person; when my kids were little and especially when they were breastfeeding, being ‘touched out’ was a constant complaint of mine. And yet I have a child whose primary Love Language is touch. I also found it to be an odd thing when my children no longer ‘feel’ like kids to me – they’re bigger than Loverly Husband at this point – the size of grown men! So making sure that there are plenty of hugs and ‘nurturing touch’ is an important element to their development. Finding the right balance here has proven more difficult than I had anticipated, making communication a big thing in this aspect as well – making my needs known, and listening to theirs is key in finding the right way to meet those needs.
  7. Balance/Focus on Simple Pleasures: I thrive on being ‘busy’. I love the constant buzz of activity. But I also need plenty of down time. So do my kids – maybe even more-so, since they’re still finding their place in the world. Taking time to spend one-on-one time with each of my boys individually has become a high priority in the last few years. Soon enough, they’ll be off to college or perusing their own dreams and plans, and I’ll miss having them underfoot.

So there you have it…. my updated take on AP as your babies get older. It’s not perfect; it will be interesting to see what changes are necessary in the coming years. If there’s one thing parenting isn’t, it’s ‘stagnant’!
What would you add?

Warmly,
~h


Mid-February Update

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Every year, I am surprised at how quickly January flies by. Here we are mid-February, and I am still honestly surprised at how quickly this month has flown by. We’ve been slightly busier than usual (and that’s really saying something).  Since I last checked in, we’ve managed to wrap up our first 6 weeks of school and are currently enjoying the last few days of our first official break. If you’re new, we follow a 6-on/1-off schedule. It’s true what they say about ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same’; the first time I ever heard about this kind of schedule for school was when our local ISD did a trial of it for a single school year. The original idea was that with a year-round schedule, the kids don’t get bored and burned out during the year, and don’t have a months-long break during the summer to lose half of what they’d learning, and the first 6 weeks of the new school year isn’t wasted on catching up. It was a great idea -so much so that it’s stuck with me and I knew that’s what I wanted to try when we started homeschooling. We started out with 6-on/1-off, and have gone through various revisions of it over the years, but we’re back there now and it’s working beautifully.

As I said, this is our off week, and I have to admit that as much as I love the busy schedule we keep, I have absolutely reveled in the last few days of being just home, home, home with few responsibilities (other than the bare minimum required to keep the children alive and basic hygiene requirements met). I even opted out of our homeschool group’s classes this week, which was actually a tiny bit painful, but I really needed the break. Next week, we’ll be back into the swing of things, full stop.

Over the last few weeks, it seems like we’ve been everywhere, seen all the people and done all the things! For the last few months, we’ve been volunteering with our local Atheists Helping the Homeless group, SETX AHH. This month was the largest turnout of volunteers since the group got started back in October 2015, and we were happy to be there to help. My boys, and some of the other kids in our homeschool group manned one of the tables, helping assist mean and women filing up their bags, and directing them to some of the organizers if they had questions the kids couldn’t answer. If your local area has an AHH group, we’ve found our group to be very kid-friendly (with a few FAQs that you might want to consider), and it’s a great opportunity to have the kids involved and actively working with the community.

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photo by: Yvette Michelle Portraits

photo by: Yvette Michelle Portraits

We try to mix our field trips up each year, and honor local and global culture when possible. Southeast Texas has a thriving Vietnamese community, and Chinese New Year is one of the holidays that the Vietnamese community celebrates each year. We celebrated the Year of the Monkey with a big picnic and craft day, followed by a dragon parade at the Tyrell Park Botanical Gardens.

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Afterwards, the boys and I met at the library for the Teen Homeschool Book Club that our amazing librarian, Ms. Robin, hosts each month. The boys read Call of the Wild by Jack London, for this month’s selection. One of the moms is absolutely always on point with refreshments, and brought cupcakes for the kids to decorate, both for Valentine’s Day, and with an eye towards something from their book. LBB’s cupcake is meant to represent Francois from Call of the Wild; PeaGreen seems to have ignored that directive and opted for an inside joke reference with the other kids. I don’t know what the joke is, but they all got a kick out of it.

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The boys also got to finish and present their Hawaii projects for our homeschool group’s social studies club. LBB talked about the Hawaiian Hoary Bat, with a drawn and painted diagram, and PG made a model of the Hawaiian Islands, and talked about island formation, and the volcanoes of Hawaii.

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In other news, one of the dads in our group offered to host a Dungeons & Dragons Tutorial for the teens in our group, so we spent a Saturday learning how role-playing works. It was really fun, and we’re planning to give it another go soon. I always thought that D&D and other games like that (that were non-electronic and social) were good for developing creativity and I am pleased to see the kids taking an interest. Valentine’s Day was pretty low-key, as usual; we’re not big on a lot of the holidays, other than a nod of acknowledgement, but we did head out to my brother’s for dinner that evening. PeaGreen has spent the last few days there, so LBB and I got to spend some QT together. Today’s festivities included lunch, a coffee date and a long drive to pick up my other kidlet.

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How’s your school year going so far?
Warmly,
~h

 


The Value in Superheroes

superheroesI actually started this post a while back, but it got lost in the drafts folder as I moved on to other things to write about. With the soon-to-be-released Deadpool movie, and the rise in popularity of other superhero movies targeted at grown-ups over the last couple of years, the topic of ‘superheroes’ and their appropriateness and value have again resurfaced, so I thought I’d revive it.

When I started writing it, Batman (The Dark Knight Rises) and Brave were just hitting theaters, and I came across a question in a homeschool forum or discussion list about the content and opinions re: ‘would/did you take your kids to see it’. I commented that we had taken PeaGreen and some of his friends to see Brave, all boys, all older than him (ranging from 9 to 11), and that all the boys gave it a big thumbs way up. The discussion on-list was awesome – not ‘judgy’, but informative, for both films; ‘XYZ is what is in the movie; it may disturb sensitive or younger viewers’, and with links to one of the sites that gives factual info about movies, like Kids-in-Mind.com. I thought I was doing OK. I presented my opinion and moved on, thinking nothing of it. Then I got a reply-to comment with ‘FACEPALM’ in all caps, and was confused. I am not sure what that meant, but it felt like disapproval. I couldn’t tell if it was disapproval for taking my boys to see what they thought was an inappropriate movie, or for taking my ‘boys’ to see a ‘girls’ movie… either way, it rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t care if you agree or disagree with my views; just because something is not okay for your family doesn’t mean that we have to go by the same ‘rules’.

That same evening, Loverly Husband and I took our boys to see Batman. I admit, after reading some of the comments, I was a little iffy; I briefly considered talking to LH about leaving the kids and bringing them to see something else later on, but ultimately decided that it was something we could live with and took them anyway. Later, I was thinking about it, and some points came to mind, so I thought I’d share.

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Superhero violence vs. real-world violence:

One of the main objections, oddly for both movies (Brave and Batman) was violence. I’ve read that as a culture, Americans are less ‘sensitive’ to violence than other cultures. I don’t know how true that is, but maybe there’s some validity to that. I do know that however ‘violent’, nothing in that movie was real. I also feel like, for the most part, movie violence serves a purpose. It’s part of the villain’s agenda; a step towards his ultimate goal. It’s never random, or just for funsies. This applies to most of the other ‘superhero’ movies as well. My kids know the difference between fantasy and reality. In fantasy, the bad guys do bad things, but eventually, the good guys always win. Even if it’s through multiple books, comics or movies, good always triumphs in the end. Contrast that with the real world: Good tried really hard, but the reality is that lots of criminals get away with their crimes. Lots of victimized families never get justice, and sometimes, even when we know that the accused is guilty, s/he gets off on a technicality. And not all crime or violence in the real world is ‘for’ something – it’s just random.

Do superhero films glorify violence? While it certainly makes the movie more interesting, glorify? No; I don’t think so. Even with the violence that is prevalent in the superhero genre, I think there is value in reinforcing the idea that ‘good triumphs over evil’… even if it isn’t always possible in real life. The starkness of the contrast between ‘fictional’ evil and real-world evil is evident in the news on a weekly basis. We’ve been watching CNN Student News as part of our curriculum for several years now, and even with the sanitized version of the news presented to children, there’s still a lot of really bad stuff covered – because that’s REALLY what’s happening in the world. Superheroes offer hope for the future – the idea that one person can, indeed, make a difference in the society they live in. Idealised? Sure – why take away the ideal?

Strong female lead characters:

Take Catwoman for example. In both the 1992 and 2012 version (I am totally not counting the Halle Berry version since that wasn’t really a superhero flick), Selina Kyle is/becomes a bad-ass woman who is not to be trifled with. She even saves Batman’s hide in a couple of scenes. She’s not the ideal version of a white-hat, but she isn’t a totally bad guy either, which is closer to how real villains are anyway. No real person, whether current or historical ‘public enemy No. 1’ is every a total bad guy. Even Hitler was an actual, real person with virtues as well as faults, and when we demonize ‘villains’ we forget that they’re real people. When I originally wrote this, Catwoman was on my mind simply because I’d seen her most recently, but now there are so many other strong female superheroes: Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Jean Grey, even modern fiction and Disney are getting on board the Lady Train with Brave and Frozen, Rey in Star Wars, Katniss in the Hunger Games and Tris in the Divergent novels. Granted, there’s still a ways to go before female superheroes and main characters get the recognition they’re due, but we’re (mostly) headed in the right direction and having females in positions of power and able to ‘save’ themselves and others without aid from a man is vital to the equality discussion.

Our real life ‘strong female leads’ are there, but they’re not nearly as visible or accessible as male leaders, and they only make up a fraction of the total population of leaders. It’s only in recent years that strong females have been seen as marketable, and therefore ‘allowed’ to be cast as the hero. Take the Jessica Jones TV series, for example (no, my kids haven’t been allowed to watch it). I loved it for one simple reason: men were presented in many ways like women are usually presented in television and movies – as accessories. I would love to see other film an television producers move in that direction. Seeing women as whole people and not merely as add-ons to whatever a man has going on would be just lovely.

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The truth is that we teach our kids about violence from the cradle. ‘Rock-A-Bye, Baby’ features a cradle in the treetops, falling with the baby inside (presumably to its death). ‘The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe’ beat her children soundly and sent them to bed hungry. ‘Ring Around the Rosy’ (if popular myth is to be believed) is a song about falling down dead from the Black Plague. Jack Sprat imprisoned his obese wife inside a gourd (though we’re assured that he kept her ‘very well’). Beloved children’s poet, Shel Siverstein teaches children that there’s a monster inside their nose who will bite off their finger if they stick it in too far or too much, and that it’s okay to sell your parents and order new ones. All of those stories and songs and nursery rhymes have one thing in common with modern day tales: fiction. Fiction, and hopefully parents who are there to help them make sense of the fantastical and separate it from reality.

So… maybe we’ll take our kids to see Deadpool, and maybe we won’t. Probably not. Yet.

Warmly,
~h


Juggling Act: Homeschooling & Work

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I’ve always dreaded the question, ‘do you know any homeschooling moms who work?’, mostly because I am never quite sure how to answer. I mean, yes, I know several moms who juggle homeschooling and a ‘real’ job – by that, I mean a job that requires the putting on of pants and leaving the house. But I never know quite how to relay my personal experience.

Bad Mommy Confession: I am a workaholic. I am always working. I don’t get paid for most f it, but I work every single day on something related to my business. It’s not even a ‘business’ in the sense of most businesses; it’s run entirely by volunteers – but it still requires a tremendous amount of time and effort to keep things running smoothly. This past week, we hit our 10th anniversary/birthday, and have been launching something new every day this week. It’s been exhausting to plan and put together and make sure everything gets posted on time! But it’s been absolutely worth it, and is so rewarding to see that my work, and the work of my partners and colleagues, is ‘for’ something.

So the question of ‘knowing’ any ‘working’ moms is always somewhat confusing for me. I balance home life and work life well some days, and others it seems like we’re all floundering. Despite the amount of actual work I’ve had on my plate this week, our homeschool work has gone pretty well. Our scheduled field trip to Galveston got rescheduled, so we had an extra day at home, and it was nice to have a bit of a buffer between events.

As for the ‘how’ of making sure everything gets done, we use a variety of pen-and-paper and techno-gadget tools to help me stay on track. For work, our administration team uses Facebook Groups to stay in touch and organized every day. We use Google Drive to share documents, and the group to coordinate events and meetings. We also have a once a week meeting in person to keep on-track.

Homeschooling is similar – our local group utilizes a Facebook group to organize and plan events as well, with multiple meet-ups during the week. Those events fit into our personal homeschooling schedule each week, and I try to organize our home days around those events and work events. That gives me a home-work-home-work-home schedule on a weekly basis (with minor alterations here and there). Our home days are longer schooldays, and more interactive, and my work days are the boys’ independent study days.

As I’ve said a zillion times in the past, my planner is my life. I used to keep multiple planners; one for personal/work, and one for school. Now, I keep them all in one. My homeschool planner is my own design (available for free here), and my personal/work pages are Passion Planner’s free downloadable page. I’ve also included various handouts that help me manage my mental health and mothering, and things like blog planners and other productivity pages. Seriously, it has all the things. Each week, I print out the boys’ lessons, and any worksheets or handouts that they’ll need and they’re responsible for getting it all done and turned in on Friday afternoon. We’ve been using this method for almost 2 years now and it works better than workboxes or any of the other methods I’ve tried. Every day, we consult the Bossy Book to see what needs to be done, or planned for during the course of the week, and make sure it gets done. That’s pretty much my method.

To re-cap the last couple of weeks, I ended January with a bang – a bunch of friends and I went to Junkin’ Gypsies and made pallet-wood signs. There were some truly gorgeous creations crafted that night; I went with a more simplified theme. Our house rules are iconic among our friends and I thought it was time to have them visibly posted.

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This week, we went to the Symphony of Southeast Texas’ Youth Concert, which featured Magic Circle Mime Co. We had a great time, and gathered the kids on the steps of the library for a fantastic group shot.

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Friday was our group’s monthly Teen Social. We had a Scavenger Hunt at Parkdale Mall. We split the kids into two teams, named for their team captains; Team J and Team V. LBB was on Team V, and PeaGreen was on Team J. They had an hour and a half of mall shenanigans, with cameras and video recorders to capture the fun. Afterwards, we went back to our house, loaded up with pizzas and cupcakes to wish one of our kiddos a happy birthday, and loaded all of the evidence onto the computer to see what all the accomplished.

Some of our favorites include the proposals to strangers, getting store clerks to tell them jokes, asking random people if they ‘know the Muffin Man’, and exploring the makeup counters at Ulta and Sephora!

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We need t work on LBB’s makeup skills…

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Not a bad close to our week, I’d say!
Warmly,
~h


Happy Holidays 2015

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The last couple of weeks have been packed to the gills with ‘end of the year’ goings-on. I generally have a rule of sorts – I am a doula, but I don’t take birth clients who are due during the month of December, but I talked to the sweetest mama back in the summer and when we signed her contract, it didn’t occur to me that her due-date was smack in the middle of the month – usually my busiest month of the year. We purposely plan for December to be school-free just because it’s always SO busy. But, it all worked out – she had her beautiful sweet new baby a week before her due date, so that made the rest of the month stress-free. I celebrated with a glass of red – and a toast to the last baby of the year for Whole Mothering Center!

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Next up was our homeschool group’s Christmas Party. We’ve had quite a few of our group parties at the same park, and the pictures always turn out great. We had a nice-sized crowd, and tons of food. Each family brought a game, and the kids played the game where they got to steal a prezzie, or open a new one. The older kids loved it; some of the littles had a hard time with the concept, poor things. But it all worked out, and everyone left happy.

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The big event last week was, of course, the premiere of STAR WARS VII! No spoilers – but it was really good; surprisingly so. I was pleased. My Loverly Husband decided we should go at the last minute, and I was so worried the we’d get there to find tickets sold out, but we waltzed right in, got great seats and enjoyed it immensely. My other fear was that fellow movie-goers would be talkish or otherwise obnoxious during the film, but the theater was quiet and it was an all-round excellent experience.
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Over the weekend, my friends and I got together for what we call ‘Friendsmas’ – another gift exchange with the stealing game; I left with a plum colored scarf and gloves set, and PeaGreen left with a game called Exploding Kittens, which is a game ‘for people who are into explosions and kittens and laser beams’, apparently. It’s created, in part, by the guy who writes The Oatmeal, which we love, so I anticipate great fun to be had by all at our next Family Game Night.

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This week has been just as busy. We started off with a bang – Monday was our homeschool group’s monthly Park Day, and we are starting an art history/art class in 2016, so we had a planning session for that while we were together. I’m really excited about that; we’re basing the outline on Discovering Great Artists, and holding class every 6 weeks. We’ll cover history, biography and create a work of art based on that artist’s style.

We try to do Family Game Night a couple of times a month. We got to try out Exploding Kittens, which made PeaGreen’s night. We had a mixed bag of reactions; PG, of course, loved it. LBB was iffy (only because he lost a round) and Loverly Husband and I both give it 3 out of 5 stars. It was fun, easy to play (after you got the hang of it, and a few rounds under your belt).

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Christmas Day was great – lots of smiles and happy kiddos. After prezzies, we went to visit family, then the kids and I met up with some friends from our homeschool group and other volunteers with South East Texas Atheists Helping the Homeless for their Christmas Day Caravan. We loaded up blankets, coats, hats, gloves, scarves and personal items, along with bagged lunches, hot chocolate (and lots of iced bottled water since it was 80 degrees out), gift cards and wrapped presents to hand out. We had 10 cars, with nearly 30 volunteers and drove to several places where the homeless in our community gather to hand everything out. It was a great experience!

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SETX – AHH Caravan

We had a great week, and a lovely holiday – hope you did, too!

 

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Happy New Year!
Warmly,
~h

secthurs


I Was Homeschooled and I Turned Out Okay

I don’t know if I’ve talked much about this before, but I am a homeschool graduate. I was in public school through 9th grade. Our freshman campus was separate from the senior high school, and when my mom saw the newly erected 6′-plus, barbed-wire topped fence go up around the senior high school, she decided that any place that needed a barbed-wire wrapped fence to keep the kids in (or criminals out) was not a place that her 15-year-old daughter needed to be. I remember that. Yes, it was pretty much exactly that wording.

She withdrew me after 9th was over, and I started homeschooling in 10th grade. After a few weeks, she decided to withdraw my sister and brother as well, and homeschooled us from that point on. My mom did a mix of things with us (which is probably where I get my eclectic outlook from), and she also organized our local homeschool group. My sister and I (and several of our cousins, and many, many of my childhood friends) graduated from American School of Correspondence; an accredited correspondence high school. When my brother got to high school, he opted to take the GED exam so he could start working with our dad. That was a ‘questionable’ decision, according to many, but it was the best option for my brother then, and one my parents still defend.

I’ve seen questions raised recently about how homeschoolers function in the real world, with comments like ‘not being ready socially, or educationally’. I’ve seen negative comments regarding college preparation and homeschooling parents called out for denying their kids the ‘high school experience’. Some of the accusation is ludicrous; the repeated and consistent admission of homeschoolers to virtually every college, from Ivy League to local community colleges, makes it clear that not only are homeschoolers adequately prepared, they’re often more prepared for college studies than their traditionally educated counterparts. As far as social preparedness, I find that, overwhelmingly, homeschooled students are open to and able to communicate socially with all age groups, in almost any setting. They seem to do just as well as students who graduate any other way, if not better.

Since graduating high school, I’ve worked a variety of jobs that have been in line with what I wanted to do or had previous experience with, mostly secretarial and office management type jobs. I like organizing things and scheduling and making sure things run on their proper time and place, so that was a good precursor to what I do now. I’ve worked as a full-time nanny, waiting tables, and other small jobs here and there. Since I’ve had children, I’ve taken classes and workshops so that I could start working as a lactation counselor and doula. In those roles, I’ve worked with new mothers and learned how vital a woman’s network of support is to her success in reaching the goals she sets for herself. To that end, I’ve started several local organizations, some more successful than others, and worked pretty consistently with the same business partner now for almost 10 years.

I’d say that’s a pretty good turn-out. Nothing truly spectacular; a pretty ‘normal’ life, I think. I don’t know how much of what I’ve accomplished can be attributed to homeschooling, per se. I do know that some of the opportunities I’ve had would not have been feasible if I was in a classroom setting; travel, mostly, but I do think that being encouraged and allowed to work and move at my own pace, and to pursue things that interested me rather than being told what and how to study, helped. Could I have accomplished the same thing if I’d stayed in a brick and mortar school? Yup. Would I have gone to college? Maybe; that’s hard to say and complicated due to several factors. The religion of my childhood discouraged secondary schooling, but allowed trade schools, or courses to help you gain employment. I never felt like college was ‘in my future’, but if I’d pushed for it, I probably could have. Even now, it’s not ‘too late’; I’m quickly reaching the point where my kids will be graduating high school themselves, and I’ll be re-inventing myself yet again.

As a homeschooling parent, obviously, I feel that this is (at present, and while reserving the right to change my mind in the future) the right choice for our family. But being a homeschool advocate doesn’t make me blind to the advantages of public school – and yes, despite what some homeschooling advocates may say, there ARE some advantages to being in a brick and mortar school.

I actually started working on this post back in May of last year, when my BFF’s son graduated high school. We went to his graduation ceremony, and was I struck with some interesting feelings. His school is a small one; their graduating class had only 19 students. That’s an *amazing* teacher:student ratio, and the closeness of the senior class was readily apparent. They had fun together, and the speakers mentioned several times that they made this journey together. They spent 4+ years as a class, day-in and day-out. I’m sure there were squabbles and personality conflicts, but overall, the class flowed as a unit, and I can only imagine the bond that some of those kids will have that stems from such a small class size. As I was listening to the students talk about their classes, their classmates, and most importantly, their teachers, I was surprised to feel sad that my kids were not going to have this – the experience of learning with their peers, from a variety of teachers (with different methods and styles and ideas). As many advantages that homeschooling has, there are some things that a homeschool environment can rarely emulate. That’s not to say that things like a structured co-op or a dual credit class can’t offer, but the consistency and familiarity that a small school like that has is enviable.

On the other hand, I start considering how few people from school, no matter how close we were while attending school, are still part of my life: a handful only, and most of those relationships were established well before school started. The one exception is my Loverly Husband, whom I met in Kindergarten. You might say that we’ve maintained a close friendship. But even those few that I felt close to in high school have moved away and developed lives that just don’t interconnect with mine, which is as it should be. School fosters and artificial closeness that’s not generally maintained outside of that environment. Even with work, you may change jobs may times, and co-workers, many times over the years. It’s sort of comparable, but as an adult, you have more options and choices than you do as a child.

I’m happy to say that since then, our homeschool group has gained quite a few older kids, and we’ve developed several clubs and programs that engage the older kids and meet their needs better than we had previously. It’s hard to focus on any age group that’s not one your own kids are part of; since I didn’t have teens, I wasn’t as focused on that age group. It’s amazing what difference a year and a half makes! More and more, I am seeing these same kinds of bonds developing between my kids and their friends, and I’m happy for them that they have that sort of similar bond with their peers. We haven’t ruled out returning to school in a couple of years, thought it’s been my plan for a while to continue homeschooling through graduation, who knows what the future will bring.

In any case, I wanted to post this for a couple of reasons. Mainly, to illustrate that homeschooling parents (and graduates) don’t see their experience as something that’s going to launch them into the realm of riches or any particular special status as an adult. At its core, homeschooling is just another way to assimilate the basic information one needs to be a productive, functioning adult in the real world. There are homeschooling students that are spectacular and just as many that are completely ordinary, just like there are in other forms of school. Secondly, to point out that homeschooling parents also understand that there are limitations and drawbacks to their choice. We’re not blind to the fact that this is just another option, with pros and cons, just like every other option. At the end of the day, do what works best for your family, right now.

Whatever you decide to do, your kids are going to turn out just fine.

 

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my graduation photo – 1995

Warmly,

~h