Homeschooling: It's not what we do, it's how we live.

Posts tagged “raising responsible adults

May Flowers – Spring 2017

I can’t believe it’s May already! When I was a kid, May meant ‘summer’ in full force, but it seems like over the last few years, it’s been cool well into May. This year has been no exception to that; the daytime, though warm, has been lovely. Mornings and evenings are darn near perfect. If I could bottle this weather and keep it forever, I would. I keep trying to convince Loverly Husband that we could move to some place where the weather’s like this all year round, but so far no dice. Ah, well… maybe some day!

In the mean time, we’re making the most of spring! We’ve been eating dinner on the patio – well, I call it the patio. That’s a generous term, I know. We once had a covered carport, but hurricane Rita carried it away and we never replaced it, so now it’s just a concrete slab where we usually park my car. Loverly Husband has a giant work truck, so he doesn’t park on the slab, leaving the whole right side of the slab open… for my table, chairs and plants (now). It’s turning into a lovely little space that is shaded well in the afternoon due to the trees that are on the fence line between us and the neighboring house (which was once my grandmother’s, before she moved to Longview). In any case, it’s nice to have an outdoor seating area, and dining area, whatever you want to call it.

 

In between our outings, the kids have been doing more in the kitchen. Cooking is not my ‘thing’, so they have had to learn to experiment with foods and cooking to figure out what they like. They’re pretty intuitive though, and even offer to cook dinner for the family on occasion. PeaGreen’s favorite things to make are Corn Casserole, and (Easy) Chicken Alfredo. LBB is more of a ‘fix something to eat’ over a ‘prepare a meal’ kinda guy. Hopefully he’ll either learn to cook more things or find a partner who loves to cook!

As always of late, music practice dominates our days and week. We have a seat test for orchestra once a month, and this time around, we only had the music for a single week. Not only that, but some of the songs required notes or position shifts that were totally new, that we also had to figure out for ourselves. It’s the kind of move that, as a teacher, I wholeheartedly approve of. But as a student, it was harrowing. I didn’t do as well as I’d have liked; I still got an A, but I feel like I could have done better. The boys also were disappointed with their performances, both receiving B’s, but in context (first year students with no prior music experience; new notes; brand new music; a long piece; with only one week of practice), I think they did well.

We played The Sound of Music for our test. Oh! That was the other thing; we were given THREE pieces of music; The Sound of Music, Fireflies, and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head, and told that the test would come from one of those pieces, so practice all three.  We didn’t know which piece we’d be playing until the day-of, about 15 minutes before the test. So yes, adding that factor in, I’m overall fine with everyone’s grades.

In our homeschool co-op, the kids are taking a class on Teen Mental Health. They’ve had a semester-long project to work on that is coming to a close, and each week has been focused on a distinct method of awareness or coping with life and self-care and maintaining good mental health or managing mental health issues. To help focus on living things and the slowness of thought that comes with managing plants (and relaxation that many people find), the kids made succulent and cactus terrariums. In addition to the little plants and moss and rocks common to this style of container, the kids brought a variety of little trinkets to put into their containers.

LBB’s echevarria variant with moss and glass beads

PeaGreen’s cactus and succulent with Zelda

In our art class, we started art journaling to explore mixed media art.

And just because this was such an enjoyable little evening, here are some pictures we took when my dad joined us for dinner on our little patio (and more pictures of my plants, because they’re making me super happy these days). He said that this was the first actual ‘dinner’ he’s had since my mom died. Apparently he’s also more of a ‘fix something to eat’ type. That’s kinda sad, because he used to cook dinner fairly often, but Sunday Breakfast was his specialty throughout my childhood. He even had a special Tupperware container that lived on top of the refrigerator with his secret, proprietary mix for making homemade buttermilk biscuits. He and my grandfather and brother used to deer hunt every fall and winter as well, so homemade deer sausage was always on the menu… with eggs of some kind and coffee. I miss those days.

We went to McFaddin Ward for ‘Manners Mater’, a social etiquette class for one of our homeschool group’s Teen Socials. We’ve been having two each month lately, and the kids are enjoying it. The kids dressed in a variety of styles of clothing, from ultra casual to business casual (we couldn’t get them into formal wear, lol) and performed skits to help identify polite behaviours and impolite behaviours. We actually went to the museum first, because I wasn’t sure where our class was going to be at, so I got a couple of pictures of the boys on the porch while we waited. We’ve been homeschooling for almost 7 years now, and haven’t been to the museum yet. We’ve been all around it, at the carriage house, in the visitor’s center and on the grounds, but never actually inside. ‘Gotta do that, H.I.’.

Afterwards, we celebrated Cinco de Mayo with lunch at Elena’s Mexican Restaurant. *so yummy*.

.

Afterwards, we had music lessons (because Friday). PeaGreen worked on his piano solo, and LBB practiced violin. He was going to add guitar, but opted to stick with one instrument for now. I don’t blame him; finding time to practice two isn’t easy. Our homeschool group’s ‘end of the year talent show and recital’ is coming up the first week of June, so we’re all in preparation/practice mode. PeaGreen is planning a performance with two of his friends in addition to his solo and playing with the orchestra. He’s working hard!

Here are the books we’re using for our piano class, in case you were wondering.

Overall, a busy and productive few weeks, as always. Stay tuned for another update soon!

Warmly,
~h


13 Reasons Controversy

It’s been a while since I’ve come across something in the homeschool world that makes me sit up and take notice, but this is one of those things that compelled me to write about it. There’s a new series on Netflix that you may have seen. It’s called 13 Reasons Why, and it’s based on a YA novel of the same name by Jay Asher. It’s about a high school girl who commits suicide, but leaves behind a series of audiotapes intended to be passed around to the people she holds responsible for her death.

**general spoiler warning** If you haven’t read the book or watched the series and don’t want details, you should probably stop reading this post until after you’re read/watched it. 

Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

Apparently, there are a lot of feelings about this series; A LOT of feelings. From the outset, I’ll say unequivocally that material that sparks discussion about mental health, depression, bullying and other issues that teens (and young adults) face has a place in the public eye, period. Even more-so if it engages teens, who tend to be most at-risk for suicide. Whether you agree, disagree, like it, hate it – whatever: discussion about topics that we, as a culture, tend to file under ‘taboo conversational topics: Do Not Engage!’ is a good thing. It’s a necessary thing. And it’s about damn time.

Full disclosure, I’ve watched the series; I have not read the book. My children (13.5 and 15 at the time of this writing) have neither read the book or watched the series*, but both said that they ‘might’. I’ve told them that it’s fine if they do; to let me know if/when they do so we can talk about it. I also gave them a synopsis of what it’s about, gave a warning about graphic rape scenes and drug/alcohol use, and mentioned that there are things that Hannah (the main character) says, thinks and does as a result of disenfranchisement/bullying/potentially undiagnosed and untreated depression that aren’t ‘reality’; and that we need to talk about it during and after they watch it. We don’t generally censor what our kids watch; I’d rather know what they’re watching so we can decide if we need to intervene or talk about it than have them sneak around watching things behind our back. We’ve set standards for them that have gotten more permissive as they’ve gotten older; I don’t think we let them consume anything that isn’t age-appropriate. You may disagree, which is why if my kids come to your house, they’d have to follow your rules (or the lead set by your kids, which may be very different from your ‘rules’… but I digress). And before you lose your mind over that, we a) have developed trust with our kids based on communication and experience and will continue to base our decisions and permissions on that trust; and b) can still monitor when we feel the need to, because parental controls and history/system checks on media are a thing that exists and we reserve the right to record and check as needed. Also, to clarify, I am not advocating either watching or avoiding the series for its own sake. If your child is talking about it; if their friends are watching it, then I absolutely advocate watching it, because chances are your child will see it one way or another.

In any case, my point is that we talk about mental health issues fairly often in our house. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (major depressive disorder) in 2006, and with severe generalized anxiety disorder in 2011. I take medications, supplements, use tools like apps, meditation practice, journaling and a focus on self-care as part of my management plan. They’ve seen me manage my own mental health issues and heard me talking about it with others a lot. Along with some of the other moms in our homeschool group, I went to a teen mental health first aid course and got certified as a ‘teen mental heath first aid practitioner’, and our teens are participating in a semester-long mental health course through our homeschool co-op, using curricula and resources from TeenMentalHealth.org and other similar sources. I say all of that to tell you this very scary fact: seeing and knowing and doing all that doesn’t make my kids suicide-proof. That’s hard to read; it’s hard to admit. But it’s the truth. I’ll come back to this in a bit.

The reason I started writing this post is because, like many homeschooling parents, I’m in quite a few internet support groups that focus on homeschooling. It’s generally helpful, and sometimes I learn new things there, or find tidbits of new information that I want to use in our school career. other times, I come across things like this:

 

Okay, fine. You don’t want to watch it, then fine. But let me tell you this: if your kids want to watch it, and their peers are watching it, then even if you think it’s ‘poison’, then you should damn well be watching it, too. If for no other reason than because you should be informed of what’s going on in and around your child’s world. Changes are, if your kids’ peers are recommending it, then your child is going to figure out how to watch it, with or without your approval.

And hear this: if your opinion is so strongly negatively stated, do you think that your kid is going to come to you to talk about what they saw if they watched it without your permission (or in spite of being explicitly told not to watch it)? Nope. So your precious snowflake is going to be left alone to figure it out, or have only the influence of his or her peers to guide how they process the show. Not only that, but as a parent, you’ll miss out on being able to clarify the points that need to be made throughout the series about how Hannah could have made different choices, or how her friends could have, or what your child’s options are in different scenarios.

And then there’s this, which makes my eyes want to roll right out of my head.

ARE YOU FRIKKIN’ KIDDING ME?? Also, it’s extremely bad form to tell a parent who literally has experience with this situation that it’s not reality when it is very much their reality. I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to have your child survive a suicide attempt. I can imagine it would be harrowing, and that you’d be on red-alert all the time. To have your child attempt it again? I can’t even imagine that kind of pain and stress and anger and hopelessness.

To their credit, the moderators of that group very quickly deleted that comment thread. The post itself is still up, with decent discussion both for and against allowing/encouraging/discouraging (and some outright forbidding) students to watch, and decent discussion about whether the series addresses teen suicide and bullying appropriately or not. The discussion was relatively civil and productive, with good points on all sides.

From the message thread, the article lists these reasons why ‘not’ to watch (edited for clarity):

  1. This show was overly graphic. …  These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.

  2. The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself.

  3. The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.

  4. They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. ….  the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die?

So, obvious warnings are obvious; Netflix rates the show as TV-MA, and included content warnings on the episodes that have the most graphic content. The author of that post’s child is in 6th grade… so, not 17… but she may be mature enough to handle watching the series with her mother nearby; that’s a decision that each parent needs to make. I don’t necessarily disagree with the author’s assertions in the context of her particular child. But to give all parents a ruler by which to measure their own children is ridiculous.

But to take this one point at a time… first, I don’t think it was overly graphic for the audience intended. As mentioned previously, the rating is TV-MA. It’s more subject matter than content that garners the warning. There’s no nudity; they do a damn fine job of conveying the horror of one girl (Jessica) being raped while under the influence of alcohol, and of (Hannah) witnessing it but being unable to say or do anything to prevent it due to her own trauma without being, in my opinion, overly graphic. They didn’t rush through it; they didn’t gloss over it; they didn’t give you an out as a witness to what was happening, either visually or audibly. You, as the viewer, endured it with them. Not only that, but you were flashed back to it at different points – just moments or glimpses – but the trauma is revisited over and over again, unpredictably…. just like in real life. That, to me, is one of the biggest arguments FOR watching it – exactly because of how well-done this particular aspect of it was. Not only that, but in the production commentary (the last episode of the series), they specifically talk about how Hannah never said the words ‘no’, or ‘stop’ or anything, really, when she was raped. It was clear that she did not want to have sex, but she never said no. That makes a conversation about ‘victim blaming’ necessary. Talking about it is one thing. Seeing how it happens is another. Was it rape if she didn’t say no? After seeing it, it’s painfully obvious that she was, in fact, raped. In some religions, because she didn’t scream, or say no, she is considered guilty of fornication. That scene puts an entirely different face on that circumstance, and is fucking *necessary* if you’re a young woman growing up in a religion that teaches that.

Secondly, you don’t need to give kids a ‘how to’ guide to commit suicide. If it’s on their minds, then they’ve already thought of it or imagined it or planned how they’d do it. I was about 12 the first time I ever thought about killing myself, and by 14 I had a concrete plan. I was raised in a pretty strict household as far as what we were allowed to watch – nothing rated R, no horror movies, nothing overly sexual or violent. I never needed anyone else to tell me what to do. I never got as far as an actual attempt, but  I didn’t need to be ‘influenced’ by outside sources. All those thoughts and ideas came from right inside my own head. Showing it isn’t going to ‘give them ideas’ or convince them to ‘give it a try’. That’s a huge myth, and yet it persists because people – parents – don’t ever want to face the reality that kids have very real pressures in their life and may lack the tools to deal effectively with them. A further truth is that some teens have mental health issues that are undiagnosed.

Today’s kids, younger and younger every year, are under an enormous amount of pressure. Their brains do not work the same way that adult brains do; they process information and experiences differently than we do, and they lack both life experience and time to understand that what they feel today isn’t going to last forever. As an adult with depression, I can tell you that in the depths of a depressive episode, even with life experience and the clear understanding that those dark feelings don’t last forever, sometimes forget it. That’s why depression is an illness – because it messes with your brain. Not talking about suicide because you ‘don’t want to put ideas in their head’ is stupid and reckless. By the time I was 18, one classmate and 1 friend had committed suicide, with several others hospitalized after suicide attempts…. and this was back in the 90’s.  Now, there are things like cutting and other forms of self-harm. It’s a real thing. Real kids do it. Your kids might do it. My kid might do it. We might not necessarily know about it. Again – there’s that scary place to think about – that our child might be in pain and in harm’s way. But avoiding it doesn’t make it go away; it makes it more dangerous.

Here’s something it’s important to understand about suicide: people don’t do it because they’re healthy and thinking clearly. People who commit suicide see death as the only way out. Out of suffering, of being a disappointment or a burden on others (friends and family), out of the confinement of struggling every day just to live. I also think it’s important to understand that unless you also struggle with depression or anxiety or another mental illness, you can’t know what it’s like to reach that point; to get to the point that thinking or feeling like ending your life is the only way to be free. This is probably one of the best images I’ve ever seen that illustrates that feeling – everything is so awful that death looks peaceful in comparison. But, because of the stigma that depression and mental illness carries, it’s incredibly hard to talk about. That’s okay; talk about that, too. Tell your kids that you’re scared for them. They need to know that.

The third point is an idiotic one, imo. You begin the series knowing that the girl killed herself; but one can hardly tell the story without flashbacks. As the viewer, you get multiple insights to the story – Hannah’s perception as she tells it on the tapes; the recollections of her friends and classmates; and a ‘narrator’ view, which features Hannah in a somewhat less than ‘perfect’ view. I disagree that Hanna’s suicide was built up to in order to sensationalize it; I think the flashbacks gave a fairly well-laid out progression of the deterioration of Hannah’s mental state and circumstances that led to her making the decision to kill herself. Starting off with the suicide scene, or downplaying it wouldn’t make sense. I think showing it the way that they did was appropriate; it was graphic and horrific and terrifying and lonely and sad – everything that suicide is. This feeds into the next point – they didn’t glamorize her; quite the opposite. I saw a bunch of people who gave lip service to mourning a girl they barely paid attention to when she was alive. That’s not glamorization; that’s tragedy. Her life didn’t have meaning after she died; her life ended. That’s what death means – you’re dead. No more life to live; no more chapters to your story.

Here’s what I saw, first and foremost: I saw a lot of kids with a LOT of problems, and mostly absent or distracted parents. I saw a lack of communication; a lack of courage (courage to speak up when you see something that you know is wrong, to defend someone else, to start a conversation, to say the thing you want to say, to have a voice at all); a lack of trust and confidence in the adults in the kids’ lives. I saw obvious warning signs (drinking, drug use, heavily tattooed under-aged teens – you don’t get those from hanging out with fine upstanding citizens… because it’s illegal) that no adult acted on. There are SO MANY things to talk with your kids about… for me to talk with my kids about.

I think Hannah is responsible for her own death. She kept things to herself when she could have talked – at any point – to the people around her. If not peers, then adults. She felt like she didn’t have options, and that’s where the adults in her life failed her. But it wasn’t a one-time thing; it was systematic. It was something that went on and on for a long period of time. Her parents were distracted by real problems, but they were distracted nonetheless. Her friends also had real problems, but each person in Hannah’s life that she sent the tapes to also had options. Not necessarily a responsibility towards Hannah, but options for how they handled their own situations that led them to whatever thing they said or did that Hannah ended up blaming them for. Hannah did a terrible thing… several, actually. Playing the ‘blame game’ helps no one; absolves no one; is fair to no one. Suicide is a tragedy, but ultimately, the person who ended their own life is the one responsible for that decision. There’s a discussion on ‘suicide revenge’ that should probably happen as well. This isn’t a new concept; Marilyn Manson’s Coma Black has the line ‘I kill myself to make everybody pay‘. Hannah left tapes to explain/punish those she held responsible, and ultimately let herself off the hook for her decision in both deed and via the tapes. That was a shitty thing to do.

As a parent: TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Tell them that you have issues; that you don’t understand them or their culture, but that you are trying. Let them teach you. Don’t play the disinterested parent-role; don’t let them think that you have all your shit worked out. If you haven’t learned shit-management techniques in your 30+ years on the planet, then you probably didn’t pass any down to your kids, so they’re likely in need of those tools anyway. Let them know that life doesn’t just magically work itself out when you turn 20 or 30 or 40. It’s still a struggle, BUT you learn coping mechanisms on the way that can make it easier. Be an example – take charge of your own issues. If your issues are affecting you kids, then for fuck’s sake, get help, and include them in the process. The other half of this is LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS. Trust them when they tell you that their life is horrible (instead of giving in to the righteous anger that we love to fall back on and list all their privileges and blessings so they’ll see how entitled they’re acting and shape up). Getting angry at them for being ‘ungrateful’ instead of listening to what they’re telling you can lead to a teenager who doesn’t feel like you’re a source of support. Trust that they’re using the best vocabulary that they can, and help them find better words to express what they’re feeling. Ask questions and LISTEN to the answers without giving in to the temptation to be all judgmental or looking for ways to punish them to opening up to you. You can’t have open, honest communication with a teenager and then censor how they talk, or try to shape their expression into your worldview. Listen to see where they are at and meet them there. Then cover new ground together. It’s okay to be lost, or not know what to say. Tell them that; they need to know that we don’t have everything all figured out either, and that it’s okay to learn new things (like how to handle intrusive or overwhelming negative thoughts). It’s also okay to seek outside, professional help. In fact, that’s something your kids should already have – access to suicide hotlines and a network of adults that they can trust to talk to.

In closing, I think people tend to forget that TV and book characters aren’t ‘real’ people; they’re amalgams of multiple people, or archetypes that real people don’t fit into exactly. Real people are so multi-faceted and multi-layered that no book or TV character could ever get it just right. No real person is as one-dimensional as a character; and no situations are quite as simply laid out as real life scenarios are. This book and series, and others like it, create discussion opportunities for parents to guide their teens., and I believe that’s what the series is intended to do. Whether you allow your child to watch it or not, there are some real-world things that today’s kids face. There are real-world situations brought up in that series that I believe it is entirely worthwhile to talk about with your kids. Whether you choose to use the series as a conversation starter, or some other method is up to you – but have the conversations with your kids. Please.

Warmly,
~h

* When I started this post, they had not. After I asked, I guess that brought it to their attention, and LBB (15) decided to watch it. At the time of this post being published, he’s about halfway through the series, and we’ve had multiple discussions about it – big ones, little ones, talks at the dinner table, talks in the car… sometimes just a comment here or there, sometimes more drawn out.

 


April Showers: Late Spring 2017

I hate starting off a post with ‘we’ve been really busy’. If you know me IRL, then you know I’m always busy; that doesn’t change. Everything else may, but that’s a constant in my life. I don’t mean that to sound like a complaint, truly. I like it. I thrive on being ‘busy’. When I say, ‘We’ve been busy!’, it’s more of an acknowledgement that it’s been a while since I slowed down to take stock of what we’ve accomplished – me, individually, and each of the boys, and all of us together (including Loverly Husband) together for school or general family wellness. That’s one of the reasons I like blogging, particularly about our homeschool journey, because it does force/give me the opportunity to record and reflect on what we’ve been doing with our time.

That said, April’s been a busy month, for sure. I brought last month’s update through the first 6 weeks back to school after my mom died. Our break week was pretty chill; we spent most of the week at home, barring a couple of outings. The most glaringly obvious event was the kids’ first formal dance! Honestly, I wish they’d been as excited about it as I was for them. I wasn’t allowed to go to school dances, so this was a big deal. Yes, I recognize that I am living vicariously through my children; go away with your criticism. I want them to have opportunities I was denied; what parent doesn’t want that for their kids? It was super weird though; we had a pre-prom party a friend’s house, then dropped all the kids off to be tended by event chaperones. I trust my kids, and their friends are trustworthy. I wasn’t concerned about anything untoward going on – it was just the strangeness of ‘dropping them off at an event’. I’ve really never done that before! This is new territory, but appropriate for their age and maturity, I think, and something I have to get used to as they become independent young men. It makes me want to fold them up and put them in my pocket…. but also let them bloom and grow into the fine young people they are proving themselves to be. It’s a dilemma.

Before prom festivities could commence, we went with our homeschool group to a tour of the Lower Neches Valley Authority, better known around here as the LNVA, saltwater barrier, which is the system of testing and regulating and prevention of saltwater from the Gulf of Mexico creeping up too far into the Neches River. The Neches is where we get most (all?) of our water from; everything from the city water supply to rice and crawfish farming and petrochemical processing plant use. The saltwater barrier is a big deal, and the dam/lock system they have to keep the river salt-free (or at least within acceptable levels) is pretty neat. We got to go up on the barrier itself, and walk across the top, as well as into the lab where they do all the water testing.

That’s the barrier system in the background. There’s a shot of the kids, looking down from the top of the barrier, and a shot of our group at the top railing.

The theme for the homeschool prom this year was Masquerade, so we went to a local party shop to look for masks. We lucked out – they had a whole section with Venetian style masks. The kids both found masks that suit their styles; PeaGreen’s colorful, ostentatiously feathered Columbina mask in all its sequinned glory; and a smirking, judgy, full-faced Bauta for LBB. At least, from the definition of masks and their meanings, that’s the closest to ‘types of mask‘ I could find for them. Reading through the meanings was interesting; I think they chose well as far as coincidentally aligning personality with choice of mask.

I also found Joker and Harley Quinn mask/sunglasses, which I am tempted to purchase. I didn’t though; all my money right now is being spent on herbs and plants!

Prom day rolled around and we spent the early evening at our friends’ house. She decorated and we all brought food – finger foods so no one accidentally spilled and spoiled their outfits! We’re sometimes smart when we put our heads together to plan things like this. It worked out perfectly; the kids had enough time to get together and relax, eat, and we got pictures just in case they slipped by the photo booths at the event.

‘boy band’ pose

I was really glad that whoever set up the prom didn’t let anyone sneak by without getting a picture! LBB is a pro at disappearing when it’s time to take pictures, so I am really glad they got him. Photography by someone who is not me… they’re in the SETXHomeschool Prom albums.

I got to spend some kid-free time with my friend Kandi; we went to dinner and then to a lecture at the McFaddin Ward House Visitor’s Center featuring Anita Davis of the ESSE Purse Museum in Little Rock, Arkansas. I wasn’t sure what to expect; the way the event was advertised, I thought the lecture was going to be about some of the ‘famous purses’ they have on display, or about purses in general and what women carry in them. It was more about the woman, herself, and how she got started and she touched on some of the other bits; I was a little disappointed, but it was still very cool to see a woman over the age of 40 reinvent herself and do this awesome thing. Her talk was great for what it was; if I’m ever in Little Rock, I am going to do my best to actually visit the museum.

Although it looks like we were super active, those were really our only two ‘out of the house’ things during our off week. Loverly Husband has a new schedule at work, so he’s off occasionally during the week now. This time, his ‘off’ days and ours happened to coincide, so we spent a lot of time just hanging out at home with Dad.

Easter isn’t a big thing in our house; Loverly Husband stayed home and worked on the yard while the kids and I went to my brother’s for a BBQ. My dad went, too. Before my mom died, we planned a big family dinner for every couple of months. We hadn’t had one in a while, because my mom wasn’t feeling up to it, and then her illness and death took the spotlight. This was the first thing we’ve done as a family since her death that wasn’t because of her illness or arrangements following her death. It was surreal. We didn’t talk about her much, but it was so odd and different without her there to do the things and contribute to the flow of conversation. I miss her.

We started our second 6 weeks on April 17th, and it’s been full-speed ahead since then. I dropped the kids off at their music lesson Monday in favor of a fancy ladies’ luncheon at the incredible Monica’s with my friend Bridey who recently moved out of town, then Wednesday, the kids and I hooked up with another family in our group and went to the Health Museum in Houston to see Body Worlds Rx exhibit. I missed out on it the last time it was in Houston; the kids were really little and I remember being iffy on whether or not they could handle the idea of actual bodies being displayed like that. My parents went to see it last time and said it was really nifty; having seen it for myself, I’ll have to agree. They don’t look ‘real’ though; the plastination process makes them look like mannequins.

We spent all day at the museum; the kids got to go through the Body Worlds Rx displays, we watched about 30 minutes of an hour-long film about the process that von Hagens uses to make the displays, and the kids did an hour-long lab and ran experiments on (???). The film was dated and dry, but the process itself is so neat/eerie/cool/gross/fascinating/disconcerting/incredible. This is the actual film, though the version we watched was narrated in English. There are snippets of it in English on YouTube as well.

 

Our homeschool co-op resumed this past week for the last 6 weeks of the 2016-2017 school year. I cannot believe that we’re almost a year into co-op, or that we’re almost DONE with a full year of co-op! The kids are taking art (practical), in which they’re working for 3 weeks on mixed-media and art journaling, then they will have 3 weeks to work on their final project (they can use any of the techniques we’ve learned throughout this semester); the last 6 weeks of teen mental health class, which focuses on physical health and their final project (each student has been working on an ‘awareness board’ for a particular mental illness); art (history), which is new this 6 weeks; and the final 6 weeks of orchestra. They’ll be seat-testing this coming week, with music that they’ll have only had 6 days to prepare for.

We have music lessons every week; LBB uses the time to further his violin skills, and PeaGreen chose to start piano lessons. We have a talent show coming up in our homeschool group, our ‘end of the year’ orchestra concert *and* a recital for our music teacher coming up at the end of summer. That’s a lot to practice for!

We’re still playing our Dungeons & Dragons campaign that we started last year. We try to play every other week, and most weeks that works out, but it’s been a while, so it was nice to get back to it. They both have looks of concentration on their faces – that’s misleading! It’s a lot of fun and silliness.

This evening, Loverly Husband and I ditched the kids for dinner at a local gourmet burger joint, browsed Home Depot for plants and a part to repair the light in our ceiling fan, Office Depot for a new desk chair, and a 45 minute, extra-long wait in the Starbuck’s drive-thru. Despite the extended wait time in the car, it was a lovely evening out!

 

Warmly,
~h


Happy New Year 2017

happy-2017

So it’s that time of year again; when everyone posts their resolutions and goals for the new year. I’m not immune to the appeal of ‘starting fresh’ and making a grand effort to improve myself and my life – the changing of the calendar from one year to the next is a natural transition, and it feels good and productive to have goals. Last year, rather than making ‘resolutions’ for 2016, I went with an overall theme for the year. It was trendy a few years back, but I really liked that idea, and it worked better for me than having ultra-specific resolutions.

My theme for 2016, so you don’t have to go back and find that post, was ‘mindfulness’, which is basically the practice of living in the present moment (hard to do when anxiety disorder is part of your life, which is why it felt like something I needed to work on). That’s still one of my favorite words, and I find that it will continually be on my list of ‘things to work on’. It wasn’t a total success, but, as my music teacher is often saying, ‘progress, not perfection!”. In that light, I do think that having an overall theme was easier to maintain than a list of ‘rules’ to have to follow.

Here’s a re-cap of my goals in that theme from last year:

meditation – I practice on my own, but I really would like to make it part of my week to go to the group sit at St. Mark’s. They meet twice a week; I want to make at least one of them.

simplify – KonMari! I want to clear out things that don’t make me happy, from possessions to wardrobe to household goods

health – movement and community – walking with playgroup; with the kids; family health; focus on cleaner eating

relationships – tend those I care about and cut loose those I don’t

I didn’t actually make it to St. Marks for meditation with the group, well … ever. The timing wasn’t something I could ever work into my schedule. After giving it some thought, and making my personal meditation practice a priority, I didn’t feel the need to practice with a group as much. Now, I’m content to continue my personal practice in private. As for simplifying… well, that didn’t work out either; at least not in the KonMari way. I did do some downsizing and re-organizing, but nothing that could be categorized as a clean sweep in the KonMari way. We finally got our storage building moved into our backyard, so that alleviated a lot of the clutter inside the house, but there’s more (always) to be done. It’s a process, so while I didn’t exactly meet my original goal, I don’t feel like that was a total failure, either. Health/Nutrition/Fitness are always going to be a focus – more so in the coming year with the decline in my parents’ health, but that’s a long story best told over coffee. I went walking with the group once, and tried to go with another group, but that didn’t work out according to the original plan, either. I did purchase a new bicycle a few months ago, so that’s what I’ve been doing, because I enjoy biking more than walking. The kids have their bikes, too and we ride together – another bonus. This year, I want to get a bike rack so we can take our bikes to local biking trails and ride (or maybe we can just work on increasing our distance and ride to a park that’s not too awful far away). As for relationships, I feel like I’ve been stretched too thin to effectively be a friend to some of the people I actually do care about. There are definitely a few friends who have become long-distance friends that I need to make more of an effort to connect with.

This year, I am going to go with the same one-word theme, but more action-oriented. Mindfulness can be an action word, but it feels more passive to me. Now, at the end of the year, I’m feeling antsy – like I need to move and ‘do’. To satisfy that need, I’ve chosen ‘create’ as my theme. Here are some things I want to create this year:

  • space – both in a physical and metaphysical sense. In the real world, I want to create peaceful, relaxing spaces in my home. This means taking charge of clutter and possessions that no longer serve me or my family, or our purpose. I have really been drawn to the idea of minimalism over the past couple of years, and while I won’t say I am ready to go all in just yet, I feel the need to free up space in my home and my head, and I feel like downsizing all the things might be a step in the right direction. This aspect also includes clearing away obligations and activities that no longer fit my needs or bring me joy or relaxation, or free up time so that I can spend more of it with my kids and Loverly Husband. A relatively inflexible rule I’ve established over the last couple of months has been to say no to things I don’t truly, deeply enjoy or that put money in my family’s budget. I’m spread very thin, and I need to take back some of that time.
  • memories – this is something that is so very important to me; that my children have a rich childhood filled with memorable experiences and traditions to carry with them throughout their lives and one day pass on to their own kids. We’ve made an effort to have game nights and do things as a family that do just that: create a memory. We only have a few years of ‘childhood’ left; I want to make the most of them. I’d like 2017 to have an emphasis on ‘creating memories’  – simple things like rock painting, cooking together, game nights, traveling and other fun (inexpensive, low-key) stuff.
  • art – creating art is something I always come back to. This takes many forms: art journaling, writing, painting, crafting… I like them all. Some of the time I take from other things needs to be focused on creating more of the thing my soul craves.
  • music – I started playing cello this past year, and began piano lessons earlier in December. I used to play flute and clarinet in school, but dropped it after I graduated. I’d forgotten how much I loved it; playing music occupies my entire body – mind, hands, attention, eyes – it’s a full-body experience. For someone who struggles with depression and anxiety, having something that’s so all-consuming to drown in has been an amazing relief. Since my kids are also taking music lessons (both on violin), it’s also something we can do together, which I love.
  • change – activism has been a part of my life for years now, in small ways. As my kids get older and demand less of my time, I feel the need to get involved with larger efforts to affect positive change. I’m not sure exactly what route this path will lead me on just yet, but it’s something I am motivated to accomplish.

 

create

So… that’s my word for this year. What’s yours?
Happy New Year!
Warmly,
~h


Summery Time Fun

 

blue_watercolor_chevron_1_1024x1024This month has been a little slower than usual. We’ve been taking it kinda easy, and letting the kids adjust to the new norm after the loss of Loverly Husband’s grandmother at the end of May. Academically, we spent the beginning of the month on our ‘summertime’ schedule, which is overall a little bit lighter than what they’re assigned during the fall and spring. Towards the end of the month, to present, we’ve been on vacation – our 3-week break before starting our new school year. It’s been nice! Normally, we have a ton of stuff going on during the summer, but the last few weeks have been pretty low-key and I have been enjoying the break immensely.

Our first official summer-time thing was the Teen Social for June. We met at the movie theater and dropped the kids off to see Alice: Through the Looking Glass while the moms had lunch and a chat in peace. It was fun for us – not so much for the kids (though I suspect the enjoyed it more than they let on). In any case, this new ‘spending time with teens’ thing has been really great. We went for a long time without older kids in our homeschool group, and I am so glad we have that social time now! Self-care has been a big part of my routines lately, so I treated myself to the new Through the Looking Glass makeup palette from Urban Decay, and playing around with makeup looks from YouTube.

2016-07-01_20.47.02

We had a yearbook club meeting somewhere in there… I didn’t get pictures, but I do have a couple of screenshots from our soon-to-be-finished yearbook! I’m so excited about having these this year. We’ve looked at it before, but the idea never materialized. There are so many great moms in our group who are motivated to make things happen right now and I am loving it. Without their vision and take charge attitude, a lot of the ideas we’ve had as a  group would still be just ‘plans’. Here’s a screenshot of the students’ page. We also have a family page for each family, and individual pages planned for our two seniors this year.

stubodsample3

Earlier in the month was Beaumont’s PRIDEFestival, and this was our third year to support the LGBTQ community locally. My organization, Whole Mothering Center, sponsored a kids’ area with a big bounce house (in princess pink), and we brought the kids out to help. Unfortunately, the weather was being typically Texas with sunshine for 20 minutes, followed by a half hour of torrential downpour, followed by sun, then rain, then sun… basically all morning long. The kids were *soaked* through and miserable for a little while there. The boys had plans with some friends around noon, but we ended up having to go all the way back home so they could shower and change before I took them to meet their friends. It wasn’t the best time, but it was definitely an experience to remember!

 

CAM04124_Doug_Decebal_Coloreith

 

IMG_20160611_112933

 

Most of the next week was rained out – we had grand plans for a canoe trip, but with all the rain,the water was too high to be safe, so we ended up spending most of the week at home, trying to stay out of the rain.

Our Father’s Day was a lazy one. The kids and I bought all of Loverly Husband’s favorite snacks, and cards from each of us to show him how much we appreciate him. Our homeschool group is planning to host a co-op in the fall; one for high schoolers, and one for elementary aged kids, and the elementary co-op planning committee met earlier in the week. They had a Father’s Day craft for the little kids that was so cute – a tree with hand prints for the leaves. I brought it home for the boys – we missed out on a lot of those types of crafts, so I thought it would be funny to do and give to their dad… and it was! The boys’ hand prints are bigger than mine – they had trouble staying on the page!

CAM04163 (1)

Our homeschool group has a park day planned for June 20th, but we moved it indoors since the weather is so awful – srsly, if you’ve never been to Texas, summertime is like trying to drink the air; it’s THAT humid. That’s why our school motto is ‘It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity’. Never has a phrase been uttered more often than when making and subsequently cancelling plans that involve any length of time spent outdoors.

We had a new opportunity come up this month for a few of the moms in our homeschool group. Our local Regional Educational Service Center offered a ‘Youth Mental Health First Aid’ course on the 21st. Their goal is to help parents and teachers and others who work with teens recognize some of the warning signs of teens in mental health crisis and train you to offer support until professionals can be contacted. It was an interesting course, and I am so glad we went. We each were given a certification and a book with more information on specific mental health issues. If you have the chance, look for a class near you through your local REC. Here’s a map if you’re in Texas. If you’re not in TX, the Great and powerful Google can probably help.

YMHFA course - june21,2016
On the 23rd was our annual trip to Moody Gardens. I didn’t get any pictures because I was very busy chillaxin’ in the sand while the kids were off doing whatever kids do. It was fantastic and relaxing, and I LOVE having older kids for stuff like this.CAM04186

CAM04188

Though PeaGreen’s actual birthday wasn’t until the beginning of July, we celebrated a bit early with fried and a movie and sleepover. He’s 13 now – no more babies *at all* around here! I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, Loverly Husband and I make pretty cute kids, and I’d love to see what more of them would look like. But on the other hand, they’re turning into such amazing young men, and I can’t imagine starting over at this point.

Aidan 13

CAM04209

The end of June saw us doing a ‘career path’ field trip with the SETX Regional Planning Commission. The SETXRPC is a collection of agencies that do, literally, all kinds of things for the 3 local counties in this area, from social work to transportation to emergency services and more. It was really cool to hear the 3 presenters they chose talk about their jobs and how they got there; they all emphasized the importance of building your reputation as a young person, and networking through various educational and employment opportunities, which is something I am sure all of our parents do, but somehow that kind of advice carries more weight when it comes from strangers.
CAM04211

CAM04212

We kicked off July with a full-family ‘stay-cation’, and our annual Independence Day Bash. Though Loverly Husband is back at work,  the boys and I still have another week of vacation left and I mean to make the most of it. I’ve been crafting; making DIY refillable makeup palettes (because spending $20 a pop on a z-palette is insanity) and being lured by the de-potting movement in the makeup world.

2016-07-07_23.52.55

I’ll have a high-school-homeschool planning post up soon, so be sure to subscribe and check back!
Hope your summer is rolling peacefully along!

Warmly,
~h


Bridging the Gaps: Is Homeschooling Enough?

bridging-the-gap-1aI’ve written about gaps in education before, but it’s been a while, so I thought I’d address it again; specifically the idea that public schools (or ‘brick and mortar’ schools, which include any style of schooling that involves a ‘school teacher’) provide a ‘better’ education, or a ‘more complete’ education than homeschooling can.

There are a couple of things wrong with this assumption – first and foremost is the idea that all b&m schools have the same educational goals and model and structure. It’s true that basically all b&m schools function very similarly, in that the children go to school and are taught by someone who (presumably) has extensive education in classroom management and state standards. But as far as the curriculum and even models of teaching and goals… those can be quite different, even within a single city or state. Even if the curriculum itself was standardized, the execution of the material is often left up to the individual teacher. What one teacher may consider ‘core’ might seem frivolous to another, and your opinion on the matter may still be different again. They may skip over things you consider to be vitally important in favor of information that you vaguely remember covering in school but ultimately had no use for at all as an adult and therefore consider useless.

Teachers are human and have their own areas of interest that may bias them; mine, for example, is ancient Egypt. I’m fascinated with the culture and religion of the time and we’ve spent a lot of time studying it! I could do a whole year of history/geography and social studies in Egypt alone. But while it’s extremely interesting (to me), it’s not the most practical thing to have a deep knowledge of unless your plan is to go into Egyptology (which neither of my children have expressed an interest in doing). This bias can play a positive role as well as a negative one. On the plus side, I’d rather my kids spend a year learning about a subject that their teacher is deeply interested in and knowledgeable about than just ‘cover’ a wider range of materials. There’s something engaging about learning from someone who is passionate about their topic that makes you more interested in it, too. And that interest could lead to various science and history related fields of further study…. but I digress.

Secondly is the mistaken idea that students in a b&m school are afforded more opportunities than homeschool students. When struggling with a lack of confidence in our teaching ability, homeschooling parents sometimes forget that a classroom teacher’s ability to teach is very often stifled by classroom management and school/state/federal policies that end up meaning that the lessons are taught to the weakest student’s ability. That means that if your child is among the more advanced in the class, or even if he or she is ‘at grade level’, she is more or less left to her own devices to advance her studies because the teacher is otherwise engaged with students who are struggling to get to ‘grade level’ and can’t work with your student individually. In fact, that’s a huge advantage that homeschooling has over any other type of schooling – personalized attention. If your student is at the other end of the spectrum, then all kinds of other issues start creeping in – from dealing with potential learning disabilities, potential behavioural issues to possible bullying and self-esteem issues. No one is inspired to learn when they ‘feel’ like they’re dumb. This is, in part, one of my major issues with the way schools are structured – students aren’t robots and they don’t all learn in the same way, at the same time or on the same level in each subject. Homeschooling addresses all of those issues, because you’re typically mastery-focused and not dependent on grades to get by.

My oldest starts high school this fall, and I admit I am struggling a bit with the idea. Well, that’s not entirely true; one minute, I struggle with doubt and anxiety, the next I can HOMESCHOOL FOREVER!!! I’m not sure if my wildly fluctuating confidence and lack thereof is a good thing, or a normal thing or what… but there you have it. On one hand, I know it’s a thing I can do. We’re mostly at ‘grade level’ except for spelling, and some things I feel like we’ve covered more than he would have gotten in b&m school. Still other things he’s gotten to do that ‘count’ are opportunities he never could have had stuck behind a desk for 9 months out of the year.

I think that for me, that’s the main goal: give my kids a good foundation and teach them HOW to learn. Teach them that learning is a lifestyle, and that ‘school’ isn’t the only way or place to learn. Another facet of my goal is to expose them to as many things as I can to prod their interest in learning more. They need the basics to understand the world around them and to know how to function within it, but that love of learning and being engaged in finding out more is something that will never be ‘taught’ from a textbook. Hands-on learning, getting out into the world and experiencing how the knowledge affects and enriches their day-to-day life – that’s what I want for them.

If you’re new to homeschooling, and struggling with a lot of these kinds of doubts – can I do this? will it be enough? am I depriving my child of a decent education? can he still go to college? what if this doesn’t work out? – and whatever other questions you have… remember: nothing is permanent. If you try homeschooling (or if you’re a homeschooler considering heading back to b&m school) and it doesn’t fit, you can change it. If you’re worried about doing it all yourself, take heart – you don’t have to! There’s a whole WORLD of support for homeschooling parents out there, from groups and forums online, to local tutors and programs your child can enroll in, homeschool co-ops, online high schools and more. It’s not always ‘all’ up to you.

Whether your child is college bound or not, and there’s a whole world out there that doesn’t depend on a 4 year college program to ‘make it’, if you strive to give your kids a good foundation, you’ll do fine even if there are gaps.

Warmly,
~h

 


June Update

juneThe last week has been a hard one for our family. My Loverly Husband’s grandmother passed away the day before Memorial Day, which pretty much brought our world to a stand-still over the last couple of weeks. Like many deaths, this was both expected, and sudden. She had been on hospice care for the last few months, but her decline went from gradual over the last year or so to a very sudden couple of days, and then she was gone.

This is, in many ways, new territory for my kids, and has been difficult to navigate as a parent, and even more difficult to navigate as a wife. She was the matriarch of my husband’s family, and the touchstone for all of his extended family on weekends and at holidays. I have no idea what the holiday season will look like this year without her there for the family to flock around.

The kids are adjusting well, for the most part. We like to stay busy, so this week has seen a return to relative normalcy, though I know they are still grieving. We’re taking it easy, but back to school again. We finished up our ‘school year’ work and started our ‘summer work’ this week. If you’re a new reader here, welcome! We school all year through rather than the traditional 9-months of school with summers off. Our schedule runs from January-November, with 6 weeks of school, followed by a one-week break. Even though we don’t follow a traditional schedule, the boys still fall into their proper grades (more or less; for convenience sake) beginning in the fall and ending in May. That means that LBB will start high school in the fall – eek! Stay tuned for a post soon about planning for high school and the associated stresses and headaches and anxiety that causes me. Our summer program is lighter than ‘school year’ work, partly because there’s more to do during the summer, and partly because I use summers to let them focus on strengthening whatever is weakest. This summer is all about math and spelling wound in and around trips to the beach, visiting friends who are out for the summer, birthday parties, summer reading club at our library and other goings-on.

The last few weeks have been pretty low-key. We’ve been home a lot, just sort of ‘nesting’ as a family, so this will be a shorter update on what we’ve done. This week has been the first time we’ve really gotten back into our regularly scheduled activities; today we met with our homeschool group’s yearbook committee, then the kids went to a friend’s house to swim – nothing fancy, which is a nice way to ease back into our normally packed routine.

I love this picture, because it shows the integration across ages that’s so great in our group, from pre-school through high school, they all hang out together. In this case, they got out the giant chess set and had a very intense round of games.

13344682_10209694678468838_5053122172132886727_n

13344513_10209694679388861_2673737880070359694_n
13417620_10209694678628842_8273493241684131860_n

Hope your summer is off to a smooth start!
Warmly,
~h