So… remember this paragraph from my last post?:
“I say ‘ideal’ because we are still displaced from Harvey, and keeping any kind of regular schedule is… difficult, at best. At this point, if we manage to get *any* schooling done, I am counting it as a success. We are eight weeks out, and I literally have no idea when our lives will return even to a glimpse of ‘normal’. But we’re working on establishing whatever good habits, school-wise, we can, and music practice is a big part of that.”
Little did I realize at the time I wrote those lines how much of a prophet I was. We are now eleven weeks out from Hurricane Harvey, and in just 3 weeks, I can’t even begin to tell you how far from ‘normal’ things feel right now. The last few weeks have been one of those times in your life where, for every good thing that happens, something equally bad happens. I don’t know how to feel – good? bad? meh? Mostly meh, I think.
We moved back into our house (such as it is) on October 29th. That was a very long day, filled with moving and cleaning and last minute sheetrock-hanging (in the bedrooms) and setting up of temporary bedding. When I say ‘such as it is’, I mean we have sheetrock in the bedrooms and one bathroom, and that’s pretty much it. No float and tape, no paint, no trim – just sheetrock. And there bare studs in the entire rest of the house – the only reason we put up the bedroom sheetrock was to give everyone a little bit of privacy. The first few days, we didn’t have internet, and since we had a cold snap we had to go buy heaters. We did get Mac the Wonder Dog back from the friends who’ve been keeping him while we were displaced right before Halloween, then the weather changed, and it was so hot and humid that we also had to go buy air conditioners. Texas, y’all.
Being back in our own space, however sparse and utilitarian it is at the moment, has a feel. I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s more relaxed (even though living in an unfinished space (no doors/no walls) is arguably more stressful) or something… it’s very hard to put into words. We’ve since established internet, we’ve hung doors to the bedrooms and sheetrock in the hallway and living room, and pulled the ceiling out of the hallway and hall bathroom and re-sheetrocked everything except the kitchen. We got doorknobs earlier this week, and that was a big celebratory moment. It’s slow-going, but we’re getting there.
School, on the other hand, has had to go onto the back burner for now. We’ve put co-op on hold, and even music lessons and orchestra are on shelved for the moment. It’s exceedingly difficult to do lessons without computer access for the kids. I didn’t realize how much of their work was being done on the computer. What isn’t online is printer-based and not having my printer set up (or a space to put it in) makes that very difficult to accomplish. At this point, we are about 4 weeks behind schedule; we’ll be about 5 weeks at the end of this week. I’ve written before about there not truly being a ‘schedule’ that homeschooling needs to happen on, and been encouraged/supported by long-time homeschooling friends who’ve dealt with similar setbacks that have reminded me of this fact. But we started the year off-schedule due to my mom’s illness and death, and just as we were getting caught back up, Harvey hit. So even though there isn’t really a schedule, there is definitely a place where I feel like we ‘should be’ that we aren’t. That’s stressful no matter how you slice it. Especially with the kids both being in high school this year, there is only a limited time that we have to accomplish high school lessons; I don’t like starting out in such a deficit.
That said, we do have a workable plan to catch up, if not exactly where we should be, then close to. We normally take all of December off from lessons; this year that won’t be in the cards. Using that time to play catch-up will get us close to where we should be. In the mean time, I am trying my hardest to be zen-mama and let the kids do their own thing while we get what work we can accomplished on the house. I’d like to say that we’ve been filling our time with other fun and/or educational-type activities, but the truth is that it’s a lot of ‘go-fer’-ing, grunt work and wait-and-see. I’ve spent more hours than I care to count wither online comparing, on the phone with or in the store shopping or waiting in line at Home Depot, and picking up tools and other materials from Ace Hardware. We had a door issue with Home Depot that took 3 weeks, 4 deliveries and one instance of getting shirty on the phone with customer service before we got it resolved. Like I said; we are making progress, it’s just SO. SLOW.
In between the chaos of fixing our house, we’ve tried to do some fun stuff without feeling too guilty for taking time off construction duty. Halloween came and went; I was disappointed because that’s normally my favorite time of the year, but all of my Halloween stuff got ruined so I am going to have to wait until next season to start replacing things. It didn’t ‘feel’ like Halloween because I had no decor. Luckily my Christmas boxes survived in tact, so Christmas should be merry and bright. PeaGreen and his friend started a thing – they are now called Boris and Anatoly (with LBB stepping in as Dimitri on occasion). They all think it’s cleaver and fun and hilarious. I don’t get it. But whatevs.
We did make our annual trip out to the Texas Renaissance Festival last week. It was such a great day! I had a horrible time last year so I was really not looking forward to going this year, but it ended up being the perfect weather, and we had a small group of our homeschool friends with us, so it turned out to be just a really fun day.
We also took a full-day family break and brought the kids to see Thor Ragnarok. It was a little campy for my tastes, but still fun. Dinner afterwards was a riot; these two are pretty funny when they’re getting along (rare these days).
That’s pretty much it for now. The next few weeks will be full of more of the same, and hopefully we will get to a place where we can start back on lessons in full very soon.
This year started out as one might expect – Christmas is over, and we extended our vacation by a week into January because we ended up continuing our school year into December. We spent Twelfth Night as we always do, taking down our Christmas decorations and storing them carefully for next year. We cleaned up the pine needles and got rid of our couch (since there are so many instruments taking up space in our living room now), leaving room for music practice and a couple of chairs that we rescued from my grandmother’s house.
We joined our friends one evening to continue our D&D campaign, had our regular round of music lessons, and spent the first Teen Social of this year with a LOTR marathon before taking a trip to Longview to visit my grandmother in her new house.
The first weekend of 2017 was winding down, and we were preparing to get ready for school when my dad called and said that he thought we needed to bring my mom to the emergency room. She’d been sick for a couple of months and no one could figure out why. Tests were clear, but she was getting sicker and weaker every week. When my dad called, she was very dehydrated, so we brought her to the emergency room and, after some testing, they admitted her to ICU.
On day 2 or 3 in ICU, she was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer, and so we mobilized the family and between me, my dad, my sister, my brother and sister-in-law, we stayed with her round the clock. She was moved out of ICU to a regular room after a couple of days when her numbers started to improve, but because her cancer was so advanced, she decided to opt out of treatment options and move to hospice care. 17 days later, she was dead.
It’s amazing how quickly your priorities, your ideas about what’s necessary today, you entire world, can shift. Just like that, this year’s school plans fizzed into a holding pattern so I could focus on my parents. It happened so quickly that I don’t think that I’ve truly processed it even a month later. We spent so much time at the hospital and hospice center. School obviously took a back seat for a while – we only made it 2 weeks into the first 6 weeks of this school year before my entire being was focused on my mom. The first couple of weeks, we tried to maintain normalcy. We went to co-op; the kids and I all did our first round of chair testing; we even took instruments to the hospice center and the boys played for my mom and dad.
But it was a downhill battle, and she slipped away all too quickly. My siblings and I spent hours debating what the ‘right’ thing to do was – should we go to work, should we stay close? How long do we have? When should we bring the kids up to see her? So many, many questions and no real way to get good answers. It was a lot of ‘do the thing’ and hope for the best.
We were with her when she died. My dad on one side of her, my sister at the foot of her bed and me on the other side of her. Our brother had left that morning after being with her all night, and had to rush back once it was clear that she was in rapid decline.
I’m not good with grief; no one is, I’m sure. I (thankfully) haven’t had a lot of experience with loss. I’ve lost great grandparents when I was young, and 3 of my grandparents. I’ve lost my father in law, and my husband’s grandmother, and in 2009, lost a baby that we desperately wanted. Each loss has been different, and I guess nothing can prepare you for the feelings that come when you lose your mom. Even though she and I had a strained relationship, it’s been really difficult.
We spent the days immediately after her death going through all of the pictures, pulling ones we wanted to use for a slide show at her memorial service. There were so many pictures… and yet never enough.
We had a memorial service for her 3 weeks after she died, and are getting together this weekend to bring her ashes to our dad. The boys all wore yellow ties, because yellow was her favorite color.
It’s been a month and a half now, and we’re in our third week of school. I’m glad we took the time off that we did, but am also glad to be getting back to our normal routines. We had another round of chair testing in orchestra, and the kids have been hard at work both at home and at classes and co-op.
They went to their Aquatic Science class in either February or March 2017 – I can’t remember off the top of my head. They had several water lab stations set up. It was pretty cool!
For our March teen social with our homeschool group, the kids painted the Galaxy Unicorn along with The Art Sherpa. They made their works their own; instead of a unicorn, PeaGreen chose to draw a weenie-dog with an inflatable unicorn horn. I think he pretty much nailed it.
Seat testing again! The entire class stepped their game up so much this round! It was SUPER competitive this time, and they both did an awesome job – all the kids did!
Once testing was over, they had lunch and we started our art lesson – sculpture.
Even though things are ‘back to normal’, in some ways, things will never be ‘normal’ again. Or maybe it’s just a new normal. It’s really hard to sort through my feelings, but I needed a space to do that, so I started a new, less topic-focused blog. I’ll link to in eventually, but for now I’m keeping it to myself.
I bought an urn necklace with her birthstone in it and put some of her ashes inside. I wear her jewelry, and listen to songs she loved. For now, it’s helping me feel connected to her as I figure the rest out.
This is the last moment I had with her. Her hand was still warm, and I try every day to remember the feel of her skin. I know I’ll forget one day, and that hurts more than anything.
Until next time,