Homeschooling: It's not what we do, it's how we live.

Defining ‘Inclusive’ in Homeschool Groups

I wanted to talk a bit about the term ‘inclusive’. It’s a term that many homeschoolers hear often, but there doesn’t seem to be a unified understanding of what it means with regard to homeschooling groups.

By far, the most common use of  the term ‘inclusive’ in homeschool group descriptions means that though the group is firmly XYZ (usually specifically Christian based, often fundamentalist), they allow other people to join. By ‘join’, they mean that you’re allowed to participate in their discussions and events, but you’re not allowed to rock the boat, idea-wise. This means that if you subscribe to a scientific age of the earth and the group as a whole purports a young earth ideology, then you don’t get to mention your disruptive beliefs. There is no respectful sharing of information, and no friendly debate allowed. You can come, but you don’t make waves.

The other use of ‘inclusive’ means that you’re allowed to join and have your own beliefs and ideas, and as long as you keep it to a respectful sharing of ideas and not wander off into evangelism land, you’re allowed and sometimes even encouraged to share them. You can be any religion or none, and be perfectly welcome. Often, these types of inclusive groups also define themselves as ‘secular’ as well (meaning that the group, itself, does not promote one religion over another; there is usually no ‘official’ mention of religion at all). This type of group generally welcomes respectful sharing of beliefs and ideas, and even encourages questioning and friendly debate. It is assumed that you’re here to learn and share, and that your beliefs may or may not be in the minority and that’s okay.

It is only this second type of group that actually fit the definition of  ‘inclusive’. Their practices actually are inclusive; it’s not just that they allow you to be there, they welcome you and your ideas to the rich tapestry of the group. They understand and respect that you may have differing beliefs and don’t tread on your toes with unwelcome religious proselytizing or verbiage that clearly promotes one belief over another. Furthermore, even if the bulk of the group is one religion or lifestyle, they go out of their way to make sure that they’re not doing things that make others feel unwelcome.

Contrast that with the first type of group – they don’t mind if you’re there, but they don’t really want your unique flavor in their mix. I am not opposed to this type of group; I both understand and can appreciate the value in having a group of people available to you that share your beliefs or way of life. Everyone should have a safe place to go to in order to work out their thoughts; reinforce their ideas and help fit new information into the framework of their current foundation. But it’s misleading to advertise your group as ‘inclusive’ when your practice goes against the definitions of the word. Saying ‘open to all as long as you understand and agree that XYZ’ is not the same as ‘inclusive’, especially when you really mean ‘open to anyone who is not homosexual, Atheist, Pagan, Muslim, Jewish or any other religion/sexual orientation/ way of life that we disapprove of’. defines ‘inclusive’ as that includes;  enclosing; embracing. offers across-the-board, all the options, all together, all-around,  comprehensive,  full, global, whole, without exception as synonyms. As a homeschooling parent, I like the idea of those concepts for my children. I think that it is my job as my kids grow to continually expose  them to ideas and thoughts and beliefs that make them think. As a parent and teacher, I am here as a sounding board, to listen to them and help them work through the things they hear and see and learn and help them clarify what they think about it; not to impose my thoughts and beliefs onto them. They have my example, and should they choose to follow, that’s great. If not, then I trust that I have raised intelligent people who are capable of reasoning out for themselves what fits into their life best. Considering the fact that I continue to learn and grow and see my ideas shaped by what I learn with each passing year, it’s ridiculous to think that I would be able to simply ‘tell’ my kids what to believe and have them just merrily go along with it.

I enjoy being part of an inclusive group because it gives my children that opportunity to get to know people of other religions. It exposes them to differing world views and ways of life, and the opportunity to ask questions and in general see that we’re all really not that much different. I think that part of my responsibility as a homeschooling parent is to make sure that my children are exposed to a diverse group of people. How can they learn what they think about things if their ideas are never challenged?

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people is not a bad thing. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people in an effort to avoid coming into contact with ideas and ideals that challenge yours IS a bad thing. Worse, offering a support group to your community in the guise of being helpful, all the while using that group to further a religious agenda or to attempt to squelch other ideas or convert non-conformists is tricksy and dishonest, and hardly conforms to the Christian ideals that many such groups claim to support.

If you’re so confident in your beliefs, then talking to someone who doesn’t share them shouldn’t affect your faith. There is no danger to me in talking to someone who is Christian because I don’t share their beliefs or faith. I have nothing to fear from them, or anything they say. In fact, I think that my beliefs are strengthened by interacting with people who don’t share my beliefs, and I also find that my beliefs are enhanced by understanding why they believe and think the way they do. There’s a beauty in not being so bound up by dogma and fear; getting to see and experience and share someone else’s beliefs is a joyous thing. Having an inclusive group, with a diverse membership makes this process easy, both for myself and my children. What a shame that most faith-based groups can’t say the same thing.



7 responses

  1. I oft butt heads with the xtians because, apparently, there are christian or god definitions for words that we simple non-believers just don’t understand (and aren’t in any dictionaries).

    So… maybe they have their own definition for “inclusive”.


    Great article!

    October 15, 2011 at 6:41 am

  2. Great post! I am currently in an “inclusive” group. And I constantly feel like I have to sensor what I say so as not to offend- or get my head bit off…We are moving soon, and so far our new city/state seems to have a pretty strong secular base….so I am excited to see what that brings.

    October 16, 2011 at 7:56 pm

  3. Great post! It always annoys me when inclusive means what your first example meant and not what your second meant. I want to throw the dictionary at them and tell them they need to READ. 🙂 I also like that you said if you’re so confident in your beliefs, it shouldn’t be an issue to be around people of other beliefs. Why don’t people get that?

    By the way – you’re nominated for an award on my blog, if you’re into the award thing. Just wanted to let you know I like what you have to say!

    October 22, 2011 at 9:20 am

  4. Lisa

    Wonderful post. I am currently trying to start a truly inclusive group in my area. Currently, the first type of “inclusive” group exists all by itself here. This causes many problems for my family. We have been shunned by many of the local homeschoolers because we allow our children to read about and learn about other beliefs, not all monotheistic. Thank you for the encouraging article :).

    June 13, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    • Unfortunately, I can relate so much to being shunned for such a mindset. I think it’s sad that secular groups in general are viewed as a ‘threat’ of some sort, rather than a teaching opportunity about embracing diversity and to reinforce equality. Ultimately, I think that the closed-minded groups are the ones who miss out in the long run.
      Our group has been in existence since 2004, but only truly active since 2010. It’s taken a long time for our group to rise above the ‘secular’ label and be seen for the amazing group that it is. I say keep on doing what you;re doing – there are people, even Christian people, who are looking for what you have to offer!
      Good luck!

      June 14, 2012 at 5:49 pm

  5. Delilah

    It’s a great idea in theory, but only if the people in charge of the group are managing it properly. Otherwise, religious fanatics infiltrate it and ruin it for everyone else. I’ve seen this happen because “nice moms” running a couple groups were too chicken to speak up and take action. The other issue with calling a group “inclusive” versus “secular” is your child can end up around a lot more fanatical families much, much MORE than they would in public or private school. Personally, if I don’t have much of a choice of selection among homeschoolers, I’d *much* rather put my child into after-school activities with public/private school children—because far fewer of those kids are being raised in a cult.

    February 3, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    • HT

      I agree that groups who bill themselves as inclusive and/or secular need to be active in their management style. I prefer ‘secular’ over ‘inclusive’, though both have a place, especially when you’re encouraging diversity. Thankfully, our local group is both inclusive and highly secular, and it’s fairly large and very active. Even among the religiously oriented groups, there are few that I’d call ‘cults’; but that’s a whole other topic 😉
      Thanks for reading!

      February 13, 2018 at 1:25 am

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