Homeschooling: It's not what we do, it's how we live.

Making Friends… for Mom

One of the biggest challenges, by far, as a homeschooling mom has been finding time without the children. It’s a rare event that I get more than an hour or so to myself, and even that is maybe once a week.

Loverly Husband is nothing if not supportive, and is wonderful at giving me what time he can – if he runs to the store, he’ll take the kids with and he takes them to see his grandmother almost every weekend for an hour or so. He misses spending time with them (he works a lot), and it’s nice to have even a half hour to myself.

I can’t complain overmuch; this is the lifestyle we chose. We’ve actually worked hard to be able to keep me home with the kids and have re-arranged things for that to continue so we can homeschool, so it’s not that I don’t love my life – I do. But even the most dedicated mom needs a break now and then.

I realized the other day that all of my current friends have come into my life because they have children that are close my kids in age. I’ve met some through playgroup, some through La Leche League, some through my sons’ former school – but aside from my sisters, I literally have NO friends that have not come into my life that are not related in some way to my children.

I think that the children tend to be my main connection point with other women. How I raise my children – the ideals that we live by – these are key points in my life and I just can’t make friends that don’t share at least some of those ideals. It’s virtually impossible to have friends who don’t have children because they just don’t get why I can’t go and do stuff – it’s because of the kids, but not for the reason you think. I like my children. I enjoy spending time with them. They’re really awesome little dudes!

That said, yesterday afternoon was spent on a nice, long, moms-only break from the precious little darlings with SFK and PB&JMom, because if I did not get a few hours to myself, I really might lose my ever-loving mind. I find it amazing how much just those few hours (well, okay… 9, but who’s counting??) have refreshed my outlook and re-filled my patience bank. Loverly Husband is off this coming week, so we’re looking forward to days of family togetherness fun – but I am so glad I got a bit of a break before that!

Warmly,

~h

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4 responses

  1. So glad you got some time off! I’m going to see a movie and have dinner with some friends from our MOMS Club. I considered not renewing our membership, since the kids don’t do much with the groupe anymore, but I would really miss all the mom-only stuff with these people I’ve known (even casually) for years. Now that the girls are getting older, I feel like I can finally get away more without them.

    I think it’s completely normal to only have friends connected to us through our kids. I actually had retained some of my pre-kid friends for a while, but we had just grown apart too much and it wasn’t working. I feel so much better surrounded by people who understand what my days are like, even if they aren’t people I necessarily completely click with.

    August 13, 2010 at 11:57 am

    • We’re in a similar odd place with our local playgroup. While the kids are really too old for most of the stuff they do and are usually bored, *I* am really missing the company of the moms.

      I hope you have a great mom’s night out! 🙂
      ~h

      August 13, 2010 at 7:08 pm

  2. I have to say, this is my biggest struggle – friends. No, not for my kids – for me!! I can really relate (my husband works LONG hours) and even time to myself can rarely be equated as time with friends. For me it’s augmented by where we live – small town, very rural … I feel like it’s hard to find someone I can really connect with. I had a group before we moved up here – sigh.

    Like you said – I know we chose this lifestyle and there are bound to bumps along the way. I’m trying to make an effort this year – it’s my New (Academic) Year’s resolution. 😉

    August 13, 2010 at 12:45 pm

  3. When my husband and I first married, we moved out to the country for a few months… and quickly discovered that we were definitely ‘city folk’, lol. There are advantages to either lifestyle, but that loneliness can really be a challenging one. I hope you’re successful this year in finding new (local) friends! 😉
    ~h

    August 13, 2010 at 7:10 pm

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