Homeschooling is Hard
If you’d asked me when we started what the hardest part of homeschooling was, I’d have probably said something about the curriculum, or confidence. At the beginning of last year, it would have been ‘fitting everything in’ or making sure that they didn’t have too many gaps in their education’ – again confidence related with maybe a little scheduling thrown in.
Ask me now, going into our third year, what the biggest challenge of homeschooling is and I say it’s the time commitment; the never-ending constancy of being ‘on’. As either Mom or Teacher, I am on-stage from the moment they wake up in the morning to whenever they finally fall asleep in the evenings (despite the fact that bedtime is at 8PM and not including the occasional during-the-night call to action). I do normally get up around the same time Loverly Husband does in the morning since the kids have started sleeping a little later in the mornings – that gives me a little bit of coffee time alone – but not much.
When my kids were little, I was wholeheartedly committed to the principles of attachment parenting. I remember the kids pre-school years as fun and full of joy, and at that point, we were planning to homeschool so there was no change of scenery in sight. I was happy with that plan, but if I’m honest about it, I admit that there were lots of days that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in desperate need of a nanny, a maid, and an all-expense-paid vacation to somewhere with sparkling sand and cabana boys.
As much as I enjoy my life, and I do recognize that compared to some situations out there my life has been nothing but roses, there have definitely been a couple of breaking points over the years that meant major changes for our family. These changes were needed, but probably should have been addressed sooner than they were. Once they were made though, the benefit to our family happiness was noticeable.
Never one for a pristine-clean house, when the kids were little it was pretty much always a disaster area. With little ones running around, it was really hard to keep them entertained and out of trouble long enough to get any real cleaning done, and whatever I cleaned, they’d messy again when I was in the hallway putting the cleaning supplies away. Since the kids were my priority, the house suffered. When PeaGreen was about 3 and a half or so, after a fight with my Loverly Husband, we finally got on a good housekeeping schedule (and the mighty Household Bossy Book was born). He and I both had roles to fill and after discussing what we had, and what we wanted to change, we were both more aware of the responsibilities that came with keeping up ‘our family’s’ home. It belongs to both/all of us, and though I don’t mind a larger portion of the housekeeping being heaped onto my plate since I am here, even LH and the kids have their ’chores’.
Another breaking point came when the kids started school. I was working (unpaid), trying to get a doula business off the ground, and dealing with the constant in-and-out of school, homework, being an active PTO member and volunteer – it was a lot. Since I was gone so much, it was harder to keep up with all the housekeeping myself, and so the Bossy Book got re-vamped, with the kids taking on larger responsibilities as chores. Then, due to a variety of circumstances, including a tragic miscarriage, I decided to put my personal career goals on hold, and soon after that we started homeschooling.
One of the benefits to having the kids in school though – and one that I miss greatly at times – is the amount of time that I had to myself. From 8AM to almost 3PM, even though I was still ‘on call’ for the kids if needed, it’s not the same as having them underfoot all day, every day. The initial adjustments to homeschooling were all about the good – it was such a welcome change from what we had been dealing with that the day-to-day hadn’t set in yet. Even as much as a year or so later, I think we were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
A couple of months ago, I reached another breaking point. I was ready to quit; even went so far as to look up enrollment information for the kids to go back to school. Part of me was dead serious about it. Part of me was indulging in a fantasy. I was having a super bad day/week, and anything that wasn’t ‘here’ and ‘me’ was better than what we had going on – being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. And of course, the reality that going back to school would not solve any problems; in fact, it would only add new and more awful ones to my already stressed-out plate. And so again, a necessary argument discussion with Loverly Husband about what we had and what was and what was not working was called for. He actually had a day off planned that week, and normally when he’s home, we’re off. But after discussing it, we decided to have school anyway, and let him see how things normally went.
Having a visitor for the day was a good thing*. Having Dad here to actually experience the way that we normally do school and the tactics that our (brilliant, clever and witty) kids have developed to circumvent my methods actually did help. I don’t typically harp on ‘discipline’ with my kids, but this is one area where lack of discipline (meaning ‘adherence to a structure’ and ‘self-discipline’ rather than ‘punishment’) was lacking. Instead of sticking to scheduled time frames, I was allowing pleading and negotiation when there really shouldn’t be any. School work is not negotiable (unless it is – in which case, it is presented as such) and is not up for discussion. That’s not to say that I don’t take their wants and needs into consideration; anyone who works with kids knows that in general, they are comfort-led. They’d rather take the easy route and that’s usually not the same as hitting the books (minor note here about child-led learning; I prefer a more parent directed approach until the basics are covered and their foundation is strong, after which their education will be more interest and strength fine-tuned. YMMV {wink}). Having Dad here to see how things work (and don’t) was a big help; his level of understanding what my day is/can be like, while still not the same as being the primary teacher, is better after having been involved all day. His suggestions and discussion with the kids, as well, helped bring us back to an even keel.
Another facet of this multi-layered issue is me. I have/suffer from/deal with clinical depression issues, and though I wouldn’t normally describe myself as an anxious person, my current medication includes an anti-anxiety component that I am finding extremely helpful. I have been on and off of medication in the past and have known for some time that I needed to go back on them. I did last month and things have been improving. Adjusting to new medication is kind of like a box of chocolates; I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are few and manageable.
Just to clarify, this post isn’t just griping about homeschooling. My point in posting this is to dispel any notion of the ‘homeschoolers are perfect’ style stereotypes and to illustrate how we work through problems in our family. We’re launching into the beginning of our school year, so I wanted to present an open look at what homeschooling can be like on the inside.
Yesterday was our first day back, and we’ve made some adjustments for this year. We generally have an enjoyable routine, though there have been bumps (and will yet be more in the future), we are committed to homeschooling. Helping everyone in our family understand that, and what their roles are, is key to successfully navigating home life – and homeschooling.
Warmly,
~h
* for clarification purposes: calling Loverly Husband/Dad a ‘visitor’ is not meant to imply that he’s not an active part of our homeschooling. As a homeschooling mom, I require his support and participation – but his primary role in our family is provider; mine is child and household care – that’s just the division of labor. Though we both weigh in on the kids’ education, that also is primarily my responsibility to manage. Use of the term ‘visitor’ only implies that he is not normally physically present in day to day schooling with us.
Girl’s Weekend Out
This past weekend, I got to take off with the girls for a couple of days Ren Festing it in Plantersville, TX. As much as I love my darling children and Loverly Husband, being a homeschool mom means that opportunities to pamper myself with time away from them are few and far between. I’ve been in a funk lately and this kind of break was very much needed.
If you haven’t been to a renaissance faire before, I highly recommend that you check one out, and if you are so fortunate to live near enough that you can attend Texas’ version, then you should most definitely put that on your list of Things To Do. Like our reputation suggests, in Texas, we do it bigger, and Ren Faire is no exception.
The Texas Ren Fest is one of the largest in the US, with 65 acres of Renaissance Goodness to be had. There are games, food and assorted craft vendors, plus tons of live entertainment – and the best part of all is the people-watching. From the elegantly made up professionally fancy-dressed staff to your average Joe and Jane with every culture and genre under the sun represented, the people-watching portion of the day is one of my favorites. We saw drag queen Geishas, a family of satyrs, gypsies and belly dancers, plenty of nearly-nude-but-for-chain-mail-clad barbarians and fur-covered Celts, elaborately costumed English Lords and Ladies, a Star Trek away team, a couple of Nazgul, Hobbits and Wizards and more than a few winged fey. Each weekend is a theme; this was the Highland Fling weekend, celebrating Scottish Culture, so there were many, many kilted men to oogle (and plenty to quickly look away from lest you see something you might wish you hadn’t). We joined the fancy dress fun as a band of gypsies complete with bells and coined skirts. Apparently, Saturday (Nov, 12) was a record-setting day, attendance-wise, with the most visitors on a single day, ever. How fun to be a part of that!
We truly had an awesome time. We walked and shopped, saw some shows (Tartanic (shirtless, sweaty men with bagpipes and drums *swoon*) and Sound and Fury (Testacles and ye Sack of Rome) stand out as the most memorable) and munched on tasty snacks – oh, so very much fun was had by all! Pictures! (Disclaimer: none of them were taken by me!)
Originally, our plan was to camp, but with the wildfires scouring the land (and they are bad – we saw acres of burned woods and dead trees on our drive out there), there are burn bans in effect pretty much everywhere, which makes camping not as much fun so we opted to hotel it instead. I don’t often get to do things like this without the kids, but when I do it’s always nice to come back home relaxed and in a better frame of mind. That said, I freely admit that I’m already looking forward to the next one!
Warmly,
~h
Just DO it.
If you’re unfamiliar with our schedule this year, we have school for four weeks, then take a week-long break, all year long (with a couple extra weeks in December, between the end of one school year and the beginning of the next, which is on Jan 1).
This week, thank all that is sacred in that which was, is and ever shall be, is our off week. We had kind of a wonky schedule over the summer, with a lighter workload and more days off than I’d originally planned. As is wont to happen, I started feeling like things were sliding, so in a fabulous (but misguided) flurry of organization and determination, I announced that we would henceforth be putting our noses to the grindstone and get back on track. Somehow, in my blaze of glory, I decided that the best way to accomplish this was to skip the last break, which put us at 6 weeks straight of school.
Oh, silly young Padawan… there is still much to learn.
The funny thing is, I already knew that this was a mistake. Our schedule last year was 6 weeks on, one off. We only had school 4 days a week, but I realized towards the end of the year that 6 weeks was too long. We all get burned out, and consistently, by the end of week 6, I was seriously struggling to get schoolwork organized and the kids were lollygagging about, doing any and everything but schoolwork. After 5 weeks, max, we all needed a break! This just goes to remind me that, even as a somewhat more experienced homeschooling mom (now that I’m almost through our 2nd year), that lingering ‘school’ mentality still exists.
So, in an effort to maybe have these things sink in (AGAIN), I give you my list of reminders why homeschooling is awesome:
- City ISD school year calendar and State Education Association list of skills by grade: these are not the schedules you’re looking for.
- There WILL BE gaps in their education. No matter where they go to school, or in what style they’re educated, or how many days and weeks they spend learning, there is always MORE to know. No two ideals of what is ‘core knowledge’ will match up, so stop trying to please everyone else! Teach them how to learn, and to love learning that they will be
FINEAMAZING. - For the love of Pete, stop trying to ‘catch up’. Education is a marathon, not a race. They’re going to be ahead in some things and behind in others. That’s okay… they’ll get there when they need to.
- Remember the fun stuff! Education is not just about book learnin’. There are arts and crafts and gluing macaroni and cotton balls to construction paper. It’s creating seed mosaics and painting with food dyes, exploring the world, doing it themselves, and learning at the knee of a seasoned professional with knowledge to share. Revel in the fact that you have freedom from the established norm – the amazing opportunity – to collect these types of learning experiences for your children. Be willing to go out and MAKE them happen for them!
- Breaks are essential to balance. Being parent and teacher is an extremely stressful job. It’s easy – too easy sometimes – to get caught up in the constant pressure and demand for educational excellence that homeschooling parents deal with. It comes from within and from outside – but it cannot rule your relationship with your kids. Take breaks often and enjoy them fully. Laze about and relax!
~h
The Mom I Am vs. The Mom I WannaBe
So I’ve been thinking about ‘celebrating the mom I am’ in response to an article over at Mothering Magazine. I love this article. I could have written it (in a ‘standpoint-wise’, not ‘talent-wise’ sort of way, I mean).
I try. All of us here in our house try. We wake up almost daily with yoga, meditation and reminders to be kind to each other. I need these things as much as the kids do!
Overall, I am pretty happy with the kind of mom I am. I know my strengths and am mostly fair about acknowledging my weaknesses, but there are always ‘those’ moms out there who make everything look so darn easy. I hate them as much as I envy them.. even while I know that the image they present is probably not the length and breadth of their mothering, it still stings a little when I see someone I perceive to be doing a better job than I am.
Along those lines is the ever-patient mom who never wants to be away from her kids. Her older kids, I should say. Lately, I’ve been contemplating the way I feel when I leave my children somewhere – at Gramps’ house or on rare opportunities to go out with the Girls and leave the kids home with Loverly Husband. As much as I needed to be with them when they were small and did not want or feel like I required time away from them as babies, I really need to be without them sometimes now. As a militant strong advocate of attachment parenting, this is an odd feeling to have.
I have joy when I get to go somewhere without them. The pure glee of being able to think only of and for myself is so nice… and I am at odds, emotionally with this feeling. Mentally, I see it as a developmentally appropriate step, and also a sanity-saving one. I love my Loverly Husband to bits and pieces, but put us in a small space for a prolonged period of time and he bugs the ever-loving snot out of me. My children, though part of me, are no less individuals – whole people – who, at times, are very, very annoying people. Like any other person, there does come a time when I wish to divest myself of their company for a while.
I’m a better mother – and homeschool teacher – when I have time away. I think that the time/togetherness factor is a big one for homeschooling parents. Other parents get 7+ hours, 5 days a week during the school year to re-group. I think that’s a little much for me; I’d be content with a few hours, consistently, once a week or so. When my kids were small, my sister and one of our friends had a babysitting co-op that we did every Monday. I am seriously considering looking for people to do this with again. Funny, I didn’t realize how seriously I was considering that until I typed it out – but I guess I am.
I think that part of celebrating the mom I am also entails looking for areas where I need to improve and taking steps to do so. I’ve mentioned before doing the Non-Violent Communication Workbook, and have been putting it off. In recent months, my grandmother’s health has been deteriorating, so my parents are moving in with her. This is an understandably difficult transition for all of them, but the dysfunctional communication that I’ve always known was there is rampant.
It’s ugly.
It’s harsh – and I realized that that’s how I sound when I talk to my kids sometimes. Talk about an eye-opener. Plus, as cycles are wont to do, I’m starting to see those communicative malfunctions in my kids. So in a Herculean effort to break this destructive cycle, we started the NVC Workbook together last week, as part of our school work. We’re on week one/chapter one, and I have another post in the works that details some of the chapter and workbook. So far, so good; we made posters that detail the four main points of NVC: What do I see? Feel? Need? and How can you help (request for action)? We’ve been practicing, and it’s going to tale a while to change the pattern, but it’s worth the effort to do so.
I’ve also been upping my meditation time. I have a space in my new bedroom that is dedicated to such internal musings, and I am making daily use of it. I’ve also been working on the 60 Ways to Nurture Myself list, trying to implement at least one daily; more if possible.
What about you? What does ‘being comfortable with the mom you are’ mean to you?
Warmly,
~h
Real Moms Kill the Mommy Wars
It seems like a lot of my favorite bloggers are writing about their various frustrations with the ‘mommy wars’ lately. The Feminist Breeder, The Stir, and Smrt Mama all have written thought-provoking pieces, and so I (never one to miss a bandwagon) thought I’d chime in with my thoughts as well.
I keep hearing all this noise about the ‘mommy wars’ and I have to say that the ONLY place I ever hear about it is in the media. Absolutely NO ONE that I know in real life has ever so much as alluded to being in competition with moms who work, or stay home, or use day-care, or don’t. In my community*, the moms support each other, they help where they can, and at the end of the day, they’re just too damn tired to worry about what Mrs. Smith/Jones/Wilson down the street is doing with her kids.
In the course of an average day, I may have any or all of the following things on my mind:
- feeding the children
- cleaning up after the children
- helping the children learn to clean up after themselves
- helping that behavior become a habit (can they not SEE that the kitchen trash can is FULL??)
- housekeeping
- keeping the fridge and pantry both clean and stocked
- educating the children
- keeping my Loverly Husband interested
- providing social opportunities for my children
- not letting clinical depression get the best of me
- why are the only bathroom smell options I am allowed limited to dirty socks-and-pee or bleach?
- motivating myself to do any of the 20 things that need to be done rightfreakingnow
- I really need to go visit my parents and my grandmother
- laundry
- my NYE resolutions
- planning next week’s lessons/activities
- I need to go have coffee with my friends
- I really want to work in my art journal
- sorting things into keep, sell, donate and throw-away piles
- family nutrition
- community service
- recent community events
- recent global events
- how to help
- how to talk to my kids about them and teach my kids to help
- I need coffee
- the song that’s stuck in my head
And that’s only a small sampling. I certainly don’t have time to even notice what Suzy Homemaker and Janice the Attorney are doing with their kids, much less worry about or compare. I take it on faith that she’s doing the best she can with the resources that she has available to her. If that means family that help her out or a nanny in the budget – well, more power to her. If she’s a single mom, struggling to make ends meet and ensure that her kids are fed and bathed (and must endure others taking on those tasks while she works a crappy job and goes to school for a few years so she can ultimately provide a better life for herself and her kids), then rock on, you hard-working, brass-balled WOMAN. Yeah!
Media portrayal of mothers at each other’s throats is a fantasy. It’s an unrealistic stereotype that grown ups don’t have time for. Every mother sees huge cracks in the persona that she presents to the world, and every. single. mom. has regrets and guilt over the paths that she did take and the ones she didn’t. Suzy Homemaker looks cool as a cucumber and so well-put together. Her kids hang on her and she rises above it all like the Empress of Compassion and Patience. In reality, she’s frazzled. She desperately wishes that she had a few moments to herself and could afford a pedicure. Janice the Attorney looks great in her power suit and can delegate without missing a beat. But you’ll never see her cry about missing Little Johnny’s first smile or steps or first day of school – instead, she has to hear about it from someone else. You also don’t see the boss in the background, or the snide remarks from the child-free that she endures because she dared to have a child instead of focusing on her career. And Sally Single Mom misses out on everything – at least for a while – without bitching-n-moaning about it. She doesn’t have time to complain, or worry what you think or say because she has precious few hours with her kids and she’s going to make the most of them.
Surely you see that these are stereotypes. Furthermore, I think they’re media-influenced stereotypes and that no one fits them for real. In truth, there are benefits and drawbacks to any course of action or choice as a parent. Being a stay at home mom is great. I love it 99% of the time. But it’s a lot of work, and it works for me. It may or may not work for you. Or for her. Or for them. And that’s fine. She loves working – it’s fulfilling in ways that I don’t understand (because that’s not my personality); and she doesn’t ‘get’ why on earth I’d choose to be home with the kids all day, every day. I don’t get why she’d put up with the double-duty of nurturing a career and child-rearing. That doesn’t mean that we don’t want the same things for out kids, or that we’re not both actively working to provide those things for our families in the best ways we know how.
So that’s my take. Real moms, be they work-for-pay or stay-at-home, send the kids to pre-school or homeschool through high-school, full-time or (is there really another option??), in sweats or Chanel – REAL MOMS don’t have time for mommy war crap.
Warmly,
~h
*perhaps I should clarify what I mean by ‘community’ here… I mean the intentional community of mothers (and fathers) that I have surrounded myself with; the wonderful mothers in my local playgroups, mothering support groups and homeschool groups, in the internet community and forums that I frequent and social networking groups I belong to; those from all walks of life, old friends and new ones, who support each other when their paths are on similar tracks and when life circumstances change and they find themselves on other tracks (planned or unplanned); when our choices and decisions mesh and when they don’t; where we’re all respectful of one another even when we disagree. This is not a community build without purpose, nor without effort. It’s taken years of dedicated and sincere women working together to create this space and I am so thankful to be part of it. If you’re one of those moms, then I say with absolute sincerity, ‘Congratulations. You effin’ rock.’
Confessions About Art and Science
After the upset of last week’s family drama, we’ve managed to get back to a remnant of our normal glorious schedule this week. I know I’ve griped about this before, but why, oh, why must there always be those couple of days of sheer hell to re-establish our normal schedule? We can manage a weekend just fine, and we can usually go back with only a minimum of hassle after a true ‘break’, but when there is an unscheduled interruption, it just throws everything off kilter. As ever, the first day is ok, but the second day… grrrr. ‘It must be Tuesday’ has as much meaning for us as a family as it does for Buffy fans.
Now that we’re back in school, there’s a part of me that really wants us to be where we would be lesson-wise if we hadn’t taken off. In school-school, I’d have said ‘screw you and your make-up work’ and let the kids fall back into place – I’m sure they’d have adapted and glossed over whatever was missed and would probably be none the worse off for it.
However, as a homeschooling family, there is no ‘gloss over’. Ever. We focus on mastery, so when we take off, especially unscheduled breaks, the planner adapts and we pick up where we left off. But the OCD record-keeper in my brain keeps pointing to the planner and screaming, ‘LOOK!! We should be starting lesson 4 this week – not in the beginning of through lesson 3!!!” and having a panic attack. I keep trying to shut her up with coffee, but she’s a persistent little brat. I blame it on not being allowed to have a Trapper Keeper when I was younger.
In amongst all of this internal turmoil comes the dilemma of how to fit in the essential electives. I call them ‘essential electives’ because even though they’re elective (as in ‘not core’), I still think they’re very important… though not as important as the core lessons. But still very important! That said, it’s been a while since we’ve really had time for art work. I confess, I hardly ever don’t always make time for art. It seems superfluous much of the time, and as much as I know, intellectually, that spending time on art work and art lessons is time well spent in rounding our my kids’ education, it seems less important a lot of the time when we’re struggling with mastering basic math concepts or grammar. I can’t possibly be the only homeschooling mom who feels this way, nor, I am sure, am I the only homeschooling mom who constantly finds herself resolving to block out time to spend on art this week. Okay, THIS week. No really, THIS week for sure!
Well, I can now style myself better than you because, though it took everything in me to let the other stuff go for a bit so we could focus on ART, by golly, we did it. As mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been art journaling lately, and with all of my art stuff sitting out just begging to be used, I decided to make good use it and of some older books by showing the boys how to make altered book art journals using paint and collage. And it was ever so much fun! We may not have gotten around to finishing the day’s core lessons, but since we’re 4 weeks into school and have done essentially nothing that was pure art, I’d say it was an excellent use of our time.
The boys take piano lessons almost every day with my grandmother (who lives next door), so it’s not as though their lives are devoid of The Arts. We also cover some art history (or at least the evolution of art) in our history lessons and some in our literature lessons, so they’re getting the instructional/academic part to some degree – but the actual hands-on, putting pencil or paint to paper gets lost in the shuffle of ‘real’ school work, I am sad to say. It is my newfound resolve to make time for more creative goodness with my kids over the next few weeks. I’d love to say ‘maybe a little every day’, but that might be a little unrealistic. As much as I enjoy artsy-craftsy stuff, the kids aren’t always interested. So, note to self: Balance, woman! Achieve it!
Science projects also tend to get shuffled to the back burner. Part of it is the time it takes to set up and clean up, but that’s mostly just an excuse and I know it. I have had a book called Jr. Boom Academy for years and we’ve done some of them; most are little projects that are quick and easy and can be done with little to no prep (which I like). We’re not coordinating all of our science projects to our science lessons necessarily, though I am sure at some point they will overlap; ‘getting’ to do these fun little mini-experiments is more a fun reward for a day well-managed, time-wise.
Today, after the majority of our core lessons were complete, we made pseudo-putty from white glue, food coloring and borax. The book called for things like pipettes and measuring; we winged it and it turned out fine. I guess I am going to have to invest in a couple of junior science/chemistry kits if we’re going to persist in this homeschooling business. If you have one that you love, please recommend in the comments. I’ve been looking and haven’t found one that looks ‘right’.
Our homeschool group is planning a trip to the Texas Regional Homeschool Science Fair in Houston in April, not to compete, but to get the kids excited about the process, then our group is hosting our own ‘show and tell’ science fair in June. I’m really looking forward to exploring more kid-friendly projects and working with the boys on the method so that they’ll be prepared for June, and for next year’s Science Fair.
So now that I’ve fessed up about my weaknesses publicly, hopefully that will help keep me accountable. Ask me about this post in a few weeks, lol.
Warmly,
~h
Homeschool Resolutions
I was reading Alicia Bayer’s Better Homeschool Resolutions this morning and thinking about mine. Since we started homeschooling well after the first of the year in 2010, I didn’t get the chance to make resolutions for school last year. I always make personal resolutions, and I didn’t want to mix-n-match, so I am creating a set just for homeschool.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, there’s not a lot that we’re going to ‘change’ this year. I only say that because I didn’t go into it with a ton of preconceived notions about how things were going to go, and so was able to be flexible and make changes almost every month so that my goals were better met. Not that there’s not room for improvement {wink}. There are some areas that we could stand to improve:
1: Make better/more use of JOURNALS. We have a ‘nature journal’ and a ‘science journal’ and a ‘math journal’… but their use could be much improved upon. I love the idea of an art journal as well, so we’re going to work on making better use of journals this year, both as creative outlets and as ways to showcase what they’ve learned over the year. We’re going to start fresh this year, with new journals in each subject – just regular journal sized notebooks. They’re on sale everywhere right now, but even a regular composition notebook will work for most things.
**if you’re interested in math journaling, here are a series of videos about math doodles that would make excellent additions to yours.**
2: Kids in the Kitchen! This one kinda overlaps with my personal NYRs; I keep thinking that the boys are not old enough to be able to cook unsupervised, but my friend was telling me that her girls (a little older and a little younger than mine) routinely make meals, and so I think that I am underestimating my kids’ abilities. I have a cookbook called Whole Foods for Kids to Cook that is published by La Leche League. I’ve had it since LBB was a baby (I got that and Whole Foods for Babies and Toddlers when I was making baby food – both excellent books!!) but haven’t every used it… so we’re using that as a curriculum of sorts this year.
3: Patience, patience, patience… this is an on-going effort for me, and proof positive that homeschooling does not = patient moms. I have a tendency to be quick and sharp in criticism, especially when my expectations aren’t being met, so my goal this year is to chill the frak out. I am working hard to remind myself that there is plenty of time, and that when they’re having fun, they’re learning more. I have an am re-reading How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk by Faber & Mazlish. They also have one called How to Talk so Your Kids Will Learn at Home and in School that I am ordering. It’s probably an overlap of techniques, but sometimes I need my hand held in a, ‘say THIS, not that’, ‘do THIS, not that’ kind of way. (Siblings Without Rivalry is a great book, too!)
4: Stay Strong all the way through each mod! One of the things noticed this past year is that I had a tendency to start slacking around the end of week 5 of each mod. Things would be fine up until that point and then I’d fizzle out. I’ve adjusted out schedule this year – each mod is 2 four-week sessions with a break in the middle instead of a long 6 weeks. I am hoping that schedule will fit better into what has become our ‘natural’ rhythm.
5: Word-A-Day. I really have a thing for archaic words, so websites like www.savethewords.org are quite popular in my browser history. One of my English teachers used to assign a word every week from The Superior Person’s Book of Words, which I always looked forward to. The kids have started attempting to make snide comments to each other, and as a sibling myself, I know that trying to stop that altogether is nigh impossible. If I have to hear it, then I think they can at least learn something from it and make their insults worth listening to. We’re going to start doing that with an eye towards increasing and improving vocabulary.
That’s only 5, but I think that’s a reasonable, reachable number. I think that these will be fun and interesting challenges to meet this year, and I am looking forward to getting started. Tomorrow is our first day ‘back to school’, and we’re ready!
Warmly,
~h
Kids will be Kids…and that’s Okay
I have been thinking about homeschooling and ‘image’ again. The other day, we had a couple of moms over and about 11 children ranging in age from 13-ish to 3 running in and out, and apparently ‘something’ happened between some of the boys. My first reaction in that situation is a raised eyebrow. That’s about it. Whatever happened wasn’t enough for any child to come running in crying and/or bleeding, which usually indicates that it wasn’t a major ‘thing’. But both of the moms whose boys were involved left, inexplicably. There was no discussion, there was no intervention to find out what happened and attempt to resolve the issue… they just packed up and left.
At first, I had no clue that anything was amiss. There were 11 kids running around, and since some kids (and moms) are of the sensitive variety, I can see how that much action in our small house might throw some people’s inner workings off. I figured that was what happened. I only found out about the apparent ‘thing’ later on, with the thought being that there was embarrassment on the moms’ part because of how the kids were acting at a homeschool group function. To put some perspective on this, both of the moms in question are or were very active in a local faith-based co-op. Overall, my impression of such groups is that image is of prime concern; how the children act is a direct reflection on how the mothers are perceived by the group and I’m sure to some degree, cast doubt on how good of an influence these children are on the others. There are several aspects to this scenario that bother me.
1. Mom gets so wrapped up in ‘image’ that she willingly accepts this conditional acceptance by her peers.
Why, oh, why do moms do this? Please repeat after me: ‘If my friends don’t like or understand my kids, then they’re NOT MY FRIENDS.’ Your children, in some ways, are a reflection of you. They aren’t mirror images, and their own personalities and thoughts and experiences will shape them differently than you, but on some levels, your kids reflect what you think is important. Presumably, you’re doing the best you can, instilling into your children the values and virtues that you think are important. If your friends don’t like or understand or accept your kids, then guess what. They don’t really like or understand or accept YOU, either. That’s really all there is to this point.
If the people who you are currently hangin’ out with are passing judgement on you, your lifestyle or your ability as a mother, then they don’t like you. Stop hanging out with them. You’re not learning anything from them. They are not enriching your life in any way. You’re setting a bad example for your children by putting up with that kind of crap. They’re making your life worse. Find new friends. Even if you can’t find new friends, being by yourself is less harmful to you than hanging out with those h8rs. Ditch ‘em.
2. The children learn NOTHING when ‘retreat and regroup’ is your primary coping mechanism.
Children argue. That’s a given. It’s normal. They’re emotionally and mentally immature people who lack essential communication tools to effectively handle a confrontation without loosing a grip on their emotions. That’s why they have parents – to help pack their tool box ‘on the fly’. As a parent, you hope that these teaching moments won’t come in public, but they so often do, and when the opportunity presents itself, you can either teach or run. I’m no paragon of perfection – I’ve lost my temper in public on more than one occasion with my kids (usually due to neglecting or not recognizing my own needs at the time), which generally necessitates running to the car or other neutral environment to assess the situation. But the kids don’t really learn anything about communication through ‘retreat and regroup’.
As homeschoolers, our kids aren’t subjected to playground wars or bullies – and thank goodness for that. Unfortunately, kids are kids pretty much everywhere, and conflict resolution is an essential tool that I don’t think is ever perfected. I think that letting our personal embarrassment get in the way of equipping our kids for healthy communication cripples them. And this ties back into the first point – why would you want to be a part of a group that does not respect the needs of the child, and that values the importance of a parent taking advantage of a teaching opportunity?
I have a great deal of respect for a mom who sees something that needs addressing - and not the ‘Hey stop that!’ kind of addressing – but really digs into it with her kid, looking behind the obvious and dealing with the issues behind an action that motivate the child. It takes effort and balls to stay calm in the face of a meltdown and communicate with your child when everyone around you is looking on with a keen and critical eye. It’s hard enough with strangers; I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be when you know that your ‘friends’ will be even more judgmental.
I’m not perfect, but for the most part, I’m content to give my boys enough space to work out their own troubles. I try to stay out of it, but with an open ear so that if I need to step in and help facilitate communication, I can. As difficult as this has been, now that they’re 8 and 7, I am starting to see real results from this method (yay!). That is to say, they can often work out issues with their friends with a few words, rather than it being a big blow-up thing. Factors like hormones, amount of rest, hunger, growing pains, ‘muchness’ – all of this plays a role in how our kids FEEL and ACT in any give day or situation. For that matter, all of those things also play a significant role in how WE feel and act – and respond to our kids. But as parents, we do our best to monitor and take into consideration what our kids NEED at the time and do our best to provide it so that they have a level playing field to work from.
That’s not always going to happen of course; my kids both require – REQUIRE – food every couple of hours. But I’m human and sometimes forget that – or get the notion that they ‘should’ be able to be okay without food for a little longer (which usually ends with a spectacular fail on my part), forgetting momentarily that children usually are doing the very best that they can right now… I believe that expecting more out of my kids than they’re able to provide is detrimental to the kids and to the structure of our family, so we try not to do that. Same goes for my friends and their kids. I expect them to do what they can. Sometimes leaving is the only option, but I sincerely hope that when you must have one of those ‘teaching moments’ with your kid, you can feel the vibes of support that I’m sending in your direction.
Warmly,
~h
ADHD, School and Homeschooling
Last night was the first support group meeting of our local ADDA-SR group. I was impressed. I don’t know what I expected out of it, but I was both surprised and pleased, and am so very glad that this is going to be a resource in my area.
Although I haven’t looked into it extensively, homeschoolers dealing with attention disorders don’t seem to have a lot of web-presence. My perception is that if you’re homeschooling an ADHD/ADD child, that’s no longer the focus of your day – you’re able to make the modifications to their educational program and style that are needed, and it’s not a ‘thing’ – it just becomes how you homeschool. After Googling it this morning, I did find a couple of interesting things – a lot of lip service about ‘being flexible’ and ‘incorporating action into learning’, but nothing was really specifically geared towards helping homeschoolers deal with attention disorders in the homeschool environment. I don’t know if that’s because we don’t find ADHD to be an issue when homeschooling, or we homeschoolers just have different issues that aren’t being addressed by the ‘experts’… maybe a little of both?
Something I did find interesting was this from Carol’s Web Corner:
1. We don’t homeschool. What can we do?
Of course you homeschool. You just call it helping with homework…For the child in the traditional classroom, you must appreciate how VERY difficult it is for our ADHD kids to keep control of their impulses in a room with many children. The noise level and the panorama of things in motion will elevate their level of excitability. The distractions are almost dizzying for them. They are almost destined for trouble. I’ve heard it said that a teacher trying to teach this child in such an environment is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it’s running.
This was a primary motivating factor for our decision to homeschool. LittleBoyBlue was not accomplishing his work at school, so we would spend hours doing homework. In effect, I was sending him to an 8 hour daycare, in which he received assignments, he came home and we ‘did school’ – only a very rushed and frustrated version of it because he’d just spent the previous 8 hours ‘doing school’, slipped some family time in before dinner and bedtime – only to do it all again the next day. No wonder we were all so very, very tired.
Being able to move at our own pace, which to some degree is motivated by the children’s natural rhythms, is much more productive for our family. One of the topics discussed at the ADDA meeting last night was that ADHD/ADD children generally have sleep issues – getting to sleep, staying asleep, getting quality sleep. I know this to be true for LittleBoyBlue. When he was a baby, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time, He woke frequently, and did not nap. He did not seem to need as much sleep as other kids, but he also tread a very fine line between ‘fine’ and ‘overtired’. If he slipped into overtired mode, then sleep was impossible to come by. I walked for miles to get this child to sleep most nights. When we were in school, sleep was imperative to his performance, and it was noticeable when he didn’t sleep well, which was most of the time. Being forced into someone else’s schedule was detrimental to his sleep cycle. Being told, ‘You HAVE to go to sleep!!” for several hours only added to his stress and inability to go to sleep, I’m sure (mommy fail moment)… homeschooling allows him to stay up later, follow his own routines and wake up naturally rather than being forced into a false time-table. I see this is hugely beneficial to his education.
Though attention disorders in homeschoolers exist, they’re not a ‘problem’ in the same ways that they are in a classroom environment, but it’s still an issue. How we as homeschooling parents deal with them is the main difference, I think. Homeschoolers aren’t bound by the need to balance the needs of 20 plus students – we may have only 2 or 4 kids and a unique understanding of our particular child, which goes a long way towards creating an environment in which the child can be successful.
I read most of Nurture Shock New Thinking About Children yesterday. I thought that this was an interesting book – not necessarily ‘helpful’ but interesting. Some of it was new info to me, other bits, I was aware of (or thought anyway). I was rather annoyed at the assertion that ‘following your instincts’ was really a product of societal conditioning; that’s a statement and stance that we’ve always taken with our kids and since our position on how to raise our children is in conflict with the vast majority of society, I fail to see how that applies… unless the book is written for people who fall into more mainstream ideas, in which case it makes perfect sense. One of the comments that a reviewer made on Amazon was that there’s a feeling of ‘so what?’ for parents. Even knowing these things about children and how they grow and learn, there’s not a lot that you can do about it in school. The school system is set up how it is set up and most are not open to change just because research suggests that this change might be in the best interests of the children. However, if you’re homeschooling, then you have a lot more freedom to change your child’s environment to match these needs.
One of the recommendations in Nurture Shock I found to be absolutely fascinating was the Tools of the Mind Early Childhood Education program. I found this book, Tools of the Mind – a Vygotskian Approach to Early Childhood Education, which I think is the same program (but am not 100% sure). As a parent with an ADHD child, I really wish I’d seen this method years ago. Another topic from the meeting last night was ‘executive function’, which TotM is designed to teach. For us, this comes in to form of oral work, narration and short writing assignments, games, having finger fidgets or an activity for his hands while I’m reading aloud… meeting him where he is.
Our speaker asked how we teach ‘listening’, pointed out that the ADHD child has no internal monologue to help them self-regulate, and that they get confused when too much stimulation is thrown in their direction. We covered the differences between ADD (inattentive), ADHD (hyperactivity), ODD (which is completely different from ADD/ADHD) and behavioral and personality disorders. Many symptoms overlap and each disorder can mimic another – so having the correct diagnosis for your child is crucial to successful treatment. There was a lot of emphasis on medication for treatment; I remain unconvinced that medication is a first step treatment option. Based on what I have read about medication (any meds/all meds to date), long-term research either shows detrimental results or has not been conducted to my satisfaction with results that indicate that the risk of not taking them would be less than the possible side effects or long-term effects for us. I am not ‘anti medication’. I am anti-medication for now. We have avenues of treatment that have not been explored yet. Obviously, your mileage may vary – this is merely my position on the subject relating to my specific child. You’ll get no judgment from me if you’re contentiously medicating!
As a homeschooling parent, I don’t find my son’s attention disorder to affect our homeschooling day in a way that we can’t adapt to most of the time. I wonder how much of ADHD’s bad rep is because of our unrealistic expectations for our children – to think that a 5-year-old little boy can and should sit at a desk and be still and quiet is unreasonable. It is beyond the reach of the vest majority of small children, yet we routinely strip them of their coping mechanisms and heap even more expectation and stress on them – no wonder attention disorders are on the rise!
Of course I do recognize that there are chemical components to ADHD that need to be addressed. But for us, regulating sleep, adjusting our environment and expectations, not pressuring our child to do or be something that we know is outside of his capabilities – those steps have been enormously helpful in ‘treating’ the symptoms we see. Using a checklist, he clearly has attention issues but homeschooling allows us to accommodate him and makes him less aware of them, which makes them… less of an issue.
Overall, I am extraordinarily interested to see what this support group offers over the next few months. Though the group seems to be geared mainly towards teachers and professionals, parents are most welcome, and homeschooling parents, I think, are an underrepresented group in this dynamic. If you’re a homeschooling parent to an ADHD child, I’d recommend looking up a group in your area and seeing what they have to offer.
Warmly,
~h
P.S. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed… the tag isn’t called ‘rambling thoughts’ for no reason! {wink}
Thoughts on Working Independently
Something that I used to struggle with on almost a daily basis was the expectation of what my child ‘should’ be able to do. One of the main reasons we decided to homeschool was because LittleBoyBlue was not able to complete his work independently in a classroom setting. He’s not learning disabled (though the school system and his pedi really tried to stick that label on him); what he needs is for someone to be right there with him to help him stay focused on his task.
Looking back, I think that I was laboring under the impression that homeschooling would ‘solve’ the problem of his inability to work independently at this stage. For months I was struggling and trying to get him to work independently on a worksheet or reading assignment only to com back 20 or 30 minutes later to find that he’d done nothing. This was a completely unrealistic expectation on my part because no matter what the school system’s policy and procedure is, the fact remains that some children just do not fit that model. I knew this, and yet for a while there I was making both of us miserable as I kept attempting to stuff him into this mold and concept of what I needed him to do.
Obviously, I don’t advocate following in my footsteps. Once I examined why homeschooling seemed to be so very challenging on some days, I realized that the problem in the equation was me. The first thing that needed to happen was an adjustment in my thinking. We’re homeschooling, not to fit my needs, but his. Attempting to homeschool in a similar format that wasn’t working in class wasn’t going to work. Even though our feel was different enough that I told myself it was different enough for him, it wasn’t.
Over the months that we’ve been homeschooling, we’ve made some changes that really should have been made in the beginning. Sure, we could go the whole unschooling route, but that’s just not right for us (at least not right now), so there is some desk work, and I do want him to be able to work independently at least some of the time so that I can work one-on-one with PeaGreen. But not all day, not for every assignment, and even now, it’s a struggle some days to shift gears mid-stream when it’s not working. But sometimes, in order for the day to be successful, we need to make a change quickly even if that throws me off. I’m getting better at being adaptable on very short notice.
These days, we’re doing a lot more of his work together (with him at my desk unless I’m working with my other son at my desk), working orally instead of long periods of time where he was expected to write a lot, working on the chalkboard (we have a large one on the wall in our school room) so he can stand and move instead of sitting at a desk, working on the computer – just trying different things for him that meet his needs better than trying to fit him into a mold that he clearly has broken.
It’s really hard to let go of the thought that homeschooling will solve whatever problem our kids have. Well, it can, and does, but not without a learning curve and some adjustment in our thinking as well. Though I am no expert, I’ve learned that what I see or think of as ‘a problem’ probably isn’t – it’s only a problem when I tried to apply the ‘classroom model’ to my child. But realizing that the classroom model didn’t work for my kid is the reason we’re homeschooling. It’s a weird loop and it took me a while to realize that’s where I was.
Since we’ve implemented creative strategies to help meet him where he is, things have been much better. Every day isn’t perfect (today is a case in point reminder of that), but in general his ability to complete assignments and overall enthusiasm for learning has improved, as has his cooperation and attitude. Taking that into consideration, even though we’ve had a few blips and bumps along the way as we settle in, I am thankful that I came to this realization earlier rather than later because seeing him enjoy school again has really made me a happy mama.
Warmly,
~h
There Will be Gaps
I was lying in bed this morning thinking about school. My oldest, LittleBoyBlue, started Kindergarten at a charter school that opened its doors that year. His class will be the first class that will graduate from there that would have gone through the school from K-12.
It sounds silly, but I was stressing over whether or not he’d be able to go back and graduate with his class if he wanted to; whether or not I would be able to keep his education ‘on-track’ with the school so that would at least be an option open to him if he wanted it. Specifically, I was thinking about math and science. Since that was the school’s focus, and those are my weakest areas, I was giving in to a moment of self-doubt that I would be able to measure up when it comes to those fields.
From there, that progressed to thinking about gaps in education, overall. We homeschooling parents hear that a lot, I think – not only from outside sources, but for many of us it’s a constant loop that runs in our own head. I was reading something the other day that was talking about homeschooling and someone commented that it was unfair of parents to homeschool since they could not possibly hope to be as well-versed in a single subject the way that teachers were, and that by attempting to fill those shoes homeschooling parents were denying their kids the expertise of the teachers and the education that goes along with that.
Though that’s a somewhat valid point, it’s just not that black and white. Yes, teachers are experts in their fields, but being knowledgeable does not mean that one can actually teach the material. Many teachers simply lecture and expect the students to ‘get it’. If the kids don’t, then there isn’t time in the schedule to really go in-depth with a student to ensure the he grasps the lesson or skill, and if he skates by with a barely passing grade, then they don’t really take the time to go back over it with them. The only alternative offered usually is remediation, which is often after school or on weekends. That interferes with family time and many parents are reluctant to give up the already limited time they have with their kids.
That stance also does not take into account any child who does not learn within the system. School is set up ONE WAY. If you don’t learn well or at all in that way, then you’re given a label and if you’re lucky, some special ed. But even then, you’re still expected to function within the environment of school. If you have a child that does not do well in a school setting, and even if you do, homeschooling allows for both the time to linger on a subject or specific lesson in order to master it and the leeway to pursue alternatives to the ‘lecture and learn’ variety of teaching that many junior high and high school teachers rely on.
I have a high school diploma. I am woefully deficient in even basic math skills. I know how to do math, and given time, I can figure it out, but I have to really think about it. Ask me a math question expecting expect a quick answer and I get flustered and go into panic mode, basically ‘forgetting’ that I do actually know how to do figure the answer. Even if I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, I know what tools to use to figure the problem out, and if it was a process that I needed to use frequently, then the skills would stick at least a bit from repetitive use.
I think that the kids will be the same way – if they don’t know the answer to a question, they’ll know where to go to find it. I think that’s the goal of education – a foundation of basic knowledge and the ability to seek out the information you need when you need it. The foundation changes depending on the state you live in, the method you use and your personal experience and opinion of what is ‘essential’ to know, so even there, a homeschooling parent has quite a bit of leeway to work with. And, just as teachers specialize, homeschooling parents can, too, to a degree.
I’m also not relying solely on my own knowledge to educate my kids. My husband’s academic skills run strong in areas that I am weak and we see his contributions to our kids’ education every but as essential as mine. My dad is also gifted in math (which caused no end of frustrations to me when I was little and just didn’t ‘get it’) and is more than willing to help if we need it. We also live in a city with several professional tutoring agencies and learning centers that we can utilize if we need them. When we took on full responsibility for our kids education, we didn’t go into it with pie in the sky, ‘this’ll be so fun!’ blinders on. We knew it would be a lot of time and energy and hard work. But then again, I tend to think that as a parent, it was always my responsibility to ensure that my kids got what they needed.
The conclusion I have reached is that there will be gaps in my kids’ education. They may come from lack of interest, because we didn’t get to it, or because they just haven’t needed it yet. That doesn’t mean that we’ll abandon the basics – obviously, reading, writing and arithmetic (and grammar and science) are on the menu for quite some time yet. But if we eschew studying ancient Greece for an in-depth examination of ancient China, or get lost in classic literature and gloss over neo-classical art, I think they’ll still have a well-rounded education.
Warmly,
~h
World Breastfeeding Week 2010
In an article that I wrote for our local Macaroni Kid Newsletter (You can see it at Whole Mothering Center with the images in tact; MK’s site doesn’t allow images), I challenged breastfeeding moms who’ve stuck with it through difficulties, for several years, and/or nursed several babies to talk and/or blog about what aspect of breastfeeding it was that made them love it so much. I don’t think I’ve ever posted many pictures of me breastfeeding my babies, now 7 and 8 years old, so I’m going to do that in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week.
I’ve worked with several organizations over the past 8 years; this picture is of me at the first La Leche League meeting I went to after PeaGreen was born (I’m actually breastfeeding both boys and holding a conversation all at the same time *gasp*). In that time, I’ve heard so many stories – of success, or failure, of hard work, of everything working beautifully from the first moment to mom ultimately deciding that breastfeeding just wasn’t for her. I’ve watched women become more confident, I’ve watched them struggle with criticism and bad advice and the stories are both satisfying and infuriating to listen to or read.
My own experiences lean more towards the ‘overcoming difficulty’ camp but are overall absolutely wonderful. I would not trade nursing my babies for anything. It’s something I always knew I would do. My mom nursed my brother for a year, my grandmother and aunts all nursed; it’s just how the women in my family fed their babies.
When LittleBoyBlue was born, it took a while for both of us to get the hang of it. He had a fever when he was born and so spent some time in the nursery. I didn’t know then that it was hospital policy to give ‘sick’ babies a bottle. That screwed us up for weeks! He ended up with nipple confusion (a condition where the baby tries to breastfeed by using their tongue in the same way he would use it to drink from a bottle – it doesn’t work; its two completely different mouth and tongue movements) and promptly put blisters on my nipples and made nursing extremely painful.
Even asking for help from the nurses didn’t get much help; the nurse who came in to help get him latched on brought in a bottle of glucose water and stuck that in his mouth to ‘get him going’, then tried to shove him onto my breast – then she left before he ever started sucking with a, ‘You’ll get the hang of it!” thrown over her shoulder as she exited the room.
All told, it took about a month of cringing every time he was hungry. I had sore, raw and bleeding nipples and there were days where I just cried at the thought of nursing. I remember one day having ENOUGH and getting out the hand pump and fully intending to stop torturing myself.
Somewhere at the four-week mark, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong. I pulled out my books and started looking back into all the breastfeeding sections of the pregnancy books that I’d skipped over. I’d naively assumed that just because I wanted to breastfeed, and because it was natural that it would just work. That it would be easy. It never once entered my mind that there was technique involved, or mechanics that all had to be right in order for comfortable breastfeeding bliss to be enjoyed.
Once I started reading, especially the ‘troubleshooting’ sections, I figured out that my stubborn babe was tucking his bottom lip in instead of making fish lips. That was what was causing so much pain and frustration. I went in and flipped his lip out and was amazed at how much of a difference that one tiny thing made. Of course, it still hurt – I needed time for my nipples to heal – but wow – the difference was incredible. From that point on, things got better every day.
At some point right around this time, I recalled my friend’s mom mentioning La Leche League and something about breastfeeding help. I decided to see what that was all about and gave the local leader a call. I remember asking her if I could bring the baby and she said, “Yes, please do!”. That first meeting was really neat. I met several other breastfeeding moms and was introduced to the baby sling (as a mother, which is wholly different from seeing a woman with a sling baby when you don’t have kids). That event helped make me into the mom I am today. Oh, I’m not crediting LLL with shaping my ideas – those were in place long before LLL. But being involved with LLL meant that my ideas were continually reinforced to the point that I didn’t question myself the same way I would have if the only mothers I’d been around were formula feeding. The prevailing mindset of LLL moms is more earth-mama-crunchy-granola-attachment-parenting, and though I was already there, I might not have been as comfortable with talking about what I thought was right for my kids as I now am. I can wholeheartedly credit LLL for succeeding in their mission of support in my case.
Knowing what I know now, I would have gotten involved in LLL or another breastfeeding support group during my pregnancy instead of waiting until I was having problems. The camaraderie of the mothers and support provided in that kind of environment is invaluable. Even now, one of the things that I learned then that I took to heart most was the need for support as a mother. Having your choices reflected back to you by mothers you respect is the ultimate validation, which gives you confidence. It’s also nice to have several mothers whose experience you can draw from when you’re struggling.
With PeaGreen’s pregnancy, I was still nursing. LittleBoyBlue was only 9 months old when I got pregnant and again, being involved in LLL gave me access to information that I might not have had otherwise, and put me in touch with other moms who had nursed through a pregnancy and tandem nursed. I’m sure that seems odd to some people, but for me, nursing was such a normal part of how I mothered my child that I just wasn’t ready to change that. Even at 9 months, LittleBoyBlue was obviously not ready to wean, so we just didn’t. I got a lot of criticism – from family, from nurses and even the midwife I saw at the beginning of my pregnancy. There wasn’t much published on nursing through pregnancy or tandem breastfeeding (nursing two children of different ages) at the time, so I once again turned to La Leche League.
I was put in touch with Hilary Flower, who was writing the book that became Adventures in Tandem Nursing. She sent me some info to bring to my midwife, which made such a difference in my own peace of mind. You can only hear that you’re doing it wrong so many times before you start to wonder if you really are doing it wrong. Turns out I wasn’t, and we continued breastfeeding through my pregnancy. When PeaGreen was born, he latched on like a pro (though I was surprised at how different nursing a newborn was compared to nursing a 19 month old babe; I’d forgotten how small new babies were!) and within a few hours of his birth, we were officially a tandem nursing trio.
Tandem nursing wasn’t something I set out to do; it was simply the best option for us for a variety of reasons. I’ve had a few friends who found themselves pregnant while still breastfeeding and some have continued to nurse and some have not and I respect their decisions fully. I would not choose to do it again, though if I found myself in a position where it was necessary, I would. Looking back, I think that we made the right decision.
Aside from the numerous documented and obvious reasons why breastfeeding is superior to artificial baby formulas, think that the relationship of the nursing pair is a big part of what draws mothers to it, especially if they’ve breastfed before. You have this connection with your breastfeeding child that you don’t have when you bottle feed. It’s not even about what’s in the bottle (though I am adamantly opposed to formula for my babies); it’s about nurturing at the breast. That’s not something that you can replicate in other ways. You can come close, but it’s just not the same. So many parenting books equate breastfeeding with a ‘nutrition only’ mindset, and if that’s how you look at it then you’re really missing out on a huge part of what makes breastfeeding so special. It may take work to get to the point of breastfeeding bliss, even for the experienced nursing mom – but once you do, it’s so worth it.
Warmly,
~h
Not All Fun and Games
We had a really crappy morning in school today. I don’t know why this surprises me. It happens every time we start back with desk work after a break. Yesterday was the more or less ‘official’ start of M5. We’re actually running about a week behind. That’s okay though; one of the supreme advantages of homeschooling is that it’s flexible enough to take breaks when you need them. PeaGreen’s birthday and ensuing celebratory activities, combined with the constant go-go-go of Summer Activities over the past few weeks, have us all drained. We needed a bit of an extended break, so we took one. That’s all well and good, but for some reason going from ‘break’ back to ‘routine’ is excruciatingly painful. Especially the first few days. It’s like running around trying to catch all of the raindrops from one storm in a cup – you’re constantly moving but making little progress.
Then there are the mulishly stubborn offspring to factor in.
Let’s hear it for the child who can take something as simple as 2 + 2 and come up with EVERY ANSWER BUT 4 and insist – insist – that 9,276 is a viable option. We spent almost an hour solving this riddle: ’I begin with /ch/. I rhyme with lamp. I am another word for winner. What am I?’ Keep in mind that his spelling words this week ALL begin with /sh/. His grammar for today was a worksheet focusing on the /sh/ and /ch/ sounds. His favorite song in the world is ‘We Are The CHAMPions’ by Queen…. suffice it to say that the boy KNEW the answer and was flat out REFUSING to say it. He danced all around it. ‘Tramp’ ‘camp’ were two offerings that stand out in particular as taunting Mom instead of just finishing it. We ended up putting it all on the chalkboard and he was left with no option but to write ‘champ’. Then he finished the last 2 riddles with virtually no problem.
I recounted this story to my BFF & SFK (both of whom came to a potluck/swim day event at our house this afternoon) and got the expected chuckles at my frustration… BFF asked PeaGreen why he wanted to torment Mom like that, and his response was his standard, “That’s the way how I roll” with a big fat grin. Who would’ve thought that a 7-year-old child could be that diabolical? It positively staggers the mind. It’s impressive when you’re removed from the situation, really. That he could hold out for that long on his little tangent before finally tiring of the game and deciding to finish up so he could go play with his friends says a lot for his future as a lawyer.
Then there’s the other one… 8 years old and already a champion procrastinator. If he applied one tenth of the effort that he put into avoiding doing his work into actually finishing it, he’d be the speediest student in history. His spelling assignment today was a cryptogram style worksheet where you have to figure out which number = which letter, then fill in the blanks with the right letters to match the numbers. It wasn’t difficult, just time-consuming. He piddled. He fidgeted. He went to the bathroom. He sharpened his pencil. He got the cat out of his basket (on his desk where we store school books). He got a drink of water from his water bottle and dropped the cap. It took 10 minutes to find it and four other things under his desk. He added a letter. The repeated the process. Frustrating!! We won’t talk about the language arts lesson. We just won’t.
I honestly don’t know what to do on days like this – where it’s just a battle of wills that apparently must (for some reason) occur in order to settle back into the daily grind. If we had not just had a 2 week break with zero schoolwork of any kind, I’d have just scratched school for today. The most annoying part about this is that normal tactics of logic and sympathy just don’t work. If they did, then I could simply empathize that yeah, it sucks to go from carefree playtime to recalling how math works, but we want to learn things and to some extent, this is how we do that*. But no matter what logic you throw at them, no matter how much you sympathize, they won’t have any of it.
Once I’m out of my funk and irritation, looking back I can pick out the parts of the scenario that I would admire if it involved another adult. My kids are tenacious and goal oriented – they know what they want (in this case, not to do school work) and are willing to go the extra mile to accomplish it. They do know when their rock meets a hard place and understand that sometimes giving in is the best course of action. I can never say that they didn’t give it their all – they tried everything they could think of to get out of doing work today. I’m not sure what lesson we all learned today (and I’m sure we’ll repeat this scenario again…) but I do know that I need to figure out how to work smarter, not harder – I need to brainstorm on how to motivate them better.
Oddly, I don’t get a lot of protesting with the actual work once they get past the mental block that they throw up when we start a new mod. I kind of wonder if the farther we settle into homeschooling the smaller these kinds of hurdles will be. With PeaGreen, especially, it seems like if we go even a day without reading something, he slips back into such a negative head space with reading that it’s really hard to pull him out of it. Even with as crappy as this morning was, we managed to overcome that negativity relatively quickly and move on to actually sounding out the letters and reading the words (instead of seeing a mass of words and freaking out because there are so many). LittleBoyBlue, once he realized that I was not, in fact, kidding about tacking on extra writing if he didn’t get on the ball, actually finished his work with a fairly decent attitude. It took a while, but they both completed the assignments given to them and we were able to visit with our friends and carry on with the afternoon with basically no conflict.
If we hold true to form, tomorrow will be awesome. Actually, this afternoon as pretty great. We had friends over to swim and managed an impressive 3 hours in the pool. The kids played well together (all 9 of them!) and we three moms got to chat for a bit without having to regulate too many kid disagreements. When we came back inside we pulled the watermelon that we popped in the freezer before we went out and had frozen watermelon slices – so yummy!
Incredibly, it didn’t seem like that many kids when we had them all running around.
‘This, too, shall pass‘ is an often tossed out phrase among the mothering groups and forums I frequent. When you think about it, that’s a phrase that almost never has anything good come from it. If things are bad, then you’re repeating it over and over again while simultaneously looking for solutions and strategies that work better than whatever you’re doing right now that isn’t working. When things are good, that phrase is a reminder that the days are slipping by quickly and to hold on to that moment.
As I write this, my kids are gone. When my sister came to pick up Fred to go home, the boys managed to get permission to spend the night over there since Fred’s coming back here in the morning. Loverly Husband and I have spent the evening in near silence, just reveling in the quiet. Strangely enough, I actually miss them. As awful as this morning was and much as I need the break, and though I am supremely grateful to my sister for taking the kids off my hands for the evening, I am very much looking forward to tomorrow’s lessons and a fresh start.
We’re headed to my other sister’s house in Jasper tomorrow, so we’re planning a little car-schooling. I’ll print out some of their work and we’ll take workbooks for the drive. We’re planning on hitting Martin Dies Jr. State Park either tomorrow or Friday for the TX Nature Challenge mission there. It’s been a while since we’ve done one so this should be fun. Or we might just laze around the house. Plans are in the ‘as yet undetermined’ state at this juncture.
Warmly,
~h
*No method debates here, please – we’re working hard to integrate three distinct learning styles here and to some extent, desk work will always play a part in our homeschooling. When I say ‘desk work’ it’s not necessarily ‘working at a desk’. I use that term to describe anything that is from a workbook, worksheets and assignments with lots of handwriting or written demonstration of lessons learned. Some homeschoolers opt not to keep track of progress with written work, others do. I choose to keep track this way for my own peace of mind, to show their dad and as a CYA-type thing if we ever get called to the carpet to prove what we’ve been doing with the kids’ education. Texas is easy to homeschool in now but it may not always be that way. Plus, even though writing may be drifting towards obsolete as technology becomes more and more integrated into daily life, that also may change one day. Just because we type more than we write doesn’t mean that writing shouldn’t be an integral part of education. My kids do an actual handwriting/penmanship lesson in addition to journaling and the written portions of whatever lesson we’re doing that requires writing. Boys, especially, seem to have a harder time with writing assignments so I try to keep writing assignments short, sweet and pretty narrowly focused. But however much they protest, write they most certainly will.
A Couple of Updates…
It occurs to me that over the past few months, I’ve made mention of things that I never followed up on. One such item was the ‘bring your bags’ reminder sticker from Conserving Now. I got mine in; this is what it looks like:
Another was the free water testing kit:
(we have soft water - the test strip was green, but the kids were playing with it before I snagged a picture and the pad got torn. Underneath it was the odd pink color – wonder what makes that happen?) I was unimpressed with this little kit – I was expecting something more… grand, I suppose. Something to test lead levels or toxins or something more impressive than ‘is your water too hard?’. Oh, well – the kit was free and the kids had fun ‘testing’ it so it was worth it in the end I suppose.
Something else I made mention of frequently in the past was the Creativity Boot Camp. {sigh} I am such a quitter. I didn’t finish it. I got through the weekend on it and just… lost interest. I think it was my medium. I think my expectation was (unconsciously) that the workshop was going to improve my skills in whatever medium I chose. That was unrealistic and I see in retrospect that the point of the workshop was to inspire, not necessarily hone skills one does not inherently possess. I chose drawing (pencil/charcoal) as my medium, and the bottom line is that I really suck at drawing. I am disappointed with myself for not finishing it, but that’s not going to motivate me to finish the workshop in that medium (if I’m being honest, which I am). I DO want to try again with a different medium – photography or writing, maybe.
I actually went today to a new writing group’s discussion meeting this afternoon, which is probably the first thing all summer that I’ve done exclusively for ME that required appropriating childcare. I am not really sure what I was expecting, but it was nice to talk with other people who are interested in writing as more than strictly a hobby. I started my first novel (an epic historical romance) when I was 16. I still have the manuscript. It’s gone from hand-written to digitalized – even bought software once upon a time to help me keep the massive family trees straight. I have since created many, many outlines and story concepts, but have completed very few of them. I have fantasies about being interviewed and talking about how it took ’20 years to write this book’, lol. Silly, I know – but fun to think about anyway.
School was supposed to start this week – M5, week 1. We’re… still on vacation, I think. We’ve been goinggoinggoing all summer long and it is really taking a toll on me. Trying to get desk-work and workbooks in for the last couple of weeks has been challenging, so we’re dropping all that for now with plans to pick it back up in a couple of weeks. This week though, I think we’re just vegging a little more. I may have to adjust my school year calendar for next year to allow a bit more of a mid-year break to keep from burning out. Maybe 2 weeks between mods during the summer? We shall see.
Somehow, it still surprises me that I have to make adjustments. I don’t know why that it, but it always manages to catch me by surprise. Part of it is fear of failure, I think. When things don’t work out how I envisioned them, I automatically file it under ‘fail’. I’m working on creating a new filing system – one that doesn’t affect me so negatively. I know I’ve talked about my youngest as being this deep well of negativity, and I know where he gets it from so I can’t really complain about it. I’m working on improving my own outlook so I can help my kiddo. Being a mom is a complex and often humbling job and it seems that they forget to include that in most manuals. Recognizing your own faults staring back at you from the innocent face of your child… that’s not an easy mirror to look into.
Enough waxing on the joys of motherhood, eh?
If you haven’t checked out Postcrossing, then this is yet another PSA from me to do so immediately! We’ve gotten cards from all over – Taiwan, Brazil and several US states, and have sent cards to all over as well. It’s so much fun getting mail! REAL mail – not bills or advertising for stuff you didn’t ask for that you don’t need and wouldn’t want.
So that’s a quick update on what’s been happening at mi casa. How ’bout you? Anything interesting popping up on your radar?
Warmly,
~h
Back into the Routine
This morning started out a bit disappointing. I really expected us to pick right up where we left off a week ago and for things to move along swimmingly. In retrospect, I don’t know why I thought that since none of us are particularly quick to adapt to new things (be they schedules or shoes). One of those silly super-mom things, maybe?
I think the break was good; it gave the kids a lot of time to re-charge and me some much-needed time to plan. I’m better prepared going into this mod than I was when we pulled the kids out of their former school. Over the break this past week though, I think I failed to help them stay in the mindset we were in at the end of the least mod. Failed may be too strong of a word. On one hand, I wanted to take a complete break – to let the kids really pursue their own thing – and they did. It was more entertainment driven than academic driven though, and part of me is disappointed by that. Maybe it’s vanity? Could it be that “now that I’m a homeschooling mom”, some small part of me wants them to be academically driven 90% of the time or something? That’s dumb, but I can’t guarantee you that in some dark corner of my mind, a part of me wasn’t expecting that. Realistically, I don’t want them to be little encyclopedias. I want them to be well-rounded, and to know how to enjoy life – so that precludes becoming little egg-heads who are book-smart with no common sense or social skills. We went straight from school-school to homeschool, so we probably really needed some time to adjust to our new reality. “Break” meant ‘veg-out’ to all of us this past week, and I’d like to feel like that wasn’t a bad thing. Not too much TV (more than usual, but sprinkled liberally with days outside, plus they were grounded for the latter half of the week, so that helped, lol). I do feel like I could have helped create more opportunities for natural learning; though we did hit the library Wednesday as scheduled, and LittleBoyBlue took much more interest in seeking his own books (outside of the ones I assigned him), so that makes me happy. I’ll definitely work on making more of an effort to expand daily activities into learning ones next break though. I wonder how much of that will start to come naturally the further away from “school” we get? It seems like a sort of natural transition; I’m curious to see how that plays out.
Accomplishments during the break:
… not much, other than lesson planning for this mod. {sigh}. We did hit the library (as mentioned) and Manning’s (local school/office supply store) and got a new wall calendar/weather station and some other materials that we’ll use for this mod (I think I mentioned the math manipulatives in a previous post). I made more sourdough bread and have a starter for Amish bread that we’ll make tomorrow for Tuesday Tea.
Disappointments during the break:
I didn’t touch my sewing or even get started organizing my office. I forget what all else I said I was going to do, and thinking back, I can’t really remember what we did do. It seems like a waste… In the grand scheme of things I know it wasn’t, but to look back and not see visible evidence of accomplishment in my home (other than my lovely filled-out lesson book) is disappointing.
Not that this is an “excuse”, but my maternal grandparents are both in (different) hospitals, and my grandfather is not expected to make it home. My mom has spent the past week and is still in Houston with them. We went funeral clothing shopping and have discussed death and dying and our beliefs regarding the afterlife with the kids, as well as expectations, proper behavior and what they might see and feel at the funeral. That falls more under “life lessons” than school, but I’m glad we had the opportunity to talk about those things before there is need. It would be harder for me if I had a closer relationship with my grandparents, but due to a difference of opinion on religious outlook, I’m somewhat of an outcast. I feel bad for my mom; even though she conforms religiously, I think she’s a bit of an outcast herself, and I think she really regrets that they couldn’t show her more non-verbal approval and support than they have. Telling someone that you love them and are proud of them, that you believe in them and that you’re necessary in their life is one thing. To make them believe it, you have to show it. Frequently. I think a lot of people miss that. I know I’m guilty of not doing that enough, with my friends especially. I don’t have as much of a problem letting my family know what they mean to me, but friends – geesh. I have a much harder time letting them in. It’s easy to see areas of your life where you’re succeeding. It’s much harder to admit where you’re failing. I’m working on peering into those depths.
On the plus side, we spent several days visiting with my SIL and niece and nephew, who stayed with us for the first part of the week and then again this past weekend. We don’t often have company, especially overnight company, so it was a nice change of pace. I really enjoyed having my 2yo nephew underfoot. He’s adorable, and that’s my favorite age – so it was all-round pleasant. I’m also enjoying the closer relationship with my SIL. We drifted for a while, but we’re getting closer and it’s nice.
School-wise, I was fielding a lot of complaints today, which is frustrating. It took us longer to get through lessons, which is also aggravating. That’s a direct result of the complaining, which makes for a grouchy mom and grouchy kids. I know that part of the complaint has to do with how much writing we’re (well, they’re) doing. More compared to last mod, but they both have horrible handwriting – it’s not something we focused on, so we’re going back and re-forming the foundation there. Just about the only way to do that is to write, write, write…practice, practice, practice. Even doing it on the chalkboard or whiteboard, in crayon or markers – however “different” one tries to make it, it’s still “writing” and as such is boring (according to my kids). I am going to try the fingerpaint-in-Ziplocks method mentioned on Teachers.Net Gazette, though I think we’ll use pudding in a bag with food coloring since I am lacking finger paint at the ‘mo. I re-found a book I’ve had for ages, The Psychology of Children’s Art by Kellogg and O’Dell, and it’s so neat! Many of the pictures used as examples are finger-painted, so I’ll probably be obtaining some finger-paints and paper in the near future for the kids.
We’re also getting into science experiments this mod, and with that comes journaling and “scientific method”. We started off with too much writing there, so we’ll shorten that portion of that for the next experiment, I think. Here’s a photo re-cap of today’s experiment, “Insta-Snow” with a Super Snow Smart Tube. (and after looking this up on Amazon, I totally feel cheated! I paid $8.50 for mine; you can get them for less than half that at Amazon. Oh well, you live, you learn.)
It wasn’t cold and it didn’t “poof” as PeaGreen hypothesized or “explode into snow” as LittleBoyBlue projected it would, so both were disappointed in that regard, however snow in any form in our area is a rare and beautiful thing that is to be enjoyed to its fullest capacity in every way. We only used 1/2 teaspoon for each bowl, so there’s still plenty left for another day and another experiment. I’m thinking we’ll try mixing it with a variety of other things (milk, soda, tea, coffee, rubbing alcohol, and maybe liquor and see what the results are. We may also try adding some food coloring to one batch. We’ll keep you posted on our results!
I guess what started out as a not-so-great day ended on a pretty good note. Couple that with filing our taxes (and an expected refund) this evening and today hasn’t been so bad after all. Now, I’m off to crank up the Wii and do some yoga stretching and cardio with WiiFit, then with the kids for a bike ride. I’m “officially” training for the Gusher Half-Marathon and 5K in May starting today (I’m only doing the 5k portion though).
Warmly,
~h
Tame Child-Creatures
I saw this posted the other day on Facebook. I and copied it to my TAL FB page, but ever since then, it’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about ‘tame child-creatures’ and comparing my own heathen horde with them and have thus far come out glad that our home contains none of these docile small people.
I’ll be blunt here; sometimes, homeschooling sucks, and when you have children who have been taught that their thoughts and opinions matter, and as a result of that, are used to being heard, listening to a 25 minute treatise on ‘Why We Shouldn’t Have to do Math Today’ can be doubly tiresome. We’ve spent the last couple of months in a bit of a rut. If you’ve been reading here lately, there have been a few posts whining about being tired and irritated. I would apologize for that, but I won’t lest I be accused of perpetuating the false notion that homeschooling is always hunky-dory.
I reached a breaking point (mental exhaustion-induced, I think now) and almost threw in the towel on homeschooling. After some discussion and intervention by Loverly Husband, some mindful cooperative parenting/homeschooling, a bunch of deep housekeeping and home-blessing projects and a substantial break and family vacation over the past two weeks, we’ve been successful in reigning in our kids a bit, setting some reasonable expectations and clearer boundaries and are getting back on an even keel.
That’s not to say that everything is comin’ up roses; we’re currently battling a little bit of First World Entitlement Syndrome (which has resulted in some serious discussions about their status in life and some plans on Mom/Teacher’s part to work in more hands-on direct contact with those less fortunate in our community).
All that aside though, I like that my kids have… personality. I am grateful that they’re thinkers and leaders – they question things; they don’t follow blindly and they’re confident that they will be heard. I count that as an accomplishment in my parenting career that my kids know that they can have their own opinions about things and that they feel free to express them. I admit that I have been embarrassed by them in public – what mom hasn’t? But most often, my embarrassment has come from me buying into some unrealistic stereotype that I momentarily feel pressured to conform to… like the idea that ‘good mothers’ have children who are mild-mannered, calm and quiet – especially in grocery stores.
I recently unsubscribed from a homeschooling support group because of the overwhelming presence of parents who want ‘tame child-creatures’; parents who have an unrealistic ideal in their head that their normally exuberant children don’t meet – and perhaps worse are the parents who are all too willing to share their favorite spirit-crushing methods of enforcing conformity. It got to the point that I was nauseated sometimes to read about some of the things parent’s have done to get those picture-perfect kids (like incorporating a spray bottle to squirt an errant child – like you might a puppy… srsly?? o_O).
The attitude seems to be that the long-term effects don’t matter (if they’re taken into consideration at all); as long as they present a good image to the world (or group) then whatever you do in the name of enforcing conformity is fine. I think that’s dishonest and downright harmful to the kids. It’s a mistake to think that in creating tame child-creatures, you’re actually molding the personality. If your child is wild at heart, you can discipline and punish the things you don’t like – but all that’s creating is a good actor. Sooner or later, that wild heart will break through, sometimes with tragic consequences. Wouldn’t it be ever so much better to work with your child to shape him or her into a productive adult? We all have flaws and personality quirks that will serve us in various ways as adults. As parents, we’re supposed to think in the long-term. Facilitating our child’s inherent traits to maximize future potential is in our job description. I believe that learning to ask questions will serve my kids better as adults than obedience. Confidence trumps conformity. Lead, don’t follow.
There’s balance, of course. We’re aiming for delightfully cultivated wild children here – not feral brats. I am not suggesting that children who are allowed to run free with absolutely no boundaries or expectations are better; they might even be worse. No one wants to deal with bratty children who haven’t been taught common courtesies. It makes me wonder how many parents go to the ‘tame’ extreme because they’re afraid of having a ‘brat’; and furthermore, how much the ‘tame’ and ‘bratty’ children contribute to the problem because other parents only see the two extremes – the oh-so-appealing docile and obedient child who never gives a moment’s trouble and the obnoxious, loud feral child who has no concept of his or her role in society.
I like the natural indulgence in the fullness of the moment that kids seem to live in when they’re allowed to; it’s a reminder to me to live in the ‘now’. If they’re a little loud, so what? If they’re a little bouncy, that’s usually okay, too. A few well-placed reminders do the job nicely. It’s more work, sure – you have to be present and paying attention to your kids a lot of the time. But that’s mindful parenting, not performance parenting and that’s what we’re working towards. Cultivating wild children means that you’re actively involved in what your kids are doing now, not trotting them out like show ponies. Even with all the effort that goes into striving for balance, I think I’d rather embrace the wild than train and tame.
Warmly,
~h
November 28, 2011 | Categories: Attachment Parenting, Lessons Learned, Parenting, Rambling Thoughts, Religion, Secular Thursday, She said WHAT?, Socialization | Tags: attachment parenting, balance, commentary, homeschool group dynamics, homeschooling stereotypes, methods, mindful parenting, raising responsible adults, secular homeschooling, Secular Thursday, SuperMom Complex, unrealistic expectations | 4 Comments »