Fidgets for ADHD Homeschool
One of the benefits of homeschooling a child with ADHD is that you have an almost unlimited amount of freedom to experiment with and utilize the many therapeutic tools that are out there to help such children maintain their concentration on the task at hand.
Fidgets are one of the tools that have been shown to be successful in helping ADHD children maintain focus when they’re doing mentally intense work. If you’re not familiar with them, fidgets are little toys or gadgets that provide children with attention disorders stimulation (tactile, oral, or gross motor, or a combination thereof) and/or an outlet for their excess energy during seat-work. Some fidgets are small, either handheld or for the desktop to keep hands busy while the child is thinking, writing or calculating. Others are larger and provide different types of stimulation and feedback over the whole body, like weighted or vibrating materials; or furniture that allows the child to move more freely than your average desk set-up, like swings, balance boards, mini-trampolines or exercise balls to sit on.
There are some stores/websites that sell fidgets and sensory materials, like the Therapy Shoppe (which separates their fidgets into categories like alert fidgets, calming fidgets, silent fidgets, and tactile fidgets), Fat Brain Toys, Sensory University, and Sensory Edge, and these are great if you can afford them.
But when homeschooling, you’re often on a budget and even inexpensive fidgets can seem out of reach when you’re not sure what things your child might like. Since I can relate to that, I thought I’d put together a list of fidgets that are easily ‘found’ or made at home.
Starting with small fidgets:
- spring/spiral (plastic, taken from an old spiral bound book or notebook and cut into pieces. Those spiral shoelaces also work well as a fidget.)
- Lego tree (round, though I’m sure the conical ones would work just as well – lovely for palming and twiddling)
- velcro dots (sticky-backed ones can be applied to the underside of the desk)
- clothespins (alone or can be used with clip-ins like a bundle of rubber bands, a few bent chenille sticks, yarn or other something to make a ‘brush’)
- soft bristled paintbrushes or jumbo makeup brushes (feel nice on cheeks, over eyes and lips)
- skinny balloons (stretchy and can go onto fingers – but don’t let them chew on them!)
- foam stress ball (often given out free at conferences, fairs, doctor’s offices, the mall…)
- filled stress ball (the dollar store often has squeeze balls; there’s one called a ‘blob ball’ with a net outside that lets the inner part bulge out of that is both disgusting and fascinating; or you can make them from big latex party balloons filled with sand, moon sand, powder, modeling clay, rice, beans, poly pellets, or a combination of things for long-term use (can double balloon and tie for a little extra protection). If you’re looking for other textures, you can fill them with peanut butter, pudding, tapioca, jell-o, etc (but these are, for obvious reasons, disposable after a day or two).
- worry stones made from polymer clay (or air-dry glue/cornstarch clay, also called ‘cold porcelain clay’) or rocks
- aluminum discs (made from the bottoms of coke cans – Use tin snips to cut the rounded bottoms of a coke can out, then put them together, convex sides out and seal the edges by gluing and then burnishing, or with tape on the outside. Use sandpaper to smooth and finish the edges. It makes a lovely palm-sized convex disc that feels good in your hand.)
- butterfly/triangle paper clips (can put several together on a binder ring)
- a long bolt with a rubber band on the open end and loose nut to twist up and down (metal or you can find plastic ones in the plumbing section of the hardware store)
- put a rubber band on a pencil, slide on some metal hex-nuts towards the top end and add another rubber band. The pencil is weighted and the nuts are twistable. Also works on crayons and markers)
- mini rain stick (toilet paper tube or even smaller diameter cardboard tube, nails and rice/beans and masking tape)
- egg shaker (re-use those old plastic Easter eggs – fill with rice, beans, poly beads, BB’s or anything similar and seal with tape. You can papier-mache for extra security)
- bean bag (scrap material and dry beans/lentils/rice/poly pellets)
- poly pellet (single to roll between index finger and thumb)
- teethers (especially gel-filled ones and ones with ‘nubbies’ on them; Sophie the giraffe is fun to chew on as well)
- rubber bands (tie a bunch together, then snip all but one of the loops to make a ‘koosh’ type ball
- tape measure with a button re-winder
- Rubik’s cube
For larger stimulation, we have used:
- weighted lap blanket (I made them from a fat quarter of fabric and filled with poly pellets from the craft store)
- noise cancelling earphones
- foam ear plugs
- vibrating neck pillow
- yoga ball
- rolling pin on the floor (under desk, for feet)
- yoga
- balance board (can be made from a 24″ long piece of 1″x 6″ scrap board with a 1″x 1″ half round piece of molding nailed to the underside. Sand the edges and let your child paint and decorate it. The child stands with feet on the outer edges and balances the board up on the round.)
- weighted hula hoop (can be made by cutting open a regular hula hoop and adding steel ball bearings and taping back together)
- sensory steps (in our version, I made a couple of sheets of 8.5 x 14 paper with eight 4″x3″ squares of sensory material – just enough to ‘toe’ and small enough to fit under the best. Ours include sandpaper, lentils, elbow macaroni, faux-fur fabric, shredded plastic, rubber bands, toothpicks, crinkled aluminum foil, yarn, Easter grass, egg shells, lego bricks, shredded newspaper, terry cloth, and pantyhose.
- rice sock (tube sock filled with rice; can be knotted every few inches to provide more even distribution and/or a different ‘feel’; also can be filled with lavender or other herbs and rice, and heated to make a warm aromatherapy weight)
- meditation/mind jar
- 2lb hand weights (also works to roll with feet on the floor)
- yoga block (for feet to manipulate)
- weighted tube (a paper towel tube with a spent D cell battery in it. Close both ends of the tube with cotton balls (for cushion) and tape. Tilt back and forth gently to let the battery slide from one end to the other. It has a nice ‘thunk’ to it.)
- sensory tubs (usually used for younger kids, but are very useful for older kids with SPD)
- sensory bottle /science bottles
- sound therapy: white noise; thunderstorm; fireplace/thunderstorm are all amazing and vary in length.
- alpha wave sound therapy on low volume over headphones. You can record this video/sound, then put it on an ipod and loop it for however long you need it for. Once is almost 10 minutes. Any sound therapy we use with headphones for maximum effect.
We use or have used most of these (not all at once, obviously). Different things seem to work at different times, and I’ve noticed that even my younger son (who is not ADHD) seems to focus better when allowed an outlet, so even though these types of tools and activities are ‘for’ kids with attention or sensory issues, they can definitely be of use to children without them as well.
What are some of your cheap/handmade sensory tools?
Warmly,
~h
Kids will be Kids…and that’s Okay
I have been thinking about homeschooling and ‘image’ again. The other day, we had a couple of moms over and about 11 children ranging in age from 13-ish to 3 running in and out, and apparently ‘something’ happened between some of the boys. My first reaction in that situation is a raised eyebrow. That’s about it. Whatever happened wasn’t enough for any child to come running in crying and/or bleeding, which usually indicates that it wasn’t a major ‘thing’. But both of the moms whose boys were involved left, inexplicably. There was no discussion, there was no intervention to find out what happened and attempt to resolve the issue… they just packed up and left.
At first, I had no clue that anything was amiss. There were 11 kids running around, and since some kids (and moms) are of the sensitive variety, I can see how that much action in our small house might throw some people’s inner workings off. I figured that was what happened. I only found out about the apparent ‘thing’ later on, with the thought being that there was embarrassment on the moms’ part because of how the kids were acting at a homeschool group function. To put some perspective on this, both of the moms in question are or were very active in a local faith-based co-op. Overall, my impression of such groups is that image is of prime concern; how the children act is a direct reflection on how the mothers are perceived by the group and I’m sure to some degree, cast doubt on how good of an influence these children are on the others. There are several aspects to this scenario that bother me.
1. Mom gets so wrapped up in ‘image’ that she willingly accepts this conditional acceptance by her peers.
Why, oh, why do moms do this? Please repeat after me: ‘If my friends don’t like or understand my kids, then they’re NOT MY FRIENDS.’ Your children, in some ways, are a reflection of you. They aren’t mirror images, and their own personalities and thoughts and experiences will shape them differently than you, but on some levels, your kids reflect what you think is important. Presumably, you’re doing the best you can, instilling into your children the values and virtues that you think are important. If your friends don’t like or understand or accept your kids, then guess what. They don’t really like or understand or accept YOU, either. That’s really all there is to this point.
If the people who you are currently hangin’ out with are passing judgement on you, your lifestyle or your ability as a mother, then they don’t like you. Stop hanging out with them. You’re not learning anything from them. They are not enriching your life in any way. You’re setting a bad example for your children by putting up with that kind of crap. They’re making your life worse. Find new friends. Even if you can’t find new friends, being by yourself is less harmful to you than hanging out with those h8rs. Ditch ‘em.
2. The children learn NOTHING when ‘retreat and regroup’ is your primary coping mechanism.
Children argue. That’s a given. It’s normal. They’re emotionally and mentally immature people who lack essential communication tools to effectively handle a confrontation without loosing a grip on their emotions. That’s why they have parents – to help pack their tool box ‘on the fly’. As a parent, you hope that these teaching moments won’t come in public, but they so often do, and when the opportunity presents itself, you can either teach or run. I’m no paragon of perfection – I’ve lost my temper in public on more than one occasion with my kids (usually due to neglecting or not recognizing my own needs at the time), which generally necessitates running to the car or other neutral environment to assess the situation. But the kids don’t really learn anything about communication through ‘retreat and regroup’.
As homeschoolers, our kids aren’t subjected to playground wars or bullies – and thank goodness for that. Unfortunately, kids are kids pretty much everywhere, and conflict resolution is an essential tool that I don’t think is ever perfected. I think that letting our personal embarrassment get in the way of equipping our kids for healthy communication cripples them. And this ties back into the first point – why would you want to be a part of a group that does not respect the needs of the child, and that values the importance of a parent taking advantage of a teaching opportunity?
I have a great deal of respect for a mom who sees something that needs addressing - and not the ‘Hey stop that!’ kind of addressing – but really digs into it with her kid, looking behind the obvious and dealing with the issues behind an action that motivate the child. It takes effort and balls to stay calm in the face of a meltdown and communicate with your child when everyone around you is looking on with a keen and critical eye. It’s hard enough with strangers; I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be when you know that your ‘friends’ will be even more judgmental.
I’m not perfect, but for the most part, I’m content to give my boys enough space to work out their own troubles. I try to stay out of it, but with an open ear so that if I need to step in and help facilitate communication, I can. As difficult as this has been, now that they’re 8 and 7, I am starting to see real results from this method (yay!). That is to say, they can often work out issues with their friends with a few words, rather than it being a big blow-up thing. Factors like hormones, amount of rest, hunger, growing pains, ‘muchness’ – all of this plays a role in how our kids FEEL and ACT in any give day or situation. For that matter, all of those things also play a significant role in how WE feel and act – and respond to our kids. But as parents, we do our best to monitor and take into consideration what our kids NEED at the time and do our best to provide it so that they have a level playing field to work from.
That’s not always going to happen of course; my kids both require – REQUIRE – food every couple of hours. But I’m human and sometimes forget that – or get the notion that they ‘should’ be able to be okay without food for a little longer (which usually ends with a spectacular fail on my part), forgetting momentarily that children usually are doing the very best that they can right now… I believe that expecting more out of my kids than they’re able to provide is detrimental to the kids and to the structure of our family, so we try not to do that. Same goes for my friends and their kids. I expect them to do what they can. Sometimes leaving is the only option, but I sincerely hope that when you must have one of those ‘teaching moments’ with your kid, you can feel the vibes of support that I’m sending in your direction.
Warmly,
~h
World Breastfeeding Week 2010
In an article that I wrote for our local Macaroni Kid Newsletter (You can see it at Whole Mothering Center with the images in tact; MK’s site doesn’t allow images), I challenged breastfeeding moms who’ve stuck with it through difficulties, for several years, and/or nursed several babies to talk and/or blog about what aspect of breastfeeding it was that made them love it so much. I don’t think I’ve ever posted many pictures of me breastfeeding my babies, now 7 and 8 years old, so I’m going to do that in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week.
I’ve worked with several organizations over the past 8 years; this picture is of me at the first La Leche League meeting I went to after PeaGreen was born (I’m actually breastfeeding both boys and holding a conversation all at the same time *gasp*). In that time, I’ve heard so many stories – of success, or failure, of hard work, of everything working beautifully from the first moment to mom ultimately deciding that breastfeeding just wasn’t for her. I’ve watched women become more confident, I’ve watched them struggle with criticism and bad advice and the stories are both satisfying and infuriating to listen to or read.
My own experiences lean more towards the ‘overcoming difficulty’ camp but are overall absolutely wonderful. I would not trade nursing my babies for anything. It’s something I always knew I would do. My mom nursed my brother for a year, my grandmother and aunts all nursed; it’s just how the women in my family fed their babies.
When LittleBoyBlue was born, it took a while for both of us to get the hang of it. He had a fever when he was born and so spent some time in the nursery. I didn’t know then that it was hospital policy to give ‘sick’ babies a bottle. That screwed us up for weeks! He ended up with nipple confusion (a condition where the baby tries to breastfeed by using their tongue in the same way he would use it to drink from a bottle – it doesn’t work; its two completely different mouth and tongue movements) and promptly put blisters on my nipples and made nursing extremely painful.
Even asking for help from the nurses didn’t get much help; the nurse who came in to help get him latched on brought in a bottle of glucose water and stuck that in his mouth to ‘get him going’, then tried to shove him onto my breast – then she left before he ever started sucking with a, ‘You’ll get the hang of it!” thrown over her shoulder as she exited the room.
All told, it took about a month of cringing every time he was hungry. I had sore, raw and bleeding nipples and there were days where I just cried at the thought of nursing. I remember one day having ENOUGH and getting out the hand pump and fully intending to stop torturing myself.
Somewhere at the four-week mark, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong. I pulled out my books and started looking back into all the breastfeeding sections of the pregnancy books that I’d skipped over. I’d naively assumed that just because I wanted to breastfeed, and because it was natural that it would just work. That it would be easy. It never once entered my mind that there was technique involved, or mechanics that all had to be right in order for comfortable breastfeeding bliss to be enjoyed.
Once I started reading, especially the ‘troubleshooting’ sections, I figured out that my stubborn babe was tucking his bottom lip in instead of making fish lips. That was what was causing so much pain and frustration. I went in and flipped his lip out and was amazed at how much of a difference that one tiny thing made. Of course, it still hurt – I needed time for my nipples to heal – but wow – the difference was incredible. From that point on, things got better every day.
At some point right around this time, I recalled my friend’s mom mentioning La Leche League and something about breastfeeding help. I decided to see what that was all about and gave the local leader a call. I remember asking her if I could bring the baby and she said, “Yes, please do!”. That first meeting was really neat. I met several other breastfeeding moms and was introduced to the baby sling (as a mother, which is wholly different from seeing a woman with a sling baby when you don’t have kids). That event helped make me into the mom I am today. Oh, I’m not crediting LLL with shaping my ideas – those were in place long before LLL. But being involved with LLL meant that my ideas were continually reinforced to the point that I didn’t question myself the same way I would have if the only mothers I’d been around were formula feeding. The prevailing mindset of LLL moms is more earth-mama-crunchy-granola-attachment-parenting, and though I was already there, I might not have been as comfortable with talking about what I thought was right for my kids as I now am. I can wholeheartedly credit LLL for succeeding in their mission of support in my case.
Knowing what I know now, I would have gotten involved in LLL or another breastfeeding support group during my pregnancy instead of waiting until I was having problems. The camaraderie of the mothers and support provided in that kind of environment is invaluable. Even now, one of the things that I learned then that I took to heart most was the need for support as a mother. Having your choices reflected back to you by mothers you respect is the ultimate validation, which gives you confidence. It’s also nice to have several mothers whose experience you can draw from when you’re struggling.
With PeaGreen’s pregnancy, I was still nursing. LittleBoyBlue was only 9 months old when I got pregnant and again, being involved in LLL gave me access to information that I might not have had otherwise, and put me in touch with other moms who had nursed through a pregnancy and tandem nursed. I’m sure that seems odd to some people, but for me, nursing was such a normal part of how I mothered my child that I just wasn’t ready to change that. Even at 9 months, LittleBoyBlue was obviously not ready to wean, so we just didn’t. I got a lot of criticism – from family, from nurses and even the midwife I saw at the beginning of my pregnancy. There wasn’t much published on nursing through pregnancy or tandem breastfeeding (nursing two children of different ages) at the time, so I once again turned to La Leche League.
I was put in touch with Hilary Flower, who was writing the book that became Adventures in Tandem Nursing. She sent me some info to bring to my midwife, which made such a difference in my own peace of mind. You can only hear that you’re doing it wrong so many times before you start to wonder if you really are doing it wrong. Turns out I wasn’t, and we continued breastfeeding through my pregnancy. When PeaGreen was born, he latched on like a pro (though I was surprised at how different nursing a newborn was compared to nursing a 19 month old babe; I’d forgotten how small new babies were!) and within a few hours of his birth, we were officially a tandem nursing trio.
Tandem nursing wasn’t something I set out to do; it was simply the best option for us for a variety of reasons. I’ve had a few friends who found themselves pregnant while still breastfeeding and some have continued to nurse and some have not and I respect their decisions fully. I would not choose to do it again, though if I found myself in a position where it was necessary, I would. Looking back, I think that we made the right decision.
Aside from the numerous documented and obvious reasons why breastfeeding is superior to artificial baby formulas, think that the relationship of the nursing pair is a big part of what draws mothers to it, especially if they’ve breastfed before. You have this connection with your breastfeeding child that you don’t have when you bottle feed. It’s not even about what’s in the bottle (though I am adamantly opposed to formula for my babies); it’s about nurturing at the breast. That’s not something that you can replicate in other ways. You can come close, but it’s just not the same. So many parenting books equate breastfeeding with a ‘nutrition only’ mindset, and if that’s how you look at it then you’re really missing out on a huge part of what makes breastfeeding so special. It may take work to get to the point of breastfeeding bliss, even for the experienced nursing mom – but once you do, it’s so worth it.
Warmly,
~h
Thoughts on Accountability in Homeschooling
One of the great things about homeschooling in Texas is the freedom parents who choose to educate their kids at home have. We don’t have to register with anyone if we choose not to enroll in Kindergarten. We don’t have to ask permission to pull our kids out of public school. We don’t have to be evaluated or take tests or hand in reports or samples of work to anyone. Homeschools are regarded as private schools, and like any private school, we’re pretty autonomous.
For those of us who have been indoctrinated into the public school system, it’s a bit hard to shift from the mindset that there will be some sort of testing going on to assess where your child is at the beginning of the year and again at the end of the year to see how much he’s progressed, to realizing that there really is no system for tallying accomplishments and improvements that gets handed to you when you decide to homeschool. Sure you can go look at the TEA website and get an idea of what your child would/should be learning in public school, but you have to look for it – it’s not handed to you.
On the one hand, that’s great. I think that standardized testing is a crock to begin with; though I realize and agree with the thought that there should be some kind of system in place to ensure that students in an institutionalized educational setting are getting a minimum set of skills and/or knowledge base, there has to be a better way of determining that information than the testing that schools (in Texas, at least) do periodically. It would also be nice if teachers had the autonomy to make decisions about the method of testing for their students based on their knowledge of the student’s ability without having to go through the red tape of having a 504 designation and IEP* if your child is a special-needs child. If you don’t have a special needs child, but do have one that just doesn’t perform well on written tests, letting the teacher assess the information orally or in some other format than the formal “test” would be a huge benefit to the student.
Aside from that, teachers spend half their time teaching kids how to take the test (dealing with trick questions and absolutes, etc), which means that there is less time spent on teaching the material they’re being tested on. Even on off years when there is no testing, they still do mock tests so the kids don’t forget how to deal with testing. Then there’s the level of importance that is placed on test scores. If you’re not a good test-taker, then you’re pretty much screwed, even if you know the material. I always got hung by trick questions – ones that used absolutes (always or never) or phrased things tricksy, and so I scored much lower than I would have if the question assessed my knowledge coherently.
On the other hand, there’s a certain reassurance in the testing. With it, you have a concrete starting point and yardstick with which to measure. It’s easy to look at the scores and see where your weak points are and where you’re good to go. Without it, there are no guidelines to go by, no system of checks and balances to help guide a parent/teacher or show her that she’s doing a “good enough” job in setting and reaching educational goals. There’s no one to have a conference with and ask how he’s doing and get tips and pointers on how to help shore up the weak areas. There’s no set list of skills or knowledge that must be learned “this year”. In a way, that’s bad. It means that WE (loverly husband and I… well, me) have to pour over websites and through curriculum outlines and decide what all needs to be addressed this year. WE are solely responsible for making sure that our kids are not lagging behind their peers.
Or do we?
Who’s to say that the way the institution has laid out their year and the subjects/skills the “right” way? The “best” way? Does my 1st grader really NEED to know Roman numerals this year? Or can that wait until we start studying the Roman Empire? Does my 2nd grader HAVE to study ‘whole language’ style (sight words), or can we omit that altogether and learn phonics instead? Or what if I have one child who does better with whole language and one who does better with phonics? Shouldn’t we do both in that case?
I think that’s another benefit right there – lacking the ‘paperwork’ to tell you about your child, you actually have to (get to?) focus on your child. You’re also not limited to the lowest common denominator when you’re homeschooling. In the classroom, rather than bringing the students all up, they tend to drop everyone down. That means that if your child is excelling, unless real effort is made in the classroom to tailor to that child to some extent, their potential goes untapped. At home, there’s no cap on learning.
Next year would have been our first foray into standardized testing. There’s a small part of me that would kind of like to have LittleBoyBlue tested – and I’m not ruling out buying the test-prep/mock TAKS book at Manning’s even though I am philosophically opposed to standardized testing. It’s expensive though, so I may not. And by that time, we may be on a whole different homeschooling agenda page by then. Who knows? I honestly don’t think that he would do very well on the test if he were to take it the way they give it. If I gave him the test, it would be piecemeal where we could and orally, I’m sure – my goal would actually be to assess his knowledge, not trick him up and see how well he tests.
I don’t really have a goal with this post. I’m still new enough to homeschooling that I can see the benefit in the way that institutionalized schooling operates. It must function the way that it does to meet the goals they have, and though they fall short and are in drastic need of a complete overhaul, there does have to be some form and structure there. Institutionalized schooling cannot mimic homeschooling without… well, so much is lacking to even come close. I really do feel that home should be the standard and everything else should measure up to that and not the other way around. Only when I can’t provide what my child needs should I start looking for someone else to help me provide for my child.
Warmly,
~h
* As I understand it, 504 is the designation in TX for students with handicaps or learning disabilities that allows modifications and accommodations to be made in the classroom for them to help learning/functioning. IEP stands for “Individual Education Plan” and outlines to modifications and accommodations that will be made for the child that the teacher must follow. That may not be entirely accurate, but it’s close.
Should I Homeschool?
This is a question I have been asked a lot recently, or at least a simplification of the questions I have been asked. Variations include:
“What made you decide to homeschool?”, “I’ve been thinking about it with my kids; what made you pull them out?” and “I am not sure if I should pull my kids out; how did you decide?”
I think that education, like most things in life, is supposed to be a highly personal experience. For some kids, that kind of personalization can be accomplished in a classroom, even if it’s with 20 other kids in the room. If your kid is one of those types, and is happy and performing well in school and enjoys being there, then leave him alone! If your child’s teacher is amazing, and seems to genuinely enjoy your child, and your child has her teacher on a pedestal, then leave her alone! The structured environment and group learning does work well for some kids. There’s no need to interfere with that if things are going well unless you just really want to homeschool.
However for other kids, the classroom is not an enjoyable environment and has the potential to be a damaging one, especially if your child has any kind of developmental disorder, learning disorder or is just plain quirky. That doesn’t apply across the board, of course, but for some special-needs kids environmental factors can chip away at self-image. In such a case, the warning about children being cruel applies in spades. Kids are quick to point out anything or anyone that is different, and some kids can be vocal about it (even if they’re not flat-out rude, which may or may not be interpreted by a SN child as criticism). Not only that, but negativity comes from the teacher – in the case of a bad teacher, it can be direct. Lucky kids with great teachers STILL get that negativity through indirect means every time they’re handed back a paper with a bad grade, or are required to stay on a lower level while most other kids advance, or are consistently called out for discipline issues. Even kids who are not “called out” in those ways, but who just does things differently from everyone else in the class – that in and of itself can wreak havoc on a sensitive child’s self-esteem.
I can remember seeing kids who were terribly awkward, who didn’t socialize well, who consistently performed below average and who were generally, genuinely unhappy. I can’t imagine being a mother who sees my child struggling and suffering in such a way and NOT be compelled to do something about it. On the other hand, I can remember seeing kids who struggle socially and academically, but who were very happy in school. It’s a case-by-case thing and no one circumstance is going to be the defining factor for every family.
I think that for me, that was the main motivating factor – my child was unhappy in school. Not that there weren’t great days, not that his teacher didn’t love him and sincerely want to educate him, not that his aide wasn’t doing everything she could to help him, not that the child is not SMART to begin with… but even with all that, his confidence was beginning to wane. His joy in learning has diminished to the point that he was starting to believe that he is simply incapable of learning some things. His comments about himself were becoming negative and self-derogatory, and I just couldn’t have my 8-year-old feeling that way without taking a serious look at the factors contributing to that.
The fact is, he may not be capable of learning what they want him to learn, the way they want him to learn it! For example, writing the < or > signs and demonstrating that he understands the concepts of “greater than” and “less than” and writing out g-r-e-a-t-e-r t-h-a-n and l-e-s-s t-h-a-n are two totally separate things! He GETS the math – he completely understands, grasps the concept and can demonstrate whatever instruction is thrown at him. But making him write, on paper, 25 examples, every day, for 2 weeks is NOT his style – and who can blame him? I would loathe being required to constantly prove that I’ve learned a skill – it’s boring and repetition does not necessarily mean assimilation! I can’t tell you how many things I remember “learning” to pass a test, and them promptly forgetting as soon as something more interesting comes along. What is working for us is to do his math on the chalkboard. That means that I end up with chalk dust in my face at least once during our lesson since he can’t seem to keep from clapping the erasers, but seeing him work and what’s more, enjoy working on his lesson, is worth that.
I guess the deciding factors need to be combined and discussed. Things such as gauging your child’s level of satisfaction, how his or her self-esteem is being developed and affected and how much learning is taking place and how well it is retained. Of course, your intuition plays a part in this, too. If things seem to be going well and Mom has a feeling like this is not the right environment, then do some more investigating! I am a proponent of following your instincts (as evidenced by my username). I think that intuition was given to moms to help us be the best advocate and care-taker for our children, and should not be ignored. I can honestly say that mine have never led me astray, so yes, that will play a part in the decision-making process.
I’ve heard a lot of reasons/excuses why someone can’t homeschool. To me, that’s like a lot of the reasons I’ve heard why a mom can’t breastfeed, or a family can’t survive on one income – it usually comes back to a lack of information, a lack of support and/or a lack of interest in doing so. Again, not true across the board, and like breastfeeding or being a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling is certainly not for everyone, and there’s no shame in that! But if homeschooling is in your heart, and you want to do it, please don’t talk yourself out of it by saying “I can’t”. So far, it’s worth the effort! In any case, this is just me thinking out loud. It’s not meant to tell anyone what to do or be a comment on anyone but myself and my own children.
Warmly,
~h
ADHD, School and Homeschooling
Although I haven’t looked into it extensively, homeschoolers dealing with attention disorders don’t seem to have a lot of web-presence. My perception is that if you’re homeschooling an ADHD/ADD child, that’s no longer the focus of your day – you’re able to make the modifications to their educational program and style that are needed, and it’s not a ‘thing’ – it just becomes how you homeschool. After Googling it this morning, I did find a couple of interesting things – a lot of lip service about ‘being flexible’ and ‘incorporating action into learning’, but nothing was really specifically geared towards helping homeschoolers deal with attention disorders in the homeschool environment. I don’t know if that’s because we don’t find ADHD to be an issue when homeschooling, or we homeschoolers just have different issues that aren’t being addressed by the ‘experts’… maybe a little of both?
Something I did find interesting was this from Carol’s Web Corner:
This was a primary motivating factor for our decision to homeschool. LittleBoyBlue was not accomplishing his work at school, so we would spend hours doing homework. In effect, I was sending him to an 8 hour daycare, in which he received assignments, he came home and we ‘did school’ – only a very rushed and frustrated version of it because he’d just spent the previous 8 hours ‘doing school’, slipped some family time in before dinner and bedtime – only to do it all again the next day. No wonder we were all so very, very tired.
Being able to move at our own pace, which to some degree is motivated by the children’s natural rhythms, is much more productive for our family. One of the topics discussed at the ADDA meeting last night was that ADHD/ADD children generally have sleep issues – getting to sleep, staying asleep, getting quality sleep. I know this to be true for LittleBoyBlue. When he was a baby, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time, He woke frequently, and did not nap. He did not seem to need as much sleep as other kids, but he also tread a very fine line between ‘fine’ and ‘overtired’. If he slipped into overtired mode, then sleep was impossible to come by. I walked for miles to get this child to sleep most nights. When we were in school, sleep was imperative to his performance, and it was noticeable when he didn’t sleep well, which was most of the time. Being forced into someone else’s schedule was detrimental to his sleep cycle. Being told, ‘You HAVE to go to sleep!!” for several hours only added to his stress and inability to go to sleep, I’m sure (mommy fail moment)… homeschooling allows him to stay up later, follow his own routines and wake up naturally rather than being forced into a false time-table. I see this is hugely beneficial to his education.
Though attention disorders in homeschoolers exist, they’re not a ‘problem’ in the same ways that they are in a classroom environment, but it’s still an issue. How we as homeschooling parents deal with them is the main difference, I think. Homeschoolers aren’t bound by the need to balance the needs of 20 plus students – we may have only 2 or 4 kids and a unique understanding of our particular child, which goes a long way towards creating an environment in which the child can be successful.
I read most of Nurture Shock New Thinking About Children yesterday. I thought that this was an interesting book – not necessarily ‘helpful’ but interesting. Some of it was new info to me, other bits, I was aware of (or thought anyway). I was rather annoyed at the assertion that ‘following your instincts’ was really a product of societal conditioning; that’s a statement and stance that we’ve always taken with our kids and since our position on how to raise our children is in conflict with the vast majority of society, I fail to see how that applies… unless the book is written for people who fall into more mainstream ideas, in which case it makes perfect sense. One of the comments that a reviewer made on Amazon was that there’s a feeling of ‘so what?’ for parents. Even knowing these things about children and how they grow and learn, there’s not a lot that you can do about it in school. The school system is set up how it is set up and most are not open to change just because research suggests that this change might be in the best interests of the children. However, if you’re homeschooling, then you have a lot more freedom to change your child’s environment to match these needs.
One of the recommendations in Nurture Shock I found to be absolutely fascinating was the Tools of the Mind Early Childhood Education program. I found this book, Tools of the Mind – a Vygotskian Approach to Early Childhood Education, which I think is the same program (but am not 100% sure). As a parent with an ADHD child, I really wish I’d seen this method years ago. Another topic from the meeting last night was ‘executive function’, which TotM is designed to teach. For us, this comes in to form of oral work, narration and short writing assignments, games, having finger fidgets or an activity for his hands while I’m reading aloud… meeting him where he is.
Our speaker asked how we teach ‘listening’, pointed out that the ADHD child has no internal monologue to help them self-regulate, and that they get confused when too much stimulation is thrown in their direction. We covered the differences between ADD (inattentive), ADHD (hyperactivity), ODD (which is completely different from ADD/ADHD) and behavioral and personality disorders. Many symptoms overlap and each disorder can mimic another – so having the correct diagnosis for your child is crucial to successful treatment. There was a lot of emphasis on medication for treatment; I remain unconvinced that medication is a first step treatment option. Based on what I have read about medication (any meds/all meds to date), long-term research either shows detrimental results or has not been conducted to my satisfaction with results that indicate that the risk of not taking them would be less than the possible side effects or long-term effects for us. I am not ‘anti medication’. I am anti-medication for now. We have avenues of treatment that have not been explored yet. Obviously, your mileage may vary – this is merely my position on the subject relating to my specific child. You’ll get no judgment from me if you’re contentiously medicating!
As a homeschooling parent, I don’t find my son’s attention disorder to affect our homeschooling day in a way that we can’t adapt to most of the time. I wonder how much of ADHD’s bad rep is because of our unrealistic expectations for our children – to think that a 5-year-old little boy can and should sit at a desk and be still and quiet is unreasonable. It is beyond the reach of the vest majority of small children, yet we routinely strip them of their coping mechanisms and heap even more expectation and stress on them – no wonder attention disorders are on the rise!
Of course I do recognize that there are chemical components to ADHD that need to be addressed. But for us, regulating sleep, adjusting our environment and expectations, not pressuring our child to do or be something that we know is outside of his capabilities – those steps have been enormously helpful in ‘treating’ the symptoms we see. Using a checklist, he clearly has attention issues but homeschooling allows us to accommodate him and makes him less aware of them, which makes them… less of an issue.
Overall, I am extraordinarily interested to see what this support group offers over the next few months. Though the group seems to be geared mainly towards teachers and professionals, parents are most welcome, and homeschooling parents, I think, are an underrepresented group in this dynamic. If you’re a homeschooling parent to an ADHD child, I’d recommend looking up a group in your area and seeing what they have to offer.
Warmly,
~h
P.S. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed… the tag isn’t called ‘rambling thoughts’ for no reason! {wink}
September 21, 2010 | Categories: Advocacy, Community Events, Homeschooling Resources, Parenting, Rambling Thoughts | Tags: commentary, homeschooling, meet them where they are, special needs child, unrealistic expectations | 4 Comments »