Educate the Children
All over Facebook recently, I’ve seen pictures with a topic, like ‘Stay at Home Mom‘ and ‘Home Birthing Parents‘, and ‘Doulas‘ with 6 pictures that reflect the different attitudes and perceptions of what the parents/people who subscribe to the beliefs of the topic are like. I looked around for one on homeschooling, but couldn’t find one, so I made one:
And I thought I’d write about how homeschooling (or homeschoolers) seem to be viewed by the outside world.
I think one of the main perceptions I get from local society is that I don’t fit in with their ideal of what a homeschooling mother ‘should’ look like. I don’t own a denim jumper, I only have 2 kids, and though I drive a mini-van, it’s just your average-sized grocery-getter (or chariot, as one of my friends lovingly describes the transportation of choice for busy families). That’s not true for all areas, of course, but here there are definitely more than a few denim-jumper/quiver-full families. If it’s not the denim dress uniform, then it’s khaki and twin-sets (the less-than-stylish around here call this brand of woman a ‘West End Wanda’); another group that belong not to. My standard uniform is a black tee-shirt, jeans and whichever shoes I feel like putting on (which can range from Doc Martens, to wedge heels, to flip flops, depending on the day’s activities), which puts me firmly in the ‘impostor’ – or worse, ‘secular’ – category, according to the homeschooling majority in my area.
Then you have homeschooling as portrayed in the media. Over and over, I’ve seen stories about how abusive homeschooling is, and/or that the only reason people homeschool is to indoctrinate their kids into religion. While I do know plenty of homeschoolers who do so for religious reasons, most don’t fall anywhere near that crazy tree. For most Christian homeschoolers, their goal is to raise their kids with their family’s values at the forefront, including the need and desire to be faithful ministers of their god. Though I disagree with that approach, I do understand it and think that it’s dishonest to link homeschooling – even if the primary goal is religious in nature – with abuse, neglect or other acts of parents who would find some other way to harm their kids if religion was taken out of the picture. Those people are mentally ill and that does not describe the vast majority of homeschooling parents.
Up next is the perception that teachers have of homeschoolers. This one also gets an unfair rap in my opinion. I think that this perception is perpetuated by children who, for whatever reason, go back into the classroom after homeschooling for a while. Many times, the child is classified as ‘behind’ when that’s only part of the picture. One of the main benefits of homeschooling is that you can tailor your child’s education to your individual child. In Texas, we’re not required to follow the school’s curriculum, so we have a lot of room to truly match what we’re teaching to where our child is at. We can also go about education in an entirely different manner (mastery-focused instead of covering X amount of material this week; or take history chronologically while the school starts with your family and branches out from there). We can use unconventional methods – from educational philosophy or theory to using non-standard materials or classroom environments. Since we don’t follow the same method and curriculum as classroom teachers, that means that there are areas where our child may be behind and there are usually also areas where our kids have a more well-rounded education than his classroom counterparts. But too often, it’s not the whole of education that shows, only the areas where your child is not ‘up to standards’ and thus, the myth continues.
After that, we come to how non-homeschooling people see homeschooling (not all of them, obviously – but some, certainly). I think that the perception (not necessarily of ‘me’, but of homeschooling parents in general) is that homeschooling parents see their kids as genius-level potential, and that with enough early learning and constant fact-drilling, it will be enough to bring that potential into reality. I know that I speak for plenty of homeschooling parents when I say that our kids don’t hold any more potential than yours, nor are they smarter than your kids. The difference is how we go about accessing that potential. Homeschooling, again, allows us to tailor every aspect of our child’s education to that child. Even if we have several children, we can adapt how or what they’re learning to address that specific child’s needs. If we have a child with ADHD, we can do spelling words or math while the child is on a trampoline or yoga ball. If we have a child who is a night owl, we can start our school hours later in the day (or even have school at night). If we have one child who prefers reading and another who is adept in math, we can cater to those strengths while taking the other subjects a little slower to ensure that the foundation is solid before moving on. Give any student that level of personal attention and you’re going to get better results.
Next, there’s my perception. Since the comic is not my own creation and yet I identify with it wholeheartedly, I dare say that other homeschooling mothers feel similarly at least part of the time. If the text is too small, it reads, ’5 minutes after Mindy died trying, Brice finally understood fractions‘. It seems like there are days, especially when we start something new, that I explain and explain and explain and yet still it seems like nothing gets through. We’ve been doing this for over 2 years now, and I can see the pattern… all the sudden, one day it clicks. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but it’s happened over and over again. Then we start something new; rinse, repeat. As frustrating as it is to get the idea through my kids’ head that they’re learning something – they’re not experts yet and mistakes are okay; expected, even – the poor dears are blessed with enough aspects of my personality to ensure that failure is a big deal. They’d rather not do it at all than fail. But the other side of the coin is the gratification and exhilaration on their faces when they do finally get it and can do it like a pro.
Then there’s the reality of what it is that I, and homeschooling parents all over the world like me, actually do, and that is educate our children. We’re not experts, we’re not perfect. We have good days and bad, ups and downs and yes, there are days when we want to throw in the towel. It’s not about being superior or thinking we’re better or can do a better job than you; we don’t homeschool to judge you or your educational choices. In fact, we don’t care one bit what you do with your kids; we’re too busy doing stuff with our own kids.
The long and the short of it is that homeschooling parents come in a variety of packages, and no two are exactly similar. Now that I think about it, I’m may have a tee-shirt made that says ‘Homeschooler: Contents May Vary‘ to wear when we’re out and about. Like non-homeschooling parents, we do the things we think are best for our kids. Any contentious parent homeschools with genuine intent, and with their children’s best interests at the forefront of their lives. They’re not abusive, they’re not fanatics; they’re just regular people who feel like homeschooling is the best educational path for their kids. We’re not raising geniuses; we don’t think our kids are prodigies, but neither do we let them bum around all the time without seeing to their education. Our methods may look lackadaisical to you, but until you live in our home and see what we do, how we do it and what the results are, then we respectfully suggest that you keep your nose occupied elsewhere. We’re human; we get frustrated just like anyone would, but we’re also in a unique position of seeing our child’s mind expand on a daily basis – and taking pride on the role that we play in helping them learn.
Even with all our differences, homeschooling parents have one goal: educate the children.
Warmly,
~h
Photo credits:
homeschooling family: http://www.recycledpolyfurniture.com/about.php
religious indoctrination as child abuse: http://jesusmustbestopped.blogspot.com/2011/08/childhood-religious-indoctrination.html
kids playing video games: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/822769/are-your-kids-addicted-to-video-games
reading baby: http://ladyhazard.tumblr.com/post/372126132/aashawn-cristina-awesome-reading-baby-im
Mindy comic ( (c)Todd Wilson): http://extrememakeover-homeschooledition.blogspot.com/2011/07/year-two.html
Homeschool outside: http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2011/03/how-long-will-you-homeschool-your-children/
The Leaves on the Trees… and Owls
So… rather than doing schoolwork today, my kids have been playing outside most of the day. Like they did yesterday. And Monday. And Thursday and Friday of last week.
Slacker mom, much?
I posted a very similar message to one of my awesome homeschooling groups on Facebook (you guys rawk, seriously) and got lots of reassurance that I am not screwing up my kids educational futures by taking some time off. I know it seems like we’ve been taking a lot of time off lately, but those days are well-earned, I assure you.
Darn it all if I am still trying to let go of the feeling that we ‘have’ to do school the way we’re ‘supposed’ to. Who says we ‘have to’, and who dictates ‘supposed to’, I ask? ME! That’s who! (throws devil horns à la Ronnie James Dio and screams ‘Yeah!!’)
We’re taking off next week (DH’s vacation), so I am feeling all guilty and indulgent as I play on the computer (I say play; I’ve been working on our homeschool group’s newsletter, which is not exactly playing. Close though; and adding stuff to my DeviantART page, which is completely indulgent in every way). We only have a few more weeks left in this school year, and the kids are only about 5 weeks away from being done with ‘this grade’s work in grammar and history and their workbook math. Their spelling and regular math will take longer, but since we school all year, one grade sort of rolls into the next in most cases. So lesson wise, we’re good – on schedule; a little ahead, even… and yet still… the feeling that I’m not doing enough is bugging me.
{shakes it off}
I have to say that although we didn’t do any formal sit-down learning today, there was still learning going on. The kids are deeply involved in building a fort in the back of our property. I haven’t been back there yet, but they assure me that it is both safe and awesome. They’ve been hauling stuff out of the house for a few days now, so I can only imagine what I’ll find when I do get invited back to see the results of their labors.
After spending a relaxing morning with some lovely Earl Grey and flipping back through my completed art journals in preparation for posting them, I got all inspired to do crafty stuff with the kids, so I called them in and we worked on this year’s Thankfulness Tree. We made one last year – just out of construction paper and had it taped up to the cabinet door. It was lovely (and kinda bare in the picture – wish now that I’d gotten a picture closer to the end of the month), but not as jazzy as I like, so this year we’re kicking it up a notch.
I’ve been saving toilet paper rolls for ages with plans of making some sort of crafty thing, and since Pinterest is the end-all, be-all of crafting ideas, I checked out what they had to offer and found the most adorable little owls. Ours turned out quite differently than the inspiration pieces, but the kids had fun and I think they turned out great! We also used coffee filters and markers to make leaves. The kids drew on the filters then got them wet do the colors would bleed and we cut out leaf shapes – voila! Fantastic fall foliage! Now to figure out how to attach them to my tree without ruining the branches in the process… and yes, those are Halloween pumpkins in the background there. Those suckers have lasted a LONG time this year!
In any case, he’s what we have so far. More to come when the project is completed (possibly tomorrow – one can just never tell around here). We’ll add things we’re thankful for to the beautiful leaves, then add them to the tree as we go along. The owls will be hung from the branches when they’re dry as well.
What about you – anything crafty you’d like to share to do with toilet paper tubes or other all crafts?
Warmly,
~h
Defining ‘Inclusive’ in Homeschool Groups
I wanted to talk a bit about the term ‘inclusive’. It’s a term that many homeschoolers hear often, but there doesn’t seem to be a unified understanding of what it means with regard to homeschooling groups.
By far, the most common use of the term ‘inclusive’ in homeschool group descriptions means that though the group is firmly XYZ (usually specifically Christian based, often fundamentalist), they allow other people to join. By ‘join’, they mean that you’re allowed to participate in their discussions and events, but you’re not allowed to rock the boat, idea-wise. This means that if you subscribe to a scientific age of the earth and the group as a whole purports a young earth ideology, then you don’t get to mention your disruptive beliefs. There is no respectful sharing of information, and no friendly debate allowed. You can come, but you don’t make waves.
The other use of ‘inclusive’ means that you’re allowed to join and have your own beliefs and ideas, and as long as you keep it to a respectful sharing of ideas and not wander off into evangelism land, you’re allowed and sometimes even encouraged to share them. You can be any religion or none, and be perfectly welcome. Often, these types of inclusive groups also define themselves as ‘secular’ as well (meaning that the group, itself, does not promote one religion over another; there is usually no ‘official’ mention of religion at all). This type of group generally welcomes respectful sharing of beliefs and ideas, and even encourages questioning and friendly debate. It is assumed that you’re here to learn and share, and that your beliefs may or may not be in the minority and that’s okay.
It is only this second type of group that actually fit the definition of ’inclusive’. Their practices actually are inclusive; it’s not just that they allow you to be there, they welcome you and your ideas to the rich tapestry of the group. They understand and respect that you may have differing beliefs and don’t tread on your toes with unwelcome religious proselytizing or verbiage that clearly promotes one belief over another. Furthermore, even if the bulk of the group is one religion or lifestyle, they go out of their way to make sure that they’re not doing things that make others feel unwelcome.
Contrast that with the first type of group – they don’t mind if you’re there, but they don’t really want your unique flavor in their mix. I am not opposed to this type of group; I both understand and can appreciate the value in having a group of people available to you that share your beliefs or way of life. Everyone should have a safe place to go to in order to work out their thoughts; reinforce their ideas and help fit new information into the framework of their current foundation. But it’s misleading to advertise your group as ‘inclusive’ when your practice goes against the definitions of the word. Saying ‘open to all as long as you understand and agree that XYZ’ is not the same as ‘inclusive’, especially when you really mean ‘open to anyone who is not homosexual, Atheist, Pagan, Muslim, Jewish or any other religion/sexual orientation/ way of life that we disapprove of’.
Dictionary.com defines ‘inclusive’ as that includes; enclosing; embracing. Thesaurus.com offers across-the-board, all the options, all together, all-around, comprehensive, full, global, whole, without exception as synonyms. As a homeschooling parent, I like the idea of those concepts for my children. I think that it is my job as my kids grow to continually expose them to ideas and thoughts and beliefs that make them think. As a parent and teacher, I am here as a sounding board, to listen to them and help them work through the things they hear and see and learn and help them clarify what they think about it; not to impose my thoughts and beliefs onto them. They have my example, and should they choose to follow, that’s great. If not, then I trust that I have raised intelligent people who are capable of reasoning out for themselves what fits into their life best. Considering the fact that I continue to learn and grow and see my ideas shaped by what I learn with each passing year, it’s ridiculous to think that I would be able to simply ‘tell’ my kids what to believe and have them just merrily go along with it.
I enjoy being part of an inclusive group because it gives my children that opportunity to get to know people of other religions. It exposes them to differing world views and ways of life, and the opportunity to ask questions and in general see that we’re all really not that much different. I think that part of my responsibility as a homeschooling parent is to make sure that my children are exposed to a diverse group of people. How can they learn what they think about things if their ideas are never challenged?
Surrounding yourself with like-minded people is not a bad thing. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people in an effort to avoid coming into contact with ideas and ideals that challenge yours IS a bad thing. Worse, offering a support group to your community in the guise of being helpful, all the while using that group to further a religious agenda or to attempt to squelch other ideas or convert non-conformists is tricksy and dishonest, and hardly conforms to the Christian ideals that many such groups claim to support.
If you’re so confident in your beliefs, then talking to someone who doesn’t share them shouldn’t affect your faith. There is no danger to me in talking to someone who is Christian because I don’t share their beliefs or faith. I have nothing to fear from them, or anything they say. In fact, I think that my beliefs are strengthened by interacting with people who don’t share my beliefs, and I also find that my beliefs are enhanced by understanding why they believe and think the way they do. There’s a beauty in not being so bound up by dogma and fear; getting to see and experience and share someone else’s beliefs is a joyous thing. Having an inclusive group, with a diverse membership makes this process easy, both for myself and my children. What a shame that most faith-based groups can’t say the same thing.
Warmly,
Science Fair 2011
Our homeschool group decided a few months ago to host a show and tell style science fair. Rather than go all out with display boards, we figured the kids could just do their experiment, and then do a report on them and an oral presentation.
We all got off to a pretty good start; there was a lot of interest in the idea, especially since we were going to do a non-competitive fair. I think that most of our group’s families plan to participate in the Texas Regional Science Fair, which is a homeschool science fair in Tomball, TX, in coming years, but since none of our kids have ever participated, we thought that a local show-and-tell fair would be a great introduction and practice run for them.
When my kids were in school, they went to a science academy charter school. There was heavy emphasis on math, science and technology, and the Science Fair was so big a deal that there was a special committee and an orientation specifically for parents who haven’t participated in SF before. The science fair was probably THE biggest event at the school, and to be fair, the kids had some truly awesome projects. I was privileged to be on the judges panel one year, and the kids had some truly impressive offerings. I was really looking forward to my kids participating there, and benefitting from the enthusiasm and encouragement from those teachers. Now that we’re homeschooling, they’ll miss out on some of that, but I think/hope that between our enthusiasm and encouragement, and participation in the TRSF, they’ll do fine.
Anyway… the boys waffled a bit on what project they wanted to do. We started looking at sites like Easy Science Fair Projects, Crystal Clear, All Science Fair Projects, PBSKids and About.com for ideas and topics. PeaGreen heard ‘fossils’ and immediately latched on to that one; even after a couple of days of looking, he was dedicated to that topic. LBB initially wanted to do triboluminescence – the light that tape or band-aids make when you rip the adhesive open in the dark or the ‘spark’ when you bite into a LifeSavers Wint-o-green candy. That lasted for a couple of days and then he lost interest; it’s fly season in southeast Texas and no matter how clean the kitchen is, it seems that for a couple of weeks in the beginning of the summer we always have a herd of flies in the kitchen window. So LBB decided to make bug traps to see if he could get them out of the window. From there, that evolved into an actual experiment – which bait would be better to catch fruit flies: raw meat or fruit? PeaGreen wanted to try to make a fossil, so we watched a few videos on fossils and casting them, and he took off with an idea – he was going to make an impression fossil and cast it plaster of paris.
I have to say that I am SUPER impressed with my boys. Both of their projects required trial and error and re-working the idea, and patience. These are qualities that I’d ‘hoped’ my kids possessed, but I had yet to see them in action. I can happily report that they do indeed possess the necessary perseverance and fortitude and patience necessary to complete a project. PeaGreen ended up doing three different versions of his impression fossil, and two different castings, and LBB made two traps and came back over several days to chart his data.
I was doubly impressed because even though I said to begin with that these were their projects to do on their own, inevitably, mom ends up helping here and there. But, other than a few words of encouragement here and there, these projects were done completely by the kids.I helped with the write-ups, mostly transcribing and fine-tuning their ideas and thoughts on paper, but their videos are all their own. We ended up being the only once who could make it to the presentation on the day of the Science Fair, so I filmed the boys doing their presentations and thought I’d share them here.
You can read their reports if you like, LBB’s “The Flies Have It’ & PeaGreen’s ‘Fossilized’.
Even though we don’t put much emphasis on grade level, we decided that the end of May and the Science fair would complete this grade for them (done with 2nd for PG and 3rd for LBB), so we awarded them both with their grade diploma and Science Fair certificate. Good job, boys!!
Warmly,
~h
Religion: Education vs. Indoctrination
If the topic of religion is a hot topic, then the topic of religion in schools may best be described as nuclear… which is kind of odd to me since it should be a non-topic, what with that whole pesky ‘separation of church and state’ thing that those darn Atheist Americans are so insistent upon.
Depending on which camp you’re in, there is either too much or not enough religion in the school system. Atheists constantly clamor for further reviews of curriculum and push for more science-based texts while creationists complain that atheists are infringing on their rights by saying that science should take precedence over the bible’s version of the beginning.
My interest in this particular topic comes in when you start differentiating between education about religion (more rightly termed ‘religious studies’) versus religious indoctrination – two very different concepts. Obviously as a homeschooling family, whether or not religion is in school is not relevant to my children at this time, but I am interested in the subject, and rightly so, because though we’re homeschooling now and plan to continue, plans have a bad habit of changing without notice. As a parent who values research and evidence-based information, this is a topic that I keep my eyes and ears on.
I’m addressing it here, in a homeschooling blog, because I think that a lot of people assume that all/most homeschoolers do so for religious reasons, or to secure a religiously themed academic program for their kids. That’s hardly true, but it is a widespread misconception. I think it’s relevant here because the difference between education/study and indoctrination is key and as secular homeschoolers, we’re not indoctrinating our kids into a religion, but we do think that the study of religions and their beliefs as an academic subject is extremely valuable.
‘Religious studies’ is commented on as follows at Wikipedia:
Religious studies is the academic field of multi-disciplinary, secular study of religious beliefs, behaviors, and institutions. It describes, compares, interprets, and explains religion, emphasising systematic, historically based, and cross-cultural perspectives.
While theology attempts to understand the intentions of a supernatural force (such as deities), religious studies tries to study religious behavior and belief from outside any particular religious viewpoint. Religious studies draws upon multiple disciplines and their methodologies including anthropology, sociology, psychology, philosophy, and history of religion.
Religious indoctrination is defined and distinguished from education as:
the process of inculcating ideas, attitudes, cognitive strategies or a professional methodology (see doctrine). It is often distinguished from education by the fact that the indoctrinated person is expected not to question or critically examine the doctrine they have learned. As such it is used pejoratively, often in the context of political opinions,theology or religious dogma. Instruction in the basic principles of science, in particular, can not properly be called indoctrination, in the sense that the fundamental principles of science call for critical self-evaluation and skeptical scrutiny of one’s own ideas, a stance outside any doctrine. In practice, however, a certain level of non-rational indoctrination, usually seen as miseducative, is invariably present.
So, to recap, education requires critical thinking skills; to examine the information and evaluate it. Indoctrination discourages such practices.
Now, I know that there are some out there who would read that and dismiss it as a criticism of their religion. Years ago, I would have said that my religion actively encouraged its members to ‘seek out the truth’; to study and ask questions so that you can be sure of your faith. However, looking back now, I can clearly see that even though what was said from the platform was ‘ask and study and seek’, what was unspoken was definitely the opposite. People who asked too many questions were booted. The constant message from the platform was to be ‘sheep-like’, ‘meek’ and to follow the instructions of the church leaders. Your faith and dedication was called into question should you fail to fall in line with what was preached. It was made abundantly clear that you should not ask questions. The spoken message and the unspoken one were contradictory, and yet still allowed the members to ‘feel’ and ‘believe’ that they had the freedom to ask questions (make waves) without consequence. Because they felt that they were encouraged to study the claims presented as truth, they were less likely to do so, based on the false logic that ‘only those with the truth will invite criticism’. This example, to me, illustrates perfectly the difference between the two ideas.
Over the last few weeks as I was putting together this post, I’ve come across a few articles that deal with this subject. One is at EndHereditaryReligion.com. There are a couple of articles on children and indoctrination; Forcing Children into Faith is Ethically Objectionable asserts that indoctrinating children without their consent is an ethical violation, and Religions use Cult Indoctrination Techniques discusses the many insidious ways that religions go about indoctrinating their members,
especially children.
Religious Education is not Mindless Indoctrination asserts that there is value in having religious knowledge and the study of religion as a human phenomenon, and that the classroom is the logical place to get that information in the hands of small humans.
In short, there is more to teaching religion in school than mindless indoctrination. Religion can – and should – be taught as a sociological phenomenon – and one that is found in every human culture.
No doubt some of the practices that pass for religious education need to be examined. And no doubt some of the practices that pass for religious education in some of our state schools are questionable.
But that should not mean that these classes ought to be scrapped completely. If the education provided in these classes provides balance to different forms of religious expression, allows children to understand the practices of their peers and avoids indoctrinating children into a particular faith, then there should be no more harm in teaching children about religion than there is in teaching them philosophy or history.
I tend to feel like religious study is necessary. I think that as the world gets more inter-connected, having a deeper understanding and familiarity with other cultures and belief systems will go a long way towards peaceful interaction with other people and countries. I don’t think that in today’s world my kids can afford to grow up with a small-town mindset. Thinking globally is more than just a catch phrase, and I think that since so many cultures are indelibly stamped by their religious beliefs and practices, knowing about them can’t do anything but help. My conflict with this last article comes in with the assertion that the school should be doing the educating.
As a parent, and certainly as a homeschooling parent, I think it’s my job to educate my kids. This extends to religious studies as well – but I can definitely see the potential for some parents to withhold that information from their kids so that they’re properly indoctrinated into the parent’s religion. In such cases, then yes, having religious studies in school would help ensure that the children received at least a cursory introduction to other belief systems. I think that indoctrination goes the opposite way of understanding and respect for other cultures and people. How can you respect and value another person when you’re taught that they’ll be destroyed in fiery judgement because of their heathen beliefs?
In addition, I do think that indoctrination is an ethical violation. I understand the drive to share your faith with your children, but sharing is different from forcing them into it, and that’s what most parents are doing when they say ‘share’. I was raised in a religion where the indoctrination process is profound. It’s something that, like many religions who teach that their is the only way to salvation, is insidious and present in the very language of believers. Even now, I occasionally catch myself referring to the religion or the teachings using their terminology. I was baptized into my parent’s church at 16 – not because I believed the doctrine, but because it was expected of me. That was the next logical step. I was too old to coast along as a child anymore, yet too young to truly be aware of the consequences of what that commitment meant.
As an adult and non-practicing non/former member, any hope of my salvation within that religion is gone, because I have broken, irreparably, the vows I made as a child. Without ever having lived anywhere but in my believer-parents’ home, without ever being in any kind of situation to have my faith tested or even having access to information/education on other religions or cultures (beyond literature published on them BY the church), I chose a life-long commitment with only the indoctrination I received as a child. There’s no way that you can ethically be expected to make the kind of commitment that baptism or dedication requires when you’re not yet an adult. Even many adults don’t know what they’re getting themselves into when they make commitments; to expect a child to make and keep those kinds of vows is nine kinds of unethical.
We refuse to indoctrinate our kids. However, education is an entirely different matter. We want them to have a well-rounded and solid religious education – not to practice any one religion (unless they choose to and until they’re old enough to understand what that means), but to know about religions in general – the people, the cultures, the beliefs, the practices – and how those religions and their members have shaped history and modern science and education. I think that an academic knowledge of religion is necessary to understanding and relating to art and literature, and feel that there is a certain benefit in knowing what ‘you/they’ believe to further clarify what ‘I’ believe.
Since we’re raising our kids without religion, inevitably, there are questions asked and comments made. These are good questions, and often asked out of a sense of true concern. I can respect sincere requests for clarification, but once you take off the ‘god goggles’, it becomes obvious how ridiculous these questions/comments and others like them really are. Some of my favorites:
- Without God/The Bible/Religion, where do your morals come from?
Our morals come from the same place yours do – unless your position is that you really and honestly require a book to tell you what is right and what is wrong. I would imagine that if you lost your faith right this minute, you’d go the rest of your life without stomping on kittens and robbing banks. Wrong is still wrong and knowing those things come from inside… unless you’re a sociopath.
- You have to have a foundation in something. If not God, then what? (and other variations on the ‘you have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything’ theme.)
- What about salvation? Aren’t you afraid for their futures?
Underwater Basketweaving
I read that in a post by Pioneer Woman a while back as the name for a subject that the overly ambitious homeschooling mom might engage her kids in. Imagine my shock and surprise when I learned that UB actually exists, along with a host of other seemingly odd courses: Philosophy via The Simpsons, Science via Harry Potter (we may actually use that one), and cultural studies by way of a Zombie Apocalypse… pretty snifty if you ask me – the other stuff that is, not necessarily the UB part (though I kinda wonder now if the pressure of the water helps keep the strips from being so fly-away when you’re weaving and am oddly tempted to try this in the pool now…) Anyway, PW’s post inspired me to examine my own motives and methods and I thought I would share.
Motive
My motives are multi-faceted. I think that most homeschooling parents can say that, but it seems that many? most? have a primary reason for homeschooling. I always get confused when talking about the ‘primary’ reason… we have the catalyst – what happened, what immediate need that was not being met that was the push I needed to make the decision to venture into homeschooling; but the reasons that we homeschool are much more broad than ‘a’ reason.
For one thing, I see homeschooling as an extension of our parenting style. Though we don’t follow every tenet of attachment parenting, that’s definitely the way we lean and I feel that this approach is responsible for the relationship that we have with our kids. As for educational goals, we want to have children who know how to find the information they need when they need it. To start with, we want them to have a solid foundation in math, science, history, language arts and a developed artistic voice. That means that at this age, we’re less delight-led and more eclectic with classical/CM leanings. As they get older, and master the basics, we’ll branch out more into their individual paths of study. We’re cultivating and fostering those interests now, but are more concerned with building a solid foundation right now. We also want to cultivate in them the desire to continue learning, even when there’s no paper due or grade attached to a project.
Obviously, homeschooling is not the only way to accomplish those things, but for our kids, we believe that homeschooling is the best way. Homeschooling allows me, as the primary teacher, to tailor my kids’ lessons to their individual needs; learning style, interests, abilities. It allows them to stay on one concept long enough to master it rather than ‘having’ to move on because we have to cover X number of pages/concepts this year.
Homeschooling also allows me the benefit of setting a schedule that works within the context of our family. We’re night owls and prefer to sleep later in the mornings. We can also incorporate community activities and area events that we’d normally be too tired for if we had to deal with school-school, and field trips on a whim. I’m sure there are additional benefits, but those are the ones that stand out as most important as write this.
Method
Though we look at education as a mutual responsibility, it works best for our family to have me in the role of primary educator. I’ve always been the primary caretaker, so this is again a natural extension of that role. It’s more traditional, and one of the few aspects of our lives that does fall into a more traditional/stereotypical ideal.
As a teacher, my methods are myriad. I am continuously looking for and learning about new ways to teach and new things that I think might inspire my kids. When I read about something I like, chances are that in the following weeks we’ll experiment with some form of that idea. If it works out, it might become a staple. If not, then I scrap it and try something new. This approach might not work for everyone, but it suits us quite well. It means that we’re not bogged down in any one thing or way for too long, but it also means that we’re not terribly consistent with any one style. We probably don’t garner the full benefit of Charlotte Mason style homeschooling, for example, but we incorporate plenty of her techniques into our homeschool and that works well for us. Besides, I honestly don’t think that any one method would suit us well enough to stick with long-term anyway.
One of the more inspiring things I’ve come across in recent months was a video by Escapist Magazine called Gamefying Education. We’re gamers, so naturally this caught my attention. It also made some darn good points about simple ideas that can change the way kids react and interact with education – things that even teachers in the classroom can implement. Since we’re not trapped by the a school administration’s policies and procedures, you’d think that such ideas come naturally, and to an extent they do, but having it all spelled out in this way (and in relation to gaming) was very illuminating.
The three areas of change that the video talks about are scoring, autonomy and motivation to continue learning once the lesson is over. One of the thoughts that struck me most in scoring was the notion that people go into a graded task with the thought that they have 100 points and that every mistake chips away at that. However, in gaming, you always start at zero and accumulate experience points as you go. You still can end up with the same number of points (though who wouldn’t choose a max of 100XP over a max of 10XP??), you just count up instead of down. Simple, but revolutionary.
The other two points, autonomy (freedom to choose their own direction) and motivation to continue learning, are less of a novel concept out of the classroom. I think that most homeschooling families tend to do so with and eye towards nurturing their kids’ interests and facilitating opportunities for their kids to expand them. But I really like the idea of learning as a game. The large-scale project that was mentioned in the video is beyond me at this point, but I am going to continue thinking about it and bugging my fellow homeschoolers out there (You. Yeah, YOU. *nudge, nudge*) and see what we come up with.
I did find Integer Jim’s math game, ‘Quest for the Golden Calculator‘ and am trying to convince my homeschool group that we should do this as a group activity, but so far they seem pretty unenthusiastic about the idea. I also found this website with game resources – in particular is a Jeopardy style game-creator that’s pretty awesome. That’s not exactly the large-scale game that the video was talking about, but it’s a pretty good start, I think. In any case, I look forward to brainstorming more on the game idea and hearing what you guys come up with, too.
Warmly,
~h
Lesson Planning: Summer 2011
If you’re a long-time reader at This Adventure Life, you may have noticed that I am not doing lesson planning posts for each mod the way that I did last year. One of the reasons that I haven’t been doing them is because we’re not switching materials with the same frequency that we did last year.
2010 was our first year homeschooling with school-age kids (we’d gotten in a couple of years of home-pre-school before LBB started K), and as a newbie, I was experimenting with different styles, different methods, different schedules – basically trying out as much as we could to find what works and what doesn’t. I’m glad we did it that way; we got a look at a ton of different materials and tried on quite a few ‘homeschooling hats’ and got a feel for what we liked and didn’t, what worked and what we should change. If you’re new to homeschooling, I’d definitely recommend approaching your first year in that manner – as an experiment of sorts, to find your groove. The benefit was that going into this, our second year, I felt like a I had a much better grasp on the mechanics of homeschooling, and a better idea of the kinds of materials and lesson styles suited my kids best. For the most part, we’ve stayed pretty consistent with our materials and methods – we’re still using what we started with in January (though we’re finished with some of it already) and our 4 weeks on/1 week off schedule works well.
If you want ‘categorization’, I’m really not sure where we fall in the homeschool styles spectrum (though I did find this nifty teaching style quiz. I’m a 56 – combined parent/child directed. I think that’s pretty accurate, though I see a lot of what’s described as ’traditional’ in my style as well). I see us as fairly easy-going, but by no means do we fall into the ‘relaxed’ homeschooler category. We’re also not ‘rigorous’, though we do have a lovely schedule and manage to stick to it a goodly portion of the time – at least for the months that fall within the traditional school year. For the summer months though, since we school year-round, we’re making some adjustments to the schedule to accommodate the goings-on in our community.
I have divided our school year into ‘sessions’ to accommodate what feels like a good pattern for us. The Winter Session is January – May. Summer Session is May-August, and the Fall Session is September – December. Our heaviest session, work-wise is the Winter Session. It’s the longest (5 months), and is the beginning of the new school year, so everything is all shiny and new. During the summer, my niece Fred (y’all remember Fred, don’t you?) spends a significant amount of time with us, so it’s somewhat impossible to hold a ‘regular’ school day with a sometimes-guest. This year we’ll be coordinating her visits with our activity days, so we’ll have a bit of a better routine this year, I hope.
We’re fortunate to live in an area where there are many summer offerings to take advantage of in the community, on both a city-wide and state-wide level. With gas prices being so high, that will curb our comings and goings on longer trips, but around town, there is still plenty to keep us occupied.
Our local libraries (in our county and two neighboring ones) all offer a summer reading club. In addition to the
book/reading part, each of them host different kids’ events for several weeks; puppet shows, magic shows, local Parks & Wildlife and Rangers give presentations, our local art museum has a mobile program, the Houston Zoo’s Mobile Zoo comes, Gator Country does presentations… it’s a pretty extensive list of ‘things to do’ that offers plenty of material for a homeschooling family to use as a jumping-off point for unit studies and lessons – and that’s just from the library.
We also have the Texas Nature Challenge, with missions from all over the bayou region (all over the state, really), we have the chance to explore state parks and other educational attractions with an eye towards education and conservation. This year’s missions include destinations such as Matagorda Bay Nature Park and Natural Science Center, Sheldon Lake State Park & Environmental Learning Center, Sea Center Texas and Habitat March at Nature Discovery Center’s Russ Pitman Park, among others.
And then there are the museum programs, visits to friends’ homes and Spindletop Rollergirls games, community service projects, 4H, and whatever else piques our interest. We like to stay busy!
HomeschoolShare.com‘s extensive list of unit studies and lapbooks will come in handy, I’m sure. We’ll cater more to the boys’ interests (ages 8 and 9; in 3rd and 4th grade-ish) this summer and focus less on ‘curriculum’, though we will continue with some basics, just not as rigorously. I did buy a couple of workbooks for the summer, Math Minutes and Summer Activities for the Gifted Student (just to clarify on that one; no, I don’t think my children are ‘gifted’ – well, they’re both exceedingly bright, but we’re not talking savant-level genius or anything. That’s just the name of the workbook. Don’t get your panties in a twist over it. {wink}).
We’ve used the Math Minutes workbook before; it’s 100 lessons with 10 problems on each page, designed to be done in 1 minute. LBB took more like 10, and often did 2 pages at a time, but then we used that as a bridge between ‘OMG, we’re homeschooling!!’ and ‘proper math curriculum for properly homeschooled child’. We’re >thisclose< to being done with this ‘grade’, so the two new books will be used here and there where needed to supplement our more regular, though considerably lighter than during the Winter Session. (On a side note, when I was looking for the Amazon link to the Math Minutes workbooks, I came across this: Math Minutes by Sadlier-Oxford Publishing. It’s a website that you can use to practice math concepts. You choose the category and set the time and then go. We haven’t used it yet, but it looks interesting. Just thought I’d share…)
In addition to the already full summer plan, two of our local movie theaters also do a kids’ program; one previously-released kids movie each week for $1 per ticket. You can’t beat that and since we don’t often go to the movies, we’re planning on taking advantage of that this summer as well.
I can’t wait to get started! What’s on your calendar for the summer?
Warmly,
~h
Our First Year of Homeschooling is Complete.
Incredibly, we’re more or less done with our first year of homeschooling. This week is the last week in my lesson planner (an oversight that is corrected in next year’s planner), and though we will still be doing ‘school-ish’ things throughout the month of December, we’re officially out of school until January 3rd.
I can’t believe that we’re already finished with our first year! Back in January, when I started on this path, I knew we were taking a step in the right direction. Even so, I remember feeling nervous about the actual day-to-day ‘doing’ of it.
Many of the websites I looked at in the beginning talked about how the first year of homeschooling is an exploratory year. They cautioned against buying too much or getting too entrenched in one method or mindset with the comment that the way you think you’ll homeschool often isn’t the way that ends up working for you. I’m so glad that I read those kinds of things because I found those points definitely to be true in my case.
I’m glad that we didn’t buy a bunch of text books; we rarely use them, opting instead for materials that aren’t so dry. We started our homeschooling year enchanted with Charlotte Mason style ideas. Books play such a central role in our lives, so that style fit in with what we were already doing by nature. We stuck with that pretty well until summer hit, which required a re-vamp as my niece was with us most days. I’d started to read more about ‘de-schooling’ by that point, too, so we fell into more of an unschool-y rhythm. Not ‘real’ unschooling, but as close to it as I’ll ever come, most likely. Then when the school year started up again, our homeschool group was getting off the ground and more active, so we moved more into unit studies and active learning through field trips and other non-traditional methods (though we have kept a fairly consistent level of book-work at home throughout). Over the last few months, we’ve also been doing more lapbooking and finding our groove with a more relaxed and mastery focused method.
It’s been interesting to me to work through the progression over the past year. We’re both not at all where I thought we’d be and exactly on-target. I’m extremely pleased with how the year has gone, with the work that the kids have done this year, and with the material we’ve covered. I’ve learned to be more relaxed – not so much that school slacks, but enough so that I’m not worrying myself ragged over being ‘on track’ with public school or so that the kids aren’t enjoying learning. I still worry about it, but I think they’re pretty well ‘on-target’ with their grade level, and that is reassuring. That’s my hold-out issue; staying ‘on-track’. I think that worry will lessen as time passes and we settle more into homeschooling.
There are, of course, some things that I want to get back in a better habit of doing. For the first few months, I read to the kids almost every day. Now, they read aloud every day, but I rarely read to them unless it’s something on the lesson plan. I miss that, so I will be adding more literature and story-time for next year – actually scheduling it so it doesn’t slide. More along that line of thought to come; I’m working on a Lesson Planning for 2011 post that will be up soon.
Aside from a curriculum to teach, there are some things that are essential for a new homeschooler. If you’re just starting out, here’s my list of must have items to make homeschooling ‘go’:
- a good lesson planner & calendar
- 100 quality pencils and an electric pencil sharpener. Click or pink erasers would not go amiss.
- skip crayons; opt for quality colored pencils
- case of copy paper or two and a quality printer and plenty of ink refills
- internet access
- Counting rack/abacus, globe or world map (globe is better), a comfy chair for Mom
Another thing I found to be most helpful this year has been establishing a firm support foundation, both in real life and on the internet. Meeting local homeschooling families has given both me and the boys a social outlet as well as afforded us more active learning opportunities via field trips and group events. In addition to ‘real’ hand-holding, I’ve found so many homeschooling moms who are willing to share on forums and through blog recommendations. You ladies have no idea how helpful you’ve been; how valuable and encouraging your experiences and stories and accounts of day-to-day homeschooling life have been to me. Thank you so much for sharing!
First Day of Homeschooling
Homeschooling, Year 1 is Complete
Without a doubt, this year has been a rousing success. It’s been such a joy and privilege to share our first year with you, dear reader, and I thank you for your comments, feedback and unwavering support! Homeschooling has been wonderful for us, and I am so grateful that we have this opportunity. I’m looking forward to sharing next year with you as well.
From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
Warmly,
~h
Just a Normal Homeschooling Mom
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Two people searched that phrase today and found my blog. That made me start thinking about what it means to be a ‘normal’ homeschooling mom.
On the one hand, I consider myself pretty normal; conventional, even. Traditional, certainly. We’re a family consisting of a married man and woman, with the requisite 2 children (sans dog), living in a single-family home on the outskirts of a moderately sized American city. My Loverly Husband works and is the ‘breadwinner’; I am a homemaker (that hates cooking) and I drive a mini-van (don’t hate; I was adamantly against it until I owned one). My husband works a normal work week, we have relatives that live nearby and maintain a pretty close familial relationship with our siblings, parents and grandparents, typical familial squabbles notwithstanding.
As a mother, I have always been somewhat outside the mainstream. I chose midwives to deliver my babies with instead of OBs. I went into labor spontaneously, naturally and planned natural labors (though that didn’t work out exactly according to plan) and my babes were both born vaginally with no cuts or other artificial assistance. I breastfed exclusively. I made my own baby food. We co-slept, cloth diapered (part-time) and opted out of vaccination. I breastfed through my pregnancy with my second child and tandem nursed my babies. We never used babysitters; only family ever watched my kids and those occasions were (and still are) few and far between; not because we don’t have options or because we don’t trust anyone, but because we actually enjoy spending time with our kids. That’s normal for us, and I’m used to being different from others in this respect.
As a homeschooling mom, we’re right in the middle. We’re not too rigorous, nor are we totally relaxed. We use both books and computers for schoolwork. For the most part, I feel right there in the thick of ‘normal’. There are times though, that I feel like I’m really out there on the edge. I think that the determining factor is who I’m surrounded by in that moment. As a homeschooling mom, I should be part of this enormous and growing community of women who support each other and reassure each other in their endeavors to educate their kids. But as a secular homeschooler, I’m one of the smaller sub-sections of homeschooler for whom there is little support – much like ‘homeschooling dad’ or ‘working homeschooling mother’ or ‘homeschooling grandparent’.
Thankfully, the secular homeschooling community is growing by leaps and bounds. Even just over the past year, I’ve noticed more groups and blogs that speak to secular homeschoolers popping up. Searching ‘secular homeschooling’ nets more and more sites every week. That’s a great thing, because that means that what is considered normal is changing. The more label-specific groups open up, the more diverse the general homeschooling community becomes, which in turn helps to re-define ‘normal’. I sincerely hope that other niche groups of homeschoolers will also grow, further shaping society’s perception or normalcy.
I’m very fortunate to be a part of a growing and active local support group. The benefit to me and my children in having like-minded homeschoolers to meet up with definitely helps shape my idea of normal. As it is now, I am happy to be a ‘normal’ homeschooling mom, especially when my definition of ‘normal’ means that I get to have bright pink hair and kids with freshly cut mohawks.
What’s your normal?
Warmly,
~h
Socializing With ‘Normal’ Kids
If there’s one area of interest that I share with Christian Homeschoolers, it’s the desire to have a strong social network of like-minded peers for my children.
I want my kids to see other families placing importance on issues that we feel strongly about. I want them to see and hear the things that we believe reinforced in their peers’ actions, conversations and beliefs. I want my kids to know and interact with other people out there who share our world-view and mindset. I feel that this is a key point in helping my children find their place in the world.
Unfortunately, living a secular lifestyle in the Bible Belt makes that desire somewhat challenging to fulfill. Though we have an active secular homeschooling support group, we’re far from the majority. ’Normal’ people around here attend a Christian-based church. Most people admit, and prefer, that their primary social network is deeply rooted in the church. Even people who don’t attend church regularly espouse some religious preference or bias and still tend to form relationships with people who share an affinity for their chosen religious leanings. Though religious diversity is finally starting to trickle down this far south the vast majority of people, especially in the homeschooling community, are of a Christian denomination.
For the most part, that’s fine. Like most ‘normal’ people, our family places importance on being fair and considerate, being respectful to and of others, being a good neighbor and continuing to ‘better’ ourselves, and on other basic ethical principles. But that’s really where the similarities end.
We don’t place emphasis on the Bible or any other ‘holy book’. We respect that other people do, but it is far from an infallible source of authority in our home. When there’s a question, we don’t ask ‘what would Jesus do’, we talk about how doing XYZ ‘feels’ or how that might impact you in the future, or look to history to see how a similar action turned out. When faced with questions that can’t be answered, we emphasize that it is okay not to know all the answers and again encourage focusing inwardly to explore how different paths feel for you as an individual. We feel that it’s our job to guide them on their journey, not direct them on a path.
It’s just as important to me to have these concepts reinforced in my children’s social circle as it is for your average ‘normal’ mom to want her ideals echoed in her children’s peer group. It’s even more important when the issues are more complicated; things like LGBT rights, family planning and reproductive rights, sex education and sexual activity, language, censorship… there are many issues that we feel differently about than your average bear. It worries me that my children might be deemed a ‘bad influence’ when they’re around ‘normal’ kids just because of differences in opinion on what ‘right’ is. My children recognize injustice and hate, even when it’s painted with the church’s brush, and aren’t afraid to decry it. Some people find that offensive and though I feel that’s their issue and not ours, justifying wrong as ‘right’ in the name of religion is not something I want my kids exposed to.
So how does one go about establishing connections with like-minded people? The internet, of course! Something I have been looking for, and finding, is other secular and inclusive groups in my area. Granted, my ‘area’ has grown to include cities over 3 hours away, but still. There are more than a couple of close-ish groups that specifically call to homeschooling families that eschew the stereotype and not only are ‘secular’ but have members who practice religions other than Christianity.
I believe that making these connections now, while my kids are young, will afford them opportunities when they’re older. Expanding my reach and field of vision is important if I want them to think and live globally. I feel that the key to respect is exposure – exposure to differences of viewpoint and lifestyles that challenge their concept of ‘normal’; exposure to art, literature, ideas, beliefs and religions that aren’t represented or respected in our community. It is important to me that my children learn to look beyond external extensions of their peers and see the person as a whole; to find what is similar instead of what is different.
I’m fortunate to have found a local community of like-minded families to spend time with. I am glad that my children have friends who are being raised similarly, whose parents answer questions with the same sort of mindfulness that I strive to consider when replying. As the secular homeschooling community expands, I look forward to meeting other parents who share that world view, and the additional opportunities that will be available through those connections. Very fortunate, indeed.
Warmly,
~h
Thankfulness Tree
So everyone on my Facebook friends list in playing the ‘Thankful Every Day’ game. Every morning (and evening, because all my friends are not on the same schedule – who knew?), I wake up to a wall full of ‘Today I am thankful for…’ posts. It’s both lovely and frustrating at the same time.
It’s lovely – of course it’s lovely to be thankful for the many, many wonderful things and people in our lives, it really is. I love that there is a time of year that people can wax nostalgic and poetic and it’s not only tolerated but encouraged. It’s reassuring to me to see to see that people actually do take time out and recognize the special people and events and good fortune that have graced their lives, and whether or not they attribute that to a certain deity or not, it makes me feel good to live in a world where my friends are conscious of and readily acknowledge the good things in their lives.
As non-church-goers, some may question how we instill a spirit of thankfulness in our kids. I don’t buy into the ‘every good thing comes from God’ rhetoric, though I was raised with it. To this day, I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer to why good things happen to bad people. I don’t want a theological debate here; Loverly Husband and I are quite happy where we are spiritually speaking; but it is enough for us to disdain the thought of bringing our children up into that lifestyle and mindset.
So how do we go about bringing up our kids to be thankful? Honestly, I don’t think that we have any more difficulty in this regard than your average church-going family. Demonstration goes a long way towards how your children are shaped as they grow up and my husband and I both try to model good behaviour and habits for our kids. We try to point out the wonder and mystery in everyday life and express appreciation that we’re here to see it, that we live in the here and now, and that we have them in our lives to share it with.
We’ve brought them up Southern Style, with ‘yes, ma’am’s and ‘no, sir’s and general good manners, which include an awareness of kindness shown to you by others. My kids are fairly polite (often without being prompted, even!) and are generous with their ‘Thank Yous’ both in everyday life and when we see or experience something unusual, extraordinary or amazing. But it’s one thing to be thankful and yet another to be consciously exercising thankfulness. To that end, I do think that my kids could expend a little more mental effort into consciously acknowledging the good things in their lives. I saw a thread on SecularHomeschool.com’s forums about a Thankfulness Tree, where the kids add ‘leaves’ everyday throughout the month. I thought it was a lovely idea, and we have made one of our own:
It is interesting to me to see the progression of what the kids are thankful for; how it starts out fairly superficial and is leaning more towards the conveniences that we take for granted. ‘Clean clothes’ made the list today, and ‘my home’, which is different from the house as a physical building, I’m told. I’m very curious as to what will make the list as the month continues. Judging by today’s additions though, I think we’re doing fine.
Warmly,
~h
Secular Musings
Why is there a need for a secular homeschool group? Why would you join a secular homeschool group?
This seems to have come up in response to an inquiry I made of some of the other homeschooling groups in the area. There is a free class for teachers and homeschooling parents through the TX Parks & Wildlife called Project Wild that we’re about to participate in, and since we need to have X number of people to set up a local class, I contacted some of the groups in the area to see if they might have an interest in this as well. Somehow, that ‘good intention’ has morphed into widespread fear that I might be trying to ‘bring the homeschooling groups together’ for some strange and scary ‘interfaith’ activities that may or may not be designed to subvert their kids away from the church.
Le sigh.
I love the picture above, because it is the personification of what is wrong with faith-based groups. They don’t understand, and they don’t want to understand. I am reminded of Chris Tse’s words in his amazing poem, “I’m Sorry I’m a Christian“:
…so confident of my own beliefs that I would never even think to think about thinking about yours.
Why ‘secular’? Mainly… because I am not ‘one of you’. I don’t feel comfortable in your groups because everything you say (esp. re: history and science and Biblical ‘truth’) is presented as fact with no room for discussion. I don’t share your convictions on those points; why would I subject myself to an environment where there is only room for one truth and not even respect for anything else? That is why we both need, and have, and have joined, a secular group.
My question to you is, ‘Why can’t you do anything without it being steeped in your faith? Do you not derive strength and fortitude from any other source? What would you/will you do if ever your faith is proven to be false? Will you cease to have a reason to live and give up all hope or will you still find that you are the same, concerned, loving parent intent on doing the best you can for your kids? That sounds sarcastic; I know it does, and yet it is an honest question.
I have long left the faith I was raised in and have remained constant. I am still the same person I have always been and I manage do so on the sole merit of my own authority, not because of faith or belief or religious dictates. I have not changed. What I believe and believe in has. I refuse to allow adherents of any religion to dictate how I feel about things, what I can see, what I can listen to, who I can be friends with or grant them authority over any other aspect of my life and lifestyle. I’m both capable of and interested in doing those things for myself.
All that said, I really do think that the Christian homeschooling community at large gets a bad rap a lot of the time. I think that the vast majority of homeschoolers are probably ‘normal’ people. They laugh at funny jokes, they watch TV, they like music – you know, normal. It’s that vocal few who have the drive (or narcissistic personality disorder?) to start and successfully run a homeschooling group who end up speaking for the group because that’s what group leaders do – whether or not all the members of a group feel that way, simply by being associated with XYZ group, people assume that you feel that way, too. For example, in my group, there are several moms who are deeply religious. I know, right? I’ll wait a minute while you reconcile that shocking thought in your head…
… Yes. DEEPLY religious. As in, their religion defines them as people and dictates their behavior and response in any given situation. I’d definitely call that deeply religious… and yet they are in a secular homeschooling group. Why? Well, because the tenets of their faith do not jive with the tenets of the already-established faith-based groups in this area. Or maybe because their main goal in homeschooling is to educate, not indoctrinate. Or maybe it’s because we have a planned group activity every week. Or maybe it’s because our motto is “Triangle Homeschoolers – This is the place where people are awesome to each other.” Either way, association and participation in a secular group does not offer commentary on the state of our members’ faith or religious convictions. Just because the group as a whole does not lean in any one particular religious direction does not mean that the members are not zealous in their own beliefs. Think ‘separation of church and state’.
Bottom line is that I (and by extension, my group) am in no way as influential as you seem to think. While it would totally rock if that were so, it’s simply not true. If a secular group is not for you, then don’t join it. We are no threat to you or your children or your beliefs or your faith-based group. My advice would be to simply ignore what doesn’t apply or appeal to you. Better yet, why don’t you come see what we’re all about before you make up your mind?
Warmly,
~h
(Sorry for the 3-days late SecThurs post… I am back-dating it though, which is cheating, I admit, but this post needed a LOT of editing.)
Secular Thursday, Defined
There’s a thread on SecularHomeschool.com that asks what makes you a secular homeschooler. Since I’ve been browsing the SecThurs blogs, I’ve also noticed a bit of a division between what one defines as ‘secular’ and the next. Apparently, there are many schools of thought on the subject.
For example, one person might define secular homechooling as completely a-religious. Another might use religious material but edit out the religious stuff, or be fine with a modicum of religious content but refraining from letting that be the focus. Some secular homeschoolers atheist or agnostic and others are Christian, but do not define themselves as “Christian Homeschoolers”. Still others are decidedly anti-Christian in bias and seem to get a little miffed when the Christian set use ‘secular’ to define themselves.
While I understand and can identify with many facets of the ‘secular’ arguments, I thought that rather than debating the seemingly endless possibilities and nuances that secular homeschoolers encompass with the term, I thought that I would define what ‘Secular Thursday’ means to me so that when you come to my blog looking for a SecThurs post, you’ll know what flavor of ‘secular homeschooling’ you’re getting into.
Though I think Smrt Mama left a pretty open discussion guideline for SecThurs, most of my SecThurs posts will have to do specifically with religion and how it relates to homeschooling in some way. I am not a particularly religious person though I was raised in a very conservative religion. My Loverly Husband and I do not attend church and we don’t allow our children to attend church either. We live in the ‘Bible Belt’ so the main religion we’re exposed to in our area is Conservative Christianity (CC). I am intrigued by the message of love and forgiveness that CC seems to preach and baffled at the many ways in which CC’s members cast judgement, belittle, criticize, ostracize and make utterly unwelcome anyone who makes it clear that they are unwilling to follow that line of belief. This attitude is especially apparent in the homeschooling community here as there are 7 Christian-based co-op/support groups in this area. To my knowledge, none of these groups even allows anyone who is not CC to become a member. They are not inclusive, they are not welcoming or tolerant of other faiths and the juxtaposition of message vs. works is quite perplexing to me… so I write about that a lot.
In our homeschooling, I do not seek out religious material and I rarely use anything with a religious slant unless the lesson we’re studying is on that particular religion. I don’t care for bible verses listed on everything, or opening messages that talk overmuch about faith or related subjects. While I am not ‘anti-religion’, I vastly prefer secular materials and prefer that science be the foundation for my children’s education rather than faith/belief. I do try to be respectful (mostly) in my portrayal of other religions, though when faced with outright non-Christ-like behavior from CC’s, I reserve the right to point and sneer mockingly while making snide remarks.
Overall, I think my blog carries a secular tone. The resources I recommend are overwhelmingly secular, though if I find something I like I won’t ‘not’ use it just because it’s got a bit of religious content. While I wouldn’t want CC’s to be uncomfortable reading here, they’re not my primary audience and as such I won’t censor my posts with that audience in mind. There isn’t a large secular homeschooling community though it is growing by leaps and bounds, and I cherish my little corner of the blogosphere where I can talk about things that interest me (and hopefully, you).
In conclusion, that’s what you can expect from my SecThurs posts – a great deal of rumination about the climate of homeschooling without religion in a very religious area, and a few posts on how we do things without a faith-based slant. If you’re a secular homeschooler and haven’t checked into writing with Smrt Lernin’s Secular Thursday bloggers, let this be your invitation. Click the icon below for more info.
Warmly,
~h
Tame Child-Creatures
I saw this posted the other day on Facebook. I and copied it to my TAL FB page, but ever since then, it’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about ‘tame child-creatures’ and comparing my own heathen horde with them and have thus far come out glad that our home contains none of these docile small people.
I’ll be blunt here; sometimes, homeschooling sucks, and when you have children who have been taught that their thoughts and opinions matter, and as a result of that, are used to being heard, listening to a 25 minute treatise on ‘Why We Shouldn’t Have to do Math Today’ can be doubly tiresome. We’ve spent the last couple of months in a bit of a rut. If you’ve been reading here lately, there have been a few posts whining about being tired and irritated. I would apologize for that, but I won’t lest I be accused of perpetuating the false notion that homeschooling is always hunky-dory.
I reached a breaking point (mental exhaustion-induced, I think now) and almost threw in the towel on homeschooling. After some discussion and intervention by Loverly Husband, some mindful cooperative parenting/homeschooling, a bunch of deep housekeeping and home-blessing projects and a substantial break and family vacation over the past two weeks, we’ve been successful in reigning in our kids a bit, setting some reasonable expectations and clearer boundaries and are getting back on an even keel.
That’s not to say that everything is comin’ up roses; we’re currently battling a little bit of First World Entitlement Syndrome (which has resulted in some serious discussions about their status in life and some plans on Mom/Teacher’s part to work in more hands-on direct contact with those less fortunate in our community).
All that aside though, I like that my kids have… personality. I am grateful that they’re thinkers and leaders – they question things; they don’t follow blindly and they’re confident that they will be heard. I count that as an accomplishment in my parenting career that my kids know that they can have their own opinions about things and that they feel free to express them. I admit that I have been embarrassed by them in public – what mom hasn’t? But most often, my embarrassment has come from me buying into some unrealistic stereotype that I momentarily feel pressured to conform to… like the idea that ‘good mothers’ have children who are mild-mannered, calm and quiet – especially in grocery stores.
I recently unsubscribed from a homeschooling support group because of the overwhelming presence of parents who want ‘tame child-creatures’; parents who have an unrealistic ideal in their head that their normally exuberant children don’t meet – and perhaps worse are the parents who are all too willing to share their favorite spirit-crushing methods of enforcing conformity. It got to the point that I was nauseated sometimes to read about some of the things parent’s have done to get those picture-perfect kids (like incorporating a spray bottle to squirt an errant child – like you might a puppy… srsly?? o_O).
The attitude seems to be that the long-term effects don’t matter (if they’re taken into consideration at all); as long as they present a good image to the world (or group) then whatever you do in the name of enforcing conformity is fine. I think that’s dishonest and downright harmful to the kids. It’s a mistake to think that in creating tame child-creatures, you’re actually molding the personality. If your child is wild at heart, you can discipline and punish the things you don’t like – but all that’s creating is a good actor. Sooner or later, that wild heart will break through, sometimes with tragic consequences. Wouldn’t it be ever so much better to work with your child to shape him or her into a productive adult? We all have flaws and personality quirks that will serve us in various ways as adults. As parents, we’re supposed to think in the long-term. Facilitating our child’s inherent traits to maximize future potential is in our job description. I believe that learning to ask questions will serve my kids better as adults than obedience. Confidence trumps conformity. Lead, don’t follow.
There’s balance, of course. We’re aiming for delightfully cultivated wild children here – not feral brats. I am not suggesting that children who are allowed to run free with absolutely no boundaries or expectations are better; they might even be worse. No one wants to deal with bratty children who haven’t been taught common courtesies. It makes me wonder how many parents go to the ‘tame’ extreme because they’re afraid of having a ‘brat’; and furthermore, how much the ‘tame’ and ‘bratty’ children contribute to the problem because other parents only see the two extremes – the oh-so-appealing docile and obedient child who never gives a moment’s trouble and the obnoxious, loud feral child who has no concept of his or her role in society.
I like the natural indulgence in the fullness of the moment that kids seem to live in when they’re allowed to; it’s a reminder to me to live in the ‘now’. If they’re a little loud, so what? If they’re a little bouncy, that’s usually okay, too. A few well-placed reminders do the job nicely. It’s more work, sure – you have to be present and paying attention to your kids a lot of the time. But that’s mindful parenting, not performance parenting and that’s what we’re working towards. Cultivating wild children means that you’re actively involved in what your kids are doing now, not trotting them out like show ponies. Even with all the effort that goes into striving for balance, I think I’d rather embrace the wild than train and tame.
Warmly,
~h
November 28, 2011 | Categories: Attachment Parenting, Lessons Learned, Parenting, Rambling Thoughts, Religion, Secular Thursday, She said WHAT?, Socialization | Tags: attachment parenting, balance, commentary, homeschool group dynamics, homeschooling stereotypes, methods, mindful parenting, raising responsible adults, secular homeschooling, Secular Thursday, SuperMom Complex, unrealistic expectations | 4 Comments »