Anchor Charts
Have you heard about anchor charts? An anchor chart is a chart that you make with your kids/students to help illustrate a concept. Once it’s created, the chart/poster is placed in an area so that it can be seen and referred to as needed.
I have seen many, many examples of anchor charts, and differing views on how they’re made. I’ve implemented a couple of techniques – from making them up before hand and presenting them to the kids, to working out a concept with the kids, taking notes and then making the final chart for display purposes. That seems to work better – making the chart together. I do admit to going online and finding an example of the chart I want to make and guiding the conversation in the right direction though!
A few months ago, I found a large wall chart pad at a school supplies store on clearance about bought it. Anchor chart pads are usually larger, but in a homeschool setting, this size creates smaller, more manageable sized charts that are idea for our space. The pad I use is a Bemiss Jason 24″ x 16″, 1.5″ ruled notepad, similar to this one at Amazon. We have a chalkboard on one wall and I just open the pad to the right chart and lean it against the board in the chalk tray.
Since we’ve been using anchor charts, I do think it’s helped. Most of them have some sort of catchy phrase to them that make the concept easy to remember. Some of our charts include:
- Reading Aloud (reading fluency chart)
- Reading Fluency (similar to our Reading Aloud chart, but less rhyme-ish. I actually like the Reading Aloud chart, used with the hand signs, better)
- Rounding Numbers
- Math Doubles (‘If you don’t know your doubles, you’re in ‘Double Trouble’)
- Math Strategies for Adding and Subtracting (8 ways to add and subtract: fingers, number line, abacus, tallies, memorize it, use a grid, count objects, put one number in your head and ‘add on’ or count the difference)
- Plot (like a roller coaster – beginning, middle (highest point), ending)
- Math Phrases (what phrases mean ‘to add’ – like ‘how many, altogether, plus… ‘subtract’ – remaining, left, take away, difference between… etc.)
- Math Fact Families
Warmly,
~h
Educate the Children
All over Facebook recently, I’ve seen pictures with a topic, like ‘Stay at Home Mom‘ and ‘Home Birthing Parents‘, and ‘Doulas‘ with 6 pictures that reflect the different attitudes and perceptions of what the parents/people who subscribe to the beliefs of the topic are like. I looked around for one on homeschooling, but couldn’t find one, so I made one:
And I thought I’d write about how homeschooling (or homeschoolers) seem to be viewed by the outside world.
I think one of the main perceptions I get from local society is that I don’t fit in with their ideal of what a homeschooling mother ‘should’ look like. I don’t own a denim jumper, I only have 2 kids, and though I drive a mini-van, it’s just your average-sized grocery-getter (or chariot, as one of my friends lovingly describes the transportation of choice for busy families). That’s not true for all areas, of course, but here there are definitely more than a few denim-jumper/quiver-full families. If it’s not the denim dress uniform, then it’s khaki and twin-sets (the less-than-stylish around here call this brand of woman a ‘West End Wanda’); another group that belong not to. My standard uniform is a black tee-shirt, jeans and whichever shoes I feel like putting on (which can range from Doc Martens, to wedge heels, to flip flops, depending on the day’s activities), which puts me firmly in the ‘impostor’ – or worse, ‘secular’ – category, according to the homeschooling majority in my area.
Then you have homeschooling as portrayed in the media. Over and over, I’ve seen stories about how abusive homeschooling is, and/or that the only reason people homeschool is to indoctrinate their kids into religion. While I do know plenty of homeschoolers who do so for religious reasons, most don’t fall anywhere near that crazy tree. For most Christian homeschoolers, their goal is to raise their kids with their family’s values at the forefront, including the need and desire to be faithful ministers of their god. Though I disagree with that approach, I do understand it and think that it’s dishonest to link homeschooling – even if the primary goal is religious in nature – with abuse, neglect or other acts of parents who would find some other way to harm their kids if religion was taken out of the picture. Those people are mentally ill and that does not describe the vast majority of homeschooling parents.
Up next is the perception that teachers have of homeschoolers. This one also gets an unfair rap in my opinion. I think that this perception is perpetuated by children who, for whatever reason, go back into the classroom after homeschooling for a while. Many times, the child is classified as ‘behind’ when that’s only part of the picture. One of the main benefits of homeschooling is that you can tailor your child’s education to your individual child. In Texas, we’re not required to follow the school’s curriculum, so we have a lot of room to truly match what we’re teaching to where our child is at. We can also go about education in an entirely different manner (mastery-focused instead of covering X amount of material this week; or take history chronologically while the school starts with your family and branches out from there). We can use unconventional methods – from educational philosophy or theory to using non-standard materials or classroom environments. Since we don’t follow the same method and curriculum as classroom teachers, that means that there are areas where our child may be behind and there are usually also areas where our kids have a more well-rounded education than his classroom counterparts. But too often, it’s not the whole of education that shows, only the areas where your child is not ‘up to standards’ and thus, the myth continues.
After that, we come to how non-homeschooling people see homeschooling (not all of them, obviously – but some, certainly). I think that the perception (not necessarily of ‘me’, but of homeschooling parents in general) is that homeschooling parents see their kids as genius-level potential, and that with enough early learning and constant fact-drilling, it will be enough to bring that potential into reality. I know that I speak for plenty of homeschooling parents when I say that our kids don’t hold any more potential than yours, nor are they smarter than your kids. The difference is how we go about accessing that potential. Homeschooling, again, allows us to tailor every aspect of our child’s education to that child. Even if we have several children, we can adapt how or what they’re learning to address that specific child’s needs. If we have a child with ADHD, we can do spelling words or math while the child is on a trampoline or yoga ball. If we have a child who is a night owl, we can start our school hours later in the day (or even have school at night). If we have one child who prefers reading and another who is adept in math, we can cater to those strengths while taking the other subjects a little slower to ensure that the foundation is solid before moving on. Give any student that level of personal attention and you’re going to get better results.
Next, there’s my perception. Since the comic is not my own creation and yet I identify with it wholeheartedly, I dare say that other homeschooling mothers feel similarly at least part of the time. If the text is too small, it reads, ’5 minutes after Mindy died trying, Brice finally understood fractions‘. It seems like there are days, especially when we start something new, that I explain and explain and explain and yet still it seems like nothing gets through. We’ve been doing this for over 2 years now, and I can see the pattern… all the sudden, one day it clicks. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but it’s happened over and over again. Then we start something new; rinse, repeat. As frustrating as it is to get the idea through my kids’ head that they’re learning something – they’re not experts yet and mistakes are okay; expected, even – the poor dears are blessed with enough aspects of my personality to ensure that failure is a big deal. They’d rather not do it at all than fail. But the other side of the coin is the gratification and exhilaration on their faces when they do finally get it and can do it like a pro.
Then there’s the reality of what it is that I, and homeschooling parents all over the world like me, actually do, and that is educate our children. We’re not experts, we’re not perfect. We have good days and bad, ups and downs and yes, there are days when we want to throw in the towel. It’s not about being superior or thinking we’re better or can do a better job than you; we don’t homeschool to judge you or your educational choices. In fact, we don’t care one bit what you do with your kids; we’re too busy doing stuff with our own kids.
The long and the short of it is that homeschooling parents come in a variety of packages, and no two are exactly similar. Now that I think about it, I’m may have a tee-shirt made that says ‘Homeschooler: Contents May Vary‘ to wear when we’re out and about. Like non-homeschooling parents, we do the things we think are best for our kids. Any contentious parent homeschools with genuine intent, and with their children’s best interests at the forefront of their lives. They’re not abusive, they’re not fanatics; they’re just regular people who feel like homeschooling is the best educational path for their kids. We’re not raising geniuses; we don’t think our kids are prodigies, but neither do we let them bum around all the time without seeing to their education. Our methods may look lackadaisical to you, but until you live in our home and see what we do, how we do it and what the results are, then we respectfully suggest that you keep your nose occupied elsewhere. We’re human; we get frustrated just like anyone would, but we’re also in a unique position of seeing our child’s mind expand on a daily basis – and taking pride on the role that we play in helping them learn.
Even with all our differences, homeschooling parents have one goal: educate the children.
Warmly,
~h
Photo credits:
homeschooling family: http://www.recycledpolyfurniture.com/about.php
religious indoctrination as child abuse: http://jesusmustbestopped.blogspot.com/2011/08/childhood-religious-indoctrination.html
kids playing video games: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/822769/are-your-kids-addicted-to-video-games
reading baby: http://ladyhazard.tumblr.com/post/372126132/aashawn-cristina-awesome-reading-baby-im
Mindy comic ( (c)Todd Wilson): http://extrememakeover-homeschooledition.blogspot.com/2011/07/year-two.html
Homeschool outside: http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2011/03/how-long-will-you-homeschool-your-children/
Into the Thick of it!
When the kids were little, The Backyardigans was a big hit at our house. When I sat down to write up a re-cap of our week, the song ‘Into the Thick of It” popped into my head, and so you’re treated to a reminiscence of my children’s pre-school days.
We’re back into our ‘normal’ school routine – week 2. Week one went by with a few bumps in the road, but overall, fairly smooth sailing. It’s always rough getting back into school-ish habits, but this week things have settled down quite a bit. I have been getting progressively more strict with the kids and schoolwork as we’ve progressed - insisting that they perform the way I know they’re capable of. Handwriting must be neat and legible or it will have to be written over again. Mistakes, though expected and understandable, are to be corrected before that assignment is considered ‘complete’. We do still work together quite a bit, but much of their schoolwork at this point is considered ‘independent’.
I know that everyone doesn’t homeschool this way; this is just how we do it. My goal as we move into higher elementary is to continue helping them be self-sufficient and independent workers. As they master the basics of elementary education, we’ll move into a more interest-oriented education, tailoring their individual paths to their strengths and future career goals.
Some highlights from last week:
We took a field trip to Pleasure Island for some hiking and bird-watching. We saw a handful of birds, but mostly the kids spent the day working on cracking the big rocks that lined the shores looking for geodes and embedded crystals. They found quite a few and we talked about the difference in tone between rocks that were solid and rocks that were hollow. We didn’t get any pictures, but it was a really fun (if a little chilly) day.
The kids and Loverly Husband all started karate last week. LH was a tae kwon do guy when we were in school, and LBB took a year of TKD back in kindergarten, but this is PeaGreen’s first martial arts experience. They’re all enjoying it. Our lovely sensei keeps nudging me to come play with them, pointing out that I would wear a size 3 gi (uniform). Considering that I haven’t worn a size 3 in anything since I was 3, that’s not a bad motivating point! I did start the Couch to 5K training program today with a few friends, so maybe in a few weeks/months I’ll feel more confident at mastering kung fu with the fam. At this point though, sending the menfolk off for class three times a week means heavenly-home-sweet-silent-home for me – I’m not ready to give that up just yet!
This week, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we’re reviewing our MLK Jr. lapbook and working on a unit study on MLK Jr. from The Homeschool Mom. We’re also visiting a nearby memorial park dedicated to Dr. King’s work and life. and will be following that visit up with some notebooking about him.
Hope your year is starting off smoothly!
Warmly,
~h
Homeschooling is Hard
If you’d asked me when we started what the hardest part of homeschooling was, I’d have probably said something about the curriculum, or confidence. At the beginning of last year, it would have been ‘fitting everything in’ or making sure that they didn’t have too many gaps in their education’ – again confidence related with maybe a little scheduling thrown in.
Ask me now, going into our third year, what the biggest challenge of homeschooling is and I say it’s the time commitment; the never-ending constancy of being ‘on’. As either Mom or Teacher, I am on-stage from the moment they wake up in the morning to whenever they finally fall asleep in the evenings (despite the fact that bedtime is at 8PM and not including the occasional during-the-night call to action). I do normally get up around the same time Loverly Husband does in the morning since the kids have started sleeping a little later in the mornings – that gives me a little bit of coffee time alone – but not much.
When my kids were little, I was wholeheartedly committed to the principles of attachment parenting. I remember the kids pre-school years as fun and full of joy, and at that point, we were planning to homeschool so there was no change of scenery in sight. I was happy with that plan, but if I’m honest about it, I admit that there were lots of days that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in desperate need of a nanny, a maid, and an all-expense-paid vacation to somewhere with sparkling sand and cabana boys.
As much as I enjoy my life, and I do recognize that compared to some situations out there my life has been nothing but roses, there have definitely been a couple of breaking points over the years that meant major changes for our family. These changes were needed, but probably should have been addressed sooner than they were. Once they were made though, the benefit to our family happiness was noticeable.
Never one for a pristine-clean house, when the kids were little it was pretty much always a disaster area. With little ones running around, it was really hard to keep them entertained and out of trouble long enough to get any real cleaning done, and whatever I cleaned, they’d messy again when I was in the hallway putting the cleaning supplies away. Since the kids were my priority, the house suffered. When PeaGreen was about 3 and a half or so, after a fight with my Loverly Husband, we finally got on a good housekeeping schedule (and the mighty Household Bossy Book was born). He and I both had roles to fill and after discussing what we had, and what we wanted to change, we were both more aware of the responsibilities that came with keeping up ‘our family’s’ home. It belongs to both/all of us, and though I don’t mind a larger portion of the housekeeping being heaped onto my plate since I am here, even LH and the kids have their ’chores’.
Another breaking point came when the kids started school. I was working (unpaid), trying to get a doula business off the ground, and dealing with the constant in-and-out of school, homework, being an active PTO member and volunteer – it was a lot. Since I was gone so much, it was harder to keep up with all the housekeeping myself, and so the Bossy Book got re-vamped, with the kids taking on larger responsibilities as chores. Then, due to a variety of circumstances, including a tragic miscarriage, I decided to put my personal career goals on hold, and soon after that we started homeschooling.
One of the benefits to having the kids in school though – and one that I miss greatly at times – is the amount of time that I had to myself. From 8AM to almost 3PM, even though I was still ‘on call’ for the kids if needed, it’s not the same as having them underfoot all day, every day. The initial adjustments to homeschooling were all about the good – it was such a welcome change from what we had been dealing with that the day-to-day hadn’t set in yet. Even as much as a year or so later, I think we were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
A couple of months ago, I reached another breaking point. I was ready to quit; even went so far as to look up enrollment information for the kids to go back to school. Part of me was dead serious about it. Part of me was indulging in a fantasy. I was having a super bad day/week, and anything that wasn’t ‘here’ and ‘me’ was better than what we had going on – being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. And of course, the reality that going back to school would not solve any problems; in fact, it would only add new and more awful ones to my already stressed-out plate. And so again, a necessary argument discussion with Loverly Husband about what we had and what was and what was not working was called for. He actually had a day off planned that week, and normally when he’s home, we’re off. But after discussing it, we decided to have school anyway, and let him see how things normally went.
Having a visitor for the day was a good thing*. Having Dad here to actually experience the way that we normally do school and the tactics that our (brilliant, clever and witty) kids have developed to circumvent my methods actually did help. I don’t typically harp on ‘discipline’ with my kids, but this is one area where lack of discipline (meaning ‘adherence to a structure’ and ‘self-discipline’ rather than ‘punishment’) was lacking. Instead of sticking to scheduled time frames, I was allowing pleading and negotiation when there really shouldn’t be any. School work is not negotiable (unless it is – in which case, it is presented as such) and is not up for discussion. That’s not to say that I don’t take their wants and needs into consideration; anyone who works with kids knows that in general, they are comfort-led. They’d rather take the easy route and that’s usually not the same as hitting the books (minor note here about child-led learning; I prefer a more parent directed approach until the basics are covered and their foundation is strong, after which their education will be more interest and strength fine-tuned. YMMV {wink}). Having Dad here to see how things work (and don’t) was a big help; his level of understanding what my day is/can be like, while still not the same as being the primary teacher, is better after having been involved all day. His suggestions and discussion with the kids, as well, helped bring us back to an even keel.
Another facet of this multi-layered issue is me. I have/suffer from/deal with clinical depression issues, and though I wouldn’t normally describe myself as an anxious person, my current medication includes an anti-anxiety component that I am finding extremely helpful. I have been on and off of medication in the past and have known for some time that I needed to go back on them. I did last month and things have been improving. Adjusting to new medication is kind of like a box of chocolates; I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are few and manageable.
Just to clarify, this post isn’t just griping about homeschooling. My point in posting this is to dispel any notion of the ‘homeschoolers are perfect’ style stereotypes and to illustrate how we work through problems in our family. We’re launching into the beginning of our school year, so I wanted to present an open look at what homeschooling can be like on the inside.
Yesterday was our first day back, and we’ve made some adjustments for this year. We generally have an enjoyable routine, though there have been bumps (and will yet be more in the future), we are committed to homeschooling. Helping everyone in our family understand that, and what their roles are, is key to successfully navigating home life – and homeschooling.
Warmly,
~h
* for clarification purposes: calling Loverly Husband/Dad a ‘visitor’ is not meant to imply that he’s not an active part of our homeschooling. As a homeschooling mom, I require his support and participation – but his primary role in our family is provider; mine is child and household care – that’s just the division of labor. Though we both weigh in on the kids’ education, that also is primarily my responsibility to manage. Use of the term ‘visitor’ only implies that he is not normally physically present in day to day schooling with us.
Requesting that Which Enriches Life – NVC Week 6
Six chapters in – hooray!
If you’re following along or just joining us, we’re working through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s companion Workbook . We’re doing this as part of our homeschool curriculum and we welcome your thoughts and companionship on our journey.
We’ve been taking it slow; well technically, I’ve just been lax about posting out updates. We’re doing week 7 and have been for a couple of weeks – I’m just now getting around to posting about week 6. In any case, I haven’t forgotten about this project and am quite pleased with myself for following through with it (even if it is taking longer than originally planned).
In any case, week 6 is all about asking for what you need. In NVC, that means identifying what it is that you feel first and then being able to ask for it. As we’re going along, I am noticing a tendency among certain members fo our family to sound rather condescending when making requests. It’s very hard to have a sarcastic personality *and* sound sincere a lot of the time. This has always been a problem between Loverly Husband and myself; compliments that are utterly sincere sometimes have to have a ‘note of sincerity’ attached to them in order to be taken seriously. Adding NVC to this mix has been… interesting.
I’m also a pretty demanding person in general – as a friend, as a wife, as a mother – I expect certain things from my friends and family and I expect that those expectations will be met. I’m working on it and again, trying to work on not being a demanding shrew AND factoring in NVC without feeling like I am lowering my standards is difficult.
I will say that being in the same place with my kids as far as being new to and learning this method of communication; being able to say to them, “I am trying to use NVC and am having a hard time with expressing myself’ is a tremendous help. It’s almost like being able to call a time-out in the middle of a conversation. It helps them realize that I’m not perfect, that I am struggling just as much as they sometimes are. Saying something like that automatically puts us on the same, inexperienced team and reminds us all, in that moment, that we’re working towards the same goal. If we take nothing else away from this experiment, that one thing is worth its weight in gold.
That said, this week’s lesson and focus on asking for what you need has been interesting and somewhat easier than the previous couple of weeks. Asking for something first requires that you know what it is that you need to begin with. These concepts are building on one another and being more familiar with one concept makes the next one easier. Being able to identify what you’re feeling (week 4) and then taking responsibility for them (week 5) and now asking for something to meet the need all works hand-in-hand.
If you’re following along, some of the discussion questions from Chapter 6 are:
What constitutes ‘request’ in NVC? How can we test whether it is a request or a demand?
How do expressing requests via vague/abstract language vs. expressing feelings gain different results?
Why do we sometimes hear a demand when someone makes a request?
What is reflecting? How does reflecting help?
Practice:
How can we strengthen our consciousness of what we want back when we talk to others?
If you’re reading along with us, I’d love to hear from you!
Have a great weekend!
Warmly,
~h
(Disclaimer: This is not a certified or ‘official’ NVC anything. This is my personal journey through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s NVC Companion Workbook. I am NOT an expert, nor am I particularly skilled in this process. Please use/follow/apply with those things in mind. When in doubt, please disregard my commentary and refer to the book or workbook. I make no money off of this exercise, nor is any copyright infringement meant by posting a sampling of the questions from the workbook. For best results, I strongly recommend that you purchase the book and workbook for yourself and go through them in their entirety at your leisure.)
To Write, or Not to Write…
So, I have a dilemma, and I am hoping that someone(s) out there in the blogosphere can offer some ‘been there, done that’ and tell me that I have nothing to worry about so that I can rest my wee pretty head about this subject.
Let me explain… no; is take to long. Let me sum up… (sorry; I couldn’t resist!) Yeah. You get the long explanation with back-story. You know you wanted it. {wink}
When I was in school, I always loathed directions that said to ‘answer in complete sentences’, or to write anything out that could be answered more simply. English was my forte, and it was so boring to be stuck on that kind of thing for long periods of time.
Since we started homeschooling, partly with the thought of how much I hated writing text-book type stuff down just to show that I understood it, I’ve been letting the boys (ages 8 and 10) circle or underline or answer orally when we have grammar work – if you can show me what the noun or adverb or complete predicate is, or understand and can tell me how to merge two simple subjects into one compound subject, that’s the part I need you to know, right?
But now, I am starting to question that, not because I question whether they’re learning the material (they clearly are), but because I am wondering if all that writing is more for handwriting practice than to cement the concept. By no stretch of the imagination do my boys have what could be termed ‘neat’ penmanship. It’s improving, yes – notebooking is helping with legibility (we’re notebooking-lite; journaling for nearly every subject now), as is daily penmanship practice – but when they have to write things, it’s often with ‘stop. look. erase and write again’ reminders and they’re easily frustrated and they end up hating it. I’m not adverse to making them do things they hate, but I think that there has to be a better way to go about this.
To clarify a bit further, my forte is English. I love to write. Getting my thoughts down on paper or on-screen makes me happy. My boys’ forte is math – they’re ALL about the maths. Part of their joy in math is the nature of the lessons – we’re doing Everyday Math 4 and Saxon 3, plus supplemental materials, and there are tons of opportunities for manipulatives and math journaling. LBB is ADHD/SPD and PeaGreen is used to the more dynamic way that we do lessons and I’m fine with that – I think because I am so bad at math, I actually prefer that they’re stronger in math – but I am wondering if their lack of spelling skills and neat handwriting is more than ‘just’ being boys who aren’t interested in writing.
To be fair, they do their own share of writing on their own. They both have personal journals, notebooks and art journals that they write in, and I am seeing more of that now than I have been – so I don’t want to squash their natural interest in putting their thoughts on paper. I’ve been thinking that (and my Loverly Husband has offered is reassurances as well) that the writing will come with time and maturity and better hand control, etc. - but I also don’t want to just ‘hope’ that they’ll get better. I keep thinking that Charlotte Mason said that around age 10 was when written narrations ‘should’ start and wondering if a more structured writing program towards middle school is ‘okay’.
That sounds silly – asking the internet if it’s ‘okay’ to wait; I appreciate the absurdity of the situation, but I am curious about how others handled reluctant writers. So how ’bout it? What about y’all out there – anyone have late writers? How did that work/turn out? What do you think of waiting vs. a more structured writing program at this age?
Hoping for some thoughtful replies and wishing you a lovely (and warm!) evening,
Warmly,
~h
Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings – NVC Week 5
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve updated this section, but we’re still plugging along. I have said it before, and it still holds true; learning this stuff (though totally worth it) is hard if it hasn’t been your normal pattern of communication. I do have one slight mama-brag for today though; today wasn’t one of our greatest, but we made it through and are enjoying a relatively peaceful evening.
At one point, PeaGreen was struggling to find the right way to phrase something and finally said that he was trying to say it in NVC and couldn’t – so I at least know that they’re thinking about it even when we’re not sitting there with the book open! That makes me happy, and it’s this kind of slow, but steady progress that keeps me thinking that this is working; that studying and practicing NVC is worth spending our time on.
If you’re following along or just joining us, we’re working through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s companion Workbook . We’re doing this as part of our homeschool curriculum and we welcome your thoughts and companionship on our journey.
I’ll be honest; I am not happy with this weeks’ lesson. I say ‘week’; I mean ‘few weeks’ – a month, nearly. We’ve taken a while to go through this chapter. That’s a lot of self-awareness to handle at one time – a lot of thinking and really connecting with the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of your emotions and responses. When that’s not your normal thought-process, it’s really difficult and time-consuming. One can assume that this gets easier with time and practice, but WOW to the first few months of really understanding and attempting to put into practice this type of self-aware communication.
To their credit, the kids seem to catch on faster than I do. Our phrase of the week is, “I feel…. because I need….” That sounds simple, right? But it’s not. Being able to out your own needs into works – even identifying them sometimes is challenging. We’re moving on to the next chapter, but I can confidently and unabashedly say that we have not mastered this concept. I do think that this is part of the process, and that with practice will come mastery (or at least competency). We’ve been stuck on a concept before, so I am sure this will work into the framework of the whole as we go along (and of course, we’re a long way from speaking Giraffe fluently).
Like I said above, I am seeing progress, but it is slow going. Right when I start thinking that this is not working, a situation will arise or a child will say something where I can clearly see the wheels of NVC turning. Oh, they still bicker, and I still get irritated and frustrated with them; that’s normal, I think. But overall, I think that communication is improving. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
I did appreciate the section on page 54 of the book where the lists the needs we all share; autonomy, integrity, celebration, interdependence, spiritual communion, physical nurturance & play. Having the list is helpful when I don’t know exactly which need of mine is not being met; having an example of the language to use is immensely helpful to me.
The summary states:
What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of, our feelings. When someone communicates negatively, we have four options as to how we receive the message: (1) blame ourselves, (2) blame others, (2) sense our own feelings and needs, (4) sense the feelings and needs hidden in the other person’s negative message.
I’m still not exactly clear on what, or if there even is, a ‘right’ option would be. It seems that differing responses would be appropriate in different situations, and/or a combination of responses. In any case, we’re working on it.
If you’re following along, some of the discussion questions from Chapter 5 in the workbook are:
What ’causes’ a particular feeling in us?
What are four options for hearing a difficult message?
How might we speak in ways that acknowledge responsibility for our feelings?
Guilt-tripping – discuss.
How do we often communicate instead of asking for what want? Response?
Explain the difference between ‘taking responsibility’ for someone else’s feelings and ‘caring compassionately’ about them.
We’ve already begun chapter 6, so keep an eye out for that in the next week or so. Hope your week is off to a good start!
Warmly,
~h
(Disclaimer: This is not a certified or ‘official’ NVC anything. This is my personal journey through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s NVC Companion Workbook. I am NOT an expert, nor am I particularly skilled in this process. Please use/follow/apply with those things in mind. When in doubt, please disregard my commentary and refer to the book or workbook. I make no money off of this exercise, nor is any copyright infringement meant by posting a sampling of the questions from the workbook. For best results, I strongly recommend that you purchase the book and workbook for yourself and go through them in their entirety at your leisure.)
Just DO it.
If you’re unfamiliar with our schedule this year, we have school for four weeks, then take a week-long break, all year long (with a couple extra weeks in December, between the end of one school year and the beginning of the next, which is on Jan 1).
This week, thank all that is sacred in that which was, is and ever shall be, is our off week. We had kind of a wonky schedule over the summer, with a lighter workload and more days off than I’d originally planned. As is wont to happen, I started feeling like things were sliding, so in a fabulous (but misguided) flurry of organization and determination, I announced that we would henceforth be putting our noses to the grindstone and get back on track. Somehow, in my blaze of glory, I decided that the best way to accomplish this was to skip the last break, which put us at 6 weeks straight of school.
Oh, silly young Padawan… there is still much to learn.
The funny thing is, I already knew that this was a mistake. Our schedule last year was 6 weeks on, one off. We only had school 4 days a week, but I realized towards the end of the year that 6 weeks was too long. We all get burned out, and consistently, by the end of week 6, I was seriously struggling to get schoolwork organized and the kids were lollygagging about, doing any and everything but schoolwork. After 5 weeks, max, we all needed a break! This just goes to remind me that, even as a somewhat more experienced homeschooling mom (now that I’m almost through our 2nd year), that lingering ‘school’ mentality still exists.
So, in an effort to maybe have these things sink in (AGAIN), I give you my list of reminders why homeschooling is awesome:
- City ISD school year calendar and State Education Association list of skills by grade: these are not the schedules you’re looking for.
- There WILL BE gaps in their education. No matter where they go to school, or in what style they’re educated, or how many days and weeks they spend learning, there is always MORE to know. No two ideals of what is ‘core knowledge’ will match up, so stop trying to please everyone else! Teach them how to learn, and to love learning that they will be
FINEAMAZING. - For the love of Pete, stop trying to ‘catch up’. Education is a marathon, not a race. They’re going to be ahead in some things and behind in others. That’s okay… they’ll get there when they need to.
- Remember the fun stuff! Education is not just about book learnin’. There are arts and crafts and gluing macaroni and cotton balls to construction paper. It’s creating seed mosaics and painting with food dyes, exploring the world, doing it themselves, and learning at the knee of a seasoned professional with knowledge to share. Revel in the fact that you have freedom from the established norm – the amazing opportunity – to collect these types of learning experiences for your children. Be willing to go out and MAKE them happen for them!
- Breaks are essential to balance. Being parent and teacher is an extremely stressful job. It’s easy – too easy sometimes – to get caught up in the constant pressure and demand for educational excellence that homeschooling parents deal with. It comes from within and from outside – but it cannot rule your relationship with your kids. Take breaks often and enjoy them fully. Laze about and relax!
~h
Identifying and Expressing Feelings – NVC Week 4
If you’re following along or just joining us, we’re working through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s companion Workbook . We’re doing this as part of our homeschool curriculum and we welcome your thoughts and companionship on our journey.
It surprises me sometimes how the things that pop on Facebook are relevant to what’s going on in my life. I mean, not really, because it used to happen all the time when I was religious-y, and I would attribute it to a ‘blessing’ or divine direction or whatever. These days, I’m more inclined to believe that this happens because our brains are hard-wired to find patterns in our lives, and when we have something on our minds unconsciously (and especially when it’s consciously part of our thinking), we’re more apt to notice these little ‘coincidences’, but that doesn’t lessen my amazement and delighted surprise when they occur.
In any case, this week’s NVC chapter is on identifying and expressing emotions, and on my wall this morning was an article posted by Spin-Doctor Parenting, You Don’t Really Feel That Way, Part I. It was talking about how we parents often, without realizing it, teach our children to distrust their feelings or relegate them to the backseat. And then we wonder why we have such a hard time communicating how we feel about something…
I think I’ve mentioned it before, but I like communication help sites that offer a script. I generally get the concept, but lack the vocabulary, or recall to make up my own words in tense situations. Having a script helps get the words I want to use at the ready – at least until I’ve internalized it enough to have the language I want to use at the ready. Books like ‘How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk‘ by Faber & Mazlish is great – there’s even a school version. With tools like these on hand, it’s easy to keep your cool all the time and remember to ‘use your words’, right? RIGHT?!?
No, of course not. But it does help. Immensely, especially when your own connection to your feelings is masked by years of being told that the only appropriate outward display of emotion is calm – or at least a reasonable facsimile of calm (which has the unintended side effect of molding a really good actor).
It’s not just being in touch with negative emotions that is important. Masking or limiting emotional intelligence also has a negative effect on being able to process positive emotions as well. I find it both interesting and odd that I am less embarrassed by allowing negative emotions to show, and more embarrassed by allowing positive emotions to show. Last night I had dinner and discussion with some very good friends and some new people in my life. I was in a very, very good mood and a little dizzy with it. I chattered quite a bit and may have laughed too loud once or twice. I am unused to letting my emotions have any kind of starring role in my actions, and so anytime I get carried away, I end up extremely embarrassed by something I said or did. Keep in mind that intellectually, I know that I didn’t say or do anything untoward or inappropriate in any way. I was just happy and excited and a little nervous. But I lack the emotional management tools to properly assess those feelings and assign them to their proper place. I felt ‘out of control’ and that’s unpleasant for me. Nonetheless, this is progress for me – even being able to identify and express what’s ‘really’ going on in my own head.
A sampling of Chapter 4′s review/discussion questions:
According to Rosenberg, why do people in certain professions have more trouble than the rest of us in identifying and expressing feelings?
What problems might a woman encounter in ‘expressing her feelings’ by saying to her husband, “I feel like I’m living with a wall’?
What are the advantages of expressing our feelings?
What is the advantage over identifying specific emotions rather than general ones (I feel good/bad.)
And a few of the workbook’s exercises:
How do you know what you are feeling at any given moment? Where do you go to look?
Under the subheading ‘Feelings vs. Non-Feelings”, there are examples of words that tend to describe:
- what we think we are (I feel inadequate)
- how we think others are evaluating us (I feel unimportant)
- how we think others are behaving towards or around us (I feel misunderstood/I feel ignored)
What other words would fall into this category?How do you feel in the presence of someone who does not express their feelings?Start your own personal inventory of feelings (exercise).
Now that we’ve been working on this for a month, I am really starting to see small changes in all of us that I think will accumulate as we continue. It’s definitely easier for my kids to grasp some of these concepts than it is for me; we read over and discuss the review questions at the end of each chapter the day we read over the chapter, and then again at the end of the week and try to think of specific instances where we each put the chapter’s topic into practice – in this case, where we expressed an evaluation with ‘I feel’ rather than a true emotion, and where we have used words to describe actual emotions. They’re usually in agreement with the author more often than I am, and/or are faster to respond – I still have to think about it much of the time. The changes are getting easier, more visible in daily interactions – small and just hints of them much of the time but they’re there.
Warmly,
~h
(Disclaimer: This is not a certified or ‘official’ NVC anything. This is my personal journey through Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, and Lucy Leu’s NVC Companion Workbook. I am NOT an expert, nor am I particularly skilled in this process. Please use/follow/apply with those things in mind. When in doubt, please disregard my commentary and refer to the book or workbook. I make no money off of this exercise, nor is any copyright infringement meant by posting a sampling of the questions from the workbook. For best results, I strongly recommend that you purchase the book and workbook for yourself and go through them in their entirety at your leisure.)
Meditation with Kids – Mind Jar
A while back, I decided to start working in some meditation time to our day. Immediately after making that decision, I forgot about it. Well, that’s not entirely true; we’ve done a couple of meditation times as a group, but not as much as I’d planned on incorporating.
Over the last month or so that I’ve been Pinteresting things, I’ve been seeing the ‘mind jar‘ pop up over and over again. The uses are myriad; everything from an alternative to time out for littles to an actual meditation tool for kids who don’t know how to zone out. I thought that was a great idea, and wanted to make some with the kids as actual meditation tools, and for taking personal time outs when things get stressful.
Since we’ve been workboxing school, I have more awareness of the fun things that have been getting left out because we’re so focused on trying to get the ‘real’ work done. I know I said it in yesterday’s workbox update post, but that is one of the advantages of workboxing – being able to see patterns and gaps in our week. I’m using a worksheet that I originally made when I first read about workboxing. I’ve updated it now ,here’s a blank version of mine if you’re in the market for one. Planning out the week’s plans and having a weeks’ worth of actual assignments as opposed to a general idea of what we’ll be doing is an improvement, I think.
I’ve been able to add in things that we haven’t had time for, which is awesome and ever so much more fun for them; more craft projects, more games, more time to do something one-on-one with Mom. When we first started homeschooling, I bought this book of file folder games. I made up several of them, and we used one or two, but since then, they’ve been sitting on the shelf next to our completed lapbooks. Now that I have to fill a time slot, it’s been easier to throw those in there for a supplemental math or language arts lesson and to make sure it gets done instead of skipping it because we’ve already been working on school for however long.
That’s one area for the kids that I see a benefit in. They’re expecting to have to do ALL of the boxes (however many are assigned for the day). They haven’t questioned any part of how many boxes there are as of yet. If they have 12 boxes, then they’re expecting to do them all. This was one aspect of workboxing that I liked – that they didn’t need to ask me what else they still had to do; they can see it. That aspect will be worth something to keep however we tweak the system in the coming weeks.
Back to the mind jars though…
The recipe I found originally called for glue, water and glitter. Others mentioned glycerine and a similar project that I did with my kids called for baby oil. I didn’t have any of that on hand, but what I did have was a huge bottle of styling gel that I bought eons ago and will never, ever, ever use. It’s water soluble (science lesson sneak-in there – more on that in a minute), so it worked out just fine.
We did end up adding a few drops of food coloring to the jars to make the colors pop a bit more, and it did take a little mixing-magic to get the consistency just right. The idea is to have the jar clear in about 5 minutes. The kids jars take about 5-8 minutes to get calm again (depending on how ‘clear’ you want them).
After messing with theirs so much, I decided that I needed one, too. Unfortunately we were almost out of gel by that point, so I started experimenting with other substances. I had about half a jar of hair serum (to tame frizziness) left from a long time ago so I tried that. The only problem with that was the new product was oil-based. Let’s just say that a lesson on water solubility was enjoyed by all. With glitter. In any case, I found another bottle of water-based gel in the bottom of a drawer and made a pink one with white pixie dust in it for myself. The solution is a bit thicker in my jar and the glitter is a bit lighter; it takes about 10 minutes to clear.
I do have to say that it is totally mesmerizing to watch the glitter sparkle and fall! On a scale of 1-10, I rate this an 8 for make-ability, a 5 for mess-making (with a 3 for mess-making potential – spill one of those containers of glitter and you’ll see what I mean) and a 10 for fun/usability. Add some gorilla glue under the cap to make the jars resistant/less prone to unsupervised additions and this is nearly the perfect craft.
Hope your weekend is fantastic!
Warmly,
~h
Giving From the Heart – NVC Week 1
So, like I mentioned before, we’re adding NVC to our list of ‘required’ subjects. This is a 13-week course, and ideally, I’ll be posting once a week with an update. For the previous NVC post, check here. (Yikes – talk about putting it off – the first post was back in November of last year. {hangs head in guilt and shame})
Moving on, here are my thoughts on Chapter One. Let’s start with a few questions from this week’s chapter:
What is the purpose of NVC (as it applies to me)?
What is meant by ‘NVC is more than a process or a language’?
What are some areas or ways that MVC can be used in (my) life and community?
What draws me to NVC? What is it that I deeply wish for my life and my world?
I’ll get to the questions in a sec, but first I wanted to talk about the ‘connecting to how I feel in this moment’ exercises. Over the last few months, I’ve really been trying to take better care of myself mentally and emotionally. Every day, I take a few minutes to meditate and stretch and just ‘be’. I think that this type of centering time has helped me be more calm and bale to respond more effectively to the kids. I also am enjoying the time to myself – even if it’s only a few minutes.
I will say that working on the suggested childhood back-tracking and being honest and connected to how I feel about things is difficult and sometimes painful. This is not an experience or lesson that I particularly enjoyed… and then saying that makes it sound like I had a harsh or bad childhood. Not so, but I guess the exercise is designed to look at the roots of whatever communication malfunctions one has now by focusing on the negatives from the past. Without justifying, I can honestly say that there are definitely patters that were laid that need to change. I’ve always known that I wanted to do things differently than my parents did, and that caused some disharmony in my family when the kids were younger. Now that they’re older, we still do things very differently, but I can see where improvements need to be made – I find myself in the uncomfortable position of knowing what I don’t want to do, but lacking the know-how to achieve what I do want.
My main interest and goal in learning and applying NVC is multi-purpose: both to improve my own connection and motivation for how and why I communicate, and to set a good example/improve the communication and compassion with my husband and my kids. I also feel that my kids are approaching the age where they need to be learning how and why the ‘right course’ of action is so, and to choose it willingly because it is right. Parents can only enforce the rules for so long; at some point the kids have to start making those kinds of decisions for themselves. I really want to focus on that part of it – getting them in touch with obligation, responsibility and actions. I do think that people, children in particular, are born with the desire to help. So learning how to approach requests with the aim of helping someone appeals to me.
I see a lot of areas for improvement; I feel like I am not communicating effectively or compassionately sometimes, and it bothers me. I also see how my family communicates (or doesn’t, as the case may be) and that is not a cycle I wish to perpetuate with my own kids (any longer). I think that learning new techniques now will be beneficial – and easier for my children to learn and implement now, while the foundations of communication are still being forged, than to have to attempt changing them as adults as I am trying to do.
I’m not an expert, and I may not fully understand right now, but I think that NVC as a process is about connecting with your own motivations and needs and learning how to effectively communicate them with requests for actions that allow them to be met. I use sarcasm as a defense and an attack. I also use it in good clean fun, but I hide behind it as well. I’m teaching my kids through example, intentionally or not, and though I enjoy a dry wit and cutting remark just as much as the next guy, I don’t want that to be their primary form of communication.
At the same time, I don’t want to be or feel or seem all loopy and open and hippie-dippy the way that I perceive many NVC-type people to be. I am fully aware that this is a perception, not necessarily reality – I remember pre-children, how naive and ill-informed I was about so many things – and how my perceptions were colored before I had kids of my own; I can imagine that this is a similar situation and perception. It will be interesting to come back in a few months and read this and see if my perception has changed. I did want to document it though, as an experiment of sorts.
There are a lot of examples in the book of what a person says – the words that they use. I’ve made a list of some of the ones I like or
think I might use to help myself remember them. I wasn’t raised with this type of language (refered to as ‘giraffe’) so using it does not come naturally to me. It’s effort. My instinctual response – and usually the wrong response – is much more emotionally seated and dramatic. Keeping calm is helpful, remembering in the heat of the moment to remain calm is virtually impossible somewhat difficult.
I re-created this poster in MSWord and printed out a page to hang at my desk and at both of the kids’ desks. Little reminders do help! It might seem silly to have behavior reminders (for Mom) up throughout the house, but I need them just as much as the kids do, and I’ll take all the help I can get!
Resources for new-to-NVC:
- NVC Academy - not a free site, but they do have some free tools and ideas of what to do or make if you prefer to make your own.
- NVC Key Ingredients - if you’re interested in NVC and don’t have the book, this is a basic outline of the process. Helpful for a reference if you print it out.
Underwater Basketweaving
I read that in a post by Pioneer Woman a while back as the name for a subject that the overly ambitious homeschooling mom might engage her kids in. Imagine my shock and surprise when I learned that UB actually exists, along with a host of other seemingly odd courses: Philosophy via The Simpsons, Science via Harry Potter (we may actually use that one), and cultural studies by way of a Zombie Apocalypse… pretty snifty if you ask me – the other stuff that is, not necessarily the UB part (though I kinda wonder now if the pressure of the water helps keep the strips from being so fly-away when you’re weaving and am oddly tempted to try this in the pool now…) Anyway, PW’s post inspired me to examine my own motives and methods and I thought I would share.
Motive
My motives are multi-faceted. I think that most homeschooling parents can say that, but it seems that many? most? have a primary reason for homeschooling. I always get confused when talking about the ‘primary’ reason… we have the catalyst – what happened, what immediate need that was not being met that was the push I needed to make the decision to venture into homeschooling; but the reasons that we homeschool are much more broad than ‘a’ reason.
For one thing, I see homeschooling as an extension of our parenting style. Though we don’t follow every tenet of attachment parenting, that’s definitely the way we lean and I feel that this approach is responsible for the relationship that we have with our kids. As for educational goals, we want to have children who know how to find the information they need when they need it. To start with, we want them to have a solid foundation in math, science, history, language arts and a developed artistic voice. That means that at this age, we’re less delight-led and more eclectic with classical/CM leanings. As they get older, and master the basics, we’ll branch out more into their individual paths of study. We’re cultivating and fostering those interests now, but are more concerned with building a solid foundation right now. We also want to cultivate in them the desire to continue learning, even when there’s no paper due or grade attached to a project.
Obviously, homeschooling is not the only way to accomplish those things, but for our kids, we believe that homeschooling is the best way. Homeschooling allows me, as the primary teacher, to tailor my kids’ lessons to their individual needs; learning style, interests, abilities. It allows them to stay on one concept long enough to master it rather than ‘having’ to move on because we have to cover X number of pages/concepts this year.
Homeschooling also allows me the benefit of setting a schedule that works within the context of our family. We’re night owls and prefer to sleep later in the mornings. We can also incorporate community activities and area events that we’d normally be too tired for if we had to deal with school-school, and field trips on a whim. I’m sure there are additional benefits, but those are the ones that stand out as most important as write this.
Method
Though we look at education as a mutual responsibility, it works best for our family to have me in the role of primary educator. I’ve always been the primary caretaker, so this is again a natural extension of that role. It’s more traditional, and one of the few aspects of our lives that does fall into a more traditional/stereotypical ideal.
As a teacher, my methods are myriad. I am continuously looking for and learning about new ways to teach and new things that I think might inspire my kids. When I read about something I like, chances are that in the following weeks we’ll experiment with some form of that idea. If it works out, it might become a staple. If not, then I scrap it and try something new. This approach might not work for everyone, but it suits us quite well. It means that we’re not bogged down in any one thing or way for too long, but it also means that we’re not terribly consistent with any one style. We probably don’t garner the full benefit of Charlotte Mason style homeschooling, for example, but we incorporate plenty of her techniques into our homeschool and that works well for us. Besides, I honestly don’t think that any one method would suit us well enough to stick with long-term anyway.
One of the more inspiring things I’ve come across in recent months was a video by Escapist Magazine called Gamefying Education. We’re gamers, so naturally this caught my attention. It also made some darn good points about simple ideas that can change the way kids react and interact with education – things that even teachers in the classroom can implement. Since we’re not trapped by the a school administration’s policies and procedures, you’d think that such ideas come naturally, and to an extent they do, but having it all spelled out in this way (and in relation to gaming) was very illuminating.
The three areas of change that the video talks about are scoring, autonomy and motivation to continue learning once the lesson is over. One of the thoughts that struck me most in scoring was the notion that people go into a graded task with the thought that they have 100 points and that every mistake chips away at that. However, in gaming, you always start at zero and accumulate experience points as you go. You still can end up with the same number of points (though who wouldn’t choose a max of 100XP over a max of 10XP??), you just count up instead of down. Simple, but revolutionary.
The other two points, autonomy (freedom to choose their own direction) and motivation to continue learning, are less of a novel concept out of the classroom. I think that most homeschooling families tend to do so with and eye towards nurturing their kids’ interests and facilitating opportunities for their kids to expand them. But I really like the idea of learning as a game. The large-scale project that was mentioned in the video is beyond me at this point, but I am going to continue thinking about it and bugging my fellow homeschoolers out there (You. Yeah, YOU. *nudge, nudge*) and see what we come up with.
I did find Integer Jim’s math game, ‘Quest for the Golden Calculator‘ and am trying to convince my homeschool group that we should do this as a group activity, but so far they seem pretty unenthusiastic about the idea. I also found this website with game resources – in particular is a Jeopardy style game-creator that’s pretty awesome. That’s not exactly the large-scale game that the video was talking about, but it’s a pretty good start, I think. In any case, I look forward to brainstorming more on the game idea and hearing what you guys come up with, too.
Warmly,
~h
Ten Habits of Happy Homeschooling Moms
Mothering Magazine recently mentioned ”The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity,” by Meg Meeker, MD on their Facebook page. I haven’t read it, but it got me thinking about the things I did as a new mom and the things I’ve learned as a more experienced mom.
I’ve been a reader of Mothering since 1998ish – I was a nanny, and the mom’s sister sent a gift subscription to the mom one year for Christmas. She was a more mainstream type, but I fell in love and have been a fan ever since. The first issue I read was about cow’s milk and another one was on toys made with PVC plastics, I think. Reading about their recent changes makes me so sad that Mothering will no longer be a resource for new moms – at least not in the magazine form. I understand the need for the changes; I just hate that we’ll lose this wonderful asset.
Motheirng was such a validating resource for me when my kids were small. I could (and still can) pick up any issue and read about families who do things like we do, or read articles about things that are important to me. I learned a lot about things I probably wouldn’t have heard about otherwise and many of my preconceived notions on things like healthcare (Western medicine vs. naturalistic/homeopathic remedies), discipline, communication and more have been challenged by reading what Peggy O’Mara and her staff have written. How unfortunate that those topics will no longer be addressed on mainstream magazine racks. Print media is so non-confrontational; you have to look for things online but a magazine might turn up in a doctor’s office or something and plant an idea or piqué your interest about a topic you might not have thought about before.
In any case, I’m a fan of ‘top ten’ lists, so I thought I would make my own top ten list of habits that make for Happy Homeschooling Moms. Your mileage may vary, so feel free to comment with your own additions or a link to your blog with your own list. I’m especially curious how homeschooling dads might write this list.
10. HHM’s have let go of the notion of Getting it RightTM . If there’s one thing I know for certain, it is that there is no one right way to homeschool. The variations on normal are myriad and ever-changing. Even within one family, what works for one child may not for the others. Embracing the diversity within your family (and the homeschooling community at large) and making alterations that fit your own family’s style are essential to homeschooling harmony.
9. HHM’s don’t compare. Whether its one child with another within your own family, your family to another homeschooling family, or your kids to kids in public school – happiness is wholeheartedly appreciating your own unique strengths when it comes to homeschooling style and accomplishments. Contrary to popular belief, there is no Queen of Homeschooling (though if there were, I would certainly be She {wink and nod to those who get this}). Every style of homeschooling has strengths and weaknesses and every homeschooling mom’s personality and personal style will flavor her efforts with tweaks and kinks that may intrigue or irritate onlookers. Draw inspiration from things you like and ignore things that don’t blow your skirt up.
8. HHM’s take time to appreciate the beauty of where they are right now. It doesn’t matter how old your kids are, there is always a very interesting and totally awesome project on the horizon… if only they were a little bit older/knew their times tables/had a physics degree. The temptation to push gently nudge and encourage those little fingers to move faster or that energetic body to sit still for five more minutes is profound. In most families, if the kids turn out badly, then the schools can blame the parents and the parents can blame the schools – when you’re homeschooling, it’s ALL on your shoulders. The pressure to turn out prodigies is lessening as homeschooling gains popularity among the normal population, but it’s still there. Sane homeschooling parents know that each place on this academic journey has lovely sights to see and aren’t afraid to bookmark the cool stuff while focusing on the here and now.
7. HHM’s have a safe and supportive place to vent. Homeschooling is hard. It’s stressful and there are days when you really want to (say that you want to) throw in the towel. Having a safe place to say that, out loud (or type it in bold caps) and know that not once will you hear a comment to the effect of “well, why don’t you just put them in public school?!” is genuinely priceless. Whether that’s your mom, your BFF or an online forum, having a place that you can say things you don’t really mean and get commiseration rather than condemnation is something that every homeschooling parent should have at his or her fingertips.
6. HHM’s pace themselves. You have PLENTY of time to educate your child ‘properly’. If a homeschooled child can accomplish 8 hours worth of daily work in half the time, then you could complete a full 12 years worth of education inside of 6 years. While I’m not necessarily advocating that, I’m just sayin’… you’ve got time. Without having to deal with the needs of 20+ children, line up and change classes, the amount of time you’re spending each day on lessons is usually significantly less than your child’s institutionally educated brethren. With all that extra time on your hands you can take a walk or do an awesome art project with the kids, or you can send them outside to play and curl up with a cup of coffee while reading your favorite trashy romance novel instead (with a nod in J.R. Ward‘s general direction).
5. HHM’s foster a daily personal connect with each child, individually. One of the absolute best things about homeschooling is the sheer amount of face time that you get, one on one, with your kids. Not just academically, though seeing them grasp new concepts and watching their creativity bloom is fulfilling, but being a constant presence in their lives and seeing them grow into the people they will become is incredible.
4. HHM’s get out of the house! Just because it’s called ‘home’ schooling doesn’t mean that you should ever be stuck at home. When you’re homeschooling, school is portable. That means that if you have to go out, or if you want to go out, you absolutely can. Whether to the yard or to the park (city, state or national), getting out-of-doors and into the sun can play a big role in reviving your spirit. A change of scenery and fresh air can pull you out of a slump, get you out a funk or make a static lesson lively and enthralling.
3. HHM’s take the time to plan for lessons or activities and set up in advance. Dedicating a portion of your personal down time to planning and preparing for activities or lessons isn’t the most fun thing for a weary mom to do, but it’s a sacrifice that pays off in the long run. There’s nothing more frustrating or time-consuming than having to stop in the middle of a groove to find a key component to what project you’re doing and good planning can make for smooth days, which is always a plus in the happiness column.
2. HHM’s take regular breaks away from the kids. Homeschooling is a 24/7 gig. Even when you’re not actively schooling, homeschooling means that in the back of your mind, there’s a chick in librarian’s glasses sitting at a desk with a clipboard calculating the educational value of any given activity. To get her to shut up, the children must either be asleep or away from you. Regular breaks to refill your Cup O’ Patience is essential – and you’re not allowed to feel guilty about it either. Unlike a ‘real’ job, work can never be left at home (unless you go out, without them), so taking breaks is vital to maintaining balance on the Tilt-A-Whirl that is the life of a homeschooling super-parent.
1. HHM’s remember that this is supposed to be fun! Homeschooling is one of those areas where mom’s attitude really can set the tone. Keeping all the above in check goes a long way towards keeping you on an even keel, but the heart of the matter is always going to be in your hands. If you’re not having fun, or your kids are not having fun, then it’s time to have a look-see and make some tweaks. Even if that means taking a week (or a month, or a year) off to re-group, see point number 6 and then DO IT.
So, that’s my list. What would go on yours?
Warmly,
~h
Week 4 Wrap-up
So… you know all that stuff I said in my last post about ‘getting back to normal’? Yeah - you can just disregard that. We’ve been slacking for the last half of this week, though truthfully, it was a much-needed break – not because of our school schedule but because of life in general.
I was looking back at our plans for this year and I have to say that I am pretty happy with what we’ve accomplished so far this year. We’ve been working on several things cooperatively (like history and geography and literature) and the interconnectedness of such lessons makes them so much more interesting. I’d love to add art to that and plan to do so in the coming weeks. I still haven’t gotten the Artistic Pursuits book yet – also on my bossy book’s to-do list (‘bossy book’ is what SFK calls her lesson planner/appointment book – that’s a spiffy little nickname and oh-so-fitting, therefore I am adopting it with kudos to such a clever friend.)
One of our main goals for this year was to have the boys working more independently. That’s going reasonably well. We’ve been using their STARS book to keep them on-task and though we’re not yet using it to its full potential, we’re on the right track. I still haven’t gotten the file folder organizers to start our modified work-box system, but that’s also in the plans. We’ve been planning on doing some major re-modeling/decorating this spring, though how much of that we’ll get to do is in question in light of my FIL’s death and associated expenses, so some of my plans have had to be put on hold regarding school/curriculum purchases. We’ll still get there, it’ll just take a little longer.
Overall, I’m just pleased as punch about where we are right now. We’re actually off next week; the first of our scheduled breaks, and I have yet to decide if we’re going to really ‘break’ or if we’re going to keep schooling since we’ve more or less had a nice break accumulated over the last 2 weeks. I suspect it will be more of a ‘wait and see’ – we always end up with some type of school-related stuff regardless of what the bossy book says for the week.
This week has been a mix of nose-to-the-grindstone productivity and sheer laziness (or maybe mental exhaustion?). Monday and Tuesday were pretty much business as usual though with an admittedly lighter version of our normal workload. Wednesday, we had a treat – our local JASON Alliance had their yearly presentation at Lamar University. We’re pretty new to JASON, but very interested in it. I’ve looked it up several times but since it’s targeted towards older kids, I haven’t had it as a ‘for now’ in my head. This week’s presentation helped me see what it was all about. We’re fortunate to have a pretty active local alliance and several teachers who run Argonaut groups, so hopefully as the boys get older this will be something they can take part in more fully.
I do have to have a mama brag moment though – the JASON program targets kids in 4th grade and up, but my 7-year-old has engineer aspirations, so I thought that even if he didn’t ‘get’ it all, he might still find it interesting. I shouldn’t have doubted – not only was he interested, but he answered questions and grasped much more of the material than I’d thought he would. Now, whether this has anything to do with ’homeschooling’ or not, I can’t say – he may have gotten interested in all this on his own (and in fact, I suspect that he would). The ‘benefit of homeschooling’ comes in because he would not have been ‘allowed’ to participate had he been in public school – not for 2 more years. In that time, his interest in the subject may have waned or been pushed aside in favor or more accessible subject matter. Homeschooling allows me to find projects and resources that deal with things he’s interested in and cultivate his interest in a way that the public school system does not.
I think it would be so very beneficial to kids (and our future civilization) if the public educational system could be modified in such a way as to allow the children access to the subjects that they are curious about or interested in at younger ages and with an eye towards cultivating their interest and direction into future careers. It seems to me that allowing them the freedom to choose the direction of their education and having access to skilled mentors who will help direct their path would create an environment designed to help students succeed, not just academically but in life, and with fewer of the issues we see rampant today. We have that (to a small degree) in the higher-up grades, but there is nothing like that in elementary school, which is when their imagination and dreams for the future makes up such a big part of who they are – before their interest and academic self-esteem is crushed under the weight of not being able to adapt to the classroom setting or failing test scores sending the message that they’re not as smart as they thought they were.
Being back in a group classroom setting also made me see how much more beneficial having LBB out of that environment has been. Much as I might wish it differently, he just does not function well in that milieu. It’s too confining, too distracting, too static – he needs a dynamic lesson with room to move and lots of face time with the instructor. Seeing that in action again was both reassuring and reinforced my thought that kids aren’t cookie dough. Using cookie-cutter educational models is antiquated and unrealistic, not to mention the awkward position it puts kids in when they’re expected to do something that they simply cannot – not because of academic limitations, but because of physical ones – and how that impacts them when there is no one there to advocate for them.
Yes, the basics need to be addressed, but if a child has and interest in science and needs to know the periodic table because of something he’s working on, don’t you think that he’ll learn it because it pertains to something he needs? I love that idea and am working on allowing myself to trust that same principle will hold true with writing, and math and spelling. Homeschooling is definitely an adjustment process – as much for the parent/teacher as it is for the kids; one that is constantly evolving.
After Wednesday’s super science extravaganza, we’d planned on getting some basic schoolwork in yesterday, but mom slept in due to a late night gab session with her soon-to-be-relocated BFF and a bottle of wine. Each … which necessitated a White Knight rescue in the form of a drive home and a much appreciated minimum of mockery by BFF’s loverly husband of Strait Laced Scarlet fame. Not my proudest moment, but considering that this momma has ‘had’ to be driven home after over-imbibing exactly once in her life, I guess that’s not the end of the world. Considering the recent stress in my life and my BFF’s; it is clear that she and I were both due for some R & R. After a leisurely non-schooly Thursday morning, we packed up and went to SFK’s house for some art-journal/crafting goodness. The kids played inside and out, baked and watched movies… it was a lovely day well spent in good company.
Today is a lazy day as well, because who wants to pick up with a full work-load on a Friday?!? Now I’m off to make old-fashioned, on the stovetop popcorn and read a Johanna Lindsey novel clean the kitchen. Oh, if only we had a maid…
Warmly,
~h
Year 2, Day 1 is Complete
Instead of editing the last post to contain an update of today’s events, I decided to go ahead and post again. We started off the day a little later and a little slower than I’d planned, but overall, we had a very promising and gentle first day back. I ended up waking the boys up at about 9, and we made apple scones for breakfast. After we ate, we brought our coffee into the school room to check out their new stuff.
I stacked almost everything that they would be using this year on their desks last night (barring a few as-yet un-purchased books… budgeting constraints, you know). We went through all the books and talked about how they’ll be used, what our schedule will be like for this year and what our expectations are for this year – mine and theirs. They asked questions and had the chance to really flip through and examine the lessons and materials. I like that they were interested in what they’ll be doing. Of course, they can do this any time (the books live on their desks in the red baskets), but I enjoyed going through them with the boys and planting seeds of interest, and seeing them find things that they’re excited about getting to.
We also talked about goals and things we’d like to accomplish this year, and the boys wrote them down in their planners along with a positive affirmation for the day and a look at their STARS planners and how they’ll be used this year. By the time we were done, it was lunchtime, so they ate, then had time to look through all of my books that we’ll be using this year as well as the rest of their workbooks and other materials, and ask more questions. After that, they took off for some outside time, building a medieval hut/trading post out of the remnants of a big wooden puppet show theater that we had when they were itty bitty.
Then they came inside for storytime (we’re reading D’Aulaire’s Greek Myths for fun and Norse Myths for history) and science, then we went off to a chicken pox party. Super-suspicious LBB was less than enthused about having a sucker that a poxed 4 year old had previously sucked on, but did eventually cooperate and a lengthy discussion about Mom’s motives and why having chicken pox is infinitely preferable to vaccinating against them ensued in the car on the way to the library.
After checking out several of the books we’ll be using this week, we came back home, worked on some science vocabulary, had dinner and sent the children off to bed with an early morning of schoolwork followed by a late-morning field trip planned for tomorrow. Speaking of bed, I’m headed there myself. Hope your first day back was lovely and filled with potential!
Warmly,
~h
Lesson Planning 2011 Part 3: The Extras
I know that from the previous posts about our 2011 school year, it looks like there isn’t much room left in the day for anything else. Let me rest your mind a bit by saying that I often over-prepare to some degree because I know that some of the things planned will end up getting scrapped in favor of something that works better. I blog as much for my own reference as to share; in several instances, I’ve planned on using two full courses of study but of course we’ll only need one. We may use bits from each or focus mainly on one or the other, but we will not complete both as full courses (unless we need to go back and remediate). Our daily schedule, while full, is flexible as is my general attitude. As we get more settled into homeschooling, I think it’s natural to step it up more.
Our extracurriculars for this year will be: Foreign Language, Physical Education, Health, Music/Arts/Drama, Triangle Homeschoolers Adventure Club, Community Service, Robotics, CurrClick’s Lego Club, Home Economics, TX Nature Challenge, Houston Wilderness Program, 4H, Science Fair, Summer Reading Club and whatever other interest the kids have that they’re motivated to look more deeply into. Some of this will be continuous and other things will be seasonal.
Many of these ECs will be in conjunction with a core lesson; TX Nature Challenge, JASET and the Lego clubs, for example, are science lessons. The TXNC may also count under ‘geography’ and ‘physical education’, depending on the activity and location as well.
Foreign Language
We started Latin a few months ago and we’ll continue with it this year. I found a great literature-based YouTube Series called Learning Latin with Virgil. It’s based on Virgil’s ‘The Aeneid’ and it’s been really fun and easy to learn. I don’t speak Latin, I was wondering how to work the pronunciation; this video series eliminates that worry. Since we’re doing this video series, I wanted flashcards for the boys to review in other places (so we’re not continually tied to the computer for Latin review) so I made flashcards for Lessons 1 – 4, and for Lessons 3 – 4. I’ll have more later on. I’m cutting them, pasting onto index cards and laminating them. I also found The Declension Song (lyrics), which we’re learning. I’m hoping that will give us a leg up when we start with more in-depth Latin lessons. I also found vocabulary flash cards at Flashcard Exchange. Eventually, we’ll move in to Ecce Romani (exercises and Teacher’s Lounge are good resources). The video series is quite long though, so it will be a while before we’re ready for ER.
Physical Education & Health
Getting exercise isn’t a problem for my kids. Having a PE curriculum is. Do we ‘need’ one? maybe not, but we’re going to put a little more structure into our PE plans this year. Our homeschool group will have a planned ‘PE class’ starting in January, but that’s only once per month. We’re going to use PE Challenge.org‘s website some, and PE Central for more game-oriented ideas. My friends and I are back on the weight-loss wagon starting now, so having to ‘teach’ PE to the kids is as much for myself as it is for them.
We’re also starting a comprehensive sex ed course this year. I found the FLASH Curriculum that is put out by the Seattle and King County Health Department. From what I’ve looked at, it seems to be exactly what I was looking for. It’s geared to 4-6th grade, and doesn’t skimp on sexual health topics. Naturally, I’ll supplement with other materials or discussions on topics that I find appropriate, but as a spine with good pacing, FLASH looks like it will work well for us. I’ve also added the Kids Health.org link to the kid’s computers so that they can look around and have questions answered. The Young Men’s Health and Young Girl’s Health are a bit ‘older’, but I like those, too. The videos, As Boys Grow and That’s a Family were also recommended.
Music, Art & Drama
The Core Knowledge books have a section on Music, presumably for all of their books. We’ll cover what is there as well as music study with Share the Music (grade 4). I also found a really fun set of mini-books on impressionist artists that we may take a week at a time and do a lapbook over the course of a few months.
The boys began formal piano lessons a few months ago with my grandmother who lives next door. She used to play in church when I was little and has really enjoyed teaching the boys. They spend about half an hour, 3 times a week with her in lessons and practice for 15-20 minutes the other 2 days. When we get a decent keyboard, then they’ll practice everyday.
I am also getting the Artistic Pursuits ( book 3) curriculum. It seems to be very highly recommended, and since I like art but know basically nothing about it, I think this will help me out a lot. We’ll also use bits from Masterpiece Art Instruction; their article, Art & ADHD was of particular interest to me, and countless crafts and art projects that tie into an academic lesson will be used, plus holiday and just for fun stuff from That Artist Woman’s Blog. I’d also like to add more theater into our lives; I found some Drama Links from A-Z Home’s Cool Homeschooling that we might be able to incorporate. Our homeschool group is talking about hosting a play in the spring, so we’ll see about that.
One of the things I am most excited about for this coming year is getting the kids more involved in community volunteering projects. We’ve found several organizations that are (HEARTS.org, 4H’s ‘Community Service Projects You Can Do!’, LU’s Cardinals C.A.R.E. Resource List) targeted towards children and homeschooling families; one of our homeschool group’s moms has volunteered to take the lead in planning on organizing events for this year.
TX Nature Challenge is a program coordinated by the TX AgriLife Extension office and the TX Forest Service. They’ve started posting ‘missions’ each year that encourage families to ‘view native wildlife, dip your feet in creeks, rivers, and draw and write about your observations while learning more about nature and science in your neighborhood!’ We participated last year and the missions for 2010 in our area are still up. Though the competition portion is over, we’ll continue working on them in our own time. The Houston Wilderness Program ties in, but is not connected with the TXNC; we’ve been able to do many of the HWP’s activities on the same day/trip as TXNC’s missions.
4-H offers plenty of learning opportunities; everything from lessons in government and parliamentary procedure to agricultural engineering, animal husbandry, archery and photography. I’m quite sure that we’ll find plenty to do with 4H this year, as well as our usual barrage of homeschool group field trips (we have a trip to Austin planned for the summer, camping) & Co-op. We also have other clubs through our group, like the Adventure Club, which is similar to scouting, and we’ll also be involved with the FIRST Jr. Lego League (ages 6-9) & Lego League (ages 9-14) and CurrClick’s Lego Club.
Texas Regional Science Fair – the boys won’t be competing this year, but LBB will be next year. I found several really neat idea books, so between them and the boy’s natural curiosity, I’m sure they’ll find something that appeals. Our homeschool group is planning a group-wide, informal science fair for June. I think the boys will be excited about it.
Changes to the Curriculum for 2011: I know, we haven’t even started and are already tweaking… such is my life! I have omitted Spectrum Science as a possible resource for us this year. I had the chance to really look at it, and basically, it’s a reading/worksheet assignment that will simply not work for my boys. They need more hands-on, and less lecture. I am going to use the E=MC2 Life Science book (it’s a free downloadable version) and if that goes well, I’ll purchase the next set.
For history, I am going to end up using Story of the World. I found the first 3 volumes at Barnes & Noble and got to look over them. I think that the ‘story’ format will work well for us. We’re using Mosaic to start; if that works well then we won’t use the SotW Activity Guide books. If it doesn’t, then I’ll look into them.
And so, with that, our curriculum for next year is complete. I hope that you’ve found something here that you can use; if you find something that you think I might like, please feel free to link in comments below!
Warmly,
~h
Lesson Planning 2011 Part 2: The Core
I consider ‘core’ the basic three: reading, writing and math; plus language arts (which includes phonics, spelling and grammar), science and history. Our daily schedule usually has all the above daily, with science or history on alternating days.
In my last post on this topic, I wrote about using the ‘complete’ workbooks as a guide. I really liked the math sections for both 2nd and 3rd grade in the HB series, and I think we’re going to go ahead and get them. We’ll still be using MEP as our main math, but the wkbk would be nice to supplement with, especially on days where I need an easy day!
We’ve pretty much given up on Saxon Math. I know some love it, but it’s just too overwhelming for me to use. We’re still using bits and pieces from it like the morning meeting, the daily problems and warm-up, problem or concept of the day – stuff like that, but as our main squeeze, I’m ditching it. We’ll also be using Math Mammoth, Lesson Pathways and Khan Academy videos for new concepts, and plenty of manipulatives for illustration and repetition. We’re still math journaling to keep track of math work and to serve as our weekly review. If you haven’t seen Integer Jim’s math journals, then do check them out – they’re something to aspire to!
The all-in-one workbooks also have spelling and LA, but I don’t know how much of that we’ll really use. We’ll be going back to doing an individual spelling lesson this year; I’ve let it slide as a stand-alone subject in favor of working on it through writing. That’s been going well and I think that my plan for this coming year falls into line with that method rather than the ‘learn this list’. My kids both have a hard time with spelling, so we’re going to go ‘old school’… as in, to the 1960′s. I have Power 2 Spell and Dr. Spello (this is 4th ed.; mine is 2nd edition and from 1968, but the table of contents list is the same). LBB has auditory issues, so I am hoping that going through this workbook will help him with slowing down his thinking a bit and really listening. Once we’re done with Dr. Spello, we’ll move on to Power to Spell 2. It’s a second grade level book, but I think they’ve ‘dumbed down’ the spelling words over the years. I have a more recent spelling textbook for 3rd grade and the words in it are less challenging than the ones in PtS2. In any case, both books focus on ‘hearing’ sounds and connecting them with the letter that represents that sound. I haven’t been able to find a link to the Power to Spell book that I have, but this is it:
I used printouts from SuperTeacherWorksheets.com for LA concepts this past year; I’m hoping that the workbook will help provide more direction for this coming year. One of the things I liked about Charlotte Mason style and about Moving Beyond the Page’s ‘year overview’ was that LA, science and history are taught in conjunction with literature; using the reading selections to highlight, illustrate or expound upon the lesson. I’d like to work towards that more this year.
For our main LA curriculum, we’re considering using English Maven in addition to the workbook’s LA section. EM is computer-based, which appeals to my boys, esp LBB. We’ve also been using KISS grammar to some extent, but it is hard to navigate and use without an extensive read-through and exploration before use. Once you’re used to it though, it’s a good (if incomplete for all grades) program. Honestly, I think that the biggest helper for my kids in grammar and LA concepts has simply been reading. The Core Knowledge books also have a good overview of literature and skills by grade, so we’ll make sure to cover those as well.
The boys spend at least half an hour reading every day and when we started homeschooling, I was reading to them every day as well. We’ve gotten away from that, so I really want to focus back on that as well. I’ve noticed a marked improvement in both of the boys’ reading skill since we’ve been homeschooling. We started reviewing basic reading skills and they’re taken off since then. I use some of the reading assessment tools from A-Z Home’s Cool Homeschooling to check their progress. I don’t know how ‘accurate’ they are, but it gives us a starting point at least.
The writing stuff will be a challenge. Both boys are great at dictating their thoughts, not so much at writing them down. This is an age thing, I believe, and we’ll be working on developing and improving both handwriting and writing skills more this year. We started cursive with LBB in M5 last year; PG is still working on D’Nealian print. We’re using Handwriting Practice books, along with custom-printed worksheets that I make (themed relevant to something we’ve been working on or will do). The boys both have email addresses and blogs for journaling online. We haven’t been as diligent on that as we might have been, but the goal for this coming year will be at least one blog per week. (Contact me for the link to their blogs. If you have a homeschooler who is looking for a pen pal, we can chat about that, too.) Journal prompts and handwriting worksheets also come from SuperTeacherWorksheets and whatever I may think of or they come up with to write about. For 2011′s school year, we will be focusing heavily on handwriting, note-taking and constructing paragraphs and reports in addition to daily practice.
Moving on…
I find science and history to be both extremely challenging and laughably easy to ‘teach’. I find it very easy to integrate both into the curriculum just through everyday ‘stuff’ – field trips are usually science themed and the world around us presents so many opportunities for delving into both of those subjects. That said, I find it hard to measure where they are because we’re not really using a linear system of learning. Not that that’s a huge issue or anything, but I am considering moving back to a more structured model for this year. Yes, I realize that this is more for my own need to quantify rather than a real ‘need’ for structure in these areas, but that’s how I roll. {wink}
For science, I am considering getting Spectrum’s 3rd grade workbook to use as a spine. I have our ISD’s science text books for 1-3rd grade (I found them at Goodwill), but they’re SO BORING, and quite frankly… simple. My boys are way past that level, so we need something a little more in-depth. I really like Moving Beyond the Page’s idea of integration of science and history into the LA work, so my plan is to work on doing that this year. I’ve also gushed about Super Science Concoctions in the past, and continue to extol its virtues. Fast, easy and fun; we’ve never been disappointed. I also have Jr. Boom Academy, which is similar to SSC and just as fun, as well as a variety of subject specific science books by Rosemary Althouse and Cecil Main (magnets, water, air, food, as we grow, colors) that have experiments and explanations of ‘how this works’ that we can incorporate into lessons this year as needed.
History ‘worked into everyday’ is easy. History as a ‘systematic course of study’ is more challenging. I really like The Well Trained Mind’s idea of history in stages; we’re current with 3rd grade (Late Renaissance – Early Modern (1600-1850) and will continue in that vein. MacroHistory has sectioned links that are great for timeline-making; we’ll be starting our scroll version this year. Mosaic, using SWB’s Story of the World was recommended to me; but SOTW seems to be pretty faith-based and I prefer not to use it. Also, there are three volumes (and several versions) of SOTW, so it’s confusing. Mosaic can also be used with Gombrich’s A Little History of the World; I’m finding that A Short History of the World by Alex Woolfe mostly works too. Again, the Core Knowledge books and the all-in-one will have some contributions to our curriculum this year; it will be as we get started that I determine how much of what we’ll actually use on a regular basis.
Learning Tools
A word about worksheets: they really don’t work for us – not in the traditional sense, anyway. We usually do them together, aloud and on the chalkboard (we have a 5′ long school chalkboard in our schoolroom). I may write the actual problem from the worksheet on the board or re-work it into pictures or symbols, or I may get the kids to write the problem or question out. I use the sheet to record answers and take notes from the lesson, and then file the sheet.
Lapbooks: We’ve been working on lapbooks for the last few months and will continue throughout this year, supplementing almost every subject with lapbooking fun. I love HomeschoolShare.com’s lapbook templates and unit studies. They’re easy to combine and mix-and-match as needed. HomeschoolHelperOnline also has a list of lapbooks, and you can’t help but be in awe of the resource list at Eclectic Education! KickButtMama’s master list of free printables is really spiffy, too. Practical Pages Lapbook Pages and Jimmie’ s Collage Minibooks also have a bunch of nifty templates that you can print, cut and keep handy for lapbooking on the fly.
Manipulatives: we use file folder games I have this book), computer games, diagrams, lapbooks, flash cards, puzzles, math manips (like tiles, geoboards, marbles, playing cards, stones, legos, abacus, fraction tiles, math mini-office, etc.), maps, posters, crafts and projects – literally ANYTHING that I find or the boys show an interest in to make learning fun, exciting, engaging and memorable. Sometimes, we find things that we enjoy, sometimes we decide in the middle of something that this is not for us and chuck it in favor or attacking the lesson from a different perspective. It’s all about trial and error and keeping an open mind.
I’d also like to recommend Topsy’s A Few of My Favorite (Secular Homeschooling) Things article from a few weeks ago at SecularHomeschool.com. Some of the resources listed there are too old for my boys, but I’m keeping them in mind for later.
Whew! That is a LONG list of stuff! I’ve been working on this post for weeks now and I am glad it’s all lined out. I’m sure I’ll be tweaking this more, adding and shelving things as we go, and I will have an ‘M1 Lesson Planning’ post with more detailed lists for the first 4 weeks going up as well. Up next: Lesson Planning 2011: The Extras!
If you’re lesson planning for next year, feel free to link to your blog in the comments so I can poke around!
Warmly,
~h
Lesson Planning 2011 Part 1: The Overview
So… it’s that time again… planning for next year! I’ve been working on this for weeks now and I think I am finally ready to start getting it all on paper. I’m breaking this post into parts; this is likely to be quite long and I want to cover each section separately. I’m starting with the overview.
Our calendar for this year will run from January 3 through December 9. We have 40 weeks of school, M-F, in four-week sections with a week’s break between each. That will give us 200 school days. Of course, we’ll have scheduled holidays off (birthdays – no one should have to go to school or work on their birthday) and major (and bank) holidays, so we’ll even out at around 190 or so, which is about average.
I’ve looked at a couple of new things lately, both method and resources. We’ll actually be buying some curricula and other things for this upcoming year, which will be fun. Over and over this past year, I’ve come across pages from Enchanted Learning, so a subscription to their site for this year is on my wish list.
Something I’ve been considering for this year is a better ‘spine’ to keep us grounded a bit better. I know some aren’t concerned with keeping up with the grade level that they’d be at in school, but I am – not so much that we overlook what they’re interested in, but enough so that we have a guide and path from A to Z for the year’s arc. To that end, I consulted a couple of different resources. I ordered the “What Yours X Grader Needs to Know‘ from the Core knowledge series for 2nd and 3rd grade and will probably get the 4th grade book towards the summer. I don’t know how much we’ll use them or need them, but it will be nice to have.
I also looked through the Moving Beyond the Page site, which is a literature-based study program. Using their book lists and outlines, we’ll work on some of the stuff they suggest. Obviously, without paying for the full curriculum, we won’t be doing quite the same things, but I love the literature aspect of this site and if the boys like it then we may consider using their full paid curriculum for Year 3. I’m also still consulting The Well Trained Mind on occasion, though we’ve deviated from their path more than a little at this point. I do like referring to it when I feel like we’re getting too far off track though. We’ve gotten away from CM style in recent months, so I think a shift back towards literature as a base will be beneficial for us.
As for a basic overview, I was considering getting a big workbook; one of the ‘everything for 3rd grade’ kind, and I still may. I spent some time looking through a couple, and I really liked Harcourt’s Complete Curriculum series. I don’t know that we ‘need’ it, but one thing we will be working on this year is ‘working independently’. A friend recommended the workbox system, and I’m considering modifying it to a folder system so the boys can work on certain days or for certain subjects (or reviews) on their own. We’re going to be using the STARS planner for them to help encourage good work/study habits as well. I think the workboxes will fit nicely into that system.
In a slight change from last year, 2011′s school year is broken into five 10-week sections, called ‘mods’ (short for module), and which include 2 ‘off’ weeks. Each mod is one grading period. To some degree, each 4 week section has a theme that we work in; 4 weeks=4 seasons is a natural rhythm, so the first week is discovery (beginnings, spring), the second week is growth (summer), the third week is mastery (harvest, fall) and the fourth week is review and preview for the next section (winter). I like Moving Beyond the Page’s ‘concepts’ but their 3 week set up doesn’t fit our calendar, so I took that idea and tinkered with it to fit.
I have the first mod pretty much planned, and themes set for the year. I’ll be working on the rest, and a couple more posts (one with ‘core‘ and one with ‘extras’) to go up soon. If you’re starting in January, how’s your year’s planning coming along?
Warmly,
~h
Our First Year of Homeschooling is Complete.
Incredibly, we’re more or less done with our first year of homeschooling. This week is the last week in my lesson planner (an oversight that is corrected in next year’s planner), and though we will still be doing ‘school-ish’ things throughout the month of December, we’re officially out of school until January 3rd.
I can’t believe that we’re already finished with our first year! Back in January, when I started on this path, I knew we were taking a step in the right direction. Even so, I remember feeling nervous about the actual day-to-day ‘doing’ of it.
Many of the websites I looked at in the beginning talked about how the first year of homeschooling is an exploratory year. They cautioned against buying too much or getting too entrenched in one method or mindset with the comment that the way you think you’ll homeschool often isn’t the way that ends up working for you. I’m so glad that I read those kinds of things because I found those points definitely to be true in my case.
I’m glad that we didn’t buy a bunch of text books; we rarely use them, opting instead for materials that aren’t so dry. We started our homeschooling year enchanted with Charlotte Mason style ideas. Books play such a central role in our lives, so that style fit in with what we were already doing by nature. We stuck with that pretty well until summer hit, which required a re-vamp as my niece was with us most days. I’d started to read more about ‘de-schooling’ by that point, too, so we fell into more of an unschool-y rhythm. Not ‘real’ unschooling, but as close to it as I’ll ever come, most likely. Then when the school year started up again, our homeschool group was getting off the ground and more active, so we moved more into unit studies and active learning through field trips and other non-traditional methods (though we have kept a fairly consistent level of book-work at home throughout). Over the last few months, we’ve also been doing more lapbooking and finding our groove with a more relaxed and mastery focused method.
It’s been interesting to me to work through the progression over the past year. We’re both not at all where I thought we’d be and exactly on-target. I’m extremely pleased with how the year has gone, with the work that the kids have done this year, and with the material we’ve covered. I’ve learned to be more relaxed – not so much that school slacks, but enough so that I’m not worrying myself ragged over being ‘on track’ with public school or so that the kids aren’t enjoying learning. I still worry about it, but I think they’re pretty well ‘on-target’ with their grade level, and that is reassuring. That’s my hold-out issue; staying ‘on-track’. I think that worry will lessen as time passes and we settle more into homeschooling.
There are, of course, some things that I want to get back in a better habit of doing. For the first few months, I read to the kids almost every day. Now, they read aloud every day, but I rarely read to them unless it’s something on the lesson plan. I miss that, so I will be adding more literature and story-time for next year – actually scheduling it so it doesn’t slide. More along that line of thought to come; I’m working on a Lesson Planning for 2011 post that will be up soon.
Aside from a curriculum to teach, there are some things that are essential for a new homeschooler. If you’re just starting out, here’s my list of must have items to make homeschooling ‘go’:
- a good lesson planner & calendar
- 100 quality pencils and an electric pencil sharpener. Click or pink erasers would not go amiss.
- skip crayons; opt for quality colored pencils
- case of copy paper or two and a quality printer and plenty of ink refills
- internet access
- Counting rack/abacus, globe or world map (globe is better), a comfy chair for Mom
Another thing I found to be most helpful this year has been establishing a firm support foundation, both in real life and on the internet. Meeting local homeschooling families has given both me and the boys a social outlet as well as afforded us more active learning opportunities via field trips and group events. In addition to ‘real’ hand-holding, I’ve found so many homeschooling moms who are willing to share on forums and through blog recommendations. You ladies have no idea how helpful you’ve been; how valuable and encouraging your experiences and stories and accounts of day-to-day homeschooling life have been to me. Thank you so much for sharing!
First Day of Homeschooling
Homeschooling, Year 1 is Complete
Without a doubt, this year has been a rousing success. It’s been such a joy and privilege to share our first year with you, dear reader, and I thank you for your comments, feedback and unwavering support! Homeschooling has been wonderful for us, and I am so grateful that we have this opportunity. I’m looking forward to sharing next year with you as well.
From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving!
Warmly,
~h
Standardized Testing
I don’t usually blog about issues that don’t impact my kids, but this one is different. We’re in Texas, where standardized testing (STing) is not required for homeschoolers… at this time. Who is to say what will happen in the future – but for now, it’s not an issue we have to deal with. Actually, since it is not required, I’m kind of opposed to homeschoolers voluntarily taking them, just because I can see how that might lead to legislation making it not optional in the future.
There’s such a buzz about STing all over the place that people seem to either not realize or forget that they’re really not a good way to ensure a minimum of education or gauge what a student has learned. Let me say right off the bat that I am in no way advocating standardized testing. I really think it’s faulty reasoning for schools to use STing results for making big educational decisions for many, many reasons. But I am curious as to what the alternatives to STing might be for large-scale operations and schools.
There’s a group on Facebook, Parents & Kids Against Standardized Testing that I found recently, and though I tend to agree with the premise, you can’t just take away the only method that institutionalized school systems have for ensuring (attempting to, anyway) that at the very least, all students in X grade know XYZ. It’s not a perfect system (by far) but I do feel that if you’re going to entrust your children’s education to the government, there would need to be some sort of system in place to ensure that at least a minimum of education is met. STing is the method that has become that system.
Is it a perfect system? No. Is it even an adequate system? Not really, no. For one thing, STing does not take into consideration any child who does not learn via lecture. If you have a child who needs manipulatives to really grasp a concept, then in most ISDs he’s just out of luck. The whole process of STing does not allow for children who learn outside the norm.
Another issue is the test itself; I have been on the pencil end of many, many “fill in the bubble’ tests where the question is designed to trick you or mislead you. Now,while some might argue that questions like that are designed to test reading comprehension or to punish you for not paying attention, have seen many that are designed so that there may be more than one correct answer, depending on how you interpret the question. Some even have multi-part answers that are counted incorrect if you only miss part of the question. I’ve even found some homeschool tests that are like that – that’s not ascertaining what the student KNOWS, it’s ascertaining whether the student can take a test. Then there are the children who simply do not test well, or have a harder time with reading comprehension or don’t learn well visually. Such a big deal is made during testing grades that there is an enormous amount of pressure put onto the kids to do well – starting at 8 years old – earlier even if you’re in a school that has lower test scores. As young as 2nd grade, they’re starting to hear about tests and practicing for taking them. I know a couple of parents with children who worried themselves ill – literally – before testing days. How can that be healthy?
I’m really not opposed to assessment tests that actually look at what the child knows. I use them for my kids to keep us on track. I use the state’s standards as a guideline to see what we need to cover each year. We may stray from that as the kids interests dictate, but we do make an effort to stay near the state’s recommendations.
I’m mostly just thinking out loud here. Obviously, in an institutionalized setting, it will function differently than homeschooling will. It’s not practical to have a delight-led class of 25. I just think that there are too many kids who fall through the cracks in the current system.
Warmly,
~h
Secular Nature Study
We’ve been outside nearly every day over the past 2 weeks, roaming our neighborhood, a local zoo and forest hiking trails. We spent yesterday at a local state park, down by (and in) the creek, wading, swimming, collecting algae and small shelled critters… the weather has been absolutely gorgeous and we haven’t wanted to miss a moment of it. Of course, enjoying nature inevitably brings up the issue of creation… and here we go with today’s Secular Thursday post!
Actually, I’m really not going to go into the creation debate… we’ve had too much fun over the last few days to worry overmuch about why some people can’t simply enjoy being here without delving into the depths of why and how we got here. Something about all that just makes me want to roll my eyes with a long-suffering sigh and make rude faces at my friends who then laugh uproariously as we make snarky remarks about the subject.
Last week, then the weather really started cooling off, I decided that I wanted to take the kids out to the creek and just lay on the bank and read while they played in the water. I mentioned my plans to my friends and at their piqued interest, I magnanimously agreed that they might enjoy such an outing as well and welcomed their company. So we ended up with 4 moms and 10 children, which if you’d seen the amount of ‘stuff’ required to go on this outing, you’ll quickly see the wisdom in bringing this many kids.
We moms brought our crafting books and drawing materials, as well as the kids swim wear and field trip, fishing and picnic supplies. Some of the kids brought bikes as well, so we were well-supplied for any and every eventuality.
Shortly after these pictures were taken, a ranger came out and let us know that we were in a ‘no swimming’ area, and that we’d have to move. The only issue with that was that the designated ‘day use’ areas are, in reality, small picnic tables in very small enclosures off the parking lot. You can’t even see the creek and there is nowhere for the kids to play. So we packed up with much grumbling and relocated to the pavilion. It was right on the playground and kiddie hiking trail, and near the creek (sorta), so we set up under the pavilion and let the kids roam wild.
All in all, it was a great day. The kids got plenty of learnin’ done without a single formal lesson in sight (more on that from the incomparable PB&JMom, whose commentary on the day makes me want to stand up and applaud and whistle and stuff) and we got some planning done for the next couple of months for the homeschool group. I’d say that’s a productive day!
Warmly,
~h
Organized Mom is Disorganized This Week
… and by ‘week’, I naturally mean ‘month’. {sigh} I am playing catch-up in a major way… we’re 2 weeks into M6 and I just now printed out my reports for M5. (If you’re just tuning in, I use Homeschool Tracker’s Basic for record-keeping. We break for a week after every 6, and I print report cards because I am an obsessive-compulsive type who likes paper (as well as digital) reports to refer to when the need arises – and it does, often. More on that in a bit. If that’s not your bag, that’s cool – but you don’t get to make nasty comments… unless they’re funny. Funny, I can forgive {wink})
I’ve spent the last 2 or 3 weeks working with SFK and PB&JMom getting our homeschool group’s co-op planned and the calendar set for the next few months (and then coming home and updating the calendar and website). I thoroughly enjoyed myself throughout all stages of this event, but in working all of that, I have neglected my own planning. I have our 6 week arc down, but I do not have daily lessons planned for the entire mod as of yet. My poor lesson planner is nearly blank past this weekend, so I will be sitting down and filling the rest of that out over the weekend, I am sure. After all, how can we learn when we don’t yet know what we’re going to learn about?!
Something I have been meaning to address is, “How do you do everything that you do?”
This is a question I get asked often – or variations of. In the past month, I’ve been called everything from a ‘straight-up overachiever’ to an ‘android’… all in good fun, of course, but the question stuck with me. I’m sure it’s a compliment with a great deal of snark mixed in, but I get asked that often enough to want to answer it. I’m just never sure what to say that answers it without sounding like I’m either defending myself or bragging. So here goes…
First of all, I’d like to say that what I do is in no way a comment on what you do (or do not) do. My friends know this already, but I wanted to clear that up before I went any further. I’m hardly perfect and gleefully submit to pointings-out of my faults, but as Patchfire says in SmrtLernins’ Secular Homeschool Archetypes: The Organized Mom,
Organized Mom doesn’t know how not to be organized…
Truer words, my dear… truer words. I love Smrt Mama’s homeschooling archetypes post. I can easily identify myself. I could front and say that’s not me, but we all know it is, lol.
I don’t think it’s so much about the ‘how’ as it is the ‘why’. As I said, I’m an obsessive compulsive type who likes information in duplicate and in multiple formats (in case of a fire… or hurricane… or alien invasion…y’know. Whatever). I do not like surprises; the rare exception to that is if you can manage to keep me from detecting even a hint of it. Such a feat has only been accomplished once, and all credit to BFF, because she completely rocked that! As you would expect, I am not a spontaneous person. My calendar has actually had time blocked of for ‘something spontaneous’ in the past, I kid you not. This mindset extends to basically every aspect of my life.
That’s not to say that I am not flexible. I am more than willing to change plans most of the time, but I need my hours blocked off so that I know what my options are. That way, I can pick and choose what I really want to do and rarely miss out on something cool. This is the part that applies to homeschooling and why I am the way I am. I don’t want my kids to miss out on a unique learning opportunity. Why spend a week reading about the Civil War when we can go to a Civil War Re-enactment and live it? That’s so much more interesting and makes history tangible. I dig that.
I also know what I want available in our area. Though our individual group is rather small, the homeschooling community in our tri-county area is extensive. With 7 co-ops that I know of (just learned about another one yesterday!), not counting mine, that’s a LOT of homeschoolers. But none of the groups are working together as a team to pull resources that we could all benefit from. Each group individually might host a science fair or an art show – but what if we had enough participants from all the groups for a ‘real’ show or competitive fair? I just see potential know that I want that opportunity for my kids. Surely there must be other homeschooling moms who see this kind of void, and I can’t help thinking that if we all work together, we can fill it with something totally awesome.
I also know what it is that I want for my kids, and to an extent, what I want out of it as well. I enjoy homeschooling. I love researching and finding cool things to dry and make and do. I like messy projects and days where we chuck the lesson plan and snuggle on the couch with hot chocolate and literature (or I will when winter gets here, lol). I love teaching my kids – watching them finally ‘get’ something is absolutely amazing. I love that I get to spend time with my kids – hours per day that would be lost if they were in school-school – every aspect of it, though challenging at times, is right up my alley. Combine that with my personal philosophy about child rearing, which can basically be summed up with, “When you know better, do better”. I want the best for my kids, and I do my best for them. I’m by no means perfect, but I try awfully hard.
I think there’s also a good dose of learning from my elders mixed in with my outlook, too. When my babes were little, I held them all the time. No really. ALL the time, either in-arms or worn on me in the sling. This came about, in part, because I kept hearing my grandmother and her friends talk about how much they wished they had not listened to the ones who told them to put their babies down to sleep or on the floor for ‘tummy time’… about how fleeting the baby days are. I didn’t want to miss out on any of that, so I held them. When I was in school, my mother worked a lot and talked often about how much she’d only ever wanted to be a stay at home mom. Since I am a stay at home mom, I try to enjoy it to the fullest and not take it for granted. These kids grow faster every day and since I can’t slow ‘em down, I’m savoring every single step.
So, back to the organizational stuff, if you’re still wondering why I keep and print records, and perhaps more interestingly, wondering what it is that I do with them, you’re in luck. I print them to file so that I have a back-up if my computers and/or hard/flash drives bite the dust. I use them to balance myself when I’m planning our lessons. I print the Overview and can see how many hours were devoted to which subjects. We’re almost always math and science heavy. Our Reading and LangArts/Grammar are moderate and history is actually pretty light most of the time. That makes sense to me – I know where that comes from. Math is my weakest subject, so I overcompensate to make sure I’m not short-changing my kids on math skillz. Maybe too much. I think science and technology are vital to my kids’ futures and careers, and so they play prominently in our curriculum. I’m much more comfortable with the ‘Reading’ stuff. That’s my strong suit, and so I feel pretty confident in those areas with what we’re doing so I don’t focus as much on those. They are also my boys’ weakest subjects, so I can see that maybe we need to spend more time in those areas.
In a 6-week long mod (usually 24 days of instruction), we range from 67 to 82 hours of ‘classroom’ time. That includes the lessons and field trips that are in my lesson planner and sometimes I also count schoolish things that are done on non-school days (like a field trip taken with our homeschool group on our off week). There are also a zillion ‘other’ things that could be added, but I try to keep what I record just to actual ‘lessons’, if that makes sense. Being able to quantify our time like that lets me sleep at night instead of worrying if we’re spending enough time in school or on schoolwork.
Grades are a little trickier. They have excellent grades – but we don’t just ‘gloss over’ anything that they need to know. If we’re learning a math skill, then we stay on that skill until it is mastered. They may be ‘behind’ what other kids their age are doing, but I feel that mastering a skill now is far better than squeaking by with a ‘passing grade’ now and finding that your foundation is weak later on. And they’re not behind (in case you were wondering).
So anyway… this all sounded a lot better in my head, lol. I’ll stop here, though I welcome questions if you want to know something specific. I hope that this casts a little bit of illumination into the transparent depths of my psyche for you {wink}.
Warmly,
~h
Sunday Surf for Aug. 22
This week’s Sunday Surf has a lot more homeschooling content than last weeks (even though I promised more last week, lol). As always, you can click the image and be taken to AuthenicParenting’s website, where the Sunday Surf originated. If you’ve come across good reading on the web this week, then we invite you to participate on your own blog. Snag the image and link back to AuthenticParenting’s site with your list!
Happy reading!
- The Attachment Parenting Blog, written by an AP dad with 3 kiddos shares his thoughts on a reader’s question, ‘Should you allow your older child to crawl into your bed at night? There are several other great posts as well. His blog is worth checking out as a whole. It’s neat to see such a blog from a dad’s perspective – rare, but good.
- Secular Homeschooling Magazine has an article that is long, but I found it to be very interesting regarding ‘Christian’ authors Michael and Debi Pearl and their book, To Train Up A Child, in which they advocate homeschooling. The article, To Train Up A Child: The Greater Problem, addresses the issues that arise when the rest of the world, despite many mainstream Christian organizations denouncing the Pearl’s teachings, associate their parenting methods with homeschooling.
- I really enjoyed this article on Family Based Living by Heather Madrone. In a world where many people seem to think of kids as an inconvenience that must be managed, it’s nice to read about how one family took a different approach. Her site, Heather’s Homeschooling Page, has quite a few articles in home and unschooling and the lifestyle associated with homeschooling families.
- Considering Methods & Styles of Homeschooling by Lillian Jones at Besthomeschooling.org is a nice reminder not to get bogged down in stuff that can get in the way of the spirit of learning at home.
- Another article from BestHomeschooling.org, Schooling: Liberation or Mind Control? by Richard Heinberg explores some very thought-provoking ideas on the purpose and consequences on institutionalized schooling, as well as providing a host of book recommendations that I am adding to my list.
- The Denim Jumper is a secular homeschooling forum with… attitude. I haven’t explored it fully, but I will be. You may depend upon it {wink}
- Men Wear Bras so Women can go Topless – apparently a big deal, the GoTopless organization is planning rallies to promote shirt-optional equality for women. I thought this was funny… not sure exactly where I stand on the issue, especially with the apparently religious backbone, but hey, it’s an interesting way to celebrate Women’s Equality Day (coming up next Sunday), which is the anniversary of women being granted the right to vote.
So that’s my picks! What have you been reading?
Warmly,
~h
Tame Child-Creatures
I saw this posted the other day on Facebook. I and copied it to my TAL FB page, but ever since then, it’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about ‘tame child-creatures’ and comparing my own heathen horde with them and have thus far come out glad that our home contains none of these docile small people.
I’ll be blunt here; sometimes, homeschooling sucks, and when you have children who have been taught that their thoughts and opinions matter, and as a result of that, are used to being heard, listening to a 25 minute treatise on ‘Why We Shouldn’t Have to do Math Today’ can be doubly tiresome. We’ve spent the last couple of months in a bit of a rut. If you’ve been reading here lately, there have been a few posts whining about being tired and irritated. I would apologize for that, but I won’t lest I be accused of perpetuating the false notion that homeschooling is always hunky-dory.
I reached a breaking point (mental exhaustion-induced, I think now) and almost threw in the towel on homeschooling. After some discussion and intervention by Loverly Husband, some mindful cooperative parenting/homeschooling, a bunch of deep housekeeping and home-blessing projects and a substantial break and family vacation over the past two weeks, we’ve been successful in reigning in our kids a bit, setting some reasonable expectations and clearer boundaries and are getting back on an even keel.
That’s not to say that everything is comin’ up roses; we’re currently battling a little bit of First World Entitlement Syndrome (which has resulted in some serious discussions about their status in life and some plans on Mom/Teacher’s part to work in more hands-on direct contact with those less fortunate in our community).
All that aside though, I like that my kids have… personality. I am grateful that they’re thinkers and leaders – they question things; they don’t follow blindly and they’re confident that they will be heard. I count that as an accomplishment in my parenting career that my kids know that they can have their own opinions about things and that they feel free to express them. I admit that I have been embarrassed by them in public – what mom hasn’t? But most often, my embarrassment has come from me buying into some unrealistic stereotype that I momentarily feel pressured to conform to… like the idea that ‘good mothers’ have children who are mild-mannered, calm and quiet – especially in grocery stores.
I recently unsubscribed from a homeschooling support group because of the overwhelming presence of parents who want ‘tame child-creatures’; parents who have an unrealistic ideal in their head that their normally exuberant children don’t meet – and perhaps worse are the parents who are all too willing to share their favorite spirit-crushing methods of enforcing conformity. It got to the point that I was nauseated sometimes to read about some of the things parent’s have done to get those picture-perfect kids (like incorporating a spray bottle to squirt an errant child – like you might a puppy… srsly?? o_O).
The attitude seems to be that the long-term effects don’t matter (if they’re taken into consideration at all); as long as they present a good image to the world (or group) then whatever you do in the name of enforcing conformity is fine. I think that’s dishonest and downright harmful to the kids. It’s a mistake to think that in creating tame child-creatures, you’re actually molding the personality. If your child is wild at heart, you can discipline and punish the things you don’t like – but all that’s creating is a good actor. Sooner or later, that wild heart will break through, sometimes with tragic consequences. Wouldn’t it be ever so much better to work with your child to shape him or her into a productive adult? We all have flaws and personality quirks that will serve us in various ways as adults. As parents, we’re supposed to think in the long-term. Facilitating our child’s inherent traits to maximize future potential is in our job description. I believe that learning to ask questions will serve my kids better as adults than obedience. Confidence trumps conformity. Lead, don’t follow.
There’s balance, of course. We’re aiming for delightfully cultivated wild children here – not feral brats. I am not suggesting that children who are allowed to run free with absolutely no boundaries or expectations are better; they might even be worse. No one wants to deal with bratty children who haven’t been taught common courtesies. It makes me wonder how many parents go to the ‘tame’ extreme because they’re afraid of having a ‘brat’; and furthermore, how much the ‘tame’ and ‘bratty’ children contribute to the problem because other parents only see the two extremes – the oh-so-appealing docile and obedient child who never gives a moment’s trouble and the obnoxious, loud feral child who has no concept of his or her role in society.
I like the natural indulgence in the fullness of the moment that kids seem to live in when they’re allowed to; it’s a reminder to me to live in the ‘now’. If they’re a little loud, so what? If they’re a little bouncy, that’s usually okay, too. A few well-placed reminders do the job nicely. It’s more work, sure – you have to be present and paying attention to your kids a lot of the time. But that’s mindful parenting, not performance parenting and that’s what we’re working towards. Cultivating wild children means that you’re actively involved in what your kids are doing now, not trotting them out like show ponies. Even with all the effort that goes into striving for balance, I think I’d rather embrace the wild than train and tame.
Warmly,
~h
November 28, 2011 | Categories: Attachment Parenting, Lessons Learned, Parenting, Rambling Thoughts, Religion, Secular Thursday, She said WHAT?, Socialization | Tags: attachment parenting, balance, commentary, homeschool group dynamics, homeschooling stereotypes, methods, mindful parenting, raising responsible adults, secular homeschooling, Secular Thursday, SuperMom Complex, unrealistic expectations | 4 Comments »