Is it Summer Break yet?
You know that I love homeschooling, right? But there are times, now being one of them, that I sometimes wish we did a more traditional school schedule. Why?
Two words: SUMMER VACATION.
Not that we don’t break regularly; our ‘normal’ schedule is 4 weeks of school, 1 week off. In the past, we did 6 weeks on/ 1 week off, and last year we did 4/1 all the way through the summer. This year, I adjusted our schedule so that we take a month off in the summer. unfortunately, it’s not for a few weeks yet. I’m ready for it now! {stomps foot} Still, the idea of a three-month long vacation sounds heavenly.
I think that my current want is due to the fact that yesterday, the kids got done with their work super fast and we spent the afternoon lazing about in the pool. The weather was Perfect™, the sun was bright; I brought my Nook and my iPod out there, so we had awesome music and I alternated between sun, water and shade for a good three hours. It was divine.
Today, it’s wet, rainy and a little bit cooler than it has been for the past few weeks – which is nice, don’t get me wrong. But I was just settling into the summer vibe. Now, I have to find a sweater.
In any case, we’ll be trucking along today – Fridays are spelling tests, geography, literature; and we’re working on our timeline & 2 lapbooks (science and history). I’ll have our gator lapbook posted in a bit as well.
Hope your Friday takes you into an awesome weekend!
Warmly,
~h
Homeschooling is Hard
If you’d asked me when we started what the hardest part of homeschooling was, I’d have probably said something about the curriculum, or confidence. At the beginning of last year, it would have been ‘fitting everything in’ or making sure that they didn’t have too many gaps in their education’ – again confidence related with maybe a little scheduling thrown in.
Ask me now, going into our third year, what the biggest challenge of homeschooling is and I say it’s the time commitment; the never-ending constancy of being ‘on’. As either Mom or Teacher, I am on-stage from the moment they wake up in the morning to whenever they finally fall asleep in the evenings (despite the fact that bedtime is at 8PM and not including the occasional during-the-night call to action). I do normally get up around the same time Loverly Husband does in the morning since the kids have started sleeping a little later in the mornings – that gives me a little bit of coffee time alone – but not much.
When my kids were little, I was wholeheartedly committed to the principles of attachment parenting. I remember the kids pre-school years as fun and full of joy, and at that point, we were planning to homeschool so there was no change of scenery in sight. I was happy with that plan, but if I’m honest about it, I admit that there were lots of days that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in desperate need of a nanny, a maid, and an all-expense-paid vacation to somewhere with sparkling sand and cabana boys.
As much as I enjoy my life, and I do recognize that compared to some situations out there my life has been nothing but roses, there have definitely been a couple of breaking points over the years that meant major changes for our family. These changes were needed, but probably should have been addressed sooner than they were. Once they were made though, the benefit to our family happiness was noticeable.
Never one for a pristine-clean house, when the kids were little it was pretty much always a disaster area. With little ones running around, it was really hard to keep them entertained and out of trouble long enough to get any real cleaning done, and whatever I cleaned, they’d messy again when I was in the hallway putting the cleaning supplies away. Since the kids were my priority, the house suffered. When PeaGreen was about 3 and a half or so, after a fight with my Loverly Husband, we finally got on a good housekeeping schedule (and the mighty Household Bossy Book was born). He and I both had roles to fill and after discussing what we had, and what we wanted to change, we were both more aware of the responsibilities that came with keeping up ‘our family’s’ home. It belongs to both/all of us, and though I don’t mind a larger portion of the housekeeping being heaped onto my plate since I am here, even LH and the kids have their ’chores’.
Another breaking point came when the kids started school. I was working (unpaid), trying to get a doula business off the ground, and dealing with the constant in-and-out of school, homework, being an active PTO member and volunteer – it was a lot. Since I was gone so much, it was harder to keep up with all the housekeeping myself, and so the Bossy Book got re-vamped, with the kids taking on larger responsibilities as chores. Then, due to a variety of circumstances, including a tragic miscarriage, I decided to put my personal career goals on hold, and soon after that we started homeschooling.
One of the benefits to having the kids in school though – and one that I miss greatly at times – is the amount of time that I had to myself. From 8AM to almost 3PM, even though I was still ‘on call’ for the kids if needed, it’s not the same as having them underfoot all day, every day. The initial adjustments to homeschooling were all about the good – it was such a welcome change from what we had been dealing with that the day-to-day hadn’t set in yet. Even as much as a year or so later, I think we were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
A couple of months ago, I reached another breaking point. I was ready to quit; even went so far as to look up enrollment information for the kids to go back to school. Part of me was dead serious about it. Part of me was indulging in a fantasy. I was having a super bad day/week, and anything that wasn’t ‘here’ and ‘me’ was better than what we had going on – being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. And of course, the reality that going back to school would not solve any problems; in fact, it would only add new and more awful ones to my already stressed-out plate. And so again, a necessary argument discussion with Loverly Husband about what we had and what was and what was not working was called for. He actually had a day off planned that week, and normally when he’s home, we’re off. But after discussing it, we decided to have school anyway, and let him see how things normally went.
Having a visitor for the day was a good thing*. Having Dad here to actually experience the way that we normally do school and the tactics that our (brilliant, clever and witty) kids have developed to circumvent my methods actually did help. I don’t typically harp on ‘discipline’ with my kids, but this is one area where lack of discipline (meaning ‘adherence to a structure’ and ‘self-discipline’ rather than ‘punishment’) was lacking. Instead of sticking to scheduled time frames, I was allowing pleading and negotiation when there really shouldn’t be any. School work is not negotiable (unless it is – in which case, it is presented as such) and is not up for discussion. That’s not to say that I don’t take their wants and needs into consideration; anyone who works with kids knows that in general, they are comfort-led. They’d rather take the easy route and that’s usually not the same as hitting the books (minor note here about child-led learning; I prefer a more parent directed approach until the basics are covered and their foundation is strong, after which their education will be more interest and strength fine-tuned. YMMV {wink}). Having Dad here to see how things work (and don’t) was a big help; his level of understanding what my day is/can be like, while still not the same as being the primary teacher, is better after having been involved all day. His suggestions and discussion with the kids, as well, helped bring us back to an even keel.
Another facet of this multi-layered issue is me. I have/suffer from/deal with clinical depression issues, and though I wouldn’t normally describe myself as an anxious person, my current medication includes an anti-anxiety component that I am finding extremely helpful. I have been on and off of medication in the past and have known for some time that I needed to go back on them. I did last month and things have been improving. Adjusting to new medication is kind of like a box of chocolates; I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are few and manageable.
Just to clarify, this post isn’t just griping about homeschooling. My point in posting this is to dispel any notion of the ‘homeschoolers are perfect’ style stereotypes and to illustrate how we work through problems in our family. We’re launching into the beginning of our school year, so I wanted to present an open look at what homeschooling can be like on the inside.
Yesterday was our first day back, and we’ve made some adjustments for this year. We generally have an enjoyable routine, though there have been bumps (and will yet be more in the future), we are committed to homeschooling. Helping everyone in our family understand that, and what their roles are, is key to successfully navigating home life – and homeschooling.
Warmly,
~h
* for clarification purposes: calling Loverly Husband/Dad a ‘visitor’ is not meant to imply that he’s not an active part of our homeschooling. As a homeschooling mom, I require his support and participation – but his primary role in our family is provider; mine is child and household care – that’s just the division of labor. Though we both weigh in on the kids’ education, that also is primarily my responsibility to manage. Use of the term ‘visitor’ only implies that he is not normally physically present in day to day schooling with us.
Homeschooling, Year 2: Done!
We made it through our second year of homeschooling! We are officially done with this year (not this grade). Sorry for the lack of posting, but we’ve been making the most of our Winter Break, which is also our official break between school years.
I gotta tell ya, I am so glad for this year to be done. I love homeschooling, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely been more of a struggle over the past few months than it has been before. Part of that is me; I have been on antidepressants for a couple of years and have been needing to change my medication for a while now. I’ve done that and have added an anti-anxiety medication, which I wouldn’t have thought I’d needed, but have found is definitely helping. In any case, I do expect that with proper management of my own health, my stress level will decrease, which can only help things.
In other news, we’ve been quite the crafty-kins around here. I made some of the cutest little hand warmers for all of us from felt and rice. I used flower-shaped cookie cutters, but any shape will work. You can heat them up in the microwave, then slip them inside your pockets or even shoes to warm up freezing fingers or toes. It’s not nearly cold enough for that around here (we’ve only come close to freezing temperatures once so far), but I am sure they’ll come in handy in January & February when the Texas weather finally catches on that winter months are supposed to be cold.
December is a busy month for us; we celebrated LBB’s 10th and Loverly Husband’s 35th birthdays this month in addition to Yule and Christmas, both of which were amazing. LBB got to hang with his friends for his birthday and do some lazer-tagging, and the kids both got air-soft guns for Christmas in addition to a handful of video games and Kinect for XBox. I’ve been playing with my new Nook and Loverly Husband’s been on vacation this week and immersing himself in the world of Skyrim.
Though it may seem like it, I haven’t been neglecting school stuff. I updated the banner here at This Adventure Life for the new school year and spent a few hours last week updating my lesson planner pages and getting them ready to print and bind. I added the workbox plan sheet into my normal lesson planner since we’ve been sticking to that.
We’re also going to give the boys’ STARS planners another go this year; hopefully with better success. I think with the workboxes (which we will continue for this coming year), the planners will work a bit better. We’re continuing the goal of helping them become more self-sufficient with their school work; hopefully between workboxes and their planners they’ll have the tools they need to really take on more responsibility. We won’t be starting our new school year until the second week in January, but I’ll try have all of the new pages in an upcoming ‘lesson planning’ post sometime in the next couple of weeks.
Hope you’re all enjoying your break (if you took one), and felicitations for the New Year!
Warmly,
~h
Fidgets for ADHD Homeschool
One of the benefits of homeschooling a child with ADHD is that you have an almost unlimited amount of freedom to experiment with and utilize the many therapeutic tools that are out there to help such children maintain their concentration on the task at hand.
Fidgets are one of the tools that have been shown to be successful in helping ADHD children maintain focus when they’re doing mentally intense work. If you’re not familiar with them, fidgets are little toys or gadgets that provide children with attention disorders stimulation (tactile, oral, or gross motor, or a combination thereof) and/or an outlet for their excess energy during seat-work. Some fidgets are small, either handheld or for the desktop to keep hands busy while the child is thinking, writing or calculating. Others are larger and provide different types of stimulation and feedback over the whole body, like weighted or vibrating materials; or furniture that allows the child to move more freely than your average desk set-up, like swings, balance boards, mini-trampolines or exercise balls to sit on.
There are some stores/websites that sell fidgets and sensory materials, like the Therapy Shoppe (which separates their fidgets into categories like alert fidgets, calming fidgets, silent fidgets, and tactile fidgets), Fat Brain Toys, Sensory University, and Sensory Edge, and these are great if you can afford them.
But when homeschooling, you’re often on a budget and even inexpensive fidgets can seem out of reach when you’re not sure what things your child might like. Since I can relate to that, I thought I’d put together a list of fidgets that are easily ‘found’ or made at home.
Starting with small fidgets:
- spring/spiral (plastic, taken from an old spiral bound book or notebook and cut into pieces. Those spiral shoelaces also work well as a fidget.)
- Lego tree (round, though I’m sure the conical ones would work just as well – lovely for palming and twiddling)
- velcro dots (sticky-backed ones can be applied to the underside of the desk)
- clothespins (alone or can be used with clip-ins like a bundle of rubber bands, a few bent chenille sticks, yarn or other something to make a ‘brush’)
- soft bristled paintbrushes or jumbo makeup brushes (feel nice on cheeks, over eyes and lips)
- skinny balloons (stretchy and can go onto fingers – but don’t let them chew on them!)
- foam stress ball (often given out free at conferences, fairs, doctor’s offices, the mall…)
- filled stress ball (the dollar store often has squeeze balls; there’s one called a ‘blob ball’ with a net outside that lets the inner part bulge out of that is both disgusting and fascinating; or you can make them from big latex party balloons filled with sand, moon sand, powder, modeling clay, rice, beans, poly pellets, or a combination of things for long-term use (can double balloon and tie for a little extra protection). If you’re looking for other textures, you can fill them with peanut butter, pudding, tapioca, jell-o, etc (but these are, for obvious reasons, disposable after a day or two).
- worry stones made from polymer clay (or air-dry glue/cornstarch clay, also called ‘cold porcelain clay’) or rocks
- aluminum discs (made from the bottoms of coke cans – Use tin snips to cut the rounded bottoms of a coke can out, then put them together, convex sides out and seal the edges by gluing and then burnishing, or with tape on the outside. Use sandpaper to smooth and finish the edges. It makes a lovely palm-sized convex disc that feels good in your hand.)
- butterfly/triangle paper clips (can put several together on a binder ring)
- a long bolt with a rubber band on the open end and loose nut to twist up and down (metal or you can find plastic ones in the plumbing section of the hardware store)
- put a rubber band on a pencil, slide on some metal hex-nuts towards the top end and add another rubber band. The pencil is weighted and the nuts are twistable. Also works on crayons and markers)
- mini rain stick (toilet paper tube or even smaller diameter cardboard tube, nails and rice/beans and masking tape)
- egg shaker (re-use those old plastic Easter eggs – fill with rice, beans, poly beads, BB’s or anything similar and seal with tape. You can papier-mache for extra security)
- bean bag (scrap material and dry beans/lentils/rice/poly pellets)
- poly pellet (single to roll between index finger and thumb)
- teethers (especially gel-filled ones and ones with ‘nubbies’ on them; Sophie the giraffe is fun to chew on as well)
- rubber bands (tie a bunch together, then snip all but one of the loops to make a ‘koosh’ type ball
- tape measure with a button re-winder
- Rubik’s cube
For larger stimulation, we have used:
- weighted lap blanket (I made them from a fat quarter of fabric and filled with poly pellets from the craft store)
- noise cancelling earphones
- foam ear plugs
- vibrating neck pillow
- yoga ball
- rolling pin on the floor (under desk, for feet)
- yoga
- balance board (can be made from a 24″ long piece of 1″x 6″ scrap board with a 1″x 1″ half round piece of molding nailed to the underside. Sand the edges and let your child paint and decorate it. The child stands with feet on the outer edges and balances the board up on the round.)
- weighted hula hoop (can be made by cutting open a regular hula hoop and adding steel ball bearings and taping back together)
- sensory steps (in our version, I made a couple of sheets of 8.5 x 14 paper with eight 4″x3″ squares of sensory material – just enough to ‘toe’ and small enough to fit under the best. Ours include sandpaper, lentils, elbow macaroni, faux-fur fabric, shredded plastic, rubber bands, toothpicks, crinkled aluminum foil, yarn, Easter grass, egg shells, lego bricks, shredded newspaper, terry cloth, and pantyhose.
- rice sock (tube sock filled with rice; can be knotted every few inches to provide more even distribution and/or a different ‘feel’; also can be filled with lavender or other herbs and rice, and heated to make a warm aromatherapy weight)
- meditation/mind jar
- 2lb hand weights (also works to roll with feet on the floor)
- yoga block (for feet to manipulate)
- weighted tube (a paper towel tube with a spent D cell battery in it. Close both ends of the tube with cotton balls (for cushion) and tape. Tilt back and forth gently to let the battery slide from one end to the other. It has a nice ‘thunk’ to it.)
- sensory tubs (usually used for younger kids, but are very useful for older kids with SPD)
- sensory bottle /science bottles
- sound therapy: white noise; thunderstorm; fireplace/thunderstorm are all amazing and vary in length.
- alpha wave sound therapy on low volume over headphones. You can record this video/sound, then put it on an ipod and loop it for however long you need it for. Once is almost 10 minutes. Any sound therapy we use with headphones for maximum effect.
We use or have used most of these (not all at once, obviously). Different things seem to work at different times, and I’ve noticed that even my younger son (who is not ADHD) seems to focus better when allowed an outlet, so even though these types of tools and activities are ‘for’ kids with attention or sensory issues, they can definitely be of use to children without them as well.
What are some of your cheap/handmade sensory tools?
Warmly,
~h
NBTS Blog Hop: Day-in-the-Life Week, Part 1: A Not So Great Day
This week in the Not Back to School Blog Hop at Heart of the Matter online, they’re doing ‘day in the life’ posts. I’ve done DITL photo posts in previous blogs, but I’ve never done one here. That reminds me…
{Note to self: Do a photo DITL and post it here!!}
We started a new system today – a modification of Sue Patrick’s workboxes - and it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
Actually, it was an utter disaster.
This is what I posted to my support group on Facebook this morning at about 9:45:
Starting workboxes this morning… anyone else doing them? So far, one child is done with one box and on to the second, the other is dragging his precious little feet and I want to strangle him. I’m trying NOT to be pushy-mom though – we have the pool fixed (FINALLY) and the promise of swimming when all the days’ work is done, so I am TRYING to keep my trap shut and let him work at his own pace, but it’s positively killing me not to say ‘HURRY UP!!!’ at this moment, LOL. Gold star for me
We’ve been doing it, kinda without the boxes, but I am tired of it taking ALL FRAKKING DAY. My kids dawdle – a LOT and it’s making me resentful because what SHOULD take 15 minutes is taking 2 hours.
I got the boxes in the hope that having clear cut “start, pause, stop” visual tools would help and so far – not so much. I don’t know if it’s just a sucky Monday or what, but I am about done with this today. We’ll give it a good run before I give up on the system though. It’s always been a challenge to get LBB to do his work, so this may be too much autonomy for him. We’ll see…. if it doesn’t work, then we’ll try something else
<snip>
I loaded up their boxes with instructions and materials, then they work through at their own pace (ideally, that pace is faster than the tortoise-pace that my kids are currently channeling). Some things are ;work with mom’, some are group activities (I am unclear about how those will work though). I am hoping that this will help them be more independent, more responsible (time management) and more motivated since they don;t have to wait on anyone else to get to ‘their own’ work. I also envision more one-on-one – my kids are so close in age that I often assign the same thing, which leaves little room for one-on one unless I’m helping with something (and then the other kid has to wait…) so I am staggering their boxes so that I am helping one while the other works independently – at least that’s the plan.
Ahhh… you know, that’s the thing about plans. They have this awful tendency not to work out the way you’d hoped.
Considering the kind of day we’ve had, I thought about not participating in this week’s blog hop until we’ve had a ‘good’ day. Then I thought about it and decided that many – if not most – of the posts will be about how great the first day of school was. Then I thought about how only showing the ‘good’ side of homeschooling is not really painting an accurate picture and figured I’d chronicle what a ‘bad’ homeschooling day is like. For us, anyway.
I will add some disclaimers:
- this is in no way a ‘typical’ day for us. We’re starting workboxes and this was the first day of a totally new system for my kids – one with a lot more autonomy than they’re used to and we’re all adjusting.
- today is not our first day ‘back’ to school – we school all year round, 4 weeks on, 1 week off. This is week 3 for us in the schedule.
- today was a long day – it was longer because of the choices the kids made, but it would have been longer than normal anyway since this is a home day.
- we had some family drama that cut into our school time, which made for a situation where the kids were ‘allowed’ to make bad choices. Added to the stress of an already busy day, it just made things that much worse.
- We started off at 9AM – well, 9:07AM. A teensy bit late, but that’s all right. I made up the kids workboxes the day before, so they’re all ready to get started. Up first, copywork: 2 paragraphs from a chapter book of your choice. PeaGreen (8y/ 3rd grade) chose Scooby Doo and LBB (9.5y/ 4th grade) chose a Batman book.
- 10AM – still on copywork.
- 11AM – LBB on box 2 (math), Mommy loses her schmidt a little bit because Peagreen is still on copywork.
- 12:PM – Lunch
- 1PM: LBB on box 3 (reading comp. and writing assignment) and then a break, Peagreen still on copywork.
- 2PM: LBB on box 4 (reading independently for 20 minutes (which lasted an hour because of the temper tantrum about how unfair it is to have to read aloud… ), Mommy loses her schmidt dealing with that and also the fact that Peagreen is still workin’ on those same two paragraphs.
- 3PM: Tea Time, then box 5 for LBB (math game), and Peagreen’s back at that same frakking copywork.
- 4PM: Break and do history (box 10) and NVC (box 8) for everyone… about 20 minutes each, then back to their boxes – LBB on box 6 (spelling), PeaGreen FINALLY on to box 2 (math). (Hooray!!)
- 5PM: Loverly Husband arrives home, then leaves to help his granfmother with some honey-do’s around her house. LBB on box 7 (Latin), then box 11 (math drill. PeaGreen on box 3 (reading comp & writing assignment).
- 6PM: LBB on box 11 still, PeaGreen on box 4 (reading 20 minutes) and box 7 (Latin).
- 7PM: Dinner and clean up – prepare for an overnight guest. Kids get super excited and take up the living room rug, shaking out fine-grit dirt all over the ENTIRE living room. Le sigh.
- 8PM: LBB on box 11, PeaGreen on box 11 (Lang. Arts)
- 9PM: box 12 – origami project with Mom
- 10PM: LBB finishes up box 11, PeaGreen finishes box 9 (geography and math drill that he skipped earlier in the evening) while Mom packs boxes for tomorrow (only 7 boxes though, it’s a field trip day).
- 11:22PM – kids are teeth brushed-and-in-bed and I am writing this up with intent to post momentarily.
I don’t know if this is where the boxes will stay long-term… we’re still working on logistics. Right now, they’re under/in front of the chalkboard, which makes it difficult to access.
Until I figure this system out, I hand-wrote on index cards the assignment (copywork/journal/writing in box 1) and then a ‘done’ card. If we keep this system, I’ll eventually make pretty laminated cards and have everything typed up neatly with spiffy graphics. I confess, it’s killing me to use handwritten, non-laminated things. I cringe every time I touch one of them.
The ‘done’ cards have a message on the back – words of encouragement, lets them know that it’s time for a break or time to do chores. I am also still working on getting the timing down – Ideally, each box is 20/30 minutes with breaks every hour (or as needed). ‘Work the system, don’t let the system work you’ – such is my mantra.
When they’re done with the box, the cards go into the pockets. I collect them at the end of the day and fill the boxes with the next day’s materials. I have a worksheet that I am using and have filled out a weeks’ worth of boxes so all I have to do is refer to the sheet. Seeing it all laid out makes it easier to spot holes and patterns (I hope).
Like I said, this is all new for us. I am not terribly happy with today’s experiment, but I don’t think that one day is enough to decide if it’s working or not. We’ll give it the rest of the week and see what we’ve got.
I normally close my posts with something to the effect of ‘hope you enjoyed reading about our day’, but somehow that doesn’t seem appropriate today. I do hope that reading this helps dispell the notion that we homeschooling parents have it all together, or that we have perfect little kids with perfect homeschooling days. Some days are just disastrous, but that’s okay – that’s life.
After all, tomorrow is another day! {/ Scarlett O’Hara impression}
Warmly,
~h
Giving From the Heart – NVC Week 1
So, like I mentioned before, we’re adding NVC to our list of ‘required’ subjects. This is a 13-week course, and ideally, I’ll be posting once a week with an update. For the previous NVC post, check here. (Yikes – talk about putting it off – the first post was back in November of last year. {hangs head in guilt and shame})
Moving on, here are my thoughts on Chapter One. Let’s start with a few questions from this week’s chapter:
What is the purpose of NVC (as it applies to me)?
What is meant by ‘NVC is more than a process or a language’?
What are some areas or ways that MVC can be used in (my) life and community?
What draws me to NVC? What is it that I deeply wish for my life and my world?
I’ll get to the questions in a sec, but first I wanted to talk about the ‘connecting to how I feel in this moment’ exercises. Over the last few months, I’ve really been trying to take better care of myself mentally and emotionally. Every day, I take a few minutes to meditate and stretch and just ‘be’. I think that this type of centering time has helped me be more calm and bale to respond more effectively to the kids. I also am enjoying the time to myself – even if it’s only a few minutes.
I will say that working on the suggested childhood back-tracking and being honest and connected to how I feel about things is difficult and sometimes painful. This is not an experience or lesson that I particularly enjoyed… and then saying that makes it sound like I had a harsh or bad childhood. Not so, but I guess the exercise is designed to look at the roots of whatever communication malfunctions one has now by focusing on the negatives from the past. Without justifying, I can honestly say that there are definitely patters that were laid that need to change. I’ve always known that I wanted to do things differently than my parents did, and that caused some disharmony in my family when the kids were younger. Now that they’re older, we still do things very differently, but I can see where improvements need to be made – I find myself in the uncomfortable position of knowing what I don’t want to do, but lacking the know-how to achieve what I do want.
My main interest and goal in learning and applying NVC is multi-purpose: both to improve my own connection and motivation for how and why I communicate, and to set a good example/improve the communication and compassion with my husband and my kids. I also feel that my kids are approaching the age where they need to be learning how and why the ‘right course’ of action is so, and to choose it willingly because it is right. Parents can only enforce the rules for so long; at some point the kids have to start making those kinds of decisions for themselves. I really want to focus on that part of it – getting them in touch with obligation, responsibility and actions. I do think that people, children in particular, are born with the desire to help. So learning how to approach requests with the aim of helping someone appeals to me.
I see a lot of areas for improvement; I feel like I am not communicating effectively or compassionately sometimes, and it bothers me. I also see how my family communicates (or doesn’t, as the case may be) and that is not a cycle I wish to perpetuate with my own kids (any longer). I think that learning new techniques now will be beneficial – and easier for my children to learn and implement now, while the foundations of communication are still being forged, than to have to attempt changing them as adults as I am trying to do.
I’m not an expert, and I may not fully understand right now, but I think that NVC as a process is about connecting with your own motivations and needs and learning how to effectively communicate them with requests for actions that allow them to be met. I use sarcasm as a defense and an attack. I also use it in good clean fun, but I hide behind it as well. I’m teaching my kids through example, intentionally or not, and though I enjoy a dry wit and cutting remark just as much as the next guy, I don’t want that to be their primary form of communication.
At the same time, I don’t want to be or feel or seem all loopy and open and hippie-dippy the way that I perceive many NVC-type people to be. I am fully aware that this is a perception, not necessarily reality – I remember pre-children, how naive and ill-informed I was about so many things – and how my perceptions were colored before I had kids of my own; I can imagine that this is a similar situation and perception. It will be interesting to come back in a few months and read this and see if my perception has changed. I did want to document it though, as an experiment of sorts.
There are a lot of examples in the book of what a person says – the words that they use. I’ve made a list of some of the ones I like or
think I might use to help myself remember them. I wasn’t raised with this type of language (refered to as ‘giraffe’) so using it does not come naturally to me. It’s effort. My instinctual response – and usually the wrong response – is much more emotionally seated and dramatic. Keeping calm is helpful, remembering in the heat of the moment to remain calm is virtually impossible somewhat difficult.
I re-created this poster in MSWord and printed out a page to hang at my desk and at both of the kids’ desks. Little reminders do help! It might seem silly to have behavior reminders (for Mom) up throughout the house, but I need them just as much as the kids do, and I’ll take all the help I can get!
Resources for new-to-NVC:
- NVC Academy - not a free site, but they do have some free tools and ideas of what to do or make if you prefer to make your own.
- NVC Key Ingredients - if you’re interested in NVC and don’t have the book, this is a basic outline of the process. Helpful for a reference if you print it out.
The Meanest Homeschool Mom
And thus has the devil-may-care, relaxed lifestyle to which my children have become accustomed come to an abrupt end.
Recently, some of the parents that I share a homeschooling discussion chat list with were talking about being overwhelmed as a homeschooling parent. I was going to chime in, but decided to put my contribution in blog form and post it here, because it would be a long post and I enjoy monopolizing the conversation.
It seems like since my FIL died, we’ve been thrown off kilter. For whatever reason (nothing directly related to his death – just the time frame), we have not been able to get back into a good, consistent daily routine. I came to the realization that we have simply got to make some changes around here a week or two ago when I lost my schmidt ( with a nod and a wink to Rants from Mommyland) after dealing with whiney, uncooperative and lazy children for several days in a row. I need to clarify that this wasn’t a mere moment of frustration; this was the final straw on a huge pile of hay. I completely and utterly lost it and in one of those spectacular displays of Mommy Mayhem, announced to the children that a New World Order had arrived.
From now on, I declared, there would be no more luxuries they have come to expect – no recreational television viewing, no video games, no dsi playing. It wasn’t that they are ‘grounded’. Being ‘grounded’ implies a punishment of some sort that, after whatever time limits have passed, shall be lifted. No, I explained in the Mommy Has Had It voice, this is more that they are simply no longer have any of those privileges. At all. And so shall it remain until I see a dramatic and sustained improvement in attitude and application of self to schoolwork and basic picking up after self-ness.
This may seem a bit extreme to some, but Loverly Husband and I see this as an overall positive step for our family. It got to the point that I was outright angry irritated all the time about having to try to get the kids to do their work and pick up the mess they made. They’re not incapable, they’re unwilling – and that doesn’t work for me. It seemed like every day, I was cajoling and pleading and threatening and bargaining with them to accomplish even the most basic of assignments, or reminding them several times to do a task (like: put your shoes on the shelf. – 15 minutes later – Put your shoes on the shelf. -15 minutes later – PUT YOUR SHOES ON THE FRAKKIN’ SHELF!) and then whining when I say that they can’t play/watch/do until XYZ is done (but Mooooom… that’s not fair!!). That sense of entitlement and no work ethic was buggin’ the crap outta me.
We tried things before this: chore charts, a stapled packet of school work, timers, attaching chores to money/video game time – nothing has worked consistently. And no matter what I asked or required, there was always – always – something that had to be done before they could do whatever task (no matter how small). LBB is the Champion of Stall and his tactics are legion. When the physical stall tactics run out, he has mental check-outs that he engages in, better and deeper than anyone I’ve ever seen. Makes me insane.
So we took a drastic step to see if we can curb some of that. We’re two weeks in, and though The Stall is still around, I’m in a better mood and we’re accomplishing more school work (though it still takes LBB all day sometimes). We are using the timer still – a reasonable amount of time is given for an assignment and when the timer dings, we move on. If you haven’t finished it, then that’s your ‘homework’ – for you to do on YOUR time while the rest of us are enjoying whatever leisure activity we have planned for that day. Doing it this way sucks for whoever is indulging in The Stall on their school time, but doesn’t punish the one who did do his work that day (and amazingly, they both have their days – it’s like Goofus and Gallant tag-teaming Mom most days… le sigh). It also keeps me from feeling resentful at having to skip whatever field trip we’d planned on doing – we don’t skip it; approximately 137% of our field trips are in some way school-related and I don’t want to skip them because someone prefers to make sound effects rather then write his paper. What this means is that someone may have to do his remaining schoolwork that evening while the rest of us play, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles, Chief. I’ve been stressing Time Management in a big way lately and though the situation looks bleak, I remain hopeful that this lesson will one day sink in.
The other, known but forgotten, benefit to the ‘no TV’ thing is that I just plain enjoy my children more when there is not a constant stream of television in the background. It’s not like they’re allowee to watch all that much to begin with, but I know how convenient TV can be, and I am not above letting the TV engage the kids for an hour while I get a break from the never-ending chorus of mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom. I’ve realized it in the past when we’ve banned TV for whatever reason, but it’s always surprising to see how much more creative and more willing to try new creative things when they aren’t mentally calculating how much longer it will be before they can watch TV or play that next level.
Like I said, we’re two weeks in, and though life is not perfect, I think we’re on the right path. They’re slow to adjusting, but they don’t ask ‘now can we watch TV?’ 6,000 times a day, so I’m calling that progress.
Warmly,
~h (aka: The Meanest Homeschool Mom)
Things that are Not Banned: bike riding, board games, swimming/slip-n-slide/sprinkler play, play dough/modeling clay and other sculpting mediums, wood carving and burning, helping Grandmother and Grammie and Gramps (all of whom live next door), visiting with friends, going to the park, fishing, hiking, art journaling, reading, trampoline – anything that requires physical or mental effort, engages the mind, body and spirit… so I’m not a total ogre.
Confessions About Art and Science
After the upset of last week’s family drama, we’ve managed to get back to a remnant of our normal glorious schedule this week. I know I’ve griped about this before, but why, oh, why must there always be those couple of days of sheer hell to re-establish our normal schedule? We can manage a weekend just fine, and we can usually go back with only a minimum of hassle after a true ‘break’, but when there is an unscheduled interruption, it just throws everything off kilter. As ever, the first day is ok, but the second day… grrrr. ‘It must be Tuesday’ has as much meaning for us as a family as it does for Buffy fans.
Now that we’re back in school, there’s a part of me that really wants us to be where we would be lesson-wise if we hadn’t taken off. In school-school, I’d have said ‘screw you and your make-up work’ and let the kids fall back into place – I’m sure they’d have adapted and glossed over whatever was missed and would probably be none the worse off for it.
However, as a homeschooling family, there is no ‘gloss over’. Ever. We focus on mastery, so when we take off, especially unscheduled breaks, the planner adapts and we pick up where we left off. But the OCD record-keeper in my brain keeps pointing to the planner and screaming, ‘LOOK!! We should be starting lesson 4 this week – not in the beginning of through lesson 3!!!” and having a panic attack. I keep trying to shut her up with coffee, but she’s a persistent little brat. I blame it on not being allowed to have a Trapper Keeper when I was younger.
In amongst all of this internal turmoil comes the dilemma of how to fit in the essential electives. I call them ‘essential electives’ because even though they’re elective (as in ‘not core’), I still think they’re very important… though not as important as the core lessons. But still very important! That said, it’s been a while since we’ve really had time for art work. I confess, I hardly ever don’t always make time for art. It seems superfluous much of the time, and as much as I know, intellectually, that spending time on art work and art lessons is time well spent in rounding our my kids’ education, it seems less important a lot of the time when we’re struggling with mastering basic math concepts or grammar. I can’t possibly be the only homeschooling mom who feels this way, nor, I am sure, am I the only homeschooling mom who constantly finds herself resolving to block out time to spend on art this week. Okay, THIS week. No really, THIS week for sure!
Well, I can now style myself better than you because, though it took everything in me to let the other stuff go for a bit so we could focus on ART, by golly, we did it. As mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been art journaling lately, and with all of my art stuff sitting out just begging to be used, I decided to make good use it and of some older books by showing the boys how to make altered book art journals using paint and collage. And it was ever so much fun! We may not have gotten around to finishing the day’s core lessons, but since we’re 4 weeks into school and have done essentially nothing that was pure art, I’d say it was an excellent use of our time.
The boys take piano lessons almost every day with my grandmother (who lives next door), so it’s not as though their lives are devoid of The Arts. We also cover some art history (or at least the evolution of art) in our history lessons and some in our literature lessons, so they’re getting the instructional/academic part to some degree – but the actual hands-on, putting pencil or paint to paper gets lost in the shuffle of ‘real’ school work, I am sad to say. It is my newfound resolve to make time for more creative goodness with my kids over the next few weeks. I’d love to say ‘maybe a little every day’, but that might be a little unrealistic. As much as I enjoy artsy-craftsy stuff, the kids aren’t always interested. So, note to self: Balance, woman! Achieve it!
Science projects also tend to get shuffled to the back burner. Part of it is the time it takes to set up and clean up, but that’s mostly just an excuse and I know it. I have had a book called Jr. Boom Academy for years and we’ve done some of them; most are little projects that are quick and easy and can be done with little to no prep (which I like). We’re not coordinating all of our science projects to our science lessons necessarily, though I am sure at some point they will overlap; ‘getting’ to do these fun little mini-experiments is more a fun reward for a day well-managed, time-wise.
Today, after the majority of our core lessons were complete, we made pseudo-putty from white glue, food coloring and borax. The book called for things like pipettes and measuring; we winged it and it turned out fine. I guess I am going to have to invest in a couple of junior science/chemistry kits if we’re going to persist in this homeschooling business. If you have one that you love, please recommend in the comments. I’ve been looking and haven’t found one that looks ‘right’.
Our homeschool group is planning a trip to the Texas Regional Homeschool Science Fair in Houston in April, not to compete, but to get the kids excited about the process, then our group is hosting our own ‘show and tell’ science fair in June. I’m really looking forward to exploring more kid-friendly projects and working with the boys on the method so that they’ll be prepared for June, and for next year’s Science Fair.
So now that I’ve fessed up about my weaknesses publicly, hopefully that will help keep me accountable. Ask me about this post in a few weeks, lol.
Warmly,
~h
Motivation
Someone found my blog by searching ‘homeschooling and completely demotivated‘ and it got me thinking…
Motivation is one of those areas for me that on some days, it strikes hard. I feel good, I’m enthusiastic and eager, the day swims by quickly and I feel productive and accomplished at the end of the day (today is one such day). Other days, it feels like every action is a chore, I have to push and pull and prod the kids (and myself) to do every little task and the job of ‘homeschooling mom’ just seems overwhelming.
Balance is a wonderful thing and maybe it’s personality or lack of organization or time management, but I seem to have little of it in the day-to-day – things tend to swing from one extreme to the other a lot of the time. In some ways that’s a good thing. It feels like we’re following the natural ebb and flow of life.When inspiration strikes, I tend to gorge myself on whatever interest is catching my eye, then put it down until interest sparks again. That’s a ‘natural’ rhythm for me, and how I learn best.
In other ways though, I question the validity of this mindset as a style of homeschooling. It seems like a bad thing because I feel like there should be some level of consistency to our days. I feel like when we stick to a more regular and balanced schedule, there’s not a rush to ‘catch up’, and it seems like the kids are more focused on what we’re doing. Now, whether that’s a ‘truth’ for us or just a feeling I have remains to be seen. Letting the natural wax and wane of interest seems to sound like unschooling to me, and obviously that is a completely viable homeschooling style for some people. As drawn to the idea of it as I am, I haven’t gotten to the point where I am willing to jump in whole-hog with it… yet. Maybe one day.
When I find myself lacking motivation, one of the ways I try to inspire myself is by shaking things up. As I’ve mentioned before, we rarely stick with the same thing for very long (same area of study, yes – we just hit it from different ends, sources, materials, projects, etc). That gives us a fresh look at and a new direction to come from on the material we’re covering. I also find that a change of scenery does wonders; if we’re having a wretched day, we’ll pick up and go to the library or to a museum – anything as long as we’re out of the house for a bit. Ideally, whatever we’re studying will come into play for this excursion, but really the change in locale is the key. I’ve often just packed our books into the Big Red Bag (that’s what I call the spacious red alligator bag that I got from my Grandmother on one of her cleaning sprees… it’s amazing!) and we just moved ‘school’ to somewhere else, often with a similar good outcome. Fresh air also is a fine motivator – my kids enjoy working or reading outside so when the weather is nice, we’ll bring school into the yard.
We also take frequent breaks. I am learning to prepare my kids for the next segment of the lesson by telling them what we’ll be doing or giving them a specific question to think about while on a break. Letting them free to roam and run for a few minutes with a task seems to be an effective re-focusing technique for them. It also gives me a few minutes to myself to prepare for the next part of the lesson or check Facebook (I won’t lie, lol).
That’s another carrot that I dangle in front of myself – working on whatever project I have in the back of my mind. Lately, it’s been preparing for our upcoming Teacher’s Retreat in January, and getting the groundwork laid for the Texas Secular Homeschooling Network.
What are your best motivating tips?
Warmly,
~h
Socializing With ‘Normal’ Kids
If there’s one area of interest that I share with Christian Homeschoolers, it’s the desire to have a strong social network of like-minded peers for my children.
I want my kids to see other families placing importance on issues that we feel strongly about. I want them to see and hear the things that we believe reinforced in their peers’ actions, conversations and beliefs. I want my kids to know and interact with other people out there who share our world-view and mindset. I feel that this is a key point in helping my children find their place in the world.
Unfortunately, living a secular lifestyle in the Bible Belt makes that desire somewhat challenging to fulfill. Though we have an active secular homeschooling support group, we’re far from the majority. ’Normal’ people around here attend a Christian-based church. Most people admit, and prefer, that their primary social network is deeply rooted in the church. Even people who don’t attend church regularly espouse some religious preference or bias and still tend to form relationships with people who share an affinity for their chosen religious leanings. Though religious diversity is finally starting to trickle down this far south the vast majority of people, especially in the homeschooling community, are of a Christian denomination.
For the most part, that’s fine. Like most ‘normal’ people, our family places importance on being fair and considerate, being respectful to and of others, being a good neighbor and continuing to ‘better’ ourselves, and on other basic ethical principles. But that’s really where the similarities end.
We don’t place emphasis on the Bible or any other ‘holy book’. We respect that other people do, but it is far from an infallible source of authority in our home. When there’s a question, we don’t ask ‘what would Jesus do’, we talk about how doing XYZ ‘feels’ or how that might impact you in the future, or look to history to see how a similar action turned out. When faced with questions that can’t be answered, we emphasize that it is okay not to know all the answers and again encourage focusing inwardly to explore how different paths feel for you as an individual. We feel that it’s our job to guide them on their journey, not direct them on a path.
It’s just as important to me to have these concepts reinforced in my children’s social circle as it is for your average ‘normal’ mom to want her ideals echoed in her children’s peer group. It’s even more important when the issues are more complicated; things like LGBT rights, family planning and reproductive rights, sex education and sexual activity, language, censorship… there are many issues that we feel differently about than your average bear. It worries me that my children might be deemed a ‘bad influence’ when they’re around ‘normal’ kids just because of differences in opinion on what ‘right’ is. My children recognize injustice and hate, even when it’s painted with the church’s brush, and aren’t afraid to decry it. Some people find that offensive and though I feel that’s their issue and not ours, justifying wrong as ‘right’ in the name of religion is not something I want my kids exposed to.
So how does one go about establishing connections with like-minded people? The internet, of course! Something I have been looking for, and finding, is other secular and inclusive groups in my area. Granted, my ‘area’ has grown to include cities over 3 hours away, but still. There are more than a couple of close-ish groups that specifically call to homeschooling families that eschew the stereotype and not only are ‘secular’ but have members who practice religions other than Christianity.
I believe that making these connections now, while my kids are young, will afford them opportunities when they’re older. Expanding my reach and field of vision is important if I want them to think and live globally. I feel that the key to respect is exposure – exposure to differences of viewpoint and lifestyles that challenge their concept of ‘normal’; exposure to art, literature, ideas, beliefs and religions that aren’t represented or respected in our community. It is important to me that my children learn to look beyond external extensions of their peers and see the person as a whole; to find what is similar instead of what is different.
I’m fortunate to have found a local community of like-minded families to spend time with. I am glad that my children have friends who are being raised similarly, whose parents answer questions with the same sort of mindfulness that I strive to consider when replying. As the secular homeschooling community expands, I look forward to meeting other parents who share that world view, and the additional opportunities that will be available through those connections. Very fortunate, indeed.
Warmly,
~h
It’s Not All Fun and Games
You know how when you’re in labor and the contractions just get stronger and stronger and no matter what you do, they just keep coming – wave after wave after wave and you just can’t seem to catch your breath?
Yeah – welcome to my day without the satisfying feeling of a job well done and reward of a nursling at your breast at the end of it all.
I know I’ve griped many times in the past about Mondays, but they just seem to always be the worst sort of challenge in our house. I usually start the week off with a sense of anticipation. It’s a new week, a new beginning – time to get back into the groove of daily life. Today was no different; I was ready to get back into the swing of things after the long and busy (and really fun) holiday weekend. We’re going to the Texas Renaissance Festival tomorrow, so I wanted to at least cover some of the basics, maybe start a lapbook on the Renaissance, just to get the kids acquainted with the time frame and prepare them for the things they might see tomorrow. It’s an awesome event and I am really looking forward to going.
We got off to a pretty good start. I found a lapbook model on HsKube’s Haven at Home that I liked and thought we could use as a base – we ended up starting with the castle and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. We measured and drew the lines to make the curtain walls and parapets, then added the merlons so that the walls were crenelated (yes, I learned those words while making the lapbook. neener-neener) Of course, when it was time to color them, you’d have thought I was torturing them. Coloring. Not writing. Coloring. Apparently, a fate worse than death.
In my searches for cool Renaissance-y stuff, I also found a couple of YouTube videos on castles that were pretty cool. We watched them a couple of times, and then found some Renaissance music to listen to while they finished coloring. The boys thought the dancing was lame, but the music was cool; we’ll have to see if they adjust that view tomorrow when they see the people dancing in real life.
After that, we did a timeline, noting some of the famous events and people from the Renaissance, the clothing and lives of the people during the Renaissance period and went a little bit into the history of the events leading up to the Renaissance. We’re not done with the lapbook yet, but we made good progress on it despite the lack of enthusiasm on the part of certain small people in my house.
What made the day so horribly trying was that mingled in all this learning goodness was constant bickering between the children. Each of them seemed to go out of their way today to bait and tease and deliberately be ugly to the other. It was driving me insane… I did send each of them several times to go do a chore or other assignment in separate rooms so that I could have a moment’s peace; unfortunately, that didn’t seem to help much today. It’s better now; more on an even keel. The kids are fed and bathed and in bed and I’m sure tomorrow will be great {prayer} oh, please let it be great!! {/prayer}
I wrote this out partially because I needed to vent, and partially to dispel any lingering notions that homeschooling is always perfect and fun and filled with creative learning. There was a moment just after my Loverly Husband came home that I was washing dishes and I was seriously considering throwing in the towel and quitting this homeschooling business. (Yes, homeschooling moms are allowed to think that sometimes.)
It’s a fantasy though, and I know it is unrealistic. We had the same kind of problem when the boys were in school – worse, actually – they get along much better now than they did in school. It just seems so much more… well, MORE when they’re with you and you’re with them all day. Homeschooling doesn’t usually allow me the luxury of sending them away for hours at a time; they have to be with me so that they can get and do their work. I don’t even get to ‘tune out’ most of the time because we’ve taught them that we’re hands-on parents… my guys demand that time, and most of the time it’s satisfying and joyfully given to them. But homeschooling or not, there are days when you wish you could get out your contract and renegotiate what you signed on for.
Warmly,
~h
Religion Matters!
Something that’s come to my attention as a homeschooling mom that I didn’t notice as a ‘classroom mom’ is that religion matters. Not to me, but to the homeschooling community in general. It even matters to the people in your community as a whole since once they learn you’re homeschooling, they automatically assume that you’re one of the denim jumper moms (even though my blacker-than-thou’s teeshirt, ripped jeans and coordinating black nail polish do their best to discourage that assumption).
As a parent with kids in school-school, my religion never really entered the picture. I was raised in a faith where it was a big deal at the beginning of every year for my mom to sit down with the teacher and explain why I couldn’t participate in holidays and wasn’t going to be standing for or saying the pledge. Our church even had a special booklet that was designed just for teachers. Since I chose not to pursue that religion with my own children, there wasn’t any need to outline what I believed because there was nothing in my belief system that would ostracize or make my kids stand out so much that it required explanation. In school-school, it just doesn’t matter (unless you’re trying to skimp on the snacks for holiday parties – then you get the evil eye from the Room Mothers… but since I usually was one of the Room Mothers and usually first in line with holiday coordinated store-bought home-made goodies, that wasn’t really an issue for me.) Yeah, I was that mom. Even I hated me some days… I missed out on all that as a kid, so that had a lot to do with my motivation.
But, I digress… back to the subject at hand.
Fast forward to this past January, and my entry into the homeschooling community; though truthfully, I guess I should say ‘re-entry’. When I was in high school, my mom got fed up with the ‘security’ measures being taken at the local high schools, and decided that we would be homeschooling from then on. She was awesome in her organizational capabilities. I don’t think that there were very many organized homeschool groups back then, but she created one and planned field trips and all kinds of activities for the group.
Even before I had my first child, I knew that I wanted to homeschool my kids. Once my boys were pre-school aged, I started reaching out to the local, and by then far more organized, homeschooling community… and promptly got my hand slapped. Why? Because I was not the right flavor of Christian. At that time, I was indeed a Bible-toting, aspiring Titus 2 woman intent on honoring God by being a dutiful wife and committed mother, and homeschooling was just another step on that path.
The only problem was that I was not a ‘fundamentalist Christian’. I don’t know if these types exist in other places, but you can’t open a Bible ’round here without knocking into one of them, they’re so thick in the South. From what I can gather, the foundation of fundamentalists Christians seems to consist of making sure that their beliefs are in no way challenged, and a great deal of evangelizing with the goal of saving your heathen soul from the eternal flames of hell. Oh, I’m making light of it, of course, but these are some deeply religious folks and a great many of them are both honest and sincere in their belief that it is their duty to at least attempt to bring you to Jesus lest your blood be on their hands come Judgement Day. In some ways, I admire that kind of … faith? I don’t know what it is, really. I don’t want it for myself, or for my kids, but I am happy for them if it makes them so. But if I say that I’m not interested in hearing their message, I don’t think it’s too much to expect that I no longer be pressured to convert.
Since I was a ‘different’ kind of Christian, I was deemed unfit to join or participate in any of the already-formed groups in this area. Even my own religion frowned on inter-faith association, but as they also lacked a homeschooling support network (though homeschooling was pretty common among members of my religion) I was forced to look outside the fold to find support. I don’t know why it came as such a big surprise to be so completely cast out, but it did.
All I really wanted was a group that was inclusive and respectful of other types of Christian beliefs. I don’t care what you believe; I wasn’t looking for religious flavor in my kids’ education. I just wanted a group of homeschooling moms to talk with and learn from and hang out with when we had time. Most of the groups already formed here required members to sign a statement of faith (and still do). I wanted a more secularly based group so that the religion thing didn’t come up or create conflict. If there had been a secular group available, I’d have joined it in a second! But there wasn’t so it was either suffer in silence or start a new group. Once I thought about it, starting a group myself sounded more and more like a good idea. I could create a group with a more open-minded atmosphere so that I, and others like me, would be both welcome and comfortable participating without worrying about the religion factor.
And that’s pretty much the kind of group we have. Though we’re open to pretty much anyone, there is definitely a certain ‘type’ who would simply not be comfortable in our group. On one hand that bothers me. On the other, there are 5 (FIVE!!) Christian-based homeschooling support/co-op groups here – no 6 if you count the super-secret group that is by invitation only that I just learned about – so I think there’s plenty of support for that ‘type’. I don’t want to have an issue because my kid pulls out an h-e-double hockey sticks when he is wronged or wears a tee-shirt covered in skulls, or the conversation turns to last week’s True Blood or planning for a field trip to the local Buddhist Temple. We’re not trying to step on anyone’s toes, but we do recommend steel-toed boots if you’re going to hang with us. {wink}
It’s fascinating to me how much religion matters to the vast majority of homeschoolers out there; how dividing beliefs can be in this day and age. I thought we were moving more towards acceptance and respect as a society, not clinging to and even reinforcing the thoughts and ideas that segregate us along chosen lines. It’s just so odd to me that there are actually people out there who feel like having a non-religious person, or a person who is a different religion than they are, being around their kids is so dangerous and damaging to them that they create what is essentially a closed community within which to raise them. A community that they actively guard and protect against any thought or idea that might present options to their kids outside of those that they find acceptable. It’s sad, really. Those kids are every bit as oppressed as any other group of people who has been given only a certain portion of freedom or purposely limited in knowledge and access to information and experience. That is exactly the kind of environment that gives the homeschooling community such a bad reputation.
For me, homeschooling is partially about experiencing life outside the classroom. Classrooms have walls and boundaries that make it so difficult for a child to experience life as long as they have to be cooped up in one, and I certainly don’t want my homeschool to have barriers before my children because of my beliefs. I don’t think that closed-mindedness has any place in education. My religious beliefs have evolved quite a bit over the years and I’ve come to see belief as a fluid thing. It’s ever-changing in response to what life hands me and I’m fine with that. I tend to think that belief is a journey, not a destination; though I am sure that makes me a very scary lady to some. But you know what? As I said on SecularHomeschooling.com,
I’m awesome; my kids are awesome and if your beliefs don’t allow for the sunshine in my world to brighten yours, then I am not the one missing out {wink}
~h
Warmly,
~h
Making Friends… for Mom
One of the biggest challenges, by far, as a homeschooling mom has been finding time without the children. It’s a rare event that I get more than an hour or so to myself, and even that is maybe once a week.
Loverly Husband is nothing if not supportive, and is wonderful at giving me what time he can – if he runs to the store, he’ll take the kids with and he takes them to see his grandmother almost every weekend for an hour or so. He misses spending time with them (he works a lot), and it’s nice to have even a half hour to myself.
I can’t complain overmuch; this is the lifestyle we chose. We’ve actually worked hard to be able to keep me home with the kids and have re-arranged things for that to continue so we can homeschool, so it’s not that I don’t love my life – I do. But even the most dedicated mom needs a break now and then.
I realized the other day that all of my current friends have come into my life because they have children that are close my kids in age. I’ve met some through playgroup, some through La Leche League, some through my sons’ former school – but aside from my sisters, I literally have NO friends that have not come into my life that are not related in some way to my children.
I think that the children tend to be my main connection point with other women. How I raise my children – the ideals that we live by – these are key points in my life and I just can’t make friends that don’t share at least some of those ideals. It’s virtually impossible to have friends who don’t have children because they just don’t get why I can’t go and do stuff – it’s because of the kids, but not for the reason you think. I like my children. I enjoy spending time with them. They’re really awesome little dudes!
That said, yesterday afternoon was spent on a nice, long, moms-only break from the precious little darlings with SFK and PB&JMom, because if I did not get a few hours to myself, I really might lose my ever-loving mind. I find it amazing how much just those few hours (well, okay… 9, but who’s counting??) have refreshed my outlook and re-filled my patience bank. Loverly Husband is off this coming week, so we’re looking forward to days of family togetherness fun – but I am so glad I got a bit of a break before that!
Warmly,
~h
Workboxes, Week 1
I haven’t decided exactly how I feel about them yet. I’m thinking that we’ll give it another week and see how it goes. I am almost sure that the actual ‘box’ part is just adding an extra/unnecessary step; I’ve seen several versions of workboxing mods that use a single box or bin with manilla mailing envelopes to hold the work, and others that use hanging files, covered cereal boxes, and lots of other methods. Since we’re so limited on space, I am wondering if something like that might be better.
I am also going to have to figure out something else to do with the ‘done’ cards or tags… the process we have now feels like a bunch of extra steps that might be eliminated. I saw several people using velcro dots on the fronts of boxes (or on a sheet of paper inside the front of the box) to hold all the tags; I’m thinking that I might want to try that instead. I do like the chore cards though, so I may play around with that and see if I can come up with a better way to manage them. We have a chore chart in the hallway that I made months ago; we may go back to that style for a while.
Overall, I’m not sold on the system for us, but there are some things I like about it, so I’m not ready to scrap it just yet. I thought I’d do a pros and cons list this week and then re-evaluate next week. In the interests of disclosure, I will say that I have not read Sue Patrick’s book (creator of the workbox system), or attended any kind of lecture or class on them. I’ve just been reading about them since last year and checking out all the different mods and tweaks that I’ve seen in blogs and put my system together from what I’ve read. That may very well do Ms. Patrick a huge disservice, so please take my two cents on the matter with a spoonful of salt. {wink} I like the idea of the workboxes system. Ideally, it seems like allowing the kids to be completely responsible for their work makes me happy. I just don’t know how that will work out practically speaking with my kids.
Pros:
August 25, 2011 | Categories: Daily Review, Homeschooling Resources, Homeschooling Tips and Tricks, Lessons Learned, NVC, Product Review | Tags: commentary, homeschooling, homeschooling challenges, lesson planning, NVC, record keeping, schedule, SuperMom Complex, time spent in school, workboxes | 4 Comments »