Homeschooling is Hard
If you’d asked me when we started what the hardest part of homeschooling was, I’d have probably said something about the curriculum, or confidence. At the beginning of last year, it would have been ‘fitting everything in’ or making sure that they didn’t have too many gaps in their education’ – again confidence related with maybe a little scheduling thrown in.
Ask me now, going into our third year, what the biggest challenge of homeschooling is and I say it’s the time commitment; the never-ending constancy of being ‘on’. As either Mom or Teacher, I am on-stage from the moment they wake up in the morning to whenever they finally fall asleep in the evenings (despite the fact that bedtime is at 8PM and not including the occasional during-the-night call to action). I do normally get up around the same time Loverly Husband does in the morning since the kids have started sleeping a little later in the mornings – that gives me a little bit of coffee time alone – but not much.
When my kids were little, I was wholeheartedly committed to the principles of attachment parenting. I remember the kids pre-school years as fun and full of joy, and at that point, we were planning to homeschool so there was no change of scenery in sight. I was happy with that plan, but if I’m honest about it, I admit that there were lots of days that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in desperate need of a nanny, a maid, and an all-expense-paid vacation to somewhere with sparkling sand and cabana boys.
As much as I enjoy my life, and I do recognize that compared to some situations out there my life has been nothing but roses, there have definitely been a couple of breaking points over the years that meant major changes for our family. These changes were needed, but probably should have been addressed sooner than they were. Once they were made though, the benefit to our family happiness was noticeable.
Never one for a pristine-clean house, when the kids were little it was pretty much always a disaster area. With little ones running around, it was really hard to keep them entertained and out of trouble long enough to get any real cleaning done, and whatever I cleaned, they’d messy again when I was in the hallway putting the cleaning supplies away. Since the kids were my priority, the house suffered. When PeaGreen was about 3 and a half or so, after a fight with my Loverly Husband, we finally got on a good housekeeping schedule (and the mighty Household Bossy Book was born). He and I both had roles to fill and after discussing what we had, and what we wanted to change, we were both more aware of the responsibilities that came with keeping up ‘our family’s’ home. It belongs to both/all of us, and though I don’t mind a larger portion of the housekeeping being heaped onto my plate since I am here, even LH and the kids have their ’chores’.
Another breaking point came when the kids started school. I was working (unpaid), trying to get a doula business off the ground, and dealing with the constant in-and-out of school, homework, being an active PTO member and volunteer – it was a lot. Since I was gone so much, it was harder to keep up with all the housekeeping myself, and so the Bossy Book got re-vamped, with the kids taking on larger responsibilities as chores. Then, due to a variety of circumstances, including a tragic miscarriage, I decided to put my personal career goals on hold, and soon after that we started homeschooling.
One of the benefits to having the kids in school though – and one that I miss greatly at times – is the amount of time that I had to myself. From 8AM to almost 3PM, even though I was still ‘on call’ for the kids if needed, it’s not the same as having them underfoot all day, every day. The initial adjustments to homeschooling were all about the good – it was such a welcome change from what we had been dealing with that the day-to-day hadn’t set in yet. Even as much as a year or so later, I think we were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
A couple of months ago, I reached another breaking point. I was ready to quit; even went so far as to look up enrollment information for the kids to go back to school. Part of me was dead serious about it. Part of me was indulging in a fantasy. I was having a super bad day/week, and anything that wasn’t ‘here’ and ‘me’ was better than what we had going on – being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. And of course, the reality that going back to school would not solve any problems; in fact, it would only add new and more awful ones to my already stressed-out plate. And so again, a necessary argument discussion with Loverly Husband about what we had and what was and what was not working was called for. He actually had a day off planned that week, and normally when he’s home, we’re off. But after discussing it, we decided to have school anyway, and let him see how things normally went.
Having a visitor for the day was a good thing*. Having Dad here to actually experience the way that we normally do school and the tactics that our (brilliant, clever and witty) kids have developed to circumvent my methods actually did help. I don’t typically harp on ‘discipline’ with my kids, but this is one area where lack of discipline (meaning ‘adherence to a structure’ and ‘self-discipline’ rather than ‘punishment’) was lacking. Instead of sticking to scheduled time frames, I was allowing pleading and negotiation when there really shouldn’t be any. School work is not negotiable (unless it is – in which case, it is presented as such) and is not up for discussion. That’s not to say that I don’t take their wants and needs into consideration; anyone who works with kids knows that in general, they are comfort-led. They’d rather take the easy route and that’s usually not the same as hitting the books (minor note here about child-led learning; I prefer a more parent directed approach until the basics are covered and their foundation is strong, after which their education will be more interest and strength fine-tuned. YMMV {wink}). Having Dad here to see how things work (and don’t) was a big help; his level of understanding what my day is/can be like, while still not the same as being the primary teacher, is better after having been involved all day. His suggestions and discussion with the kids, as well, helped bring us back to an even keel.
Another facet of this multi-layered issue is me. I have/suffer from/deal with clinical depression issues, and though I wouldn’t normally describe myself as an anxious person, my current medication includes an anti-anxiety component that I am finding extremely helpful. I have been on and off of medication in the past and have known for some time that I needed to go back on them. I did last month and things have been improving. Adjusting to new medication is kind of like a box of chocolates; I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are few and manageable.
Just to clarify, this post isn’t just griping about homeschooling. My point in posting this is to dispel any notion of the ‘homeschoolers are perfect’ style stereotypes and to illustrate how we work through problems in our family. We’re launching into the beginning of our school year, so I wanted to present an open look at what homeschooling can be like on the inside.
Yesterday was our first day back, and we’ve made some adjustments for this year. We generally have an enjoyable routine, though there have been bumps (and will yet be more in the future), we are committed to homeschooling. Helping everyone in our family understand that, and what their roles are, is key to successfully navigating home life – and homeschooling.
Warmly,
~h
* for clarification purposes: calling Loverly Husband/Dad a ‘visitor’ is not meant to imply that he’s not an active part of our homeschooling. As a homeschooling mom, I require his support and participation – but his primary role in our family is provider; mine is child and household care – that’s just the division of labor. Though we both weigh in on the kids’ education, that also is primarily my responsibility to manage. Use of the term ‘visitor’ only implies that he is not normally physically present in day to day schooling with us.
Homeschooling, Year 2: Done!
We made it through our second year of homeschooling! We are officially done with this year (not this grade). Sorry for the lack of posting, but we’ve been making the most of our Winter Break, which is also our official break between school years.
I gotta tell ya, I am so glad for this year to be done. I love homeschooling, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely been more of a struggle over the past few months than it has been before. Part of that is me; I have been on antidepressants for a couple of years and have been needing to change my medication for a while now. I’ve done that and have added an anti-anxiety medication, which I wouldn’t have thought I’d needed, but have found is definitely helping. In any case, I do expect that with proper management of my own health, my stress level will decrease, which can only help things.
In other news, we’ve been quite the crafty-kins around here. I made some of the cutest little hand warmers for all of us from felt and rice. I used flower-shaped cookie cutters, but any shape will work. You can heat them up in the microwave, then slip them inside your pockets or even shoes to warm up freezing fingers or toes. It’s not nearly cold enough for that around here (we’ve only come close to freezing temperatures once so far), but I am sure they’ll come in handy in January & February when the Texas weather finally catches on that winter months are supposed to be cold.
December is a busy month for us; we celebrated LBB’s 10th and Loverly Husband’s 35th birthdays this month in addition to Yule and Christmas, both of which were amazing. LBB got to hang with his friends for his birthday and do some lazer-tagging, and the kids both got air-soft guns for Christmas in addition to a handful of video games and Kinect for XBox. I’ve been playing with my new Nook and Loverly Husband’s been on vacation this week and immersing himself in the world of Skyrim.
Though it may seem like it, I haven’t been neglecting school stuff. I updated the banner here at This Adventure Life for the new school year and spent a few hours last week updating my lesson planner pages and getting them ready to print and bind. I added the workbox plan sheet into my normal lesson planner since we’ve been sticking to that.
We’re also going to give the boys’ STARS planners another go this year; hopefully with better success. I think with the workboxes (which we will continue for this coming year), the planners will work a bit better. We’re continuing the goal of helping them become more self-sufficient with their school work; hopefully between workboxes and their planners they’ll have the tools they need to really take on more responsibility. We won’t be starting our new school year until the second week in January, but I’ll try have all of the new pages in an upcoming ‘lesson planning’ post sometime in the next couple of weeks.
Hope you’re all enjoying your break (if you took one), and felicitations for the New Year!
Warmly,
~h
NYR: The 2012 Version
So this will be my second NYE post on this blog, since abandoning my MySpace blog a couple of years ago. For most of you, this info will be irrelevant, but since it’s become tradition for me, I am posting it anyway.
My usual format is to post this year’s resolutions, and then do a re-cap of previous year’s with progress reports as needed. It’s a long post (so feel free to skip most of it. I’m blogging this more for my own accountability and record-keeping than for public consumption), but I find it entertaining and see no reason to alter that format, so without further adieu, here are 2012′s New Year’s Resolutions (amazingly, I’m running ahead of schedule here, posting this almost a week before the new year. Go, me, all organized and stuff!):
1. Home Blessing – this has been my first resolution for a couple of years now. It’s an on-going thing and I am wondering now how long it needs to be an actual resolution since it doesn’t seem like it’s completely accomplishable. There is always something else to do that falls under this category… in any case, this encompasses all de-cluttering and home improvement type activities from resolutions past. This year’s actual targets are the master bath and kids’ rooms: painting and decor.
2. Medication: get them filled, on time; stay on them. I seem to go through phases where I feel good and stop taking them, then need them again, but fight the need and so things deteriorate until it’s apparent that I am truly effed up and require them. So… keeping them filled and myself stable will circumvent this whole scenario. FYI, I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and last month was prescribed an anti-anxiety medication as well. It’s helping. I also take thyroid medication, asthma, and allergy medications daily.
3. Plan and take a family vacation. As the kids get older and wrapped up in their own interests, Loverly Husband and I actually get quite a bit of time to ourselves these days. That trend will only continue as the kids age, and I think that the focus needs to shift to keeping them focused on the family. A family vacation before they get too old and too ‘cool’ to enjoy it would be nice.
4. Get back to kid-friendly exercise. We slacked a lot on this in 2011. I want to get back to being outdoorsy even if it means just me and the kids by ourselves. Hiking, biking, swimming, beach – all that and more are on the books for 2012.
5. Forage/Raw Foods Week: Loverly Husband’s idea is to take a couple of weeks and instead of doing our normal grocery-shopping routine, buy only foods that can be prepared or consumed without cooking. I’m open to it, and doing something like this with him on board will be much easier than trying to do it with him kicking and screaming. Since it’s his idea, it’s going on the list for this year.
6. Fashionista: this is going to encompass my hair/nails and wardrobe. I need to keep up with my hair, I want to get my nails done (and keep them done) and update my wardrobe in the coming year. Hopefully the ‘kid-friendly exercise’ resolution up there will help necessitate the actual need for new clothing… one can hope, right?
7. Figure out Container Gardening: This year will be our third attempt at a garden. I want to do an herb garden indoors and a veggie garden outside. I’d also like to do a couple of fruit trees (a cherry tree??). I need to read up on them and decide where and when to start them. It’s part of our homeschool science class, so the kids can help, too.
8. Post my art journals to DeviantART. I have an account and pictures of my journals, I need to either put them in a video or post the pictures.
9. Complete at least one writing project. Any of them. At least one.
I would do 10 because it’s such a nice, round number, but it’s become somewhat of a tradition to only make 9. So that’s my list for this year. I don’t usually post progress reports during the year, so don’t feel bad if you forget all about them until the end of December.
This officially concludes the ‘current resolutions’ portion of this post. If you’re interested to see how previous resolutions have held up over the years, feel free to read on. I’ve been updating each year’s resolutions for the past few years; it’s interesting to me to see how my goals and things have changed.
2011′s Resolutions (originally posted December 29, 2010) & updates:
1: Home Blessing - this has been on the books for a while, and will finally see real progress this year. This resolution encompasses all the de-cluttering/cleaning goals from years past and includes anything related to making our home a nicer place to live in. We’re planning a major re-decorating/face-lift to our house in the spring, including painting inside and out, switching our bedroom into the master bedroom (which is currently doing time as a storage/library/craft room) and putting the boys in their own bedrooms. We’ll also do some appliance upgrades and redecorate. I’m excited!! – update: We completed repainting the outside of the house, and our bedroom is moved and decorated. That took a lot more money than we’d planned on, so the rest of the renovations will be carried over to this year. I’m not displeased with our progress – it’s part of home ownership, which I am grateful for.
2: Teach the boys to cook. SFK was bragging about her 9-year-old dd making a four-course meal; I’m jealous and so shall attempt to teach the boys more about the culinary arts this year. The goal is to have them make at least one full meal each by… December 1st. That should give me plenty of time. update: meh. Cooking, yes. Full meal, no. They have gotten pretty good at making simple things – following recipes and using the stove. That’s more from efforts of their own than me actively teaching them, but I am not displeased with that, either. I find that as much as I dislike cooking, I dislike for the children to be underfoot while I am cooking even more. Based on this year’s progress, I can surmise that their continued experimentation and learning in the kitchen will continue with or without my help.
3: Attend a Writer’s Conference/Workshop (or a homeschooling one). Both would be ideal, but attendance at one or the other will fulfill this one. This is a re-hash of a previous resolution; before it was ‘attend monthly group meetings’. I think that the monthly group would be good to do, too, but I really want to try for a conference or workshop that is more in my field (so romance or sci-fi/fantasy or para-normal romance. And no, you can’t read them…yet). update: nope; I didn’t do either. I DID, however, work on a couple of my stories and stared a new writing project with one of my BFF’s, AnnA of TheEverydayAlchemist. We have weekly Skype dates to collaborate and toss some encouragement for our individual projects around… and just because we’re more awesome when we’re together and need to be reminded of that often.
4: Try veganism on for a week. I’ve tried vegetarianism on (it doesn’t fit), but never veganism. It’ll be a challenge. update: HA! I say. I didn’t do this at all. In fact, I did the polar opposite of this – going all meat for a few weeks. I tried the Atkins diet for about three weeks – it sucks; I don’t recommend it. Maybe in 2012? Loverly Husband has mentioned trying a meal plan that consists of keeping only raw foods in the house and ‘foraging’ so maybe something like that would be more attainable since I’d have his support.
5: Personal Growth. This is the one that I am lumping the rest of my writing goals and all of my health/weight loss goals into, as well as parenting goals (such as putting into practice/deeper study of NVC). I always have a couple of these listed, and I think it’s kinda cheating to have 4 of the same, on-going goals… so. I’m also putting things like: continue meeting meditation and spiritual goals, making time for ‘me’, blogging/writing something daily, etc. Some friends and I are re-committing to SparkPeople.com for this year (so if you wanna join me, come on!). I have many goals in that particular department, but I blog there too, so that’s where most of that goes. update: Meh… I’m giving this a 75%. Some of this has been met and surpassed, other parts of it have been seen to but not quite as well as I’d like. See this year’s NYR’s for an updated and possibly more specific list of goals. I have posted parts 1-6 of 13 from the NVC book here on my blog with plans to continue this year.
6: Date Night with Loverly Husband at least 1x per month. We used to do this at least that often, but this year, it seems like that’s taken a backseat. Between homeschooling and him working more, it’s been harder to find time to go out. It’s not a ‘problem’, but I’d rather focus on this now, before it becomes a problem. One the plus side, we did get a mini-break in 2010, with plans for another in a couple of months. Yay!! update: We didn’t stick to this plan… nor did we get to have a mini-break without the kiddos. We spent our money on house stuff, which was good, and as the kids are getting older and more wrapped up in their own interests, we do get more time together. I think this year’s more family-focused goal is more necessary as the kids get older.
7: Dye my hair. Note to self: For the love of all that is salon, please visit the beauty supply shop and DO SOMETHING about your hair!!!! It’s been months – MONTHS – since you’ve put color in it. You have 6 inches of natural hair color. WTF?? That’s simply unacceptable. One cannot remain worthy of the moniker ‘Rainbow Brite’ with one’s natural hair color slapping people in the face. Before the month of January is out, you must fix this! And keep it fixed. All year. update: for the most part, yes. I haven’t had roots beyond an inch or so and have kept dye on-hand most of the year. Go me!
8: Plan for lunch out better. When the kids were little, I had food for them on me all. the. time. I breastfed them for 3 years each, and I believe that had an effect on how they eat now. They’ve always eaten frequent small meals throughout the day; with no big meals and no set times, that meant that as an in-tune mama I needed to keep food in the bag so that I could meet their needs. When they started school, they had to adjust to a more common eating schedule and I got out of the habit of keeping food with us. Since we started homeschooling, they’ve fallen back into their normal eating patterns but I have not. So my goal for this year is to plan for food better – packing a cooler with appropriate small meals and snacks when we go out. This will help me with #5 as well. update: pretty much met for the first part of the year, then sort of slacked off as the year wound down. We did Bento lunches for months, then were home a lot and I slacked off on making them. I do prefer Bentos and so do the kids, so we’re going to work on getting back to that on a regular basis again.
9: Do something about my wardrobe. I am putting this one separate from the ‘home blessing’ because it’s not really about making space or de-cluttering (though that does play a part). I have a bunch of clothes that don’t fit (both too small and too large) and that are out-dated that I’ve held on to. It’s time to let go! I don’t necessarily need new clothes (though if certain portions of #5 are carried out, I may), but I would like for the clothes that are taking up my space to be ones that I like and wear. update: I did declutter my clothing! I am in need of some new pieces though (but don’t expect a rainbow of colors or anything; I am still *me*). I also did the kids’ clothing and Loverly Husband’s, so yay!
2010′s Resolutions and Progress Report: NYE’s Written on Jan. 2, 2010:
I bought, like 4 new hats and have worn them all. And they look awesome, if I do say so myself. Go me! That makes me happy. My hat collection is ever-growing and still awesome.
That last bit still makes me smile. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone else’s resolutions and to seeing how you fared from last year. Good luck reaching them and Happy New Year!!
Pick-up Stix
Once upon a time, there was this awesome Blogging Goddess. She promptly updated her blog after every significant and/or picture-worthy event, and was especially diligent about writing and sharing holiday-related blog posts.
….. Aaaaaaaad *clearly*, we’re not talking about me, here. {wink} We now join our fair Minor Blogging Deity Slacker Blogger a week after Halloween to re-cap the newsworthy events of the past week.
Much as I wish I could say that there haven’t been any, there has, and as much as I wish I could say these events aren’t newsworthy, they are. But first, let me sprinkle some holiday cheer (umm…er… cobwebs?)
I may have mentioned before that I was raised in a religion that does not celebrate holidays. Being the somewhat gothy chick that I am, anything dark and mysterious and/or creepy and spooky has always attracted my interest, and Halloween in particular has always held intense fascination for me. Now that I’m all grown up with kids of my own, I’m able to indulge myself in all the fancy fun that is decorating, making creepy food and dressing up.
We had a small gathering of friends over last weekend to celebrate; grown-ups and kids. This was our first holiday party to host, so it was very exciting. We had a full house ( a mad house, I tell ya!) and everyone had a pretty good time, I think. The kids spent a great deal of time outside waiting for new guests to arrive so they could pop out and scare them, then playing chase and hide and seek in the dark. We kept the adults warm and conversation flowing with sangria and party games, with the occasional child running through the house (often yelling). We wrapped up the evening close to the witching hour with poker and Rock Band. Since we don’t often have many guests over at one time, this was a lot of fun!
Last year, my awesome peeps came over to my house and we crafted Halloween trees from branches, tall glass containers, rocks from the yard, scrapbook paper, Mod Podge and spray paint. They turned out really well, so I decided to keep mine for further holiday use. I kept up with it until Easter-ish of this year, then packed the tree away… it’s back out again (complete with the orange eggs from Easter, even) with spooky decorations. As of this moment, it’s still on the table (de-Halloween’d) and waiting for a new craft. I’m thinking fall leaves made out of coffee filters and watercolors and the ‘thankful’ leaves that we put on a paper tree last year…. stay tuned for pictures!
The kids’ little pumpkins are also still on the table – we’re considering making pies. I’ve never made pies from real pumpkins before, so this should be interesting!
A Pinterest find… Chocolate cupcakes with white icing and sugar glass with syrup blood… the pictures really don’t do them justice! We also attempted to carve faces in apples for shrunken heads to float in the bloody sangria (Apothic Red wine, cran-strawberry juice and sprite with berry jello ‘globs’ for blood clots. It was disgustawesome.), but only managed two, and they were… not so great. I plan to practice my apple-carving skillz in the coming year and try again next year.
Kids’ costumes: PeaGreen is the Green KNight from Castle Crashers (video game) and LBB is ‘a ghost named Scream’. He’s never seen the movies (that I know of) and it occurs to me that this is the third year in a row that he’s dressed as a serial killer. There was Jason, then Grim Reaper, and now Scream… we banned weapons for the future at Halloween this year, so hopefully next year he will plan his costume based on something other than the weapon said character carries.
And this is my costume… well, part of it. I saw this video by Klaire de Lys for ripped nails and thought they’d make excellent zombie or fresh-from-the-coffin-baby-vamp nails. Considering that I am a huge fan of Vampire and Z-pocalypse themed anything, I figured I should take notes. Notes turned into a trial run, and my trial run turned into fabu, which, doing the math, = pictures. So, yay! I only did one hand and posted the picture to Facebook to gauge effectiveness and am quite happy to report that this method of nail-crafting does, indeed, elicit the expected sympathetic and/or grossed out responses! I did both hands for Halloween (after all the food was prepared, naturally) and again – lots of positive feedback (which, in this case includes comments like, ‘sick’, ‘so real looking’, ‘gross’, ‘nasty’ and ‘that’s seriously making me ill’.) {does happy dance}
In other news, we’re a mere four weeks away from being DONE with our second year of homeschooling!
{fanfare}
You can expect a countdown from here on out, pretty much. While most people are finally settled into their year, ours is winding down. I am debating the wisdom of doing less academic related stuff and more crafting/holiday related stuff, but I think we can probably work both in. We’ll have off the last 3 weeks of December before we start the new year in January; I’ll be planning next year’s schedule in the near future as well.
We’re currently in the middle of Peter and the Starcatchers (with two more books in the series on the table waiting to be read) and about to start a Thanksgiving unit study and lapbook. I’m working without a printer at the moment (am considering inventing a printer that runs on blood; it would be cheaper than buying ink/toner), so I will be putting all of my craftiness into making a lapbook without a printer. We’re going to use collage and notebooking, so it will look quite different from our previous lapbook samples, but still fun, I hope. Combined with the Yule lapbook that we started on but never finished last year, that’s quite a bit of crafty stuff in and of itself.
So that’s pretty much it. I have more to say, but will post again tomorrow.
Warmly,
~h
*post title has absolutely nothing to do with the content of this post. It was just a word that sounded fun in my mouth and so now it’s the title of this post.
Giving From the Heart – NVC Week 1
So, like I mentioned before, we’re adding NVC to our list of ‘required’ subjects. This is a 13-week course, and ideally, I’ll be posting once a week with an update. For the previous NVC post, check here. (Yikes – talk about putting it off – the first post was back in November of last year. {hangs head in guilt and shame})
Moving on, here are my thoughts on Chapter One. Let’s start with a few questions from this week’s chapter:
What is the purpose of NVC (as it applies to me)?
What is meant by ‘NVC is more than a process or a language’?
What are some areas or ways that MVC can be used in (my) life and community?
What draws me to NVC? What is it that I deeply wish for my life and my world?
I’ll get to the questions in a sec, but first I wanted to talk about the ‘connecting to how I feel in this moment’ exercises. Over the last few months, I’ve really been trying to take better care of myself mentally and emotionally. Every day, I take a few minutes to meditate and stretch and just ‘be’. I think that this type of centering time has helped me be more calm and bale to respond more effectively to the kids. I also am enjoying the time to myself – even if it’s only a few minutes.
I will say that working on the suggested childhood back-tracking and being honest and connected to how I feel about things is difficult and sometimes painful. This is not an experience or lesson that I particularly enjoyed… and then saying that makes it sound like I had a harsh or bad childhood. Not so, but I guess the exercise is designed to look at the roots of whatever communication malfunctions one has now by focusing on the negatives from the past. Without justifying, I can honestly say that there are definitely patters that were laid that need to change. I’ve always known that I wanted to do things differently than my parents did, and that caused some disharmony in my family when the kids were younger. Now that they’re older, we still do things very differently, but I can see where improvements need to be made – I find myself in the uncomfortable position of knowing what I don’t want to do, but lacking the know-how to achieve what I do want.
My main interest and goal in learning and applying NVC is multi-purpose: both to improve my own connection and motivation for how and why I communicate, and to set a good example/improve the communication and compassion with my husband and my kids. I also feel that my kids are approaching the age where they need to be learning how and why the ‘right course’ of action is so, and to choose it willingly because it is right. Parents can only enforce the rules for so long; at some point the kids have to start making those kinds of decisions for themselves. I really want to focus on that part of it – getting them in touch with obligation, responsibility and actions. I do think that people, children in particular, are born with the desire to help. So learning how to approach requests with the aim of helping someone appeals to me.
I see a lot of areas for improvement; I feel like I am not communicating effectively or compassionately sometimes, and it bothers me. I also see how my family communicates (or doesn’t, as the case may be) and that is not a cycle I wish to perpetuate with my own kids (any longer). I think that learning new techniques now will be beneficial – and easier for my children to learn and implement now, while the foundations of communication are still being forged, than to have to attempt changing them as adults as I am trying to do.
I’m not an expert, and I may not fully understand right now, but I think that NVC as a process is about connecting with your own motivations and needs and learning how to effectively communicate them with requests for actions that allow them to be met. I use sarcasm as a defense and an attack. I also use it in good clean fun, but I hide behind it as well. I’m teaching my kids through example, intentionally or not, and though I enjoy a dry wit and cutting remark just as much as the next guy, I don’t want that to be their primary form of communication.
At the same time, I don’t want to be or feel or seem all loopy and open and hippie-dippy the way that I perceive many NVC-type people to be. I am fully aware that this is a perception, not necessarily reality – I remember pre-children, how naive and ill-informed I was about so many things – and how my perceptions were colored before I had kids of my own; I can imagine that this is a similar situation and perception. It will be interesting to come back in a few months and read this and see if my perception has changed. I did want to document it though, as an experiment of sorts.
There are a lot of examples in the book of what a person says – the words that they use. I’ve made a list of some of the ones I like or
think I might use to help myself remember them. I wasn’t raised with this type of language (refered to as ‘giraffe’) so using it does not come naturally to me. It’s effort. My instinctual response – and usually the wrong response – is much more emotionally seated and dramatic. Keeping calm is helpful, remembering in the heat of the moment to remain calm is virtually impossible somewhat difficult.
I re-created this poster in MSWord and printed out a page to hang at my desk and at both of the kids’ desks. Little reminders do help! It might seem silly to have behavior reminders (for Mom) up throughout the house, but I need them just as much as the kids do, and I’ll take all the help I can get!
Resources for new-to-NVC:
- NVC Academy - not a free site, but they do have some free tools and ideas of what to do or make if you prefer to make your own.
- NVC Key Ingredients - if you’re interested in NVC and don’t have the book, this is a basic outline of the process. Helpful for a reference if you print it out.
One of these days, I’ll stop ‘getting’ organized and just BE organized.
I am generally an organized person by nature. I know that some of my friends might not believe this, but my mad organizing skillz comes in cycles. I start out super organized and stick with that for a while, then I start slacking a bit, here and there, then feel the carefully greased wheels of my life start slipping out of control and reign it back in again by getting re-organized. Rinse and repeat.
I have also noticed that there are times of the year at which I feel the need to take stock and make sure that what’s on the books is what really works for me and for my family in both our personal lives and our homeschooling one. The process of organizing things is centering to me. It’s empowering because I feel like I am taking control of things and putting myself back in the driver’s seat – being proactive instead of reactive; all good things in my world.
About, oh… 7 years ago or so, I was all church-y and fell in love with the ‘Managers of Our Home’ thing. Between that and FlyLady, I created a pretty in-depth household management journal. I’ve used it off and on over the past several years, most recently when the boys were in school last. When we started homeschooling, we kinda dropped everything and I realized while browsing Pinterest’s organizational awesomeness pins exactly how far we’ve come from being so on-top of things in the house.
Recognizing the lack, I’ve been working on bringing my binder up to date and though I still have some sections to bring current, the bulk of the journal is workable with minor updates here and there. Presenting {insert fanfare}: My updated and newly revised
Household Master Bossy Book!
Isn’t it perty? As much as I wish I could take credit for the ‘bossy book’ name, I must credit my dear friend SFK for this apt moniker. “Bossy Book” has become the nomenclature of choice for all planner-type books and calendars in our circle of friends.
{Quick Page-Border Tutorial}
I created the border by:
- Google ‘page borders’ or something like that and finding pictures that I like
- open a MSWord doc and set the margins to the ‘narrow’ pre-set
- then I paste the picture in, and sized it to the page
- then I clicke ‘insert shape’ and put a box over the textable area
- right-click box and select ‘table properties’
- set the color to ‘no color’ and transparency to 100%
- then I right click the box and select ‘add text’
- save the document with a descriptive name
I have a folder full of them. When I want to use it, I open the document that has the border I want and add whatever text and pictures, then click ‘save AS’ (very important to choose SAVE AS instead of save – this will create a NEW document in your files) and the folder I want it in. Once the new doc is saved, I close both documents, and when asked if I want to save the changes to to original, I click ‘no’, that way the original border is still there.
And, if you like my page, you can have one of your very own: Household Master Bossy Book Cover There’s no name, so you can run it through your printer and add your own or write it in and make it spectacular.
Back to the book tour:
I wrote that on the picture, then thought about the other kinds of info that might be in the book and decided that I wouldn’t necessarily want my Bossy Book to be open to someone who was babysitting. Then again, if I trusted someone with my kids, surely I could trust them with personal info, right? Of course, we haven’t ever used a ‘baby sitter’, so that’s kind of a moot point. If you want a ‘babysitter info’ page though, there is one here. There are other printables, too.
The picture on the left is this one, 1955 Rules for a Good Wife. I found it years ago and it’s as funny as it is frustrating/offensive. I’m glad times have changed!
The Daily Routines section houses all of my schedules and master lists of where we should be and what we should be doing.
The routine pages and concept are modified from the ideas at FlyLady.net. I joined FL for about 3 days, but the program didn’t fit me as it was then. I think it’s changed in recent years, I haven’t been back lately to see the updates. I got what I needed from the site and tweaked it to suit my own needs. If you’re really struggling to get a handle on things, then I would recommend FL – reading the site if not joining. There really is a lot of good motivational and get-started info there.
After photographing, I noticed that there are marker tracks on a lot of my pages (that’s why they look pink – they’re not). I keep the most often used pages in plastic page protectors and a (red) dry erase marker in the book (clipped to one of the rings). I use the marker to cross off things that are done, or that don’t apply for that day. I love lists, so this methods works for me IN SPADES. Plus, seeing a page full of ‘done!’ gives me a happy.
I used to keep my book open and in a central location. That used to be in the living room, but in recent months, it seems like our center is the kitchen, so that’s where I think I’ll keep it for now. Once it gets cooler and we can be back in the school room, I’ll probably move it in there.
Several of the lists are the same thing, just organized differently. I don’t use every list every day; the main ones I use are the daily routines and the 8-week plan. I didn’t take a picture of mine because the print is too small to show up, but mine is modified from Donna Young’s website; the Housework .doc format that I got from her site is the one I still use and it’s editable. I customized my version, but kept it all to one page.
The eight-week plan is basically one thing each weekday that is a little harder or out of the normal routine (like decluttering a high-traffic area, or clearing off the top of the refrigerator, or cleaning out a closet). At the bottom of the page is a yearly to-do – things like wardrobe inventory, holiday decorating, birthday planning and flipping the mattresses.
Yay for color coding! This is another list that I refer to often. I actually have two of them – one that’s arranged by person and one that’s arranged by day of the week. I do a lot of time-juggling right now, and I know that in the past, I didn’t feel as time-stressed. I am hoping that keeping this in mind will help eliminate that stress to some degree. The links are downloadable and customizable documents so you can have your own micro-management fixation, too.
The AM and PM Chores list is another ‘frequently used’ list. With sections for all of us, and things organized ‘daily, monthly’ weekly and yearly’, it’s a handy reference.
Chores – Instruction How-to List - this is an editable older version of our list. You can download and make changes to reflect ‘your way’ of doing things.
Yay for lists! A whole section dedicated to lists. A lot of my lists have been modified from Donna Young’s website, others from Microsoft Word’s templates and various others from random places on the web that I found eons ago and don’t remember now. I’ve tweaked and edited all of them, or just flat-out re-made them to suit my own needs. If you have time and a printer, you can make your own.
When I was making my book the first time, I kept blank notebook pages with titles on top (a suggestion from FlyLady if I remember correctly) and wrote down things on that page that I though I would use/need/refer to over the course of a couple of weeks so that I would have a really good idea of what worked and what didn’t when I actually made the permanent page. That was a really useful suggestion, and one that I recommend.
My inventory lists are downloadable and customizable: Refrigerator & Freezer Panty Household Items
These lists are extensive and not necessarily a list of what we keep on-hand. They’re also older; some of the things we used years ago, we’ve phased out in favor of better/more nutritious/greener alternatives, and some of the things we use now are not on these lists (I work from two computers - different versions of the files are on different computers). My book’s inventory pages are undergoing revision in the coming days and weeks. I’ll try to come back and update this post with my revised lists.
Another thing that I like about having the nutrition information on hand is that when I am dieting, I can easily plan what I am going to order before leaving home. Not all restaurants have their nutrition info available online, but some you can request a copy by mail from and others have sheets available in the restaurant if you ask.
More printables for you: Family Meeting Budget Worksheet Media Out/In Log (to keep track of things you lend out and thing you’ve borrowed)
Our medial record section has an info sheet (will update this post with that later) that is filled out and printed and kept in a page protector. I use sticky-notes to update most recent visit dates and other info that changes frequently. I punch holes in prescription info pages from the pharmacy and keep them in the binder, as well as all current physician info and insurance info. I also keep a copy of the boys’ vaccine exemption paperwork and notebook paper to log recent health notes for each person in our family. (TX vaccine exemption affidavit request page; for other states vax exemption info click here)
What!? Shut up; I like lists.
So. That’s my book. Any questions?
Now, I showed you mine… {leering suggestively}. But don’t send me dirty pictures. I just wanna see your Bossy Book and scavenge for ideas. Feel free to link to your blog, especially if you have pictures, links and printables!
Warmly,
~h
The Mom I Am vs. The Mom I WannaBe
So I’ve been thinking about ‘celebrating the mom I am’ in response to an article over at Mothering Magazine. I love this article. I could have written it (in a ‘standpoint-wise’, not ‘talent-wise’ sort of way, I mean).
I try. All of us here in our house try. We wake up almost daily with yoga, meditation and reminders to be kind to each other. I need these things as much as the kids do!
Overall, I am pretty happy with the kind of mom I am. I know my strengths and am mostly fair about acknowledging my weaknesses, but there are always ‘those’ moms out there who make everything look so darn easy. I hate them as much as I envy them.. even while I know that the image they present is probably not the length and breadth of their mothering, it still stings a little when I see someone I perceive to be doing a better job than I am.
Along those lines is the ever-patient mom who never wants to be away from her kids. Her older kids, I should say. Lately, I’ve been contemplating the way I feel when I leave my children somewhere – at Gramps’ house or on rare opportunities to go out with the Girls and leave the kids home with Loverly Husband. As much as I needed to be with them when they were small and did not want or feel like I required time away from them as babies, I really need to be without them sometimes now. As a militant strong advocate of attachment parenting, this is an odd feeling to have.
I have joy when I get to go somewhere without them. The pure glee of being able to think only of and for myself is so nice… and I am at odds, emotionally with this feeling. Mentally, I see it as a developmentally appropriate step, and also a sanity-saving one. I love my Loverly Husband to bits and pieces, but put us in a small space for a prolonged period of time and he bugs the ever-loving snot out of me. My children, though part of me, are no less individuals – whole people – who, at times, are very, very annoying people. Like any other person, there does come a time when I wish to divest myself of their company for a while.
I’m a better mother – and homeschool teacher – when I have time away. I think that the time/togetherness factor is a big one for homeschooling parents. Other parents get 7+ hours, 5 days a week during the school year to re-group. I think that’s a little much for me; I’d be content with a few hours, consistently, once a week or so. When my kids were small, my sister and one of our friends had a babysitting co-op that we did every Monday. I am seriously considering looking for people to do this with again. Funny, I didn’t realize how seriously I was considering that until I typed it out – but I guess I am.
I think that part of celebrating the mom I am also entails looking for areas where I need to improve and taking steps to do so. I’ve mentioned before doing the Non-Violent Communication Workbook, and have been putting it off. In recent months, my grandmother’s health has been deteriorating, so my parents are moving in with her. This is an understandably difficult transition for all of them, but the dysfunctional communication that I’ve always known was there is rampant.
It’s ugly.
It’s harsh – and I realized that that’s how I sound when I talk to my kids sometimes. Talk about an eye-opener. Plus, as cycles are wont to do, I’m starting to see those communicative malfunctions in my kids. So in a Herculean effort to break this destructive cycle, we started the NVC Workbook together last week, as part of our school work. We’re on week one/chapter one, and I have another post in the works that details some of the chapter and workbook. So far, so good; we made posters that detail the four main points of NVC: What do I see? Feel? Need? and How can you help (request for action)? We’ve been practicing, and it’s going to tale a while to change the pattern, but it’s worth the effort to do so.
I’ve also been upping my meditation time. I have a space in my new bedroom that is dedicated to such internal musings, and I am making daily use of it. I’ve also been working on the 60 Ways to Nurture Myself list, trying to implement at least one daily; more if possible.
What about you? What does ‘being comfortable with the mom you are’ mean to you?
Warmly,
~h
Vaccine Free does NOT Mean Risk Free
There was a question on one of the pages that I keep up with on Facebook this weekend that dealt with vaccine ‘shedding’ (secondary transmission) and the risk that recently vaccinated children pose for non-vaccinated ones. As a non-vaxing parent, this topic is of interest to me, but it also made me realize that there are a large number of non-vaxing parents who might be doing it wrong.
By ‘wrong’, I mean that they’re mistakenly thinking that by avoiding vaccines and the risks associated with them, they’re in a ‘safe’ zone. Here’s my reply to the original thread (with parenthetical remarks to clarify in absence of the original thread):
I never worried about that (shedding and exposure/danger to my unvaxed kids). If your stance is that not vaxing is ‘safer’, then you understand, accept and are prepared to deal with the fact that your child MIGHT GET SICK. Non-vaxing is not an open door to safety. There ARE risks associated with not vaxing, and it’s our job as non-vaxing parents to educate ourselves on how to properly treat a child with polio or chicken pox or measles or any other disease that they might contract. My kids are unvaxed and healthy – and they have yet to get a so-called VPD. We never worried overmuch about exposure to a vaxed child – but if they got measles or something, we’d treat them according to the research we’ve done and trust that their immune system will be stronger, and that they’ll now have the benefit of long-term immunity to it. I believe that non-vaxing is safer for my kids – but I’m also not blind to the risks associated with that choice.
There were several recommendations to avoid recently vaccinated friends’ kids, and to avoid people whom you know to have recently had a live-virus vaccine (like flu-mist). I think that’s making it harder than necessary on new parents. Isolation is a factor in PPD, and advising mothers with young babies to isolate themselves in order to avoid exposure to shedding is not the best of plans in my opinion. Now, that’s not to say that I expose(d) my kids, willy-nilly, to germs – more that it is impossible to monitor everyone around you and be aware of their vaccination status. At the park, at the mall, at the grocery store – you can’t escape children without living in a bubble.
For one thing, your child is at no more risk by being at a recently vaccinated friend’s house than being in the grocery store where they’re administering flu-mist vaccines. In fact, I’d say there is less risk of exposure because you’re talking about one vaccinated child (who may or may not be shedding) and a store FULL of recently vaccinated people whom you know to be shedding.
Several posters chimed in on that thread with variations of ‘I want to know about this, too”. Now, I understand that some may have and just want as many opinions on the subject as possible – I’m like that and can so totally dig it – but there’s a difference in gathering info and asking ‘what should I do’ on Facebook (or any internet forum) where the quality of the information you get may or may not be up to par. Please understand, I’m not knocking the wisdom of seeking like-minded support. What I am saying is, take what you hear (or read) with a grain of salt and do your own research so that you have a well-rounded pool of information from a variety of resources to draw from, and don’t underestimate the power if your own instinctive reasoning.
Something I want to make abundantly clear here is that avoiding vaccines and the risks that they pose is not the same thing as being risk-free. The decision to vax or not is about gathering information, assessing your personal ideals and lifestyle and doing some risk management. Essentially you’re choosing between, at its most basic:
a) Vaccinating possible benefits: reduced probability of contracting a particular disease or illness and/or shortened duration or severity of illness if contracted possible risks: adverse reactions as mild as a fever or pain at injection site or as severe as developmental delays, long-term/permanent disability; death
b) Not vaccinating possible benefits: less exposure to toxic compounds and heavy metals in infancy, possibility of exposure to a disease and acquiring natural immunity to it, no need for booster shots (and additional exposure to toxic compounds and heavy metals in the developmental years) possible risks: exposure to a disease could lead to a more severe or longer duration of a disease; long-term /permanent disability; death
The risks and benefits of both paths are shockingly similar, aren’t they? This is clearly not a subject to be taken lightly or to be made casually after cruising some blogs and forums online. The part that makes this decision so very personal is how your lifestyle and habits will affect those benefits and risks. Your level of research and personal experience are also going to affect how you’ll lean when it comes to decision-making time. Choosing to keep your kids vax-free comes with a set of responsibilities that all parents should be aware of and actively filling, but that are perhaps even more important when you’re choosing to go against the status-quo. Staying away from people who may inadvertently pose a risk to your child is one way to do that, but I think a far better strategy is to be pro-active with your lifestyle and child-care practices.
Lifestyle and parenting practices play an immeasurable role in your family’s health. If you’re a breastfeeding family, that’s a boost to the immune system for your breastfed kids (no matter how long you breastfed for). If you’re an exclusive and long-term breastfeeding family, that will have an even bigger and more lasting impact on your child’s immune system and overall health. If your family’s nutrition is ‘better’ – more fresh foods and less processed, again, this will have an impact on your child’s health. If you use complimentary alternative and holistic preventative therapies, those will also play a role in your child’s overall health. There are so many factors go into the vaccine debate – but NEVER is your path ‘risk-free’.
As I said before, we don’t vaccinate, but that doesn’t mean that ‘not vaccinating’ is the end of our health management. I went into detail about how we choose to care for our family instead of vaccinating in a previous post. Even though right now Loverly Husband and I are pretty dead-set against the currently available vaccines, we’re not necessarily against the practice of vaccination (two separate issues, BTW). There is new information released every month and medical science is always making new breakthroughs. We keep up with current info, and should safe and effective (meaning reliable and reproducible research/evidence funded by non-biased parties over a reasonable period of time) vaccines come on the market then we will re-evaluate our decision. This is one of those decisions that isn’t made once – it’s one that frequently needs to be updated and revised according to the availability of information – which a contentious parent is always seeking.
Like so many other things associated with having a child, the work associated with this decision is deceiving. I’ve often seen pregnant women stress and worry and research labor and childbirth with the unconscious thought that it will all be over once the baby is here. Then the baby is born and they realize that labor and childbirth was only the tip of the iceberg. Parenting is a long and arduous process – one that is seemingly never-ending when it comes to making decisions or revising old ones. Being responsible for another life (or lives) is an awesome responsibility and not one that can ever afford to be taken lightly. The question of vaccination is one that should be carefully examined and weighed in terms of possible benefit and possible risk – what risks are you willing to assume for what potential benefit to your child and family?
Warmly,
~h
Highlights from our Camping Trip
We spent most of last week on a camping trip. This was our longest planned trip – 5 days/4 nights, and we ended up coming back home early because there was rain in the forecast (and we were just plain ready to be home again). Incredibly, by Monday afternoon, we were unpacked, cleaned up and mostly recovered. We even stopped by the car wash and vacuumed out the van [gold star for mom}. I really thought that it would be later in the week before everything was back to normal.
We’ve more or less been on a mini-break from school this week; mama needs a couple more days before she’s up to full-scale lessons. We’re covering a little Latin and some math drills, and some literature and history. Plus, with our aforementioned spring cleaning and outdoors-y activeness going on, there are plenty of unschoolish ways to accomplish our lessons right now. Next week should be back to our normal workload.
This is our second camping trip with friends PB&JMom and SFK and their kiddos. No daddies again; I’m feeling quite outdoorsy with all this camping experience under my belt now. I might have to look more into the Texas Outdoor Woman program if this is going to continue. We took our first back in October, in the same park, but a different unit. This time, we were a bit better prepared – I think that camping is going to be come a regular thing for us, so I’m all about containerization. My mother was the Queen of Camping – everything in bins ready to go at a moment’s notice. I’m following in those uber-capable footsteps and making up our own containers. So far, I have 2 Sterlite containers (just like this one, only WAY bigger and not clear) that house our camping gear, and the interactive list from Gander Mountain makes packing a cinch. I love those containers. I have them in all sizes to house my crafting supplies, the kids’ toys and all kinds of other stuff.
Contrary to my nature, I left most of the packing to the morning of, which put us several hours later than I’d originally planned on leaving. That worked out well in the end though as PB&JMom and I ended up catching up to one another on the way. We were there and set up by 1PM or so, which was nice. That left the entire afternoon for relaxing and playing. SFK and her girls joined us later in the afternoon.
When we got finished unloading and setting up the tents, the four boys asked to start a fire, and being the responsible mothers that we are, said ‘Sure’ and handed them lightsticks. That kept them occupied for the next four or so hours, and like the heathen children that they are, danced wildly around the fire ring as they finally got it to catch and stay lit.
Friday was off to an early start. My early risers are even more-so when we’re close to Mother Nature. With birdsong, beams of sunlight and the roar of glittering fishing boats on the water, there really was little chance of sleeping in to begin with, yet I always hope and am ever denied. The boys spent much of the morning off and away – biking, fire stoking and wood-gathering, hanging out at the pier and running off to the play area. With their absence, you’d think that it would be very peaceful but you’d be wrong. The girls were much more interested in mommy-convos than in exploring the great outdoors and consequently had to be chased off (often with a huff and a stomp away) multiple times. We did take the kids hiking Friday afternoon, and got some good pictures of our little adventure.
Saturday morning called for a trip into Jasper for some extra supplies. My little air mattress had a couple of pin-holes in it that I repaired before we left, but apparently I missed one and was waking up ass-on-the-ground. That’s extremely unpleasant, so I bought a new mattress (a double height one – yay!) and a cushy mat for PeaGreen (since a mattress will not fit inside his little elephant tent. We have a bee tent like this one, too, for LBB. I found them at Target when the boys were itty bitty and we’ve used them more than I ever thought we would. (I don’t know that I’d pay $40 bucks for them now though…)
We were supposed to have a repeat performance of the SOAR program that we saw a couple of weeks ago, but apparently their plans changed and we got to see Ms. Catherine feeding her snakes instead. The kids all thought that was equally (if not more) fascinating. Look at their faces! When I was little, my dad kept a rainbow boa and a king snake – we fed them live mice. Ms. Catherine’s were frozen, then placed on a heating lamp to warm them up. The kids were both disgusted and enthralled by the whole process.
Our original plan had been to stay until Monday, but with the weather threatening to rain Sunday evening and just plain missing our daddy-shaped person, we decided to pack it up and after a brief stop to visit my much-missed brother, SIL and kidlets, we headed home.
If our camping trips will get easier as we get more used to them, and we can expect an even smoother set-up and take-down next time, then this will get progressively more enjoyable as we go along. This trip was much easier, I think. We planned a little better, and opted for less cooking (more finger foods and sandwiches) and less ambitious activities. The children were largely out of sight, which was both nice and worrisome. I stayed in my tent and read a great deal Sunday, and while I fretted occasionally about them, I made myself trust that they were capable and as they had demonstrated a propensity for following the rules we set, that they would continue to do so. I was in no way disappointed. They all returned safe and sound, and I think better off for being allowed the freedom to play without much adult interference. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
Warmly,
~h
When Life Gets in the Way of Homeschooling
One of the biggest benefits to homeschooling is that you can take breaks when you need them. One of the biggest drawbacks to homeschooling is that it is, at times, very easy to let life interfere with your good intentions.
This week, our normal school schedule has naturally been derailed by the death of my father-in-law. I am grateful that we’re able to adapt our schedule to what our family’s needs are without sacrificing our academic schedule. Because we can just pause, and then pick up where we left off, there won’t be a gap like there would be if we’d pulled the kids out of school for the remainder of this past week to deal with family issues. Another bonus: No ‘make-up’ work.
It’s been an odd situation as a parent/teacher. My FIL and I didn’t have the closest relationship and though there is no love lost between he and I, my children, and certainly my husband, feel the loss keenly. I am sad for them and sympathetic, but I am not as emotionally affected – at least not in the same ways, and so as a teacher and mother I am not sure how long to leave for the grieving process. I don’t want to rush the boys and I want to be respectful of their feelings and am feeling at a bit of a loss to know the ‘correct’ action here. This isn’t exactly a situation that Hallmark of Emily Post have addressed, “How to be appropriately sympathetic towards family members who are deeply affected by the loss of someone with whom your own relationship was strained”.
Both of my grandfathers died last year – within days of each other. Those deaths were expected, but still painful. We took time off from school, but not much. It felt better to me to get back into a normal routine after a few days. The boys are taking things really well; it’s hard to know with kids sometimes. They were close to their PawPaw, but kids are so resilient that it’s hard to gauge how much to address directly. We’ve so far explained to them what happened, explained to them what would happen at the service and offered them the option of seeing or not seeing his body at the service and just kinda opened the door to questions without being pushy. I feel like that’s all that needs to be done right now.
Loverly Husband went to work today, and I’d planned on working on school today – at least getting the kids’ work from earlier this week finished and graded, but we haven’t gotten to it yet. I’m feeling quite lazy, which is the con to the ‘flexibility’ point mentioned above – it would be completely easy to put school on the back burner for a while. We still have the ‘scattering of the ashes’ to be done; maybe this weekend, maybe next. That seems like the final ‘goodbye’, and it feels odd to get back to ‘normal’ until that is done, but realistically, I don’t think we can or need to take the next 2 weeks off (I guess we could… there’s just no need to).
We’ve taken this week off and I guess we’ll start back next week. Our homeschool co-op canceled for this month, so we actually aren’t missing anything school-wise. Next week, the boys have a class and I have one on Saturday, so it really will be back to normal. For today though, I think we’re about to get dressed and head to the library – in the rush of the weekend, I forgot about books that were due. Have a great weekend!
Warmly,
~h
Lapbooks and Other Updates
It’s been a long weekend, I tell ya. I cannot believe that we’re already in the third week of January. Where does the time go? We’ve been home quite a bit lately since it’s so blasted cold outside (the pic is from Park Day last week with our homeschool group. We were FREEZING and ended up at my house instead) and hitting the books hard. We’re averaging a little more than 5 hours per day, which is a LOT of school time for us. We’ll slack off when spring and summer hits, so I think it’ll even out as we hit better weather. We’ve started our history timeline (a scroll version) and have gotten a lot of use from our History Passports – the kids think that is so much fun!
We’ve made several lapbooks over the past couple of months that (shame on me) I’ve been neglectful about adding to our lapbooks list. In a burst of productivity today, I’ve updated my Lapbooks Page and added several of our newer books to the list, including our Martin Luther King, Jr. Lapbook that we did in coordination with today’s holiday.
Most of the newer additions are mini-lapbooks (meaning only one file folder), and after making them I have to say that I am starting to think that less may be more. Some of our books are multi-flap monstrosities that require an instruction manual to get folded back into submission. Not that I don’t love the big, involved ones, but these mini ones are small and clean and easy to get in and out of. They’re ‘faster’ to go though, and I think that appeals to my bouncy boys. I also like that the boys have been able to do more of the smaller books themselves. I admit it; I’m a cut-and-paste junkie, so usually I assemble and the boys add info to the mini-books, then we paste it all together. But they actually made the 10 Things ones on their own and they both turned out really well.
Some of our newer additions are:
- Robots Lapbook
- 10 Things I Learned in 2010 Lapbook
- Martin Luther King, Jr. Lapbook
- The Bossy R Lapbook
I posted a bit about our holiday lessons for MLK Jr. Day on the lapbook page, so go check that out if you have a minute.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been quite busy – I mentioned it before, but a woman in our playgroup thought her kids had chicken pox so I brought the boys over for exposure. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have jumped the gun. I was so excited to have a case of CP locally that I didn’t stop to ask many questions. I’ve been irritated with myself for not confirming that her kids did indeed have chicken pox. Another playgroup mom who also exposed her kids took them in to see their pedi and they were diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease. Whether or not the first mom’s kids had it or not is unclear since she didn’t request blood work for an accurate diagnosis and confirmation. Had it been me offering up a disease for exposure, I’d have made darn sure that was for sure what it was before advertising it, but that’s just me. I think it’s also possible that the first mom’s doctor mentioned CP in a list of other things, or that she misunderstood, or that the doctor was just guessing (which would prompt me to find another doc as mis-diagnosis could lead to problems down the line) … in any case, the fault lies squarely with yours truly for not asking more questions. Hindsight is 20/20, and as much as I’d prefer my kids actually have chicken pox, next time, I’ll do more detective work before exposing my bratty kids to someone else’s germy ones. My kids haven’t been sick though, with either HFM symptoms (which would have surfaced at 3ish days post exposure and usually only is symptomatic in younger kids – mine are too old to get it, I think) or CP (which would be about now).
We had a bit of a shock this weekend; my Loverly Husband’s father passed away in his sleep sometime Friday night. He was an alcoholic, and has been off-and-on ill with complications resulting from alcoholism for the past 5 or so years, so it wasn’t a surprise, exactly, but he’d been doing better over the past few months and his death was sudden and unexpected. He and I had our differences, and I have a lot of anger towards him regarding his actions and words over the past few years, but I also recognize that he was sick and broken. I’m incredibly sad for my husband and his family that my father-in-law’s death has so many mixed emotions. I can say one thing, as much as we were at odds, he did love my kids and never treated them badly. He gets a gold star for that. Seeing my husband grieve makes me glad that our kids have each other. He’s an only child and I can’t imagine how that must feel – to lose your parent and not have anyone ‘else’.
In other news, circumcision has been a buzz word in my social circle lately. One of our playgroup moms started an ‘intactivist’ group for locals to discuss genital integrity, but so far it’s more of a choir group – all the moms are already educated on the issue and in agreement that it’s a bad thing worth fighting to abolish. That has its own joys, but I really would love to have a local place to send moms for information on the topic.
It’s always interesting to me to be on this side of the ‘mothering crusades’. I did my time as a staunch lactivist (Militant Breastfeeding Cult – huzzah!) and baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-vaxer, and I stand by those decisions. They were best for our family and I think that they are the best approach to child-rearing, period. To this day, I haven’t seen any credible research that makes me think that those practices are anything but optimal for child-development. That’s not to say that everyone can do them, or that I am tooting my own horn in saying that I did – more that we all do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Now that my kids are older, I have other issues that I soapbox about – no less passionately – but it’s somewhat odd to me to see people stressing out over things that I am totally comfortable with now.
Back to the circ thing – my boys are both circumcised. It’s a decision that I didn’t know to question when LBB was born, and I really had only just started looking into it when PeaGreen was born. Knowing even half of what I know now, there’s no way I’d make that mistake again. As a mom, it sucks to be wrong. It makes me physically ill to dwell on the thought that I made a decision that has been harmful to my child. But that doesn’t mean that I get to bury my head in the sand and pretend that the decision is right because it’s the one I made. My job as a mother is to do the best I can do for my kids, even if it means admitting that something I did that I thought was good was, in fact, bad. I have seen several moms lately say that they’d make a different decision if they had it to do over again, and I think that hearing a mom say, ‘Yes, I did that and I wish I hadn’t. Here’s the information that helped me change my thinking.’ without being negative or judgmental is SUCH a powerful thing. It goes back to ‘sharing information’ rather than ‘giving advice’. No one wants advice, because advice implies that what you’re doing is wrong. But sharing information… sharing information is vital to supporting mothers, and I think I’ll always want to be part of that community no matter how old my kids get.
Leaving you with this quote from Dr. King:
”In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.”
Now I am off to put homemade yogurt on to set, and get ready for tomorrow’s field trip to the Forbidden Gardens. Wishing you a peaceful evening and a lovely night’s sleep,
Warmly,
~h
Sunrise on the Beach
I took the kids out to SFK’s house to watch the eclipse on Monday night. We brought the kids’ bikes and sleeping bags with the intent of making a night of it, slumber party style. The kids roamed the neighborhood with bikes and flashlights (and I was happy to see that ours were not the only heathen children out and about at all hours, despite it being a ‘work night’) while we moms basked under the full moon, then we piled them all into cars and went down to the beach at midnight.
We unloaded the kids and a bunch of blankets and watched the earth’s shadow creep across the moon. It was absolutely magical – at least, it was until the kids started griping about being cold (and I admit, it was pretty windy, so sand was a factor as well), then piled back into cars and went back home. We actually had pretty good visibility; a few clouds here and there but overall we had a clear view while we were on the beach. Once we got back home though, the clouds had rolled in and we missed everything but the occasional glimpse of the red moon.
We put the kids down in sleeping bags in front of a movie at about 2:45AM, then we moms even sacked out about 3, with plans to rouse everyone at 6 to go greet the sun on the beach, however when it came time to get up, most of the kids were beyond waking, so the boys and I went by ourselves.
We drove out to the beach again and parked facing east. Sunrise was at 7:08AM, and we got there just in time. Unfortunately, it was very, very cloudy and I was afraid that we would miss it. But we waited, and as the sun came up we could see the colors change behind the clouds. There seemed to be a strip of cloud-free sky just above the horizon, and as we waited we caught the first glimpse of the new-born sun! It was so still and quiet and peaceful. we watched the sun climb over the clouds and then headed back to SFK’s for breakfast. What a great night!
Warmly,
~h
Winter Crafting at THE Academy
With cooler weather comes all kind of indoor crafting inspiration, it seems. Several blogs are featuring ‘show and tell’ of the various crafts that they’re working on, so I thought I’d join in with an update on what we’ve been working on around here. It helps, I think, to get into the spirit of things.
H’s Drums
I really wanted a drum, but I’m cheap so buying one (especially as a beginner) is not on my menu. I’d like to have one for a while and play with it a bit before investing in a ‘real’ one, so I started looking up ways to make one. I found this website, which talks about making them from concrete forms. Then I found these videos, which go into detail about how to make them. And so I did…
I couldn’t find packcloth, so I was going to use deer hide, but no one shot anything on opening day of deer season, so I used oiled canvas. I used an 8″ form because I wanted it to sit comfortably between my knees if I was sitting in a chair. I also made 2 smaller ones (for the kids… kinda) that are easier to use if you’re on the ground. Now that they’re made,I actually like the smaller height drums, and I think I’d go with a 10″ or 12″ tube instead of the small one for an adult. The 8″ ones are great for the kids. Good thing this is a cheap craft! The tube was $8, the hoops were $1, the Gorilla glue was $6 and the fabric was $6 (but I’ll get multiple uses from the glue and fabric). So each drum was about $7.
The oiled canvas has a deeper sound than the material in the videos, which I happen to like. I tacked the fabric with staples, then covered the staples with electrical tape to hide them. I left the staples sticking out so that if I need to remove them, I can easily pull them out with pliers. I still need to paint them (or cover the bodies) and cut out the feet so the sounds can get out, but here’s a glimpse of what they look like. I’m a fan of the hounds-tooth head. Tres chic!
PeaGreen’s Shield
I must say, an old aluminum trashcan lid makes an excellent shield for a kid. PeaGreen has often brought home loot that other people have tossed out. Every time he goes for a bike ride, he brings back some treasure that will go into his ‘building pile’ in the backyard. He’s a pretty creative kiddo, and the shield is only a small example of that imagination and ingenuity. We’re getting him Crazy Forts to encourage this interest in construction. Here’s our ‘how-to”:
- clean up and spray paint the ‘inside’ of the lid with silver spray paint.
- We used this shield pattern (it’s a Hylian shield, from Legend of Zelda) as the main decoration. Since his shield is round and the Hylian one is not, we’ll shade the areas that were outside of the pattern and embellished a bit.
- I sealed it with an acrylic sealant, but I think waterproof ModPodge would work too, and might give some added texture. The ‘beat up-ness’ of this shield lends authenticity, I was told.
Now we need a helmet.
Birthday Fun and Gingerbread Men
LittleBoyBlue’s birthday was this past Friday, so we joined some friends at Adventure Kingdom – a medieval themed mini-golf establishment, for cake, golf and bumper cars. Contrary to what this picture might suggest, they had a blast. I’m always amazed at how little minds work. He got it into his head at one point that all of his friends only came to do the fun stuff, not to be with him. After some reassurance that this is not so, he was fine, but I wonder where he got that idea from.
I’ve never made gingerbread cookies before, so we decided to make some yesterday. We found a recipe that promised tasty and not too firm goodies and went to town. They rolled nicely between freezer and parchment paper, and cut beautifully once I got the hang of rolling dough. Then we iced them with a lovely royal icing (made with lime juice instead of vanilla; I think next time I make it, I’ll add another egg white or maybe some cream of tartar to make it a tiny bit more firm, but overall it was great). I let the kids use a new marinating syringe (sans needle) to pipe the icing – worked great! We still have 2 packs of dough left to make, so this will be an on-going craft, I’m sure.
On the menu for the next few days is candy-making and more baking and sewing; I found a craft blog with mittens made from old sweaters that I might like to try. The ‘dragon mittens’ are super cute and I can think of a few kids who might need a pair. I have some fleece blankets and outgrown sweaters that might be great for this.
What’s on your craft table?
Warmly,
~h
Bratty Kids: Tattling
“There is no such thing as a tattle tale‘ claims Kristin at Preschool Daze. Part of me disagrees with her vehemently; another part of me recognizes the wisdom and concern in that statement.
Yesterday was our monthly Park Day with our homeschooling group. We had our first ‘group birthday’ party, with cheesecake and singing (even though we mistakenly overlooked a couple of our lovely December babes – much love to Puddles and MamaT), which was fun and the beginning of a fun tradition, I hope. The kids played well together for about the first 5 minutes, then the whole thing went to hell in a handbasket. I don’t know why; maybe it was the weather or the alignment of planets – maybe they just missed each other and didn’t know how to handle the intense joy they were feeling at seeing each other again after so long – whatever it was, they were driving each other, and the mamas, absolutely starkers.
It’s a challenge, knowing when to let them work it out between themselves and knowing when to intervene. Today was a perfect example of an environment where there was no clear-cut ‘wrong-doer’. Each child involved could have altered his or her behavior slightly to help alleviate the tension. It’s frustrating as a mom to know that and see that, to suggest it and then watch your child completely ignore your suggestions on how they can personally, positively affect a situation.
Kids will be kids. I try to respect that, and not to let that bug me overmuch, even when they seem to be deliberately pushing my buttons. One of the down sides to having children who are used to being ‘heard’ is that when they feel that an injustice, however slight, is being done to them or a friend, they expect to be heard and justice restored. That’s worth something to me; to know that my children have the confidence to speak up and the expectation and confidence that the authority figures in their life will intervene in order to protect them. As frustrating as it can be to play referee, I value the behind-the-scenes processes that have created this confidence.
I’m sure you’ve seen Facebook’s current cartoon character meme:
‘Change your profile picture to a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday (Dec 6) there should be no human faces on Facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is a campaign to raise awareness for the need to stop violence against children.’
I don’t always play along with stuff like that, because I think that for the majority of people, ‘raising awareness’ is the end of their thought process. They do their part to appear fashionable without ever following that awareness with action. I said as much on my personal Facebook wall, and have been engaged in discussion with several friends about that. One of my friends, a new one whom I’m happy to claim as such, made the excellent point that as a parent her efforts to prevent violence against children begin with her own child. In raising her son in an environment with fully functioning and concerned parents, she is working to ensure the next generation will value the same.
From that perspective, yes; I am willing to play referee when the need arises. But then again, having siblings of my own, I know exactly how much effort can go into deliberately toeing the line of bugging the crap out of your sister/brother, which might get a verbal reprimand vs. outright bullying, which typically leads to more severe consequences.
I’ve also been keeping an eye on the ‘It gets better’ project, which is primarily a site to raise awareness for LGBT teens who may be enduring bullying, ridicule and other forms of outright abuse that life gets better as an adult. I’ve also seen it used to condemn bullying of any sort, and to encourage victims of bullying to seek help. Though none of our kids seem to be gay, they are all getting to the age of being more aware of sexuality and pairing up; LBB has a ‘girlfriend’ now, an even though it’s quite innocent, the girl in question’s mother and I have had extensive conversations between ourselves and with the children about what is appropriate and what is not. Interestingly, we’ve also both initiated conversations with our own younger children about teasing their older sibs about ‘liking’ someone an how hurtful that can be.
Anyone who ever thought that being a parent was an easy job is sorely mistaken. I was under the impression that it got easier as they got older and more independent; so far that’s not true. There are myriad nuances to helping them grown into caring, open-minded, responsible adults and I hope I am up to the challenge.
Warmly,
~h
Snuggly Mornings
Of all the perks that homeschooling has brought to our lives, I think ‘snuggly mornings’ are probably my favorite. Add wintertime weather to them and life is practically perfect in every way.
This morning has been one such lovely time. We’re out of school until January, and since it’s been cooler the boys are sleeping later. The house is quiet and peaceful until after 10AM, and even then they’ve been pretty calm which is as unusual as it is appreciated.
I made hot chocolate and we’ve been sitting here sipping it for the last little while. They’re playing video games and I’m multi-tasking; writing here, Facebooking (some friends and I got interviewed yesterday for our local paper’s coverage of breastmilk-sharing as made interesting and news-worthy by Eats on Feets groups; we’ve been celebrating making the front page all morning, lol), and researching curriculum for next year (which seems to happen anytime I get in front of a computer).
I got my lesson planner printed earlier this week, and now it’s all marked and color-coded for next year’s schedule, which appeals to the OCD side of my personality and makes me insanely happy. I added a new page here with all of my forms in .pdf format. Feel free to browse, mix-and-match and print for your own use. Mine was about $30 by the time I printed everything and had it bound; if I had planned better it would’ve cost only half that (I mistakenly printing everything out, then had to re-copy half of it so that the pages were front-and-back). I’ve refined my lesson planner every year (the first one was made back in 2004 when the boys were in pre-home-school); as much as I liked this past year’s planner, I think this new one is the best version yet. I’ve added some new pages and changed up the school schedule (4 weeks on, 1 week off instead of 6 on) and we’re going to do a M-F week instead of M-Th. I am glad that we did a lighter schedule for our first year, and while I don’t feel like the boys are behind in anything, I can see a need to be a little more rigorous in our second year.
Even on our ‘break’, we’re still doing drills (math and Latin, a little geography and some language arts flash cards) so that they don’t lose ground. With only a 4 week break, I don’t think they’ll lose much, but better to be safe than sorry. I’ve been letting them drill each other, which seems to motivate both of them. It’s lovely to see that level of cooperation between them.
This afternoon, we’re heading out for a cuppa joe and browsing workbooks and school supplies, maybe some holiday browsing as well. Hope your Wednesday is as pleasant!
Warmly,
~h
Counting My Blessings
It’s not often that I read something that just floors me, but this does:
And even thinking about that contrast is so Western, so decadent, so much the spoilt complaint of a woman who has running water and food and a house and an education and children who are safe.
That line has stuck with me for days now. It’s hauntingly beautiful and poignant and has made me think about all kinds of uncomfortable things this over this long holiday weekend.
It doesn’t take a lot of flipping through my posts to see that I am, indeed, a spoiled American woman. I’m privileged to have grown up in a stable family; my parents have been married – and happily so – to each other since 1973. I came along 4 years later with a younger sibling of each sex. We were all healthy and happy and while not wealthy, we lived happily and comfortably for the most part.
I married my high school sweetheart and we’re working on our 12 year of marriage. We have 2 healthy children, and though we have one who will never sleep in my arms, I’m grateful that I held that tiny spark of life in my body for the months that I did. The tragedy of that loss strengthened my marriage, and helped me appreciate the children in my arms even more. My husband has a job that affords us the economic stability to live comfortably – not just comfortably, but enough so that I can stay home with our children without worrying overmuch about bills.
I’ve never known hunger or been afraid for my safety. I’ve never had to put my children to bed not knowing if they’d have food the next day, or watched them suffer through an illness without having medical care literally moments away. I’ve never watched my father or my husband leave our home with the knowledge that he may never return. I’ve never known the very real fears and dangers and tragedies that many people across the world live with every day. I’ve never even known many of the fears and dangers and tragedies that some of my friends have lived through.
I’ve been extremely fortunate in life and love; in health and security, and I am thankful.
Thanks to Melissa for helping me remember that.
Warmly,
~h
Family Traditions
This past Saturday was the celebration of one of the few things that my side of the family celebrates – opening day of deer season. I was raised in a faith that did not allow the celebration of traditional holidays, so our family was pretty creative about finding other things to celebrate. Weddings and anniversaries were always big. Graduation parties and first/last day of school rated high on our list, too. My mom always put together some kind of summertime fun party for us too, but the one that we all sort of looked forward to was the first day of deer season – and Camp Breakfast.
The tradition is that all the men hunt and all the women cook. Being the somewhat progressive (and possibly very, very redneck) family that we are, a lot of the women hunt, too. My mom and grandmother (who do not hunt) and great-aunts (who do) usually cook. My sisters and I (who also do not hunt) are usually the pitchers-in of supplies, but this year I actually got to cook. Traditionally, it was bacon and eggs with deer sausage and biscuits or toast, but in the last few years, they’ve branched out into different recipes. This year, it was breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy and muffins. No one leaves hungry!
(Yes, they had coke with breakfast… don’t judge; it was a special occasion). Afterwards, the kids spent the afternoon performing bike stunts with their cousins.
To go along with this ‘family holiday’, we’ve also completed a lapbook on deer. We also incorporated a couple of the mini books from the Yearling lapbook and may grab it at the library later on and do the lapbook for it as well. This is a small lapbook, but it was a very rich unit. When we were looking up predators, we ended up looking more deeply into the mythology that surrounds them (like wolves and Native American culture, and jaguars and South American culture). The art work and mythology is so interesting; I’m sure we’ll go back to those areas again.
We also got to talk about conservation and endangered animals and how it affects us when animals go extinct. We talked about how our state’s Parks and Wildlife department is reintroducing some of the larger predators to our area and the role they play in population control. I was honestly surprised by how much there was to be learned on such a seemingly simple topic. As for age-range, this lapbook was right on-target. My boys are 7 and 8, they really enjoyed working on this one. Gold Star to HomeschoolShare.com for putting together such a great book!
Warmly,
~h
First Camping Trip!
Well, we made it… there and back again, safe and sound. In a possibly not-well-thought out, last minute plan, we (myself, SFK & PB&JMom) decided to take our heathen crew camping for 3 days/2 nights without the dads.
We all three endured much weeping and gnashing of teeth during the entire first half of the week over the fact that we were not scheduled to leave until Thursday. I must have listened to PeaGreen ask for ‘clarification’ on his dates (his words, not mine) at least 30 times.
My family used to go camping alsmot every weekend. My dad was an avid outdoorsman, so we were roughneck camping in the winter at the hunting lease, and on the lake in the summer (for fishing, skiing and other outdoors-y fun). My kids’ only experience with camping has thus far been in an emergency refugee from a hurricane situation. Loverly Husband and I did not enjoy that, but I guess to babies who barely remember it, it may have been fun…
This was much better all around.
We reserved two screened shelters (we opted FOR water and power) and brought tents as well. With 3 moms and 8 children, we needed the space to spread out. My kids each have their own tents – a bee and an elephant – that I found at Target when they were babes. We never expected that they’d see ‘real’ camping, but the elephant tent is well and truly indoctrinated into camping life by this point! LittleBoyBlue is a mama’s boy through and through, opting to sleep in the big tent with me, while PeaGreen and PuddleJumper shared the elephant tent. There were many complaints from our fellow campers about the noise level from that elephant in the wee hours of the morning… They had a most excellent time though, so it’s hard to complain too much!
Once we got set up, PB&JMom took the kids to the swimming hole while SFK and I finished setting up and got the grill going. We had hobo packs for dinner and let the kids roast marshmallows over the grill. There was a fire ban in effect, so we didn’t get to have a nice big fire, but it was mostly acceptable. I’d have preferred a real fire, but the fines are heavy, so we opted for rule-obeying and safety.
Day 2 began early, as mentioned before, with noise from the elephant tent. We had breakfast and coffee, then the moms and I had some AM meditation and yoga-ish stretching before heading off for a long hike.
For the afternoons, we lunched, then headed out to the Nature Center with Ranger Stephanie, then biked through the Forest Trail. We should have done the Texas Nature Challenge mission that went with this park, but we were having too much fun elsewhere to focus overmuch on that. We’ll just have to go again in the future {wink}.
Saturday was a pretty relaxing morning with not much on the agenda. We all were pretty pooped by this point and decided to pack it in relatively early. I got home around 3PM Saturday and slept in Sunday in preparation for today’s ‘back to the grind’. We started M7 in truth today (the last 2 weeks have been a mish-mash of school and break) and are looking forward to getting back into our groove.
As a final note, I would like to say how much I enjoyed this weekend. For a spur of the moment plan, it worked out well, and I look forward to doing it again soon! You can read about PB&JMom and SFK’s account of this weekend on their blogs, Enlightened Life & The Adventures of a Domesticated Woman.
Warmly,
~h
Biking with the Kids
Every time the weather gets cool and crisp, I think of the White Stripes song, “We are gonna be Friends“; I don’t know why – we’re not in school, lol. Anyway – we’ve been out as much as possible – biking and/or hiking every day, soaking up the cool weather. It is so lovely outside; I just can’t say enough about it. The kids have even dragged out long-sleeved clothing. I’m thinking that might be a bit premature but who am I to criticize?
We got the house all decorated – it’s officially fall-like now. We still have a couple of crafts to put together to really make it feel festive, but there is definitely a fall-theme around here. This is just my favorite time of year – so much crafting to be done and baking – I generally don’t like to cook, but I like ‘craft cooking’ – cookies, candy, baking… that’s really fun. especially since my darling (and much neglected of late) friend Linda showed me how easy candy-making can be. Just take something (anything, really – well, anything edible), melt some chocolate in the microwave, dip and voila! Real, handmade candy. So easy, even the kids can do it. It’s messy, especially when you add food coloring or flavorings, but so much fun and so very tasty.
We’ve also been working on costumes; Peagreen has thus far always chosen some character that is hard (read: impossible) to find commercially, so we’re usually making his costumes from scratch. Last fall, he was Luigi, which was thankfully easily located. This year, it’s a Mario theme again, but a new? character he calls ‘yellow flying Toad’. Here’s a picture:
I converted his bike helmet into an approximation - all we need now is the propeller on top. He’s pretty jazzed about it as-is though. Truthfully, I’m mighty pleased with it myself. The helmet was silver; I Mod-Podged white paper over the black stripes and over the holes, then with yellow tissue paper. I painted the decals on the sides (mostly free-hand – impressed much?) then Mod-Podged agin to seal it all. I added his name to the front and the date on the back. It’s a one-of-a-kind, for sure! I picked up a yellow Old Navy track-suit jacket from Goodwill a few days ago, and a yellow tee-shirt; all we need now is yellow sweatpants (or I’ll make some) and red socks (to cover his shoes) and he’s good to go.
Aww – I love photo angles like this one that make his face still look so round and baby-ish. My baby’s no baby anymore. Boo {tear}
I’m working on a Queen of Hearts get-up. Not the new Tim Burton Queen, more a cross between the Disney Alice and Wonderland and her:
Either way, I think I’m getting this wig:
LittleBoyBlue is planning on being a Transformer (but that’s not set in stone). He’s mentioned Bumblebee; how odd if both my boys end up yellow this year, lol. No clue what Loverly Husbands’ plans are… he did promise to costume for the party though, so we’ll see.
This post is brought to you by the letters, H, S and A; and by the number 4. We’re off to the Houston Zoo in a bit with our fabulous homeschool group, so look for a re-cap of that tomorrow sometime.
Ciao, baby!
~h
Wrapping up the Weekend
… with a few more pictures from our wonderful vacation…
Today is the last day of Loverly Husband’s vacation and tomorrow is back to the daily grind. We’ve had such a great week!
Warmly,
~h
PeaGreen turns 7
I’m just popping in for a moment to say happy birthday to my adorable PeaGreen!
For those of you who don’t know him, this is the world’s most frustrating heathen child, and quite possibly the sweetest soul and most inventive little mind you’ve ever seen. It’s been a challenge and an honor to be his mom, and I wouldn’t trade a moment of it.
Wishing everyone a happy and safe Independence Day Weekend!!
Warmly,
~h
A Week in Review
This past week has been an absolute whirlwind of activity. It’s our last week of M4, and we have been running ragged for the past month. I am seriously considering taking our week off next week and doing absolutely nothing!
Like I mentioned in the planning post, we’re doing more that feels like ‘unschooling’ than true desk-work. In fact, this week, we’ve omitted desk and workbook work altogether in favor of letting the kids wind down a bit.
Tuesday involved a non-educational movie, Alvin and the Chipmunks – the Squeakuel… I’m really out of the loop. I had no idea about the controversy over a video on YouTube of a few 7 year olds doing one of the routines that the Chipettes do. Apparently the original video was removed, but you can still see portions of it on other YouTuber’s responses to it and on news channels. Although I pretty much agree wholeheartedly that the choice of song, outfit and dance movements of those little girls was entirely inappropriate, once you get past all that and actually watch them dance – holy cow they are talented!! I’m going to save the sexualization of little girls for another post because right now, I am just jealous that I can’t move like that. In any case, the movie was an exercise in tolerance and my Loverly Husband praised my self-sacrificing spirit and dedication to making our children happy. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, but since I was expecting my ears to start bleeding, that’s not really saying much. The kids loved it which was, of course, the point.
After the movie, we had lunch (and scored some awesome heavy-duty cardboard tubes from Subway that they had those huge window decals in – not sure what we’re going to use them for but I just know they’ll come in handy) and I got some pretty good shots of the kiddos. While we were eating, a little yellow spider attempted to make it’s home in LittleBoyBlue’s shoe. We ousted him and were going to look up what kind it was but have so far been unsuccessful.
As we were finishing up, another family with several kids came to picnic in the same area we were in. Turns out the little girl was a former classmate of the kids’. I went and talked to their mom for a bit and we got into a great discussion about education and homeschooling. I know that some moms run up against opposition when others find out that they’re homeschooling, but I never have. Everyone I’ve talked to pretty much is interested if not outright supportive. It’s really nice to live in an area where my choices are validated by other moms.
They were headed to the library too, so we all went together. While the kids browsed, I found out that LittleBoyBlue actually won a prize for the summer reading club (SRC). We don’t know what he won yet – we go pick his prize up next week. That was a huge boost to his reading confidence. He’s definitely more excited to read now that he thinks there might be a reward in it. PeaGreen was understandably upset. I forget sometimes that he’s still such a little kid. He thinks it’s terribly unfair that his brother won and he didn’t. He’s pretty much past it now, but the disappointment was profound for a while there.
After the library, we went over to the Civic Center for a science lesson with Gary Saurage and Jana Parr from Gator Country (and CMT’s ‘Gator 911‘) do a presentation for the SRC. The kids always have such a great time when we do anything Gator Country related. We’ve gone on several field trips with school and playgroup, and we’ve taken the kids out there ‘just because’ and they always get so much out of the trip. Gary & Jana were great. They brought an alligator (Chubbs) and a crocodile (Moe) for the kids to hold, and the infamous Banana for the kids to take pictures with. They had to have answered a million questions – you really have to admire people who can patiently and coherently give out as much information as Gary did while wrangling 40 children under the age of 10.
Wednesday, we got our history and social studies lessons in with a presentation on “Timeless Toys” put on by the McFaddin Ward House. The ladies dressed up in clothing from the 1920′s through the 1960′s and showcased toys from those decades. It was interesting to see how many toys we still have and how the packaging has changed, yet still has the same feel. They also let the kids handle the toys, which was great – so many times, it’s ‘look with your eyes not your hands’ and they don’t get much out of it. The ladies had tables set up with different decades and a bunch of toys and interesting things for the kids to explore, like play-dog, silly putty, metal and wooden airplanes and boats, penny tin toys – it was neat to see all the kinds of thing that our grandparents might have played with.
Thursday we didn’t have any big plans, so I sent the kids out to explore. I told them to take the camera and illustrate their walk. Here are a couple of the pictures they came back with.
It was really interesting to see the things that they chose to photograph. I love just handing them the (shatterproof, waterproof – basically kid-proof) camera and giving them free rein*. It makes seeing the world from their perspective much more interesting. They took pictures of our house, the pool, the backyard, each other – they must have taken 50 pictures (have I mentioned how much I love the digital camera age??) and many of them turned out reasonably well. I’m going to print them and have the kids write the story to go along with their pictures when we start M5.
And of course, Thursday evening was the roller derby game that I posted about last week. It’s a record – I’m in the paper 3 months in a row, lol.
This bout was a double-header with Spindletop Rollergirls and the Houston Roller Derby. They mixed the teams up to form 4 teams – Scars and Stripes (white) vs. The Bill of Fights (blue) played first and blue won. Then The Patriot Axe (red) vs. Babraham Lincolns (black) played a tight game – at 0:03, the score was 100/99 red. Since my sister was playing on black, that was a bad thing. Thankfully roller derby games don’t stop when the clock runs out, they stop when the jam is over. With 3 seconds left on the clock, that means one more jam… in which black racked up an impressive 16 points and the win!
][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[=rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtkmmmmmmmmmmm <——- (our new cat, Cosmo’s thoughts on this post… more about him in a couple of paragraphs…)
Friday was supposed to be our Homeschool Group’s Park Day, but it was raining (again – like it has been all week thanks to the hurricane down south) so the park was under water and we went to the bookstore instead.
This morning was Home Depot’s kids workshop – they got to make a periscope. That’s a pretty cool little toy! The boys are definitely getting better at making these little things. We’ve done 4 or 5 at Lowe’s and this is our second one at HD and I am definitely seeing improvements in their building skills.
Afterwards, we went to lunch and then to PetSmart to ‘look’ – at least that’s what we told the boys. In reality, we were planning to adopt a kitten. I’m not a dog person and my Loverly Husband is and has been lobbying hard to get a dog ‘for the children’ for some time. This is his latest attempt to convince me that animals are not the great evil I am predisposed to believing they are, and that our home might be enhanced by the addition of one or more small creatures in it. I have to give him credit – it’s working. We browsed dogs and then cats (then birds, hamsters and hermit crabs) and settled on a sweet little cream and orange tabby. He’s buff colored all over with no white, active enough to keep up with the boys but big enough to not be skittish or dangerously small under busy feet. We went through several names (including and discarding ‘Spot’, ‘Mr. Sprinkles’ and ‘Fluffy’) and finally settled on Cosmo.
After playing all afternoon with two very excited little boys, Cosmo’s new perch is apparently going to be the back of my chair in the living room. As long as he keeps his claws out of my hair, we’re cool. {wink} This is the boys’ first real pet. We’ve had fish before, but this is out first foray into the world of furry. So far, so good!
Warmly,
~h
* In an interesting side note, I found this about the expression ‘free rein’ vs. ‘free reign’. Interesting reading!
Back into the Routine
This morning started out a bit disappointing. I really expected us to pick right up where we left off a week ago and for things to move along swimmingly. In retrospect, I don’t know why I thought that since none of us are particularly quick to adapt to new things (be they schedules or shoes). One of those silly super-mom things, maybe?
I think the break was good; it gave the kids a lot of time to re-charge and me some much-needed time to plan. I’m better prepared going into this mod than I was when we pulled the kids out of their former school. Over the break this past week though, I think I failed to help them stay in the mindset we were in at the end of the least mod. Failed may be too strong of a word. On one hand, I wanted to take a complete break – to let the kids really pursue their own thing – and they did. It was more entertainment driven than academic driven though, and part of me is disappointed by that. Maybe it’s vanity? Could it be that “now that I’m a homeschooling mom”, some small part of me wants them to be academically driven 90% of the time or something? That’s dumb, but I can’t guarantee you that in some dark corner of my mind, a part of me wasn’t expecting that. Realistically, I don’t want them to be little encyclopedias. I want them to be well-rounded, and to know how to enjoy life – so that precludes becoming little egg-heads who are book-smart with no common sense or social skills. We went straight from school-school to homeschool, so we probably really needed some time to adjust to our new reality. “Break” meant ‘veg-out’ to all of us this past week, and I’d like to feel like that wasn’t a bad thing. Not too much TV (more than usual, but sprinkled liberally with days outside, plus they were grounded for the latter half of the week, so that helped, lol). I do feel like I could have helped create more opportunities for natural learning; though we did hit the library Wednesday as scheduled, and LittleBoyBlue took much more interest in seeking his own books (outside of the ones I assigned him), so that makes me happy. I’ll definitely work on making more of an effort to expand daily activities into learning ones next break though. I wonder how much of that will start to come naturally the further away from “school” we get? It seems like a sort of natural transition; I’m curious to see how that plays out.
Accomplishments during the break:
… not much, other than lesson planning for this mod. {sigh}. We did hit the library (as mentioned) and Manning’s (local school/office supply store) and got a new wall calendar/weather station and some other materials that we’ll use for this mod (I think I mentioned the math manipulatives in a previous post). I made more sourdough bread and have a starter for Amish bread that we’ll make tomorrow for Tuesday Tea.
Disappointments during the break:
I didn’t touch my sewing or even get started organizing my office. I forget what all else I said I was going to do, and thinking back, I can’t really remember what we did do. It seems like a waste… In the grand scheme of things I know it wasn’t, but to look back and not see visible evidence of accomplishment in my home (other than my lovely filled-out lesson book) is disappointing.
Not that this is an “excuse”, but my maternal grandparents are both in (different) hospitals, and my grandfather is not expected to make it home. My mom has spent the past week and is still in Houston with them. We went funeral clothing shopping and have discussed death and dying and our beliefs regarding the afterlife with the kids, as well as expectations, proper behavior and what they might see and feel at the funeral. That falls more under “life lessons” than school, but I’m glad we had the opportunity to talk about those things before there is need. It would be harder for me if I had a closer relationship with my grandparents, but due to a difference of opinion on religious outlook, I’m somewhat of an outcast. I feel bad for my mom; even though she conforms religiously, I think she’s a bit of an outcast herself, and I think she really regrets that they couldn’t show her more non-verbal approval and support than they have. Telling someone that you love them and are proud of them, that you believe in them and that you’re necessary in their life is one thing. To make them believe it, you have to show it. Frequently. I think a lot of people miss that. I know I’m guilty of not doing that enough, with my friends especially. I don’t have as much of a problem letting my family know what they mean to me, but friends – geesh. I have a much harder time letting them in. It’s easy to see areas of your life where you’re succeeding. It’s much harder to admit where you’re failing. I’m working on peering into those depths.
On the plus side, we spent several days visiting with my SIL and niece and nephew, who stayed with us for the first part of the week and then again this past weekend. We don’t often have company, especially overnight company, so it was a nice change of pace. I really enjoyed having my 2yo nephew underfoot. He’s adorable, and that’s my favorite age – so it was all-round pleasant. I’m also enjoying the closer relationship with my SIL. We drifted for a while, but we’re getting closer and it’s nice.
School-wise, I was fielding a lot of complaints today, which is frustrating. It took us longer to get through lessons, which is also aggravating. That’s a direct result of the complaining, which makes for a grouchy mom and grouchy kids. I know that part of the complaint has to do with how much writing we’re (well, they’re) doing. More compared to last mod, but they both have horrible handwriting – it’s not something we focused on, so we’re going back and re-forming the foundation there. Just about the only way to do that is to write, write, write…practice, practice, practice. Even doing it on the chalkboard or whiteboard, in crayon or markers – however “different” one tries to make it, it’s still “writing” and as such is boring (according to my kids). I am going to try the fingerpaint-in-Ziplocks method mentioned on Teachers.Net Gazette, though I think we’ll use pudding in a bag with food coloring since I am lacking finger paint at the ‘mo. I re-found a book I’ve had for ages, The Psychology of Children’s Art by Kellogg and O’Dell, and it’s so neat! Many of the pictures used as examples are finger-painted, so I’ll probably be obtaining some finger-paints and paper in the near future for the kids.
We’re also getting into science experiments this mod, and with that comes journaling and “scientific method”. We started off with too much writing there, so we’ll shorten that portion of that for the next experiment, I think. Here’s a photo re-cap of today’s experiment, “Insta-Snow” with a Super Snow Smart Tube. (and after looking this up on Amazon, I totally feel cheated! I paid $8.50 for mine; you can get them for less than half that at Amazon. Oh well, you live, you learn.)
It wasn’t cold and it didn’t “poof” as PeaGreen hypothesized or “explode into snow” as LittleBoyBlue projected it would, so both were disappointed in that regard, however snow in any form in our area is a rare and beautiful thing that is to be enjoyed to its fullest capacity in every way. We only used 1/2 teaspoon for each bowl, so there’s still plenty left for another day and another experiment. I’m thinking we’ll try mixing it with a variety of other things (milk, soda, tea, coffee, rubbing alcohol, and maybe liquor and see what the results are. We may also try adding some food coloring to one batch. We’ll keep you posted on our results!
I guess what started out as a not-so-great day ended on a pretty good note. Couple that with filing our taxes (and an expected refund) this evening and today hasn’t been so bad after all. Now, I’m off to crank up the Wii and do some yoga stretching and cardio with WiiFit, then with the kids for a bike ride. I’m “officially” training for the Gusher Half-Marathon and 5K in May starting today (I’m only doing the 5k portion though).
Warmly,
~h
The CRC vs. Parental Rights
While looking for picture for the ‘parents as experts‘ post, I came across this blog debating the CRC vs. Parental Rights. Now, keep in mind that the Parental Rights site/group seems to be made up primarily of right-wing Christian organizations and while I am decidedly not in agreement with everything that group espouses, I am interested in the debate.
My intent in writing the ‘parents as experts’ post was originally to promote parental confidence and empowerment in the face of friends/family/pediatricians/behavioral therapists who disagree or criticize your parenting style or methods (particularly if the naysayer is authoritarian or strong disciplinarian and you’ve chosen a route that is… not), but the issues raised by the CRC and the Opposition are interesting, and I believe that they deserve my attention (and resulting lengthy commentary).
Although there are many, many points that I’d like to address, the ones that stand out glaringly in such a way as to create the beginnings of a headache right behind my left eye are points number 1 & 3, which read:
My question is, how do you know that children calling for reviews of their parents’ decisions will be rare? I’m also curious if this blogger has any idea how introducing such a standard into practice could impact families. Even little decisions could be called into question – sure, that’s unlikely on a large-scale, but suppose someone makes a complaint about you to CPS. Upon investigation, it comes to light that your child ‘disagrees’ with many things that you, as a parent, have deemed to be right and good and in their best interests. That possibility is by no means uncommon, but with the weight of the CRC behind them, this could easily lead to long-term interference in your family’s dynamic.
‘Why is this wrong’, we’re asked? First of all, just because you, the parent, have research and professional opinions on your side does NOT mean that you’re going to be proven right or allowed to continue as you were when under investigation by ‘the authorities’. Remember that they always have their own professionals who have opinions which may very well conflict with yours. Child protective organizations nationwide have cases where normal parents – GOOD parents who simply do things differently than the mainstream – have had their decisions called into question, been put under investigation and had their children removed and traumatized because some overzealous social worker or opinionated old-school judge disagreed with the parent’s decisions.
As a parent, there are decisions to make every single day. Sometimes you’re going to do the best/right thing, sometimes you’re going to make a mistake – but few parents deliberately make bad decisions out of malice. On virtually every issue there are two sides to consider. Then you have to weigh the information against incoming advice from well-meaning friends and family, and take into consideration your own biases before coming to a decision. In many cases, even having clear-cut medical reasoning and sound scientific grounding on your side is not always enough to combat mainstream corporate America with its death grip on dictating what is normal and acceptable and therefore ‘best’. If you doubt that, start doing some research on any controversial parenting topic and you’ll see what I mean.
Giving a child the power to question a parent’s right to decide and make decisions for themselves is ludicrous. Children do not have the knowledge or life experience to make the kinds of decisions that parents have to make every day. Parents are responsible for shaping the whole person of their child – nurturing and molding an essentially self-centered being into a productive and functional member of society. Children do not possess the forethought to see how today’s actions impact tomorrow’s results and cannot possibly be expected to weigh the required information needed to make those kinds of decisions for themselves. That’s more than many parents are capable of, which is why policies like the CRC sound like a good idea to some - to save children from incompetent or under-educated parents. Why not address the actual ‘problem’ rather than tear down the structure of the family in an attempt to fix it?
Um, actually… NO. And here’s why:
While I agree that in some cases it might be appropriate for a government or other authority to interfere for the benefit of the child, giving any ole government worker the authority to intervene simply because they don’t agree with the parent’s decision is playing with FIRE. In fact, there are already safeguards in place within the existing agencies to protect the safety of the child – pediatricians, hospital employees, teachers, school nurses all are obligated to report suspicion of abuse or neglect to the authorities who then investigate – and even the limited powers that those agencies can be and have been exploited because of a mere difference of opinion. The system is by no means perfect, and children do fall through the cracks, but as tragic as that is, the answer to this problem is not punishing or discriminating against parents as a class of society.
You have heard the adage about opinions, right? Even the most pedestrian governmental worker can have an opinion. They may think that they know best when in reality they have little or no experience with children or child-rearing and they certainly cannot style themselves as authorities on your particular child. Giving them the power to usurp parental authority without clear, documented and proven danger or harm to the child’s physical, emotional or educational being is wrong, wrong, wrong.
For example, take the decision not to vaccinate. That’s a touchy and highly controversial topic that most educated parents labor over. Even the experts are divided on the topic. The bottom line is that as the parent, that is MY decision to make. If my decision conflicts with the opinions of others – of doctors and scientists even, is it the wrong decision? There is ample evidence on either side of that equation, so who gets the final say on whether or not I am neglecting or harming my children by not vaccinating? I feel that vaccinations are toxic and that the risks associated with getting them overshadow the as yet unproven potential benefits of getting them. I have one child whom I believe to be negatively affected by the few vaccinations he did have, and I will FIGHT to ensure that his body is not further used as a guinea pig by the entities in government who are supposed to put his needs and best interests first but don’t.
I take issue with the statement, “As flawed as governments are, as stupid and biased as politicians can be, then tend to be somewhat influenced by experts in the area of child development when it comes to this stuff.” In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with news coverage about how studies on this medical topic or that public health issue are funded by big pharma, or how policies are enacted to prevent lawsuits, or how mothers are arrested for refusing to submit to invasive medical procedures because a judge disagrees with her decision… I think it is patently obvious that governments and their agents are more influenced by money and kickbacks than they are by The Facts(tm).
My decision not to vaccinate was not one that was made lightly, or on a whim. It was a carefully and painstakingly researched decision made after long hours of contemplation, studiously examining the material available and consulting with professionals who are able to debate rationally on the subject. Because this is such a highly controversial subject, my decision is one that I have had to defend to ‘authorities’ who disagree with me. At the end of the day, my base argument is that THIS IS MY CHILD. I GET TO MAKE THE DECISIONS REGARDING HIS CARE. PERIOD. That’s my ace in the hole when dealing with people in authority positions who have a differing opinion from mine. My point in this illustration is that even when you have experts on your side, that may not be enough. I daresay that I know more about the dangers and risks associated with vaccination than your average WIC or Medicaid employee. Yet as governmental authorities, would they have the power to override my decisions, despite my superior knowledge on the subject in general and personal history of my child? The CRC certainly puts that out there as a possibility.
I think one of my main objections to the CRC is that it sets the stage, even invites the government into the family. I don’t think that’s a place the gov’t has any right to be. Personal freedom is something that American treasure – it’s a basic right that we all believe we possess and are conditioned to fight for. The CRC seems to give the child ‘rights’ above and beyond basic HUMAN rights. I think human rights cover them plenty. The US has the largest scale abuse of the legal system in the world – the CRC puts avenues in place for children to legally question every move that their parents make – which ties up already overworked caseworkers and brings them into a situation where they have no business being. Children could be removed from homes when there is nothing more than a disagreement and the CRC only gives more weight to those kids of cases. We’ll end up spending millions in taxpayer money to handle these cases (because no child I know can afford a lawyer – yet one must be provided to see to the child’s interests in the debate). There are also the costs of foster care and the wages of the additional employees to oversee each and every complaint.
I see the CRC as setting the stage for pitting parents against children. We’re supposed to be promoting family unity, not declaring all out war on parents. It seems to me that a better use for all that money would be in founding public education programs and parenting support groups, and ensuring that the places that parents already go to seek information and support (like their doctors) are giving evidence/research-based and non-biased information. Take steps to ensure access to information and protection from advertising, like starting with comprehensive sex-education in schools and banning the distribution of formula samples on maternity wards at hospitals and kickbacks to doctors for medication promotions that pharmaceutical companies are using to taint the information pool.
As for the religious components… it is a parent’s responsibility to share their beliefs with their child – to direct and guide. Yes, some take that to the extreme, but again – unless there is abuse and the child can be moved to a safe environment, then the child WILL eventually grow up and have the opportunity to make different choices. You can’t dictate every aspect of the population’s life and as a country that was essentially founded on Christian piers, most of our citizens are deeply rooted in their faith and want to share that with their kids. Some religions go so far as to teach that their way is the only way to salvation. Some faiths DO teach – as tenets of their faith – that people of other religions will not share the same glorious future; some teach that people who do not share their faith will be destroyed in a holy war. That’s not hate, exactly, but that type of mindset doesn’t breed tolerance, acceptance or help one set of people peaceably coexist with another – and that can be counted under the CRC’s anti-hate policy… which comes very close to if not treading all over freedom of religion… which is one of the cornerstones of the United States. While I personally disagree with that kind of mindset and dogmatic religious thinking, I do respect the RIGHT of any American to believe as they choose. I don’t ally myself with any organized religion, but I do believe that parents should have the right to freedom of religion and belief, and to enforce that in their own households.
I will say that I vehemently disagree with the notion that opposing the CRC has anything to do with belief in ‘owning’ our children. I think that is a rather simplistic viewpoint that does not take into consideration the many, many ways in which the CRC’s points can be mishandled or used against parents. My opposition comes into play because of my deeply held sense of responsibility to do what is best for my children, especially when my decisions are questioned by authority figures. I think that the majority of parents feel duty and responsibility towards their children – obligation to them and in that, my fellow bloggers and I are in agreement – having children is a monumental responsibility that should not be undertaken lightly.
I don’t know any parents who had children to get something out of it. There is also a sense of interdependency in virtually all of the families I know – I have yet to sense a need for liberation of the child from the tyranny of parental authority among most families. The CRC seems to me to set parents up for attack and to foster the idea that parents exist only by the grace of authority and a warning to overstep those bounds at your own risk.
I think that very few people see children as chattel – comparing the state of children to women or black people or Chinese people in the past is inaccurate because grown women and African-Americans and the Chinese are fully functioning beings. Children would not survive without caregivers – without parents to set limits that children do not have the mental skills or life experience to see the benefit of. Women, slaves and oppressed peoples have never been less intelligent or less capable than their ‘keepers’, and though children may be intelligent, few would argue that children have the same level of common sense, experience and forethought/benefit of hindsight that adults have. The same holds true for such things as medical treatment – not elective procedures that can be put off until the child is an adult, but for life-saving treatment - you betcha that is both my right and responsibility to determine the best course of action for my child’s treatment. Neither ‘right’ nor ‘responsibility’ of that statement can be over-emphasized - they are equally important and both should be minded with the utmost care.
Regarding DaMomma’s post, her ‘Parent’s Bill of No-Rights’ was posted in regard to a TN proposal that would give virtually all divorced parents 50/50 custody of (and therefore ‘rights’ to) their child. I think that using that list in defense of the CRC is misleading – when parents divorce, there are many, many issues at play and often the competency of one parent or both is called into question. In that situation, you’re already inviting gov’t into your family. The CRC intrudes where no invitation was issued and interference is unwelcome.
That said, and thought I agree with many, I also disagree with some of DaMomma’s points; I absolutely believe that I am entitled to respect – both as a parent and as a PERSON. I would be a poor parent indeed if I did not teach my children to respect others – starting with the members of their own family. It goes hand-in-hand with the idea that respect is earned, not freely given; I teach best by modeling. I respect myself, I respect my husband, and I respect my kids. In turn, I expect – and rightfully so – respect from all of those people in return. Additionally, I absolutely have the right to see my own children. Unless I have done something to them that is in such disregard for their well-being so as to require the removal of my parental rights – I absolutely have the right to see and care for my own child. Divorcing parents may need to defend that right in the light of unjust attacks on their character by a vindictive ex-spouse, but most parents aren’t, and should not be, subject to that process. Setting up government in place to superseded that right is madness.
Again, I go back to thinking that money would be well-spent in social educational and support programs that are designed to provide unbiased information – all of the information, from all sides to review and implement according to their own philosophy. Parents who perpetuate the mistakes that previous generations have made do so not because they don’t love their children, but because they HONESTLY BELIEVE that it is the best or only way to properly raise their children. I am here to tell you that I have personally seen the difference that education and support can make in a mother’s mindset and world-view. Seeing a mother who had an elective c-section, circ’d her baby boy in the hospital and formula fed make completely opposite choices after being regularly exposed to mothers with different ways of doing things reinforces my belief that access to information and support is the key – not mandating laws which seem good on the surface but open doors to the destruction of the family as we know it. I don’t think that opposition to the CRC has anything to do with ‘child ownership’. I think opposing the CRC has everything to do with the autonomy of the family and living up to the many, heavy responsibilities that come along with those rights.
Warmly,
~h
Additional Resources:
http://childrightscampaign.org/documents/OppositiontotheCRC.pdf
http://homeschooling.suite101.com/article.cfm/legitimate-homeschool-socialization-concerns
January 23, 2011 | Categories: Advocacy, Circumcision, Parenting, Rambling Thoughts, Religion, She said WHAT?, Vaccination | Tags: commentary, family, Parenting, raising responsible adults | 13 Comments »