Rushing Kids vs. Dawdling
I read this article at Aha! Parenting the other day and it got me thinking about ‘rushing’ and how the points brought out apply to us. I rush my kids. A lot. And it’s not because we’re over-scheduled. It’s because they’re persistent dawdlers. I don’t think that the article directly applies to what I am talking about – there is a difference in pushing your littles to grow up too fast (not taking the time for them to be kids) and trying to get out the door on time. But, reading that article got me thinking about how often I say, “Would you please hurry up?!” and was a decent reminder that things don’t always have to operate ‘on time’ to be worth doing.
In any case, the catalyst to my rushing dialogue isn’t usually kids being kids. At this age, it’s more a matter of that pre-teen angsty ‘my life sucks’ crap. Have I mentioned how much I am not a fan of the pre-teen angsty stuff? I had no idea that it started at 9 – I was thinking I’d have at least 11 or 12 before we had this kind of Calgon-moment-inducing behaviors.
I found this article at Parenting-Advice.net about dawdling, and it’s short and sweet – only I can’t see rewards as a motivating factor; that seems like it would only teach them to prolong the task until they have a reward offered. I also disagree fundamentally with offering rewards for chores on a regular basis. I’m not saying that I bribe my kids (okay, yeah – I totally bribe them on occasion), but in general, having a clean and well-maintained home is the reward for doing your chores. Also, you LIVE here. And, YOU made part of this mess! For little kids, I get the motivational prods, but with older kids, I think that enforcing restrictions on privileges is more effective. This is part of learning responsibility. As an adult, if I don’t take care of my responsibilities, then my leisure time is cut into. Same goes for them. I don’t have anything against offering a previously unexpected perk – perks are different from rewards – perks are ‘extra’, unexpected; a surprise token of appreciation for a job well done. Even I like a perk now and then.
I also found this article on dawdling at My Small Wonders.com, which is really very good, but it’s the practical application of the ‘natural consequence’ line that always trips me up. Let your kid miss a meal? Not practical in my situation when you consider that lack of energy equals poor academic performance, and as a homeschooling mom, that means I’m going to hear about it every five seconds for the next few hours until lunchtime. And my kids mostly make their own meals nowadays, so ‘making’ them fix a sandwich isn’t a deterrent.
Another issue I have with dawdling – and my constant push to hurry up and get done is that some things are required on their part so that I can fulfill my responsibilities. My kids alternate each month between dishes/kitchen upkeep and laundry/trash upkeep. So far, this has been the most effective ‘chore chart’ we’ve implemented. Ideally, their rooms are cleaned and their chores are done before anything else. That doesn’t always happen, and I try to let them know – esp whoever is on dishes – what time I need them done by to start dinner.
And then there’s schoolwork… my, oh, my does schoolwork end up being the biggest area of feet-dragging agony. I know I’m not the only one who sometimes has a child come sit >thisclose< to her so that she can ensure that the child is actually writing and not staring at the wall or doodling, right?
The bit about a child not being committed or interested in whatever we’re about to do is irrelevant, IMO. I mean, yeah, I care if you’re interested or not – I plan things that I think they’ll be interested in, but sometimes, it’s not about ‘them’. And that’s OK. It is entirely appropriate for me to plan things that do not revolve around my children, and it’s also entirely appropriate for me to expect them to show enough respect for whomever the activity does revolve around to be timely in their preparations. …aaaaaaaaand that’s all good in theory. In practice, meh… not so much.
So how does one separate out what works in theory, and what works in practice? I have no idea, but if you figure it out, please let me know!
Reporting live from a very soggy Southeast Texas today,
~h
Tame Child-Creatures
“The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents – because they have a tame child-creature in the house. Let the kids be themselves and make no excuses for them. After all, they are their own little beings and not a clone.” ~Frank Zappa
I saw this posted the other day on Facebook. I and copied it to my TAL FB page, but ever since then, it’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about ‘tame child-creatures’ and comparing my own heathen horde with them and have thus far come out glad that our home contains none of these docile small people.
I’ll be blunt here; sometimes, homeschooling sucks, and when you have children who have been taught that their thoughts and opinions matter, and as a result of that, are used to being heard, listening to a 25 minute treatise on ‘Why We Shouldn’t Have to do Math Today’ can be doubly tiresome. We’ve spent the last couple of months in a bit of a rut. If you’ve been reading here lately, there have been a few posts whining about being tired and irritated. I would apologize for that, but I won’t lest I be accused of perpetuating the false notion that homeschooling is always hunky-dory.
I reached a breaking point (mental exhaustion-induced, I think now) and almost threw in the towel on homeschooling. After some discussion and intervention by Loverly Husband, some mindful cooperative parenting/homeschooling, a bunch of deep housekeeping and home-blessing projects and a substantial break and family vacation over the past two weeks, we’ve been successful in reigning in our kids a bit, setting some reasonable expectations and clearer boundaries and are getting back on an even keel.
That’s not to say that everything is comin’ up roses; we’re currently battling a little bit of First World Entitlement Syndrome (which has resulted in some serious discussions about their status in life and some plans on Mom/Teacher’s part to work in more hands-on direct contact with those less fortunate in our community).
All that aside though, I like that my kids have… personality. I am grateful that they’re thinkers and leaders – they question things; they don’t follow blindly and they’re confident that they will be heard. I count that as an accomplishment in my parenting career that my kids know that they can have their own opinions about things and that they feel free to express them. I admit that I have been embarrassed by them in public – what mom hasn’t? But most often, my embarrassment has come from me buying into some unrealistic stereotype that I momentarily feel pressured to conform to… like the idea that ‘good mothers’ have children who are mild-mannered, calm and quiet – especially in grocery stores.
I recently unsubscribed from a homeschooling support group because of the overwhelming presence of parents who want ‘tame child-creatures’; parents who have an unrealistic ideal in their head that their normally exuberant children don’t meet – and perhaps worse are the parents who are all too willing to share their favorite spirit-crushing methods of enforcing conformity. It got to the point that I was nauseated sometimes to read about some of the things parent’s have done to get those picture-perfect kids (like incorporating a spray bottle to squirt an errant child – like you might a puppy… srsly?? o_O).
The attitude seems to be that the long-term effects don’t matter (if they’re taken into consideration at all); as long as they present a good image to the world (or group) then whatever you do in the name of enforcing conformity is fine. I think that’s dishonest and downright harmful to the kids. It’s a mistake to think that in creating tame child-creatures, you’re actually molding the personality. If your child is wild at heart, you can discipline and punish the things you don’t like – but all that’s creating is a good actor. Sooner or later, that wild heart will break through, sometimes with tragic consequences. Wouldn’t it be ever so much better to work with your child to shape him or her into a productive adult? We all have flaws and personality quirks that will serve us in various ways as adults. As parents, we’re supposed to think in the long-term. Facilitating our child’s inherent traits to maximize future potential is in our job description. I believe that learning to ask questions will serve my kids better as adults than obedience. Confidence trumps conformity. Lead, don’t follow.
There’s balance, of course. We’re aiming for delightfully cultivated wild children here – not feral brats. I am not suggesting that children who are allowed to run free with absolutely no boundaries or expectations are better; they might even be worse. No one wants to deal with bratty children who haven’t been taught common courtesies. It makes me wonder how many parents go to the ‘tame’ extreme because they’re afraid of having a ‘brat’; and furthermore, how much the ‘tame’ and ‘bratty’ children contribute to the problem because other parents only see the two extremes – the oh-so-appealing docile and obedient child who never gives a moment’s trouble and the obnoxious, loud feral child who has no concept of his or her role in society.
I like the natural indulgence in the fullness of the moment that kids seem to live in when they’re allowed to; it’s a reminder to me to live in the ‘now’. If they’re a little loud, so what? If they’re a little bouncy, that’s usually okay, too. A few well-placed reminders do the job nicely. It’s more work, sure – you have to be present and paying attention to your kids a lot of the time. But that’s mindful parenting, not performance parenting and that’s what we’re working towards. Cultivating wild children means that you’re actively involved in what your kids are doing now, not trotting them out like show ponies. Even with all the effort that goes into striving for balance, I think I’d rather embrace the wild than train and tame.
Warmly,
~h
Questions From a Teacher
Alistair Bomphray of Teacher Revised.org wrote an article in 2009 called Homeschool Teacher, meet Public School Teacher. Now Hug. In it, he expressed his thoughts regarding another article that was posted to his site that was a condemnation of homeschooling by a seemingly young and idealistic teacher that had homeschool feathers ruffling all over the place.
The original article was brought up in a homeschooling support group I’m in as a ‘hey, need a break – check this ridiculousness out’ type of joke, and while reading some of the links on that article, I came across a list of questions that Mr. Bomphray asked and felt like addressing them* – all in good, fun, of course. Some of this is quite serious, other bits are tongue in cheek; I’ll leave it to you to make the distinctions.
Mr. Bomphray asked:
As a public school teacher who knows very little about homeschooling, I would love to know what it takes to be a good homeschool teacher. I have questions like, How do you balance being both parent and teacher to your child?
For me, there is only a distinction when we’re having a really bad day. I have been known to insist that my kids call me Mrs. LastName instead of Mom, but usually only during those moments where there is a constant wailing stream of ‘buuuut Mo-ooooom’ from the peanut gallery at the beginning of an unwanted assignment.
Frankly, I think this is kind of an odd question. As a parent, you begin teaching your child from the moment he is first placed in your arms. Your job as their parent is to teach them – through example, through gentle molding, through outright lessons… we do it all, all the time. Even unconsciously, we’re teaching our children, whether we like it or not. Homeschooling is simply an extension of that. I would find it odd to withhold a ‘lesson’ because it’s ‘parenting time’ or stop being ‘mom’ because it’s ‘school time’.
I won’t lie; it’s a difficult job. Homeschooling adds pressure and stress to an already 24/7 job that some people either can’t or don’t want to take on, and that’s fine; that’s one of the many reasons why homeschooling isn’t for everyone. Homeschooling is simply one of many educational options out there. Homeschooling doesn’t make you a better or more dedicated parent; not homeschooling doesn’t mean that you’re uninterested or uninvolved in your child’s education.
Balancing the job of ‘parent’ and ‘teacher’ is easy some days and hard some days… I think for many homeschooling families, consciously looking for learning opportunities just becomes an extension of their parenting – it does for us. Though we do have more formal/structured ‘school’ time, we also incorporate education into other things and places and activities - I think that many (most? all??) families do that; it’s not a trail exclusive to homeschooling families.
How do you incorporate technology into your lessons? How do you go about teaching a subject you know very little about?
I am putting these two questions together because they go hand-in-hand. I am somewhat unclear what this question is referring to by ‘technology’ in this case, so I am just guessing here.
Dictionary.com defines technology as, ‘ The application of scientific knowledge for practical purposes, esp. in industry: “computer technology“; “recycling technologies“.‘ In homeschooling, we do this in so many ways… the computer is literally at our fingertips – anything you want to know is a Google search away. Videos, experiment outlines, lesson plans – organizations like NASA and even Ivy League schools have free resources that are accessible online. This puts almost anything within my reach – and what I personally don’t know, I can usually find someone that we know who can teach it. If I can’t, then there are tutors available for hire in almost any city.
If we can’t find it online, then we start looking in the community. Our city has a local college and in my experience, many teachers are ready and willing to help anyone who wants to learn. Several local professors have websites that are designed to be used by the community for homework helps; we take advantage of those resources. When we can find people who are willing to share what they know - whatever that is in a classroom setting or in a demonstration, we take advantage of their willingness to share.
It’s been my experience that museums, places of interest and even businesses are willing to work with homeschool groups because the groups are small and the kids are really engaged and interested in the subject being taught, discussed or demonstrated. Our homeschool group has an outing every week – sometimes for purely social gatherings, but most often, there is an academic component that is the focus of the trip. We travel up to 2 hours away, which puts us in touch with resources not only in our city, but also in neighboring cities – universities, museums, businesses – anyone who is willing to offer us something interesting.
I think that these kinds of trips are at least as valuable if not more so than 8 hours desking it every week.
How much homework do you give? Is it even called ‘homework’ when it’s assigned at home?
I don’t assign ‘homework’, as in, ‘lessons that must be completed on your own, as practice or to reinforce the lesson, outside of class time’. My kids do have ‘homework’ in the sense of, ‘you goofed off during class time and now you have to finish this in your free time’.
In my experience, homework is assigned for several reasons:
- to help the student practice the concept learned in class today/this week
- to reinforce or practice more advanced versions of the lesson
- to cover material that the teacher did not have time to cover in class
- to prepare the student for the next day’s lesson/discussion/lecture
- to prepare for college level courses where the bulk of the work is going to be independently completed
Do your students have to take the same standardized tests as mine? If so, how much test prep do you do each week? In short, I want to know your best (and worst) practices.
In Texas, we are considered a private school and don’t have to test. There are a zillion blogs on the merits of testing and a zillion more from the rabid opposers that state, quite succinctly, why testing is pointless. In any case, I’m not interested in having that discussion right now, so I’ll leave it at, ‘nuthin’ but the facts, ma’am’ and move on.
And as homeschool teachers, aren’t you just as curious about the life of a public school teacher? If for nothing else, to rethink and reshape your own teaching philosophies?
Absolutely, I’m interested in how teachers do things and why, all with an eye towards improving my own teaching skills. I think it’s a mistake to assume that all teachers have something worthwhile to share just because they have a teaching degree. I also think it’s folly to assume that all homeschooling parents are so arrogant as to assume that they know everything about educating their child.
Almost all of the homeschooling parents I know take their own education as teachers just as seriously as they do their children’s. Personally, I look for continuing education courses offered in my community and find out of they’re open to homeschooling parents. That may not ‘count’ professionally, but the information is no less valid because I’m not turning in those hours to an accreditation agency. It still helps me to refine my skills, learn new techniques and ideas and pick the brains of classroom teachers to find out what they can offer my kids.
Home educating is not a hobby. It’s not something that most parents undertake on a whim, or one that they only put a half-hearted effort into. When you become a parent, whatever your children do and achieve reflects on you – you’re held responsible for the good and the bad. Once they reach school age, it’s still on you, but you also gain a partner in crime. If your kids don’t learn, then blame – at least part of it – can be foisted off onto the school system (who then shuffle the blame back onto the parents). But when you’re homeschooling, it’s ALL on you – the successes, the gaps, the achievements and the lacks. As education plays an ever more important role in successful futures, no homeschooling parent feels that pressure lightly.
In response to the very first comment,
I would love to know what it takes to be a good homeschool teacher.
I think that the same things that make good parents make good homeschool teachers. I don’t necessarily claim to be either, but I do put a lot of effort into it and I see my children progressing and developing and learning and hear comments along the same lines from friends, relatives, museum directors, tour guides and park rangers. Based on that, I think that at the very least, I’m not screwing them up any worse that the public school system would be. But I think I’m doing a much better job than ‘the very least’.
In closing, Mr. Bombay wrote:
We’re all teachers here, and therefore we’re all in this together. You love your students as if they were your own children, because, well, they are your own children. Well, we public school teachers try to do the same.
Forgive me if I sound a little like the Steve Carell character from Anchormanwhen he yells, “I DON”T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!” But that’s kind of how I feel.
Deep breath. Now exhale.
Indeed, my friend. Indeed.
Warmly,
~h
* Disclaimer: I am only one homeschooling parent among myriads. I can only speak to my own experiences, ideas and musings; your perspective may vary greatly. That doesn’t make either of us wrong; it just makes us different.
Workboxes, Week 1
Well, we’re almost through our first week with workboxes. We’ve actually completed all of the boxes every day so far (though I did change ‘health’ to ‘chores’ yesterday – kinda cheating, I know, but I was ready for school to be done).
I haven’t decided exactly how I feel about them yet. I’m thinking that we’ll give it another week and see how it goes. I am almost sure that the actual ‘box’ part is just adding an extra/unnecessary step; I’ve seen several versions of workboxing mods that use a single box or bin with manilla mailing envelopes to hold the work, and others that use hanging files, covered cereal boxes, and lots of other methods. Since we’re so limited on space, I am wondering if something like that might be better.
I am also going to have to figure out something else to do with the ‘done’ cards or tags… the process we have now feels like a bunch of extra steps that might be eliminated. I saw several people using velcro dots on the fronts of boxes (or on a sheet of paper inside the front of the box) to hold all the tags; I’m thinking that I might want to try that instead. I do like the chore cards though, so I may play around with that and see if I can come up with a better way to manage them. We have a chore chart in the hallway that I made months ago; we may go back to that style for a while.
Overall, I’m not sold on the system for us, but there are some things I like about it, so I’m not ready to scrap it just yet. I thought I’d do a pros and cons list this week and then re-evaluate next week. In the interests of disclosure, I will say that I have not read Sue Patrick’s book (creator of the workbox system), or attended any kind of lecture or class on them. I’ve just been reading about them since last year and checking out all the different mods and tweaks that I’ve seen in blogs and put my system together from what I’ve read. That may very well do Ms. Patrick a huge disservice, so please take my two cents on the matter with a spoonful of salt. {wink} I like the idea of the workboxes system. Ideally, it seems like allowing the kids to be completely responsible for their work makes me happy. I just don’t know how that will work out practically speaking with my kids.
Pros:
- I like that having a weeks worth of plans laid out in advance helps me see where things are missing; I’m planning better and even though it’s still taking a while, the day is well-rounded.
- I like that I can also see where I am harping on ‘work’ and not adding in enough ‘fun’ stuff; workboxing it helps me make sure to include fun stuff at even intervals during the day.
- I like that everything is done the night before; I can just say “okay, time for school” and they’re set.
- We’re getting a CRAPLOAD of stuff done! I am impressed with the number of completed assignments that they’re turning in every day.
- it takes up a lot of space – the whole time; from storing packed boxes, to while they’re working on an open box, to boxes they’re saving for homework and boxes that they’ve completed. I’ve got boxes everywhere.
- the packing process takes a long time – not so long that it’s prohibitive, but long enough that I can see myself getting bored with it in the near future. I’ll want to pack them, but slack, then feel stressed about it in the morning.
- it’s not saving us ANY time. My kids still dawdle. The only benefit here is that I can say, “Okay, time’s up. Pack your things back into the box and set it on the side of your desk. That’s homework.” But then I still have to oversee homework. Le sigh.
- Even though we have the shoe-box sized bins, they’re still not big enough to hold workbooks or larger materials. Even their journals and notebooks get curved into the bottoms of the boxes.
- I’m also concerned about long-term wear and tear on the boxes, themselves. They’re dollar-store boxes, but that was still $24 on box. If I upgraded to heavier boxes or wider ones, that will be an even bigger expense.
Ten Stupid Things Homeschoolers Shouldn’t Do
I found this article last night and before I post the link, let me issue a warning: stupid should hurt. It is not a quality article by any stretch of the imagination. We’re not even going to talk about the grammar…
However, this is the kind of information that is out there and I admit that I feel a certain responsibility for clearing up blatant misinformation, so this is my attempt to do just that.
Right off the bat, we’re informed that homeschooling is a ‘tedious task’, but that the we can be sure that the kids will learn what they are supposed to (presumably if we make education tedious enough… I guess if you use a non-traditional and dynamic method, your kids are doomed to idiocy). We’re also cautioned about parents who simply ‘claim’ to homeschool with very little progress. Thankfully, we’re given a list of blunders to avoid so that we don’t all into that category.
1. Preaching about homeschooling - Not every parent favors homeschooling. Some are just too busy and others do not have the ability to teach their kids at home. Pushing the idea of homeschooling only alienates you and your child in the community which is dangerous because your kids need a strong community presence.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who ‘preaches’ about the virtues of homeschooling. Most of the homeschooling parents I know are advocates of homeschooling, yes, but I think we all realize that it is not the right choice for every parent. Homeschooling takes a tremendous amount of effort and it definitely is not feasible or desirable for every family. We know that. We even know people whom, if we found out about their desire to homeschool, we would actively discourage from trying to homeschool. But if you’re on the fence about it, talking to a homeschooling advocate can definitely give you a confidence boost enough to go ahead and try it. It’s not like ‘deciding’ your child’s educational path is the end-all, be-all decision. If you try it and it isn’t for you, then you can do something different – no harm done.
2. Setting a homeschool without additional help - There are too many ideas outside your home that can be used to properly implement homeschooling. Learn as much as you can from various groups online or in your local area. This will constantly give you fresh and smart ideas in teaching your kids.
However badly presented, this idea is a good one. I wouldn’t say that it’s ‘necessary’ to utilize outside resources (after all, few schools make use of the educational resources that their community offers to their full advantage), but it certainly can and does enhance your homeschooling experience. You’ll also offer a more dynamic lesson when your lesson incorporates ‘out of the box’ locations and resources.
3. Accepting all teaching responsibilities - Do not think that you can teach everything to your kids. This can only damage their learning process especially on the young ones. Identify the subjects you can’t handle and seek help so that you will maintain the quality of education.
This is one of those tricksy worded ‘helpful guidelines’. I daresay that as a reasonably educated adult, I am more than capable of teaching my elementary school aged child the basics of a 5-8th grade-ish education all by myself. With the inclusion of the local library and internet access, I might even extend that through high school. Personally, I would say that it is more in the later years – high school and beyond – that homeschooled students might benefit from having specialized teachers. Certainly if one knows oneself to be woefully lacking in any given subject, the responsible homeschooling parent will seek a mentor for their child.
4. Difficult schedule - One of the reasons why parents want to homeschool their kids is that they want their kids to have more time at home. Do not remove this advantage by establishing a hectic daily schedule for your kids. It is stressful for you and your kids.
This one makes no sense to me. Even the most rigorous homeschool schedule I’ve seen is less hectic than a schedule where the kids are being shuffled back and forth to classes every hour. Add in after-school stuff and that makes for a very full schedule. I don’t know of any homeschoolers who over-schedule themselves or their kids.
5. Overspending - You have to expect to spend a little bit more on books and other supplies for homeschooling. But you still have to be smart about the budget as overspending will not translate into a well-educated kid. It might even be the reason why the kid is not concentrating enough.
This one is reasonable, and makes a good point: Overspending does not result in a well-educated child. I don’t understand how more money = not concentrating, so we’re just going to ignore that part.
6. Moving forward without feedback - Assumption is the number one enemy of parents. Do not just think that your kid already knew the subject because it will only confuse your kids. Consistently ask for a feedback so that you can adjust the pace or even your teaching techniques.
The number one enemy of parents? I hardly think so. I don’t think this one makes much sense either; most homeschooling parents can see within a lesson or two whether or not their child ‘gets it’ and/or if this book/curriculum/style is working and will make those adjustments accordingly and automatically. Feedback in the form of discussion is kind of like flogging a dead horse. I will say that discussion with your child and getting ideas and input from him/her about how and what is being learned is a good idea – but that’s kind of a different point than the one being made.
7. Asking too much from your kid - Avoid stressful situations by setting realistic expectations from your kid. This will even be beneficial for your kid since he will have a good learning experience. Easy to understand subjects will be easier to learn which can be slowly adjusted depending on the kid’s response.
Again, however badly worded, this one contains a little nugget of useful insight. As a homeschooling parent, I think it is very easy to have high expectations – maybe even unrealistic expectations. Good communication with your child can help keep you both on the same page, as will resisting the urge to push them ahead or compare them with other kids.
8. Ignoring school-based ideas - Homeschooling is not a very unique system compared to regular school environment. Learn from regular teachers regarding their teaching methods and techniques and implement some of those ideas at home. Teachers are professionals who know what to do with kids so their ideas can really help in homeschooling.
I’m gong to flat-out disagree with this one. Homeschooling IS a very unique system when compared to institutionalized school environments. Classroom teachers and homeschool teachers have little on common and therefore their teaching methods can and should vary greatly. Homeschooling parent/teachers have any and all teaching methods at their disposal – the traditional teaching environment and style guarantee a good education in the exact same way that expensive materials do.
9. Pushing for more activities - More free time does not mean additional activities for the kids. Let them decide what to do with their free time and simply supervise or simply be a parent that prevents them from danger.
Again, disagree. More free time means exactly that there is more time for additional activities for the kids. Without spending 8 hours a day in a classroom, they will have more free time for activities of their choosing – academic or otherwise.
10. Not knowing when to stop- Your kid will reach an age that homeschooling is no longer an option. Parents have to recognize this stage so that they can help their kids have a normal adolescent development. Homeschooling is still a good option but should not be the only option parents should push to their kids.
Aaaaaannnndddd…. disagree. Completely. Utterly. In every way. There is no age when homeschooling suddenly becomes less beneficial. The benefits of homeschooling continue as long as there is an active parent involved. While the individual circumstance might prompt your family to choose other schooling options, homeschooling is a viable option from Kindergarten through High School Graduation – and even college or trade school (via correspondence) should one desire it. The idea that a child ‘needs’ to be in an institutionalized school environment in order to develop normally is absurd.
Since this is supposed to be a quick list of things not to do, here’s mine:
- Don’t spend a bunch of money on curriculum in the first year. Your style will change as will your expectations over the first year. Get a better idea of how you’ll homeschool before committing to a curriculum.
- Don’t stress about whether or not this is the ‘right’ thing. If you’re worried about it, that means that you’re mindfully considering your options and whatever you decide, it’s the right decision for your family right now.
- Don’t compare your kid, yourself or your homeschool to others. It’s not a contest.
- Don’t over-explain. Homeschooling is legal in most states. Learn your state’s rules and requirements and fulfill them. You don’t owe a single thing else to anyone.
- Don’t push – yourself or your kid. Take your time; you’ve got plenty of it!
- Don’t go it alone. Find like-minded families either in real life or online. Connecting with other homeschooling families is key in homeschooling success.
- Don’t be afraid to mix it up. Utilize every resource available to you – not all in one day, but do use them. There are a ton of resources and opportunities in your community and region. Find them.
- Don’t ‘cover the material’. Homeschoolers have the luxury of being able to be ‘mastery oriented’. We’re not on anyone else’s time table. Master each concept in turn, then move on – regardless of what ‘grade’ it is.
- Don’t burn out. Take regular breaks for yourself. You need and deserve to be well rested and centered so that you can continue giving your best to your kids.
- Don’t put too much stock in anyone else’s lists.
Warmly,
~h
The CRC vs. Parental Rights
It seems that the Convention on the Rights of the Child(CRC) is back on the blog front again lately… With both Smrt Lernins posting about it and Homeschooling a Texas Tornado and a Pre-School Tag-A-Long, I thought I’d weigh in with my thoughts. This is not a new post; I’ve had it as a draft since July 2010 and just have never finished it. There are parts of the CRC that I agree with but I also think it is seriously flawed. Anything, once written in stone, can be manipulated and I see vast, gaping holes in the CRC, and definitely with various advocate’s interpretation of them. So here’s my previously unpublished post, updated in a few spots to allow for current insights:
While looking for picture for the ‘parents as experts‘ post, I came across this blog debating the CRC vs. Parental Rights. Now, keep in mind that the Parental Rights site/group seems to be made up primarily of right-wing Christian organizations and while I am decidedly not in agreement with everything that group espouses, I am interested in the debate.
My intent in writing the ‘parents as experts’ post was originally to promote parental confidence and empowerment in the face of friends/family/pediatricians/behavioral therapists who disagree or criticize your parenting style or methods (particularly if the naysayer is authoritarian or strong disciplinarian and you’ve chosen a route that is… not), but the issues raised by the CRC and the Opposition are interesting, and I believe that they deserve my attention (and resulting lengthy commentary).
Although there are many, many points that I’d like to address, the ones that stand out glaringly in such a way as to create the beginnings of a headache right behind my left eye are points number 1 & 3, which read:
1. A child’s “right to be heard” would allow him (or her) to seek governmental review of every parental decision with which the child disagreed. Firstly, the frequently [sic] with which children seek government review of their parents’ decisions will likely be extremely rare. But that point aside, why is this wrong? If parents believe what they are doing is right, then why should they worry about it? Unless parents are being abusive, then this shouldn’t be a problem. And really, this boils down to parents rights vs. children’s rights.
My question is, how do you know that children calling for reviews of their parents’ decisions will be rare? I’m also curious if this blogger has any idea how introducing such a standard into practice could impact families. Even little decisions could be called into question – sure, that’s unlikely on a large-scale, but suppose someone makes a complaint about you to CPS. Upon investigation, it comes to light that your child ‘disagrees’ with many things that you, as a parent, have deemed to be right and good and in their best interests. That possibility is by no means uncommon, but with the weight of the CRC behind them, this could easily lead to long-term interference in your family’s dynamic.
‘Why is this wrong’, we’re asked? First of all, just because you, the parent, have research and professional opinions on your side does NOT mean that you’re going to be proven right or allowed to continue as you were when under investigation by ‘the authorities’. Remember that they always have their own professionals who have opinions which may very well conflict with yours. Child protective organizations nationwide have cases where normal parents – GOOD parents who simply do things differently than the mainstream – have had their decisions called into question, been put under investigation and had their children removed and traumatized because some overzealous social worker or opinionated old-school judge disagreed with the parent’s decisions.
As a parent, there are decisions to make every single day. Sometimes you’re going to do the best/right thing, sometimes you’re going to make a mistake – but few parents deliberately make bad decisions out of malice. On virtually every issue there are two sides to consider. Then you have to weigh the information against incoming advice from well-meaning friends and family, and take into consideration your own biases before coming to a decision. In many cases, even having clear-cut medical reasoning and sound scientific grounding on your side is not always enough to combat mainstream corporate America with its death grip on dictating what is normal and acceptable and therefore ‘best’. If you doubt that, start doing some research on any controversial parenting topic and you’ll see what I mean.
Giving a child the power to question a parent’s right to decide and make decisions for themselves is ludicrous. Children do not have the knowledge or life experience to make the kinds of decisions that parents have to make every day. Parents are responsible for shaping the whole person of their child – nurturing and molding an essentially self-centered being into a productive and functional member of society. Children do not possess the forethought to see how today’s actions impact tomorrow’s results and cannot possibly be expected to weigh the required information needed to make those kinds of decisions for themselves. That’s more than many parents are capable of, which is why policies like the CRC sound like a good idea to some - to save children from incompetent or under-educated parents. Why not address the actual ‘problem’ rather than tear down the structure of the family in an attempt to fix it?
3. The best interest of the child principle would give the government the ability to override every decision made by every parent if a government worker disagreed with the parent’s decision. Um, yeah. You know why? As flawed as governments are, as stupid and biased as politicians can be, then tend to be somewhat influenced by experts in the area of child development when it comes to this stuff. Parents on the other hand can vary. A lot. There’s no requirements to be a parent other than being able to reproduce. Some parents don’t have a clue. You need a license to drive a car or to fish, but there’s no “skill testing question” you need to pass in order to parent. Some people with kids are dumbasses. Sometimes it should be up to social workers and child psychologists to interfere when the parents are doing things that will harm the child. This is one of the best points in the document.
Um, actually… NO. And here’s why:
While I agree that in some cases it might be appropriate for a government or other authority to interfere for the benefit of the child, giving any ole government worker the authority to intervene simply because they don’t agree with the parent’s decision is playing with FIRE. In fact, there are already safeguards in place within the existing agencies to protect the safety of the child – pediatricians, hospital employees, teachers, school nurses all are obligated to report suspicion of abuse or neglect to the authorities who then investigate – and even the limited powers that those agencies can be and have been exploited because of a mere difference of opinion. The system is by no means perfect, and children do fall through the cracks, but as tragic as that is, the answer to this problem is not punishing or discriminating against parents as a class of society.
You have heard the adage about opinions, right? Even the most pedestrian governmental worker can have an opinion. They may think that they know best when in reality they have little or no experience with children or child-rearing and they certainly cannot style themselves as authorities on your particular child. Giving them the power to usurp parental authority without clear, documented and proven danger or harm to the child’s physical, emotional or educational being is wrong, wrong, wrong.
For example, take the decision not to vaccinate. That’s a touchy and highly controversial topic that most educated parents labor over. Even the experts are divided on the topic. The bottom line is that as the parent, that is MY decision to make. If my decision conflicts with the opinions of others – of doctors and scientists even, is it the wrong decision? There is ample evidence on either side of that equation, so who gets the final say on whether or not I am neglecting or harming my children by not vaccinating? I feel that vaccinations are toxic and that the risks associated with getting them overshadow the as yet unproven potential benefits of getting them. I have one child whom I believe to be negatively affected by the few vaccinations he did have, and I will FIGHT to ensure that his body is not further used as a guinea pig by the entities in government who are supposed to put his needs and best interests first but don’t.
I take issue with the statement, “As flawed as governments are, as stupid and biased as politicians can be, then tend to be somewhat influenced by experts in the area of child development when it comes to this stuff.” In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with news coverage about how studies on this medical topic or that public health issue are funded by big pharma, or how policies are enacted to prevent lawsuits, or how mothers are arrested for refusing to submit to invasive medical procedures because a judge disagrees with her decision… I think it is patently obvious that governments and their agents are more influenced by money and kickbacks than they are by The Facts(tm).
My decision not to vaccinate was not one that was made lightly, or on a whim. It was a carefully and painstakingly researched decision made after long hours of contemplation, studiously examining the material available and consulting with professionals who are able to debate rationally on the subject. Because this is such a highly controversial subject, my decision is one that I have had to defend to ‘authorities’ who disagree with me. At the end of the day, my base argument is that THIS IS MY CHILD. I GET TO MAKE THE DECISIONS REGARDING HIS CARE. PERIOD. That’s my ace in the hole when dealing with people in authority positions who have a differing opinion from mine. My point in this illustration is that even when you have experts on your side, that may not be enough. I daresay that I know more about the dangers and risks associated with vaccination than your average WIC or Medicaid employee. Yet as governmental authorities, would they have the power to override my decisions, despite my superior knowledge on the subject in general and personal history of my child? The CRC certainly puts that out there as a possibility.
I think one of my main objections to the CRC is that it sets the stage, even invites the government into the family. I don’t think that’s a place the gov’t has any right to be. Personal freedom is something that American treasure – it’s a basic right that we all believe we possess and are conditioned to fight for. The CRC seems to give the child ‘rights’ above and beyond basic HUMAN rights. I think human rights cover them plenty. The US has the largest scale abuse of the legal system in the world – the CRC puts avenues in place for children to legally question every move that their parents make – which ties up already overworked caseworkers and brings them into a situation where they have no business being. Children could be removed from homes when there is nothing more than a disagreement and the CRC only gives more weight to those kids of cases. We’ll end up spending millions in taxpayer money to handle these cases (because no child I know can afford a lawyer – yet one must be provided to see to the child’s interests in the debate). There are also the costs of foster care and the wages of the additional employees to oversee each and every complaint.
I see the CRC as setting the stage for pitting parents against children. We’re supposed to be promoting family unity, not declaring all out war on parents. It seems to me that a better use for all that money would be in founding public education programs and parenting support groups, and ensuring that the places that parents already go to seek information and support (like their doctors) are giving evidence/research-based and non-biased information. Take steps to ensure access to information and protection from advertising, like starting with comprehensive sex-education in schools and banning the distribution of formula samples on maternity wards at hospitals and kickbacks to doctors for medication promotions that pharmaceutical companies are using to taint the information pool.
As for the religious components… it is a parent’s responsibility to share their beliefs with their child – to direct and guide. Yes, some take that to the extreme, but again – unless there is abuse and the child can be moved to a safe environment, then the child WILL eventually grow up and have the opportunity to make different choices. You can’t dictate every aspect of the population’s life and as a country that was essentially founded on Christian piers, most of our citizens are deeply rooted in their faith and want to share that with their kids. Some religions go so far as to teach that their way is the only way to salvation. Some faiths DO teach – as tenets of their faith – that people of other religions will not share the same glorious future; some teach that people who do not share their faith will be destroyed in a holy war. That’s not hate, exactly, but that type of mindset doesn’t breed tolerance, acceptance or help one set of people peaceably coexist with another – and that can be counted under the CRC’s anti-hate policy… which comes very close to if not treading all over freedom of religion… which is one of the cornerstones of the United States. While I personally disagree with that kind of mindset and dogmatic religious thinking, I do respect the RIGHT of any American to believe as they choose. I don’t ally myself with any organized religion, but I do believe that parents should have the right to freedom of religion and belief, and to enforce that in their own households.
I will say that I vehemently disagree with the notion that opposing the CRC has anything to do with belief in ‘owning’ our children. I think that is a rather simplistic viewpoint that does not take into consideration the many, many ways in which the CRC’s points can be mishandled or used against parents. My opposition comes into play because of my deeply held sense of responsibility to do what is best for my children, especially when my decisions are questioned by authority figures. I think that the majority of parents feel duty and responsibility towards their children – obligation to them and in that, my fellow bloggers and I are in agreement – having children is a monumental responsibility that should not be undertaken lightly.
I don’t know any parents who had children to get something out of it. There is also a sense of interdependency in virtually all of the families I know – I have yet to sense a need for liberation of the child from the tyranny of parental authority among most families. The CRC seems to me to set parents up for attack and to foster the idea that parents exist only by the grace of authority and a warning to overstep those bounds at your own risk.
I think that very few people see children as chattel – comparing the state of children to women or black people or Chinese people in the past is inaccurate because grown women and African-Americans and the Chinese are fully functioning beings. Children would not survive without caregivers – without parents to set limits that children do not have the mental skills or life experience to see the benefit of. Women, slaves and oppressed peoples have never been less intelligent or less capable than their ‘keepers’, and though children may be intelligent, few would argue that children have the same level of common sense, experience and forethought/benefit of hindsight that adults have. The same holds true for such things as medical treatment – not elective procedures that can be put off until the child is an adult, but for life-saving treatment - you betcha that is both my right and responsibility to determine the best course of action for my child’s treatment. Neither ‘right’ nor ‘responsibility’ of that statement can be over-emphasized - they are equally important and both should be minded with the utmost care.
Regarding DaMomma’s post, her ‘Parent’s Bill of No-Rights’ was posted in regard to a TN proposal that would give virtually all divorced parents 50/50 custody of (and therefore ‘rights’ to) their child. I think that using that list in defense of the CRC is misleading – when parents divorce, there are many, many issues at play and often the competency of one parent or both is called into question. In that situation, you’re already inviting gov’t into your family. The CRC intrudes where no invitation was issued and interference is unwelcome.
That said, and thought I agree with many, I also disagree with some of DaMomma’s points; I absolutely believe that I am entitled to respect – both as a parent and as a PERSON. I would be a poor parent indeed if I did not teach my children to respect others – starting with the members of their own family. It goes hand-in-hand with the idea that respect is earned, not freely given; I teach best by modeling. I respect myself, I respect my husband, and I respect my kids. In turn, I expect – and rightfully so – respect from all of those people in return. Additionally, I absolutely have the right to see my own children. Unless I have done something to them that is in such disregard for their well-being so as to require the removal of my parental rights – I absolutely have the right to see and care for my own child. Divorcing parents may need to defend that right in the light of unjust attacks on their character by a vindictive ex-spouse, but most parents aren’t, and should not be, subject to that process. Setting up government in place to superseded that right is madness.
Again, I go back to thinking that money would be well-spent in social educational and support programs that are designed to provide unbiased information – all of the information, from all sides to review and implement according to their own philosophy. Parents who perpetuate the mistakes that previous generations have made do so not because they don’t love their children, but because they HONESTLY BELIEVE that it is the best or only way to properly raise their children. I am here to tell you that I have personally seen the difference that education and support can make in a mother’s mindset and world-view. Seeing a mother who had an elective c-section, circ’d her baby boy in the hospital and formula fed make completely opposite choices after being regularly exposed to mothers with different ways of doing things reinforces my belief that access to information and support is the key – not mandating laws which seem good on the surface but open doors to the destruction of the family as we know it. I don’t think that opposition to the CRC has anything to do with ‘child ownership’. I think opposing the CRC has everything to do with the autonomy of the family and living up to the many, heavy responsibilities that come along with those rights.
Warmly,
~h
Additional Resources:
http://childrightscampaign.org/documents/OppositiontotheCRC.pdf
http://homeschooling.suite101.com/article.cfm/legitimate-homeschool-socialization-concerns
Lapbooks and Other Updates
It’s been a long weekend, I tell ya. I cannot believe that we’re already in the third week of January. Where does the time go? We’ve been home quite a bit lately since it’s so blasted cold outside (the pic is from Park Day last week with our homeschool group. We were FREEZING and ended up at my house instead) and hitting the books hard. We’re averaging a little more than 5 hours per day, which is a LOT of school time for us. We’ll slack off when spring and summer hits, so I think it’ll even out as we hit better weather. We’ve started our history timeline (a scroll version) and have gotten a lot of use from our History Passports – the kids think that is so much fun!
We’ve made several lapbooks over the past couple of months that (shame on me) I’ve been neglectful about adding to our lapbooks list. In a burst of productivity today, I’ve updated my Lapbooks Page and added several of our newer books to the list, including our Martin Luther King, Jr. Lapbook that we did in coordination with today’s holiday.
Most of the newer additions are mini-lapbooks (meaning only one file folder), and after making them I have to say that I am starting to think that less may be more. Some of our books are multi-flap monstrosities that require an instruction manual to get folded back into submission. Not that I don’t love the big, involved ones, but these mini ones are small and clean and easy to get in and out of. They’re ‘faster’ to go though, and I think that appeals to my bouncy boys. I also like that the boys have been able to do more of the smaller books themselves. I admit it; I’m a cut-and-paste junkie, so usually I assemble and the boys add info to the mini-books, then we paste it all together. But they actually made the 10 Things ones on their own and they both turned out really well.
Some of our newer additions are:
- Robots Lapbook
- 10 Things I Learned in 2010 Lapbook
- Martin Luther King, Jr. Lapbook
- The Bossy R Lapbook
I posted a bit about our holiday lessons for MLK Jr. Day on the lapbook page, so go check that out if you have a minute.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been quite busy – I mentioned it before, but a woman in our playgroup thought her kids had chicken pox so I brought the boys over for exposure. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have jumped the gun. I was so excited to have a case of CP locally that I didn’t stop to ask many questions. I’ve been irritated with myself for not confirming that her kids did indeed have chicken pox. Another playgroup mom who also exposed her kids took them in to see their pedi and they were diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease. Whether or not the first mom’s kids had it or not is unclear since she didn’t request blood work for an accurate diagnosis and confirmation. Had it been me offering up a disease for exposure, I’d have made darn sure that was for sure what it was before advertising it, but that’s just me. I think it’s also possible that the first mom’s doctor mentioned CP in a list of other things, or that she misunderstood, or that the doctor was just guessing (which would prompt me to find another doc as mis-diagnosis could lead to problems down the line) … in any case, the fault lies squarely with yours truly for not asking more questions. Hindsight is 20/20, and as much as I’d prefer my kids actually have chicken pox, next time, I’ll do more detective work before exposing my bratty kids to someone else’s germy ones. My kids haven’t been sick though, with either HFM symptoms (which would have surfaced at 3ish days post exposure and usually only is symptomatic in younger kids – mine are too old to get it, I think) or CP (which would be about now).
We had a bit of a shock this weekend; my Loverly Husband’s father passed away in his sleep sometime Friday night. He was an alcoholic, and has been off-and-on ill with complications resulting from alcoholism for the past 5 or so years, so it wasn’t a surprise, exactly, but he’d been doing better over the past few months and his death was sudden and unexpected. He and I had our differences, and I have a lot of anger towards him regarding his actions and words over the past few years, but I also recognize that he was sick and broken. I’m incredibly sad for my husband and his family that my father-in-law’s death has so many mixed emotions. I can say one thing, as much as we were at odds, he did love my kids and never treated them badly. He gets a gold star for that. Seeing my husband grieve makes me glad that our kids have each other. He’s an only child and I can’t imagine how that must feel – to lose your parent and not have anyone ‘else’.
In other news, circumcision has been a buzz word in my social circle lately. One of our playgroup moms started an ‘intactivist’ group for locals to discuss genital integrity, but so far it’s more of a choir group – all the moms are already educated on the issue and in agreement that it’s a bad thing worth fighting to abolish. That has its own joys, but I really would love to have a local place to send moms for information on the topic.
It’s always interesting to me to be on this side of the ‘mothering crusades’. I did my time as a staunch lactivist (Militant Breastfeeding Cult – huzzah!) and baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-vaxer, and I stand by those decisions. They were best for our family and I think that they are the best approach to child-rearing, period. To this day, I haven’t seen any credible research that makes me think that those practices are anything but optimal for child-development. That’s not to say that everyone can do them, or that I am tooting my own horn in saying that I did – more that we all do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Now that my kids are older, I have other issues that I soapbox about – no less passionately – but it’s somewhat odd to me to see people stressing out over things that I am totally comfortable with now.
Back to the circ thing – my boys are both circumcised. It’s a decision that I didn’t know to question when LBB was born, and I really had only just started looking into it when PeaGreen was born. Knowing even half of what I know now, there’s no way I’d make that mistake again. As a mom, it sucks to be wrong. It makes me physically ill to dwell on the thought that I made a decision that has been harmful to my child. But that doesn’t mean that I get to bury my head in the sand and pretend that the decision is right because it’s the one I made. My job as a mother is to do the best I can do for my kids, even if it means admitting that something I did that I thought was good was, in fact, bad. I have seen several moms lately say that they’d make a different decision if they had it to do over again, and I think that hearing a mom say, ‘Yes, I did that and I wish I hadn’t. Here’s the information that helped me change my thinking.’ without being negative or judgmental is SUCH a powerful thing. It goes back to ‘sharing information’ rather than ‘giving advice’. No one wants advice, because advice implies that what you’re doing is wrong. But sharing information… sharing information is vital to supporting mothers, and I think I’ll always want to be part of that community no matter how old my kids get.
Leaving you with this quote from Dr. King:
”In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.”
Now I am off to put homemade yogurt on to set, and get ready for tomorrow’s field trip to the Forbidden Gardens. Wishing you a peaceful evening and a lovely night’s sleep,
Warmly,
~h
Long Live KICORRCCGHHJ!
(alternatively titled, “Why We Don’t Scout – A Personal Commentary That is in No Way Condemnatory of Those Who Do“)
Kate Miller at GeekMom wrote an article called Cub Scouts: Wonderful or Whack?
This is an interesting article for me because I have considered this aspect of scouting myself, and came to a somewhat similar conclusion. The comments on the article naturally bring a lot of extra commentary to the table, which made for interesting reading.
I don’t have a problem with the Boy Scouts or their Laws, necessarily. I think that open discussion about each point in the BSL is valuable; teaching the kids to think critically about the meaning of each of them and how they each relates to your own beliefs is a good thing. The Boy Scout Law states:
“A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.”
I think the main ‘problem’ I have with the idea of a ‘law’ that a scout must follow is that, in my opinion, these are traits that PEOPLE should have, scout or not. Taking them one by one, I have no trouble with each individual trait as I would define it; but the official meaning of most of them does present the need a ‘qualifier’ to make them fit into my personal ideals.
Naturally, a well-brought-up young man will be courteous and kind and helpful. Meet a child’s physical and emotional needs, value him and what he says and thinks and he will grow up with that dynamic as ‘normal’ and will emulate that behavior in his interactions with others. I belive that this is a key step in developing traits such as loyalty, trustworthiness and bravery and to some extent covers reverence (defining that as ‘deeply respectful’ and directing that towards other people).
But I run into trouble when I read that, according to BSoA’s definition of ‘reverent’, I would be agreeing that ‘A Scout is reverent toward God’. As a secular parent, this would obviously present a problem for me. As a secular parent, I believe in respect for others deeply held beliefs, and teach my children to be also, but that’s all that I think can be reasonably requested. Even opening that statement up to ‘all Gods’ would be problematic; few enough people understand all the facets of their own religions much less the ins-and-outs of others. I do think that it is implied that the Christian God is the target of that reverence. One can’t personally hold deep reverence for something one does not believe in, and religious preference/choice/indoctrination would have a lot to do with which god or gods one believes in. As an organization that is ‘open to all’, I feel that such a statement and requirement makes for a lot of exclusions.
Moving on to ‘bravery; in our part of the world it’s quite common to come across people who hold bigoted world-views. It takes strength of character and bravery to challenge them, and I want my children to grow up knowing how to stand up for the things they believe in; to the fortitude and stamina to oppose discrimination and injustice. I tend to see the BSL version of ‘bravery’ more along that line than the ‘jump off a cliff’ variety (which smacks more of bowing to peer pressure and not being brave at all).
I can also agree to obedience – with a proviso… obedience when the directive has been weighed and deemed appropriate to follow. I’ve never been an advocate of blind obedience (and had many a hot seat to try to convince me otherwise), and really don’t expect it of my kids, either. Yes, of course there are some days when ‘explaining why’ is just beyond my limit of tolerance and I resort to, ‘Because I’m the Mom and I said so, that’s why!”, but really, my JOB as a parent is to help them become productive members of society. I can’t do that and expect them to comply if all I ever ask is blind obedience. At some point, that’ll backfire – as a member of a pretty strict religious upbringing – and though my parents didn’t expect blind obedience for the most part – I saw it again and again and again. The minute the kids were out from under the ruling thumb, they went wild. I don’t want my kids’ world to be filled with ‘no’ and demands for action without reason. I want them to think critically and have the wherewithal to weigh a request or demand and respond with the best course of action. Sometimes that will mean compliance. Sometimes, it may mean rebellion. I want them to know the difference and have the fortitude to act accordingly.
Clean, I actually do have a problem with. There seemed to be a lot of talk in the comments about ‘clean’ referring only to physical cleanliness, and yes, I can agree that BSoA does concern itself with the physical cleanliness of a growing boy and that’s fine. I actually have a couple of Boy Scout handbooks (they make great additions to our field trip box), and there are some sections that do deal with bodily cleanliness and care. But I have a hard time believing that BSoA is only using that definition when they talk about ‘clean’. I wholeheartedly believe that their ‘clean’ also infers ‘moral cleanliness’ as defined by the generally Christian point of view that homosexuals are ‘unclean’. This is not something that I pulled out of my hat; BSoA released a youth leadership statement in 2004 that echoes this line of reasoning:
- “Boy Scouts of America believes that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the obligations in the Scout Oath and Scout Law to be morally straight and clean in thought, word, and deed. The conduct of youth members must be in compliance with the Scout Oath and Law, and membership in Boy Scouts of America is contingent upon the willingness to accept Scouting’s values and beliefs. Most boys join Scouting when they are 10 or 11 years old. As they continue in the program, all Scouts are expected to take leadership positions. In the unlikely event that an older boy were to hold himself out as homosexual, he would not be able to continue in a youth leadership position.”
What I can agree with is that BSoA does have the right to set whatever exclusionary rules that they like, as long as they remain a private organization. However, my problem is that they market themselves as ‘open to all’ when that’s not really the case. But that’s really another post. Moving on…
For ‘Friendly, Courteous and Cheerful’, I can agree with Ms. Miller’s – ‘Get out of my personality!” I’m not always friendly, courteous and cheerful, indeed, some days I am surly, rude and full of negativity. I try to stay home on those days, and certainly teach my kids to recognize those days when they strike and attempt to stay out of the limelight. It just seems manipulative to try to ‘make’ kids agree to uphold those traits all the time. I can totally see some well-meaning parent giving her kid a guilt trip on a bad day, “Remember hun! The BSL says that Scouts are cheerful and kind!”… asinine.
Trustworthy, I can agree with, but again this is something that PEOPLE should strive to be – not something that one must be a Scout to exemplify. I really don’t see how Boy Scouts could possibly instill ‘trustworthiness’ into a child. That seems to be a parental role. Loverly Husband and I underscore trustworthiness with our kids all the time. We want a good foundation built now so that when they’re 16 and asking to borrow the car, we can trust that they’ll go where they say they’re going, with whom they say they’ll be with and be back when they agreed to be back. Talking about trust and granting small freedoms now as their level of maturity and responsibility indicates lays that foundation far better than any Boy Scout activity ever could.
“So, enough with tearing down TLHFCKOCTBCR. I want to prepare for the day when BSA calls and begs me to rewrite the Boy Scout Law for them. Here’s my official redraft:
“A scout is kind, inquisitive, creative, open-minded, resilient, resourceful, confident, collaborative, globally aware, honest, helpful, and just.”
I guess that would be KICORRCCGHHJ. These are the qualities I think a boy should aspire to as he grows into a man. Or a girl into a woman for that matter. Or a transgendered child into a… oh, you get the point.”
I guess we’ll just have to work on instilling those traits into our kids without the Boy Scouts.
Huzzah!
~h
Just a Normal Homeschooling Mom
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Two people searched that phrase today and found my blog. That made me start thinking about what it means to be a ‘normal’ homeschooling mom.
On the one hand, I consider myself pretty normal; conventional, even. Traditional, certainly. We’re a family consisting of a married man and woman, with the requisite 2 children (sans dog), living in a single-family home on the outskirts of a moderately sized American city. My Loverly Husband works and is the ‘breadwinner’; I am a homemaker (that hates cooking) and I drive a mini-van (don’t hate; I was adamantly against it until I owned one). My husband works a normal work week, we have relatives that live nearby and maintain a pretty close familial relationship with our siblings, parents and grandparents, typical familial squabbles notwithstanding.
As a mother, I have always been somewhat outside the mainstream. I chose midwives to deliver my babies with instead of OBs. I went into labor spontaneously, naturally and planned natural labors (though that didn’t work out exactly according to plan) and my babes were both born vaginally with no cuts or other artificial assistance. I breastfed exclusively. I made my own baby food. We co-slept, cloth diapered (part-time) and opted out of vaccination. I breastfed through my pregnancy with my second child and tandem nursed my babies. We never used babysitters; only family ever watched my kids and those occasions were (and still are) few and far between; not because we don’t have options or because we don’t trust anyone, but because we actually enjoy spending time with our kids. That’s normal for us, and I’m used to being different from others in this respect.
As a homeschooling mom, we’re right in the middle. We’re not too rigorous, nor are we totally relaxed. We use both books and computers for schoolwork. For the most part, I feel right there in the thick of ‘normal’. There are times though, that I feel like I’m really out there on the edge. I think that the determining factor is who I’m surrounded by in that moment. As a homeschooling mom, I should be part of this enormous and growing community of women who support each other and reassure each other in their endeavors to educate their kids. But as a secular homeschooler, I’m one of the smaller sub-sections of homeschooler for whom there is little support – much like ‘homeschooling dad’ or ‘working homeschooling mother’ or ‘homeschooling grandparent’.
Thankfully, the secular homeschooling community is growing by leaps and bounds. Even just over the past year, I’ve noticed more groups and blogs that speak to secular homeschoolers popping up. Searching ‘secular homeschooling’ nets more and more sites every week. That’s a great thing, because that means that what is considered normal is changing. The more label-specific groups open up, the more diverse the general homeschooling community becomes, which in turn helps to re-define ‘normal’. I sincerely hope that other niche groups of homeschoolers will also grow, further shaping society’s perception or normalcy.
I’m very fortunate to be a part of a growing and active local support group. The benefit to me and my children in having like-minded homeschoolers to meet up with definitely helps shape my idea of normal. As it is now, I am happy to be a ‘normal’ homeschooling mom, especially when my definition of ‘normal’ means that I get to have bright pink hair and kids with freshly cut mohawks.
What’s your normal?
Warmly,
~h
Silly Questions
Every once in a while, I come across questions posed to homeschoolers. Sometimes, they’re well thought out questions from people who seem to genuinely want to understand why homeschoolers might make the decisions that they do.
Other times, not so much.
Offering up the benefit of the doubt, let’s say that these questions are in the ‘sincere’ category:
1. Is it worth trading a childs social life for a “better” education?
To put this question into perspective, here’s the author’s position:
Homeschooling is a great way to make a child book smart. The down side is that homeschooling hinders social development. Homeschool kids tend to become brilliantly educated and social retarded. By sheltering your child, you prevent them from learning how to deal with everyday social situations. Homeschoolers are shy for the most part and lack interpersonal skills.
Le sigh.
Honestly, I find this laughably ignorant. This assertion caters to two homeschooling stereotypes, that homeschooled children become some kind of super-students simply by virtue of being ‘home schooled’, and that not growing up in an institutionalized environment somehow creates socially inept citizens. Neither stereotype is true, yet people really seem to enjoy perpetuating them. Other bloggers have clarified the ‘socialization vs. socializing‘ distinction, so rather than re-hash that, I’ll link and let you read Smrt Mama’s post outlining the differences between the two.
I think that an important point in this question is the idea that a child’s social life is or should revolve around peers. My ‘social life’ as an adult is filled with people of all ages. By virtue of being homeschooled, my children’s social circle also includes people of all ages – children both younger and older than they are, and adults of all ages with whom they have little difficulty conversing – much more so than they would have if there were stuck in school for 8+ hours every day. I think that the wider age range of social contacts that most homeschoolers enjoy is far more indicative of ‘real life’ as an adult than the segregated peer groups that most schools employ. I also think that many people place more importance than is due on socializing. Yes, children need to have friends of similar ages, but they’re better socialized when they are not limited to peer groups for social contact. So in short, I don’t think that there is any ‘sacrifice’ involved in the social life of homeschoolers.
2. Are you really qualified to teach your child if you don’t have a teaching degree?
Absolutely. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if I were not fully capable of managing my child’s primary education, then the school systems that educated me (which include both the local public school system and homeschooling) have fallen short of their mark.
Another misconception that I have run into numerous times is that homeschoolers ‘do it all themselves’. Again most, if not all, homeschooling parents I know take full advantage of the bounty of resources available to homeschooling students. From videos and teacher’s manuals to mentors and fully supported online curriculums and local remedial teaching centers, none of us who homeschool are going it ‘alone’. Additionally, many homeschooling parents reach out to the online support communities and local support groups for more hands-on help and encouragement.
I’ve posted about gaps in education before; neither educational system is without gaps. The primary goal of education is to impart basic skills (reading, writing and foundational maths) and the know-how to obtain the information one needs when one needs it. Both the public school system and homeschooling teachers augment those basic skills with a variety of other core information and even among public schools, there is a wide range of what is considered ‘core’. Homeschoolers don’t miss out on that any more than if they moved from one ISD to another during their school career.
3. Which would be better for the child: homeschooling or active parental involvement in public schooling?
The fallacy in this question is assuming that both methods have equal effect for the child. The structure of homeschooling is in no way comparable to a brick-and-mortar classroom setting. In a homeschooling environment, one or two children are the focus of the teacher at all times. Even in larger families, the ratio of student to teacher is still far less than you would ever find in the public education system. No school can compete with that level of individual attention. That alone has tremendous benefit to the student.
Ask yourself this: if you were learning a new skill, how would you learn faster? In a classroom where you will be expected to progress at a set rate regardless of your individual ability, or with a dedicated mentor at your side and ample time to master each step of the process? Homeschooling is in no way a cake walk. It is hours of work and study and preparation on the parent’s part – and that’s before the child even enters the picture. Few parents take on the monumental task of being the primary educator for their children. Those who do are committed and dedicated. When education is free and available for the taking, for a parent to choose another path speaks volumes.
The most dedicated and involved parent in a school is only as effective as the system allows. Even volunteering in parent-teacher groups is only as effective as the system allows. Most schools don’t allow parents in the classroom as regular volunteers; they consider them a distraction. Most teachers are set in their ways, so suggestions or ideas that upset the apple cart are overlooked or disregarded, or impractical in large group settings. Speaking from experience, it was incredibly frustrating to see improvements that could be made, suggest them, be willing to work to implement them, and have those efforts go exactly nowhere. As a homeschooling parent, I feel like my efforts on my children’s behalf are far more effective and worthwhile.
4. How do you plan on developing your childs social skills if you are homeschooling them? Homeschool groups are like social special ed classes and don’t help children develop social skills that can be applied later on in life.
Dictionary.com defines social skills as: the personal skills needed for successful social communication and interaction. Most children learn ‘social skills’ at home, before they ever school. Basic social skills are reinforced every day – how to wait your turn, how to stand in a queue, to be polite, to be respectful. One need never set foot inside a school to master basic social skills.
Homeschool groups and co-ops are excellent opportunities, though not essential, for both socialization and social growth. Any type of ‘group’ setting is an opportunity for social growth, and an opportunity for bettering your communication skills no matter what your age. Library book clubs, doctor’s office waiting rooms, in line at the grocery store, visiting the park – all are opportunities for social interaction – a venue for practicing one’s social skills, and better at actually exercising them than at a playdate or event where you know everyone there. Improving communication is an ongoing process that should not end. Sad would be the day, indeed, when one feels that s/he hasn’t anything left to learn about communication and interacting with people.
It’s obvious to me that the person posing these question has little interaction with ‘real’ homeschoolers. More likely, he or she is repeating what’s been overheard, or is letting fear speak for them. The heavy focus on social opportunities makes me think that the questioner is a young person as well. From that perspective, I can see how you might fear such a scenario when you’re accustomed to the daily social gathering of ‘school’. I hope that I’ve answered these questions with my usual mix of sass and insight. Feel free to add your own replies in the comments!
Warmly,
~h
Socializing With ‘Normal’ Kids
If there’s one area of interest that I share with Christian Homeschoolers, it’s the desire to have a strong social network of like-minded peers for my children.
I want my kids to see other families placing importance on issues that we feel strongly about. I want them to see and hear the things that we believe reinforced in their peers’ actions, conversations and beliefs. I want my kids to know and interact with other people out there who share our world-view and mindset. I feel that this is a key point in helping my children find their place in the world.
Unfortunately, living a secular lifestyle in the Bible Belt makes that desire somewhat challenging to fulfill. Though we have an active secular homeschooling support group, we’re far from the majority. ’Normal’ people around here attend a Christian-based church. Most people admit, and prefer, that their primary social network is deeply rooted in the church. Even people who don’t attend church regularly espouse some religious preference or bias and still tend to form relationships with people who share an affinity for their chosen religious leanings. Though religious diversity is finally starting to trickle down this far south the vast majority of people, especially in the homeschooling community, are of a Christian denomination.
For the most part, that’s fine. Like most ‘normal’ people, our family places importance on being fair and considerate, being respectful to and of others, being a good neighbor and continuing to ‘better’ ourselves, and on other basic ethical principles. But that’s really where the similarities end.
We don’t place emphasis on the Bible or any other ‘holy book’. We respect that other people do, but it is far from an infallible source of authority in our home. When there’s a question, we don’t ask ‘what would Jesus do’, we talk about how doing XYZ ‘feels’ or how that might impact you in the future, or look to history to see how a similar action turned out. When faced with questions that can’t be answered, we emphasize that it is okay not to know all the answers and again encourage focusing inwardly to explore how different paths feel for you as an individual. We feel that it’s our job to guide them on their journey, not direct them on a path.
It’s just as important to me to have these concepts reinforced in my children’s social circle as it is for your average ‘normal’ mom to want her ideals echoed in her children’s peer group. It’s even more important when the issues are more complicated; things like LGBT rights, family planning and reproductive rights, sex education and sexual activity, language, censorship… there are many issues that we feel differently about than your average bear. It worries me that my children might be deemed a ‘bad influence’ when they’re around ‘normal’ kids just because of differences in opinion on what ‘right’ is. My children recognize injustice and hate, even when it’s painted with the church’s brush, and aren’t afraid to decry it. Some people find that offensive and though I feel that’s their issue and not ours, justifying wrong as ‘right’ in the name of religion is not something I want my kids exposed to.
So how does one go about establishing connections with like-minded people? The internet, of course! Something I have been looking for, and finding, is other secular and inclusive groups in my area. Granted, my ‘area’ has grown to include cities over 3 hours away, but still. There are more than a couple of close-ish groups that specifically call to homeschooling families that eschew the stereotype and not only are ‘secular’ but have members who practice religions other than Christianity.
I believe that making these connections now, while my kids are young, will afford them opportunities when they’re older. Expanding my reach and field of vision is important if I want them to think and live globally. I feel that the key to respect is exposure – exposure to differences of viewpoint and lifestyles that challenge their concept of ‘normal’; exposure to art, literature, ideas, beliefs and religions that aren’t represented or respected in our community. It is important to me that my children learn to look beyond external extensions of their peers and see the person as a whole; to find what is similar instead of what is different.
I’m fortunate to have found a local community of like-minded families to spend time with. I am glad that my children have friends who are being raised similarly, whose parents answer questions with the same sort of mindfulness that I strive to consider when replying. As the secular homeschooling community expands, I look forward to meeting other parents who share that world view, and the additional opportunities that will be available through those connections. Very fortunate, indeed.
Warmly,
~h
Secular Musings
Why is there a need for a secular homeschool group? Why would you join a secular homeschool group?
This seems to have come up in response to an inquiry I made of some of the other homeschooling groups in the area. There is a free class for teachers and homeschooling parents through the TX Parks & Wildlife called Project Wild that we’re about to participate in, and since we need to have X number of people to set up a local class, I contacted some of the groups in the area to see if they might have an interest in this as well. Somehow, that ‘good intention’ has morphed into widespread fear that I might be trying to ‘bring the homeschooling groups together’ for some strange and scary ‘interfaith’ activities that may or may not be designed to subvert their kids away from the church.
Le sigh.
I love the picture above, because it is the personification of what is wrong with faith-based groups. They don’t understand, and they don’t want to understand. I am reminded of Chris Tse’s words in his amazing poem, “I’m Sorry I’m a Christian“:
…so confident of my own beliefs that I would never even think to think about thinking about yours.
Why ‘secular’? Mainly… because I am not ‘one of you’. I don’t feel comfortable in your groups because everything you say (esp. re: history and science and Biblical ‘truth’) is presented as fact with no room for discussion. I don’t share your convictions on those points; why would I subject myself to an environment where there is only room for one truth and not even respect for anything else? That is why we both need, and have, and have joined, a secular group.
My question to you is, ‘Why can’t you do anything without it being steeped in your faith? Do you not derive strength and fortitude from any other source? What would you/will you do if ever your faith is proven to be false? Will you cease to have a reason to live and give up all hope or will you still find that you are the same, concerned, loving parent intent on doing the best you can for your kids? That sounds sarcastic; I know it does, and yet it is an honest question.
I have long left the faith I was raised in and have remained constant. I am still the same person I have always been and I manage do so on the sole merit of my own authority, not because of faith or belief or religious dictates. I have not changed. What I believe and believe in has. I refuse to allow adherents of any religion to dictate how I feel about things, what I can see, what I can listen to, who I can be friends with or grant them authority over any other aspect of my life and lifestyle. I’m both capable of and interested in doing those things for myself.
All that said, I really do think that the Christian homeschooling community at large gets a bad rap a lot of the time. I think that the vast majority of homeschoolers are probably ‘normal’ people. They laugh at funny jokes, they watch TV, they like music – you know, normal. It’s that vocal few who have the drive (or narcissistic personality disorder?) to start and successfully run a homeschooling group who end up speaking for the group because that’s what group leaders do – whether or not all the members of a group feel that way, simply by being associated with XYZ group, people assume that you feel that way, too. For example, in my group, there are several moms who are deeply religious. I know, right? I’ll wait a minute while you reconcile that shocking thought in your head…
… Yes. DEEPLY religious. As in, their religion defines them as people and dictates their behavior and response in any given situation. I’d definitely call that deeply religious… and yet they are in a secular homeschooling group. Why? Well, because the tenets of their faith do not jive with the tenets of the already-established faith-based groups in this area. Or maybe because their main goal in homeschooling is to educate, not indoctrinate. Or maybe it’s because we have a planned group activity every week. Or maybe it’s because our motto is “Triangle Homeschoolers – This is the place where people are awesome to each other.” Either way, association and participation in a secular group does not offer commentary on the state of our members’ faith or religious convictions. Just because the group as a whole does not lean in any one particular religious direction does not mean that the members are not zealous in their own beliefs. Think ‘separation of church and state’.
Bottom line is that I (and by extension, my group) am in no way as influential as you seem to think. While it would totally rock if that were so, it’s simply not true. If a secular group is not for you, then don’t join it. We are no threat to you or your children or your beliefs or your faith-based group. My advice would be to simply ignore what doesn’t apply or appeal to you. Better yet, why don’t you come see what we’re all about before you make up your mind?
Warmly,
~h
(Sorry for the 3-days late SecThurs post… I am back-dating it though, which is cheating, I admit, but this post needed a LOT of editing.)
ADHD, School and Homeschooling
Last night was the first support group meeting of our local ADDA-SR group. I was impressed. I don’t know what I expected out of it, but I was both surprised and pleased, and am so very glad that this is going to be a resource in my area.
Although I haven’t looked into it extensively, homeschoolers dealing with attention disorders don’t seem to have a lot of web-presence. My perception is that if you’re homeschooling an ADHD/ADD child, that’s no longer the focus of your day – you’re able to make the modifications to their educational program and style that are needed, and it’s not a ‘thing’ – it just becomes how you homeschool. After Googling it this morning, I did find a couple of interesting things – a lot of lip service about ‘being flexible’ and ‘incorporating action into learning’, but nothing was really specifically geared towards helping homeschoolers deal with attention disorders in the homeschool environment. I don’t know if that’s because we don’t find ADHD to be an issue when homeschooling, or we homeschoolers just have different issues that aren’t being addressed by the ‘experts’… maybe a little of both?
Something I did find interesting was this from Carol’s Web Corner:
1. We don’t homeschool. What can we do?
Of course you homeschool. You just call it helping with homework…For the child in the traditional classroom, you must appreciate how VERY difficult it is for our ADHD kids to keep control of their impulses in a room with many children. The noise level and the panorama of things in motion will elevate their level of excitability. The distractions are almost dizzying for them. They are almost destined for trouble. I’ve heard it said that a teacher trying to teach this child in such an environment is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it’s running.
This was a primary motivating factor for our decision to homeschool. LittleBoyBlue was not accomplishing his work at school, so we would spend hours doing homework. In effect, I was sending him to an 8 hour daycare, in which he received assignments, he came home and we ‘did school’ – only a very rushed and frustrated version of it because he’d just spent the previous 8 hours ‘doing school’, slipped some family time in before dinner and bedtime – only to do it all again the next day. No wonder we were all so very, very tired.
Being able to move at our own pace, which to some degree is motivated by the children’s natural rhythms, is much more productive for our family. One of the topics discussed at the ADDA meeting last night was that ADHD/ADD children generally have sleep issues – getting to sleep, staying asleep, getting quality sleep. I know this to be true for LittleBoyBlue. When he was a baby, he never slept more than 2 hours at a time, He woke frequently, and did not nap. He did not seem to need as much sleep as other kids, but he also tread a very fine line between ‘fine’ and ‘overtired’. If he slipped into overtired mode, then sleep was impossible to come by. I walked for miles to get this child to sleep most nights. When we were in school, sleep was imperative to his performance, and it was noticeable when he didn’t sleep well, which was most of the time. Being forced into someone else’s schedule was detrimental to his sleep cycle. Being told, ‘You HAVE to go to sleep!!” for several hours only added to his stress and inability to go to sleep, I’m sure (mommy fail moment)… homeschooling allows him to stay up later, follow his own routines and wake up naturally rather than being forced into a false time-table. I see this is hugely beneficial to his education.
Though attention disorders in homeschoolers exist, they’re not a ‘problem’ in the same ways that they are in a classroom environment, but it’s still an issue. How we as homeschooling parents deal with them is the main difference, I think. Homeschoolers aren’t bound by the need to balance the needs of 20 plus students – we may have only 2 or 4 kids and a unique understanding of our particular child, which goes a long way towards creating an environment in which the child can be successful.
I read most of Nurture Shock New Thinking About Children yesterday. I thought that this was an interesting book – not necessarily ‘helpful’ but interesting. Some of it was new info to me, other bits, I was aware of (or thought anyway). I was rather annoyed at the assertion that ‘following your instincts’ was really a product of societal conditioning; that’s a statement and stance that we’ve always taken with our kids and since our position on how to raise our children is in conflict with the vast majority of society, I fail to see how that applies… unless the book is written for people who fall into more mainstream ideas, in which case it makes perfect sense. One of the comments that a reviewer made on Amazon was that there’s a feeling of ‘so what?’ for parents. Even knowing these things about children and how they grow and learn, there’s not a lot that you can do about it in school. The school system is set up how it is set up and most are not open to change just because research suggests that this change might be in the best interests of the children. However, if you’re homeschooling, then you have a lot more freedom to change your child’s environment to match these needs.
One of the recommendations in Nurture Shock I found to be absolutely fascinating was the Tools of the Mind Early Childhood Education program. I found this book, Tools of the Mind – a Vygotskian Approach to Early Childhood Education, which I think is the same program (but am not 100% sure). As a parent with an ADHD child, I really wish I’d seen this method years ago. Another topic from the meeting last night was ‘executive function’, which TotM is designed to teach. For us, this comes in to form of oral work, narration and short writing assignments, games, having finger fidgets or an activity for his hands while I’m reading aloud… meeting him where he is.
Our speaker asked how we teach ‘listening’, pointed out that the ADHD child has no internal monologue to help them self-regulate, and that they get confused when too much stimulation is thrown in their direction. We covered the differences between ADD (inattentive), ADHD (hyperactivity), ODD (which is completely different from ADD/ADHD) and behavioral and personality disorders. Many symptoms overlap and each disorder can mimic another – so having the correct diagnosis for your child is crucial to successful treatment. There was a lot of emphasis on medication for treatment; I remain unconvinced that medication is a first step treatment option. Based on what I have read about medication (any meds/all meds to date), long-term research either shows detrimental results or has not been conducted to my satisfaction with results that indicate that the risk of not taking them would be less than the possible side effects or long-term effects for us. I am not ‘anti medication’. I am anti-medication for now. We have avenues of treatment that have not been explored yet. Obviously, your mileage may vary – this is merely my position on the subject relating to my specific child. You’ll get no judgment from me if you’re contentiously medicating!
As a homeschooling parent, I don’t find my son’s attention disorder to affect our homeschooling day in a way that we can’t adapt to most of the time. I wonder how much of ADHD’s bad rep is because of our unrealistic expectations for our children – to think that a 5-year-old little boy can and should sit at a desk and be still and quiet is unreasonable. It is beyond the reach of the vest majority of small children, yet we routinely strip them of their coping mechanisms and heap even more expectation and stress on them – no wonder attention disorders are on the rise!
Of course I do recognize that there are chemical components to ADHD that need to be addressed. But for us, regulating sleep, adjusting our environment and expectations, not pressuring our child to do or be something that we know is outside of his capabilities – those steps have been enormously helpful in ‘treating’ the symptoms we see. Using a checklist, he clearly has attention issues but homeschooling allows us to accommodate him and makes him less aware of them, which makes them… less of an issue.
Overall, I am extraordinarily interested to see what this support group offers over the next few months. Though the group seems to be geared mainly towards teachers and professionals, parents are most welcome, and homeschooling parents, I think, are an underrepresented group in this dynamic. If you’re a homeschooling parent to an ADHD child, I’d recommend looking up a group in your area and seeing what they have to offer.
Warmly,
~h
P.S. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed… the tag isn’t called ‘rambling thoughts’ for no reason! {wink}
Summer Reading Clubs are Bad? WHAT??
So… I found this article this morning, Why My Children Do Not Participate in Summer Reading Competitions (It’s a free downloadable article, but I think it’s only available until today). Since we just wrapped up our highly enjoyable SRC, in which we participated fully and absolutely adored, you can see how this might have piqued my interest, yes?
I’m all for differing opinions, but the suggestion in this article is not merely that the mom in question doesn’t like them or chooses not to participate – she suggests that enrolling your child in reading clubs like the SRC’s could be damaging… Well, of course, anytime someone suggests that what I choose to do with my children might damage them, I’m interested in exploring their assertions more fully.
One of the things I came away with is that some of the opinions that the author expresses are apparently based on the assumption that the child is the only one involved in the SRC, and if that is the case, then I do kinda agree with her. If the SRC is the only avenue that the child experiences encouragement to read in, then the potential for the child to focus on the reward and not the book content is there. On the other hand, many SRCs are set up because of the fact that it truly may be the only exposure to encouragement in reading that some children have.
If the child is not being encouraged to read at home, then participation in the SRC may ultimately serve to help that child develop a love of reading. Even if they focus on the reward at first, the chance that at some point they’ll stumble on a book that really grabs them is high. For a lot of kids, myself included, regardless of the home environment and attitude towards reading, reading is a chore. It wasn’t until I was in 5th grade and came across the Nancy Drew series of books that I fell in love with reading as a hobby – and I was reading ‘well’ in the 1st grade. Until I found Nancy Drew, I LOATHED reading – and I come from an extremely pro-reading childhood home.
‘Holding a prize in front of a child or setting a deadline may distract the child from taking adequate time to comprehend the material, enjoy it, or improve reading skills.’
This statement seems to assume that the children are reading on their own, and that no parent is going back over what they’ve read with them. That simple step can avoid her whole point here. Right now, my kids don’t always enjoy reading. They enjoy the things that they choose to read, but we do have some stories or chapters that are assigned to them to read that works in conjunction with another assignment or project. If an incentive will help them get through the assignment, then I am all for it. As far as comprehension goes, my kids are not reading and then left to understand or not on their own. I’m right there with them, reading along with them or going back over the material with them. I don’t think that there’s a single book that my kids have read that me or my husband have not been interested in enough to discuss it with them.
As for enjoyment … well, I don’t think that all reading is supposed to be ‘enjoyable’. Sometimes, you read something because you need to know information that is contained in the text. Sometimes, you read in order to get where you’re going with a minimal amount of distraction. Sometimes you read so that you’re not agreeing to something you didn’t intend. Teaching kids that reading is always enjoyable, or only to be enjoyed is the wrong message. Now, granted, when you’re talking about new readers you do want them to have a certain enjoyment in it, but I can tell you from my experience, had I not been required to check out at least 2 books from the library I never would have found Nancy Drew. Had I not been required to write a book report, I never would have actually sat down and read the book. The only reason I ever even opened it was because of the deadline and threat of a bad grade over my head. So again, what the author of the article says about reading for enjoyment, I disagree with.
On reading to improve reading skills… I tend to think that any reading is going to work to improve your child’s reading skills, but especially books that they choose. Reading clubs encourage your child to pick books – books of their own choosing – to read. Presumably, your child will pick books that appeal to him, but even if he’s being a turkey and just grabbing 2 off the shelf, he might find accidentally grab something that he’ll enjoy.
PeaGreen isn’t a terribly proficient reader, but he found lots of books that he wanted to rad for the SRC. LittleBoyBlue is a really good reader, but he’s the one who just grabs 2 to fulfill Mom’s requirement. It wasn’t until we stumbled upon the non-fiction books about wounds and first aid (with photographs of real injuries) that his interest was piqued. In both cases, the books that they read did serve to encourage them to read more, which by default will improve their reading skills.
‘Worst of all, if the child does not fulfill the full requirement to earn the prize, he or she may feel like a failure, associate it with reading, and avoid reading in the future.’
At the risk of being snarky, I think that’s a big stretch. I think that a child’s perception of success, especially a young child, has a LOT to do with the parent’s assessment and view of the situation. Any parent worth her salt can help a child re-think his view of a situation, even a ‘chronically inflexible’ child like mine. I have yet to see a SRC’s minimum for completion be something that is terribly challenging to achieve. If, as a parent, I know my child has this goal, wouldn’t I do everything I can to help him reach it? All the clubs I know of just had a number of books that a child must read in order to complete it. Our library’s number was 20. Over the course of 2 months. Hardly unattainable, right?
In light of that, if my child can’t reach that goal, then the first person I’m looking at to find out why is, frankly, Mom. What was I doing in all this time that prevented me from helping my kid reach this goal? And even if something happened this summer and we just really could not focus on something as frivolous as a reading club, then I would venture to say that as a parent, it’s my job to help my child understand that sometimes life simply gets in the way of the fun things we want to do. Explain that next summer will be here soon enough and we can try again, and try to come up with something that we can do to in the meantime to help him reach that goal (like a bedtime reading boot camp, or keep books in the car and read on the road…). We can’t always have what we want, and we have to learn to be adaptable.
Aside from that, we’re not always going to win. I think that avoiding competition in order to ‘protect’ my child from feeling like a failure is an erroneous strategy. A child doesn’t feel like a failure because he didn’t win or didn’t reach a goal. He feels like a failure because the people around him aren’t supportive. If my child didn’t succeed this time, then I think it’s my job as his parent to help him put that into perspective and help him set new goals. Whatever happened to ‘winning isn’t everything’? Participation and having fun are just as important, and if it truly is a competition, then learning how to lose gracefully is just as important a lesson to learn (perhaps more important, since there is usually only one winner – odds are that you’ll lose in life more than you’ll win).
The other point that the author brings up is the much debated issue of ‘payment for good grades’. When my kids were in school, we often combated the dreaded “I don’t wanna get dressed and go to school” complaint with, “Well Dad doesn’t want to go to work every day either, but he has to and so do you. School is your job, just like work is Daddy’s and keeping the house up is Mommy’s”. Well, leave it to my incredibly clever LittleBoyBlue to retort immediately with, “Well Daddy gets paid to do his job. We don’t get paid to go to school.” o_O
So yeah. We devised a plan reminiscent of real life whereby doing your job well nets you a reward (income). Doing it poorly results in consequence (loss of income). Then we decided that school was annoying and decided to homeschool, which pretty much makes the issue of ‘grades’ moot (though we do actually keep ‘grades’ – but it’s not quite the same as in school because we’re not on a schedule that pushes through to the next thing regardless of comprehension.)
I do agree with this wholeheartedly:
We learn best what interests us and what is enjoyable to learn…. Grades are punitive in and of themselves as they judge and rank our children.
… and with her other points on grading as a system of assessment in institutionalized educational settings. Homeschooling is an entirely different bag-of-yarn*. I agree that offering a reward or incentive of cash for A’s may not work for every kid, but it’s also not always the big, horrible, always-negative thing that the author seems to be making it out to be. Like so many things in parenting, I think it’s going to be an individual kid, individual family type thing. What works for me may not work for you – but that doesn’t make either one of us inherently wrong. It just makes us different.
Warmly,
~h
* for my loverly husband, who was trying to think of ‘ball of wax’ this morning and came out with ‘bag of yarn’ {wink}
Religion = good behavior?
(Notes on this post: I was gone all afternoon on Thursday, so this is my Secular Thursday post for this week, even though today is Saturday; and this post comes about in contemplation of this article, Study: Religion is Good for Kids.)
I consider myself a spiritual person in that I have a strong moral code and set of beliefs about deity that I adhere to in order to explain the unexplainable, and my beliefs may or may not agree with yours. I’m really fine with that. I even enjoy discussing religion as a topic, and as long as your plan is to merely share your beliefs and not to attempt to bash me over the head with your Jesus stick or shove your bible down my throat in a misguided attempt at ‘saving’ me, then even if we fundamentally disagree on every point, in my opinion, we can still be friends.
Now, before we go much further I will admit that, living in the Bible Belt, when I hear reference to ‘religion’ I automatically assume that you’re talking about Christianity. I realize that I may be showing my small town southern roots here, but since most of my comments about the theory of “religion=good kids” are in relation to how some Christian authors tell you how to raise kids and my own experiences with Christianity, and since the resulting clashes in child rearing philosophy between what they advocate and what I think is good and right have left a somewhat negative impression on me, that’s my bias.
If you’ve read here before, then you may have seen commentary about certain so-called ‘Christian’ authors who advocate practices that can only be described as child abuse. I have been fairly vocal about my opinions of such authors, but have not really delved into the ‘why’. Aside from the obvious, my personal child-rearing philosophy is quite different from theirs. Even if you take away the abusive aspects, I would still not recommend these authors’ ideas because of the way they perceive the nature of a child to be (i.e.: sinful and selfish, out to manipulate, etc.)
To be clear, I am in no way saying that all Christian parents are abusive, nor am I equating a religious upbringing (regardless of sect) with abusive households in every case. What I am exploring here is my own experience with a Christian upbringing and the tendency among Christian parents to use corporal punishment as a first line of defense for all transgressions, both small and great, to control and coerce children into what is viewed as acceptable (and therefore ‘godly’) behavior.
I really have a problem with them using religion as an indicator of behavior in small children. It sends the message that the end result justifies whatever means you use to achieve that. For lots of Christian families, the tools they use can border on abuse, both physical and emotional. I am not outright opposed to spanking as many are, but I do think that we parents are surely intelligent enough to reach our children without resorting to physical punishment from the get-go. From my own experience, we were spanked without consideration of the external factors that contributed to the situation and were usually expected to accept punishment with a minimum of fuss or else face additional punishment if we failed to get our emotions under control within the alloted time frame. We were expected to ‘straighten up and fly right with only a word, because we knew that the consequence for failing to mind was severe and painful.
In such an environment, of course the children will ‘behave’ – they’re terrified of getting into trouble! I was always looking for a way, any way, to avoid getting in trouble. Telling the truth netted a spanking most of the time, as would lying, but a lie would delay the spanking for however long. When you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, what would you do to save your butt? It’s hardly fair to compare the behavior of children from a home where the parents, because of their religious beliefs, require strict obedience and/or a joyful attitude even in the face of painful punishment to those who come from homes where the children are treated as whole human beings with the same rights owed to them as any adult. You wouldn’t punish your friend who was grouchy because she was hungry or tired, you’d make excuses for them, or offer them food or facilitate a nap if possible. Why are children, who are less capable of attributing grouchiness to another need than adults are, not worthy of being treated similarly?
If you take out the word “religion” and substitute “strong moral code”, then I pretty much agree with much of what the article says. I don’t think that any of the results that the researcher found would not be able to be duplicated in an environment where the parents had a strong network of support from similarly minded peers (for example, regular attendance at a playgroup, parenting support group or homeschooling group meeting). Frequency may play a role, and as few of those other type groups are so rigid or structured as religious services the results may not be exactly comparable, but I don’t think that the characteristics that they polled (behavior, self-control, social skills and approaches to learning) are limited to ‘religious’ families – I think it has more to do with support in general.
One of the primary ‘lessons’ I came away with as an adult is to hide emotions. Even now, I am not all that great at reflecting how I am feeling and it took me a long time to stop ‘acting’ happy when I darn well wasn’t. That’s not what I want for my kids, and even though it is more challenging to watch them act how they feel, it is comforting to me to know that my children are in touch with their feelings, and we’re all learning to communicate and address needs better because of it.
The last paragraph of the article reads,
“There are certain expectations about children’s behavior within a religious context, particularly within religious worship services,” he said. These expectations might frustrate parents, he said, and make congregational worship “a less viable option if they feel their kids are really poorly behaved.”
I assert that ‘poorly behaved’ is a misleading phrase. If ‘poorly behaved’ means that my kids are more impulsive (because they didn’t get their hands slapped every time they reached for something) or less apt to sit still for long periods of time (because they weren’t threatened with a wooden spoon if they wiggled during church) or be quiet when they feel they’ve been wronged (because they weren’t conditioned to accept punishment because they’ve probably done something to be punished for that wasn’t witnessed), but you know what? I’m okay with that. In fact, I prefer it.
I saw a tee-shirt the other say that said, “Know Religion, No Peace. No Religion, Know Peace”. While I don’t think that’s necessarily true in all cases, I find it to be a provocative statement that might be worth your consideration.
Warmly,
~h
World Breastfeeding Week 2010
In an article that I wrote for our local Macaroni Kid Newsletter (You can see it at Whole Mothering Center with the images in tact; MK’s site doesn’t allow images), I challenged breastfeeding moms who’ve stuck with it through difficulties, for several years, and/or nursed several babies to talk and/or blog about what aspect of breastfeeding it was that made them love it so much. I don’t think I’ve ever posted many pictures of me breastfeeding my babies, now 7 and 8 years old, so I’m going to do that in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week.
I’ve worked with several organizations over the past 8 years; this picture is of me at the first La Leche League meeting I went to after PeaGreen was born (I’m actually breastfeeding both boys and holding a conversation all at the same time *gasp*). In that time, I’ve heard so many stories – of success, or failure, of hard work, of everything working beautifully from the first moment to mom ultimately deciding that breastfeeding just wasn’t for her. I’ve watched women become more confident, I’ve watched them struggle with criticism and bad advice and the stories are both satisfying and infuriating to listen to or read.
My own experiences lean more towards the ‘overcoming difficulty’ camp but are overall absolutely wonderful. I would not trade nursing my babies for anything. It’s something I always knew I would do. My mom nursed my brother for a year, my grandmother and aunts all nursed; it’s just how the women in my family fed their babies.
When LittleBoyBlue was born, it took a while for both of us to get the hang of it. He had a fever when he was born and so spent some time in the nursery. I didn’t know then that it was hospital policy to give ‘sick’ babies a bottle. That screwed us up for weeks! He ended up with nipple confusion (a condition where the baby tries to breastfeed by using their tongue in the same way he would use it to drink from a bottle – it doesn’t work; its two completely different mouth and tongue movements) and promptly put blisters on my nipples and made nursing extremely painful.
Even asking for help from the nurses didn’t get much help; the nurse who came in to help get him latched on brought in a bottle of glucose water and stuck that in his mouth to ‘get him going’, then tried to shove him onto my breast – then she left before he ever started sucking with a, ‘You’ll get the hang of it!” thrown over her shoulder as she exited the room.
All told, it took about a month of cringing every time he was hungry. I had sore, raw and bleeding nipples and there were days where I just cried at the thought of nursing. I remember one day having ENOUGH and getting out the hand pump and fully intending to stop torturing myself.
Somewhere at the four-week mark, I started thinking that maybe something was wrong. I pulled out my books and started looking back into all the breastfeeding sections of the pregnancy books that I’d skipped over. I’d naively assumed that just because I wanted to breastfeed, and because it was natural that it would just work. That it would be easy. It never once entered my mind that there was technique involved, or mechanics that all had to be right in order for comfortable breastfeeding bliss to be enjoyed.
Once I started reading, especially the ‘troubleshooting’ sections, I figured out that my stubborn babe was tucking his bottom lip in instead of making fish lips. That was what was causing so much pain and frustration. I went in and flipped his lip out and was amazed at how much of a difference that one tiny thing made. Of course, it still hurt – I needed time for my nipples to heal – but wow – the difference was incredible. From that point on, things got better every day.
At some point right around this time, I recalled my friend’s mom mentioning La Leche League and something about breastfeeding help. I decided to see what that was all about and gave the local leader a call. I remember asking her if I could bring the baby and she said, “Yes, please do!”. That first meeting was really neat. I met several other breastfeeding moms and was introduced to the baby sling (as a mother, which is wholly different from seeing a woman with a sling baby when you don’t have kids). That event helped make me into the mom I am today. Oh, I’m not crediting LLL with shaping my ideas – those were in place long before LLL. But being involved with LLL meant that my ideas were continually reinforced to the point that I didn’t question myself the same way I would have if the only mothers I’d been around were formula feeding. The prevailing mindset of LLL moms is more earth-mama-crunchy-granola-attachment-parenting, and though I was already there, I might not have been as comfortable with talking about what I thought was right for my kids as I now am. I can wholeheartedly credit LLL for succeeding in their mission of support in my case.
Knowing what I know now, I would have gotten involved in LLL or another breastfeeding support group during my pregnancy instead of waiting until I was having problems. The camaraderie of the mothers and support provided in that kind of environment is invaluable. Even now, one of the things that I learned then that I took to heart most was the need for support as a mother. Having your choices reflected back to you by mothers you respect is the ultimate validation, which gives you confidence. It’s also nice to have several mothers whose experience you can draw from when you’re struggling.
With PeaGreen’s pregnancy, I was still nursing. LittleBoyBlue was only 9 months old when I got pregnant and again, being involved in LLL gave me access to information that I might not have had otherwise, and put me in touch with other moms who had nursed through a pregnancy and tandem nursed. I’m sure that seems odd to some people, but for me, nursing was such a normal part of how I mothered my child that I just wasn’t ready to change that. Even at 9 months, LittleBoyBlue was obviously not ready to wean, so we just didn’t. I got a lot of criticism – from family, from nurses and even the midwife I saw at the beginning of my pregnancy. There wasn’t much published on nursing through pregnancy or tandem breastfeeding (nursing two children of different ages) at the time, so I once again turned to La Leche League.
I was put in touch with Hilary Flower, who was writing the book that became Adventures in Tandem Nursing. She sent me some info to bring to my midwife, which made such a difference in my own peace of mind. You can only hear that you’re doing it wrong so many times before you start to wonder if you really are doing it wrong. Turns out I wasn’t, and we continued breastfeeding through my pregnancy. When PeaGreen was born, he latched on like a pro (though I was surprised at how different nursing a newborn was compared to nursing a 19 month old babe; I’d forgotten how small new babies were!) and within a few hours of his birth, we were officially a tandem nursing trio.
Tandem nursing wasn’t something I set out to do; it was simply the best option for us for a variety of reasons. I’ve had a few friends who found themselves pregnant while still breastfeeding and some have continued to nurse and some have not and I respect their decisions fully. I would not choose to do it again, though if I found myself in a position where it was necessary, I would. Looking back, I think that we made the right decision.
Aside from the numerous documented and obvious reasons why breastfeeding is superior to artificial baby formulas, think that the relationship of the nursing pair is a big part of what draws mothers to it, especially if they’ve breastfed before. You have this connection with your breastfeeding child that you don’t have when you bottle feed. It’s not even about what’s in the bottle (though I am adamantly opposed to formula for my babies); it’s about nurturing at the breast. That’s not something that you can replicate in other ways. You can come close, but it’s just not the same. So many parenting books equate breastfeeding with a ‘nutrition only’ mindset, and if that’s how you look at it then you’re really missing out on a huge part of what makes breastfeeding so special. It may take work to get to the point of breastfeeding bliss, even for the experienced nursing mom – but once you do, it’s so worth it.
Warmly,
~h
Warning: Unsocialized Homeschoolers
It still amazes me sometimes that people actually still think that homeschoolers = isolated religious nuts who fear contact with the outside world. I am also somewhat surprised when its reinforced that people really do equate the peer segregated social outline of school with preparation for ‘real’ life, and that they hold the school socialization model up as the ‘standard’ to which all other forms of socialization are held against for measurement and validation. In my opinion, all of those things are false. Lets’ examine them one by one, shall we?
Myth: Homeschoolers are isolated.
FACT: (Obviously, I am not a super-scientific researcher, so I’m just going to tell what I know to be true for my family. I’m sure that others out there have similar stories and I’d love to read them in comments.)
Since we started homeschooling in January, we’ve been much more active in our community than we had been since the boys started going to school. We have always sought opportunities to volunteer or community activities that we could participate in, once they started school our time was severely limited. We really only had time for school and school activities. It was great that the school they went to offered social opportunities for the kids outside of class time in addition to extra curricular academic opportunities, but being involved there meant that we were not able to participate in more diverse, community-based activities.
Now that we’re homeschooling, we’re not limited to the same group of people and that one location all the time. Through our local homeschooling group, we’ve met new people and have been able to travel for educational field trips all across Southeast Texas that we wouldn’t have been able to do had we still been in school. Finding time to stay home has been a constant complaint because we’ve had the opportunity to do so much more since we’re not tied to the school’s schedule. Even though we’re not involved in classes or sports, I’d hardly call us ‘isolated’.
Myth: Homeschoolers do so for religious reasons / do so to limit contact with people who feel or believe differently.
FACT: WikiAnswers has a question: Is socialization a problem for homeschoolers?
Here’s the answer listed there:
Generally speaking, the main point of homeschooling is to regulate/limit a child’s contact with external social influences and information deemed ”undesirable” by parents. It is a form of parental censorship. By limiting a child’s contact with people that have values outside the family’s religion and political views, the parents succeed in conditioning their children in ways they think appropriate.
I was homeschooled while growing up and something that I realize looking back on my childhood is that the majority of the homeschooling families that I knew ONLY socialized with other homeschooling families, that shared similar religious/political values. Do you think that this constitutes proper socialization?
Okay, I just have to get this off my chest: I was also homeschooled and my experience was quite different. If your parents didn’t put much effort into seeing that you grew up to be a well-rounded adult, that’s probably a comment on a much larger problem than just the homeschooling aspect of the equation, and you don’t get to make assumptions about all homeschooling families or their motivations because of it. Additionally, just because you’re in public school does not mean that you’re raised any differently. Parents always have the responsibility to ensure that their children are taught to use the minds they were born with no matter how they’re educated.
Whew! Now that that’s out of the way… if you’ve read my blog before, then you know that the reality of ’the homeschoolers are religious’ myth is a loud, resounding ‘Not all of them!’ We certainly do not, and the entire community at SecularHomeschool.com will tell you the same thing. Some families are. Many families are. Perhaps even the majority of homeschooling families are – although truthfully, I’m not even sure that I’m convinced that the majority of families homeschool for religious reasons anymore. Almost daily, I talk to someone who is starting to see that the public education system is broken, perhaps beyond repair, who has ideas about possibly homeschooling their kids. While they may eventually gravitate towards a group that shares their religious views, that’s not always the primary reason someone might choose to give homeschooling a shot.
There are several issues with the listed answer to that question. The first word, even, puts a lie to everything that comes after it. I would assert that ‘generally speaking’, the main point of homeschooling is to ensure that your child has an education that will prepare them for life as an adult. For some, that comes from having a child who has fallen through the cracks in the public school system. For others, the public school system is so visibly broken that they never even enroll their child. Others may have a child who is a non-traditional (or non-conformist) learner and find that home education fits his or her needs best, finding that such a child flourishes in an environment where the teacher-to-child-ratio is higher rather than failing in a group environment.
Sure, there is a portion of the homeschooling community who choose to limit their contact and association only to others who share their views, but that’s hardly something that is limited to the religious community, nor is it always necessarily harmful. As a secular homeschooler, I prefer the company of other secular homeschoolers to that of those who are religiously based. As a mother, I prefer to be around parents who practice an attachment parenting style rather than mainstream parenting (and I shun outright Babywise and Pearl parents). As a person, I prefer to be around people who share my interests rather than hose who don’t; I prefer friends who are happily married to those who are single – segregation according to preference or belief is nothing new, it’s not going to go away, nor is it catastrophically damaging to children. I’d rather my kids grow up with parents who believe in something rather than have them floundering for some kind of foundation. Many families feel similarly and many of them choose religion to be that base. I don’t and lots of other families have other things that they feel strongly about and seek validation in that stand from others who feel similarly. It only becomes an issue when you cannot accept and respect your child’s right to believe as he or she sees fit.
As parents, we shape our children’s beliefs every day. You couldn’t avoid doing it if you tried. While some parents go too far with it – instilling (or trying to instill) discrimination, racism, hate of those who look or believe differently, at some point those kids will grow up and be exposed to the outside world. At some point, those kinds of thoughts and the actions that may go along with them become their own. Many, many people who grow up with such things realize that what they were taught was wrong and choose to change and choose not to perpetuate that cycle in their own kids.
Myth: The classroom/school social model is the standard to which all other models must compare.
FACT: Ummm… why? No, really – I want to know why that is considered the gold standard. Before you enter school, and once you’re out of it, you’re never again segregated into groups by age as you are in the classroom. In real life you are surrounded with people of all ages, some older and some younger, who hold different roles. Each of those roles has a place in your life and children learn how they interact to form a family or community.
In the classroom, it’s not maturity or intelligence that dominates – it’s outward appearances. Pretty girls, athletic boys, kids who wear the ‘right’ jeans or sneakers… I think that’s one of the main reasons that or culture is so superficial; why Americans are so obsessed with what celebrities are doing and why we’re all so materialistic. I think it’s safe to assert that the accepted standard of socialization is what’s brought us to the consumerist culture that we’ve become.
The article that brought this issue to my attention (and profound need to comment on) is here, Research on the Socialization of Homeschoolers from the Homeschool Legal defense Association of Canada. My favorite part of the conclusion is this:
Home schooled students do not lag behind conventional students in social development.
A 1992 study compared the behaviors and social development test scores of 70 home schooled students with those of 70 public and private schooled students. The results showed no disparity in social development between the groups. In fact, home schooled children showed fewer behavioral problems, causing the researcher to conclude, “The results seem to show that a child’s social development depends more on adult contact and less on contact with other children as previously thought.”99. Shyers, Larry (1992). Comparison of Social Adjustment Between Home and Traditionally Schooled Students. Ph.D. dissertation. Univ. of FL.
I have to say that I see that conclusion as logical. Children don’t have the mental or emotional maturity or life-experience to lead other children. Remember Lord of the Flies? The classroom is only different when a teacher is present and paying attention. What strikes me is that those findings are from an eight year old study. If they’ve known that since 1992, are they just hoping things will change? That somehow, children will be better guides for other children if they just let this model continue? As my friends are familiar with me saying… How’s that workin’ for ya?
In my humble opinion, socialization is always going to be the responsibility of the parents, no matter what educational model you pursue. Homeschooling doesn’t limit your socialization opportunities; it broadens them. Some parents will find that mandate to be more challenging because they have to work a little harder to make it happen. It means that we have to be friendly and outgoing and meet people so that our kids can see how it’s done. It means that we need to be involved in community projects that open the doors to communication with the people in the smaller communities within our cities or towns. It also means that as our kids grown up, we have to step back and trust that we’ve done our job well – that our kids can use the tools we’ve taught them to make good decisions for themselves. And as long as you haven’t raised a clubber-of-baby-seals, then I think you can safely pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
Warmly,
~h
Experts and Their Assorted Opinions
If there’s one thing I have learned since becoming a parent, it is that everyone, including those who have never met your kids and those who have zero experience with children, period, seems to think that they are child-rearing experts and that despite the fact that you never once asked for their opinions, feel the need to share it with you – and then have the nerve to be annoyed at you for disregarding their advice. It’s even worse when said would-be advisor actually does have a little bit of knowledge or experience – as if that somehow makes them the expert on this situation or on your child and requires you to be grateful to be on the receiving end of such gems of parental wisdom. Strangely enough, this isn’t a phenomenon limited to new parents. Take a hungry or over-tired 7-year-old child out in public and see how much ‘helpful’ advice you get, or tell someone about the experience and see how you ‘should have’ handled it.
Meet the REAL Experts: We call them “Parents”
If there is one thing that I want to say, one message that I want to get out into the world, it is this:
Parents, please remember that YOU are the expert on your child!
No one is more uniquely qualified to handle your child better than you are. In saying that, even the terminally argumentative can surely figure out that I am automatically disqualifying anyone who doesn’t like their kids or kids in general, is a selfish or immature parent (or is otherwise incapable of putting the needs of someone else, whom they’re entirely responsible for, ahead of their own), or who has been declared unfit or had their parental rights stripped, from inclusion that statement. If that’s not you, then you’re already aware that every decision regarding your child’s care and upbringing must be made with your child’s needs in mind – and no one knows more about your kiddo and how his or her needs might best be met than you do[1].
The problem in our society is that we forget that. Much like when we’re pregnant and at the OB’s office we mysteriously forget that the last 30 years living inside said body pretty much makes you the expert on anything that happens with or to that body the moment that the OB tells you whats best rather than offering an opinion on what might be a possible course of action or treatment and letting us decide (but that’s another issue).
When it comes to our kids though, as new parents we’re often looked upon with condescension – like somehow we’re not capable of deciding a course of action. We forget that by the end of the first day, a new mom has had more hands-on time with her babe than anyone else (excluding NICU families here – but you get the point). In most cases, that, added with the biological imperative that parents have to protect their young gives the new parent a distinct edge that cannot be duplicated.
I’m not saying that new parents shouldn’t ask for or listen to advice or support – far from it! Even the most experienced mama benefits from having a helping hand in the first few weeks. My point here is that we should take note of who we’re asking for advice and support, what their qualifications for giving advice are, and why they’re giving it; what their motivation in advocating that course of action is.
Just recently, I’ve spoken with 2 new moms, one who was using Babywise as a guide, and one with a ‘helpful’ MIL who probably meant to be but in reality was anything but. In both cases, the mom in question’s natural instincts were intruded upon to the point that she really couldn’t tell which way they were pointing her. I sincerely hope that both of those moms ended their conversations with me feeling more in control of their own mothering. One thing that my business partner and I tell our clients is that when seeking mothering advice, find someone who is the mom she wants to be, or one who has the kind relationship with her kids that she wants to have and ask that mom for advice. Or at the very least, ask that mom for book or website recommendations. Asking someone who is not doing what you want to do, or isn’t selling what you want to buy is just going to end in frustration and possibly hurt feelings.
It seems that asking friends or family would be a good idea, and it certainly can be – but not always. Your mother, sister, aunt and all love you and want only the best for you and your child, but often their advice comes from a desire to validate their own choices, regardless of whether they’re actually happy with the choices they made. That sounds harsh to say, but it’s true. Our choices are validated when others follow suit. When we make different choices than our mother or mother-in-law did, effectively, we’re saying that her was is/was wrong and that she wasn’t /isn’t a good mother. It’s not something many will verbalize, but unconsciously it’s there and often causes conflict. If that’s the case, reassurance and validation can go a long way towards mending that relationship without compromising on the things you believe are best for your child.
Something else to consider is the timeline. Information changes! What was commonly done 10, 15 and 20 years ago is contraindicated today. Sleep training with the ‘Ferber Method‘ is still touted as the way to go, but many don’t realize that Dr. Richard Ferber recanted his advice on sleep training and actually recommends the exact opposite of what he once promoted. Even this notorious ‘expert’ now bows to the superior wisdom of the parent on the subject of ‘what is best’ for their own families. Putting cereal in baby’s bottle at days or weeks old was commonplace is now widely regarded as dangerous, yet many grandmas (and pedi’s here in Southeast Texas!!) still tell new moms to do just that ‘to help baby sleep’.
We tend to forget the value in ‘been there, done that’ advice. Take a moment to examine the issue you’re having and seek advice from those who have experienced what you’re dealing with and most importantly, have solved the issue in a way that is compatible with your personal philosophy or parenting goals. There are moms groups like La Leche Leagueand Attachment Parenting International support groups that specialize in supporting parents and making sure that the advice shared among the parents in their groups is factual, effective and research-based.
Take breastfeeding, for example. Many new moms seek breastfeeding management advice from their pediatrician. On the surface, that seems to be a good idea, but look closer and you’ll find that there are much better sources of information. Pediatricians are generally not specifically educated in the normal course of breastfeeding. They’re trained to look for pathology – medical problems that need medical solutions. If your baby is not gaining weight, then their first course of action is often to supplement with formula, whereas a lactation consultant – someone who is specifically educated in breastfeeding management – knows that formula supplementation is a slippery slope that often has detrimental effects on breastfeeding. An LC knows that there are steps to be taken that are better at solving weight gain issues that will preserve the breastfeeding relationship and will support you as you take them. Bad information from ill-informed, uneducated or out-dated sources leads to adverse affects on your milk supply, which can (has and does!) lead to mom feeling like she failed at breastfeeding, which can lead to depression[2].
Another source of bad breastfeeding information is relatives and friends who either did not breastfeed or did not breastfeed successfully. Women who, in many cases, also got bad information from their pediatricians or friends and relatives. Having such ‘helpful’ expressions of doubts and constant second guessing only erodes mom’s confidence and ability to be effective at instinctively navigating her way through nurturing her babe. Worse, passing on bad information only perpetuates the cycle of failed breastfeeding attempts. In the age in information, it’s easy to find credible information online that addresses most topics, but we need confidence in ourselves to be able to overlook face to face instruction and go with something as impersonal as a website or article.
That’s just one example – where the baby is born, where the baby sleeps, how often baby is to be held, how the baby is diapered, whether the baby is vaccinated or not – it seems that each and every aspect of parenting is up for challenge by someone. As support people, we need to be aware of the things we say to new moms and dads. Sharing our negative or horrible experiences with pregnant and new parents is virtually always detrimental. What new parents need is encouragement to do research – read, ask questions, attend support groups – gather information! There’s an adage about ‘when you know better, you do better’. That’s the position that many of us ‘experienced’ moms find ourselves in – having a wealth of knowledge and experience and knowing how it feels to learn something years later that would have made a difference in the choices we made. It’s tough to see someone making the wrong choices, but who is to say what’s right or wrong?
We need to encourage the new parents in our lives to trust themselves – trust that they can make good decisions – and then we need to step back and trust in their ability to do right for their own families. After all, they’re the ones who have to live with the choices they make. If the baby sleeps in their bed, then trust that they have a good reason for doing so, and let them do it. If they nurse the baby every hour, trust that they’ve done the research on how breastfeeding works and that they know their baby best and can accurately determine when the best time to feed the baby is.
As mothers and fathers, we need to learn to be more proactive when learning about the options we have, and to be more assertive when it comes to advocating for what we feel is on our kids’ best interest. We also need to learn to listen to what the doctor/therapist/neighbor/mother in law says and take that into consideration, but ultimately one of the perks of being The Mama [3] is that you get to make the decision. Let’s make sure they’re good ones.
Warmly,
~h
[1] I have found that many disagreements regarding parenting issues come when one parent (the primary caregiver) wants to do one thing and the other parent (often the ‘breadwinner’) wants to do something else. Most often, that dynamic is mom-at-home, dad-at-word so for the purposes of this illustration, that’s the dynamic I’m using. If your sitch is different, then replace pronouns or monikers as needed so that the shoe fits.
If communication or disagreement with your bread-winning hubby or partner is an issue, then the analogy of ‘mothering is my JOB, just like XYZ is your job. I take it as seriously as you take your job, by reading, looking up information, consulting with professionals and peers in my profession (i.e.: other mothers) and continually endeavoring to do my job better – just like you do. As the primary caregiver, this is the course of action I feel is best based on my ‘training’.‘ may work – with tweaks and expansion as required by your family’s dynamic.
[2] I went looking for articles to back that statement up and found mostly articles that dealt with a mom suffering with PDD or clinical depression who is also breastfeeding and the guilt associated with stopping nursing. I probably could find other material, but I am satisfied just speaking from experience – I have personally worked with mothers who suffered an onset of depression (both diagnosed and treated and who went undiagnosed) after they ‘failed’ at breastfeeding. I use the term ‘failed’ very loosely here as in most of those cases, it was a lack of good information and mis-treatment of a breastfeeding management issue by what should have been a trusted professional (i.e.: pediatrician, OB, L&D nurse or nursery nurse) that was a direct result of the ‘failure’. They were cases of the medical system failing the mother by not providing adequate resources for the health and benefit of their clients, yet most mothers will not see it that way. They internalize it as a personal failure – which can and does lead to depression and long-term negative impact on the woman as a mother.
[3] or The Papa, or whatever your chosen role and honorific {wink}
Sex Education in School
I woke up to this today, reposted on Facebook: Massachusetts School District Under Fire For Condom Policy. In stark contrast, Texas maintains an ‘abstinence only education’ policy despite the rising number of teen pregnancies in our schools, which obviously shows that ‘abstinence only’ education really works! [/sarcasm] – well, after the picture…
Isn’t that an awesome picture? I think it illustrates exactly the atmosphere that abstinence only education breeds. All the while, parents are sticking their heads in the sand and hoping that their kids aren’t doing it too. And they’re wrong.
Sex Education in schools is a topic that is woefully under addressed. I really don’t see why this is not a more openly debated topic in Southeast Texas. Well, I know why it’s not, really. We have a disproportionately large number of churches to other buildings here. The religious right has their finger firmly in that pie, and who knows what it will take to release the masses from their death-grip on the idea that ‘sex=sin’. I just don’t understand why so many people go merrily along with it instead of openly advocating for their kids to have access to the education and information they need to make better choices.
Here’s the rub: if abstinence only education (AOE) actually worked, then teaching it would be fine. I was even fine with a trial period to test the theory. But it does not work. A cursory glimpse of any research on the topic will tell you that. It didn’t work for us; why on earth would we start thinking that it will work for our kids? AOE leaves our kids vulnerable. Not informing and arming our kids through education leaves them wide open for exposure to disease, pregnancy (and the subsequent very grown-up decisions one must face with an unplanned pregnancy), being talking into having sex before they’re ready (which can lead to depression and self-esteem issues) and a host of other complications as well. Even if a child is coerced into having sex before he or she is ready, at least a condom will lessen the risk of having a permanently life-altering physical consequence from the encounter.
Some parents don’t even want their kids to have access to basic biological information and terminology. Many go so far as to deny their kids information about how their bodies work and the changes that take place in them as puberty begins. ‘Carrie‘, anyone? I’ve seen this attitude first-hand here in Southeast Texas. One of the programs that my BFF/business partner and I tired to implement a couple of years ago with our organization was a ‘body awareness’ class targeting mothers and daughters. The target age range was for mothers and girls about to enter puberty. The class was designed with two goals in mind – to provide a basic education of how the female body works and to increase communication between mother (or female guardian/trusted female relative or friend) and daughter by addressing and opening the floor to topics that may be uncomfortable to bring up. We were met with outright opposition to the very idea of talking to girls as young as 9 or 10 about their monthly cycle and the development of breasts – as if frank discussion about such topics was somehow obscene. Some moms were profoundly offended, despite the fact that we clearly were not addressing sexual topics other that just a very, very basic mention of the mechanics. We also sought to encourage moms to open a dialogue about the other issues surrounding sex and ‘sexual activity within the context of their own individual belief systems’ with their children. We were not pushing anything onto these people, other than the idea that ‘girls need education’.
Boys do, too – don’t for one second think I am leaving them out. I have two of them on the precipice of puberty and that is a mind-blowing thought. But I can tell you that the discussions have already begun. At 8 and 7, my boys know where babies come from and we’ve talked about physical intimacy in roundabout ways. But the time is fast approaching where they’ll need more information and just because I’m squicked out by the idea of my sons thinking about having sex does not give me the right to withhold information they need in order to do so safely. Recognizing that gives me the opportunity and responsibility to continue talking with them about when it is right to have sex within the context of our belief system. Those types of discussions contribute to their ability to make the decision that is right for them.
The argument that sex education encourages kids to have sex is ludicrous. Sure, you might (I kinda doubt it, but the possibility exists) have a handful kids who would not otherwise have had sex until someone told them about it, but I would assert that those few kids have deeper issues in their lives that have impacted that decision than having access to condoms. I would further assert that for those children, having access to birth control would go along way towards preventing additional complications in their lives.
My opinion is that proper sex education gives children the knowledge and confidence in their bodies and beliefs to say no until the time is right for them, and when it is right, to engage in sexual activity with their own futures and safety, and the futures and safety of their partners, in mind.
Loverly Husband and I have recently begun watching the series Mad Men, and in one of the first episodes a young woman is at the gynecologists office and asks for birth control pills. He gives them to her, but threatens to take her off of them if she abuses them. He says that just because she is safe now doesn’t mean that she has to be the town bike (or some such nonsense). As if it is his right to monitor the sexual activity of a grown woman! The thought that ‘we’, being parents, the church, the school – anyone who is not the person (‘underage person’ though they may be) in question – can dictate to anyone else when the time is right for them to engage in sexual activity is asinine. Who told you when the time was right for you to have your first sexual experience? Did you get permission? Did you use protection? I didn’t! And I was damn lucky that there were not lifelong consequences resulting from that decision. Do I ever want my kids in that position?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I think that open dialogue with our kids is the only way to help them understand that sex is not something that should be taken lightly. That the possibility of pregnancy always exists, even with protection. That ‘sex’ is not always ‘intercourse’. That prophylactics can fail, leaving you open to exposure to disease. That you may feel differently after you’ve had sex. That other kids may see you differently after you’ve had sex. That it will probably feel good. That No means NO. That sometimes, sex is just sex. That intimacy and sex are not the same thing. That waiting doesn’t make you a loser, or immature, or a prude. That you have absolute autonomy when it comes to your own body.
There are so many issues surrounding sex that should be addressed, and I think that many parents put those intense and uncomfortable discussions off because they either think they have more time (forgetting that our babies grow up so lightening-quick that if you blink you might miss it…) or they are so uncomfortable with the topic that they avoid it.
Sex is NOT going to go away – and if YOU don’t talk to your kids about it, someone else will. In fact, if you’re not talking to your kids about sex, they probably are talking to someone else about it. Someone who may not share your views on sex. Someone who might be younger or less experienced than you. Someone who might be misinformed. Someone who might give your child bad information.
If you’re having a hard time getting sex ed into your child’s education, here are some books to help get the discussion started:
- The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls
- My Body My Self for Girls
- The Boys Body Book
- My Body My Self for Boys
- The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear From You About Sex
- Let’s Talk About S-E-X
- It’s so Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families
- Sex and Sensibility
I have some of them, but I haven’t read all of those. I am buying a couple of them to ensure that we have plenty of material to work with. I consider myself a pretty open-minded mom, and progressive parent. While I don’t want my kids sexually active at a young age, I do want my children to have a healthy understanding of sex as both a biological function and as an expression of love with their partner. As much as I’d love to believe that I’ll know when my kids have their first sexual experience, realistically, I doubt that I will. In any case, I’d rather have my kids getting condoms from somewhere or someone than having this be our new life:
Warmly,
~h
PSA: Get Out There and Support Your Roller Girls!
As a woman, have you ever thought about joining a team sport? I know I certainly had not… at least until our ‘family skate night’ started getting all these chicks in black fish-nets and hot pants showing up. I knew they were my kinda girls – and lo and behold, they were derby girls! I tried it, and ultimately it’s not for me to play, but I LOVE seeing my sister play! My sister is a roller girl – she’s a jammer for the Spindletop Rollergirls and she is amazing.
There are a lot of misconceptions about roller derby – that it’s violent or dangerous, or that it’s not a kid-friendly environment or that it’s a ‘rough crowd’. While there certainly may be elements of that in some areas, it’s not a dynamic that I’ve seen – and certainly it’s less violent than other team sports! The people who love roller derby are there to support the athletes and enjoy the game – just like any other sporting event. And since many of them are completely normal in every way – some have children with them, even babies – they’re polite and friendly and kind, just as you would expect.
The women who play roller derby are not who you think they are, either. Sure, they may be tattooed or have hair that’s dyed a funky color and names that might scare you off, but once you strip away the Roller Girl Persona, you’ll find moms, lawyers, housewives, entrepreneurs, teachers – women you see at the bank or the grocery store – or your kids’ school! Watching these women on and off the track is a pleasure – you can see how hard they’ve worked to become a single unit with every interaction between team mates. That camaraderie and confidence has to carry over into other areas of their lives. How Roller Derby Can Save Your Life is an article that talks about the seldom-seen from the outside benefits of being on a team, and it’s what made me want to write this post. Women often think that sports are ‘not for them’, and derby is helping to change that. It’s a cool think to see!
Think roller derby is not for kids? Think again! Every game we’ve been to has had a ton of kids there. Roller derby isn’t such a formal game that the kids are banished to seats, sitting still for hours on end. It’s a fast-paced game with lots of people standing up and hollering and cheering. There is usually a lot of space for kids who are more active, so they can get up and play – even running around is fine. Encourage your kidlet to pick a favorite team member – make posters and yell her name. She’ll be flattered to see her name glittering in the team’s colors. And if you’re homeschooling, there’s a math lesson to be had in the counting and points system, as well as an opportunity to talk about pack behavior (tie that to wolves) and team sportsmanship.
Ever thought about playing roller derby? First of all, throw out your preconceived notions. Roller derby is a sport, first and foremost. These women are athletes – they train hard, they play hard. But they do it with safety in mind. That’s not to say that injuries don’t occur (just ask Ruby Ridikule, whom we wish the very speediest of recoveries…), but then you get nifty things like titanium rods inserted so you’ll never break that leg again! Just like any sport, there is an element of risk – but what’s life without a little bit of terror thrown in to keep you on your toes? Ask any roller girl why she does it and she’ll probably mention something about skating being cheaper than therapy. That was mentioned in the article and I know that’s true because I’ve actually heard other roller girls say something along those lines. Aside from getting into shape – and I’ve watched several of these women shape their bodies and get toned and fit over the last year and a half – it’s also a great way for “me time”. There are also opportunities for you to get your family involved in your sport. My sister’s husband and daughter often train with her in both team-planned and free time sessions – biking, outdoor skating, running – it’s a great way for families to get some exercise together, too.
If you’d like to give it a try, pick up your gear – you’ll need skates (you need derby skates, not roller-rink skates), knee and elbow pads, mouth guard and helmet:
and head out to Manning’s Roller Rink on College and give the Recreational League a try. They do have a couple of sets of borrow-able gear, but if you want those, come early!! The Rec League meets every Sunday at 8PM and it’s $7.00 per person (must be 18). If you’re not in this area, then check your local roller rinks and see if there’s a derby league in your area.
If playing isn’t for you, then commit to taking your kids out to see a game. Check here to find a League in your area. Be sure to check the Apprentice League section for newer and not-yet-listed leagues. You’ll have a great time, and so will the kids! Not sure how roller derby is played? Watch this beforehand so you know what’s going on: Roller Derby Explained . Learn more about Roller Derby at the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association website.
Cost Effective Eco-Consciousness
I’ve been trying to write this post about the dilemma that I, and I’m sure lots of moms on limited budgets, have. The issue is the high cost of organically and/or availability of locally grown produce, and the cost of ‘green’ or ‘natural’ cleaning, beauty and household products vs. mainstream ones. Thrown into this issue as well are the extremely high and un-covered by insurance alternative healthcare options like homeopathy, herbs and supplements, acupuncture/acupressure and other such things are. It seems that the things that are less chemically toxic, better for the environment and that promote overall health instead of merely masking symptoms are usually out of reach when you’re not in that top 10% of the financial bracket.
This post was prompted, in part, by this article over atPeaceful Parenting‘s blog. The point of the article being posted on that blog was absolutely valid – the question, “Are we really saving money on groceries today if we have a bigger health bill tomorrow?” is definitely one to ponder. The issue I have with this lies in the comments section. I was appalled and annoyed at the judgement and condemnation that I saw there. Only one person mentioned the financial straits that some parents are faced with that makes the grocery game (and learning to play it well) something that some families need to do in order to feed their families.
For me, personally, our situation is not that dire but learning to coupon better and keep track of what we have on-hand and what we need to add to that for specific recipes would stretch our grocery budget. In some cases, that would mean not choosing the ‘greener’ option but choosing to buy what I had a coupon for. That’s not to say that I don’t make better nutritional/less processed choices when possible, but I’m inclined to make my dollar go as far as it can, and if playing the grocery game can help with that then I’m willing to do that. The problem is that articles like that one, and the comments that accompany it make me feel like I’m spinning my wheels – instead of getting healthier by eating better, am I un-doing whatever the good stuff has done by picking something ‘less’?
Then the conspiracy theorist in me comes out to play… the part of me that says, “Sure, you can eat better foods, but you can’t avoid the toxins in literally every other aspect of your life. The air we breathe and the soil our local produce is grown in is tainted beyond redemption thanks to the oil and paper/logging industries that keep our local economy afloat.” And let’s not forget about the insecticides that the county comes out with to keep the mosquito population from carrying us away (and the Off! that I spray my kids down with when they’re going to be outside for a long time – which we have to use because they’re allergic to the soy-based alternatives we’ve tried – and going bug-spray-less means lots of skeeter bites that itch, which means lots of lidocaine being slathered on because they’re allergic to bites, without which leads to infection and scarring - so, a little deet is the lesser of about four evils in that scenario).
It makes me wonder just how much of the organic/green buzz is pure propaganda. Does it make THAT much of a difference what you eat and what you clean your house with when so many other areas of your life are filled with toxins and chemical exposure that you cannot avoid? I just don’t know.
In the process of trying to write this post (this is the 3rd draft…), I kept getting distracted with the thought that a lot of my complaining when it comes to the cost factor sounds like excuses. Even though some of it is valid (like the probability that companies who make many of the greener products have caught on to the fact that people will simply pay more for those products and have no incentive to bring the cost down to a more comparable level), a lot of it comes down to choice. very time I start to say, “It costs too much”, I get conflicted with the fact that we spent $7 at Chick Fil A the other day. Granted, that’s the only time we’ll go to CFA until the week after next, but still… Then there’s the fact that if I worked, finances would be less of an issue (but then, not really, because at least during the summers, I’d only be working to pay for childcare; and the toll that working would take on my family would be prohibitive as well – so me working really isn’t an option).
What I’ve come to realize is that the good thing about being truly eco-conscious is that as long as you’re willing to forgo the flashy, showy, “Look how AWARE and INVOLVED in SAVING THE EARTH I am!!” stuff, keeping your home clean and eating with organic in mind is not all that hard to do. Frugality goes hand-in-hand with eco-consciousness, so thrift shopping and recycling clothing and household goods happily plays into this as well. Things like cleaning with vinegar, baking soda, borax, essential oils and castile soap – and making your own soaps and bath/beauty products. The fun thing about that is that it doubles as a hobby – so that’s more bang for your buck! Instead of buying re-usable shopping bags, make them from old sheets and clothing. Better yet, help the kids make and decorate them! Call it arts and crafts {smile}. Curtains, toys and decorating can also be liberated from old clothes and sheets. Art quilts, re-purposing old tee shirts and sweaters, even fabric scraps can be made into something awesome.
Let’s not forget about gardening and composting and vermicomposting! If you have boys, this is something they’ll dig most enthusiastically (girls, too – I’m not being sexist, lol). Growing your own little garden is (relatively) easy and requires less work than you might think. Now, I’m not talking about growing huge amounts of food or anything, esp. to start with. But you can grow a few tomatoes, onions and other fruits and veg fairly easily to supplement what you buy. We’ve been saving seeds from nearly everything lately – especially cherries! I have visions of a cherry tree-lined driveway in a few years…. We’re just getting started with the whole gardening/composting thing – but I’ll tell you what – going to visit and having your child finish up a banana and ask, “Hey Mom, where’s the compost bin?” at someone else’s house makes you smile.
I will say that some of the things that are most expensive to start with are good quality essential oils and herbs. Herbs, you can actually grow and dry yourself – and you can infuse them with intent as they’re growing, which is a nice touch, esp if you’re going to be using them for healing in your home. Oils – splurge. Buy from a reputable company and you’ll get more out of the product. Even if you just want to dabble, get the good stuff. Inferior quality oils don’t hold their fragrance and you won’t want to use the product you made. Also, if you’re using herbs and essential oils in a medicinal capacity you definitely want the best you can find. Some oils are more expensive than others. Start with more affordable oils and buy one at a time to build your collection. When you’re literally using drops at a time, they tend to last a while.
I guess what was really bugging me was the judgmental attitude from those who either aren’t faced with the same financial considerations, or just didn’t think before they wrote. It bugs me that most of those people probably have more than a couple of eco-consciousness contradictions in their lives – we all do. For some of us, diet is our main focus, for others, it may be household upgrades (like solar power, rain water collection or the like), for others it may be something else. There’s a fine line between taking advantage of modern conveniences and knowing which of those to forgo in favor of meeting whatever ideal is important at the moment. I think that every step we take with mindful intent, we’re improving the health and lives of our families, and that is what is important.
Warmly,
~h
The Vaccine Debate and Dateline
Dateline’s “Dose of Controversy” on May 30, 2010 with Dr. Andrew Wakefield seems to be nothing but a smear campaign masquerading as unbiased journalism. It seemed to me that rather than discussing or even debating Dr. Wakefield’s work, it was a piece designed to broadcast (and revel in) the fact that he was stripped of his medical license by the UK. Rather than truly delve into what that might mean for Dr. Wakefield and his work and what that might mean for the perception of his previous work, much attention was given to the work of investigative reporter Brian Deer – who took great delight and satisfaction that Wakefield was (in his eyes) now discredited – going so far as to say that ‘parents should feel comforted because this was a matter of integrity, not scientific research’.
What?
We should disregard the validity of the research because of the way it was obtained? Is that really what he’s saying? Okay, I’m all for being all on the up-and-up about who you are and what your agenda is, but complaining that Wakefield didn’t offer full disclosure (whether he did or didn’t is irrelevant at the mo’) is a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.
The CDC’s former president is currently the head of Merck Pharmaceuticals. That seems like a conflict of interest to me, especially if Merck went a-courtin’ before the position was filled. Numerous medical associations and organizations have gotten called on being in big pharma’s pocket by lawmakers and people clamoring to know what the hidden agenda is – and rarely do they get an answer. So to complain that Wakefield was getting paid to look into the connection is ludicrous.
Now – to address the issue of payment, itself – was Wakefield being paid at the time his paper was published by The Lancet? It seems to me that the answer to that question would be fairly simple to figure out. I’m not all that adept at knowing where to look for that info, but in this day and age, if you get 3.5 million dollars there’s a trail leading back to when and where that money came from. Dateline didn’t look into that – that’s all it would have taken to settle this story. Shoddy journalism there, mates. Again, that is the type of thing that made this story sensational rather than informational.
Back to the real issue here…first of all, Wakefield never said that there WAS a link. He said there MIGHT BE a link, and his recommendation was that there needed to be more research done on the subject. He also recommended that parents not use the combined MMR vaccine – that instead, they choose the single vaccines. He wasn’t recommending not vaccinating at all, and that was a precautionary measure. He did an amazing thing – he put safety of children FIRST.
What Wakefield did was a small thing, and apparently enough to spark a debate that has now lasted for over a decade. He introduced DOUBT about the safety of a vaccine. And in case you hadn’t realized it, the link between vaccines (not just MMR, but all vaccines) may not have been conclusively proven as of yet, but neither have vaccines been vindicated from the accusation that they are associated with autism.
Wakefield’s staement, “The reason we’re sitting here… is because this is real.” is absolutely correct. I truly believe that there is a connection between autism and vaccines. Not only autism, but other things as well – respiratory disease, ADHD and other behavioral disorders – I definitely think that vaccines play a contributing, if not starring, role in such things.
In defense of Dr. Wakefield, he may not have the right answers – but at least he is addressing the issue of autism like it matters – talking to parents like they’re an authority on their own children and respecting them when they say that there is something dreadfully wrong with their child that wasn’t there before. He’s at least looking for answers. Oh, sure – the AAP and other organizations are looking into autism, too – but what’s the motivation? From what I’ve seen, the primary motivation seems only to be to disprove any assertion that suggests that vaccines play a role in autism, not finding any other cause or sinking any significant effort or resources into developing treatment. Even the newer research that concerns a genetic link was only given lip service in the story, and just for the record, the genetic links that the researchers now are trying to connect to autism haven’t been ‘proven’ as of yet, either. That they’re trying to make it seem like “this” is the real cause is just sleight of hand in my opinion. There isn’t any more “proof” in that theory than in Wakefield’s theories.
And Wakefield is not the only doctor/researcher out there who claims a link between autism and vaccines. There has also been speculation on the link between the DTaP vaccine and autism. As one of the above articles pointed out, there have been several attempts to improve the safety of vaccines (i.e.: by the removal of thimerosal – which to say is misleading – thimerosal may still be used in the manufacturing process and then filtered out – leaving trace amounts. Trace amounts of one of the most toxic substances known to man is still too much, IMO) but the levels of autism and other disorders that have been rumored to be linked to vaccines are still on the rise – which only proves that mercury may not be a factor. They’re taking out the mercury and using a different, no less toxic, preservative… so same issue. And now, the New England Journal of Medicine just released an article that claims that thimerosal isn’t as bad for you as you think, and even though the study has serious flaws, many will point at it and say, “See?” without fully comprehending that mercury never was the only issue.
VAERS exists for a reason. The US government has paid out millions of dollars in vaccine related damages to families. That you can, right now, go to the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program website and file a claim speaks volumes – it says that people right now are being damaged by vaccines, the government knows it and they aren’t going to do anything about it. That’s not one but TWO government agencies that are all about handling problems that stem from vaccines; problems that would not exist in the first place without vaccines. That fact alone gives credit to Wakefield’s position.
I remember watching Good Morning America or some such early morning news show when LittleBoyBlue was a babe – I’d already decided not to vaccinate by that point and this just reinforced that decision – the director of the AAP was talking about vaccine safety and “acceptable risk”. Basically, he said that they knew that a certain number of children would have an adverse reaction to a vaccine; that some might even die. But that it was for the ‘greater good’ of public health. I remember thinking, “My child is not your guinea pig!” and it still rings true for me today. I’m not willing to sacrifice my child’s health and well-being on the altar of the greater good. With outbreaks of diseases that are supposed to be “vaccine preventable”, I am not convinced of the effectiveness of vaccines to begin with – and their safety record leaves a lot to be desired.
I’m glad that they (sorta) gave Wakefield the opportunity to address the allegations against him. I’m glad that Wakefield filed a complaint against Deer. I have to say, every time I hear someone use the word “inconceivable”, I am reminded of Vizzini from The Princess Bride. That Deer says it is inconceivable that Wakefield’s complaint has merit is interesting to me and will be extremely amusing if it is indeed proven to be valid.
Another major player in this story is Dr. Paul Offit. He’s had numerous papers published – a quick Google search will lead you to any number of them. But what I find most interesting in his contribution to this story is that he invented RotaTeq – the now mandatory (unless you have an exemption) rotavirus vaccine. OF COURSE HE’S NOT GOING TO ADMIT THAT VACCINES ARE NOT ALL THEY’RE TOUTED TO BE!!!!
You know what would make RotaTeq obsolete? Put one quarter of the money and effort that went into the development of RotaTeq into an education, promotion and support campaign for BREASTFEEDING – which protects against rotavirus, lessens the severity of it if your child does contract it and has ABSOLUTELY ZERO HEALTH RISKS and bam! No more need for a rotavirus vaccine.
I’m baffled by Offit’s claims that Wakefield has done that much harm by publishing his findings. If he has, then why aren’t we seeing children in record numbers SUFFERING and DYING from vaccine preventable diseases? Surely if the non-vaccinating parents and unvaccinated children were that much of a health risk to the general public, there would be evidence to back that claim up. But the fact is the argument that non-vaccinating parents are taking advantage of herd immunity is faulty, as this mommy-blogger explains much more eloquently than I can.
Something else that irks me is why is autism still such a huge mystery? Why are parents still left with so many questions? Why, after more than a decade of research, does mainstream medicine not have SOMETHING to offer parents?? They spend so much time and money combating the vaccine connection – but they aren’t putting ANYTHING into helping autistic kids or families with autistic children.
Whooping cough is NOT DEADLY for healthy children. Neither is measles. Car accidents kill children daily – hundreds of them. It’s “acceptable risk”. Why are 3 deaths from a ‘vaccine preventable’ disease considered “an epidemic” and touted as absolutely unacceptable? And yet vaccines for these diseases damage – permanently in some cases – hundreds of children each year. According to the story, 1 in 110 (or 1 in 150 according to the second citation) American children is affected with Autism. That’s damn near 1% – which is a lot, especially considering that it’s on the rise. If 3 children – not three percent, mind you, but THREE children were killed by measles and that constitutes an epidemic, what does something that affects one percent of the population’s children – a scourge? A pestilential pandemic? Something that should receive a hell of a lot more attention, that’s what.
I think Wakefield got the shaft. I think they’re going out of their way to attempt to discredit him because he’s onto something. Now, I don’t know if I agree with Wakefield’s assertion that autism and bowel disease are linked – but I haven’t looked into it either. My oldest has SPD, ADHD/DBD-NOS , which means that our lives are not severely impacted by his diagnoses like some are. Autistic enterocolitis may very well be something. Just because it isn’t recognized by a medical body yet doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. Like many women’s diseases, AE affects the wrong demographic for getting recognition – meaning not grown men, who make up the vast majority of the researchers and groups of people who do the money-granting for research. I would bet that if something like this started affecting men, there’d be a safe and effective drug and an affordable, non-invasive and painless treatment plan out double-quick! Fibromyalgia didn’t exist a few years ago either – now they have all kinds of treatments and therapies and medicines to try. I think it’s a case of “this disease doesn’t exist until we can invent a really expensive drug and treatment plan for it”.
I’d be curious to see how many ads for medicines ran during Dateline on TV. I watched it online, so I couldn’t say – but it raises an interesting point, I think. If NBC gets advertising dollars from big pharma, would they be allowed to publish interviews or stories that give credibility to the vaccine nay-sayers? If they take advertising dollars from big pharma, aren’t they, by definition, BIASED? So how can we rely on NBC’s coverage to be fair and balanced? Oh, that’s right – we can’t!
As far as the genetics and autism link – yes, I think there’s validity to that line of reasoning. But they’re not proving that vaccines aren’t contributing to or a catalyst for the development of autism in some children. I personally know at least one child who is not vaccinated and is autistic, so I don’t think that vaccines are the only cause of autism. But I do think that they contribute, and I think that there’s a conspiracy to keep the discovery of that link quiet. I also think that there are better ways to go about protecting your health than injecting your body (or your children’s) with vaccines of dubious safety and effectiveness.
The Challenge to Mass Vaccination by Dr. Gary Farr
Warmly,
~h
Edited to add: This video goes into more detail about the witch hunt… ‘Selective Hearing‘. It’s worth the hour of your time if you watched the Dateline story (worth it even if you didn’t).
Vaccinations and Homeschooled Kids
This was posted on Facebook earlier today “Lack of Immunization Data for Homeschooled Children“. I was reading it and I thought I would share my thoughts on the matter.
For one thing, it should be noted that the article is talking about “high immunization rates” and NOT “low disease rates”. That’s a VERY important distinction that must be made. It’s not disease prevention that is the problem here; it’s that homeschooled children are potentially not being vaccinated and there’s no system in place to track them. That is the chief complaint in the article and yet many parents will read the article and come away with the sense that the authorities are actually concerned about preventing disease.
However, in the interests of discussion, we’ll pretend that the article is talking about disease prevention, and that their position is that not vaccinating your children places them at ‘great risk’ for serious illness and death and poses a general health risk for the community at large. {eye roll}… Sorry. I threw up just a little bit in my mouth when I was typing that…
Moving on…
First of all, if the non-immunized students were that big of a risk, then you’d have heard about it by now. There would have been several major outbreaks of VPD’s (vaccine preventable disease) among unvaccinated populations that spread into the vaccinated population – news would have been all over that story and every big pharma president and CDC vaccine advocate would be crowing, “See?!? We TOLD you!!” on every major news show. You wouldn’t be able to step outside your door without hearing how right they were and how wrong all these non-vaxers have been.
But you don’t.
In fact, in the last 10 years that I’ve been paying attention, the only outbreaks I’ve heard about have been among vaccinated populations. Sure they’ll throw in a little blurb about the original exposure being an unvaccinated child, but in many cases it’s a child too young to have been vaccinated in the first place. In other words, it’s not my healthy 6 or 8-year-old that are breeding grounds for disease. It’s your kids who live in a household with weakened immune systems who are holding.
There is a lot of hype about “vaccine preventable disease”. Chicken pox comes readily to mind. In Oregon in 2001, a CP outbreak was noted among a highly vaccinated population of kids. It made national news because of the fact that nearly all the kids were vax’ed. That’s what led to the varicella booster that they now want you to pump your kids full of. Now they’re saying that even the booster isn’t effective at preventing chicken pox so they want to increase the dosage? o_O
Let’s clarify here: what that means is that chicken pox is NOT a “vaccine preventable disease”. It’s maybe a “vaccine lessens the severity of” disease, but realistically chicken pox is not deadly in a healthy child to begin with. There’s less risk of dying from chicken pox than say… driving in your car. You’re more likely to get into a traffic accident than you are to die from chicken pox, so is it worth injecting your child with all the poisonous material that’s in the vaccine on the chance that maybe it might be ‘less severe’? Not only that, but the first dose (that they assured us would work) wasn’t enough, so now you must have a booster (that again, may not be enough) – when will it end? Exactly how much of this junk are you going to “have to” inject in order to become deemed safe from the dreaded chicken pox?
I’m sorry, but I remember chicken pox. I was in 3rd grade and it was a slightly itchy, calamine-lotion covered, cartoon filled 2-week holiday from school vacay. I’ve had several severe poison ivy infections than were much worse than any chicken pox blister! And I had a “good case” of chicken pox.
Lets’ put this into perspective with some math:
- Population of USA: 308758000 (2009)
- Number of people each year who contract chicken pox each year: 4,000,000
- Risk of contracting chicken pox: 1.2955129%
- Number of people who are hospitalized from chicken pox-related issues: 4, 000-9, 000 (let’s go with 9,000)
- Risk of having a serious complication from chicken pox: 0.0029149%
- Percentage of people who DIE from chicken pox each year: 0.00003238782476891287
Compare that to the number of adverse reactions to chicken pox vaccine per year: weeeeeeeeell, that’s not so easy to figure out. Of 48 million doses, adverse reactions are reported at a rate of 2.2% per 100,000 doses.
- 2.2% of 100,000 is 2,200
- 2200 x 480 is 1,506,000 (because there are 480 100,000′s in 48 mil)
- 1,506,000 is 2.1999999999999997% of 48 million
So (if I am calculating that correctly, then) you have more of a chance of an adverse reaction from the vaccine than you do of even contracting chicken pox in the first place. Based on the math alone, clearly a parent would want to go with what is less risky for their child. And that’s only for varicella vax – that one’s only been around for the last 10 years or so, when record-keeping has been slightly more “important”. There are numerous articles (Google search it!) that discuss the possibility (likelihood? certainty?) that things like improved nutrition, clearer understanding of hygiene and how it affects overall health, and better sanitation practices are the primary cause of disease decline.
We’re taught to believe that vaccines are the best medical invention since clean water, but are they? I think that’s a myth; a modern-day fairy tale based on greed and perpetuated with lies that plays on the fears of parents to get them to comply.
Back to the article, ”The lack of immunization in some children not only increases the risk for disease in these children but also in all other children in the community.” Umm, excuse me? HOW? If vaccines work the way that the vaccine manufacturers claim (by tricking your body into thinking you’ve been exposed to a disease and creating antibodies to it; i.e.: immunity) then there is absolutely ZERO RISK to any vaccinated person from contact with an unvaccinated one, because you’re immune. That means you can’t get the disease.
The logical conclusion that must be drawn from the insistence by the authorities that unvaccinated people pose a danger to the vaccinated population is that vaccines are supposed to be effective at preventing disease and they don‘t work the way they’re supposed to.
They’re also supposed to be safe (they’re not), but that’s another post.
Greed is a powerful thing, and the authorities have their hand in the till just as much as big pharma. As lawmakers, our politicians are entrusted with the responsibility of enacting laws that protect us from harm, but (former? soon-to-be former?) Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s recent laws concerning Gardasil and his connection with Merck shows that he’s more interested in lining his pockets than he is concerned with the welfare of his state. That brings to mind the old adage about the phrase ‘honest politician’ being an oxymoron…
It’s infuriating to me that my obligation and right as a parent to determine the best course of action for my family and my children is being questioned and circumvented by the authorities. Not vaccinating is not a crime, yet I had to fill out forms and get “permission” (for lack of a better term) for my children to attend school in their unvaccinated (i.e.: natural) state. I get notices and letters “reminding” me to get my kids vaxed. I’ve been lied to and hassled by state insurance people who don’t know the laws but think they do (or do and are just arsed off that someone knows their rights).
Worse are the people who just accept the party line propaganda and assume that my decision not to contaminate my children’s immune system is a direct attack on their health and safety. I’ve done my research and chosen the best course of action for MY family. I’m not out there campaigning to abolish the practice of vaccination (but only because I lack the time to devote to such a prodigious undertaking), nor am I picketing pediatrician’s offices and attacking unsuspecting new moms as they enter the building, precious newborns in arms, and warning them of the dangers of vaccination. I’m not belittling the real risks that choosing not to vaccinate can carry; I’m well aware that my children may indeed contract chicken pox or measles or something “worse” and that death is a possibility.
What I AM saying is that there are real, documented, tragic risks to vaccination, too. And they get pooh-poohed or swept under the rug as ‘unlikely’ or denied altogether. Parents are told they’re overreacting when they report a reaction. We’re treated like we’re stupid, incapable of having access to and understanding all of the information and making a good choice for our families… The doctor will tell you what’s best for your kid, “Oh hang on a sec; I need to interrupt your appointment go talk to this drug rep really quickly”… (Yeah, that happened to me.) and here, sign this with the Merk pen, on the Ross Labs clipboard, and take this school excuse on a pre-printed note pad published by Phizer.
Yep. There’s NO financial motivation for doctors to push vaccines. None whatsoever. (Read under the heading “Vaccine Delivery and Promotion, paragraph 5) (Center for Telemedicine, page 4 – there are more, but you can look that up for yourself). {sigh}
… to your health, salut!
Warmly,
~h
Oh, The Many Things We Do!
Over the past few weeks, we’ve been busier than usual it seems. The last time I posted about what we were actually doing, we were making our Dr. Seuss Lapbook. Since then, we’ve gone on a
zillioncouple of field trips and wrapped up our group’s science fair, made some progress in karate (including getting yours truly involved), kicked off this year’s roller derby season and started (and completed!) a few more lapbooks, all topped off with copious amounts of coffee and conversation with good friends (homeschooling and non).We have had an influx of new members into our homeschooling group and as much as I lovelovelove our core families, I absolutely adore meeting new people who think like we do. Our group is pretty eclectic, and I always try to make sure that anyone coming into our group knows that we have an amazing and diverse mix of people, ideals, philosophies and lifestyles in our group. I think that’s an awesome boon to my kids; you’d be surprised (or maybe not) how many people see that as a threat. Oh well, their loss – but the newbies in our group seem to see such diversity as a bene and are fitting in seamlessly.
Field trips over the last few weeks have been wicked fun. We celebrated Women’s History Month with a trip to our local art museum. The director of education met us with a wonderful program about female artists, including the amazing Mary McCleary, and the kids got to make a collage of their own.
Our science fair was a mix of highs and lows. Most of the participants backed out at the last minute, which sucked, but on the plus side the boys took first and second place! We had a really great time putting the boys’ projects together. PeaGreen made a solar powered desalinator, which interestingly enough, was featured on Mythbusters episode ‘Sticky SOS’ a couple of weeks after the Science Fair, and LBB’s experiment was on fingerprint patterns. We ended up running all over town to take fingerprints from willing friends and family!
We also hit the Spindletop/Gladys City Museum, which one might call the ‘birthplace’ of the Southeast Texas economy. The kids learned about oil drilling and salt domes and the history of our fair city – things they’ve learned about many times before, but seeing it all in ‘village format’ is always a new and interesting experience.
We also hit Gator Country. If you’ve ever seen the CMT show ‘Gator 911′, it’s the same place. Gator Country has been around for a long time, so we’ve been quite a few times, but seeing a bunch of gators up close and personal and being able to hold one is always fun. We made a new lapbook on ‘crocodilians’ to go with our visit. I was super proud of the boys – this was the first lapbook that is 99% their own writing. In the past, I’ve written things while they narrated, or given them small things to write; this time I gave them research papers to read and get answers from and they did it themselves.
The next week, we met up to take the kids to play glow-in-the-dark mini golf. We originally planned on ‘moms against kids’ teams, but by the fifth hole, the kids pretty much decided to goof off and the only girl in attendance decided to come play with the moms. The pictures were dark, but this is kinda what it looked like:
In addition to fantastic mini-golf fun, last week we too an impromptu trip out to Johnson’s Bayou in Cameron, LA to stroll the beach. We ended up finding tons of collectibles in the beach detritus - dolphin vertebrae, fish vertebrae and skull bones, lots of water-logged but smoothed out bits of wood (good for carving and pyrography) and everyone’s favorite: seashells.
Photo by Gretchen
We’ve also been getting plenty of exercise with karate. The boys started in January (including Loverly Husband) and I started about a month ago. It’s hard, sweaty work, but I am really enjoying it so far. The kids did their first belt test a few weeks ago and will have their belt ceremony this week.
One thing about karate; gi’s (karate uniforms) are definitely made for tall, straight, thin people – definitely not short, round people with hips and a booty. I had to get one that was about 2 sizes too big for most of me to fit my hips and then start cutting and sewing. I ended up with a still-large-but-decently-fitting gi, but wow, what a bunch of work! I had to cut about 6 inches off the sleeves and legs, and took up a seam in the waist that brought the bottom of the jacket up about 6 inches so that the waist ties were in the correct place. The shoulders still swallow me, but it’s very roomy!
Aaannnnd last but not least, we kicked off this year’s roller derby season with Spindletop Rollergirls! I’m an NSO this year, which means ‘non-skating official‘. I get to stand in the middle of the track with a clipboard and look important. I love it! I also get a nifty derby name, ‘Tricksy Stixx’, without all the worry over being graceful on skates. If you’ve never been to a derby game before, go! And take the kids! It’s a lot of fun and the women who play derby are amazing. Better yet, if you have the opportunity to play or volunteer, do that! People like to sensationalize the hard-core aspect of derby, but it truly is a sport – these women are athletes and they train – HARD – for it. They’re committed, and it’s a family affair; most of them (us) form a close bond with their ‘derby families’.
Photo by Rodney Cole
That pretty much brings up up-to-date! I have some additional updating to do; hopefully this week. I’ll add links to the new lapbooks we’ve completed and a couple we’ve started (one on rocks and minerals, one on the Titanic, and the Story of the World II that are on-going). I am also planning on updating our curriculum page for the summer months – we’re almost through this ‘grade’! The pool is also clean and as soon as the water temp rises above 60 degrees, you can expect some pool shots, too. {wink}
Oh, and our garden – wait till you see that – we have peppers!
Hope your spring is off to a running start, too!
Warmly,
~h
April 23, 2012 | Categories: All About Me, Daily Review, Day in the Life, Field Trip, History, Rambling Thoughts, Socialization | Tags: balance, commentary, Field Trip, going with the flow, homeschoolers are busy, homeschooling, raising responsible adults, school on the go, socialization | Leave A Comment »