Image via Rampaged Reality

Tried to check Wikipedia today? Denied.
Today, Wikipedia, WordPress and other sites have blacked out in order to to urge people to take action, to speak out against SOPA and PIPA by contacting their State Representatives. Even on Facebook, half of my friends have either a blacked out profile picture or an infographic from America Censorship.org.

I am going out on a limb and assuming that since you’re here, you don’t live in the woods in an area where the closest internet access is 50 miles from your front door (though if you are – please… for the love of black nail polish and sparkly things, let me know; I beg of you! The thought that I may have a fan who spends what precious little online time he or she has reading here is almost overwhelming!!), and thus have some at least seen the letters and recognized that there’s a brou-ha-ha going on about them.

If you’re not familiar with the terms (come out form under your rock… just kidding. No, really…), SOPA is the Stop Online Piracy Act that is before the House of Representatives to vote on in a couple of weeks. PIPA is the Senate’s version of the same/similar bill the Protect IP Act (S. 968).

What does that mean for me and you? Other sites have covered the myriad consequences that affect the flow of information, but I wanted to talk about how it will affect homeschoolers. As a homeschooling parent, I rely heavily on the internet for access to.. well, everything, really. From connecting with my fellow homeschoolers and support networks via Facebook and internet forums like SecularHomeschool.com, to lesson planning and research for improving my own skills as a teacher. I use the internet to find recommendations, to gather ideas and spark my own creative process for everything from my own artistic pursuits to reinterpreting classroom techniques to be used in homeschooling.

SOPA and PIPA will put an end to all of that, to most if not all user-edited sites, including blogs! If you need a clearer picture of what all this means, I’m going to re-direct you to an article at Gizmodo that ‘splains it for you, Lucy. Back now?

So. Whatcha gonna do about it? Email a Senator? Contact a Congressman? If you’re in Texas, that would be Senator John Cornyn (who, according to Free Press Action Fund is opposed to PIPA) and Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (who has yet to take a stand). Check FPAF to see where your Senators stand! You can find your Texas State Representatives here: Find My Representatives! If you’re not in Texas, as long as you look before SOPA and PIPA pass, you can Google it. If you wait… well, good luck with that.

Something I would like to mention is how this issue has affected us today in class. We’re still working on our Martin Luther King, Jr. notebooking pages, and one of the passages that the kids are writing today is the ‘Six Principles of Nonviolence’. Among them is ‘Attack forces of evil, not persons doing evil.’ We talked today about what ‘attacking forces’ meant and it just so happened that the contact page for Senator Hutchison was still on my screen. We talked about how we fight against ‘forces of evil’ in our country – through legislation. Being heard, contacting our Representatives, voting – how all of these things help maintain our freedoms and how without taking a stand and making your own voice heard, you’re allowing others to dictate your path. We talked about how important it is to have a say in what goes on around you and how Dr. King’s non-violent approach applies to our lives today. I was super proud of my kids for their ability to create scenarios and work for peaceful, yet effective, solutions.

Here’s part of the letter that I sent to Seantor Hutchison this morning under the heading of ‘education’ with the subject line, “Homeschoolers need the Internet”:

I am writing to you as a citizen in your district. I urge you to vote “no” on cloture for S. 968, the PROTECT IP Act, on Jan. 24, 2012. The PROTECT IP Act is dangerous, ineffective, and short-sighted. It does not deserve floor consideration.

As a homeschooling parent, I rely on internet resources for research, lesson planning and to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world as I do my best to ensure that my children prepare for college. I believe that the PIPA will be detrimental to the flow of information, and thus cripple me as a homeschooling parent in doing my best to educate my children.

According to Free Press Action Fund, you have not taken a stand against the PROTECT IP Act at this time. I urge you to consider the limitations and hardships that PIPA will place on homeschooling families in Texas.

Over coming days you will no doubt be hearing from the many businesses, advocacy organizations, and ordinary Americans who oppose this legislation because of the myriad ways in which it will stifle free speech and innovation.  I sincerely hope that you will take my concerns and those of your voters to heart and OPPOSE this legislation by voting “no” on cloture.

Part of this letter was taken from a form letter at American Censorship. I added my own thoughts to it as well. I can imagine that a more personal letter would have more of an impact than a form letter (I copied and pasted to get the language right). If you’re crunched for time or just don’t know what to say, please send a form letter in! There are MANY of them out there – pick one you like and make it fly! If you want, you still have time to send out a snail mail letter, too. Handwritten on beautiful stationery… ours go out in tomorrow’s mail.

Warmly,

~h

In celebration of Dr. King’s birthday, we’ve been working on expanding last year’s lapbook into this year’s notebooking. I came across a nifty ‘how to make notebooking pages‘ from Squidoo via Jimmie’s Collage (which has tons of really great notebooking info, and Jimmie also does The Notebooking Fairy blog) and whipped up a few for the kids to use instead of the dreaded handwriting workbook.

I’ve been meaning to get the kids into something other than a workbook for handwriting for a while now, and I think notebooking will fit the bill nicely. We’re taking it slow and easy – just working on forming letters and small passages – but I think that they need the practice and that writing real words instead of just practicing letters will help their writing become more fluid. I already notice that their cursive writing is significantly neater than their print, so we’re going to be stepping up the cursive writing portion quite a bit this year.

I know, I know – the debate about cursive is endless, but that’s a topic for another post! Moving on…

As our first real foray into honest-to-goodness ‘notebooking’, the boys have actually gotten off to a pretty good start. We’re going to be working on the Dr. King theme all this week; there’s a lot of information to cover and just one day won’t be enough time (and too much writing in one sitting makes fo grouchy boys).  I am using much of the info from the unit study I posted yesterday from The Homeschool Mom’s site, the kids are researching online, and they’re using the information we compiled in our MLK lapbook to complete their notebooking pages. We’ve been doing weekly research projects for the past few months, so this is a step in a useful direction – not only locating the information, but presenting it in a more polished form – still fairly simple, but more story-structured (with complete sentences and everything!).

We’re off to a pretty good start with our weekly field trips – it was wet and rainy so the rest of our group (who were all coming from 20+ minutes away) opted to stay out of the weather, but we had an… educational experience with just our own company. It’s not really a ‘fun’ park; there’s no play gym or anything like that – it’s just more or less a lovely rest area with concrete walls along one side that have information on Dr. King’s life and work, and quotes from various letters, speeches and papers. It’s a somber experience, reading about what he accomplished and endured, and how he was persecuted for standing up for something we pretty much take for granted in such a ‘big’ way. The concrete plaques that are engraved are as tall as I am and there are 12 of them.

It was interesting listening to the kids talk about Dr. King’s words. They’ve never experienced anything like the kind of atmosphere that Dr. King lived in; I don’t know if they really understand (for that matter, I don’t know that *I* really understand) what it must have been like for the average person (white or black) to live in such a climate. For what it’s worth, I am thankful that the kids don’t live in that type of limited environment, and for Dr. King’s efforts towards both a non-violent approach and the end of racial segregation.

Some pictures from our trip today:

We’ll be wrapping our week up with completing our notebooking pages on Dr. King and the Civil Rights Movement, and continuing to adjust to our suddenly very busy schedule now that we’ve added the Couch to 5K program and karate. We had a nice long break and are finally getting back into the groove… at least until our first break, which is still a couple of weeks off.

What about you – any new and interesting MLK links for this year?

Warmly,
~h

When the kids were little, The Backyardigans was a big hit at our house. When I sat down to write up a re-cap of our week, the song ‘Into the Thick of It” popped into my head, and so you’re treated to a reminiscence of my children’s pre-school days.

We’re back into our ‘normal’ school routine – week 2. Week one went by with a few bumps in the road, but overall, fairly smooth sailing. It’s always rough getting back into school-ish habits, but this week things have settled down quite a bit. I have been getting progressively more strict with the kids and schoolwork as we’ve progressed - insisting that they perform the way I know they’re capable of. Handwriting must be neat and legible or it will have to be written over again. Mistakes, though expected and understandable, are to be corrected before that assignment is considered ‘complete’. We do still work together quite a bit, but much of their schoolwork at this point is considered ‘independent’.

I know that everyone doesn’t homeschool this way; this is just how we do it. My goal as we move into higher elementary is to continue helping them be self-sufficient and independent workers. As they master the basics of elementary education, we’ll move into a more interest-oriented education, tailoring their individual paths to their strengths and future career goals.

Some highlights from last week:

We took a field trip to Pleasure Island for some hiking and bird-watching. We saw a handful of birds, but mostly the kids spent the day working on cracking the big rocks that lined the shores looking for geodes and embedded crystals. They found quite a few and we talked about the difference in tone between rocks that were solid and rocks that were hollow. We didn’t get any pictures, but it was a really fun (if a little chilly) day.

The kids and Loverly Husband all started karate last week. LH was a tae kwon do guy when we were in school, and LBB took a year of TKD back in kindergarten, but this is PeaGreen’s first martial arts experience. They’re all enjoying it. Our lovely sensei keeps nudging me to come play with them, pointing out that I would wear a size 3 gi (uniform). Considering that I haven’t worn a size 3 in anything since I was 3, that’s not a bad motivating point! I did start the Couch to 5K training program today with a few friends, so maybe in a few weeks/months I’ll feel more confident at mastering kung fu with the fam. At this point though, sending the menfolk off for class three times a week means heavenly-home-sweet-silent-home for me – I’m not ready to give that up just yet!

This week, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we’re reviewing our MLK Jr. lapbook and working on a  unit study on MLK Jr. from The Homeschool Mom.  We’re also visiting a nearby memorial park dedicated to Dr. King’s work and life.  and will be following that visit up with some notebooking about him.

Hope your year is starting off smoothly!
Warmly,
~h

If you’d asked me when we started what the hardest part of homeschooling was, I’d have probably said something about the curriculum, or confidence. At the beginning of last year, it would have been ‘fitting everything in’ or making sure that they didn’t have too many gaps in their education’ – again confidence related with maybe a little scheduling thrown in.

Ask me now, going into our third year, what the biggest challenge of homeschooling is and I say it’s the time commitment; the never-ending constancy of being ‘on’. As either Mom or Teacher, I am on-stage from the moment they wake up in the morning to whenever they finally fall asleep in the evenings (despite the fact that bedtime is at 8PM and not including the occasional during-the-night call to action). I do normally get up around the same time Loverly Husband does in the morning since the kids have started sleeping a little later in the mornings – that gives me a little bit of coffee time alone – but not much.

When my kids were little, I was wholeheartedly committed to the principles of attachment parenting. I remember the kids pre-school years as fun and full of joy, and at that point, we were planning to homeschool so there was no change of scenery in sight. I was happy with that plan, but if I’m honest about it, I admit that there were lots of days that I was exhausted, overwhelmed and in desperate need of a nanny, a maid, and an all-expense-paid vacation to somewhere with sparkling sand and cabana boys.

As much as I enjoy my life, and I do recognize that compared to some situations out there my life has been nothing but roses, there have definitely been a couple of breaking points over the years that meant major changes for our family. These changes were needed, but probably should have been addressed sooner than they were. Once they were made though, the benefit to our family happiness was noticeable.

Never one for a pristine-clean house, when the kids were little it was pretty much always a disaster area. With little ones running around, it was really hard to keep them entertained and out of trouble long enough to get any real cleaning done, and whatever I cleaned, they’d messy again when I was in the hallway putting the cleaning supplies away. Since the kids were my priority, the house suffered. When PeaGreen was about 3 and a half or so, after a fight with my Loverly Husband, we finally got on a good housekeeping schedule (and the mighty Household Bossy Book was born). He and I both had roles to fill and after discussing what we had, and what we wanted to change, we were both more aware of the responsibilities that came with keeping up ‘our family’s’ home. It belongs to both/all of us, and though I don’t mind a larger portion of the housekeeping being heaped onto my plate since I am here, even LH and the kids have their ’chores’.

Another breaking point came when the kids started school. I was working (unpaid), trying to get a doula business off the ground, and dealing with the constant in-and-out of school, homework, being an active PTO member and volunteer – it was a lot. Since I was gone so much, it was harder to keep up with all the housekeeping myself, and so the Bossy Book got re-vamped, with the kids taking on larger responsibilities as chores. Then, due to a variety of circumstances, including a tragic miscarriage, I decided to put my personal career goals on hold, and soon after that we started homeschooling.

One of the benefits to having the kids in school though – and one that I miss greatly at times – is the amount of time that I had to myself. From 8AM to almost 3PM, even though I was still ‘on call’ for the kids if needed, it’s not the same as having them underfoot all day, every day. The initial adjustments to homeschooling were all about the good – it was such a welcome change from what we had been dealing with that the day-to-day hadn’t set in yet. Even as much as a year or so later, I think we were still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase.

A couple of  months ago, I reached another breaking point. I was ready to quit; even went so far as to look up enrollment information for the kids to go back to school. Part of me was dead serious about it. Part of me was indulging in a fantasy. I was having a super bad day/week, and anything that wasn’t ‘here’ and ‘me’ was better than what we had going on – being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get out of it. And of course, the reality that going back to school would not solve any problems; in fact, it would only add new and more awful ones to my already stressed-out plate. And so again, a necessary argument discussion with Loverly Husband about what we had and what was and what was not working was called for. He actually had a day off planned that week, and normally when he’s home, we’re off. But after discussing it, we decided to have school anyway, and let him see how things normally went.

Having a visitor for the day was a good thing*. Having Dad here to actually experience the way that we normally do school and the tactics that our (brilliant, clever and witty) kids have developed to circumvent my methods actually did help. I don’t typically harp on ‘discipline’ with my kids, but this is one area where lack of discipline (meaning ‘adherence to a structure’ and ‘self-discipline’ rather than ‘punishment’) was lacking. Instead of sticking to scheduled time frames, I was allowing pleading and negotiation when there really shouldn’t be any. School work is not negotiable (unless it is – in which case, it is presented as such) and is not up for discussion. That’s not to say that I don’t take their wants and needs into consideration; anyone who works with kids knows that in general, they are comfort-led. They’d rather take the easy route and that’s usually not the same as hitting the books (minor note here about child-led learning; I prefer a more parent directed approach until the basics are covered and their foundation is strong, after which their education will be more interest and strength fine-tuned. YMMV {wink}). Having Dad here to see how things work (and don’t) was a big help; his level of understanding what my day is/can be like, while still not the same as being the primary teacher, is better after having been involved all day. His suggestions and discussion with the kids, as well, helped bring us back to an even keel.

Another facet of this multi-layered issue is me. I have/suffer from/deal with clinical depression  issues, and though I wouldn’t normally describe myself as an anxious person, my current medication includes an anti-anxiety component that I am finding extremely helpful. I have been on and off of medication in the past and have known for some time that I needed to go back on them. I did last month and things have been improving. Adjusting to new medication is kind of like a box of chocolates; I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are few and manageable.

Just to clarify, this post isn’t just griping about homeschooling. My point in posting this is to dispel any notion of the ‘homeschoolers are perfect’ style stereotypes and to illustrate how we work through problems in our family. We’re launching into the beginning of our school year, so I wanted to present an open look at what homeschooling can be like on the inside.

Yesterday was our first day back, and we’ve made some adjustments for this year. We generally have an enjoyable routine, though there have been bumps (and will yet be more in the future), we are committed to homeschooling. Helping everyone in our family understand that, and what their roles are, is key to successfully navigating home life – and homeschooling.

Warmly,

~h

* for clarification purposes: calling Loverly Husband/Dad a ‘visitor’ is not meant to imply that he’s not an active part of our homeschooling. As a homeschooling mom, I require his support and participation – but his primary role in our family is provider; mine is child and household care – that’s just the division of labor. Though we both weigh in on the kids’ education, that also is primarily my responsibility to manage. Use of the term ‘visitor’ only implies that he is not normally physically present in day to day schooling with us.

A few months ago, my Loverly Husband decided that he wanted to do this ‘forage’ style meal plan. It’s not a full-on ‘raw foods‘ or vegan/vegetarian thing, but similar – more low-key than that, really. It’s more about simplicity than it is about buying into the ‘lifestyle’ that is usually (albeit stereotypically) associated with such a diet. His idea includes no meal planning, just having fresh foods on-hand to consume quickly and as easily as possible whenever hunger strikes.

Now, if you know anything about me from reading here, I can imagine that one of the things that jumps out at you is my penchant for planning all things with zero moderation. My Loverly Husband, who has known me since Kindergarten, could not possibly have failed to notice this trait, and yet somehow thought that I would be just dandy with it. Not.

Well, that was a few months ago, and I have to admit that the idea has grown on me. We’ve always kept kid-friendly foods on hand and the boys have been fixing their own breakfast most of the time for years now. To carry this trend over into lunch and dinner isn’t that much of a stretch, practically speaking. Admittedly, this laissez-faire,  go-with-the-flow attitude might have something to do with my current/new-again-as-of-yesterday medication, which has blessedly made my previously over-stressed state a thing of that past, but whatever the reason, I really have gotten on-board with the whole idea.

I admit that the simplistic aspect appeals, but so does the idea that such a diet would lend aid towards health and weight-loss endeavors. As we launch into a new year, I once again have all these aspirations of weight loss and exercise; maybe putting a diet/lifestyle into place that supports those goals will create a whirlpool of success? In any case, I put on my Optimism Hat and tried to figure out how I can satisfy my own need to over-plan and still follow this simple idea.

Upon scavenging Pinterest for ideas, I discovered that there are literally hundreds of recipes out there for raw/vegan approximations of foods we normally eat (minus the meat and cooking, of course). Since we’re not going all out vegan, I think that small changes here and there with an eye towards that as a goal will be easier to accomplish and less traumatic, gastronomically speaking. Following a recipe does require some planning though, so I think it’s possible to satisfy my need to plan while still meeting the raw/vegetarian-ish goals.

And so it was that I decided that starting today, when I go grocery shopping this afternoon, it will be with the following goals in mind:

• stay in the produce section as much as possible
• plan on whatever actual cooking to be done is vegan-ish (with the exception of perpetual soup/bone broth which is going on to cook this afternoon)
• to refrain from being tempted by processed foods and junk
• keep the basket filled with only what can be consumed by the four of us in the course of a few days (this will be a challenge because I am used to planning and shopping for two weeks at a time)

We start school again next week. Wish me luck!

Warmly,
~h

P.S. It occurs to me after looking over my list that it’s not terribly ‘vegan/vegetarian’. But considering that virtually every meal for the past.. all of eternity has revolved around whatever meat-main-course and my current shopping list contains ’2 whole chickens’ instead of 10-12 meats for four, I’m calling that progress.

P.P.S. And in case you were wondering, I am not one of those ‘save the animals’ PETA people. I fall more on the ‘meat is tasty murder’ side of the fence, supported by the presence of both canine teeth (for ripping, shredding) and molars (for grinding and mashing) in humans, which (to me) indicate that humans are omnivores and therefore are designed to consume flesh.

The first year we were homeschooling, I planned each 6 weeks. The second year, I planned the entire year in advance and made three posts for core subjects, extended curriculum and extra-curricular activities. I think part of that was my over-compensation for lack of confidence. Seeing what all we were going to accomplish in advance made me feel a lot better about jumping into homeschooling with both feet.

This year, I don’t really feel the need to plan everything out. We started a new grade in October of last year, and we’re basically continuing those lessons through March/May-ish (depending on which subject). We’re moving away from ‘grade level’ a little more and as we go on, I expect that distance will be even more noticeable - I’d like that; to leave behind the idea of ‘grade level’ behind entirely. Maybe not a practical goal, but one can dream, yes?

We’re pretty much continuing what we started a few months ago – I know what resources we’ll be using for the next few months, and I plan each week’s workboxes sometime between Friday – Sunday. Since I already know what we’re using, I have a fairly good idea of what material is there; most of our subjects are just a matter of covering the next chapter or lesson in the book. I supplement with videos or field trips where we can, sometimes planned, sometime spontaneously – it depends on the lesson and mood.

Our daily schedule is similar to the last few months as well. I try to keep our day ‘seat/up/seat/up’ so the boys are never in their seats too long. Our week is also staggered so that we’re home one day and out the next, then home again. We have longer/more in-depth lessons at home and either reinforce or immerse on days when we’re out (or vice-versa).

I updated our ‘current curriculum‘ page a few days ago; there were more changes than I’d expected, but it’s all up to date now. We’re continuing with workboxes and my new lesson planner (which is on the printables page) has the workbox planning sheet built-in. I’m having it printed this week, and we’re giving the kids STARS planners another shot as well.

We sat down this morning and had a pow-wow; our school year begins next Monday. I banned all griping about school work and chores and since getting back to a normal work load after a break has always been… traumatic, to put it mildly, I told them they they would be doing a few worksheets from their summer workbook this week so ease back into doing full time/regular  school work. They never cease to surprise me; LBB initially started with a complaint then buckled down and got it done whereas PeaGreen started off on a good note but getting him to finish was like pulling teeth.  They did both finish though, and relatively sooner than I’d expected so maybe next week’s ‘back to school’ won’t be so bad.

I can dream, right?
Hope your new year is starting off smoothly!
Warmly,
~h

We made it through our second year of homeschooling! We are officially done with this year (not this grade). Sorry for the lack of posting, but we’ve been making the most of our Winter Break, which is also our official break between school years.

I gotta tell ya, I am so glad for this year to be done. I love homeschooling, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely been more of a struggle over the past few months than it has been before. Part of that is me; I have been on antidepressants for a couple of years and have been needing to change my medication for a while now. I’ve done that and have added an anti-anxiety medication, which I wouldn’t have thought I’d needed, but have found is definitely helping. In any case, I do expect that with proper management of my own health, my stress level will decrease, which can only help things.

In other news, we’ve been quite the crafty-kins around here. I made some of the cutest little hand warmers for all of us from felt and rice. I used flower-shaped cookie cutters, but any shape will work. You can heat them up in the microwave, then slip them inside your pockets or even shoes to warm up freezing fingers or toes. It’s not nearly cold enough for that around here (we’ve only come close to freezing temperatures once so far), but I am sure they’ll come in handy in January & February when the Texas weather finally catches on that winter months are supposed to be cold.

December is a busy month for us; we celebrated LBB’s 10th and Loverly Husband’s 35th birthdays this month in addition to Yule and Christmas, both of which were amazing. LBB got to hang with his friends for his birthday and do some lazer-tagging, and the kids both got air-soft guns for Christmas in addition to a handful of video games and Kinect for XBox. I’ve been playing with my new Nook and Loverly Husband’s been on vacation this week and immersing himself in the world of Skyrim.

Though it may seem like it, I haven’t been neglecting school stuff. I updated the banner here at This Adventure Life for the new school year and spent a few hours last week updating my lesson planner pages and getting them ready to print and bind. I added the workbox plan sheet into my normal lesson planner since we’ve been sticking to that.

We’re also going to give the boys’ STARS planners another go this year; hopefully with better success. I think with the workboxes (which we will continue for this coming year), the planners will work a bit better. We’re continuing the goal of helping them become more self-sufficient with their school work; hopefully between workboxes and their planners they’ll have the tools they need to really take on more responsibility. We won’t be starting our new school year until the second week in January, but I’ll try have all of the new pages in an upcoming ‘lesson planning’ post sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Hope you’re all enjoying your break (if you took one), and felicitations for the New Year!

Warmly,
~h

My usual format is to post this year’s resolutions, and then do a re-cap of previous year’s with progress reports as needed. It’s a long post (so feel free to skip most of it. I’m blogging this more for my own accountability and record-keeping than for public consumption), but I find it entertaining and see no reason to alter that format, so without further adieu, here are 2012′s New Year’s Resolutions (amazingly, I’m running ahead of schedule here, posting this almost a week before the new year. Go, me, all organized and stuff!):

1. Home Blessing – this has been my first resolution for a couple of years now. It’s an on-going thing and I am wondering now how long it needs to be an actual resolution since it doesn’t seem like it’s completely accomplishable. There is always something else to do that falls under this category… in any case, this encompasses all de-cluttering and home improvement type activities from resolutions past. This year’s actual targets are the master bath and kids’ rooms: painting and decor.

2. Medication: get them filled, on time; stay on them. I seem to go through phases where I feel good and stop taking them, then need them again, but fight the need and so things deteriorate until it’s apparent that I am truly effed up and require them. So… keeping them filled and myself stable will circumvent this whole scenario. FYI, I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and last month was prescribed an anti-anxiety medication as well. It’s helping. I also take thyroid medication, asthma, and allergy medications daily.

3. Plan and take a family vacation. As the kids get older and wrapped up in their own interests, Loverly Husband and I actually get quite a bit of time to ourselves these days. That trend will only continue as the kids age, and I think that the focus needs to shift to keeping them focused on the family. A family vacation before they get too old and too ‘cool’ to enjoy it would be nice.

4. Get back to kid-friendly exercise. We slacked a lot on this in 2011. I want to get back to being outdoorsy even if it means just me and the kids by ourselves. Hiking, biking, swimming, beach – all that and more are on the books for 2012.

5. Forage/Raw Foods Week: Loverly Husband’s idea is to take a couple of weeks and instead of doing our normal grocery-shopping routine, buy only foods that can be prepared or consumed without cooking. I’m open to it, and doing something like this with him on board will be much easier than trying to do it with him kicking and screaming. Since it’s his idea, it’s going on the list for this year.

6. Fashionista: this is going to encompass my hair/nails and wardrobe. I need to keep up with my hair, I want to get my nails done (and keep them done) and update my wardrobe in the coming year. Hopefully the ‘kid-friendly exercise’ resolution up there will help necessitate the actual need for new clothing… one can hope, right?

7. Figure out Container Gardening: This year will be our third attempt at a garden. I want to do an herb garden indoors and a veggie garden outside. I’d also like to do a couple of fruit trees (a cherry tree??). I need to read up on them and decide where and when to start them. It’s part of our homeschool science class, so the kids can help, too.

8. Post my art journals to DeviantART. I have an account and pictures of my journals, I need to either put them in a video or post the pictures.

9. Complete at least one writing project. Any of them. At least one.

I would do 10 because it’s such a nice, round number, but it’s become somewhat of a tradition to only make 9. So that’s my list for this year. I don’t usually post progress reports during the year, so don’t feel bad if you forget all about them until the end of December.

This officially concludes the ‘current resolutions’ portion of this post. If you’re interested to see how previous resolutions have held up over the years, feel free to read on. I’ve been updating each year’s resolutions for the past few years; it’s interesting to me to see how my goals and things have changed.

2011′s Resolutions (originally posted December 29, 2010) & updates:

1: Home Blessing - this has been on the books for a while, and will finally see real progress this year. This resolution encompasses all the de-cluttering/cleaning goals from years past and includes anything related to making our home a nicer place to live in. We’re planning a major re-decorating/face-lift to our house in the spring, including painting inside and out, switching our bedroom into the master bedroom (which is currently doing time as a storage/library/craft room) and putting the boys in their own bedrooms. We’ll also do some appliance upgrades and redecorate. I’m excited!! – update: We completed repainting the outside of the house, and our bedroom is moved and decorated. That took a lot more money than we’d planned on, so the rest of the renovations will be carried over to this year. I’m not displeased with our progress – it’s part of home ownership, which I am grateful for.

2: Teach the boys to cook. SFK was bragging about her 9-year-old dd making a four-course meal; I’m jealous and so shall attempt to teach the boys more about the culinary arts this year. The goal is to have them make at least one full meal each by… December 1st. That should give me plenty of time. update: meh. Cooking, yes. Full meal, no. They have gotten pretty good at making simple things – following recipes and using the stove. That’s more from efforts of their own than me actively teaching them, but I am not displeased with that, either. I find that as much as I dislike cooking, I dislike for the children to be underfoot while I am cooking even more. Based on this year’s progress, I can surmise that their continued experimentation and learning in the kitchen will continue with or without my help.

3: Attend a Writer’s Conference/Workshop (or a homeschooling one). Both would be ideal, but attendance at one or the other will fulfill this one. This is a re-hash of a previous resolution; before it was ‘attend monthly group meetings’. I think that the monthly group would be good to do, too, but I really want to try for a conference or workshop that is more in my field (so romance or sci-fi/fantasy or para-normal romance. And no, you can’t read them…yet). update: nope; I didn’t do either. I DID, however, work on a couple of my stories and stared a new writing project with one of my BFF’s, AnnA of TheEverydayAlchemist. We have weekly Skype dates to collaborate and toss some encouragement for our individual projects around… and just because we’re more awesome when we’re together and need to be reminded of that often.

4: Try veganism on for a week. I’ve tried vegetarianism on (it doesn’t fit), but never veganism. It’ll be a challenge. update: HA! I say. I didn’t do this at all. In fact, I did the polar opposite of this – going all meat for a few weeks. I tried the Atkins diet for about three weeks – it sucks; I don’t recommend it. Maybe in 2012? Loverly Husband has mentioned trying a meal plan that consists of keeping only raw foods in the house and ‘foraging’ so maybe something like that would be more attainable since I’d have his support.

5: Personal Growth. This is the one that I am lumping the rest of my writing goals and all of my health/weight loss goals into, as well as parenting goals (such as putting into practice/deeper study of NVC). I always have a couple of these listed, and I think it’s kinda cheating to have 4 of the same, on-going goals… so. I’m also putting things like: continue meeting meditation and spiritual goals, making time for ‘me’, blogging/writing something daily, etc. Some friends and I are re-committing to SparkPeople.com for this year (so if you wanna join me, come on!). I have many goals in that particular department, but I blog there too, so that’s where most of that goes. update: Meh… I’m giving this a 75%. Some of this has been met and surpassed, other parts of it have been seen to but not quite as well as I’d like. See this year’s NYR’s for an updated and possibly more specific list of goals. I have posted parts 1-6 of 13 from the NVC book here on my blog with plans to continue this year.

6:  Date Night with Loverly Husband at least 1x per month. We used to do this at least that often, but this year, it seems like that’s taken a backseat. Between homeschooling and him working more, it’s been harder to find time to go out. It’s not a ‘problem’, but I’d rather focus on this now, before it becomes a problem. One the plus side, we did get a mini-break in 2010, with plans for another in a couple of months. Yay!! update: We didn’t stick to this plan… nor did we get to have a mini-break without the kiddos. We spent our money on house stuff, which was good, and as the kids are getting older and more wrapped up in their own interests, we do get more time together. I think this year’s more family-focused goal is more necessary as the kids get older.

7: Dye my hair. Note to self: For the love of all that is salon, please visit the beauty supply shop and DO SOMETHING about your hair!!!! It’s been months – MONTHS – since you’ve put color in it. You have 6 inches of natural hair color. WTF?? That’s simply unacceptable. One cannot remain worthy of the moniker ‘Rainbow Brite’ with one’s natural hair color slapping people in the face. Before the month of January is out, you must fix this! And keep it fixed. All year. update: for the most part, yes. I haven’t had roots beyond an inch or so and have kept dye on-hand most of the year. Go me!

8: Plan for lunch out better. When the kids were little, I had food for them on me all. the. time. I breastfed them for 3 years each, and I believe that had an effect on how they eat now. They’ve always eaten frequent small meals throughout the day; with no big meals and no set times, that meant that as an in-tune mama I needed to keep food in the bag so that I could meet their needs. When they started school, they had to adjust to a more common eating schedule and I got out of the habit of keeping food with us. Since we started homeschooling, they’ve fallen back into their normal eating patterns but I have not. So my goal for this year is to plan for food better – packing a cooler with appropriate small meals and snacks when we go out. This will help me with #5 as well. update: pretty much met for the first part of the year, then sort of slacked off as the year wound down. We did Bento lunches for months, then were home a lot and I slacked off on making them. I do prefer Bentos and so do the kids, so we’re going to work on getting back to that on a regular basis again.

9: Do something about my wardrobe. I am putting this one separate from the ‘home blessing’ because it’s not really about making space or de-cluttering (though that does play a part). I have a bunch of clothes that don’t fit (both too small and too large) and that are out-dated that I’ve held on to. It’s time to let go! I don’t necessarily need new clothes (though if certain portions of #5 are carried out, I may), but I would like for the clothes that are taking up my space to be ones that I like and wear. update: I did declutter my clothing! I am in need of some new pieces though (but don’t expect a rainbow of colors or anything; I am still *me*). I also did the kids’ clothing and Loverly Husband’s, so yay!

2010′s Resolutions and Progress Report: NYE’s Written on Jan. 2, 2010: 

Nombre neuf:

… That’s all I can think of for now. I need to print this list out for myself so I can keep track of sticking with them. Now, I need to go back and see how I did for last year.

{Edited to add:  found a number nine!} Create outlines for all the story concepts I have written.

2010: Yes and no – I did outlines for some of them and have started an outline for most of them.

2011: I’ve really slacked on my fiction this year. I’ve blogged pretty faithfully though.. does that count?

2012: While not exactly kicking ass, I have been slowly plodding away at my stories. Progress=progress, yes?

As for 2008′s resolutions, Ha! I didn’t write them till the 6th last year, so I’m ahead of the game this year. To recap:

1) It’s called a budget! I need to make one and stick to it. More importantly, I should probably let my loverly husband in on the what’s what so he isn’t surprised by the complete lack of money that we have going.

2009: Yeah… we actually have been doing much better in the cash-flow department this year. I’m fairly proud of that, so I think I can call this one “accomplished” and we’ll say maintain this instead of making it a new resolution.

2010: We did VERY well this year in this regard. I can say that we’re progressing nicely on this front. We eliminated credit cards a couple of years ago, so that’s a big hassle that we don’t have to mess with anymore. This year, we’re funneling more money into savings and retirement. I’m proud of that!

2011: Loverly Husband took over all the budgeting of funds early in 2010, so… yay! He’s better at it than I am. We’re definitely in a better place financially now that we were back in 2007/8. It’s nice to be able to look back and see progress happening.

2012: Loverly Husband is still Mr. Finance. I have less and less to do with money and I like it that way.

2) Complete my Childbirth Doula Certification and Trustbirth Facilitator Application

2009: This is kind of a done deal (DONA) – but I’m making it an actual resolution so that when it’s done I can cross it off the list. Actually, I’m not doing TrustBirth at all – after thinking more about it, I decided it wasn’t for me. It’s not that I disagree with them, exactly, just that I am a little more open-minded about things. As for the birth doula cert, I am still working on it, and am actually doing DONA now instead of CBI, which was what I was looking at then. DONA is different, and either way, I need certain criteria to certify and I haven’t been as on top of it as I had planned. Can I blame part of this on Hurricanes Gustav and Ike?

2010: see above.

2011: Let me explain… I had all of my certification stuff done – all I needed to do was send it in and pay for it. I was waiting on BFF to get her breastfeeding education requirement done so we could submit our applications together, and got pregnant, then miscarried… Since then, I’ve decided that I don’t want to be a doula, and therefore see no reason to pay for the certification. So. That’s the what’s what on this.

2012: ditto…

3) Keep my prescriptions filled and faithfully take my medicines daily … so that I don’t end up needing my rescue inhaler multiple times daily and end up on the nebulizer like I did 2 weeks ago.

2009: I suck at doing this. I HATE taking meds EVERY SINGLE DAY. It’s a huge hassle (and could it be any clearer that I am barely taking anything at all right now, which is why I am defensive about it?) I have kept up with asthma and allergy meds though, which is a good thing… so this is a “halfway” for me.

2010: I STILL suck at this. Something about this time of year. I have not been keeping my Rx filled and have been using the neb for the last couple of weeks. Ugh.

2011: Better this year… I’m off of some of them and need to refill others. This is going to be one of those on-going things for me, I think.

2012: ongoing… new meds this year; anti-depressant & anti-anxiety. It’s helping. Now to stick with them.

4) Stick with SparkPeople I slacked off in about August, so I’m starting over with that, kinda. So far, a week in and I’m doing well, so go me!

2009: Since I’m basically starting over again, and it’s on this year’s list, I guess  didn’t keep this one either.

2010: See above.

2011: Ditto this year… I lost 80lbs the first go-round with SP, then my weight-loss plateaued and I got discouraged. I managed to keep it off for a while, then have, over the course of 3 or 4 years, have put back on about 30lbs. That sucks. So, along with a couple of friends, I’m re-committing myself. It’s in 2011′s #5.

2012: *expletive deleted*

5) Wear hats more often because I like them.

2009: Ha! I SO did I bought, like 4 new hats and have worn them all. And they look awesome, if I do say so myself. Go me!

2010: I’m still keeping this one faithfully That makes me happy.

2011: ditto My hat collection is ever-growing and still awesome.

2012: chapeaux + NicCuinn = even more awesome as time goes by. This remains one of my favorite NYR’s.

6) WRITE!! I have no less than 7 stories outlined, and 5 more concepts written that I need to work on if they are ever to become actual reading material. So my goal is to devote a little time each week to write something, even if I don’t like it and end up deleting it.

2009: Fleshing out already-written storylines? No. Adding all the newly thought-of concepts into word.docs? Yes! So another half-assed accomplishment on my part. I’m going to add “making an outline for all story concepts” above.

2010: I have been feeling more creative lately and have started a couple of new concepts that need to be fleshed out. As long as I keep doing that, I am happy with this level of progress.

2011:Yeah… homeschooling leaves very little time for writing fiction. That’s a total cop-out, but that’s my excuse for doing absolutely NO writing this year, fiction-wise. I did come up with a new non-fiction concept for a children’s book series, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten with it. I’m making notes on it now (like right this minute …. okay – I have an overview of the series written now) – so that’s something, at least, lol.

2012: And Skying/collaborating with AnnA. Lots of it.

7) Maintain the clutter-clearage that’s been going on. because I don’t want to end up like one of those people with an un-livable home due to all the unusable crap stored in it, I’m going to continue whittling down my collectibles (not that there’s that many that aren’t in printed format) and other assorted crap so that it at least looks like we have space in our house.

2009: I guess I’m kind-of on the same page as last year with this. I got rid of a TON of crap over the past year, so this is another “maintaining” for me. I’ll leave it as above though, because I have more specific goals in mind for this year.

2010: see above

2011: ditto

2012: ditto

8). Make more time for me. As a wife and mom, I have a full plate – add starting a new business to that and you can see how much time I don’t have. So my goal is to take a few hours sans anyone else and concentrate on me once a week (if I can swing that, but once a month is probably more realistic).

2009: This has been a lot easier since both boys have been in school. So I guess I’ll mark that as an “accomplished” too.

2010: I have been keeping this one.

2011: Oh, I just thought I was busy before…homeschooling is possibly the biggest challenge I’ve undertaken yet. It requires almost constant thought and attention on my part. On the plus side, my Loverly Husband is incredibly supportive and has both encouraged and made it easy for me to go exercise with my sister or grab coffee with a friend in the evenings. My resolution for this year is to stop feeling guilty about it!

2012: Yes – homeschooling time commitment is eternal. Coffee out and a weekend trip to Ren Faire with the girls this past year was amazing. Definitely on the list of traditions to continue. Also, meeting more personal spiritual nourishment goals has helped. Planning to continue in this vein.

9) Whole Mothering Center I don’t know how much we will be able accomplish this year due to external factors, but I want us to accomplish all that we three are able to.

2009: The “three” isn’t the same three as it was when this was written, and I think that we’ve done pretty well. We’re well into our 2nd year, and with the Ike evacs and BFF’s birth, the last few months have been slow, but we’re gearing up for an eventful year with WMC. So this is another thing I think I can say “accomplished” on.

2010: 2009 was rough on many fronts. I am hoping that 2010 will be a better year for WMC.

2011: I’ve pretty much phased myself out of WMC. BFF is continuing with her own plans, including starting midwifery school in Jan 2011, and I will be involved as much as I can, but it’s pretty much her show now. My attention and focus is elsewhere these days, and though I miss being in the place in my life where WMC was my dream, I’m excited about what the future now holds, both for my BFF and WMC and for myself.

2012: I miss being involved, but am so glad to see BFF continue meeting her goals. Also very glad to see WMC and the BBC flourish, if not quite in the ways we’d first envisioned. I am still proud to be part of the community of support for natural mothering in our area. My attention is still focused elsewhere, but my future goals are leaning in a similar direction – I’d like to go to school and work in counseling with new mothers and families once my kids are grown.

10) (because ten is a nice, round, reasonable number) I can’t think of anything else, but I’m going to format this like there is an actual resolution here anyway. because it looks better and because I can. So there.

LOL – I think it’s funny that I can only ever think of nine. I did the same thing this year. But it’s edited to add the writing one update

2012: nine has become the tradition. I see no reason to alter that now!

That last bit still makes me smile. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone else’s resolutions and to seeing how you fared from last year. Good luck reaching them and Happy New Year!!

Warmly,

~h

]]> http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/nyr-the-2012-version/feed/ 3 InstinctiveMom Bloody Good! http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/fidgets-for-adhd-homeschool/ http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/fidgets-for-adhd-homeschool/#comments Fri, 23 Dec 2011 17:17:29 +0000 InstinctiveMom http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/?p=2474 ]]>

One of the benefits of homeschooling a child with ADHD is that you have an almost unlimited amount of freedom to experiment with and utilize the many therapeutic tools that are out there to help such children maintain their concentration on the task at hand.

Fidgets are one of the tools that have been shown to be successful in helping ADHD children maintain focus when they’re doing mentally intense work. If you’re not familiar with them, fidgets are little toys or gadgets that provide children with attention disorders stimulation (tactile, oral, or gross motor, or a combination thereof) and/or an outlet for their excess energy during seat-work. Some fidgets are small, either handheld or for the desktop to keep hands busy while the child is thinking, writing or calculating. Others are larger and provide different types of stimulation and feedback over the whole body, like weighted or vibrating materials; or furniture that allows the child to move more freely than your average desk set-up, like swings, balance boards, mini-trampolines or exercise balls to sit on.

There are some stores/websites that sell fidgets and sensory materials, like the Therapy Shoppe (which separates their fidgets into categories like alert fidgets, calming fidgets, silent fidgets, and tactile fidgets), Fat Brain Toys, Sensory University, and Sensory Edge, and these are great if you can afford them.

But when homeschooling, you’re often on a budget and even inexpensive fidgets can seem out of reach when you’re not sure what things your child might like. Since I can relate to that, I thought I’d put together a list of fidgets that are easily ‘found’ or made at home.

Starting with small fidgets:

• spring/spiral (plastic, taken from an old spiral bound book or notebook and cut into pieces. Those spiral shoelaces also work well as a fidget.)
• Lego tree (round, though I’m sure the conical ones would work just as well – lovely for palming and twiddling)
• velcro dots (sticky-backed ones can be applied to the underside of the desk)
• clothespins (alone or can be used with clip-ins like a bundle of rubber bands, a few bent chenille sticks, yarn or other something to make a ‘brush’)
• soft bristled paintbrushes or jumbo makeup brushes (feel nice on cheeks, over eyes and lips)
• skinny balloons (stretchy and can go onto fingers – but don’t let them chew on them!)
• foam stress ball (often given out free at conferences, fairs, doctor’s offices, the mall…)
• filled stress ball (the dollar store often has squeeze balls; there’s one called a ‘blob ball’ with a net outside that lets the inner part bulge out of that is both disgusting and fascinating; or you can make them from big latex party balloons filled with sand, moon sand, powder, modeling clay, rice, beans, poly pellets, or a combination of things for long-term use (can double balloon and tie for a little extra protection). If you’re looking for other textures, you can fill them with peanut butter, pudding, tapioca, jell-o, etc (but these are, for obvious reasons, disposable after a day or two).
• worry stones made from polymer clay (or air-dry glue/cornstarch clay, also called ‘cold porcelain clay’) or rocks
• aluminum discs (made from the bottoms of coke cans – Use tin snips to cut the rounded bottoms of a coke can out, then put them together, convex sides out and seal the edges by gluing and then burnishing, or with tape on the outside. Use sandpaper to smooth and finish the edges. It makes a lovely palm-sized convex disc that feels good in your hand.)
• butterfly/triangle paper clips (can put several together on a binder ring)
• a long bolt with a rubber band on the open end and loose nut to twist up and down (metal or you can find plastic ones in the plumbing section of the hardware store)
• put a rubber band on a pencil, slide on some metal hex-nuts towards the top end and add another rubber band. The pencil is weighted and the nuts are twistable. Also works on crayons and markers)
• mini rain stick (toilet paper tube or even smaller diameter cardboard tube, nails and rice/beans and masking tape)
• egg shaker (re-use those old plastic Easter eggs – fill with rice, beans, poly beads, BB’s or anything similar and seal with tape. You can papier-mache for extra security)
• bean bag (scrap material and dry beans/lentils/rice/poly pellets)
• poly pellet (single to roll between index finger and thumb)
• teethers (especially gel-filled ones and ones with ‘nubbies’ on them; Sophie the giraffe is fun to chew on as well)
• rubber bands (tie a bunch together, then snip all but one of the loops to make  a ‘koosh’ type ball
• tape measure with a button re-winder
• Rubik’s cube

For larger stimulation, we have used:

• weighted lap blanket (I made them from a fat quarter of fabric and filled with poly pellets from the craft store)
• noise cancelling earphones
• foam ear plugs
• vibrating neck pillow
• yoga ball
• rolling pin on the floor (under desk, for feet)
• yoga
• balance board (can be made from a 24″ long piece of 1″x 6″ scrap board with a 1″x 1″ half round piece of molding nailed to the underside. Sand the edges and let your child paint and decorate it. The child stands with feet on the outer edges and balances the board up on the round.)
• weighted hula hoop (can be made by cutting open a regular hula hoop and adding steel ball bearings and taping back together)
• sensory steps (in our version, I made a couple of sheets of 8.5 x 14 paper with eight 4″x3″ squares of sensory material – just enough to ‘toe’ and small enough to fit under the best. Ours include sandpaper, lentils, elbow macaroni, faux-fur fabric, shredded plastic, rubber bands, toothpicks, crinkled aluminum foil, yarn, Easter grass, egg shells, lego bricks, shredded newspaper, terry cloth, and pantyhose.
• rice sock (tube sock filled with rice; can be knotted every few inches to provide more even distribution and/or a different ‘feel’; also can be filled with lavender or other herbs and rice, and heated to make a warm aromatherapy weight)
• meditation/mind jar
• 2lb hand weights (also works to roll with feet on the floor)
• yoga block (for feet to manipulate)
• weighted tube (a paper towel tube with a spent D cell battery in it. Close both ends of the tube with cotton balls (for cushion) and tape. Tilt back and forth gently to let the battery slide from one end to the other. It has a nice ‘thunk’ to it.)
• sensory tubs (usually used for younger kids, but are very useful for older kids with SPD)
• sensory bottle /science bottles
• sound therapy: white noise;  thunderstorm; fireplace/thunderstorm are all amazing and vary in length.
• alpha wave sound therapy on low volume over headphones. You can record this video/sound, then put it on an ipod and loop it for however long you need it for. Once is almost 10 minutes. Any sound therapy we use with headphones for maximum effect.

We use or have used most of these (not all at once, obviously). Different things seem to work at different times, and I’ve noticed that even my younger son (who is not ADHD) seems to focus better when allowed an outlet, so even though these types of tools and activities are ‘for’ kids with attention or sensory issues, they can definitely be of use to children without them as well.

What are some of your cheap/handmade sensory tools?

Warmly,
~h

]]> http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/fidgets-for-adhd-homeschool/feed/ 2 InstinctiveMom http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/tame-child-creatures/ http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/tame-child-creatures/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:32:47 +0000 InstinctiveMom http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/?p=2456 ]]>

“The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents – because they have a tame child-creature in the house. Let the kids be themselves and make no excuses for them. After all, they are their own little beings and not a clone.” ~Frank Zappa

I saw this posted the other day on Facebook. I and copied it to my TAL FB page, but ever since then, it’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about ‘tame child-creatures’ and comparing my own heathen horde with them and have thus far come out glad that our home contains none of these docile small people.

I’ll be blunt here; sometimes, homeschooling sucks, and when you have children who have been taught that their thoughts and opinions matter, and as a result of that, are used to being heard, listening to a 25 minute treatise on ‘Why We Shouldn’t Have to do Math Today’ can be doubly tiresome. We’ve spent the last couple of months in a bit of a rut. If you’ve been reading here lately, there have been a few posts whining about being tired and irritated. I would apologize for that, but I won’t lest I be accused of perpetuating the false notion that homeschooling is always hunky-dory.

I reached a breaking point (mental exhaustion-induced, I think now) and almost threw in the towel on homeschooling. After some discussion and intervention by Loverly Husband, some mindful cooperative parenting/homeschooling, a bunch of deep housekeeping and home-blessing projects and a substantial break and family vacation over the past two weeks, we’ve been successful in reigning in our kids a bit, setting some reasonable expectations and clearer boundaries and are getting back on an even keel.

That’s not to say that everything is comin’ up roses; we’re currently battling a little bit of First World Entitlement Syndrome (which has resulted in some serious discussions about their status in life and some plans on Mom/Teacher’s part to work in more hands-on direct contact with those less fortunate in our community).

All that aside though, I like that my kids have… personality. I am grateful that they’re thinkers and leaders – they question things; they don’t follow blindly and they’re confident that they will be heard. I count that as an accomplishment in my parenting career that my kids know that they can have their own opinions about things and that they feel free to express them. I admit that I have been embarrassed by them in public – what mom hasn’t? But most often, my embarrassment has come from me buying into some unrealistic stereotype that I momentarily feel pressured to conform to… like the idea that ‘good mothers’ have children who are mild-mannered, calm and quiet – especially in grocery stores.

I recently unsubscribed from a homeschooling support group because of the overwhelming presence of parents who want ‘tame child-creatures’; parents who have an unrealistic ideal in their head that their normally exuberant children don’t meet – and perhaps worse are the parents who are all too willing to share their favorite spirit-crushing methods of enforcing conformity. It got to the point that I was nauseated sometimes to read about some of the things parent’s have done to get those picture-perfect kids (like incorporating a spray bottle to squirt an errant child – like you might a puppy… srsly?? o_O).

The attitude seems to be that the long-term effects don’t matter (if they’re taken into consideration at all); as long as they present a good image to the world (or group) then whatever you do in the name of enforcing conformity is fine. I think that’s dishonest and downright harmful to the kids. It’s a mistake to think that in creating tame child-creatures, you’re actually molding the personality. If your child is wild at heart, you can discipline and punish the things you don’t like – but all that’s creating is a good actor. Sooner or later, that wild heart will break through, sometimes with tragic consequences. Wouldn’t it be ever so much better to work with your child to shape him or her into a productive adult? We all have flaws and personality quirks that will serve us in various ways as adults.  As parents, we’re supposed to think in the long-term. Facilitating our child’s inherent traits to maximize future potential is in our job description. I believe that learning to ask questions will serve my kids better as adults than obedience. Confidence trumps conformity. Lead, don’t follow.

There’s balance, of course. We’re aiming for delightfully cultivated wild children here – not feral brats. I am not suggesting that children who are allowed to run free with absolutely no boundaries or expectations are better; they might even be worse. No one wants to deal with bratty children who haven’t been taught common courtesies. It makes me wonder how many parents go to the ‘tame’ extreme because they’re afraid of having a ‘brat’; and furthermore, how much the ‘tame’ and ‘bratty’ children contribute to the problem because other parents only see the two extremes – the oh-so-appealing docile and obedient child who never gives a moment’s trouble and the obnoxious, loud feral child who has no concept of his or her role in society.

I like the natural indulgence in the fullness of the moment that kids seem to live in when they’re allowed to; it’s a reminder to me to live in the ‘now’. If they’re a little loud, so what? If they’re a little bouncy, that’s usually okay, too. A few well-placed reminders do the job nicely. It’s more work, sure – you have to be present and paying attention to your kids a lot of the time. But that’s mindful parenting, not performance parenting and that’s what we’re working towards. Cultivating wild children means that you’re actively involved in what your kids are doing now, not trotting them out like show ponies.  Even with all the effort that goes into striving for balance, I think I’d rather embrace the wild than train and tame.

Warmly,

~h

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